I want a lobster as a pet! Another good chapter!
Author's Response: A lobster for a pet would be very interesting hehe glad you liked it!
'â€œYou cooked one of your pets?â€ he cried, staring at the lobster in front of him. It almost looked as if it could crawl off the plate and into his lap.'
I laughed so hard at that, really witty!
Author's Response: I had so much fun writing that line lol :D
Fun, I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: yay!
I'm enjoying my reading so far, and I love the Viktor gave her the money. I'm writig a fic with Viktor right now and you've managed to capture a kind of voice in him that I've been struggling for, so that last bit of chapter really caught my attention :)
Author's Response: lol well I am glad to help :D
That was funny. I never thought Hermione would be obsessed with shoes. :) Great chapter.
Author's Response: yeah but she is out of character so she can do whatever she wants xD thanks
Ron's commentary and thoughts - it was cute and seemed like things he would think
Hermione's plan. Although insane, she would plan out how exactly she would spend her money
Ron has more character than just being a glutton.
I'm kinda confused about the money. Was this the money that Krum gave her? And if so, why doesn't she just use it? If its not, then why is she walking around with it instead of leaving it in the bank?
Overall, good job, really funny chapters.
Let me know when you post again, and i'll review!!
Author's Response: Positive Things - hehe
Negative Things -
Ron - I know that, but the point of this chapter is to show that side of him
Money - Yes it is the money Krum gave her and as laid out in the last few chapters she has the money to buy the shoes, which is why she is at the shoe store in the first place ;)
Glad you liked the story and I have the last parts done, just have to edit them :) I'll let you know!
Hey!! Really sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing.
1. Really cute titles. I was cracking up.
2. I liked the interaction between Hermione and Victor - i really like your characterization of Pansy.
3. Pansy flaunting the shoes was also really well done. I can totally see her doing that.
4. Careful with your phrasing. There are times when it seems kind of awkward.
5. Hermione's parents don't seem like the kind to break rules - as in let her and Ron go off together
Author's Response: 1. It was fun to think of them too hehe
2. Good to hear
3. Me too lol
4. Awkward how and where?
5. Its an out of character story so its expected no one will do things quite right and besides we never see her parents at all so who's to say what they would and would not do
thanks for the review :)
Oh, so she hasn't decided what shoes to buy... Well, I really don't have a lot to say about this chapter either, seeing as it was so short. I think Hermione's reaction was very realistic, as was Ron's. That's really all I've got, though. Good luck with the rest of your story, dear. xoxo
Author's Response: lol yeah I know its short, couldn't think of much else to do with Wrath and I couldn't think of anything else besides Hermione being so mad she didn't want to talk to him ...which leads to a pretty short chapter hehe
its ok though, thanks for the reviews nana!
You did a nice job with Ron, although I wonder why he was confused by fish. O_o I can see him freaking out about the lobster tank, though. I used to do that myself, actually. Also, why were they all staring at him? Was it because he was so under-dressed?
All in all, you did a nice job with this chapter. I haven't a lot to say, so I suppose I'll just leave it there. :]
Author's Response: He was not confused by fish just the lobster hehe I figure his family would not be able to afford something like that as it is rather expensive so he would be surprised by it. As for his dress, yes he was under dressed. In a place that charges so much for one lobster it would be a bit odd to see a kid in jeans and a t-shirt hehe
I like your inclusion of Ron in this chapter very much. He needed a little screen time, I think. :] However, I believe that Hermione made the decision to bring him along a little too quickly. I think she would have been a bit more hesitant.
Other than that, I'm a little confused as to why Hermione would want the same pair of shoes Pansy was already planning to wear to the ball. If Krum had given her extra money [he did, didn't he?], I think she should have purchased shoes that were even more expensive than the ones she originally wanted.
Author's Response: I don't see it as to quickly because she asked everyone else and is frustrated about no one she wants to go being able to go and rather go alone she just decides to drag him along hehe
And Hermione is getting the shoes because she wants them, however that does not mean she is just getting that one pair ;)
Hello again. :]
I would've loved to see Hermione ask Pansy about the muggle-ness of her shoes. That would have simply made my day, lol! It seems very realistic to me that Ron and Harry were having trouble grasping the importance of the shoes - they're so ignorant sometimes! They're perfectly capable of defeating dark wizards and capturing the bad guys, but when it comes girls, they're completely lost for the most part! ;]
While I understand that it's important to you plot, I can't see Hermione accepting the money [especially that much] from Viktor. I honestly can't even see her talking to him about the shoes. I don't really have a suggestion for you to improve her character that wouldn't require changing parts of your plot around. :[ I'll let you know if I think of anything, though.
-skips off to chapter 3-
Author's Response: Oh don't worry Hermione will bring it up later hehe and as for Viktor, Hermione did not mention the shoes to him. He, being the popular guy, has seen enough woman swoon over clothes that he knew what she wanted hehe as for her taking the money...that is slightly out of character and I don't plan on changing it. Besides Viktor would not take the money back anyways cause he wants to see her in her new outfit ;) hahaha
Hello, dear. :] At long last, I've come to review your story! I've seen several other stories that were written in response to this challenge, so I'll be very interested to read through your interpretation of the idea.
I suppose we'll start with the niggly details. Grammar, anyone? ;]
1) Hermione walked into her Transfiguration lesson with Professor McGonagall to found a large group of girls... You'll notice here that you used the word 'found' rather than 'find'.
2) Hermione laughed smugly at the thought of a silent Pansy, it certainly would be an improvement. Here, you have a comma splicing issue - you've got two complete sentences seperated only by a comma. I would suggest either making these two seperate sentences or usuing a semicolon.
There were a few other minor mistakes, but there wasn't really anything more that took away from my reading experience. :] I've two suggestions for you that might help you with your Hermione issue.
First, I felt like the shoes were introduced rather abruptly. If they are going to be such a large part of your story, I would suggest mentioning them at the beginning of the chapter, before Pansy brings them up during the lesson. Perhaps Hermione has just seen them and is still thinking about how lovely they would look with the dress she's looking forward to wearing. What would Victor think? I believe Krum released a sort of girlish side to Hermione, and that might fit in nicely with the shoes.
Secondly, I would have Hermione fume silently to herself after Pansy shows her the shoes. Rather than having her talk about how unfair it was, I would make her actions more aggresive and irritated - not quite so sloppy [dropping the root into the potion]. Maybe she cuts the root into pieces that were too large or too fine. Whatever she does, make it angry and aggressive.
I hope that helps some!
Author's Response: The shoes were brought up in the first paragraph of the story....well not by name but it says the girls were all crowded around Pansy looking at something. The reason they are kind of just throw out there in a sense later on is to go with Hermione's shock at seeing them. I didn't want the readers to know "what" was coming, just that something was :)
As for Hermione's fuming, I don't expect anyone to act outwardly calm or silent when they are extremely irritated hehe. That and I don't see Hermione as the kind of person to attack a root when she is angry, more throw it away from her cause she is irritated and doesn't want to deal with it...does that make sense lol
Also I am a bit confused on what exactly my Hermione issue was? o.o
Anyways, thanks for the review nana!
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned - scary Hermione! hehe
Author's Response: lol yes to bad I couldn't think of something to make her scarier to make the chapter longer xD
Very interesting. I wouldnt think that Pansy would buy a muggle pair of shoes. But i like how she is trying to get under Hermione's skin. I think you wrote Hermione very well in this chapter. You really captured the essence of Hermione. Very well done I love it!
Author's Response: I don't think she would either, except to annoy Hermione hehe
As for capturing Hermione's essence, your in a minority there hehe cause most people think she is out of character (which she is supposed to be), but its nice that in some ways she is in character :)
Glad you loved it!
Hi, it's chiQs09 from the forums. I finally made it to your story. ^_^
I quite like the concept of your story: the 7 deadly sins! How creative and nice... You had a few typos, though, and maybe add more descriptions to spice the chapter. I felt like Hermione was too giddy and slightly OOC, but I'm not sure. I wonder what happens next...
Author's Response: Hermione is not going to be in character so no reason to focus on that and I am glad you like the concept :)
Cuteness! I like it.
Author's Response: glad to hear it :)
admittadly a bit of a iller so not many comments here other than poor Hr...
Author's Response: *based on owl review since this one got cut off :p*
Yeah I wanted it to be longer, but I just couldn't think of anything.
And I know Ron is pretty smart when he wants to be, but I can't imagine him having paid much attention in muggle studies to the point that he would know how to handle himself alone in a nice restaurant above his families price ranger you know? hehe
As for his naive ignorance, glad I captured it hehe woot! :D
And we meet againâ€¦
1. I hope she won't buy the shoes pansy bought though, I mean why not throw it in her fac by buying even hotter onesâ€¦
2. I like how Ronâ€™s an opinion since he OBVIOUSLY has no life lol ;)
3. poor ghuy, didnâ€™t know he was going shoppingâ€¦ thatâ€™s such a sad situation to be put in, lots of bag carrying there
4. too true, l;ikign shoes does not make you mental at all, plus the boys like their girls in them anywayâ€¦
5. totally see the greed in this btw
Author's Response: 1. You'll just have to wait until the last chapter and see hehe
2. haha yes poor, bored Ron needs something to do :D
3. yeah I'm sure he's not to happy with Hermione hehe
4. I'm sure to Ron it would seem mental :p
And we meet againâ€¦
1. I am so happy I donâ€™t have friends like Ron and Harry right now, my best friends (guys too) totally get the importance of shoes and are there to help me wallow if something like that should ever happen to me lol
2. like how you brought up the fact that theyâ€™re muggle shoes and sheâ€™s a pureblood, I had just remembered that right before that sequence and was about to write a note about it when â€˜lo and behold there you have Hr coming to the realization!
3. never was much a ViktHr (hah if you say it it sounds like Viktor) but I have to admit that Iâ€™m kind of liking him here, actually even considering looking up more fics with them now that you have him here like thisâ€”youâ€™re turning me into a shipper for them ;)
4. although I do have to admit that I just can't see Hr taking the money
5. admittedly the way that you put the quote: â€œHer face grew warm at the thought of Viktor seeing her in something thatâ€¦provocative.
Hermione stood up and quickly packed away her belongingâ€™s, she had a lot to do before the weekend came upâ€â€”well it made it sound like he was buying herâ€¦ I mean I know that that wasnâ€™t the intention, but somehow itâ€™s just how it came off asâ€¦
6. on another note, please dont be offended but i just dont see the lust in it much...
Author's Response: 1. lol
2. the story read your mind and inserted the line I swear ;)
3. and thats a bad thing? hehe
4. She did try and give it back but Viktor wouldn't let her and after that he was expecting to see her in it.
5. I really don't see how it sounds like he is buying her...probably just an opinion thing lol She gets all red at the thought of looking good for him, as he has only seen her in school clothes, and then runs off to get everything ready so she can go shopping...now had I said Viktor wanted her to get it to see how hot she looked that would have seemed like buying her to me lol
6. Lust for the shows in not being able to stop thinking about them cause she wanted them oh so badly and lust for Viktor in the sense oh her red face and what she is imagining haha
thanks again for the review!
Hi, this is cosmo from the review forumâ€¦
1. first of all love the banner and title, very confessions of a shopoholic (never read the book oddly enough, but I always see it in the Barnes and Noble bestsellers so it stuck with me, and this just reminds me so much of it lol)â€”p.s. sorry for that little rant there, I have a pathetic tendency to ramble
2. so personally Iâ€™m one of the giggling girls in class (not about boys like them, mind youâ€”but Iâ€™m talking to friends the entire time just as well) anyway, I think that you portrayed that scene really well because somehow it doesnâ€™t matter If youâ€™re the type of person to be aggravated by that or not, you get really into it and Hrâ€™s depiction of it that youâ€™re slightly annoyed by them as well
3. lol the shoe sequence was magnificently done, I can't deny that that would be my reaction exactly (what girl doesnâ€™t have some semblance of a shoe fetish anyway?â€”at the very least tâ€™s with sneakers)
all in all great chapter, and the best part is that I didnâ€™t pick up on many grammatical errors, maybe one or two fragmented sentence and like one or two missing commas, but other than that it was perfect in that regard.
Author's Response: 1. hehe thanks and don't worry I ramble too :)
2. lol good to hear
3. I hate shoes lol...socks too unless their the slipper socks xD
hehe glad you liked the chapter :D
Oh, wow, I hope all these sins and plotting against Pansy will backfire at Hermione! Hilarious chapter (and story overall). I like Pansy and Hermione was OOC, but for the entertainment value, what the heck? ;)
Author's Response: Sort of do but not really lol glad you liked the chapter and the story :D
teehee. I love the sin-acronyms:P
and what will pansy do when hermione shows up with all the things on th page..:P
Author's Response: I love them too! I came across the SIN one while looking and quotes and I thought "that would make some great titles" hehe
as for what Pansy will do...you'll just have to wait and see!
yay! she's getting shoes! well, thanks to Viktor.great chapter! UPDATE!
Author's Response: hehe yay! and I will update soon!
good capter :) i am loving this and cant wait for the next one
Author's Response: yay! glad you like it so much :D
This is a wonderfully thought up story, very intriguing and interesting since you've managed to keep Hermione's characteristics and still play around 'girly' things. I'll definitely keep reading!
Author's Response: hehe I wasn't trying to keep Hermione totally...Hermione xD but I am glad that it turned out that way :) glad you like it enough to keep reading!