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This was great! 
I loved the way you wrote this. It wasn't very flowery and didn't have a bunch of words and phrases lying about, but you still managed to convey the emotion behind this really well. I think Snape wouldn't talk with a bunch of figurative language anyway, so that helped with his character too. ANd the last sentence was fabulous. It really sums up Snape/Lily for me. I really loved it!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author Response

Yay! A Snape story! 

Would it be too self-contradictory if I told you that he is my favourite character, but I have never read a story about him? Yours is the first. I'm afraid of reading stories about him because he's so complex, has so much depth that I'm afraid authors will mess him up. I can certainly say you didn't!

I think your story works best while imagining that he could think all of this while walking through the Potters' house trying to reach the bedroom where Lily and Harry were. If you have seen Deathly Hallows Part II, you'll know what I'm talking about. It fits perfectly with that scene!

Also, reading his thoughts written by your quill was such a pleasure! I loved the contrast you made at the beginning between James and Snape regarding their love for Lily. How James couldn't care less that Lily refused him the first time, but if it had been Snape he would have never had the courage to ask again or recover. That is a very solid reason for why she would eventually go out with James. After seeing how much he changed in his seventh year, plus his insistences, she would surely accept in the end.

I really commend you for keeping him in character, while still writing about his love. That's far from easy. There is something about your Snape that I love. Maybe the fact that you still managed to give him that pride and smugness that he was a Slytherin and at the same time the humbleness of his love for her. All in all, a beautiful story!


House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: Gryffindor

Author Response

Wow, this was really quite stunning. I loved how it really expressed how Severus was different from James, as I think that is something that often gets overlooked in Sev/Lily stories (including in my Sev/Lily) but I think it's a really interesting idea that the two opposed forces are really so similar and this does a marvelous job of stressing those similarities as well as show why Severus made the choices he did in a perspective that's different from how Harry and Dumbledore saw it, so I liked that too! All in all, it was amazing and I am really glad I had the opportunity to read this! :)
-Annie

Author Response

Wow, really? This was such a nice review to read, and I'm really glad you enjoyed my take on things. I guess I just felt that Severus' story needed a little explanation, and I couldn't help but compare Sev and James - they did both have a long time crush on the same girl, and Sev started off in front, and so I wanted to try and work through why it would have all gone wrong.

Anyways, thanks so much for reading this, and for the lovely review!

wow, you did this really well. I kind of wonder when he's thinking this, at her funeral? or maybe a boggart? I'm also glad to see someone writing how he really understands what he did, and the responsibility for his actions. Actions being loving her and never speaking up. Loving her, but still acting like a death eater. All the above. I also thought it was interesting how he compared himself, never having the courage to tell her, to potter who got rejected repeatedly.
good job!

Author Response

I had imagined this being at her house, as soon as he heard about it - Harry would have just have been taken from the house. I'm not sure how canon-compliant that is, but it's how I'd imagined it.

As for your reaction to this story - thank you so much! I'm glad you liked my take on it - I thought that his lack of actions would be something he regretted, and his decision to join the death eaters. That's really what I wanted to put the focus on, because his subsequent choices implied to me that he was really remorseful, and blamed himself.

Thanks again for the support on this!

Apparently I'm in the mood for Severus(/Lily) :)

It really was short, but just long enough to convey Severus' feelings for Lily through the years. If I have one little thing to 'criticise', it's only how detached he seems looking down at her body. Though that could really be that he's in too much shock to realise what happened yet and that he's not one for showing his feelings openly.
'I might risk my life [...] I would not risk hers.' That's so beautiful, and really says it all.

Well done! xxx Leo

Author Response

Hiya, and thanks for reviewing this! I'm glad you liked this, and you make a good point about the detachment. It was supposed to be because his feelings were too painful at this point to dwell on, so he is mentally blocking them out, but it may need to be clearer. Hmmm, edit possibilities!

I'm glad you liked that line - it was where I was going with the whole thing (hence the title) so it's nice to know it worked for you!

Thanks again for doing this!

Awh, I always love a bit of Snape/Lily! It's always so heartwarming, and this is mo exception!

I LOVE your description of why Snape sided with Voldemort! It's literally perfect! It's so believable yet so simple.

I haven't really read much on this time in Snape's life and it's really refreshing to see some reflection and explanation on his decisions at these times! The whole thing is beautifully written and so sad! I really, really loved it!

Author Response

Yay! I'm so glad you like that bit, because, to me, it needed explaining. I'd never really bought the whole "I really wanted to be a Death Eater because it seemed fun, and then just changed my mind when I suddenly realised it might be bad for Lily" because that would have been obvious from the start. So there had to be a greater reason for his decision, and what I could figure was this!

Anyways, thanks so much for the kind words and Gryffie support!

Hello dearest! 

Such a lovely piece you wrote; I simply loved it! 
You really captured Snape's emotional state and level in a believable and respectful way. 

Your writting style is extremely compelling and flows naturaly; I loved the poetic vibe this piece holds. 

Oh and that last line, such a strong finish! Congratulations!
One last thing, since I'm reading this on Apris 1st, I have to give you credits for adding the name "Harry" to this story; love the little Sherlock!!!

Akussa

Author Response

Awww, thanks! I'm glad you found my Snape believable - until this challenge was posted I don't think I'd ever really thought through his motivations and emotions, but as soon as I thought "unrequited love" this just appeared in my head!

I'm also glad you liked the poetic vibe - it was a bit of a leap for me, as I'm usually not that way inclined AT ALL, so it's nice to hear it worked for you.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful review!

Wow. This was incredible. I've never fully given thought to how much Snape risked when trying to protect Lily. It's incredible how, even with her married and a baby, he still loved her unconditionally. This was beautiful, it has a lot of detail and emotion.  My favorite part would have to be the last line:

<i>'I cannot simply love her all her life; I must love her all of mine.'</i>

loved it...Awesome Job.

-Theia..=]

Author Response

Yay! Thanks so much for reading this, and taking the time to review. That comment in canon, when Dumbledore says "still, after all this time?" gives us the clue, and I just wanted to explore that in this. Glad you liked it.

Thanks again for the support!

I remember reading this a little while ago and thinking, "Hey, this is pretty good," and then I found it again and said, "Shame on me!  I never left a note!"

So here's my note.  I liked this piece.  I didn't care that it was short.  I think you captured Severus nicely here in his grieving place and painted a nice vignette of him "between worlds" almost.

Author Response

Wow - you read it twice? I'm kinda chuffed! And I know how easy it is to read something and not get round to reviewing, so thanks for coming back! Anyways, glad you liked it, and felt it did in fact capture how he'd be feeling. I was at points worried it was overly emotional, given that Snape was the POV, but I figured if you can't be emotional while literally standing over the woman you love, when can you be?

Thanks for taking the time to R&R!

Hi fellow Gryffie!
I'm here with your review! :)

It's fics like these that make me wish so much that she chose Snape over James. Yet at the same time it was never meant to be and I suppose I can accept that. However the way you capture Snape's unrequited love for Lily is so perfect and heartbreakingly beautiful that it makes me wish that he chose her in the end. I particularly loved how you've listed the all times he's loved her through, then moving into the contrasting between James's love for Lily and his, it is clear that although they loved the same women they went about this differently and the result showed.

I have nothing but praise for this fic, I'm glad I finally decided upon this one (I have a weakness for Snape fics) when looking through all your work on your author page. This really captured something special here and I must say your writing style really complements the piece, it flows nicely and there were no visible grammatical errors.

This made it an absolute pleasure to read, my only issue was the length. It was so short however it contained so much detail I just wish it were slightly longer. However, I still loved it! :) I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

- Ashlee

Author Response

Awww, *blushes*. I'm so glad you liked this piece - it was very much a spark of inspiration, and then all down in a flash. Obviously, I then did the spell check and grammar thing, but the words themselves were all one big rush. Hence the length - that was what 'came to me' (oh how very pretentious am I?) and no matter how hard I pushed, there was nothing more to add. Generally, I don't 'do' drabbles (which this basically is) but it was what it was. Anyways, glad it worked for you - particularly the James/Snape comparison, as that was really the only bit that wasn't just obvious canon type stuff. 

Thanks so much for the kind words and the Gryffie love!

Cappie. Wow. This is breathtakingly beautiful. Honestly, this is a fantastic, gorgeous piece of work.

The entire thing felt so honest and real it was hard to not be completely captivated by it. It had such a raw feeling to it. Snape was completely and totally honest with himself, it was an amazing experience to read something like that. I thought it was fantastic the way you described his emotions and feelings. It was so tangible.

You, my dear, are one talented girl. This is amazing. You should be very, very proud of it.

Author Response

Thank you so much! This was all written very quickly, unlike my usual triple-checked stuff, which might explain the rawness of it, as I just let him say what he wanted without too much second guessing (which probably makes things worse usually!)

Have had some pretty mixed opinions myself about the emotional aspects, as I wasn't sure if he was going too far to be in character, but the response this week has convinced me otherwise. Heck, I might even write a bit more from his viewpoint!

Thanks for the Gryffie love!

Aww. :( I love this, it's so...Snape. Which is always, always, <i>always</i> a good thing for me. ^.^

This really sounded like it was coming from his mind--I'm not sure which other ways to put it, but you really did get into Snape's mind here and this inner monologue seemed like just as he'd think it. 

It was a great overview of his friendship/demise of friendship with Lily and captured his every feeling perfectly. Of course he'd be left wondering what would have happened if he'd been thoroughly blunt as James was with his feelings. It also illustrated exactly why he went to Voldemort's side--and the comment about the Order being made up of all Gryffindors was actually a very valid point--and exactly why he went back to Dumbledore.

The last line particular, "I cannot simply love her all her life; I mus love her all of mine," was particularly heartwrenching and fantastically well-written.

I absolutely loved this, an easy 10/10, you did a great job. :-)

Author Response

Whoa. I'm kinda bowled over!

For me, Snape was always the character I was never going to write. Mainly because he's difficult to write - being both deeply emotional and outwardly curt - but also because I wasn't sure I liked him enough to make him someone the reader could warm to. 

Then the unrequited love challenge came along, and this entire story was written in under an hour. Given that usually I double guess every other sentence, that's fast for me, and so it's really great to know that you thought I did indeed get into his head, and made the piece one where we do feel sorry for him by the end. 

Anyways, thanks so much for the support, and for taking the time to read this!

You snagged my review by seconds, so I've reviewed both RoxiMalfoy (who I was aiming for) and this and I am so glad that you sneaked in before me.

This is really quite brutal and cruel in its honesty, almost shockingly so. But then that's our Severus for you. (-: I can really hear him snapping out this confession, almost accusingly as if he doesn't want to admit it.

My favourite line "and his enemies were almost exactly the same as my own" - poor sod. That "almost" was what caused him so much heartache and he didn't realise it until it was too late.

N

Author Response

Aww, thanks for the review, and sorry I left you with double the work! 

Severus has never been the kind of person whose head I naturally inhabit, but when I saw a challenge for unrequited love, it just had to be him. I've always hated stories that have Severus as overly romantic or gushy, and so this was purposefully aiming for stark and dark. Really good to hear I hit that.

Glad you liked the almost - not sure anyone else has noticed that yet, and I was quite pleased with it, meself. Thanks for the input!

After reading this it's just dawned on me that Lily might've been rejecting James all the time because she wanted Severus to man up and ask her... How did I not catch that before?

This is a very short piece, you're right, but it's also very beautiful. I have such a huge soft spot for Severus/Lily, and Severus/Lily fics which fall into canon too are just heaven on earth for me. And this is full of so much delicious grammar that for me it's both beautiful to read and beautiful to just look at... Is that weird?

I always love reading fics in which there's a part with Severus explaining his allegiance to Voldemort, and how you've described that here is just so perfect. I was a little worried at the beginning, because Snape sounded a little off, but as it got going either I settled into it or Snape seemed more... Snapey? I know. I'm so articulate. But hopefully you get what I mean, haha.

So, I pretty much have nothing but praise for this. Usually I get confused when all paragraphs are a very similar length, but I like it here probably where the piece is so short to start with. That's the only thing wrong with it... that something that would usually bother me, doesn't bother me so much with this. Yay :)

10/10 -clicks favourite-

Lorren.

Author Response

Wow (fans self with hand as she turns a flattering shade of beetroot). Thank you so much! I always had a lot of trouble getting into Snape's head, as he always struck me as self-centred and petty, but when this challenge came through it suddenly hit me. Honestly, the entire piece was written in under an hour!

My paragraphs are pretty much always the same length, which I blame on years of writing scientific essays, where such a thing is seen as a good thing. One day I'll get out of my three-five sentences per paragraph rule, but I doubt it will be any time soon. Still, my writing's pretty straight forward anyway, and if the flip side is good grammar then it might all be worth it!

Thanks so much for reviewing, and for both the positive comments and the minor suggestions, which I'll have a look at once the house cup is over and my brain stops being mush!

W-O-W!!
That was exhilerating...I had a vague idea of how much Snape loved Lily, but it could be this storng or at this level I had no idea...Love is beyond life they say...your story has given a new meaning to this saying...really well written, all emotions portrayed perfectly and I LOVED your brief mention to the incident in their 5th year where James saved Snape...
Bravo!!
~CessZ

Author Response

Aww *blushes* Thanks so much. I always figured that given how taciturn Snape can be, the depth of his emotions never really gets much of a display, and yet his actions imply it. Hence, I thought it'd be fun to try and write something about his musings on the subject. Anyways, wasn't sure how well said feelings came across, so glad to know it worked for you.

Thanks for reviewing!

Good evening, it's me again. I have now finished the translation of your fic and posted it.
Of course, I reference you as the author - I'm only translator=)
Hope I have done it well and readers will really enjoy it. 
Thanks for this fic and for your agreement. I am going now to read other your works :)

Yours, Daria.

P.S. There I can't post any links... If you want to see the place where I have posted it, give your e-mail, ok?

Author Response

Cool - really glad someone does this! And thanks for picking my stories - hope someone gets some enjoyment out of them. Don't worry about posting a link - I should be able to google it if it's under my name!

Good luck with all of this, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

Hello!
My name is Daria, I am from Russia, from Saint-Petersbourg. I really loved your fic and I wonder if I can translate it into Russian for Russian writers&readers could read and enjoy it)) So I ask for your permission. Hope I'll have it.
Waiting for your answer, Daria.

Author Response

Hi!

Wow, that's really flattering! Yes, you can definitely translate and post this fic for Russian readers, so long as you reference the original author and site of course.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and requesting!

I really really like this! It is really sweet, I think that people don't spend enough time on Lily and Snape's relationship. This is really well written too. I have a quick question. Where do you find the challenges? I've looked everywhere and I can't seem to find them! Anyways, I loved this story and if you could answer my question that would be great! Thanks so much!

Author Response

Wow, glad you liked it. I wouldn't have spent much time thinking about Snape/Lily either, if it wasn't for the unrequited love challenge - I think unrequited love, I automatically think Snape/Lily!

So, as to where to find the challenges - they're on the forums (sixth link down in the first box on the right of your current page). It's a bit of a faff joining - you have to join, then post in specific topics, then get validated - but a) the forums are awesome! and b) there are tonnes of things like challenges there. Oh, and c) while there are steps to take, it's actually pretty straight-forward as it's all thoroughly explained.

Anyways, hope you get a chance to join - once there, just go to the giant topic called "story challenges", and have a browse!

I think this is great (:
Very well written!

Author Response

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it, and I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

I'm immensely glad that this got validated in time; I love all the stories that are submitted to my challenge, and this is no exception. Severus and Lily is hardly under-appreciated, but I still think you offered a new insight to their relationship. 

Right off the bat, I was submerged in the poetic lines of this story. I liked how you started off the story in a way that completely pulled the reader in and let them know exactly what was going on. There was no beating around the bush, no long flowery descriptions - there was a blunt statement that alerted the reader to what the mood of the story would be. I like how you went from that sentence into a description of how Severus has always been there for Lily and loved her all the while, even when he wasn't quite sure what love was. And I liked how you used this same method of showing snapshots of their relationship in the second paragraph - how, no matter how much time they spent together, he never cracked and finally told her. I thought that it really showed just how human Severus really was.

I liked how you went from that into a comparison with how different James was from him, but I think the story would've been even more powerful if you had expanded on that comparison - how Severus and James are so different in everything besides their love for Lily. However, I still did enjoy that you focused on how James had more endurance with his proclamations of love. I think you could easily argue that Severus loved Lily more because when he loved her, he gave her his all - whereas James just gave her a little bit each time because he knew he would have to keep giving more. I don't know if that makes much sense, but that's what this story made me think and it actually made me understand Severus' devotion to Lily a little bit more, if that makes sense. I definitely applaud you for that, because I'm not normally a big fan of their relationship.

I was a little confused about the paragraph in which you said Severus told the Dark Lord everything. It didn't really make much sense to me that you wrote how he told Him everything, and how he supposedly reacts with compassion when in the next sentence Severus points out that the Dark Lord could never be compassionate about anything. I was just unsure what was going on here and why Severus would tell Voldemort everything if he knew it would put Lily in danger, or if perhaps he did it involuntarily? Maybe you could add an additional sentence to clarify, or perhaps I'm just immensely dense ;)

I really liked how you showed Severus' selflessness. In most stories, love can be so selfish, but the one aspect of Severus' love for Lily that I've always admired is that it wasn't selfish at all. I liked how you paid special attention to the fact that Severus didn't want anything except Lily's safety - how he tried to protect her not out of some selfish desire to win her back, but merely because he cared about her. I'm not sure if you've ever read Nicholas Sparks, but it reminded me of the ending to Dear John - how all John wanted was for her to be happy. If you've never read it, then please just ignore the ramblings of a girl who's obsessed with romantic novels ;)

That being said, the biggest critique I have for you is that this story lacks a definitive plot. It seems more like the inner musings of Severus, and while there's nothing wrong with it, I think you could've gotten your point across even more if you had included Severus' perception of some actual events. I'm sorry if this offends you at all and please feel free to ignore any of the criticisms I've offered in this review if you like; they are all merely my opinion and, without any changes, I still think this story is great. 

My favorite part is definitely the ending when you tied the story into the title (not only because I love that moment when the title finally clicks). There are so many Severus and Lily fanfictions, but I wasn't lying when I said that this story gave me new insight into their relationship. The last line of this literally broke my heart because it just really made me realize that his love for her meant loving her even after she was dead, and I can't even imagine his pain. I think what made it even more powerful was the use of the word 'must'; it seems so small and insignificant, but, honestly, it changed the entire meaning of the sentence for me. It implies obligation and lack of control over one's emotions, as though, even if Severus wanted to change how he felt, he wouldn't be able to. And I think that really showed how vulnerable and helpless Severus really was to falling in love with her, and it's depressing. It definitely fulfilled my expectations of unrequited love.

Now that I've rambled on for quite some time and probably bored you to death with my inner thoughts about this story, I just want to thank you for submitting your story. I think I might actually be tempted to read some more Severus/Lily stories, thanks to your story and a few other submissions ;) Believe me, that's a big accomplishment. In short, I really enjoyed this.

Cherry Bear

Author Response

Wow. I think your review was longer than my story!

Yeah, this IS just a set of inner musings - I have no plot to give it. It just kind of came to me in a big lump when I saw your challenge. I plan to re-write it one day, when I have more to give it, but on the other hand, a lot of the back-story will be covered in two other stories I'm writing.

Up until I saw your challenge, I had no interest in writing Snape and Lily myself - then, it was like "I have to work him out, I can't just assume he's an irritating man-boy". The 'must' bit was supposed to be pivotal in this, so I'm glad it clicked for you.

The compassionate bit was... badly written. It's supposed to show how the Dark Lord gave him promises of compassion, which Snape didn't believe. Hence the desperation, and the turning to Dumbledore. Just trying to work out why Snape would tell Voldemort everything, then turn to Dumbledore after being reassured by Voldemort that Lily would be safe.

Thanks for all your supportive encouragement with this - I will definitely be entering more challenges!

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