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I liked the bit with the manticore baby. What a shame that you have not detailed that a bit more... but I regret the total lack of canon in this fic. No parent, including deatheater sympathisants would subject their own kids in such a casual manner to the Cruciatus Curse. Let's not forget that this can get you a lifetime in Azkaban, all it takes is for your kid to tell ONE schoolmate.
Draco may be a coward, but he is a smart coward, and he is a leader. In this fic he sounds not smart at all...he looks like a snivelling kid that is happy to follow a girl around and that's just not Canon. No Deatheater family or child would ever say Voldemort's name. Even the 'nice' guys in JKR's books have problems doing that, but deatheaters and people, who like Voldemort and invite him in their house? They would be obsequious and terrified, not so... matter of fact as if he was just Mr Smith from next door :)
And so on... I think this little story needs a hard editing and it would profit from more detail in the descriptive work as well... the woods, clothes, house, what the manticore looks like and so on. Just a thought :)

Galia is an interesting character in her self-centeredness, and you keep her true to herself up to the end. She likes nobody but herself lol that much is clear...this said, I still don't even know what she looks like...only that she's sixteen ;)

Keep writing, it will all get better, once you start paying attention to important details like those... :)

Author's Response: You raise alot of good points, thanks. I wrote this a few years ago, before I had really gotten into the PotterVerse. It was just something that came to me - I agree that the details are sketchy & scarce, I really should go over it.
She wasn't supposed to come across self-centred - just self-sufficient o.O', but if it works, then I'll keep it in.
Thanks again! =)
2006-11-07 9:02pm
Hooray 4 Karma! Harry isn't loved *cackles smeevilly* I really loved that in the summary! I liked your story, baby, even if no one else seems to. You gave me life! ... And yes, I stole your word "smeevil/smeevilly" *cackles smeevilly once again*
10/10 rating for your first completed fanfic.

Author's Response: Hooray!! Jack, you REVIEWED!! *sobs happily* I lorf you, man!! And why should Harry be loved? He's a prat. Long live smeevilness!! And thanx for the high rating, I'm glad someone cares. *joins in with the smeevil cackling*
WAH!! Why does no one comment on my story. No one luffs me, that's all I can say. But I luff me!!
BCG --> ~^____^~

Author's Response: Where's the rest of my wondiferous review? *sob*


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