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wow its good. where's chapter 8?

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when is chapter 8 up? its really good!

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Poor Severus!  I can't wait to see what happens next.  Please update soon!

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I promie I am cloe to finihing chapter 7!

Hello!

This chapter has some nice humorous parts, though I don't really understand the part about the two little kids. Obviously, they're brats, but Snape didn't have to talk to them, or watch them. He really didn't even have to stay in the apothecary. I guess you're trying to set up that he doesn't like kids, but it sounds rather strange to me.

I was also wondering, what's Snape's code name? I thought hem might have commented on it when Shoshana gave him the records.

One more thing, is Snape totally oblivious to what happened back in England? After all Voldemort is dead. I would have thought that he would have heard, even from America. Actually I thought at first that Cyrus Dumort was a codename for Voldemort. The names are pretty similar actually (or at least dumort/demort).

Also, I found a typo: t"he cashier who had know idea of how to brew" it should be "no idea" not "know idea"

I hope my reviews have helped you!

Author Response

Well, the two little kids were actually the main characters from another story, Harry Potter and the Skat-Hatokha Reaction. Chante' is a big fan of this story, so I included them in a little cameo. There are all sorts of outside references, and a lot of them are inside jokes.

Hello, again.

This chapter is again, interesting. I feel like Elliot is a bit an odd character, but I guess it might just be because he takes his work very seriously. I do like the character of Shoshana, though she seems pretty young to be doing her job if she's only 20.

Snape seems snarky, but I don't get that same amount of sliminess off of him that I got in the books. He seems more relaxed and tolerant of all the changes, which seems rather unlike Snape.

Also, a few typos: "Grab jacket,” Elliot order once again."  That should be "ordered" and I'm also not sure why Elliot is saying "Grab jacket" and speaking in sentence fragments. Another instance where Elliot says something odd: "just in case they still has anything they wants to take out on me." Shouldn't that be "Just in case they still have something they want to take out on me"?  

Anyways, I hope this was helpful to you!

Author Response

Well, you'll probably get more of the sliminess once he gets around actual children.

Hi, Aderyn here for your review.

This first chapter is quite unique. I haven't heard of any story like it, but it seems like it could be interesting. I'm not sure about how Snape will turn out as a character since you've only written him as silent and scathing so far, but I guess you can't keep him like that forever.

I do think that his characterization is accurate though. Snape would be appalled to be under the care of arrogant former students. I also think that both Elliot and Judith seem like realistic OCs.

I'm not sure about the whole revival spell thing though. If Snape was dead before the spell was cast, would he have heard the "Clear!"?  That seems a bit unlikely.

One spelling thing: "N.E.W.T. Potions class, but at lot more" should be "but a lot more" Just a little typo.=]

Overall, not a bad start. It's well paced and has potential to be a good story!

Author Response

Well, I can't imagine anyone feeling very talkaHe'll start talking more once he has had some time to recover.

Oooh, I smell something interesting going on in that school!

So far, I really like your story. It is believable, it is original and most of all - it's absolutely hilarious. Your writing is amazing and you have a nice attention for details - like pretending Snape being injured in Vietnam. Such things really flesh out a story.

As I said before, the flow of the story and the characterisations are also great. Maybe Snape is a wee bit OOC but it's a comedic story after all and I think it's actually needed. Just a bit though, all in all you write him very similarly to JK. I applaud you for this, since many people get him very wrong.

I'll add your story to my favourites and I'll probably review more later, but I am a bit short on time. I really enjoyed reading this and I'm glad that you offerred it for reading. ;)

See ya,
Harley

P.S. I am not sure if my reviews were very helpful per say, but all in all you're doing everything right. I don't think you need pointers on how to continue it. It's enjoyable and well-written and that's the thing that counts.

Author Response

Well, it's always nice to get reviews anyway. I didn't even know a review thread existed, but don't worry. I plan to give as many reviews as a receive.

And the plot thickens!

I like Shoshana very much (maybe because she is a bit like me... let's ignore that comment). She is an interesting OC.

In this chapter, the humurous side of the story came through. I mean, the part where Severus is eyeing disapprovingly the hookers. Heheh. :D

Overall entertainment of the story up so far - great!

Moving on,
Harley

Author Response

Yeah, you can't exactly go straight from the death and war to laughter. But the rest of the story's going to be a lot more like this.

Hey, here is HarleyQuinn from the forums!

I have to say that this is a very original story. I've always been unhappy that Snape had been killed and I am always glad to see stories that rectify the situation (in a somehow plausible way).

I also like your writing so far. You have attention to detail, the flow is good, Snape is very in character (I especially appreciate the end when he thinks that he is a coward for running away, though I think that maybe he would want to return and help in the war nonetheless).

It's a very strong beginning and I'll review several more chapters to see how things are going further.

Best,
Harley

Author Response

Well, it was for thegirlikeme's birthday, and I couldn't think of a better present that to bring Snape back from the dead. I got the idea from that scene in Misery.

Wow, this is really interesting! My favourite bit of this story is that those taking care of him are all former Students, so they're a bit confused by that. lol. 

I have never once thought about 'What if Snape lived?' Thank you for forcing me to do so! I want to know more! I will have to read more later though, as I'm very hungry and need to find some food. Nice writing, and very unique! =)

Author Response

Well, I hope you'll read more of the story when you come back. Nothing better than a good story and an even better snack!

I think I'm in love with this.

I love that you can write such pain and then such humor. :) I can't find anything to correct, so I'm going to go over to the forums and yell at everyone to read this.

Only Snape fic I've ever read - I'm usually not a fan of his - and I'm loving, loving, loving it.

Ta ta!

Author Response

I'm so happy to be getting such strong recommendation from you'll. I hope you'll also suggest my Meet the Author thread, and maybe stop there yourself. I'm normally not a Snape writer myself, but it WAS Chante's birthday.

I had no idea you had posted this story on HPFF, but lo, to my surprise when I peek on your author's page do I find my favorite story in the world! And with such a pretty banner! Makes me wonder who those five girls at the last might be. Hm, five girls, eh? What are you up to, dear Molly?

So if I haven't told you enough, I love, love, love this story and I can't wait until you update. (hopefully soon, please). Can't wait to see where your brilliance may lead.

Author Response

Yes, I am hard at work on the next chapter, but I had to scrap what I had so far and start over from scratch. This chapter just does not want to be written. I think by bringing Snape back to life, I have angered God (or J.K. and her God-like writing powers), and now they're doing everything possible to keep this story from being written.

This story's starting to grow on me...I think the transplant to America has taken off well.

There does seem to be a bit of a challenge with the homophones: tail/tale, discreet/discrete e.g.

Author Response

I'll fix those mistakes right away, but I'm glad you like the story. And today actually is Chante's birthday again!

Loving this story so far:) Poor Snape, no one is scared of him anymore;p Can't wait to read the rest, and can't believe this doesnt have more reviews, its great:)

Author Response

Yes, I'm happy to see many others are enjoying this, just as much as Chante did.

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