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Chapter: The Character of a Man | Story: First Star to the Right

This is fantastic, I'm kind of new to fanfiction but this is the best of what I have read so far, I can't wait for the next chapter

Author Response

Please write another chapter, PLEASE!!!  i cant wait

Author Response

The last one until you update, gah! The trials and tribulations of reading WIPs ;(

<i>"The light of discovery still radiated form his eyes and played at his lips."</i> That is wonderful. I'd never thought about discovery in this sense, I'd always just taken it for granted that people would be pleased. But this description shows just how much it means to him, and in Luna noticing this, how much he means to her. I love it, this little artistic noticing game that means much more:
<i>"It was a colour that could exist only for finger painting, and hers itched with a desire to glide across his broad cheek bones and to see the colour of passion spread out against her skin's pallor."</i>

<i>"Its message was clear, she too had a place somewhere in the scheme of it all."</i> Luna has developed far more than I would have guessed she would, but I love it. The fact that she empathises with these creatures, these shy creatures who tend to avoid humans and are rarely viewed, let alone called 'beautiful', just speaks volumes for herself and how far she has come.

<i>"Rolf rose to his feet, cradling the infant in his arms and stroking its head. There was a softness in his face, a look of wonderment and awe."</i> :3 stop it, you're making /me/ fall in love ;)

You might want to correct this mistake: <i>"Several loud foot falls on the landing below crashed tthrough her contemplations."</i> The rest of it is perfect though :)

<i>"You shouldn't let somebody else dance your dance."</i> This, I don't know why, but it resonated with me, and I thought you should know that.

And now they're going on a date! I can't wait for you to write/post the next chapter, and I also can't wait to see how you handle Luna on a date. Knowing you, however, you will do it with unbelievable skill and grace and I will sit here flabbergasted at how I never thought it would/could be handled that way and with ease.

Mel, just in case you forgot, you are brilliant &hearts; and you, without any shadow of a doubt, deserved that Dobby award for this!

Author Response

Mel :(. Please, please write the next chapter! This was just so insanely beautiful that my eyes are craving more!

The Demigiuses! They're magnificent! They're nearly as special as Luna herself, and what an incredible experience for get and Rolf to share together &hearts;

They both were able to see how truly loving and special one another are. They get to fall in love while watching some
Of the rarest creatures... That's so romantic that it makes me want to cry.

Professor is such a necessary contrast. Most people would feel like he does, and his presence is perfect to really highlight how precious Luna and Rolf are.

And maybe all Rolf needs is the encouragement of a truly beautiful inside and out blonde to go forward with his own novel?

I have to have the next chapters! 

&hearts;

Author Response

Ahh!! OMG. you're caught up!!  I fully intend to write the next chapter hopefully before school starts back up. :)  I think I'm going to tackle chapters 13 and 14 of WAT and then set out to work on chapter 6 of this. look at me with WIP plans~

Demiguises are actually a canon creature from JKR's Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them.  I don't remember why I picked them, but I had a lot of fun bringing them to life.  Ah, yes. Rolf and Luna really are special individuals... I am a bit envious of them.  

Until the next chapter, thank you so, so much for all of your support thus far!!
Melissa

Homg, Mel, your imagery is to die for. The Demiguises are AMAZING. And the bit about their fur being used for invisibility cloaks - is that canon? Because it sure as heck sounds like it could be. The detail of what they look like, with their iridescence and how they all frolic but don't really function separately, existing as many parts of a whole - it was like chocolate for the eyeballs. The way you portray Luna is so...pretty...that's the best word I can think of - that you could update this story once a year and I would still love it. I also loved how Luna sees Rolf, with colors. It's like she sees his soul written across his face. She reminds me a little bit of Dumbledore in the way that she seems to x-ray people, and she can tell a good egg from a bad egg at once. You really can't hide yourself from someone like Luna. She has a mind that's impossible to decode, and I almost don't want to try, because she's the best kind of enigma; and somehow her brain connects things together in a whimsical fashion and makes even the most ordinary things seem striking. I'm envious of that and wish I could borrow some of that quality for myself.

Professor Davin got on my nerves a bit; it's clear that he doesn't have the same awe for wildlife or the same appreciation for anything beautiful that Luna and Rolf have. His brain is so narrow and two-dimensional, focused on his book, that he literally does not stop to smell the roses. To quote a line from my favorite movie - all of the facts, none of the flavor. I can see that creative differences between Rolf and Davin could cause trouble in the future, especially if Luna's dreamy influence persists in Rolf's life. It's so much better to be carried away with the imagination, seeing the world in bright colors like Luna does, than to look at everything under a lens and take notes. You are a scrooge, Davin.

/end rant

"You know something Barney," she said quietly to the large dog, "your master is a good man."
- I love this line. It says so much about Luna. She estimates people in traits, it seems, and takes nothing at face value. Just like she can see sour qualities in Davin despite knowing him for a very short period of time, she can sense inherently that Rolf is a good man. &hearts; 

They're going to dinner together! Hooray! I hope Luna's presence and her way of looking at everything reaffirms that the way Rolf sees things is the right way, and Davin is only going to bog him down in the mud. Show that nasty Davin who's the better naturalist! Hooray for Luna! Hooray for Rolf! Boo for Davin! I hope Rolf writes his own book and Davin gets no sales on his and the world tells him he sucks.

LOVED THIS CHAPTER. I AWAIT THE NEXT ONE ON MANY TENTERS AND HOOKS. 

&hearts;

Author Response

Sarah. Stop. Literally. Huge smile on my face, and verging on Rachel blobiness right now.  

First let me apologize for the horrible amount of time this review has sit unanswered.  Secondly, let me apologize for not updating this story in a million and a half years. I really do plan on finishing it eventually, it just takes a lot of effort to write and wasn't something I could handle during the school year.  

The Demiguises were so much fun to write, and the bit about their fur being used as invisibility cloaks it totally canon. I'm not clever enough to come up with something like that. :P  I think you may be the only person who has pointed out the way luna sort of sees Rolf in colors.  The way you describe it, like she sees his soul in the contours of his face and the shad of his eyes... that's gorgeous and I don't knw if I ever fully was aware of that until now, but it's very true. 

Luna is a bit of an Enigma.  I would be lying if I told you I completely understood her motivations behind all her thoughts and actions, because I don't. I have a very light grasp of her character. She really does sort of write herself. A lot of her fluidity and ability to appreciate the unappreciable was inspired by a teacher I had in high school who always tried to teach us to see the beauty in the everyday.  I don't know if I ever fully understood that until I started writing this story, but Luna makes me want to be a better person.  

Your rant on professor Davin (H) I really don't think he's an awful person, and I do identify with him a lot on a personal level and use him as a critique of myself on a small level.  I think he wouldn't be a terrible guy on his own, but in comparison to the the simple beauty of Luna.  

Barney is such a foil for the development of Rolf and Luna's relationship. :P  

I love that you loved this chapter and hope the tenters and hooks I've left you on aren't terribly uncomfortable. I will be updating this in the near future -- I'm feeling inspired. :)

xoxo

Hey! I'm back with another review for you!

Firstly, I'd like to mention the parts that I loved then we'll go back to the areas of concern once again. 

The way you've created the demiguises is very intriguing. I really like their introduction and how you've made them sound so timid and intelligent creatures at the same time. Rolf's and Luna's admiration for them was apparent here and I loved how both of them were so excited to see the creatures. Their happiness was contagious and I wish that Professor Davin had felt some of it too. 

I felt sorry for him when Davin rejected his notes. It's so obvious that Rolf sees this adventure as truly an adventure and not merely a chance to make as much money as possible. He's so much similar to Luna but so different at the same time that I can see together already. I really liked the way Luna handled the situation.

Over to the areas of concern once again. Well, in the beginning I said that yes, the chapters are congruent. I still stand by what I said. It took me two chapters to recognise your style and the way you begin each chapter but as the initial thoughts of Luna melded into reality, I could follow the story very easily. The chapters are perfectly consistent and your flow has been consistent throughout the story so far. You have been able to maintain Luna's originality very well even though you've had many update breaks. 

Luna's character has maintained it's genuineness as I've already said. It's sweet, caring and carefree and I've loved reading her descriptions and seeing the world through her eyes. You've done and excellent job with her and I must tell you that I think that it was awesome that you confronted your fear and wrote her character. You did an exceptional job; you deserve all the praise you get =)

The story is amazing from beginning to end and it makes me wanna be just as carefree and soulful as Luna is. She makes all your readers feel happy and surreal; one fact I absolutely adore about her and of course, you.

Keep it up, Mel! You've done a great job with this story and I can't wait for you to update. =) Good luck with this story and others and until next time, Happy Writing! =D

Author Response

Hey!

Let me start by apologizing for how long it's taken me to respond to this review. 

The demiguises were a ton of fun to write. They are canon and are described very briefly in the Magica Beasts book.  I sort of see them as a reflection of Luna's character. They are special and different and intelligent, but not necessarily understood by society.  

Rolf and Davin definitely are the driving force of this very thin plot, so I'm glad that they appeal to readers.  Luna's characeter is really fun to write when I can wiggle into her head.  It never ceases to amaze me when somebody says they wish they could see the world more like she does.  That honestly is the best compliment somebody can pay me. 

Thank you so much.  I am feeling rather whimsical, and so I'll probably be updating this story finally. I hope to see you back when I do, as I really appreciate your feedback. 

xoxo

It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry for the delay- life has been very busy.

I really, <i>really</i> enjoyed reading these chapters. I think that you've done an absolutely fantastic job of capturing Luna's personality and life. In each chapter you show more of her unique perspective of life, in the way she dances to wind, adventures without planning and her awe at life. I really enjoyed reading about the demiguises in this chapter- the simple awe Luna felt as she observed them was beautifully written and I think that you did a fantastic job of describing the little-known animals. 

Rolf is an unexpected delight: you haven't written him how I imagined him but I do enjoy the way you've characterized him. A naturalist, he shares Luna's fascination and wonder with the world- I can already see how perfect they'd be together. You've done a great job of writing him so that he isn't just a male version of Luna but instead a person with his own personality. I do wonder what you're going to do about his wife. I know that you mentioned her before and it sounded like she was still alive... If so, how are you going to move that storyline along (even if this <i>is</i> only chapter 5) because I can't imagine that Luna will accept any form of cheating... This could quickly become a tangled mess. 

Luna definitely seems to become more free with herself as the chapters progress and she delves further into her adventure. I guess that this adventure really is what she needed, that she was becoming bored and stale working at the Quibbler.

I did find it interesting, once I realized it, that this wasn't taking place directly after Hogwarts and I think that this is a very unique and new storyline. I love the little mentions and scenes with the other characters from Hogwarts- Neville's wedding, Ginny's charity... It's heartwarming to see that they're still so close, still such good friends. In particular, I loved the little mention of James- he sounded so cute!

To be honest, if you hadn't told me that this story wasn't updated very often, and I hadn't read the author's notes, I wouldn't have known. You've done a great job of continuing the flow of the story from chapter to chapter and I didn't notice any awkward parts in the writing. However, the first few times you started a chapter in a completely different place and situation than the one from the previous chapter, I was confused. Once I realized what you were doing, and how it sounded like Luna and how you gradually explained her dreams/brought her back to the present, I understood and didn't have a problem with it. 

I did notice a few small typos, very easy to fix. In chapter two, instead of "Her body slowed" you wrote "He body slowed". As well, with "lead you through" it should be "led" and with "shook is head" it should be "his". In chapter four, instead of "Barney shameless leaned" it should be "shamelessly".

This story has a surreal feel to it, an atmosphere that suits Luna perfectly. You've done an excellent job with your description. I really enjoyed reading this story and I hope that my comments are helpful! Thanks for requesting!

Author Response

Hey!

Thank you for reviewing!  I literally always have to reread your reviews a few times before I can articulate an adequate response.  Your reviews are so thorough and wonderfully balanced that they help to put me in the proper mindset to write the next chapter and point out small inconsistencies that I can correct to improve my story. 

Luna is a terrifying character.  I really am striving in this story to steer clear of her 'loony' reputation.  Of course Luna is a bit different and odd, but I really see her as an incredibly whimsical, wise and insightful character.  She really sees things that others don't, things that may be too small or normal for others to find fascination it.  Luna is very transcendental.  

I didn't want to start this story immediately after Hogwarts concluded.  I wanted a chance for life to move on and normalize a bit to really support the restless feel that Luna had in the first chapter.  Since the majority of this story is taking place far away from Hogwarts and the UK, I wanted to include familiar characters in the first chapter.  

That is a huge relief.  The style of this story is very fickle and it's the sort of thing that is impossible to force write, so my updates have been very irregular. I don't have many consistent, chapter to chapter readers and so I always worry about how fluid the story is.  

Ah! Typos.  I've actually never edited or had this story beta'd. (insert guilty face here) But thank you so much! I actually sought out a beta for the first time last week and will be doing a massive typo and grammatical overhaul very soon. 

Thank you so, so much!

Hi, it's me :)
wonderful chapter! the pictures of the scene just jump out at me :) There were a few spelling errors and words left out of sentences, especially paragraph 4, but nothing hard to fix or hard to understand. I really love that quote, very well done :) can't wait to see about their dinner together. I liked that touch of realism with the professor wanting Rolf to write differently. It makes sense. Great job! looking forward to the next chapter :)

Author Response

Hey! Thank you so much for leaving this review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and want to apologize for the long lag between chapters.  I do hope you continue reading when I do begin updating this again, and look forward to hearing what you think of it.

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