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Hi again! Wow, so much happens in this chapter that I hardly know where to start! Cepheus seems like a good enough place: ugh. You did a great job of choosing a name as pretentious as he is. I really felt for Audrey...but luckily Percy came along! 

This chapter is where I really start to fall in love with him (haha, it didn't take long!) He's so precious and awkward here, and you do a great job of showing that he isn't just a Ministry drone. He's a decent guy who likes to talk Quidditch with his friends, and is willing to apologize when he's done something wrong. I love that you've made him well-rounded without diminishing his Percy-ish qualities. That's kind of a trick to do, and you pull it off flawlessly!

The scene with Vivian at the beginning was great also, and I loved seeing their relationship at its best. Audrey is great at consoling her and taking her dramatics in stride, and Vivian is just so much fun to read :)

Another great chapter! I'm on to the next :)

Author Response

Ah, we see Percy in a more shy characterization, which is what I would assume he would be like.  He has such humble beginnings, being part of the Weasley's and all... and it seems to fit him.  I'm so glad that he apologized to her. 

And Cepheus, yikes.  Was he a Slytherin?  Seems like it.  I loved how you described what he breathed and ate for breakfast.  Hilarious and very creative.

You are doing an excellent job at characterizations for every character that you have introduced so far.

I'm liking your story more and more as I read along.

Great job!
Dark Whisper

Author Response

Love Love Love
What a wonderful original character and such an excellent of good old Perce the woefully neglected Weasley.

Author Response

If I didn't already have a b/f why do I have the feeling that would happen to me? lol j/k, I've been a bit more confident than that lol. Still it seemed perfect for a pair like Audrey and Percy :) Especially his awkward apology lol, that was really cute, can't wait for more awkward cuteness!

Author Response

You know, it is so difficult to come by a well written HPFF. Most people either just clearly aren't good writers, or they exaggerate the romances to the point of absurdity, or the plot is just... well, the word 'unrealistic' is a bit of a silly one to use in the Harry Potter world, but I think you get my drift.

This story, however, was incredibly appealing from the first couple of paragraphs, just because of the beauty of the way you write. And of course your ability to develop an interesting, many-sided character in the first chapter.

I find it especially impressive because I have never liked Percy. And I always imagined Audrey to be somewhat Percy-ish and annoying. You have not yet introduced any of my favorite characters, or any characters that I even like (I'm referring to characters from the Canon of course - I absolutely love Darcy), unless you count the brief mention of Harry and Ron in this chapter.

And yet it is a really good story. You've shown us some truly interesting aspects of two characters who you are obviously going to be able to develop nicely, and yet it does not look like it's going to turn into one of those ridiculously overdone love stories.

So definitely, props to you. I can't believe I'm reading a Percy-Audrey fic, and much less that I'm enjoying it so much. Keep the updates coming :)

Author Response

i like this point of view.. :) you are doing a good job.seriously!

Author Response

I only just started reading this story today, and I have to admit that I loved it from the first paragraph. 

I like the way you write Audrey and that you've given her a character. I always imagined her as quite plain and boring, sort of how I used to imagine Percy, but now I don't. And speaking of Percy, I love the way you write him too. Percy suddenly seems much more interesting than he did throughout the books. I want to know more about him, he seems more mysterious and his personality already seems more diverse.

I like your writing style a lot too, you use a wide range of vocabulary, which makes the story even more gripping.  I enjoy reading it from Audrey's perspective.

My person favorite bit of this chapter is when Darcy said "And he’s so thin – I wonder if his mum forgot to feed him"

As if Molly Weasley would forget to feed her children.

I'm going to carry on reading now.

Author Response

Thank you so much for this great review.  I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond.

I think the tendency with most people who write Percy/Audrey is to make Audrey into either an exact copy of Percy or his exact opposite, and neither of those characterizations ever worked for me.

And as for Percy - he is one of my favorites and I always knew there had to be more to him than meets the eye.  I love being able to give him more depth.

LOL - glad you liked that line.  Oh, irony.

Thank you again!!

I simply LOVE Audrey. Really, I do! She's so... simple. And awkward. Which is lovely.

And her voice is definitely strong. I mean, it's there and present and clear and... gah.

Anyway, you've done a lovely job writing her! I'm so excited to read more!

-Rin

Author Response

Thank you, Rin!!  I am really glad to hear you like Audrey.  I love getting reviews from you, because I admire your writing so much!

xoxo
Melanie

Cepheus, err... Tomlinson?  Ergh.  If that was the reaction you wanted from people, then you certainly got it from me!  I think one of my favorite things about your story is, of course, your characters are so great.  Even the supporting ones.  I feel like I'm peeking into someone else's life a little bit when I read this.

This was my favorite:

"I glanced around at everything and everyone except for the redhead standing next to me, and I saw that Cepheus was, indeed, still standing alone, looking as though he required no company other than himself."

Author Response

Yeah...Tomlinson...hahaha.  I must have been thinking about football (the American kind) when I was writing this, because the only time I have ever heard that last name is in reference to LaDainian Tomlinson, of New York Jets fame.

Cepheus was quite fun to write, though.  I guess he's part Lockhart and part McLaggen - two characters I really liked despite how obnoxious they were.  I'm really glad you're enjoying the characters here!

Melanie

Oh. Em. Gee. 

Can you die from squee overload? If its possible, I think you should alert the medics - if this chapter doesn't do me in I'll be a goner by the end of the story.

<i>In all the time he had been at the bar with me, he hadn't even ordered a drink.</i>

*dies* *revives self* *continues with review*

Look at Percy, pursuing Audrey in that awkward, adorable way of his! Not exactly a pro in the flirting department, but it clearly is working for both Audrey and I, so really who am I to complain? The bit where he starts rambling about himself, only to catch himself and cut off what he was saying with "Mondays are rubbish" was just too cute for words. He is clearly trying quite a bit here - when has Percy ever tired of hearing his own voice?? And when he said he was usually the one abandoned during blind dates, I think my heart broke. For real.

What? There was more that went on in this chapter than that 500 squee-fest? Fine. Darcy is just horrible, isn't she? <i>She</i> is the kind of character I was half expecting for Audrey - and I can't tell you enough times how thankful I am that I was wrong there. I enjoy the characterization in someone other than Audrey, though, and Darcy is sure to be entertaining. She actually reminds me strongly of a friend of mine - except, bigger. And Vivi is back! Just when I think I am beginning to get a grasp on her character, you go and throw in purple hair. I have no idea what to do with this information. She just keeps me guessing!

And was Cepheus really inspired by someone's real life experience? <i>Really?</i> That poor girl. XD

Mary

Author Response

I got quite a few squee reactions from this chapter, to my pleasant surprise!  I must be on the right track, eh?  ^_^

He is SO awkward.  I knew he had to be.  He's dated a little bit, but the way I envision him, the only and last serious relationship he had was Penelope Clearwater.  And as sure of himself as he likes to act, he's not exactly a social person.  So I picture him acting like a nervous teenager around someone he likes - though occasionally getting caught up in talking about himself, as you see him doing here.  I think rambling on about things like work is a "safe" thing for him, and he falls back on it when he's uncomfortable - it helps him regain control and all that kind of nonsense.  But I think - going back to the issue of how he's changed post-war - I think he would have learned when to recognize when he's pontificating, and to check himself when he does it.  Not that he bothers to stop most of the time, but with Audrey it's a bit different.

Hahahaha...can you just PICTURE Percy/Darcy?  Good lord.  I think the universe would implode.  That would be messy and ugly.  But Darcy is just plain fun to write, and I know it's somewhat stereotypical or cliche for a character like Audrey to have a friend like Darcy...but in a way, I think it's realistic, as the "opposites attract" scheme really works in a lot of real life friendships.

I am absolutely not kidding about the real life Cepheus.  A good friend of mine was telling me about all these self-centered, materialistic guys she'd been dating (well, she'd been dating investment bankers and the like...what was she expecting??) - and one guy kept showing off his cufflinks when he got the idea that she wasn't really into him.  Like repeatedly: "Did you see these cufflinks?"  I didn't believe her at first.  Who DOES that?  But apparently it did happen.  Poor girl, indeed!

Thanks for another wonderful review!

Melanie

I really like the idea of a percy/audrey story-- very original. Audrey seems characterized well to fit with percy and i'm definitely interested to see where this will go. Thanks so far for a good read (:

Author Response

Thanks for reviewing!  Glad you're enjoying it so far.  I hope to have an update soon.  :-)

"To be fair, he's pretty fit" - I AGREE.
Underneath it, I think Percy's a catch ;)
(Not kidding at ALL, for the record)

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I adore your writing style. Dishy is NOT used enough. I forget about all these words that I've been brought up with since Year 0 now I'm not living at home. I must make a mental note to make a list of them when I'm around my mother.

Audrey's characterisation - you don't need to have any worries. I'm completely in love with her. She's such a darling. She is so natural and, to risk sounding repetitive and unoriginal, human. She makes her mistakes, she has her OTT best friends and awkward meetings. I adore her.

Percy/Audrey conversation. I felt my heart leap, I really did. I'm willing it to happen. I love how awkward it was, the awkwardness that everyone knows and that everyone has experienced at least once. Again - relatable.

Anything I really like? All of it? I'm SO glad Georgia paired us up for the Review Exchange because this would have been kept on my 'Must Read Soon' list for a long time, I expect. As it is, I've fallen completely in love with yet another of your completely breathtakingly amazing stories. I'm not even exaggerating.

Melanie, I absolutely love it and wish I could have given CC but I'd have had to look so hard and that defeats the object, really. 
It's yet another completely amazing story.

xx

Author Response

Yep, Percy is dishy.  You and I may be the only two people who think so, but that doesn't make it any less true.  :-D

I felt there needed to be a lot of awkwardness between them.  Percy is not a Casanova.  Probably has no idea what to do around women most of the time.  Like Ron, only worse because he worries too much what others think of him.  Audrey is very similar to him in that respect - worries too much.

Thanks once again, Rachelle!  Your reviews are wonderful and detailed and encouraging!

xoxo
Melanie

I was reading your story and I love it. I actually didn't like Percy before this but reading your story made me change my opinion. I realized that there weren't any Percy fanfics as such and its great that you came up with this. Good story and I am looking forward to the next update.

Author Response

Hahaha, wow, I changed someone's opinion about Percy?!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

LOL.  I think you just made my day.  I mean, I'm overreacting somewhat, but the reason your review made me so happy, is that I really do want to show readers why Percy can be a likable (and lovable!) person.

Anyway, it might be a few weeks until the next update (have to write it, beta it, and put it in the queue), but I do hope you continue reading!

Thank you!

Ah I love this story. I could've sworn I read and reviewed this chapter, but evidently not. I love love loved the interaction between Percy and Audrey. Love their awkwardness, love the glimpses of Percy's real personality - him talking Quidditch! I'd forgotten he was a Quidditch fan at Hogwarts too. I thought this was very well done.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but I love how you capture the whimsy and the magic of the Potterverse. It's like sliding into a warm bath filled with bubbles. Nothing but love! 10/10

Author Response

Thank you so much!  Your reviews seriously mean the world to me, since I am in love with your writing.

I am having a lot of fun showing how Percy, awkward and nerdy as he is, is actually a real human being.  I think his appreciation of Quidditch makes him more relatable, and I did keep in mind those times when he was very invested in matches at Hogwarts.  In fact, just today I stayed home sick from work and I was re-reading Prisoner of Azkaban - and I came across a line about Percy, at the end of a match, jumping around like a lunatic, all dignity forgotten.  And this is why I love him.  XD

Thank you again!

well, this is the second story of yours I've read and I must say that you are indeed a very talented writer :) 
I think the tone of the story is perfect, the subtle humor makes it a delightful read. I also feel that you've created a very intriguing, but nonetheless relatable character out of Audrey... her mild, rule abiding manner is something I would definitely know a thing or two about and I swear you could have taken one my qualms and written it out when you had her dwelling over whether or not her temperament was holding her back!! 
I can't wait to read more of this story... given their rocky start, I'd love to see how Audrey and Percy will finally come together :)

Author Response

Thank you very much!

I'm very happy to know you can relate to Audrey in several ways!  I hoped to make her a realistic, sympathetic character, though I know she's not your typical extroverted narrator.

Thanks for the review!  Hope you enjoy future chapters!

Wow.
Okay, I love this story.
I have a secret spot in my heart for Percy, and there are so few fics about him, that I was thrilled when I found your's! I really like the character of Audrey and her sister, Vivian. Keep up the good work, and update soon (please?) :)

Author Response

I also have a soft spot for Percy (though not so secret, haha).  He may just be my second-favorite Weasley boy (after Ron, of course).  ^_^

Thanks for your review!  I will try to update as soon as possible.

I can't wait to read more. You've done a good job with Audrey's characterization. Everything's good. I'm so glad that you decided to do a fic about Audrey/Percy! I've been wanting to read one for a while!

Author Response

Thanks for your review!

Haha, well this story is wonderful so far!  I like how you weave in funny lines instead of making them out right - it makes them funnier!

In terms of Audrey, I like how you've characterized her as a kind of unsure girl, lacking self-confidence and all that.  It makes sense for her to seem so insecure since she's surrounded by people like Vivian and Darcy who are so outgoing and self-confident.  That being said, I think the fact that she is close with people who are so sure of themselves shows that she's not totally insecure, just that she doesn't know how to show it as well as they do.

I don't remember if I said this in my last review, but I like how you're keeping Percy, still percy-like.  He's still the workaholic, ambition-driven Percy we've always known him for!  But I like that I got to see how he's changed in this chapter also.  Gained some morals - enough to go up to Audrey and apologize for being a crazy man!

I think its funny and really really cute how you're making them such awkward turtles!  And that part where Percy says that he usually ends up like Cepheus!  I couldn't stop laughing!  I can definitely see them becoming friends -- once they stop being awkward around each other, that is!

Crazy adorable.  Loving it!

Author Response

Thanks for the review, Katrina!  Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.

Thanks for your comments on Audrey's and Percy's characterization.  Yes, they are quite awkward (it's so much fun to write!) but hopefully their personality quirks will eventually mesh.  ^_^

Thanks again!  Slowly plugging away at the next chapter!

Melanie

I like this story. It's so intriguing. I'm a fan of your other works and it just amazes me that you can write such a wide variety of stories and pull it off so well! Simply amazing!

In concern with this story, I do love the angle you chose to take with Audrey. Considering what we know of Percy, it just seems so fitting. Audrey's characterization is perfect, too. She looks like she'll be able to offset Percy at just the right degree. She's consistent on how she acts and what she feels, which I really like. I'm interested to see how this story progresses (:

You're doing amazing. Keep up your brilliant writing, not just on this story, but all of them! Can't wait to read more :D

Author Response

Thanks for reviewing this!  I am so flattered by your comments on my writing.  ^_^

I'm happy to hear you think Audrey fits Percy.  I did a lot of thinking about what kind of girl would be good for him...and I don't think I've ever seen Audrey written this way, so hopefully it will continue to be interesting.

I really appreciate your reviews!

"He seemed much more decent than anybody gave him credit for."

So true about Percy. I personally always quite liked him. I thought he was funny, and I also reckon it took a lot of guts for him to come back and apologise to his whole family for being wrong (considering he's a proud fellow:D) and then go and do a terrifying battle! :D

Anyway, enough on my views on Percy! :D Onto your story...

Audrey's voice is seamless, and her character is perfectly consistent. It's one of those stories where I forget I'm actually reading something, and it feels like I'm in standing as the character... if that makes sense... the way the scene is described and the atmosphere with all the other characters you've invented buzzing around makes it all very real and imaginable, so it feels like I'm standing in it! 

I hope that made sense! 

Lots of little moments in this made me smile, like Cepheus's monologue, and also Percy complaining about his Monday before saying "Um...well... Monday's are rubbish." I just found that very endearing, and very Percy... as he seems somewhat socially awkward on occassion. :D I like how Percy's appearances in each chapter become more significant, showing tantalising little glimpses of him that makes you want to see more from him. It keeps me hooked, and also turns him into an important character... as I suspect he'll become! :D

Audrey's character is lovely! So different from the type of person that most would expect Percy to fall for eg. obsessed with rules, snobby, boring etc. Her shyness and awkwardness is very sweet, and makes me really like her! She's wonderfully original and she feels like a real person, rather than someone you've created. (I think I've said this before, but I want to say it again :D) Your characters are probably one of the best points about your stories, as they're all so unique and wonderfully portrayed. 

I write such long reviews!!! And when I read them back over they always seem so cheesy... ah well, I hope you don't mind them. :D 

10/10

Author Response

Thank you for your review!!  I love your reviews, and they are NEVER cheesy.  ^_^

Thanks for your comments on Audrey's character.  I'm glad you're able to feel like you're a part of the story.

I also find Percy's social awkwardness endearing.  I also wanted to hint at the fact that he realizes when he's being over-the-top...like he was able to stop himself in the middle of his pompous rant, and he was embarrassed by his behavior.

Thank you again!  I appreciate it so much.  ^_^

Melanie

CUTECUTECUTE.

I adore Audrey! She's so sweet and lovely; honestly, she's possibly my favourite character EVER. Well, at least of the sweet characters you have no choice but to love.

And ARGH PERCY! I am sooo in love with him. That conversation they had--so awkward! Ahh, he's adorable. And that Cepheus Tomlinson was a complete prat. Ughh.

I'm so in love with this story. Brilliant work, Mel!
10/10

Author Response

Thank you, Georgia!  I'm really glad you like Audrey -- you're keeping me so motivated with this story!  *hugs*

Percy is so lovable.  Soon the whole world will see this!

Cepheus, hahaha.  Can you believe he was actually inspired by a real person?

Thank you for another great review!  I can always count on you for serious encouragement.  ^_^

Melanie

I love Audrey, she is just the opposite of Percy which is perfect.  I hope this story continues to be good, but please don't draw it out too long because then it will be boring.  At the moment its going at a good pace.  Thanks very much!

Author Response

Hopefully it won't drag too much, definitely.  The next chapter will push the plot forward a bit further and get things rolling between Percy and Audrey.  ^_^  But that;s all I can say on that matter! 

Thanks for the review!

cepheus tomlinson? are you serious? what a t0ol (not sure if i can say that in reviews)
percy was sooo cute! he's all blushing, and shy, and sorry. he kind of reminds of how he was in harry's third year. :D
and you can totally see the attraction between audrey and percy. it's very easy to think that they met like this
looking forward to more!
10/10

Author Response

Hahaha, yes.  That is exactly what he is.  Even better that he was inspired by an actual person, huh?

Percy IS cute, I agree wholeheartedly.  I think that underneath his facade, he's very unsure of himself.

Thanks for the review!

Once again, I feel incredibly awkward because this story is so realistic, and these fateful, embarrassing sorts of things do happen (to me).  XD  Oh gosh, it was so perfect when Percy was there and he caught her eye!  Even more was the use of the word "mortified" - it's a word that's been going through my head too often this week, so seeing it here was awesome.  I didn't expect him to approach her later on, but it was very sweet of him, revealing a softer side to his character that makes him more "romantic" in a way.  But I loved Darcy's line about abandoning Cepheus to chat up Percy Weasley.  The combination of realism and humour in this story makes it a brilliant read for sure.

You asked about Audrey's characterization and I think her quite a genuine sort of character.  She has her faults, but isn't overdone in any way.  She seems like a very normal twenty-something nerdy girl.  :P  There is a bit of cliche, though, in her friendship with Darcy - it seems that girls like Audrey <i>always</i> have friends like Darcy (I'm thinking Bridget Jones as an example, though she's a more exaggerated version of Audrey, to be certain).  But the way that Audrey interacts with Percy sets the story outside of cliche - they started off poorly, but he doesn't hate her and she doesn't hate him.  It's awkwardness all round, and while I still get the feeling that they're "destined" for each other, I can't see how you're going to get to that point in the story yet (which is a good thing, since too many romances are obvious, especially when they're hate-hate).  Perhaps they'll be a friendship between them, or you might include more awkward scenes in which they're thrown together - it's up in the air right now, which is excellent.  All in all, I don't think you should change anything major - the story is moving along really well, and it's extremely enjoyable to read.  :D

Author Response

Hi Susan!  Thanks for the review!

Awkwardness definitely abounds in this chapter.  I really believe that underneath Percy's exterior, there's an awkward guy who doesn't exactly know where he belongs, or if he belongs at all.

I can see the cliche-ness you're referring to with Audrey and Darcy.  The reason I wrote Darcy that way, is that I've noticed friendships between introverts and extroverts tend to work very well, and I've seen a lot of friendships very similar to Audrey and Darcy, so I based the characters on those RL observations.  But I suppose the fact that it's so realistic and common, is part of what makes it cliche to begin with.

I was totally surprised to hear Audrey compared to Bridget Jones at first!  But then I thought about it and took a step back, and I think I see what you mean, especially since you said Bridget would be an exaggerated version of Audrey.  I definitely think Audrey is gentler, more capable, and more of a goody-two-shoes than Bridget; and where Bridget is hapless, I think Audrey is just incredibly unsure of herself.  But like I said, I think I can see the similarities now that you've mentioned it.  Both trying to find their place, etc.

I'm glad that I'm able to keep you guessing a bit about how Audrey and Percy will end up together!  I was so worried this would be a predictable piece of rubbish.  But you're right, I haven't really revealed my cards yet.  ^_^  I see Percy and Audrey's relationship evolving in a much different way than most fanfic relationships.  Like you said, there's no love-hate or hate-hate, and that's because I doubt Percy would respond well to that kind of dynamic.  I also don't see him as a love-at-first-sight, full of passion kind of guy (I can't imagine anyone else does, either).  So they will be walking a line somewhere in the middle, and I hope you enjoy where their story goes next!

Thanks so much for your reviews, Susan!  They're very motivating and encouraging.

Melanie

First review!

Melanie, I love this story more and more with every chapter. I haven't read a lot of your stuff and everyone raves about it, but I feel like this story is right up my street. It's simply wonderful.

I thought the scene between Vivian and Audrey at the start of the chapter was lovely, and their characters are really starting to flourish within the story. They get on very well as sisters and they've got enough similarities to show family resemblance, whilst still being undeniably themselves. 

Audrey is an absolute pleasure to read. Her characterisation is out of this world. She could so easily be portrayed as boring and dowdy, but you pull off her personality with such style and finesse. She's easy to relate to and seems like one of the genuinely good people in the world. Vivian is also really kind, but slightly more confident about herself and her abilities than Audrey. They're both fab.

I loved our encounter with Darcy-she's exactly how I imagined her to be and I laughed all the more at Cepheus because it came from a RL experience. Your poor friend! Brilliant name as well, very HP.

AND PERCY! The Percy/Audrey interaction was... inexplicably good. There are NO words. You're leading me down the path of being attracted to Percy and while this is scaring me, I don't care because he's beginning to seem really fit. The P/A moments were adorable in the best sense of the word. Like Jack/Georgia. THAT ADORABLE. Percy is so in character and when he was blushing I wanted to hug him!

This story is wonderful! You are wonderful! ILY!
Jane

Author Response

Thank you, Jane!

I'm so glad you're enjoying this story so much.  It's really fun to write, and I'm glad you like Audrey.  "Genuinely good" is a good way to describe her, and it's exactly how I think of her.  You seem to be seeing Audrey's character exactly as I see her, which must mean I'm doing an alright job of writing her!  ^_^

Darcy is total love.  I think she has the kind of blunt honesty everyone secretly wishes they could have, but are also a bit afraid of.

And, oh yes, the RL Cepheus experience.  My friend (who is rather cynical of men trying to hit on her) had this experience where this guy was trying to hard to impress her that he started showing off his cufflinks.  His CUFFLINKS, for heaven's sake!  It seemed he thought his fancy accessories would really get her interested or something.  She is full of excellent dating stories.

And hahahaha!  It makes me so happy that you're already starting to see Percy as even remotely attractive.  That is one of my main goals with this story -- to make readers see how someone could fall in love with him, and maybe even make a few readers fall in love themselves.  I'm flattered that you've compared it to Jack/Georgia, because everyone knows that is the most adorable, passionate, and yet angelic ship ever  (ROFL).

ILY too!  Thanks for reviewing!

xoxo
Melanie

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