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2010-09-11 1:37am
This is the shittest fan fiction I have read. It it so shit. It doesn't do the Harry Potter base any justce.
2010-05-31 7:07am
Well written :)
I can imagine it was hard to write from Sinistra's point of view, but you did a good job!
Interesting! :)

Author's Response: Thanks!

It wasn't that hard, even though we don't hear much about Professor Sinistra. I just imagined her character and then went from there.
Sorry for taking so long to get around to you.

First thing that I spotted, is at the start you wrote 'Year 5s and 7s'- this should really be written as 'year fives and sevens', it's just proper grammar for a story.

When she looks at the time-table and it says 'today we take charms NEWT”'- it sounds a bit off, I think it might sound better if it was just 'today we had our NEWT Charms'.

OMG! What an evil thing to say about a person, that she is going to die, twisted old hag. That was just pure evil. Lol. I loved it.

When she says that she spoke to her after a lesson and Albus wasn't sure about giving her the post, she said 'that she jumped at the chance'- you might want to elaborate more on that, as it lost me for a moment. Something like 'Of course I jumped at the chance, even if he didn't want me to go for it, I wasn't going to let the opportunity past'.- or something along those lines.

I just noticed, you wrote 'year sevens'- it's suppose to be mixed around to say 'seventh years'.

They don't have classes when sitting their NEWTS, most of the teachers let them off so they can study.

After lunch, you wrote 'Theory of Charms N.E.W.T'- again, it sounds a bit odd. Write 'their NEWT exam in Theory of Charms'

Why does she say 'I have nothing to worry about?' I think she would have a bit to worry about because she 'usually' gets O's and often gets the result she needs, so I would change that to 'I had little to worry about'.

The ending is a bit weird, because it wasn't the start of the exam day, so she's a bit late in realising that, as she already stats she had Ancient Runes before this exam.

Some of your descriptions are really good, such as the students in the Entrance Hall, I thought you wrote that part really well.

It was a nice, short story that I really enjoyed reading because it's about a character we don't see a lot of, I thought you were very brave to write something on her, and did a really good job with it :)

Author's Response: Thanks for responding! I'm glad I'm getting this out of the way since it's the first ever review I've had.

Yep, you definitely have a point in saying that. One of my big problems in writing is consistency, and I think this is only worsened by the fact I don't write second drafts. Besides, I didn't have much information to go off - the seventh book doesn't mention the N.E.W.Ts, and I found little information on the Internet.

Thanks for saying that. I always like to look at people who are not explored as well as others, say, Professor McGonagall. In my mind it's a bit overused, almost to the point of being a cliché.

Anyway, I'll remember your advice and use it to the best of my abilities later on! Thanks once again!


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