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Oh my goodness, this was hauntingly good!

It's so nice for a change to read about a Death Eater who's usually undercredited in fics. 

This was absolutely wonderful. Though morbid and gruesome, it was something I wanted to read more of. It definately provides justice to Dolohov's character. The spider--oh how badly I feel for it, and that's saying something, considering that I absolutely HATE spiders, or anything else that crawls.

This was amazing in so many different ways!

Author Response

I do so love this fic...and yet I never reviewed it? *smacks self* bad me! hehe anyway, you know how I feel about dear, dear Antonin so I don't need to gush.

Yes I do! That was awesome and your love for his character showed through very well! :D 

Love ya and, as always, love Antonin.

Author Response

Ooh, this was creepy and messed up, but I liked it...dunno what that says about me...

Splendidly written and hit the nail right on Dolohov's head. The spider is a really interesting literary device...Dolohov was probably always crazy but there must have been some sort of catalyst for his murderous ways...behold, the itsy bitsy spider!

Overall, just well done and disturbing in the best way. =D

Author Response

*grins* And I wrote it, I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me. 

I can't even remember the details behind why the spider was chosen, all I know was it involved a very late night with little sleep. And after that, all Dolohov's twistedness spawned from that itsy bitsy spider. 

Thanks for reviewing dearie, it really made my day :D

Wow Sami.  Just wow.  I don't think I can read anyone else's Dolohov stories now, thanks to you.  I have a clear picture in my head about him now, and other people couldn't write him like you do.  Please let me know when ever you write another Dolohov story, I'd love to read it.  I really loved this.

10/10

Author Response

This is something! I had never read a story like this. I think it is very original and imaginative. I loved the descriptions, I think they are very deep. Good job!

Author Response

*grins* I do like writing things that are original :D  

Thanks for reviewing :D

Wow, that is pretty F*&^ed up right there...  You paint a stunningly horribly picture of someone lost and alone and show how they morph into something evil.  *shudder*  Well, you write very well, even if I am now creeped the hell out...
By the way, I was reading this story while a song called "Departure" played where basically this guy is singing about how he controls his own life and then says "this is my departure."  I always got the sense that he was singing about suicide, even though the tone is a little more cheery, but it was bizarre to hear it going as I read the beginning of this story.  Otherwise there are no major issues, and it is well written.  Good work!

Author Response

*snickers* Yes, it's supposed to be evil and creepy and shudder worthy. *did her job right*

I'm really glad you liked it and took the time to review :D

Here I am, and sorry for the wait :]

First of all, this was an excellent story. It was well-thought out, and very original. It was rather morbid, but in a fascinating and mysterious way. You had me fooled though, I was expecting the character to be Voldemort, or perhaps Snape. Dolohov never even crossed my mind until I read the last paragraph. And your ending was really powerful, revealing the main character in a short informative statement. 

I really liked how you connected the summary, plot and the last chapter together by bringing up the spider. It sort of justifies Dolohovs horrible crimes because it is obvious to me that he wasn't quite right in the head! You didn't mention anything specific for me to critique on, so I'll just go over the basics.

I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes so you're good in terms of that. Your characterization was lovely, it really captured the mind frame of Dolohov. Flow of events were good, and went naturally from one to the other.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job [:

AugustEmbers

Author Response

*snickers* It's ironic that when I wrote this story, I never once realized that it could have been about Voldie or Snape. Actually, I didn't even think of them until Di pointed it out to me that she thought it was Snape until the end. I just knew that I was writing Andy, which is wierd because I usually don't settle on a character until I'm a good way through a descriptive piece like this.

I really enjoyed writing this, because I was taking something so...simple...and making it interesting. 

Thanks for leaving a loffly review :D

I think my mood was wrong for this story. I read your other reviews and people I respect as authors have said it was absolutely wonderful and beautifully written... so believe them. ^_^ That said, on with the review. 

I do see that you can write, actually really really well. There are some sentences that really affected me and made me think: wow. But I think it was the beginning that threw me off. I know people who are suicidal and they are never this... precise about it. The thought pattern is less clear. It's not so straight-forward and easy. I missed conflict. I missed confusion. But after that... after the beginning, I got more into the story, enjoyed it more. And the last part was very good, especially the <i>one straight, clean swoop...</i>

So yes, it's a good story, you're definitely a good writer, and this was an interesting idea. Keep up the good work and expand your writing world... enjoy. ^_^ Thank you for sharing your story.

Author Response

Oh, don't worry, I've definitly reached the point where I have dropped a fair bit of modesty and am drinking in every word of praise this story has recieved. *Guilty self centered look*

The suicidal part; I dunno. It was written more as a way of me establishing the story, and afterwards when I looked back at how I could edit it, I realized it fit just as it was. 

Incidentally, in my experience, suicide itself is not straight forward and easy, but the thoughts and processes of someone who is contemplating it, weighing the outcomes, debating whether or not he/she should make that leap, comes pretty coherently, with one thought leading to another until they make the choice to back down...

The last part was written about a day after the initial scene, and I was in a different mindset when I wrote it, so I think that helped with the transition from short, angry motions to the straight, clean calmness.

Thanks for reviewing!

Oh. My. Goodness. Sami.

You are everything good under the sun and more. This story is truthfully the best thing I've read on HPFF, ever. And no, I'm not just saying this to boost your ego xD I really mean it.

Every line in this drew me into it more and more. Seriously by the end I was enthralled. WHY'D YOU END IT SO SOON? :D I'm going to go and read more of your stuff soon, seriously if this story is so amazing, I can't wait to see what the rest looks like. 

Uhm, well...I'm ending this review now. Even though it's horribly short...(LIKE THE STORY!) Just kidding, but seriously, I'm hoping you have more about Antonin xD 

039348203984209384209384023984029384092384/10 :D

Author Response

Haha, well you definitly succeeded in boosting my ego regardless :P *contemplates finding a pin to stick in it and deflate it*

Why did I end it so soon? Well my dear, let me tell you that this site does not exactly favour the glorification of murder and any further development of Andy on my part would certainly drift very far into the realm of 'glorifying murder.' However, *smug grin* I can assure you their will be more from Andy coming in the very near future...mainly because I see the first few chapters of a short story sitting completed as a word document on my computer :P

*tries to count numbers in the rating* Err...gazillions...?

*huggle*

Good story. I like how you show his emotions and make us feel like we are actually experiencing what he is going through. I also liked how you did not reveal who it was until the very end. That kept a lot of the suspense in the story. Overall, good job.

Author Response

*Grins* Thanks for taking the time to leave a great review.

How chillingly beautiful and powerful this was! You sucked me right in and never let go, though it wasn't exactly a pleasant ride -it was like something kept clawing me down and making me want to read more although I really was repulsed and ready to turn away. 

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this. It's the best thing I've read on here in quite a while, in writing style and originality.

I like how you refrained from naming him until the very end. That fitted so well with the dark, eerie feeling that dripped from every word and every syllable in this story. Nameless persons are unidentifiable and thus we as readers are unable to tag him and feel comfortable in knowing how he's going to end up. For all we know, this could be Sirius! 

The most chilling thing was for me the transformation of his hatred. It was turned inward first, his terrifying rage, and then because of the spider, he's suddenly urged to turn it outward and make the world pay for the pain, the anger, all the terrible things he's been feeling for so long, with it finally coming to its height when he's killing that woman. Killing for him is power, a way to make people see. You pictured that splendidly.

This story definitely gave me things to think about and won't leave me for quite a while... You did a great job and this is going straight into my favourites!

Author Response

*blushes* Thank you so much for the awesome review. 

I actually prefer to never name my characters until it is the end of the story or necessary to the plot. Nameless characters, as you pointed out, simply add another element of intrigue to the story, and I personally love reading stories that don't name the characters. 

To be honest, were it not for the last scene, I think this story could easily be Sirius, which is likely because I see Sirius as a deeper, more complex character then the 'playboy' most marauders era fics seem to portray. 

When I wrote this, I was definitly focusing a lot on how things can escalate, and how quickly things will escalate, which was actually a lot of the basis for Andy's transformation. 

I'm so glad you liked the story :D

Hey GoCalgaryFlamesGo,

I would first like to appologize for how long it has taken me to review this story. I will not bore you with the crazy things of my life, but now I am here and ready to do as I promised.

I must admit that I have never read an HPFF that was as dark and demented as this one. You did a great job with displaying emotions that are hard to portray and describing details that made the story better than many others that I have read. 

I also liked how you did not mention the characters name until the end. It had me guessing the whole time and made this story amazing with that paragraph at the end. I felt that I was actually reading something written my J.K. Rowling, it was great!

Overall, you did an amazing job and had me hooked from the beginning (even though I was a bit creeped out at some parts :D ). It was a very different look at Hogwarts through the eyes of a maniac and I enjoyed it very much!

&hearts; OneoftheWeasleys

Author Response

Okay, I'm finally responding to this, as promised :D

*grins* I am so glad that you thought this story was amazing. Seriously, your review has me grinning like an idiot.

I actually really love writing dark stuff like this. It's complex in nature, but the fundementals of it are simple, and it's actually very easy to create a realistic portrayal of your character. 

I'm very fond of description, so I like to add details to every thing that I can. Thus, instead of saying 'he killed the spider' my story is 2500 words long :P

I enjoy writting without using a characters name. I think it makes it easier for the reader to get into the characters head when they are referred to as 'he' instead of 'Dolohov.' 

Thanks again for the review :D

Here I am as requested. :)

This One-Shot was beautifully described ( I'm kinda obsessed with description). Their was no dialog though. I think even if there's just one character that their should be some dialog. It makes it seem more real to me, while others might feel different.

This was a very excellent piece; I loved how I could picture it perfectly in my head. I think that's why I love description so much, but others have a different option. It was very dark which you warned me about in my thread. It leads up to be very suspenseful, making you readers wait until you unleash what you have behind closed doors.

I hoped I helped some, even though I didn't really type up any advice.10/10   

Browneyes

Author Response

Thanks for reviewing :D

I actually, am not a fan of dialogue, and since this was written for a challenge that involved the use of no dialogue what-so-ever, I definitly enjoyed being able to enter the characters heads and probe his emotions, without having to add the element of speech. Also, I often find that authors make very lazy use of dialogue, using it as an easy way to avoid in depth characterization. For me, there is less of a challenge in writing what a character says, but more of a challenge involved with getting into his head and figuring out why he would say what he said. *shrugs* Thats just how I feel on the matter.

I'm glad you thought the description was good, especially since this was definitly a description fuelled piece :P

And you definitly helped my ego in any case :D

Eh >.< So I figured I'd have a read of something before I went off to bed, and I'm thinking that I probably could have picked something that wouldn't give me so many nightmares, but oh well. *will never look at a spider again without shuddering*

In a disturbingly dark way, that was absolutely <i>amazing</i>. 

After reading this story you've made me realize how terribly squeamish I am, Sammers. The spider bit...there are no words for it. Forgive the analogy, but it's like a car wreck - no matter how much you want to, you simply can't tear your eyes away from it. And that's an incredible feat if you hold that kind of power over the reader. 

For some reason this line really stuck out to me: <i>Gone was the need to torture through physical pain â€“ it was not necessary; the mental fear was more than enough to cripple even the strongest of souls.</i> Chilling, Sami. You have a serious talent for getting under the skin of dark, complex characters. And I loffed the ending, especially that last sentence. Short and very powerful.

Great work hun. I'm glad I ended up reading this even if I will be dreaming of legless spiders all night. xD *huggleglomps*

Author Response

*takes a private moment to attempt to deflate Kes*

You my dear, are one of the masters of the art of inflating my dear sweet ego; and of praising my writing to the point where I actually want to keep at it. 

*Ponders* Getting into Andy's head for this story wasn't that hard, but then again, you know the circumstances it was written under. The WWN will never be the same... :P

I like the quote becuase I think it shows how he has changed, become more of a calm, patient master of his art, rather then an eager, emotion driven teenage boy who can't control himself. 

*huggles* Thanks for the review and hopefully your nightmares weren't that bad...

That was without doubt the most harrowing, horrifying thing I have ever read â€“ which I suppose is also a reflection on how well written it wasâ€¦ even though it took me three attempts to get through the first part (a crippling fear of spiders will do that to a person â€“ even if the aforementioned spider <i>is</i> being ripped to shreds.

In any case, it <i>was</i> very well written, very much in keeping with the aim of the challenge and I should congratulate you on your ability to get into the mind of Antonin â€“ though it does not surprise me.

I particularly liked the conclusion which was especially strong â€“ and it resonated powerfully I think â€“ well certainly it did for me.

In terms of writing technique, coherency and purpose this was of a standard to which I have become accustomed to seeing from youâ€¦ even if I was traumatised afterwards.

Great Work

Note:  Now in terms of the results of the challenge, I had intended to notify everyone today but unfortunately have just run into a little blip along the way one of the entrants. As such I cannot post the results just now (it will likely be a few more days in which case I shall PM you all) but I did feel it was time to post all of the reviews. The reason for the delay is that I wanted to post all reviews at the same time for fairness reallyâ€¦ that and a pinch of procrastination.

Author Response

Haha, should I put a warning on this that says 'not for those with arachnophobia?' Actually, writing a story about killing a spider is a very effective way of dealing with said terrifying fear of spiders...I think I'm speaking from exprience when I say that :P

Yes, sadly I am very proficient at the ability to enter the heads of twisted, deranged serial killer Death Eaters. Perhaps I should find out the number of that shrink D suggested...

The conclusion was written as an after thought; when I got to the end of the main story, I just felt that it needed another scene to really finish off the story in more of a powerful matter. 

Thanks for reviewing and I can't wait to see the results of the comp...

This was cruel, horror-ific, and absolutly wonderful sami dear. You have a disturbing mind that is excellent for writing. Through out the story I wondered who it was about, now I know. :p You write his character very well. And I do love your writing style. Its not 'clean cut' per say. xD Good job my dearie. I apploud you for writing such a beautiful and twisted dark tale.

Author Response

Oh my god Krys, you are the first to mention my disturbing mind. So it only took, what, 13ish reviewers before someone caught on. Or were you present for the writing of said fic, which would certainly explain your understanding of my mind. 

I certainly hope I write his character well, seeing as I write him so often :P 

I don't have the patience to write a smooth, flowing, transitional piece. I just prefer to entwine it with a raw, hard emotion that suits a choppier, less defined writing style. 

And I appluad you for reviewing *glomp*

Well, you already know how happy I am about this fic.  I'm so relieved that it ISN'T Snape that I don't even care about the spider.  Yes, I know I'm cruel, but that's just the way things work out.

I'm not sure if this is the effect you wanted, but I'm definitely grinning.  I think that you executed it really well, especially the entire 'torturing of the spider' part.  And the surprise ending was great.  Sure, I should've seen it coming, but you had me tricked.  

In conclusion, this fic is really fantastic.  I look forward to discussing it more with you and reading some of your other works.  Great job, Sami!

Di

Author Response

*smirks* I never cared about the spider, regardless of which character I was writing. It was just something that was a plot device.

I'm so glad you are grinning, since I definitly didn't write this so you would frown or anything like that. 

As for the ending, its a surprise? O.o Course, I guess I did know it all along, but still, now you've got me wondering how many other people thought this was Snape...

Thanks Di *glomps*

This was definitely a creepy read. The whole time I was wondering who this deranged person was.. I'm glad it was death eater, obviously, instead of some one else! You did a good job of conveying sadistic cruelty in someone in an unusual way... I never thought I'd feel sorry for a spider!

Author Response

See, this feels ironic to me. While I was writing this, I never once felt any emotion for the spider, but a ton for Andy, which might have been because before I wrote this I was scared to death of spiders, so it was easy to detach myself from the life of the spider and see it as an inaminate object. 

Incidentally, I'm no longer afraid of spiders because of this O.o

I'm glad you thought it was good and thanks for the review :D

AH!  I LOVED THIS.  (:  Call me deranged, but I found this piece of writing so powerful and moving.  Wow.  You have done what many writers strive to do and never achieve - you have made something ugly into something beautiful.  This one-shot is poetry, plain and simple.  

The fact that you never once used his name was a good style choice.  It made the man more frightening to me, not knowing his identity.  He was this dark, mysterious man who could very well be behind me as I'm reading this piece of writing.  Creepy.  (;

His thoughts while pondering suicide, and then torturing the spider, were very real to me.  They didn't seem fake at all, in fact, I felt as though I was one of the giggling girls outside who had no idea that there was a boy ready to fling himself out the window.  This one-shot really opened up my eyes to something I don't really see everyday. 

I'm definitely favoriting this.  It's not often I find writing of this caliber on HPFF.  But when I find it, it's refreshing.  Thank you for writing this.  10/10

Author Response

And thank you for reviewing :-)

I am so glad you loved this, and no, I don't think you are deranged for loving it. Course, that might have something to do with the fact that this is my favorite story and that I love it, in all it's evil darkness, to pieces. 

I'm a huge fan of an unpinned narrative style of story, mainly because I think it makes it easier to really get in tune with the characters, to understand them, and to write them in a way that feels realistic. 

His thoughts are so interesting in my opinion. I mean, I got to take him from the depressed, suicidal boy, to the adrenaline filled, cold blooded killer and writing that transition and making the connections was just so rewarding. 

And *blushes* I do believe that everyone else on this site has a far higher opinion of my writing then I myself have.

Was I ever wrong about what this story would be about, or what?! HAHA I thought it would be some cute new way of innovating an old nursery rhyme. *slaps stupid head* This was really dark and disturbing, I gotta hand it to you. I think this was brilliantly done and it was successful because you managed to give me chills when he was slowly ripping the legs off of that poor spider. You could have been describing the childhood of any insane serial killer; generally they test their "powers" on animals and bugs as children. Crepy! I especially liked the psychology in this - one minute he is depressed and wants to end his own life, another minute the depression is replaced by a rush as he takes another's life. Pretty interesting. The ending was also great, as you could see his evolution from testing on spiders to actually torturing a human being. 

The writing was great all the way through of course, but I thought you could have italicized some of Dolohov's thoughts at the beginning: "Yes, he thought despondently, that would be great. If only I could control the weather." Although leaving it the way it is wouldn't be bad.

I saw this and thought maybe you just left out a comma by mistake: "Of course, would they even realize it was spit? He doubted it â€“ people were annoying ignorant, or oblivious." (after annoying; or did you mean to write "annoyingly"?)

Anyway excellent job, I still have goosebumps. 10/10

Author Response

*Snickers* Yes the title is slightly misleading. 

I think I was defenitly in a deep, physcological and slightly murderous mood when I wrote this, because it defenitly was designed to broach the points that you brought up. And the fact that people keep pointing them out must be a good sign :D

You're right, I did miss 'ly' in that sentence, apparently thats what happens when you write and edit after midnight :P

*Grins again* Thanks for reviewing :D

Wow!  I certainly was not expecting that, but I liked it.  It was very emotional and so well written.  I just don't know the right words to say about this - it was intense, but wonderful.  I wasn't quite sure where you were going with it at first, but you had me hooked reading, even about a spider.  And it all connected and it was just so good.  I really don't know what to say other than that!  Great job and a definite 10/10!

Author Response

I'm glad you liked it :D 

To be honest, when I started writing this, I really didn't know how things were going to connect either. All I knew was that a spider needed to die. 

Thanks so much for the review :D

Wow. That is the first word i can think of.
You are truely and incredible writer with an extraordinary imagination.
I was going to say that i loved it, but i dont think thats the right word for this story. It was amazing to read maybe?
I am shocked for what to say, i know that you wanted a revew but i just am gobsmacked at this story.
It is dark and depressed but one of the best i have read all the same.
You are really a fantastic writer.
Thank you for asking me to review
Rons Gurl.

Author Response

Thanks you so much more for you review. My ego is defenitly having a field day right now. 

*Grins* I'm so glad that you found the story to be amazing to read. I had no problem writing this, but when it came to posting it, I was so nervous as to what the response to it would be. 

Thanks so much for the wonderful review :D

A delightfully disturbing, angsty and twisted fic about how a Death Eater stood out from an early age, and what led him onto the dark road. I adore it!! This is so a favorite add.

I'm deadly afraid of spiders, archnophobic, and I really do believe the world is better without spiders. Still, I believe in a sudden, short and painless death for those intolerable creatures. As an animal lover and a vegetarian I still remember how the boys in my class in elementary school used to peel the legs off flies and daddy long legs' and how I used to reprimand them for it. Although they just did it to be mean, they didn't think about how the creatures were feeling, and thy didn't take the same kind of delight in their actions like the boy in your story does.

Ack! It's just so wrong; and you chose the perfect way to show just how disturbed the boy was. It was brilliant!! The way you described his thoughts, his emotions, his actions... you really made my spine tingle and the hair in my neck rise up. And then, how you described the short scene set ten years later, showed just how people tend to crave bigger and better things as they grow weary with what was once enough. The way Antonin has moved on from physical pain and to mental agony, and from a little spider as his pray to a human being like himself... It was all just perfect for your twisted, little plot.

"He wanted darkness, sorrow and depression."-- There's nothing wrong with the sentence, although I think it would have sounded more powerful and intense if it was in a paragraph for itself, splitting the first paragraph into three. And I've found a couple other sentences as well which would have been outstanding one-liners; I'm one of the possibly few people who love seeing one-sentence paragraph. But I really to think it fits well, especially in angsty fics. I don't know if you'd agree, but that's at least one of my suggestions :) And this technique would have, again this is just my opinion, have been excellent in the paragraph where you describe how Antonin (because that is the boy, right?) would haunt the pale, timid girls who had seen him falling: that was one of the best and most intense paragraphs in the story, and it would have been ten times more intense if you did that! Because when you look at your story at a glance, you will notice that most of the paragraphs are the exact same length: variety draws interest :D

Oh, what the heck, I've spent forever explaining this and I don't know if you even get my drift. Here, let me take it apart for you as a demonstration of what I mean:

"Again, he looked out the window, this time calculating the drop. 

It would be enough to kill him, he realized, contemplating his course of action. The look on their faces would be suitably distraught, he decided, thinking of the pale, timid girls who wandered around in large groups - grinning and giggling - shooting each other covert looks that they foolishly thought were secretive. He could cause them to rethink their cosseted, light hearted, easy existence. He could shock them â€“ perhaps even haunt them. 

He could picture it now, the frightened expressions on their wild eyed, flushed faces, as they woke from yet another nightmare involving a slim body falling from the tower. 

Yes, that would certainly cause them emotional anguish â€“ just like the anguish which he, himself, had, and was, suffering from.

That could be the mark he left upon the world. "

Hopefully I made my suggestion clear :D

"You arenâ€™t that pretty, he thought cruelly, glancing at the spiderâ€™s chubby body, before silently informing it that the world would do better without your presence."-- I really like this sentence, although I think that you should change the "your" towards the ending to "its", or else> "...before silently informing it; the world would do better without your presence"

"The way he was going right now, he would certainly be a prime candidate for admittance to hell."-- I love that sentence! 

In fact, I love the whole story, as you probably could tell from the way the review began. I love your choice of words, your way of writing, and your brilliance in character development overshadow whatever other flaws your writing might have.

10/10

Author Response

Thanks so much for the amazingly long review. 

I'm so glad you loved the twisted little plot and the point it was trying to get across. Initially, this story did start off as simply as soemthign that I wanted to write about spider killing, but quickly, and god forbid my english teacher ever sees me admit to this, I realized that I could make a pretty big point with my writing, and then the last scene ended up writing itself. 

I totally get what you are saying about paragraph length, and I'm planning on looking into making some adjustments.

Thanks again for the review :D

I have never been so glued to a story (especially when it has anything to do with spiders *arachnophobia*).  This was, without a doubt, one of the best stories I have ever read on this website... and it ranks up there with one of the best short stories I've read.  The thought behind it and the emotions you conveyed in this was absolutely stunning.  

I'm nearly speechless here.  I was reading it, and I must have looked like this: O_O  I just couldn't stop!! And I kept moving closer and closer to the computer screen.  You really dragged me into this.  It's stunning, an absolute gem!  Consider writing original stories - you've got talent not a lot of people can claim.

Author Response

Wow, I logged on this morning, saw this review and was speechless. 

Thank you so much; this is my favorite story and its so great to recieve feedback on it and find out that other people loved it as well. 

*Grins* The thoughts and emotions were actually what brought this about...its an example of what happens when you want to kill a spider, but there are none to be found. 

As for writing original, its defenitly in the works. :D

Thanks again for the review, it defenitly made my day.

That was different, but I liked it :D

Author Response

Thanks :D

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