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Reviews (2 found)

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I kind of like this, but at the same time I want to know more. I get the feeling of mixed up, confused and desperate feelings of this, which I think you were aiming for. It's a great little feelings piece. I didn't quite get that into it right from the start as all your water descriptions in the beginning didn't quite click with me, like the purring. But after a couple of paragraphs I got into the feelings and I liked it. 

Like you said there was a bit of a problem with the tenses. Around the middle of this you switch to present tense from past tense, but you could work that out and it would be fine. I hope you are now allowed to edit it anyway after you have written it non-stop, despite what the challenge said to do originally ;) You could easily also expand this if you wanted. Tell who all of them were, what had happened and why the couple was there for a short time. 

You don't really tell who anyone was, but I think the story info said Sirius, so I imagined that that was him in the shower and Lily and James was the couple. I at least imagined this as a triangle between them and that Lily and James had now got together and Sirius became the outsider. But like I said, even though I don't know much here, I liked the emotion in this and some kind of intensity. I understand how this would have been great to write. :)

Author Response

-dances-  What an amazing review!  

I actually didn't plan on expanding this because that's not why I wrote it.  I wrote it to clear my head and it worked, but you're right about the whole editing thing (though I doubt I'll get around to it... xD) because I did leave quite a few things up in the air!  

I'm really happy that you liked this despite the confusing, crazyness that I know was there.  You just made a good day, better!

(P.S.  You're right about the whole Sirius, Lily, James thing!)

Hello, I'm here to review for the challenge!  I am so sorry about the extended delay!

I've got to be rather quick on my review, but I must say, I was astounded.  I tell you that despite the flaws grammatically, which is perfectly fine, I thought this was genius.  This was like a walk in the park with the occasional stop to smell the roses, so to speak.  I thoroughly and completely enjoyed the read.  I congratulate you on the job most excellently well done!

Shelby

Author Response

I have to thank you.  This challenge was amazing and it helped me begin to unblock myself if you catch my drift.  xD

It amazes me and humbles me that you thought this was good.  Thank you so much!

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