Harry Potter Fanfiction – Read Over 85,000 Stories!

whoo hoo! thats really good. if you keep writing, it will probably become bigger than Clash!!!

Author Response

Thanks! I'm so glad you like it. Haha! I wish! But  I appreciate the faith in me! Thanks so much for the review. I hope you have a wonderful day. xxx

Hey! I just found this story and it seems like a great start! I love the drama (I mean who does not love drama? No one, that's who). Anyway it seems great especially how she told James that she was pregnant. And then he fainted. I seriously laughed so loud at that point! Anyway, please update soon because I would love to read more of this story!

Author Response

Oh dear. James Potter isn't invincible after all. He fainted. 
Well, sure do need to know more about that.

Author Response

Haha, yep. He did :) Thanks :) I should be updating this in the summer :)  Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day. xx

I am a big fan of your other stories but this one hasnt made the immediate impact like the others. I think you made me immediatly sceptical by pointing out the cliche idea but maybe some people wouldnt think that so maybe pointing this out in the authors note was not the best idea, give people the chance to make up their own minds. 
Whilst reading i had the cliche seed in my mind and couldnt help compare this to other oopsie im pregnant in hogwarts stories. I did however enjoy the character of florence. It is obvious your talent lies in creating great female lead characters. However maybe it is time to deviate from the awkward socially inept girl template. Stretch your writing talents and im sure we will all be rewarded with your greatest fanfic.
I will continue to read this as i find your writing flows so well that i find myself coming to check for your updates weekly! It might not seem so after this review but i am a big fan and hope you kick the cliche elements of this story with your humour and wit.
(excuse spelling and gramatical mistakes thank you)
(is grammatical a word.?..it is now)

Author Response

heya :) I can understand your point, i wrote this 2 years ago, it isn't my best writing as my style has slightly changed and developed since I wrote this. And yes, I totally understand that.  I'm glad you liked Florence though :) And really? You think I have talent? Thank you. And yes, I will :) I'm exploring all characters eventually :) But all the characters I write, they just write themselves at the moment, I don't even have to think about it. And thanks for sticking around anyway :) Haha, don't worry, I appreciate an honest opinion and I'm still glad you like my stories :) Thank you so much! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day! xxx

I really love this story & its potential...please make it your new year's resolution to continue it! ;)

Author Response

Don't worry, I have :) Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot to me :) I hope you have a great day! xx

i would love it if you could keep writing this story. it starts off so well. you are a really good writer :)

Author Response

I am planning to pick up this story again :) Hopefully next chapter should come out soon! Thanks so much, you're very kind! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xxx

Review tag! 

First of all, I really like how you employed first person. Normally, I'm not a big fan of first person, but I thought you did really well at putting us into Florence's head. Her characterization was enjoyable. I thought, overall, the characterization was well thought out too. 

The ending was fun, and I didn't see that coming. It was realistic, sad, and humorous all at the same time. 

And I really like the name Florence. It's just a good name. And even though I'm not well versed in Next Generation fics, I enjoyed this.

Author Response

Hi! 

Thanks! I love using first person, it's always so fun to write. And I'm glad you liked the characterization. Yay! I'm happy you liked the ending because it was such fun to write. I'm glad you like the name Florence! I am a really big fan of it. I'm glad you enjoyed it too! And thanks so much for the nice review and I hope you have a great day!

I was really apprehensive upon starting this. The whole, its another "I got pregnant at Hogwarts" story. I didn't think it was possible to write one of those without making it cliche. And then I actually begin to read. 
You've definitely made this original, in so many ways. The biggest would be that she told him right away. There was no huge lead up to it, no drama, no mean girl telling the entire school. And I really liked that about it!
If anyone can pull off a pregnancy story without making it cliche, it has to be you. I really liked this first chapter!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author Response

I can understand why you'd think that because stories like this have become cliche but I couldn't help myself by starting a story like this. A cliche is a cliche for a reason; people like it. 

Thank you! Haha, Florence doesn't mess around, she is in Gryffindor for a reason :) Thank you! 

Thanks so much, you're very kind! I'm so glad you think that!

xxx

Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
Who is the girl on your banner and your chapter image? She seems kind of familiar to me. Hahahaha he fainted OMG he fainted that wasn’t the reaction I was expection. I really adore Florence she’s so unlike most other characters on this site. A slightly awkward but utterly brilliant. I love the fact she’s a bit awkward not everybody is smooth and it makes me simply love her. I really loved this and put this in my favorite story list
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author Response

Thank you for coming across my page, it means a lot to me! Rachel Hurd-Wood, I think :) haha, yes, James sucks! Thank you, I think that is how Neville's child would be, awkward but awesome. I'm so glad you liked it, it means a lot to me and wow! thanks so much for the favourite, you're far too kind. thanks again.

xxx

I want to see where this goes! I really hope you update soon! I normally don't read these sorts of stories, but I do like this one. 
~LilyFire

Author Response

Really? Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you normally don't read these stories but you took time to read this one, thanks so much! I'm so glad you like it. And I'll try to update soon! Thanks again! Have a great day!

Gahhh I love this and you have only witten one chapter. One! :( :( Are you going to update this anytime soon? Please say you will =/ I really, really love it!

Author Response

I know, I lost inspiration for this story :( But I think it's coming back! Look out for the rest of the story in the summer! *Only a month left for me* I'm going to pick up this story again, I promise! So sorry for taking so long. Thanks for the review, you people are the reason I haven't clicked delete. Thanks so much.

haha!! i loved it!! update!! 9/10 =]

Author Response

Thanks, I'll try to update soon :)

WWWhhhaaattt??? 
ya thats pretty much all other than 
the your amazings and please update soon
(i might still be in shock thats the only thing i could think of as a reason for such a short sense making review)
10/10

Author Response

Really? Wow, I'm so glad you liked it, that makes me super happy :) I'll try to update soon and thanks for the review :) x

hee hee! i love it! 10/10 and pleaaassseee update soon!

Author Response

Thank you! I'm so glad that you do! I'll try to update soon :D Thanks for the review. x

AH! THIS IS CRAZY GOOD! UPDATE! NOW! .please? (:

Author Response

Really? You think? Wow. Thanks. I'll try to update soon :)

OMG pleaseee
update
please
update
common you know you want to ;)

Author Response

I'll try to update soon. Thanks so much for your support and review. xxx

Keeelyyy.

Why is everything you write so amazing? Honestly, it's astounding! Even though the story idea may be a bit cliche, you wrote it in a way that made it seem like a new idea again. Like, other stories like this are no irrelevant because this is the standard they have to live up to.

And I aodre Florence after just one chapter. She is such a sweetheart, but with a bit of an edge, haha.

It's been ages and ages since you updated this, but I hope when you find time in your life and are maybe done with one of your other WIPs, you take it up again. I think this has a lot of potential.

Author Response

Ericaa

You're so sweet & I needed that at this fine moment. Really, I'm in awe of you.

I'm so glad you like this.

Yep, it's been ages, but sometimes it's hard to find a groove if the voice doesn't speak out. I'm going to finish it one day, I would have deleted it otherwise, I like the story, I just like writing my other stories more, if that makes sense. 

thanks so much for the review, it's made my night.

xxx

HAHA! James Potter fainting! Wow. This is really good. Keep it up!

Author Response

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it!

Oh please update soon!!! It's amazing and it's just the first chaper. James is a little of an ass but he's not his father so it's ok I guess.

Author Response

Thank you! I'm so glad you like it. That means a lot to me, I'll try to update soon, but my laptop is broken, but i'm getting a new one next week, so wooo :) but thanks again.

XD he fainted! Funnny
A really good story, i can' wait to see how it pans out! 
10/10 :)

Author Response

I'm glad you think that :)
Thank you! I'll try to update soon.
Thanks for the review, it means a lot to me.
xxx

GAHHH! OMFG! This is incredible! Lol It's funny how James seems terrified of Ella yet he's still with her. I guess all men like to suffer lol. I can't wait to read the next chapter and how this all works out! Please update soon!

-Theia..=]

Author Response

I'm so glad you like this story. Yes! There is a lot of fear mixed in with love with them two :) Thank you so much! I'll try to update soon :) Thanks for the review, you're amazing.

Hi
You did say that you'd given Neville and Hannah a daughter named Florence (as have I) so I thought that I'd check her out. Your Florence is James' contemporary. Mine would be thirteen the year James leaves school.

I'm always surprised at how many fanfictions are "relationship" rather than "action" based. Most of them, it seems, and I'm probably as guilty as the next person. I'll be honest and say that I've never read any "unexpected pregnancy" stories, and I really didn't think that I ever would. So, I have no idea what the cliches of this particular sub-genre are. Also, this is the first ever "next-generation" story I've read, so again, I've no idea about cliches. The only James stories I've written are about his birth, and when he's five.

Anyway, now that I've established my lack of credentials, onwards.

I like Florence, she's a nicely drawn character and you obviously know what she's like. I love that you don't tell us anything about what she looks like. We aren't even certain whether James finds her attractive, or whether he's simply trying it on with "the lonely girl".

She is obviously "the lonely girl" but you don't come out and tell us (unlike the worst fanfic writers) you simply show us by letting us see her pretty awful social skills and her obvious loneliness. All in all you give us a fantastic portrait of this socially awkward girl. That alone makes this story great.

Now I'm going to criticise.
What is James like? I really don’t have much idea from this chapter. It is possible that you simply want him to remain enigmatic. If you do, that's fine, but I've seen a lot of comments on the boards about what James is like. (I've been picked up about my version of Blaise Zabini because in most fanfics he seems to be a hot babe-magnet and my Blaise is a bit of a creep.) I'm probably wrong here, but if you're assuming that I will know "what James is like" from other fanfics, don't. This is your James, establish him as your character, no one can tell you that you're wrong.

I've found one error: "sharing his accompany" should be sharing his company. And one sentence I had to reread to get the sense of it. "It’s not it's fault I'm incredibly stupid." At first I thought you meant James then I realised that you were saying "it's not the baby's fault that I'm incredibly stupid." that's an easy fix.

I'd assumed from your spellings, that you're an American but, apparently you're British. This surprised me as you use US spellings (realization, not realisation).
It's possible (likely even) that I'm not up with the latest youthspeak but: 
"My momma would be so proud." doesn't sound right to me, momma definitely, unless Florence is being ironic in a fake American accent.
I'd never say "I guess" in fact, I'd have said that we Brits don't guess unless we’re guessing.
"going to be pissed about" is another odd one to me I'd use pissed for drunk and pissed off for annoyed.
"you dumbass" again, I can't see Neville's daughter using this phrase. Harry's generation certainly wouldn't use these, but nextgen, who knows?
Really, very good start, despite my criticisms.
N

Author Response

Hello I hope you're having a great day :)

I'm bad at action, I'm not really an action girl unless it involves killing zombies :) But even though I know this isn't your usual cup of idea, thank you for reading anyway :)

Thank you :) I'm so glad you like Florence and you've understood her character perfectly. 

I was planning on revealing James character through the next chapter; this chapter is just to set everything up. The next chapters is when we dive into the characters psyche. 

Ahh! I change that now :) Thanks for pointing that out.

Haha, I suppose I've accidentally re wired my brain from reading too much fan fiction. Plus my spell checker is American I think. I wrote this proper slangie too. I need to stop that. I write things how I would say them Oups. I'll work on that.

Thanks so much for reading though :)

Don't apologise for this being based on a cliche. All those people who hate cliches? They lie. Every single one of us has some part of us that adores cliches. The size of this part varies from person to person, but it always exists.

And this? I LOVE IT. Love it, love it, love it. I want more!

I love Florence. She is such a breath of fresh air and I love reading about her. I would love to know more about her, though. I know it's early days considering it is only one chapter so far, but I really am itching to know about her. Simply because I know I am going to adore her.

This has so much potential. It can go in so many places. James. Erica. Florence. There are so many possibilities. And I absolutely adore it. And I can't wait to see where it goes. Keep writing because I want more!

Joop :]

Author Response

I just thought it would be fun :) But yay anyway :)
Really? Thank you so much.

Wow. That's a huge compliment. Thank you.

Thank you so much, for the sweet review, it's put a huge smile on my face :D
xxx

Aaah, I want to read what happens next! You've got a very good start so far, and I'm already hooked with only one chapter in, which is a pretty good thing. 
Hahaha, I love how James fainted. Very unmanly of him - I like it! I'm also enjoying this Florence character. She seems like a very fun character, and I can't wait to read more from her. 
As far as the whole pregnancy fics go, well at least you're making them adults (even if it is just by a year or two) and out of Hogwarts, so that right there is a good sign. I'm tired of reading about pregnant students - I'd watch MTV if I wanted to see that, not HPFF. 
Okey doke, well I all I can say now is to keep up the awesome work, and I can't wait until your next update!
GO GRYFFIES!
-Camila :)

Author Response

I'll try to update soon. I'm so glad you liked the first chapter! Haha, yes, it was very unmanly of him now you say :D I'm so glad you like Florence :)

yay! I'm glad that helps you with the plot line. 

thank you so much  for the review it means a lot to me :)
and yes, go gryffies!

Ooh - I'm liking this! Yes, the pregnancy idea is used a lot, but this is by no means just one of many. I love how you have James being some guy she hardly knows, and how you have her handle the whole thing - it's a really unique take on the whole thing, which makes an otherwise dull concept refreshingly interesting.

My favourite line has got to be: "This was my moment. It was now or never. Or next week. Maybe I should do it next week?" That was just perfect, and it really gave us a feel for who your character is.

The only real criticism would be to watch the apostrophes - yes, I'm a pedant, but its and it's being mixed up can make things harder to read. Also, the line "defiantly invading other peoples space" is probably supposed to be "definitely invading other people’s space", and as both technically could fit it really made my reading jerk. However, most people aren't massive pedants, so most porbably won't even notice.

Still, loving it, and really glad I had the chance to check your stuff out, as I'll be keeping an eye open in future!

Author Response

I'm so glad you liked this, I get worried about how concepts & the characters will come across. I'm so glad you liked that line; it really does sum up Florence :)

I'll be sure to watch out for them now that you've pointed them out! Thank you so much! 

Thanks so much, you've made my day :)

Reviews (45 found)

JOIN HARRY POTTER FANFICTION