I just want to point out one or two things first. I know from reading my own reviews that long paragraphs without a break are kind of hard for people to read and I experienced it a little with your first paragraph. Trust me I understand that sometimes you just don't see where to break a paragraph but even if you split in two just by bringing it down one line it would probably help :)
I'm also just curious about this line: "Her precious Jeffery was gone. Did he even care? Tears streamed down her cheeks." Who is Jeffery? Did you mean this to be Derek her son?
Apart from those small things I really liked this idea. I'd imagine the feelings of helplessness and grief would be especially overwelhming lying in the dark and you put that across very well. Nice idea taking a small moment from the books and developing it further, Well done :)
Author's Response: Hi!
I've been told this about different stories, but honestly it's a part of my style. I think that longer paragraphs are better than fragmented pieces of nothingness, sometimes.
I appreciate your opinion, but I simply disagree. As a reader, I prefer longer paragraphs. I like congruent ideas fitting together, and yes, it may take longer to read. However, I find nothing wrong with that.
Yes, I did. I was having trouble finding the perfect name for him, so thanks for pointing that out. I fixed it.
Thank you! I'm really glad that you thought this was well done and an interesting idea. That means a lot to me. :)