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Chapter: The Night of the Second Day | Story: Twice Defied

I think your version of James's dad's disease is creative. It's magical without being too ridiculous. It is troubling that both of his parents die of a disease, but his mother has yet to be affected (that we as of yet know of course). This really is a destined tragedy, isn't it? Sigh. I also thought Alice's speech was rather poignant. It does put perspective on why the order members are so distant to the marauders doesn't it? In a separate semi related thought I am hoping for some kind of reconciliation between lily and Sirius. So far it seems like the marauders have accepted lily as James's girlfriend, but not as their friend.

Author Response

Thank you! I'm really happy to hear you found the disease believable.

I've always envisioned (in a vague sense) how things would improve for the relationships between the Order and the Marauders/Lily, and between Lily and James' friends. I figured things would be a bit boring if it was all perfect from the start! ;) I would love to get the motivation together to actually write it.

I just started reading your first story, Once Defied, a few days ago and I got so engrossed that now I'm here. I just wanted to tell you that I think your writing has gotten stronger and stronger by the chapter. I like Twice Defied even more than the original and have loved everything you've done plotwise with this story. I had chills for this entire chapter. James's struggle to deal with his dad's death at the beginning is palpable, and Alice's speech to Lily is incredibly powerful. What Alice said also hit on a theme that I've never seen explored in a fanfiction before. Great work with the story, I'm sad that I'm coming to the end of where you've updated and I'm hoping for more updates to come!

Author Response

I thought the disease was excellent. Something really believable (in this fictional world).

I also really liked that the girls started to bond a little

Author Response

Thank you! I'm glad the disease was believable; trying to stick to canon (even in the things I make up) is super important to me.

I love Alice and her friends--it's nice when characters come into your head with personalities at least partially formed, which these ones did. If I did pick this back up again, one of the things I'd be most excited to write about would be Lily getting to know them more!

I've just finished "Once Defied" and caught up with you here: enjoying it immensely, thank you! 

Like Jess below, I'm enthused by the scene with Lily and the other women. Astutely evolved, this coven development presents some clear opportunities for Lily to build significant female relationships, receiving some heart-to-heart insights, particularly with Alice(?), that could clarify and drive her romantic situation with James and weave many additional high impact dramatic canon threads into the main plot. 

(Please forgive the mild criticism) - I particularly hope the above is your intent because, for a novel with a declared drama-romance double genre, the romantic relationship has not occupied nearly as much of the story as I'd expect - specifically considering a supposedly loving teenage couple composed of the two main characters who have just experienced virgin sex - the lack of passion is puzzlingly explicit to me at this point. 

On the other hand, I applaud your characterization of James' complex relationship with his parents as so dispassionate. That theme seems understandable given their disparate ages, and their long separations. Given he's an only child whose father is dying, without any back-story to condition the relationship, he appears incredibly immature and selfish rather than just ridden by a gathering angst. As you said, it will certainly afford ample opportunity for later self-loathing.

I wouldn't be the Deathday Party Planner if I failed to ask for more murder and mayhem - appropriate to a 15+ rating, of course. It seems reasonable to expect more as the Order vigilantes are operating in a setting the wizard community later stipulated in canon to have been deep in the "first war" at the time. Anyway, I am looking forward to Moody and the other members of the Order earning their legends in lots of knock-down-drag-out cursing, jinxing, and hexing confrontations!

You have made me your fan and I can't wait for your coming chapters. Throughout "Once Defied" and again here, I found myself emotionally embroiled with your building canticle conditioning every piece of your action and dialog with my chilling foreknowledge. Totally enthralled with this story, you have made me fully commit to Lilly and James meme: "...their desperate wish: I don't want you to die."

Again, thank you!

Author Response

Hi there! Wow, what a thoughtful review. :) Thanks so much for sharing your feelings about the story with me! I'm really glad you enjoyed Once Defied and this story so far.

Great to hear that you also enjoyed the scene with Lily and the other women of the Order. (I never thought of them as a coven, but I suppose you're absolutely right!) It's nice to give Lily the opportunity to start fresh and form some female relationships, as you said. It'll definitely enhance some aspects of the plot down the road.

Ack, you know, you've hit on something that relates to one of my main worries about this story. (And no need to apologize--feedback, positive or negative, is always a good thing!) You see, I often fear that I'm not really doing justice to all the different aspects of the plot. Even with the chapters regularly rounding out at 5,000-6,000 words, I always feel as though I don't have enough room to tell all of the things I want to. For example, I do like to write scenes focused on James and Lily, but then I worry that it's going to become too repetitive if I don't show them with their friends/families/etc. So, that may be one reason why the story feels less "romantic".

On the other hand, though, James and Lily have been dealt sort of a rough hand that I think brought the "honeymoon" phase of their relationship to a rather abrupt end. And, of course, there is just simply the fact that I don't think I'm drawn to writing traditional romance in the vein of someone like Nicholas Sparks or Nora Roberts.

Having said all that--I do appreciate your suggestion very much, and I'll definitely keep it in mind as I write future chapters. :)

Yes, I plan to have many more action-filled moments in the future! The lack of them so far is really just because Lily & the Marauders are still being accepted into the Order. They haven't yet been assigned tasks that would bring them close to fighting on a regular basis, but that will happen more and more as time passes. (By the way, I think your user name is really clever!)

Again, I'm so glad to hear you've loved my stories so far! It's been a pleasure to hear your thoughts and feedback. I hope to have a new chapter up fairly soon!

Thanks again!

Another wonderful chapter! I feel so sorry for James! I thought that the disease you came up with was both believable and heartbreaking - so good job! I wonder if Mrs. Potter will catch it since she's been spending so much time taking care of her husband.
I really enjoyed the last scene with Lily and the other women from the Order. I mean, first I squealed because I absolutely love it when Lily realizes that her Patronus is the counterpart to James'; I hope she tells him and that they figure out what it means :) And it was also nice to get into the insight of Order's minds, to fully understand why they behave the way they do around the Marauders and Lily. It makes sense, and it also makes it easier to believe that one day they'll all be the friends that they appear to be in canon.
Lovely chapter; I can't wait for the next update! 10/10 :D

Author Response

Yay, I'm glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for leaving me a review. :)

I'm happy to hear that the disease was believable and sad. It was hard to come up with something that could be considered a strictly "wizarding" disease.

Heehee, it was fun to write the moment when Lily realized her Patronus' is similar to James'. :D I kind of tried to avoid it for a while, because somehow I always feel like it's difficult to write without seeming cliched...but you have to show it sometime! I do indeed have plans for James finding out about it. ;)

I'm glad you liked the insight into the Order, too. I felt like that half of the chapter was maybe a bit dialogue-heavy, but I did want to develop their characters a bit--as you said, that'll hopefully help later on when they start to become closer. :)

Thank you so much--new chapter should be up sometime around the 23rd!

AH! I just about screamed when I saw that this was updated. Ran over here just as fast as I could to read and review. Again, you do not disappoint - not that you ever have, but you know :P

I'm so glad that James has Lily. So unbelievably glad. It must be terrible, having to watch his father dying. But at least he finds solace in Lily. 

I really really enjoyed the scene between Lily and the rest of the Order women. Alice's speech broke my heart if only because it was so realistic. This is really the first L/J fic I've read where the war not only plays a part, but it's one of the lead characters, affecting everyone and everything in very real ways. 

This was, as always, magnificent, and I can't wait for more!

Author Response

Ah, Molly, I could just hug you for reviewing so fast! It's been ages since I had a review on a new chapter this quickly. :D Thank you so much!

I think James is lucky that he has a good support system, because I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through what he's going through. I expect it'll make this all a little bit easier to get through, since he has Lily and his friends.

I'm so glad you liked that scene! It was kind of dialogue-heavy, but it was a conversation I really wanted to include, to give a different perspective on the war. And to me, the war is the most compelling part of Lily and the Marauders' story--I mean, romance is always fun, but romance against the backdrop of war? :P It's the stuff that Oscar-winning films are made of!

I already wrote the first half of chapter 13, so it should be up in about a week. I'm having so much fun writing lately, and I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks again!

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