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Interesting, definitely interesting. I like it :) I don't really have any critique; I thought the fact that Blaise narrated it is interesting. Great job!

Author Response

Hiya, and thanks for reviewing this. Glad you found this interesting - I really wanted to try out writing a bit of a morally ambiguous pairing, and this was the result.

Thanks again for taking the time to review!

Hmmm, I never thought about that. I liked the way you wrote it though. It was flirty, and serious, and pretty much all the above. I love Blaises' character in this too. I feel really sorry for him though. I tend to never understand why people don't just go, they're the one I love, to hell with anyone who doesn't like it. Oh well. I prolly don't understand it because I haven't been through it or something.
Great job!

Author Response

Aww, thanks - sorry for him was the emotion I was going for. My Pansy is... well, kinda evil, and extremely selfish, and I just loved writing this as it really fitted with a lot of relationships I've seen, where one person mistreats the other, yet they just don't leave them. I really wanted to capture that idea of loving someone regardless of their faults, and despite wanting to be strong enough to leave them, so I'm glad that it seemed to come across that way for you.

Thanks so much for doing this!

Hello Dearest, 

I really enjoyed this story; from the choice of characters to the choice of setting and prose, loved it!

I loved the ambiguity you set up as to who the main character is in this story (at first, I mean); gives a strange edge to the narration. The characterization of Blaize and Pansy was very well done. I love that you gave Pansy a second level where she isn't simply Draco's fangirl. 

The emotional level of Blaise was very well done. It felt very real for him to feel that way and also very, erm, masculine of him not to want to talk about it or admit it outloud. 

Overall, I greatly enjoyed reading this; your story flows very well and is different and realistic. Great job!

Akussa

Author Response

Ooh, yay! I'm so glad that the ambiguity seemed deliberate to you - I wasn't sure it came across that way, but it was definitely supposed to. And it's nice to hear that you liked my Pansy and Blaise - I wanted him to be unique and different from the standard Slytherin type, while still fitting the group as a whole. And Pansy obviously had to be a little dark for the concept to work, but she also had to have enough redeeming qualities for Blaise to like her this much!

Anyways, thanks so much for reading and reviewing this, and for all the support!

Hahah for the first half of this I thought 'I' was referring to Draco. Silly me! 

Anyway, I really enjoyed your description of the Slytherin's pretty much all having grown up together. It had never crossed my mind but it really makes a lot of sense. Also, Pansy's impression of Hermione actually made me laugh too haha.

This was really quite good, and I liked your characterization throughout! It was very believable and even sticks well to canon :)

Author Response

Oh, that's not you being silly, that was the point! Because we all think Draco when we think of Pansy, so I wanted to make it seem like the usual story, and then throw in the twist. Might have a re-read though, to see if I can make it more obvious that you were supposed to be mistaken.

Glad you liked my musings on the world of Slytherin upbringing - I just figured it was likely, and that it would be a big part of why they're such a closed off group.

Thanks for reviewing, and for all your kind words!

Hey :)

I really enjoyed this :) Although at first I didn't actually realise it was Zabini, I thought it was Draco at first. 

But I thought it was well written, creative. I really liked the plot and the flow. I thought you wrote your characters extremely well and overall I absolutely loved it :)

Hannah

Author Response

Woohoo! The point was for the POV to seem like Draco, as he's the usual Slytherin boy of choice, and the one most people see with Pansy (for obvious canon-based reasons). So yay - mission complete! 

And thanks for the compliment on the characterisation - this is something I always find really hard when working in the Hogwarts era, so it means a lot.

Thanks for reviewing!

Just dropping by to leave your Great Gryffie Egg Hunt Review! :) You really have to feel sorry for Blaise and Pansy. Little does she know all will be for naught. :) It's short and gives the reader all they need to know without going overboard on too many details. E for Exceeds Efforts! :)

Author Response

You felt sorry for Pansy? Wow, that's a first! Good to know that she hasn't come across as completely un-likeable - she must have something that Blaise likes, I guess.

Thanks for reviewing, and for the competition!

SECOND PRESENT - REVIEWS! WOOHOO! :D

Oh this was so interesting. A secret Pansy/Blaise love affair? :D
Blaise's narration was brilliant. I thought he seemed like a human, three-dimensional character. You conveyed his emotion really well and while he wasn't a perfect person, he was still easy to sympathize with.

I loved how you kept up the mystery and suprises in this piece- at the beginning I thought it might have been Draco, but then it turned out to be Blaise. And then all throughout the piece you think his love is entirely not returned, but there is that little twist at the end which keeps it exciting.

I also liked how Pansy wasn't suddenly a super-hot-babe, but he liked her because of how long he had known her, and how close they were. 

I liked the introduction of Theo's character and how normal he seemed. It really added to the realism... plus I love minor characters. I've got a bit of a thing for them :P

I also enjoyed how you gave their relationship history as Blaise reflected on the past and the way you described the life of a slytherin! Haha, I can't think of the word for it but it was... interesting (?) to hear more about something we never get to hear of in canon!

Your writing was brilliant, this was really hooking and full of emotion - plus you wrote their relationship as believable, which is the idea of the challenge you wrote this for so woohoo! :D 

+ Grammar was really good :)
Really enjoyed this!

Author Response

Wow - reviews like this might make me start liking my own writing (and certainly make me want to write more!)

I'm not usually a challenge person, but this one just appeared in my head as one big lump. Right from the start I knew I wanted the POV to be concealed, because when we think of PP we always think Draco, and it was fun to try and start off that way and then slowly make it more and more obvious that it was someone else. Not sure how well it worked, but it was certainly an enjoyable challenge trying!

Glad you liked the Slytherin relationships too - when trying to get into his head, it seemed natural to have him be friends with Theo rather than the other three, both to fit canon and my plot line! 

As for the love story itself - Blaise/Pansy isn't canon at that time, and because I was going through a bit of a canon obsesssion at the time, I couldn't resist the concept that they could secretly be together. And I've never written a truly messed up relationship before - most my pairings are True Love Forever rubbish, and I wanted to try something more complex for once. So believable - pretty much the highest praise you could give!

Aw, poor Blaise! I really like the dynamic of a Draco/Pansy/Blaise love triangle. I've never read it before till now but I'm I think I may read it more often! 

You really capture his emotions well, and I love how you characterized him. The books don't really tell us much about him, so you can't really go wrong with how ever you have him act. I just happen to very much enjoy the direction you took him!

Great job, 
ronsgirl29

Author Response

Thanks - tried to make him more than just another Draco or another Crabbe/Goyle, but still have him fit the pretentiousness we hear about from Ginny. Also wanted the reader to be able to feel sorry for him, which was no mean feat, so YAY that it worked in your eyes!

Thanks for reviewing, and all your Gryffie awesomeness!

Ooh! I normally don't read Slytherin fics, but this one is really interesting!

I like the thought of Draco and Pansy being set up to be married when they're adults, and the struggle Pansy has with her feelings for Blaise and her promise to her family. Really, really great, even though the one-shot wasn't that long. The point was made, and you felt sympathy for both of them. :)

Author Response

Thanks for reading, and for the support. Not sure how sorry we should really be feeling for Pansy - she is two timing Draco and forcing Blaise to be her dirty secret! Still, the idea was that all the characters had believable motivations for their actions, so I'm glad that came through!

Thanks again!

I really like this! Slytherins rarely get the chance to develop like this which is why I like to read about them. It's nice to get a glimpse of what's going on with them since we never truly get to know.

This was, first of all, quite the interesting storyline. I like the idea of Blaise/Pansy (I almost typed Bansy) especially when it's behind Draco's back. That's such an intriguing idea.

Blaise's conflicting emotions were a great thing to read. I could really get into his head and feel what he felt at his situation. The way one part of him just wanted to be with Pansy and the other knowing that what he had with her would never be enough to be completely satisfying. That was really awesome to read.

You have done an amazing job with this, just like with all your other works. (:

Author Response

Aww, thanks Erica! I'm glad I got those different concepts across - this was a real challenge for me, as it was completely out of my writing comfort zone, but I figured if I'm ever going to develop, I need to experiment with different styles and motivations. So, it's been extra great having such positive responses from my fellow Gryffies!

As for it being behind Draco's back... well, this was during my extreme canon phase, so it was necessary to keep it plausible. Also, illicit affairs just make good plot!

Thanks for R&R-ing!

I liked this story. This pairing could even work in canon in the end as Draco didn't end up with Pansy and I think the pairing works well here too. 

The insights into the life among the Slytherins is interesting. I also like the way you write the different relationships here, the one between Blaise and Pansy and the friendship between Blaise and Theo. I think you nailed the relationships you wrote about in the end especially in this line: "He got smiles and praise and sickly adoration; I got stolen moments and stark reality." And somehow I get the feeling that Blaise is much luckier here.

An interesting thing that also somehow comes through here are the relationships between the Slytherin boys, though I'm not sure if you have specifically thought about that. Blaise and Draco don't seem to be specific friends and I like it that way as they really don't seem that way in canon either. That comes through as you show Blaise and Theo more as friends, and then it's of course Draco, Crabbe and Goyle who are together. Which leaves Theo and Blaise as the seemingly nicer boys and Draco as the one who just tries to impress with his bodyguard friends. 

But now I'm rambling. That's however a good thing. Good stories usually make me ramble more because they can give me something to think about, like this story.

Author Response

Aww thanks! Actually, the friendships between the Slytherins were actively thought out, but I'm pretty thrilled that it didn't seem that way, as it means I must have managed subtly for once! I always figured that in canon the boys were more of a three and a two, and I wanted to capture that in this, and explain it a little, without making it the focus. Thanks so much for remarking on it!

Not sure if I know who got the better end of the deal - Draco is the one being two timed and lied to, and Blaise is the one whose heart is on the line. Still, it's pretty vicious for them both... does it show that I really don't like PP?

Thanks so much for the insightful and encouraging review - you've really strengthened my faith in my writing of flawed characters!

This was beautiful. I have a softness for Pansy. Don't ask me why, I think i just love to hate her. In a way. Or watch how people make her human and more than she was in the books.

I loved it, the fact that he couldn't let her go. I loved their characters, tragically flawed still, but not that it's too much or unbelievable. I loved this line "I knew her best, knew what mattered to her, knew all the worst aspects of her personality, and I still loved her." It just spoke beautifully at me and tugged at all the right heart strings I didn't know I even had. 

A really beautiful story. I adored it. 

10/10

- Keely/SexyDoorFrames

Author Response

Oh my goodness! That is so sweet. I worked really hard at this piece, yet before this weekend it was review-free (which is particularly disheartening as it was a challenge response), so your comments mean a lot. 

This piece was also my first attempt at a character I really don't like, so I'm glad you think that I hit the right balance between flawed and humanised.

Thanks so much for this!

Lately I've really been getting into stories that humanize otherwise unlikeable characters, and I think this one does that well.  You've given them some depth without driving them off character.  I love the repetition of "There's nowhere I'd rather be".  In fact the last two lines really drive the piece home.  Despite his pain, Blaise can't let her walk away, then she as-good-as spits in his face.  Great job.  :)

Author Response

OK, wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me you liked this piece. I was really trying to learn how to write properly flawed characters when I did this, and so it's nice to hear that I kept them canon while still humanizing them, which was the point. 

Glad you liked the repetition too; it took me a while to get those lines to flow properly while having her use the exact same phrase! 

Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing - you've made my Saturday!

Reviews (13 found)

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