This is really, really good. Is it meant to be like Fred and George Weasly with Fredrick and Gregory, or am I jumping to conclusions, again.
Also, I don't get her living with dear old dad for 100 years. The way you write her, she doesn't sound old, and while that may be the whole Vampire thing coming out in her, wouldn't her mum and sisters be in care by now? How could she stay with them after she has been away 100 years? Or do they have traces of Vampire coming out in them, like say, aging slowly?
I like your constant cliches and references to other well known stories, it makes it an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Fredrick and Gregory are father and son, and they don't really get along, whereas as Fred and George weasley are brothers and a total tag-team.
Her family, that is to say, her mother and sisters, suck the life out of human children using a special potion to preserve their youth. This keeps them living for such a long time. They only kill off 1 kid every 10 years or so though, so it's not like their totally evil.
She's not old at all, even though she has been living for such a long time. As the story goes on and she gets older, she does mature.
Melanie sounds pretty...
If you want reviews, sign up at the forums (if you haven't yet) and go to the Reviews Offered/Wanted section. The easiest way to get there is click on any topic, then go to the bottom of the page to a scroll in the right corner that lists all the sections. If you need any help I'm Luna_Lovegood_kat on there. You first need to post five times then wait a while before you can do much. I suggest going to the Movies or one of the sections that talk about the books for that.
Author's Response: thank u 4 ur advice... i'll let u in on a secret Luna_Lovegood, my actual name is Melanie... i'm glad u like it :)
i love ur story its so good so far, its uses really good, but also simple language that makes it very intriguing. I love the whole wicked witch thing and dracular (very cool) keep writing and i will keep reading! cant wait for the next chapter! ps. its ali from skool (just incase u didn't guess from my pen name!)