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Chapter: Purple Pixies | Story: Facing Tomorrow

Hi!!!

First of all, as you can tell I was totally selfish and stole you for my review partner for the exchange this month. But this review for the my thread and not the exchange, so yeah. Hi! haha!

Your lesson with the first years was really creative. I love when people work with magic and don’t just ignore such an important part of the HP world. You threaded through enough stuff we know, like the sort of things they learn as first years, but still make it your own and that’s just awesome. Seeing Emily a bit happier than usual was really nice, and I really liked the look into her past as a first year. 

She seemed to really enjoy sort of getting to show off, even simple magic, and the sort of pleasure it brought the first years.  All in all this was just a very cute way to start out the chapter.

I loved that you had McGonagall going in there to sort of check on Emily. It seemed like she knew that Emily was having a hard time adjusting and wanted to remind her how much they appreciated having her there, and sort of just remind her that she was doing well.

With your questions regarding her, I think you did great with Minerva! She was friendly but not too friendly, seemed to get to her point quickly, said what she wanted to say and that was it. She obviously cares about Emily but you didn’t make it seem overbearing or anything like that.

I was happy to see Michelle come back in, and no, I don’t think it was too short at all! I mean, how much can you really write about a getting drunk in a pub night? First of all, with the drinks you gave her, Emily was and should be feeling fuzzy. So letting the night sort of blend together and go by quickly felt that mood. It would have been nice to maybe have just a bit of reluctance on Emily’s part about going in the first place though. Just because she seems almost depressed lately, and that usually makes it even harder to go out. Maybe when she gets the note she can want to say no but realize that she’d have fun, and just not be quite so quick to jump on the offer but of course end up going. 

I think Michelle will be a good reminder throughout of the person Emily used to be, and I’m excited to learn more about their friendship!

Your dialogue (grammatically) has some errors.  I’ll point those out incase you want to go back and edit or anything :). but apart from that, it sounds great!

Transfiguration,” She says, 
-- lowercase S

“She’s scary,” The girl next to me whispers.
--lowercase T

“Oh Headmistress!  You startled me,” My heart is racing from the sudden shock.
--period instead of comma

taught an exemplary lesson this morning,” She says
--lowercase S

yourself a lot this year,” She continues,
--lowercase S

“I never doubted you would succeed,” McGonagall smiles kindly at me;
--period

“It’s busy tonight,” She comments.
--lowercase S

“To old friends and new beginnings,” She smiles
--lowercase S

if you’re free.” She says.
--comma and lowercase S

free for New Year’s.”  I reply.
--comma

Argus,” We both pull face
--period instead of comma

Awesome chapter, Bec! Can’t wait to come back (very soon) to do some review exchange reviews!

Author Response

Hello, again!

I really, really love what you did with the First Year lessons in this. I can see Emily's point perfectly. There can't be anything quite like the excitement and awe of young kids who totally new to the subject, some of whom (muggle-borns) are seeing complicated magic for the first time in their lives. The way that you wrote the kids was perfect. Their eagerness to please and earnest competitiveness were brilliant touches. Emily obviously connects with them very well.

Again, I thought you did a really good job with McGonagall. Even when she's trying hard to be nice to Emily and supportive, she's still so intimidating. I liked the fact that she seems genuinely concerned about Emily, that was very much like her. Also the measured words of encouragement. I hope we get to see more of the two of them interacting. I imagine McGonagall would have a lot of advice as to how Emily could better connect with her older students.

Finally, I enjoyed the way that I could sort of feel Emily's hair coming down as she enjoyed an evening at the Three Broomsticks with her friend Michelle. Drinks aside, I thought the company really had an impact on her. Spending all of your time in the company of children will definitely wear an adult down over the long run. I see this with my wife every day when I come home from work. ;) You need to interact with other people your own age or your social skills start to degrade and you'll quickly find yourself in quite a rut.

Suggestions? I think I would have liked to see Emily and Michelle talk a bit more about their respective lives, and especially about Emily's. I assume that a part of Michelle's role in this story is to help Emily come to grips with her own need for companionship. More of that may be planned for future chapters, but this one felt a bit slow on the character development front.

I'm going to just stop commenting on your writing, OK? If I don't say anything, just assume that it was brilliant! :)

Back soon for chapter 4!

Author Response

Yeah, that lesson with the first years was really easy to write.  I imagine the majority of the first years, and especially the muggle-borns, would be super-enthusiastic about their classes at Hogwarts.  And I thought it was important for Emily to have the reprieve as well, because it demonstrates that she is not only good at teaching, but deep down she actually enjoys sharing her talents with these kids.

I think there's so much of McGonagall we don't see and after reading about her back story on Pottermore, I think there must be this kind, motherly side to her that rarely gets seen.  She wants to be a mentor for Emily the way that Dumbledore was a mentor for her and helped her through her own suffering.

I definitely agree about the whole spending time with people your own age thing.  The fact that she's become so reclusive has contributed to her change in personality.  She's forgotten how much fun it is to be young and Michelle is starting to remind her of that.  I really appreciate your thoughts on Emily and Michelle sharing more about their lives and I'll definitely take that in to account, although how I envision Michelle is this link to Emily's former personality rather than the person who draws the real issues out.  I want Emily's journey to recovery to be a team effort of sorts, there won't be one person who magically saves her from everything, but rather a tapestry of influences help Emily to look at things differently and find happiness again.  I see Michelle as the one who encourages that young teenage girl in Emily, the one who takes her out dancing and shopping and makes her giggle.  Michelle isn't trying to 'save' Emily, she's just befriending the girl she remembers Emily to be and that will hopefully draw aspects of that girl out of Emily.  On it's own it does sound a little superficial, but when it's hand in hand with the other people that will step forward to help Emily, Michelle actually becomes a vital part of Emily's healing.  I hope that makes sense.  But you're right, I could review some of the character development with Michelle - I don't want her to become a one dimensional character on page because she's quite vivid in my mind.  Thanks for the suggestion :)

Thanks again for reviewing, I'm planning to write another review for you once I've replied to mine so you'll be seeing me again soon :)

Hello!

One of the first things I was going to say in my review (I was planning it before I even read this chapter!) was how lovely your new banner is!  

This chapter seemed to give us a bit more of an insight into Emily's character.  You write the teaching very well (although I'm guessing that bit must be quite easy for you) and the way you portray the first years is brilliant, because that is exactly what they are like.  I remember always being so proud if I answered a question right, and everyone was so eager to take part as well, and you got that part across exactly.  

Even though Emily doesn't believe in her abilities, I think she is quite a good teacher.  If McGonagall trusts her enough to ask her to join the teaching staff, and then is willing to compliment her on her work (since she doesn't dish out compliments very often) then I'm sure she does a good job.  I'm going to go as far to say that Emily's suffering depression (sorry if that's wrong!) which is making her feel like what she's doing is worthless, rather than her actually doing a bad job.  

Also, struggling to call old teachers by their first names is so true!  I still talk to some of my teachers and they always say "call me ---" and I'm like "I can't do that!  You're a teacher!".

I really enjoyed the last part with Michelle.  After the last chapter I hoped that Michelle would come back, because despite being a teacher and responsible, Emily is still young and she needs to have friends.  It was good to see her go out and let her hair down a bit (I loved your name for the cocktail!) and I think Michelle will probably be quite an important character in the future.  She lived through the war as well and has had similar experiences, so she will hopefully be someone that Emily will eventually be able to talk to.

I'd just point out that you put an apostrophe in 'firewhiskys' when there doesn't need to be one.

This was a great chapter, and I'll look forward to the next update!

nott theodore :)

Author Response

Isn't the banner just beautiful?  Sol over at TDA, who made it is super talented and I was so excited when I saw the finished banner.  Ginnifer Goodwin is exactly how I imagine Emily, sort of small and cute but you get the feeling there's more to her than meets the eye.

lol...they say you should write what you know, so I guess I'm doing that with the teaching scenes! :)  And Depression is definitely a part of what Emily is going through, but it's more complicated than even she realises at this point.  As the story progresses, she (and we) will learn more about what's troubling her.  The poor girl definitely needs a confidence boost though - she really doesn't think very highly of herself as a teacher, does she?

I'm glad you like Michelle, I really thought it was important for Emily to have a friend outside of work, a connection to the life she should be living as opposed to the half-life she's living at the moment.  She is certainly going to play a part in Emily's recovery.

Thanks for the heads up on the apostrophe, I always seem to miss something, and it frustrates me when I put an apostrophe in a word like that where it shouldn't be, because I know it shouldn't be there.  I'll go and fix it straight away :)

Thanks again for another great review, I'm so glad you like the story :)

*grins* I was actually considering asking if you were a teacher in one of the previous reviews. 

And *laughs*, I love 1st years too, although our 1st years are Hogwarts' 2nd years. They are so enthusiastic about everything. Pity that whole everybody raising their hands, excited to answer the question thing doesn't last.

Oh, yikes, I would be useless at Transfiguration. Visualising things isn't exactly my strong point.

I think she's a good teacher, even if she doesn't believe it herself. Just from what we've seen here, with the way she helps and encourages the students. And the way they leave with smiles on their faces. I'm quite sure they don't leave Binns' class like that.

Some of that conversation is reminding me a little of an interaction I have planned between McGonagall and a Transfiguration teacher in the second year of my next generation story. *laughs* There's even going to be a line along the lines of "I want you on the staff. I wouldn't have hired you otherwise."

*laughs at the mention of barely legal looking witches* Actually during the school year, pubs in the wizarding world must have an easy time of assessing legality, since under 18s (or maybe under 17s, since people come of age a year younger in the wizarding world) would mostly be at Hogwarts and it'd only be on Hogsmeade's weekends and school holidays, they'd have to worry about underage customers.

You've put an apostrophe in "firewhiskeys" that I don't think should be there.

Love the name of the cocktail.

Yeah, can imagine it'd be hard to call your own old teachers by their first names, particularly if they are still in positions of authority over you, like being Headmistress or Deputy Headmaster.

Hadn't thought about Apparating after drinking being an issue, but it does make sense, since people could Splinch themselves. Wonder if the wizarding world has anti-drunk Apparating laws.

Great chapter. I really like this story so far.

Author Response

Emily is certainly her hardest judge when it comes to her teaching ability.  She's just so hard on herself, but that will come up a bit more in further chapters.

lol...I'm pretty sure the only way people leave Binn's class is yawning!

I hadn't really thought about that thing with underage witches and wizards, although I've also got this theory that not everyone goes to Hogwarts.  I feel like there must be an apprectice type program for the kids who aren't 'smart' or 'skilled' enough and maybe even some sort of option for the squibs.  

Thanks for the heads up on the random apostrophe, I'll go in and fix it.  I always seem to end up with little errors like that, even if I edit ten times (well ok, I don't think I've ever edited a chapter ten times but you know what I mean!).

lol, with the cocktail I furgured that -adjective- -noun/magical creature- and a bit of alliteration, I couldn't go wrong :)  There may be some more in future chapters! And the apparition thing!  I saw something recently in another fanfic where somebody told someone else not to apparate because they were drunk and I thought "of course, that makes complete sense," after all, if you're simply not focussed you can get splinched, so alcohol must make that worse.  And I'd say that if you're not supposed to apparate without a license, then there'd be a few other rules too, though how they'd catch you I'm not entirely sure.  On that point, I wonder if there are drunk flying rules for broomsticks!

Thanks so much for another wonderful review, I really apreciate the time and thought you put into it, and the fact that you're reading my little story too! :)

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