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Oh, and it sounds like Luna is about to fall in love. I am looking forward to seeing how you will portray this - I feel that it will be a hard task, not because you're not up to it, but because Luna was never portrayed as being 'in love' in the books, and so whatever you write will be completely up to you to characterise. I can't wait to see what you do :)

<i>"It was as though she stood in the centre of a pristine gem strung on a delicate thread, which way her world swayed depended only on the direction she chose."</i> Wow. This is actually some of the most beautiful imagery I have read. Like the way your future pans out is all because of these small decisions. But obviously, you being the brilliant Mel, have written it so poetically, and manage to attribute even more meaning to it than I would have if I'd written it (so it's a good job I didn't, haha)

<i>"Well, all grand adventures are big. Otherwise, they'd just be adventures."</i> Touche, Luna, touche. I do, however, love the way you describe Luna describing Rolf as if she would paint him. It's quite intimate, but at the same time she's still lost in her past.

And there you go again with your lovely, flowing descriptions and dialogue. You have captured Luna perfectly, with all her imperfections and her innocence, and yet I love the way that her husband-to-be is much more worldly, as if they could both help each other to reach their full potential.

What really amazes me about your writing, though, is not just how beautiful every description is, but how every moment, every nanosecond is accounted for with gorgeous imagery and language. You paint such full, rich pictures, bringing not only the characters, but also the situations to life. This is a mean feat, and yet you achieve it with ease. And I am eternally jealous of your gift &hearts;

Author Response

You brought me into an amazing winter wonderland, and made sure I saw it through Luna's eyes. Nothing about a snowy mountain is ordinary when it's coming from Luna's mind.

I really loved her thoughts pertaining to how many others had been on that hilltop, footprints left from the snow.

Luna is a perfectly written mess of contradictions. She moves at a slow dreamy pace, yet pops off for this new adventure without a second thought. It fits her character remarkable. Your imagination is an amazing place, you make me forget that you have created this version of Luna, and she isn't a living breathing person.

Planned adventure aren't nearly as fun *or something along those lines* is perfect! You have captured, harnessed, and are now sharing with us the amazing world of inside Luna's head.

Their meeting was an extrpdianry chance of fate, at least that's how you've made me feel. Everything about this story so far is so dreamy and so vivid, I just want to curl up and read it all in one sitting.

Your talent is breathtaking, I can't wait to continue this!

Jami

Author Response

I'm reviewing not for any particular reason, just felt like it.

Oh God. I've told you how much I love your emphasis on Luna's perception of potential, haven't I? I'm sure I have.

Your characterisation of Rolf is lovely. I was half falling in love with him myself. Her designating him 'kind-eyed man' is just so very Luna and so... it just made me smile. I am a sucker for romance it seems. I had not really realised this until I read this chapter, so well done.

Anyway, I honestly have nothing constructive to say at all, so I'm just going to shut up now before I embarrass myself. I hope this was an ego boost for you if nothing else. :)

Author Response

Unexpected reviews are the best!! I can't tell you how lovely of a surprise it was to see this review when I logged on today.  

I'm very glad you are enjoying this story, I have enjoyed writing it very much.  I take a lot of liberties with Rolf (he's sort of my perfect man) so I'm glad he comes across realistically in this story.  I'm not sure where my voice for Luna originally came from, but honestly she sort of writes herself once I'm in the zone. 

Reviews with CC are fantastic, but I always appreciate a good ego boost! (Plus I leave plenty of squee-y reviews for other authors all the time...) So thank you so much!

Gah, this was so, so perfect. I am really kicking myself for not reading more of this sooner. 

This is <i>gorgeous</i>, Mel. Your imagery is phenomenal. Just, really spectacular. Luna's imagination (well, yours to be more precise) is so vivid and beautiful. I love that she wound up in the Himalayans (and her line later to Rolf about grand adventures being big, otherwise they'd just be adventures was <i>perfect</i>). 

Her interactions with Rolf are wonderfully done, and I can imagine every word she speaks. Everything is just so <i>Luna</i>.

This is a wonderful story and fantastic writing. I don't even know how you come up with some of this stuff, it's amazing. My favorite line was this: <i>the progeny of an ancient tectonic romance</i>. It's kind of silly to choose that one line out of this entire chapter, but I mean...who else can describe the creation of the Himalayans as the product of a romance? It's great.

I love this story so far, and it is on my to-do list to read the rest of the chapters. I hope you can get some inspiration soon to continue this. It's a gem.

Author Response

Ah. Missy! I'm so glad you like this story. It's so, so different from other things that I write and well, I've never really polished any of it for typos or anything,  but I'm so happy you liked it!

I'm no where near abondoning this story, but I'm certainly not in a rush to finish it either. I sort of just update this as I get the inspiration to. To me, this story sort of feels like an ongoing water color.  and it always makes me happy when readers enjoy all the liberties I take in describing things. 

Thank you so much, missy!

Your imagery flows beautifully and naturally. Which I would think would be key for Luna, she seems like a very visual person. Your vocabulary also, when you describe your settings, also make it seem as if Luna is the one talking. You just seem to have her character down very nicely.

Author Response

Baww. Thank you so much for your review!! Luna was super scary when I started writing her (and still is a teensy bit) but I really enjoy it (despite how little I update this story). 

Thanks again!

Hello again and sorry for the delay! Like I said in the PM, I was waiting until I had more then a couple minutes to read in order to go through a couple chapters rather then one at a time (I much prefer reading it as a whole and really getting into the story). 

Now onto the actual review. I find it hard to describe how I'm feeling right now; I felt so overwhelmed with all the beauty of this chapter, the magical descriptions and the easygoing, easyflowing rythm of your writting that I feel like I'm in a dream. It's a testament of how good your writting is, I think, because I really felt like I was Luna; not just with her but really, like I was in her head and strangely, it was quite a nice trip!

The meeting was very original and fitting for Luna and this young man. The trip, in the first place, was very random and Luna-esque so it is fitting that this adventure would bring a new "friend" into her life. Great chapter, there is nothing to say about the writting; it was all very clear and clean.

Author Response

It's no surprise when I say I haven't updated this fic in ages. It's very hard to get into Luna's head and world, and so it's very slow going.  This review is enough inspiration to make me want to write the next chapter.  Everything you said in the second paragraph is everything I've tried to accomplish with this story and ahh. I'm just speechless. 

Thank you so much.

Hello :)

I have already come to adore this story! Luna is such a different and unique character. It’s really difficult to find stories that seem to characterize her and her thoughts so well, but you have done a phenomenal job. I really feel like you catch that almost mythical edge to Luna’s character. She goes based on what she feels is right, based on what she knows around her and isn’t fazed when other people get in the way of that. She just keeps on going. It really is amazing.

I also love your descriptions! All of it usually adds to the characterization, but you also use a fair bit of imagery. And it all beautifully weaves into the story, keeping the flow going. Even when you add in some dialogue at the end of the chapter, it keeps with the flow. It doesn’t seem abrupt in the least bit.

I’m actually going to share two of my favourite lines of description and then I have one or two other things to say :)

First line: “She shut her eyes and felt herself slip away from conscious thought. She was no longer falling, but floating.” –I don’t know what it is about this one, but I adore it. I like the entire part before it about the falling, and I like how it changed over to floating. It was just so nicely word.

Second line: “They were strikingly blue, a kind and reassuring hue.” –I liked this line because, first of all, it kind of rhymed. And it really put Luna’s voice into it. It made me smile and it just…it flowed in so nicely, it was great!

The last thing I wanted to mention was Rolf. I really enjoy reading his character because he seems just as dreamy as Luna, yet he has a different edge to him. I’m not quite sure what that edge is yet, but it makes him different than Luna. I’m excited to read more to see if I can figure out what that edge is. I also want to read more because I want to see what will happen between Rolf and Luna. They have such unique personalities.

Great job! I’ll hopefully be back to read more soon :D

~Grimmerz

Author Response

Thank you so much for your review!

I'm glad you appreciate my characterization of Luna. I am trying really hard to bring a depth to her rather than just portraying her as a odd characiture.   Rolf is dreamy in my opinion and really compliments Luna.  

Hope you continue to read along. I'd love to hear what you think of later chapters.

Hey Mel! Review tag brought me (back) here :)

Your imagery really shines in this chapter! It's so like Luna to just stand on a hillside and take it all in, one snowflake at a time. The wintery descriptions were really delicate and beautiful, and I loved how what she was seeing inspired her to finally go through with her plan to go on an adventure.

So Luna meets Rolf! It's a bit earlier than I would have expected, but the meeting was interesting nonetheless. I love how the Tibetans have no idea what to do with her, standing out in the cold without the slightest awareness or care for the danger of frostbite. Again, so very Luna. I think she's a tough character to capture, albeit one I'd like to try one day, and you should congratulate yourself for doing it so perfectly. I don't know how you get into her head, though I'd love to :)

Great job!

Amanda

Author Response

Review tag!

I really had no plan or real understanding of how to manage a plot (of which this story has non) before beginning this fic.  However, I'm in love with it nonetheless. My prevailing excuse is 'she's luna and so breaks conventions by default'.  I'm not really entirely sure how I get into her head, but as you can see by my last updated date, it's not a consistent system, so you probably don't actually want my insight in the matter.  lol.  

I really appreciate your reviews and feedback!
Thank you so much!

Hey, this is apocalypse, back another review for you!

Wow. This chapter was so beautifully written that I too, lost myself in the beauty around her. You have such a talent for this and I really like how you use it to write such a story =) The beginning was perfect and caught my attention immediately. There was a veryy brief instant where I felt some confusion as the description got too much but I got over that pretty fast and found the rest of the read brilliant.

I really like how you've progressed Luna's character. She's impulsive and decisive and does not regret her decisions at all. This side of her personality seems very interesting due to the way you write it. Her independence is what strikes me as her most endearing quality making her a like-able character instantly. Although I think that this is perfect and does not need more editing, I just feel like there's something missing. Luna's matured and has very different thoughts than she has known to have but I still feel that there should be more on her beliefs, you know? Like the belief about 'nargles'; the ridiculous notion about the crumpled horned snorkacks, maybe? I just feel that the slightly silly element of her character should remain there and only the level should change. 

Plus, when you were listing what she had brought along with her, I was expecting to read something like her carrot shaped earrings? Something that stands out but she thinks it's an essential part of her attire. I don't know.. Maybe I'm sounding completely wrong to you but that's what I felt and I thought I should let you know =)

Moving on, I really really like the way she met Rolf. On a snow covered peak, under the beautiful sky, accompanied by the scenic beauty, and of course Professor Davin but who's counting him? =P; there couldn't have been a better way you could have made them meet. Moreover I think that making him a naturalist was a very good (and convenient) for your story and Luna's grand adventure. That's exactly what she needs =D 

Rolf seems like a person I'm going to like. He's already very sweet and has grabbed my attention, I can't wait to see how you continue with their relationship. =) Plus, I just love the blue of his eyes that you described =P

As I've read two chapter now, I think I'll talk about their congruity here. The chapters I've read so far are congruent enough and they allow the flow of the story to remain persistent. There was a gap between the scenes of the previous chapter and this one but I think that you covered that by explaining how she ended up on the hill in the first place. So, yes, the chapters are indeed congruent, so far. =)

A very good chapter! I enjoyed reading it and can't wait to learn more about Rolf! =) Keep it up!

Author Response

Hello again!

I appreciate your critique of Luna's character. I think I wanted to lay the ground work for her before bringing in the things we already know about her.  I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I progress in the story. Perhaps more of her beliefs will come out as Luna and Rolf get a chance to talk some more. 

Thank you so much!

Again I marvel at your use of descriptions in this story. I always love stories with lots of descriptions and details in them for I feel they help you really get into the story. I also love that you decided to write this story about how Luna found her husband. This is the first story I have read about it. The idea that Luna would one day wake up and decide to go on a grand adventure with no idea where she was going or what she would be doing is spot on. Your flow was nice and I think your transitions were great. I can see why this story got an award.

Author Response

Bawww. Thank you so much for this review. I'm so glad you are enjoying my Luna story. I've had a lot of fun crafting the world through her eyes.

Aw, Mel, wow. This is so unique and so special. I love the feeling of this story, so optimistic and free flowing... so Luna! The way you portrayed her emotions and mindset was beautiful as was the writing which captured this sublime-fairytale-like-landscape so perfectly. The character of Luna comes across so perfectly, she's so easy going and the sense of new freedom you conveyed at the beginning of the chapter was perfect.

I loved the part where she was 'sitting in the arm of a star'. I really like the theme of stars that has been used so far... it gives it yet another unique touch and the way lines/concepts like 'sitting in the crook of a star's arm' are used so casually, it's so perfectly Luna. Easy acceptance of the incredible!

And she's met Rolf &hearts; I cannot wait to see this romance unfold.

Author Response

Helena where have you been all my life. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story. It really means a lot to me. You're so lovely.  I'm very happy you are enjoying the story with all it's description and what not. 

xoxo
Melissa

he Himalayas! Well, can't say that that would've been my first thought, but perhaps for Luna! Your description is absolutely gorg, of course. And I don't think I've ever heard of the Himalayas describes as perfectly as this one phrase: <i>the progeny of an ancient tectonic romance</i>.

Hahah! That is <i>such</i> a Luna note. Woops, impromptu holiday! But you'll be in my heart! 

And freezing to death, apparently. I guess the downside of general free-spiritedness and being preoccupied with the beauty, is not heeding the deathly blizzard coming her way. Teehee, I expect that to be Rolf. His eyes! Eyes like stars! At least in my mind. I like that description of him - painterly and soft. 

<i>You poor naturalist. Planned adventures can’t be nearly as fun.</i> Luna, that is not how you strike up a conversation. But ah well, he's charmed :D All is glorious.

And it <i>is</i> Rolf! of course. You have warmed your way into my heart already, Mr. Rolf.

Author Response

The Himalayas indeed. Truthfully I never really expected to end up there either.  I knew I wanted to write something far away and mountainous and snowy... so being far from a geography expert, I googled those terms and the first thing to pop up on images was a picture of what turned out to be the himalayas. 

Omg. That line of discription... gave me such turmoil. I fussed with it so much because it felt clunky, so I'm glad the end result is a good one.  

Mr. Rolf is dreamy... I'm not sure how, but somehow he has this innate curiousity which makes him find Luna endearing.  Thank goodness for that considering they eventually have children together. I feel like most peopel would be like... right, you're strange. Let me find you a plane ticket out of here.

Baww. Gina. Thank you again for these reviews.

Its me again!

Once again, Luna is very spot on. You really would think that she would go up a snowy mountain without much provisions. Mind you, she is a witch but still. Luna never has a plan and I love that you kept her that way. For some odd reason, your Luna reminds me of Rapunzel from Tangled. Wide-eyed, happy, energetic and just excited. Willing to explore everything without a question. 

And you know...I never thought of Rolf being a muggle. That's totally different and I can really see it work. He'll give Luna a lot more to explore and learn than the Wizarding World. 

Overall, nice chapter! If you wish, feel free to re-request! :D

Author Response

Thank you again. You're aweome and so are your reviews. Thank you for leaving them.

aww, that was a sweet chapter :) I can't wait to hear why they were in the Himilayas, and maybe why Luna likes them so much, it suits her, but I would like to know how she heard about it and why she likes them. It was slightly confusing that she was dreaming in the beginning I thought she had fallen off something and was that kind of unnaturally calm she always is lol. Still, I liked it :) Great job!

Author Response

Eh, why not the Himilayas? lol.  Glad to hear you're still enjoying it. Thank you so much.

I'll have to admit, this story is making me giddy like all really good stories do. I can tell when a story is REALLY good cause I start chuckling and getting hyper while reading it and this, fits that. The description is great! Not too much, but not too little. Characters are great! I'm loving it so far! :D

Author Response

Aww! Thank you so much, Mike!! I began writing this story in response to a challenge to write the canon character that I felt I could do the least justice with.  And so First Star was born.  In an attempt to craft Luna's character, I realized a lot of who she is is contained in how she processes the world around her.  Hence, this descriptive heavy style (in my opinion) was born.  Some how, it seems to be working!! 

Thank you so much for reviewing!  I really appreciate it and the fave!  
-Melissa

Aw, we got to see Rolf enter in this chapter. I already love him; exactly as I have imagined him in my mind. And I really liked this sentence: 

"A fierce wind whipped across the black expanse and time flew by her; the arm teetered threatening to blow her off and cast her from the world of the celestial spirits."

It really brought Luna's surroundings to life in my mind's eye, as well as several other sentences. It's all very vivid and I love the simple, poetic way you describe it all as Luna takes it in. Poetic and Luna go hand-in-hand. But, yeah, this sentence just really emphasized how far away from home Luna really is and how serious she is about going on this unplanned adventure. Another fabulous chapter and now I'm off to read ch 3. 10/10

Author Response

Rolf.  He's so lovable.  And seeing as this is labeled as a short story (which I hope it turns out to be that) I figured he should make an appearance. 

From the get go, I tried to compensate Luna's character with her observation, to make the two one and the same. But as the fic progresses, I have come to realize that the observation and description compliments Luna's character... rather than compensating for something that is lacking.   I'm so glad you're enjoying this story.  I love writing it!

Hi. I hope you're having a good day.

This was a beautiful second chapter. Once again, the descriptions were superb. I mean, they're just so...light and just enchant the story. Sometimes descriptions can hold a story down, but yours doesn't. The descriptions just fit and are lovely to read. I can imagine everything so easily. The whole prose in effect is just beautiful. I'm so jealous of your skills right now. 

Luna, once again, was spot on. You just write her perfectly. I loved this line <i>“You poor naturalist. Planned adventures can’t be nearly as fun. A real adventure has no plans, no expectations. Just you, your heart and your mind.” </i> Beautiful line. It fits Luna's character so perfectly. 

Rolf is such an interesting character! Him and Luna together is just amazing. I loved their dialogue together. 

The ending line just made me fill up with fuzzies. Ah, I can't wait until they fall in love all good and proper because I feel powerful knowing that Luna has met her future husband but doesn't realize it. Haha.

- Keely.
x

Author Response

Again, apologies on my laxity with review responses.  I think it's very interesting to see what lines people pick out to comment on, and I'm a fan of the one you chose. Thank you so much for your review!

I really like this chapter! Going off to the Himalayas randomly is totally something Luna would do anyways, & I really like your explanation of her and her wish for adventure. I also really like Rolf so far. Their conversation worked really well. Great job thanks for writing!
~mads

Author Response

Luna is a free spirit, it's one of my favorite things about her. thank you so much for your review.

This is adorable, and I love it so much.


Your writing is so beautiful, I could actually read your descriptions all day, though i generally dont like things to be over described. your style of writing is perfect for luna, I absolutely love it! I am so glad you requested.

Luna is excellent, as I have said, and I love her introduction to rolf and her "mr rolf", so cute!

Can't wait to read on!

Author Response

Thank you again!! You're awesome.

Still loving it. Still just as beautiful. 

I love the way you write. Completely impressed with the way you described the softness of Rolf's face...using the paintbrushes and strokes. That was magnificent. 

I adore the easy going feel on this fic, which is fitting since it is about Luna after all. 

I can't wait for the next chapter! 

Magically Yours, 

Dem

Author Response

I'm glad you are still liking the story. :)  I am sorry it's been so long since I've updated and even longer since I responded to your reviews.  I really do appreciate them!!

I remember when you first told me your idea for this story a looonnng time ago, and I thought it was so unique. I really think you've outdone yourself with the descriptions in this chapter. Everything seems so... light, airy. There is space in every sentence to stop and picture the scene and I think it fits the mountaintop perfectly. All the words seem shiny and sparkly and clean like snow and cold mountain air. 

In particular, I loved these two lines. They both really stuck with me.

<i>It was as though she stood in the centre of a pristine gem strung on a delicate thread, which way her world swayed depended only on the direction she chose.</i> The picture this paints, as well as the feeling, is awesome.

<i>So this is what happens to those whose dreams are bigger than the earth.</i> Left me totally speechless. So perfect.

I also adore Luna's dialogue. It is just quirky enough to be her and her with Rolf is just love. I can't wait to see them meet up again!

As always this was a total joy to read. Lovelovelove!

Annie

Author Response

crap. Archive ate my response. :(

Okay. Let me try and remember what all I had said... it was a really nice response.  

Light and airy... I am thrilled that those are the two adjectives you used to describe this!! I worry that I push the envelope too far with description and that the readers may drown. :P  I'm so happy that there is space between the description-y words to actual see what I'm describing. 

I actually couldn't believe that I wrote the second line that you pointed out.  I went back and scanned the chapter for it. :)

I want to thank you for this review.  Literally, this review is what prompted me to begin rewriting chapter three after losing the written version that I had lost.  Thank you. 

Lots of love. 
Melissa

Hi! This is SilentConfession from the forums come finally to check out if we really are braintwins! It does indeed appear that we are! this is exactly how i imagined the winter scene in my head! Probably even better! 

I really do love this and you've captured Luna so well! The whole story is just so dreamy and magical i just want to jump in it myself. But i think that is what makes it work, she is such an odd character to begin with and having this whole story written in this dreamy feel really adds to her own characterization. I love the whole go with the flow, fate will take you were you need to be. You've really stripped Luna down to the core and made her so much more dynamic than the book. You have made me love her even more. 

The flow of the story is rather good. It flows well and is easy to read and to imagine. This is a very promising start to this and i'm so glad you are tackling a Rolf/Luna! 10/10 and an add to my favs! Good luck with the rest of your story!
-Zay

P.S. I like Rolf so far... i suspect i'll love him in the coming chapters.

Author Response

Brain twins!  I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this review. I do hope you continue to enjoy the story. Thank you so much for favoriting it and for this review. You rock.

Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your requested review - I apologize sincerely for the delay it took in getting to you! ^^

This was a very promising beginning to your Luna/Rolf story! For some reason not a whole lot of people pair Luna and Rolf - although it is canon, I see far more Luna/Blaise and Luna/Neville or Luna/Harry - so that fact that you have chosen to tackle this particular ship is refreshing. =] I also really like how you have characterized Luna, and I think it's unique as well, so props to you for that as well!

Your writing style and descriptions both flow rather well and are easy to read, and this is very good for you as an author and for me as a reader as well. =] 

I rather enjoyed this beginning! Speaking as someone who is not a huge Luna fan, this was a very enjoyable story, and you have set it up nicely to continue it without any foreseeable difficulties. ^^ Thank you for coming by my review thread and requesting a review from me!

Author Response

lololololol.  RACHEL. YOU INTRODUCED YOURSELF BY YOUR PEN NAME. THIS MEANS THAT THIS WAS BEFORE I KNEW YOU. BAW.  I love you and appreciate your review and gahhh. Love you.

I love this story so far. As I said before, you captured Luna just right. There is a dreamy quality to the whole story in general, not just her, that makes me want to go paint pictures of constellations and wear lots of purple. And I look pretty good in purple, so well done!
I've never read a fanfic like this before. It's just...it's so LUNA. It's so different, in a very majestic, anything-can-happen, optimistic, go-with-the-flow kind of way. I love that Luna leaves it all up to fate, as though everything is meant to be and part of some master design. I love her trust in the universe and her trust in herself and her own decisions. And I have to agree with her about fate, because she took one step into the unknown and met Rolf. She's so comfortable with the unknown, it's unnerving. She's not at all like most people, and I find her fascinating. But the funny part is that I wasn't a huge Luna fan in the books. But you've made her easier to relate to, and more real, and more complex. She still has all of her original characteristics, but you've made her more dynamic. I really, really like her. And now I just want to see how she breezes through the solar system, bouncing around into everything that's 'meant-to-be' and being an eternal optimist, looking for the good in everyone and every situation. Magical. Utterly magical.

10/10 (same as last chapter) and adding to favorites. 

:)

Author Response

Gahhh. Again. The way you describe my writing is prettier than my actual writing.  and I am blushing. :O I do think that Luna is a bit 2D in the books... she's wise, but in a comic relief sort of way.  I wanted to give substance to her character, and I'm not sure when it all came together, but I quite admire her.  Thank you so much!

Ok, your descriptions are amazing, I can picture everything that you describe:-).

She was standing on a snow-covered hillside of a low-lying mountain peak. A shiver ran down her body as a crisp breeze danced across the snowy scenery, picking up the frozen powder in its wake. The glittering specks twirled around Luna’s figure. (that was beatiful).

Eek she has met her future husband *swoons*. Ooo i wonder how they figure out they love each :-D.

Great Story!
Silverstarletworld89

Author Response

Thank you.  You can't even imagine how much that means to me.  Luna is such a visual creature; I've tried very hard to convey this part of her characterization in the style of writing.  And -sigh- Rolf.  He's a sweetheart.  I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out. 

Thank you again!
Melissa

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