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this is a great chapter and now i can't wait to read more. what's going to happen now? will u update soon please?^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author Response

:) gladly! Happy Easter btw!

I think it is very interesting and I like it.

Author Response

Glad to know!

First off,her name isn't Lillian. But I still love it.

Author Response

haha, you know I said the same thing when I was rereading it yesterday. thanks for reminding me to edit it!

Add a chapter or something! JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Author Response

OK OK DANG!!! :) I'm glad you like it.

This is an interesting story. Can i ask something? I am writing a story of the marauders as well and i was wondering if u could allow me to use ur song of the Sorting Hat?
Anyway, what's going to happen now? will u update soon please?^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author Response

Actually I kind of mind... sorry :( usually I'd say go ahead, but I remember sitting down for like a whole hour in like... 2004? and trying to find one... but anyway I will update soon. Sorry about the song.

that is SO ironic! i studied mythology last semester, and i'm a 9th grader. funny. lol. 

anyway, another good story :) i like how you described severus and lily

Author Response

wow, well have fun! I liked that class, but my teacher was a psycho!

I don't like Lily. So Petunia is the ugly ducking AND as if that wasn't enough, Lily becomes even more special than her. that' gotta hurt. So I understand Lily's want to be rid of her sister, but I think that her planning tricks is a little cruel. 
You said that Petunia felt hatred and then disbelief. I don't think that works...I think the order is critical, because if they are in the right order, then the reader can see the character's face in their mind's eye and better feel each emotion.
I would put Petunia's reaction in this order: disbelief (at the circumstances), hurt (as Lily is being praised), and THEN hate.  

But you can do whatever you like with your characters! 

=)

Author Response

thanks for the criticism. I'm trying to work through it myself. so i appreciate the review.

I love your story. When are you going to finish it?

Author Response

its a long story, but I've got up till the beginning of third year done. i'm just revising everything.

Good story...I LOVE YOUR BANNER! I am addicted to Harry Potter AND Gossip girl and in my mind I've seen Chuck/Blair as Lily/James, ever since the Victrola episode!

Author Response

hahah im glad you like both so much!

This story hooked me in from the beginning. I loved it! I normally don't read Lilly/James stories, but this one has me liking the pair very much. I cannot wait until you update!

Great job! :)

Author Response

thanks, so glad you liked it!!!

cute story!


and madd props for you banner. i saw those two in an add for the camera their holding in a magazine and just about had a heart attack. and i got all happy and giddy when i saw yourbanner =)

cutest couple ever on gossip girl... after james and lily of course! :D

Author Response

thanks! I'm glad you like it!

I completely forgot about your banner in my review! 

Usually I go to the longest stories when I'm searching in this category, but the banner was so beautiful and the title so charming that I clicked on your story, even though I had every intention of skipping all the recently updated ones. 

=)

Author Response

its cool. I usually only read the completed ones :)

I like how you start the story in an unusual place in Lily's life. 
What I don't like is your lack of commas from where they should be. There is also a lack of words that should be hyphenated.
I advise going back and putting in commas wherever there is a measurable pause or when you are listing items or adjectives, for example:
"Petunia always hated her sister mostly because Lily was pretty and got all the attention while Petunia was ugly and horse faced."

Then, if you were to put in commas where they should be, and hyphens where they should be placed, the sentence would look like this:

"Petunia always hated her sister, mostly because Lily was pretty and got all the attention while Petunia was ugly and horse-faced." [perhaps you should mention a quality that is unbecoming in Petunia's personality, because you have two physical descriptions for her and only one for Lily. And I want to know why Lily gets all the attention because in real, plausible life people don't get all the attention for being good looking. Also, it is effective to use less common if not more vibrant adjectives when describing characters. Especially if and when you are comparing two. What I mean, is the adjectives you chose ("pretty" and "ugly") are both very common and uninteresting. I like how you described Petunia as "horse-faced", even if J.K. Rowling did it first. It makes me think that she has unusually large front teeth and a large, long nose, which puts an image of a poor, ugly girl in my mind, so I think saying that she is ugly is unnecessary when you have such a wonderful descriptive word! I would like to see you go back and write the whys - like, why Lily is favored more than her sister. To avoid this whole bothersome paragraph about the sisters, you could simply describe their qualities in a conversation at the breakfast table and by using blocking and dialogue, convey what kind of characters you want the reader to see.]

Please keep up the writing! If you plug away at it, I believe your writing can become very strong and excellent. 

I would like to apologize if I have come across as ignorant, arrogant, or cruel. I don't mean to be any of these things; my intent is to give helpful feedback. I think that too often people are too quick to leave reviews oozing with enthusiasm - although that is definitely nice to receive, and not always insincere. 

I would also like to give you the benefit of the doubt; perhaps you wrote this at a young age, or have yet to go back and correct what flowed from (ah! I was going to say pen, but this is a computer!) your fingers. I'm smiling rather sheepishly.

Good luck.

Author Response

Haha, its cool. I wrote this in 2004 or something along those lines. And while I totally suck at grammar sometimes, i have improved. However, i tend to miss things in my writing. I only quickly skimmed the chapter and believe me I added way more commas then were their before. And i completely agree with the word choice. I was frowning while i reread it, but way to busy to change much. not to mention my word choices are not usually that spectacular. However, I do promise to eventually go back and try to correct as much mistakes as I can in time. Not too mention ill focus a lot on my quality writing in future chapters. I knew all those things, but I'm just being lazy. Thanks though, I do appreciate it!!!

More! It was really good!

Author Response

im glad you liked it!

Keep 'em comming!!!:D:D

Author Response

will do! thanks!

aww thats so cute!! i really love how you started james' and sirius' friend ship.. so HILARIOUS!!... 'so, do you like quidditch??

lol update soon, this is a really good, no GREAT story.

:D 
kt

Author Response

thanks, will have the chapter for this story up later today!

dang man, lily has got some skill!! though her sister aint so sweet. 

ohh and i reallyy like the banner to this story. i absolutly love ed westwick and leighton meester.but more ed westwick. possibly the hottest man alive. 

but back to your story. ya i love it.

:P

Author Response

im glad u like the banner, and the story. thanks soo much!

:D woot woot! lol, i liked how you described the beginning of james' and sirius' friendship. also, have you read mythology? b/c you mention two godesses, Hestia and Athena...i was just wondering, lol.

Author Response

yea, i studied mythology in like 9th or 10th grade. Which I believe was around the time i first started this story. So yea, those names are all thanks to good ol' mythology!

i love your story title for some reason, like hogwarts; a history. its cute!

Author Response

yea, it just sort of came to me. the last title i had was way too long and boring.

this story is really cute! xo

Author Response

im glad you like it, thank you so much for the review!!!

aw! that's so cute! anyways, i plan to review for every chapter, because i like this story, lol...and because i love the banner. but what can i say? i love chuck bass, i mean, that's actually my signature on my cell. lol.

ANYWAYS! back to  harry potter, lol. another excellent chapter that was perfectly written :)

Author Response

awww, you are way way wayyy too kind. but i appreciate it so much! There is a 90% chance ill have another one up today, but lets see!

haha! yeah, the banner totally drew me in! this is going to seem weird, but i sorta like that the chapters are so short. it gives you mopre time to think it over, lol. anyways, good chappie. update soon pzlz! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Author Response

thats good. I remember when I first wrote it, and everyone was like "please make the chapters longer!" and i was like, "my brain doesn't think that way!!!"
whatever. Merry late xmas to you! I'll have the next chapter up in about two minutes (mostly since I was waiting for a review so thanks)!

i am SO excited for this story! (albeit, its a bit of the banner--i just LOVE ed westwick, lol.) but its a good beggining! update soon!

Author Response

Ha! I knew the banner would draw you all in! GO ME!!! Well go XxescapingfatexX, but ah well! Merry Christmas!

I think I could get into this story... it's different from the other stories, and I like it... good job!

Author Response

Thanks, I'm going to update again before I hit the hay!

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