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OMG OMG what? what?  I’m speechless and i’m nearing the end ..your story is EPIC but it’s tearing my heart apart

Author Response

I’ll never say it enough your writing is extraordinary. You’re the only reason I even log in on this website! This chapter was just heartbreaking - wonderfully so. You have a habit of making me cry a lot! 

I love so many of the choices you made-they are hard choices but so in concordance with Nellie’s character and the continuity of the story. Nothing is quite easy in her life so I don’t expect this to be as well. 

You've captured everything SO perfectly, from Katria’s story, to Nellie’s forgiveness, to her freaking out when she’s with James, her pain, the quidditch match, seeing James.It was a lot to take in and I love love the way this was written. Seriously how good are you at writing Quidditch scenes?! They’re on point!

Where was all this songwriting talent hidden? You treacherously shot a bullet to my heart during this scene(I kinda hate you right now) but this song has so so much potential this better be their wedding song!!! I’m imagining their wedding already because I need it to cope with this chapter and this is the only thing I got left to keep me sane!!! 

xx,Izobel.

Author Response

Ah you are so kind, thank you so much!! They certainly are difficult choices but so so necessary and as you said in concordance with who Nellie is. The ending of the story certainly will not be easy but as I said it will be necessary! Thank you so much for your kind words and the new chapter is out now!!!
Ella

I don’t usually read next gen stories but I’m a fan of your work.This story has been my fuel and fire for the better part of this week at work. I love your meticulous attention to detail, to scene setting, to tense and gripping plots, and most of all, the way you’ve treated these characters I so love. I feel like the world expands when I read your writing. the struggles of Nellie as she navigates her life feel so real. the dialogue made me laugh out loud and shed tears. You’ve a keen sensitivity for psychology and human nature—the conflicts within the characters are believable and fully fleshed out. I appreciated how you don’t always try to fully resolve the inner demons but let them sit, acknowledging they’re an ineliminable part of the characters and their lives. In all, your story is heartbreaking and heartwarming and a rare find! I really really can’t wait to see what will happen in the last three chapters. I relish your writing. Please give us more as soon as you can!

Author Response

Wow thank you so much your words seriously mean so much to me. Everyone has things that they struggle with and I'm so glad that you're recognising that sometimes things and patterns of personality aren't just fixed - that's what makes them patterns in the first place. Thank you again for this review and I hope you enjoy the next chapter (which is now out!)

Man, what a ride this chapter was! My heart was in my throat from the minute it started. It had such a sombre feeling.
That scene with Scorpius really got to me! I thought James and Nellie would soften the blow but by the time they finished talking I was a crying mess. After the last one, this chapter certainly was a slap in the face. Let alone the breakup, the whole atmosphere around Nels feels so tragic. Nobody would be okay in her situation. Poor Nellie, poor James, poor Scorpius, poor Adam, poor everyone.
You have the kind of talent that can both soothe an aching heart and break a perfectly good one.Your realistic and poetic writing has a uniquely raw beauty which leaves me speechless and emotional at times. I could never hate you for making me feel so much and for writing a story so realistically and beautifully. whatever happens over the last chapters, good AND bad, I know i’ll be magical and breathtaking. I’m just begging you not to make the ending TOO tragic, not necessarily because of us readers, but because I’ve grown so attached to these characters I couldn’t bear to see them hurt too much. Whatever form that takes, I pray Nellie gets happiness and closure. Astoria’s letter never felt more poignant and important than right now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that brilliant chapter! You don’t know how much this story means to me Xx

Author Response

Wow thank you so so much! It does feel very tragic around Nellie, doesn't it? Poor everyone is right! Thank you so much for your kind words, and I think while the ending of this story will be types of tragic you will understand why it was written that way! Astoria's letter is SO important as a theme through all of this and I wish Nellie would take her words to heart more! Thank you again for your review and chapter 30 is now out!!

As usual I love your story, I kept checking to see if you had updated. Thank you so so so much! I love how you consistently grasp each character’s personality! I’m so so impressed and excited to read more and more each chapter! Rn first and foremost Nellie’s physical and mental health is def a priority! I can tell the last chapters won’t be a piece of cake. but they HAVE TO get back together! Love this and want to let you know again and again you’re an amazing writer!

Ps: Just so you know it took me multiple readings and a yoga course to be this calm and somewhat collected in my review. By the time this story ends I’m gonna be a mess and in therapy

Author Response

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story thank you so so much! Nellie definitely has to put herself first but usually she doesn't really understand what that means. The last 2 chapters (chapter 30 is up now!!) will be difficult for sure, but I think once they're done everyone will understand why I had to end it that way. Thank you so much for reviewing and I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

FREAKING STELLAR STORY! (sad those reviews have to stay PG)
That was so... heart-wrenching. I can't even... wow. 
I’m in this state where I resent you for making me love your characters and this story so much!!! You have such a marvelous way of making me feel what they do. 
I totally experienced Nellie’s fear and anxiety and how caring is James ?! 
I don’t even know what to say in this review, I’m terrible at theorizing!
I’m just terrified to know whats gonna happen!
THANK YOU!
Can't wait for more!

Author Response

FREAKING AMAZING REVIEW! Thank you so much for your kind words it encourages me so much! I'm sort of glad you resent me for the storyline because that means you're feeling it! James is still so unbelievably caring even when he's still putting up his indifferent and stony facade, and it's one of the reasons why I love him! Thank you so much for reviewing and the new chapter is now out!!

Yeah it's me again. Re-reading my previous review, I realized that despite it being veerrry long, I rumbled a lot and forgot half of the chapter. 

While re-reading, i noticed that her mother changed her hair color a lot, is there a reason for that? Was she hiding from something? Or is it just me going insane and reading too much into things? Also, it almost seemed like there were secrets or answers inside the Burke manor itself, there's definitely a specific wing of it, they don't enter, maybe it used to be her mother's and that's why but maybe it's more? 

You once said that Nellie doesn't know the difference between love and hate, and that it'll become a problem later on, I'm guessing it's in this chapter, because her relationship with pain is not that healthy, she knows she loves James, and she's "okay" suffering like love is supposed to hurt. It hurts to see her like this, I believe she's a very strong, intelligent and brave person despite her slight vulnerabilities and she's very persevering for good things like Quidditch but it also shows in her stubbornness and her own denial. In chapter 23, she's convinced James and her should remain friends, and it's quite similar in this one, she had this domineering feeling when she made her decision or when she experiences panic attacks. Is something up with that? She’s very much convinced that she had to do it, is she this good at lying to herself or are her emotions heightened by this curse?

Despite everything, I was elated to see Ravenclaw win the cup, they're the better team and Nellie is an extraordinary quidditch player, so she deserves to win and be captain ! Willow is a babe and watching Nellie's friends be there for her was the sweetest thing. 

Thank you again for this story! Sorry for this second review all over the place, I tried not to be too long but failed, I think way too much and ask way too many questions, someone STOP me, your story is exquisite and so well written, again you're absolutely amazing.

Author Response

Hello again haha!! Her mother only changed it a couple of times but it really has no significance, just that many wealthy mothers tend to dye their hair! The secrets within the Burke manor don't have to really do with Nellie and her mother - more just her father's workspaces and old Death Eater meeting rooms that no one wants to go in! 

Nellie absolutely does not know the difference between love and hate, or rather she gets them mixed up and then believes it to be fine (Exhibit A is the way she thought about her mother for so many years). But she is such a strong and intelligent person, and is honestly so brave that I believe she really does have some Gryffindor in her. 

With her panicking, it's more about her freaking out because of the topic at hand and choosing because of that, not that the panic attacks are making her do anything (they're not curse related). She is excellent at lying to herself and the panic attacks truly represent how frightened she is by intimacy or closeness or even with confronting her past. I just love your reviews so never EVER apologise for them because they're truly amazing and YOU are amazing so THANK YOU!!

I love this story you've woven - it's so rich and exciting and there's so many things I love about it that it's hard to pick just one. From chapter one you’ve balanced the normality of a teenage girl in Hogwarts, all this intriguing past and family secrets which I want to point out because you’ve managed to mix all of this without one overbearing the other or becoming too much one thing. I was NOT expecting that AT ALL, but you did it brilliantly,I could never hate you for it. I have one tiny thing that bothers me and it’s how easily Nellie gives up on James, I don’t want to call her a coward because I view it as a very Ravenclaw, extremely rational way to think and obviously this a very serious, life and death predicament she’s in. Speaking of that the sorting hat immediately decided on Ravenclaw? It’s absolutely not a criticism, I don’t mean it in any bad way, IT MAKES SENSE, it’s not OOC and I love her flaws and all!! My sensitive romantic heart just broke a little during this beautifully crafted chapter. Needless to say I can’t wait to read more!

Author Response

Wow thank you so much!! I'm so glad you like the balance of normal Hogwarts teenage life with the family secrets and Nellie's past! Nellie DOES give up on James so so easily which her friends point out in the newest chapter (Chapter 30 up now!!) but it is absolutely 1000% a Ravenclaw thing. She is so painfully logical that she views a sacrifice of her own happiness and life as worthwhile like it's a maths equation - and she's going against the advice Astoria had given much earlier in the story. The Sorting Hat definitely decided on Ravenclaw quickly - how could it not - but also considered Gryffindor for reasons you have seen and will see later :) I'm so glad you're enjoying it and thank you so so much for your review!

First, thank you so so much for this update ! I've been dying to read it. I'm embarrassed to mention it again but I reread the story once again (just to make sure I wasn't missing anything one more time and just because studying for finals is disgusting), and now I have way too many notes on my phone -if you ever feel like you're not special or that this story is not the best thing ever, just know that I have a part in my notes reserved for this story that range from "Get your facts straight Flynn" from chapter 26 to " Scorpius poor poor thing" from this chapter, some are thankfully more elaborate though.

I hate myself for forgetting something obvious from chapter 28, that James and Nellie were bitten by the love bug, I even had a song in my mind that for me that kind of describes how Nellie is with James which is Love you like that by Dagny, until my dreams were shattered and my heart was broken into a million pieces..And you know what, I seriously love you for it because truth is I've been expecting this breakup since before they even got together but I thought it would be because of their age difference and that maybe they would break up - not permanently- for Nellie's seventh year which is why I think I said I wasn't sure about their future in one review. And then chapter 27 happened in which you revealed the complexity of the curse and that Nellie had to die in order to change something. That was when I thought, there is NO WAY and i mean no way Nellie won't have a backtracking moment and think James is better of without her and you know maybe this isn't real, he'll move on etc. I wasn't completely sure so I didn't say it and honestly, chapter 28 made me doubt this theory a bit but the preview of chapter 29 prepared me for it - I mean fear, cynicism and sacrifice- I thought "this is happening" and tried to prepare myself but still I wasn't quite ready..

I'd like to think I'm not a crier especially not while reading stories or books, at most my eyes would water but reading this story and this chapter made me emotional. In retrospect listening to Reasons not to die by Ryn Weaver and Lung by Vancouver Sleep Clinic didn't help but they fit in so well and you write flawlessly, the quote about the dagger nearly killed me, it's both tragic and beautiful. I always try to think, as a way to kind of understand, what would I do if I was in Nellie's situation (yes very healthy) and I would have a similar reasoning. I think that one thing that's one step beyond the sacrifice that this curse requires and that is pure cruelty is first living in a permanent state of anxiety and stress about the future and also just the constant doubt of your own self and your own values and morality, I think what happens to Katria's father (interesting that she also sees close ones of her close ones ) would make anyone in Nellie's situation wonder " Am I a terrible person if I'm letting this happen ? Why do I get to choose that Scorpius' life or Mia's are more important than someone else's just because they are close to ME", just a thought that I've been thinking about a lot. Obviously the fact that Nellie even entertains the idea giving up her life for the ones she loves shows the depth of her character and love for family and friends. There's actually a great short text on fanfiction by Lady Altair called A Gift Freely Given about Harry's mother sacrifice that greatly applies to Nellie or Veronica whomever she sacrificed herself for. God, this part of the review is depressing, sorry ! 

I understand that Nellie thinks she had to breakup with James but I think she'll understand later on that it was up to James to decide this. She shouldn't have decided for him, had he known about everything, he'd understand and be able to decide if he wants to stay with her no matter what it entails or not but again I understand her, her family didn't exactly help her become more open with her feelings and for the short period she was with her, she has been greatly influenced by her mother as any child would and what she said to her and did stuck. I know one thing is that Nellie resented her mother a lot, suffered a lot and lacked explanation and understanding about her mother's suicide for 6 years. I hope she never does anything like that - and I don't think you're cruel enough to do so- but I just wish she never leaves her loved ones in that same state and if it ever came to that, I think she would and should explain things a bit more to spare them the same conflicting feelings . 

I've been thinking a lot about breaking the curse and the loopholes it might have but I've got NOTHING, exams fried my brain and left me dumb as hell ! You wrote in this chapter that scientifically it can't lie to her and while I don't fully understand it, I felt like it was important. How come she gets to know whom she sees and what they mean to her without knowing them like Katria's father and yet doesn't know who Celeste Savant is ? I guess to find a loophole you'd have to study : the mechanism of it, its source or its nature like is it a blood curse ? if the caster of the curse dies, does it matter ? if someone who knows about a vision tries to kill himself to prevent it instead of the one with the curse, would it even change the future ?

This might be the longest review ever, I'm close to hitting the maximum of characters possible, I'm sorry for writing this much !! I love your story so so much, thank you again, it's the best one I've ever seen, I'm not usually this involved and obsessed with a story so that speaks a lot to your talent, tell me when you publish your own book, because with this talent, you need to have a career in writing.Thank you again truly xx.

Author Response

You know I absolutely LOVE YOUR REVIEWS so I'll just dive right into it!

1. I love your song choices it makes me so happy to put songs and their meanings to the story! I've been doing that too but I haven't made a true playlist for it maybe I should!
2. So glad you predicted Nellie ending it with James because how could she nOT when she has this curse hanging over her!!
3. You're absolutely right - a cruel part of this curse is the way it is always on your mind, and Nellie will absolutely not be immune to the stress of it in any sense. Nellie also can't stand to see and feel responsible for anyone hurt in her visions - you pointed it out, that she even considered sacrificing herself for the mean girl's FATHER who might not even die! 
4. Nellie absolutely shouldn't have decided this. As you'll see in chapter 30 (WHICH IS OUT NOW) Nellie's friends aren't going to let her just think that she made the right choice, either. But Nellie has been influenced by her environment and her mother (whose previous distance she now sees as a selfless sacrifice in order to protect her children from harm) and now Nellie is repeating her patterns and only sees sacrifice as an answer. That will come into play in the last chapter...
5. Nellie knows intrinsically who she has seen her her visions but she has never seen Celeste in a vision...however Nellie DOES know who she is and just has not realised it yet!
6. Ah, the loophole...the mechanism is more important than its source, but it is a blood curse (passed down through generations) bound by nature which means it's nearly impossible to break. Hm...
7. The caster of the curse does NOT matter (you'll find more about that in chapter 31) and if someone else other than the one afflicted with the curse tries to sacrifice themselves it will NOT work. 

Thank you again and again and again for your fantastic reviews I seriously look forward to them every time! xx Ella

Wow. And I mean, wow. This is the best fan fiction I've ever read, no kidding. Seriously. I always come back and reread parts of chapters that I love like an addict.I love your writing and this chapter is devastating. I am looking forward to everything you write (amazing characterization, detailed context, complex identifiable dilemma,curses,…). I’m trying to figure out a good thing about this curse and I just can’t, it’s certainly not a blessing but I always hoped that there had to be a way to beat it. The mystery woman so Celeste (what a beautiful name btw and yeah i’m spying on other readers i have no shame we gotta help each other out to figure out this outstanding plot) is she a friend or foe? I’ve been dying to know, her appearances don’t give anything away.So many mixed emotions...A masterpiece really! I always enjoy reading your work, cannot wait for more but no pressure xx.

Author Response

Wow - thank you so so so much! There may not be a good thing about this curse but remember, there are always loopholes! Hm...the mystery woman (Okay, yeah. Celeste.) and her nature will be revealed very very very soon, although with this chapter that has just been posted (chapter 30!!!) you may get an important clue on that. Thank you so much again and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

Your updates always brighten my day, but this morning... not so bright, but so, so good.

Tears. TEARS. WHY did you have to do this. I can’t even hate you for it, you write way too well. Nels can’t live like this, my baby she deserves so much more, can they even break this curse? HOW? Can someone help her? Doesn’t her dad work in the department of mysteries where they study magic? Surely he must have a clue what to do. She can’t do this on her own she’s going to explode. That’s why the purebloods and her grandmother rub me the wrong way like can’t you see she’s got enough on her plate?!!! sorry i’m way too triggered but i love Nellie and I hate to see her hurting!

Still, a few things I loved :

James my baby, he’s so nice through it all; congratulating her; checking if she’s okay, he deserves to know!

Nellie and Beck, they are so fierce and badass on the field, the match got me so pumped up and I wanted Ravenclaw to win so badly - mainly because that Finnegan troll doesn’t deserve any victory or cup.

Great chapter. Obviously it affected me. Still I’m confident Jellie will rise again, i’m just gonna wait patiently..Can’t wait for the next.

Author Response

I am SO SORRY for doing this but it is rather necessary for the story!! I'm so glad you're still liking James and Nellie and Beck and everyone!! The next chapter is out NOW so you can see whether or not Jellie is back! Thank you for your review!!

Okay, strap yourself in for a very long (and very positive) review. I'll try to organize my thoughts, but this will probably be all over the place.

I'll start by saying that I was hooked by the first chapter, no...the first paragraph. This never happens for me. I mean never. Even my favorite stories I usually skimmed the first chapter to get to the "point". I tend to do a lot of skimming, but I can happily say that I read every single word of this entire story. I'm not sure what it was that just pulled me in from the start, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with your amazing writing style. I want to compare it to great famous authors, but I hesitate to do so simply because I want you to understand that your voice is unique which gives this story so much charm and validity and something else, something that is uniquely you. And that's wonderful. 

You have a way of packing so much meaning into very few words. You never write too much or too little. It's just the perfect amount and just the right words to evoke just the right images and emotions. I can't stress this enough. You just have a way with words that makes me see and feel everything the characters are seeing and feeling. 

I cried more than once while reading your story, literal tears streaming down my face. Because I know these characters, I've known them for 28 chapters and you made me fall in love with them all that it nearly breaks my heart to see some of them go through this pain.I felt it viscerally in my stomach and heart. And going along with that, you made me care so much about every single character, something that I never felt possible, like Katria I’m sorry sweetheart for every bad thing I ever thought about you.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, you made me FEEL so much. And it wasn’t just during the sad moments, but other simple moments as well like the beautiful display of comradery and friendship that warms the very soul each chapter. I love that. I love it so much.

I also love how you portrayed James. Reading through your story has given me a renewed sense of appreciation for him. He has absolutely grown so much and has simply shown the depth of his feelings and his character.God I just feel so much more respect for him and so much sadness.

I realize I haven’t said much about Nellie, but it goes without saying that your portrayal was perfect. You’ve made me truly appreciate her and the struggles she must have gone through during her life. And she’s not perfect! Thank you thank you thank for that. She’s not a perfect person and she doesn’t get away with shouting at people, she’s not always correct in her assumptions, and she’s not completely independent. She draws strength from within herself and from denial, but she still needs her friends. She still needs her brother and Scorpius. She still needs James. And I hope she realizes that. And that makes her human. And I love it and I love her. And I love all these wonderful characters you created and that you fleshed out. I have so much affection for them now and I really feel like going back and re-reading the entire story . 

I could probably go on forever, but that’ll just be me fangirling (which is pretty much what this review has consisted of). And you should know that I rarely leave reviews. I know that’s wrong of me and I’ve been trying to change, but I still rarely do it. And I have never, NEVER, left a review this long before. So please believe me when I say that this is the best story I’ve ever read. So, thank you. Honestly, thank you so much for writing this. I hope you never stop writing.

Author Response

Wow!! It absolutely makes my day that you've been hooked on this story! I can't tell you how much it means for you to say all of this, especially that you don't want to compare me to famous author's because of my unique voice - wow wow wow. I am so glad you feel the words I have written, both the heart wrenching and the "comradery and friendship that warms the very soul each chapter" because that's exactly what I try to do. Nellie is such an interesting characters with so many layers and depths and it makes me so happy that you can see this completely! She absolutely is human, and just because the story is from her point of view does not mean she is infallible in any sense. I like to say that this story is about a lot of things, but above all it is about friendship and connections, and with that Nellie needs her family and friends more than anything. Thank you thank you thank you for this amazing review, and the newest chapter is actually already out now (and will definitely be less sad than the one previous)!!

This wasn't an easy chapter to read, and it's hard to form a coherent thought right now so I'm just going to go into things in order : 

- Katria! Love the backstory you've given her, no one's pure evil and everything makes sense.

-JAMES and NELLIE! Love is such an important theme in this story. Some characters find hope and strength through love and I like that you're exploring the hardest parts of it : sacrifice. Nellie's right, the only love stories she has known are ones where one sacrificed themselves and through that she went not once but twice through terrible loss. And she knows she might do it herself, no one can blame her for not wanting James to lose his girlfriend at some point but he did anyway, what's done is done. From my point of view, this breakup can only make Nellie grow and fully understand her situation. Safe to say I will be devastated and beyond heartbroken if James and Nellie don't get a happy ending together.

- Quidditch and friendship! Love the Ravenclaw team, how loyal and caring her friends are, all the characters are amazing. She absolutely deserves to be captain and should be, she can't let the curse poison her life and everything she's passionate about and loves, easy for me to say .

- This story is phenomenal, done with the grace of a professional author. Its one of the most wonderful stories I've ever read on this website it will suffocate you with feels till you can't breathe. 

I cannot believe the end is almost here. I'm so scared about how this is going to end. Things are so close to coming full circle. I’m sure it will be one hell of an epic conclusion nonetheless. 

-Noah

Author Response

Wow, thank you so much for this review!! I'm so glad you appreciate Katria, and you are absolutely right, love is a HUGE theme in this story - not just for James and Nellie or for romance, but about the human bonds between friends and family. Sacrifice is absolutely the hardest and most difficult part of love, and that also begs the question - when is sacrifice necessary and when is it sabotage? Nellie truly only knows sacrifice and that view of love now 100% defines her - I'm so glad you've caught all of that. Thank you so so much for your kind words I love love love this review, and the new chapter is out now!! (and yes, it WILL be one epic conclusion...one that no one has even come close to guessing yet)

Thank you for the update I was desperate for. This was a long chapter filled with so so much,  I finished it with a huge lump in my throat! You're the only author I've known that can grab my heart with every word and just rip it out sentences later in some chapters.

Please please don't think it was because it was bad or anything or that it's a bad thing, quite the contrary, your writing is superb and it's so (too) convincing that now I want to curl over in my bed crying about both a curse and a breakup with a boyfriend i do not have. My emotions are all jumbled, nothing in this story is simple or easy to take in nor the characters, nor the plot, and i LOVE that about it, seriously never change, what a great mind you have. I might just try and leave a more intelligent review later,just give me a second to take this all in.

I swear i'm fine,  i'm just gonna go now, silently cry for a bit, thanks

Author Response

I'm so glad you feel the words that I write! I'm also very very sorry for making you sad - please don't cry!!! Thank you so much for leaving such a kind review though it means so much to me - and the chapter 30 is OUT!

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