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Your quote is perfectly clear to me; I think it expresses the meaning behind the story beautifully, and it works with the situation. I loved the simplicity of your writing style; it was descriptive and, though it had no flowery prose and whatnot, still managed to pull at your heartstrings. The pain Snape must have felt was apparent, though I'm not sure if the Death Eaters would have been as lenient with him Disarming them as they were. Though, like you said, they all respected him and his status in the ranks.

The other Death Eaters were interesting, especially the two Averys.

'Avery knew his son wished to serve the Dark Lord, but now he was seeing it was himself that his son didn't want to follow.'

Especially loved that sentence.

It was really a job well done. 10/10. Feel free to throw any other stories my way, if you write them. = ]

Author's Response: Good, I am happy to hear that the quote made sense and worked well. I am also happy to hear that my writing style worked too hehe. I have always been a bit nervous about this story being unclear because a lot is going on and there's no dialogue in it so its good to know that it still portrayed everything clearly. Glad you liked it and thanks for the review!
It was a really deep insight into the minds of the Death Eaters, like I've never seen before. It was interesting to see male characters predominantly, as most of the characters on the archive tend to be female. I loved the way he showed his affection for her, and the way you managed to have her explode at him without using any dialogue, which was really clever, and also they way this showed her priorities. xx

Author's Response: OMG I have always been kind of nervous about this fic because I didn't really like it when I finished but didn't know how to improve it you know? But knowing you liked it makes me feel better xD

Anyways, thanks for the review, it really helped me like the piece a lot better :) *hugs*
2007-09-14 8:58pm
I absolutely love the way you began this story. It was the perfect mixture of action and storytelling. It gripped my attention, though as a personal preference, I don't much care for stories that start out with pronouns or 'the girl' and then reveal who it is later. I think it's beginning to get old around here, because I've seen it so much.

I really like the fact that you incorporated 'remembering' with the memory charm. I think it's really cool irony. I live for irony. Easter egg.

This story is a really good idea, but it's a lot of description and plot. I think I need more dialogue or... something. I dunno, it just seems a bit dry to me. But overall, I really enjoyed this. I think it's a great idea and I love where you went with it. I didn't spot many grammar or spelling errors, just a few missing commas and things of the like. I think your canon was spot-on, you have nothing to worry about in that respect. The quote fits the situation perfectly, as well. I caught on right away. =)

Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^


Author's Response: I know what you mean about 'the girl' but I wanted people to get into the whole Death Eater side first, you know where the girl is just an object to play with...who cares about her name :p that kinda mindset.

And I hadn't actually intended to link the two but my plot bunny thought it was a good idea hehe so yay I got an easter egg...and yes I know the term ;)

As for dialogue, I am kinda torn on that. I know it could be helpful but I kinda like just leaving it as it is because sometimes dialogue can drown out the emotions or moot them and I really wanted them to be the main point of this story.

Anyway, thank you thank you thank you for the lovely and thorough review! I am so glad everything is good (and coming from you as pad's beta I trust you very much ;))
Very very nice. I liked it. And I loved how there was no dialogue, just descriptions. This was wonderful and I loved how you portrayed all the Death Eaters. Great job! =)

Author's Response: aww pad's is so sweet :) glad you liked the story and the no words part...I felt things were better explained without dialogue. Talking doesn't do much for emotions really :)
i liked it. Its not something Im used to reading (since I normally dont read Severus/Lily much) but it was enjoyable. Your characterizations were great, and I really think you stayed in cannon ok. Im not sure about that last part thouh, having him erase her memory about the night.not sure that is something he would do. Or maybe so. Depends really, after DH there is still quite a lot nobody can be sure about over Severus Snape.

But..yea, I liked it.



Author's Response: know you liked it makes me feel good :) and I'm glad everything was in order.

As for the ending I had thought about it and I picture Severus in a struggle over Lily and his future. I do not picture him as an "omg I'll do anything for Lily!!!! love!!!" kind of person like many people do now after DH because even when he was friends with her he was going down the path of a Death Eater. So I see the ending as him following his path and still trying to keep her happy with him...besides I highly doubt he would let her remember he did something like that to her hehe

thanks pad! :)
wow amazing! excellent job! very great details! :]


Author's Response: hehe glad you liked it and good thing the details were good, thats what I was aiming for :)
wow, that was intense. Poor Snape. He's not mean, just misunderstood. That just proves it.

Author's Response: hehe its supposed to be intense, glad it turned out that way :) also glad you feel that way :)


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