Interesting little story you have here, I really love the idea at the end that they diary was actually Myrtle's. I thought it was pretty good, save there were some grammar error's and one canon error in that I do believe Myrtle was killed coming out of a stall but that's a minor detail really.
'The interruption didn't seem to bother neither of them.' - either of them
"Where exactly? Where? - It took her a few seconds to pursue an idea, her excitement relevant through her vocals, Oh! I know...the girl's restroom? Do you know where it is To-?" - This needs to be fixed up because right now it seems like she is actually speaking all of this.
'Already past memories were beginning to weigh heavily on her heartstrings, Myrtle upset on how quickly he made her vulnerable.' - semicolon ; not a comma ,
*Myrtles POV* - You really should avoid changing points of view within a one-shot. Different chapters of a longer story sure, but in shorter ones it can make things really confusing. Especially when you have it Myrtle's pov, third person, Myrtle's pov, and then Tom's pov. The bit with Tom at the end is especially difficult because who the 'I' is referring to switches without any notice or indication. Sorry but a line break doesn't really work as people most often use those to change scene so a change in pov is not readily apparent. Personally I think the whole thing should be done in Myrtle's pov as it would seem more tragic that way... but that's just me :)
'Oh how upset he made me, the heat radiating beneath my skin as all I only wanted to have was a perfect night!' - One: this needs to be separated because the first part is a thought and the rest is not (or at least it doesn't seem like one to me). Pretty much the same issue as the talking bit above. And two: all I only wanted is a rather redundant phrase. All I wanted or I only wanted is all you need.
'A perfect night that he was already becoming ruined!' - This sentence reads as you saying he (Oliver) is a perfect night that got ruined. I doubt that's what you meant but right now it makes little sense.
'a result from the tears that would not cease its curse.' - The use of 's' on tears makes it plural so it should be their instead of its.
'Myrtle's corpse lied peacefully if one were to see it for the first time' - laid peacefully, lied is for sentences like "you lied to me."
Grammar errors or not (no worries, everyone has them), it was a good story even if you don't like the ship. That's usually the best way to practice writing, doing it on a topic you don't particularly like but still want to do good on. So keep up the good work!
Author's Response: This is one of the greatest reviews I have received in a long time. Thank you VERY MUCH for your critique! It means a lot to put that much effort to help my writing.
Ok, so it took me a bit longer to read this then I thought hehe but no worries I just got done and greatly enjoyed it. I think it's a wonderful continuation of Solace. I especially like how kissing Rose makes Teddy feel like he is surfacing; so many people do it the other way around but I much prefer your way :)
I feel bad for Teddy having to go through all that, its such a hard place to be in, but I think you did a great job conveying the feelings that go along with it. On both sides too, for Rose and Teddy. This fic is oozing with drama and yet one doesn't even really notice it until they pull back a little and look at things as a whole. That's the way drama should be, subtle, building just even to move things forward but not enough for you to notice it weaving a web.
Nice work hun!
Author's Response: oh thank you! i was worried about that - the usual metaphor focuses on drowning, esp in a situation like this, but i didn't like that. i needed this to be mildly positive, considering he was leaving one woman for another. i am pleased that it worked!!
wow thank you. what a lovely compliment!! I am really pleased you liked this!!
I love the idea of the stars 'applauding' at the end and how you worked it in there, wonderful. Since I am not much for Next Gen, this is a new ship for me. Yet, the scenario you wrote for them is so universal that not knowing the ship -or liking it one way or the other- doesn't seem to matter. It's a story that can speak to everyone, which is great because so many stories are based too much just on the ship itself.
Even if I didn't plan on reading all your stories, this would still make me want to read the sequel - which is where I am off to now!
Author's Response: hey there!
thanks so much for yet another lovely review!! i really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my little fics xD
that was sort of what i wanted for this - for the story to be one where characters can be interchangeable, because it could be anyone in this situation. im glad you picked up on that.
I am quite happy that you added a little "old world" magic into this; there aren't many around and it makes this something even more special. It's a wonderfully tragic story, hitting all the right buttons, and left me feeling like I had just read a story about actual magic and not the HP kind of magic. Does that make sense? And I hope that's not too insulting to HP magic lol
Either way, another enjoyable -albeit sad- story my dear! Keep up the fantastic work!
Author's Response: thank you hun - I am really pleased you liked this, and that you appreciated the old world magic in here.
it makes total sense, as that was what I was thinking when I wrote this - the old magic was the way for Astoria to see him again, because she knew he would come. I see this magic as actual magic as well - not the part about the goddess appearing in the flesh, but the connection the old magic has to the world around it. one could not work without the other, you know?
thank you once again for another lovely review!!
Wonderful ending, really perfect. And the story was great too, it was a good "missing moment" from the stories. To think that something like this happened to Remus after they died is just awful because we know him, but the sad fact is that something like this probably would happen. But, like I said, you did a really great job of wrapping it up properly at the end. Its real easy to see who the monster is here. :P
Why are you dong this? - doing
his would be too easy. - this
send a shiver than anyone’s spine - down
as painful death as possible. - as painful a death
Yes, certainly out of character but there was something in the first part that still seemed very much like him that it almost worked. Either way I think it you did a good job :)
Leave it to the Malfoy's to screw things up for everyone lol sweet story. Would be awesome if it was true ;)
This is one of those stories that a) is completely loyal to what he would have been feeling, b) leaves you feeling the exact same way, and c) makes you want to jump up and hug those you love and remind them how much you care cause you know nothing can last forever. You can't NOT be upset at the end of this, which is something to be proud of as strange as that sounds. The emotion, the thoughts, everything comes through so beautifully that you can't help but taking it all in and feeling the same way. Stream of consciousness or broken, its exactly what it needs to be.
'Despair wore a black cape and laughed when he tripped us up. He painted lines on our faces, worries in our smiles and shortened our tempers.' and 'The way the sunlight caught on the red of her hair, painting her with the fire I knew existed in her soul.' - two more shining examples of your mastery of words and imagery.
Author's Response: hey hun
i am so sorry it has taken so long for me to respond to this wonderful review!! I am really pleased you liked it and wow, thanks for the compliments!!
i don't know what else to say!!
God this makes me want you to turn this idea into some long novel or something lol I would love to see the inner minds of all three as this plays out over the years.
"A horse on his carousel, with a painted face and expressionless eyes. I wait and rock slowly.
I can dance too, you know." - this was so incredibly creepy xD I got goosebumps!
Truly fantastic piece, poetically creepy - which, because this is the first Alecto piece I have ever read, is now going to be the way I see her forever hehe
This is the kind of emotionally dark character writing that really shows the author knows how to write a character, that they really get those feelings that more people just skirt around. You might not understand where it comes from (which seems to be a sentiment you have about most of your fics haha) but your brain gets it and is able to put it done just the way it needs to be. Short or long, your fics speak volumes; that love of psychology really shows :)
Author's Response: hello again!!
thank you - I am really pleased you liked this piece of weirdness xD
oh i think i'd go mad if i tried to turn this into something longer. i had an Alecto based short story a while ago, but i couldn't keep with it - it was hard!! so i deleted it to preserve my sanity, lol
lol, i don't know where some of these ideas come from - they just appear and are there and force me to do something with them. maybe it's a good thing that I don't know where they arise from...
thank you hun!! i really appreciate all your wonderful reviews!
Another example of your poetic writing that I like so much :) So many lines in here that I just adore; 'The drumming, the tapping, rests in her and so she dances' and 'she did not expect to find him with an armful of fire and his lips on someone else’s' to list a couple. Certainly every word counts, but not simply because of the word count. Each word adds to and builds the wonderful imagery you've created and I am sure I am not the only one left going 'wow.'
Author's Response: hi there
thank you so much hun! i have no idea what to say in response to this review other than I am really pleased you enjoyed it and thank you again for the lovely review!!
I love how you inlaid the poem with the story, and the last bit was worded wonderfully! Great job!
The whole continuation, the lineage, of Fenrir's tale into Darrion's is brilliant. Everything is weaved together just right, with not a stitch out of place. This story was fantastic and I adore the history you have given one of my favorite characters. You really should write more chaptered stories hun... then again you should just write more period lol cause your so good at it :D
You certainly know how to build suspense and write horror that's for darn sure, This chapter was creepy x3 I don't know if I want to read the next one just yet lol I am actually scared xD
God this is so reminiscent of reading a Fear Street Sagas novel (which I adore!) or something lol and of course the whole "son sitting in the middle covered in blood" immediately reminded me of Dexter. But all that just combined with your wonderful storytelling and made a great chapter. All the elements were there and in the exact right places, excellent work love!
Oh I do love how you set a scene. The whole prologue is just perfect and ends on the perfect moment. I honestly can't see anyone NOT wanting to keep reading :P Which is exactly what I am going to do...
A little moral lesson for Dolohov this time hmm? I love the ending (I always do don't I?), how he remembers all the moments where he so enjoyed himself and then he realizes the suffering it will now cause him. Well, sorry Antonin, but that's how it works :P Great story hun and I think you did a great job depicting the character and scene.
"I will kill you. And you will deserve it." - I wouldn't expect anything else from him than to think something like that hehe
I do so love how you write the baddies hehe you're so very good at capturing what it is that makes them who they are. Its not like trying to read a story about Voldemort where "oh all he needs is a little love" xP god I hate that. Bad guys should be bad, they should be the better hunter, they should be merciless and love it. And I should get to reading your next fic xD
Blaise just can't get any love from you can he? First Hide and now this, you're really mean to him you know x3 Either way, this was a fantastic story and I adore this song and it's use here. Truly wonderful job my dear. I especially love that you didn't describe him killing her and just said "and made his decision." It was much more powerful; the ending was just perfect.
"without having the bear the burden" - having to bear
"stinging far more then the slap" - more than
"it fuelled him" - fueled
"Only then did she turn to face them" - to face him
"He swallowed, his eyes locking onto hers; both pairs brown, one set sensitive and afraid, the other set angry and conflicted." - my favorite bit, the way you describe them starring into each others eyes in that moment is perfect.
This was a really sweet piece hun (just the thing I needed after 'Hide' lol). It was a rare glimpse into Minerva's character for me and I love the history you gave her :)
You did, however, make some grammar errors! don-don-don!!! xD
"breathing in a deep side of relief." - sigh of relief... side of relief? is that like a side of french fries?
"the Black Lake" - you don't capitalize it in one sentence and then in another you do :P make up your mind!
"yet the traditions had never altered.
The Hogwarts Express" - I think your missing a space between paragraphs here.
"Something that filled her with warm and removed her feeling of trepidation." - filled her with warmth
"brushing a strand of her brown hand away from her forehead" - her hair is made of hands? ;)
"the moon had chosen to risen" - the moon had chosen to rise or the moon had risen
"casting the world into hues of midnight blues." - I added this one just because I loved it :D
"she rose from her position on the walling" - on the wall
"she took a last look at setting" - at the setting
Silly stuff, nothing big, although the hand as hair one did amuse me xD Keep up the great work hun!
Aww I feel so bad for Blaise and Draco is an ass, Blaise can do better ^_^ Wonderful work hun!
"flung himself to the floor, crying out in anger and sorrow. Beating his fist against the wall" - is he laying on the floor or banging on the wall? :P
He is Antonin Dolohov and you, my dear, know just how to write him ;)
Ah good times xD Nice little piece of fluff hun hehe
"Oh, that's a cool name - Antonin Dolohov" - couldn't help yourself could you ;)
Another great story hun!
"Note, agreeing with your self is always a good idea, especially if you are asking yourself questions." - true hehe
Ah I adore this fantastic story just as I adore you my dear hehe now get to work and finish the last two! (While I go off and read the other one xD)
Lovely story and I greatly enjoyed it, especially the end :)
"The room was dark and cold, just the way he liked it and after he'd closed the door, he relaxed." - I believe there is supposed to be a comma after 'it'.
"He terrified his subjects to such a point where they knew that their death was ensured dare they disobey him." - love this line :)
"Pausing, he stretched himself, cracking his back and neck. With a sneer at the humanity of his bones, he glared around the room at nothing in particular. There was nothing to glare at, no pictures or portraits, nothing of the sort." - This is a great bit. I love the part about 'the humanity of his bones' and the next bit about him not having anything to glare at just adds so much more to that whole lack of humanity. Well done!
"The room that held it was perfectly round, made of curved, hard, stones and there was nothing there, but it, the Mirror of Erised." - great line!
"giving out so-called words of wisdom that made the boy stand strong in the face of Lord Voldemort." - another great line :)