Hi there! So I've read this first chapter two days ago but didn't have time to leave a review... and it bugged me that I didn't, because it really deserves more reviews.
I really loved the setting of the chapter and your descriptions made the scene come to live very nicely. Cornelia is a likeable protagonist and I rooted for her from the very beginning. I do have a soft spot for reluctant pureblood characters with complicated family backgrounds so I was instantly hooked :).
Congratualtions on a great first chapter! I will definitely come back for the next one :) Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the kind review!! It certainly gives me all the encouragement I need to keep writing. Thank you so much for reviewing!
So I've been wanting to give this story a go for ages :). This was a great first chapter... Cassie seems like a very strong lead and a relatable character. I do love her best friend's obsession with nail polish... I can relate so much to that haha.
I really enjoyed this first chapter and I think you've got a lot of talent... and, just on a side note because I came accross it in your comment section and because I really want you to know, I don't feel like you copied from How not to be a Woodley AT ALL.
That being said, keep up the good work! :)
Author's Response: :) Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot to get feedback/words of encouragement from writers I admire (you're part of that list if it wasn't obvious!). The nail polish obsession is actually based on one of my best friends lol so I'm glad you can relate.
Thanks so much for the kind compliment! And it makes me extremely happy to hear you don't think I copied your work. I'd never, ever want to do that!
Okay why doesn't this have more reviews??? Seriously. It should have a million.
Like I said in my review on The Cliché Life, you are an amazing writer and I enjoy reading your stories immensely. The scenes you create come to life easily and effortlessly, and I enjoy every sentence of them :)
I have a soft spot for the Hades and Persephone myth and I really think you did a very nice job implementing it in the HP universe. Also, the feelings Hermione/Persephone has towards Tom/Hades are SO WELL portrayed… I literally could feel her internal struggle, being both repulsed and attracted to this strange god.
This is another brilliant piece of writing! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Hello :)
Aw, that's so sweet! It genuinely means a lot to me to hear that from you, especially because this is what I affectionately refer to as Weird Fic since I know it's a little... out there. [Maybe that's why it doesn't have more reviews? ;) ]
Seriously, all of these comments are just making blush [cough do go on cough]. But no, I'm really glad I've managed to pull this off because this really is a weird fic. The Hades/Persephone myth is a really interesting one and to substitute the characters into it, especially these characters in particular, meant that I had to portray them very carefully. What I mean to say is, THANK YOU. I was so worried that Tom and Hermione were going to come off as a bit... awkward? Like an awkward fit? I don't know, but everything you mentioned was what I was trying to get across so it's great to know it worked. :D
Thank you for the brilliant review!
OK. I need to breathe.
This was truly AMAZING!
I can't remember the last time I have completely fallen in love with a story on HPFF after only one paragraph.
First of all, you are a fantastic writer; the story moves so easily, propelling itself with a flow that feels so natural and realistic. Also, you do have quite a way with words and I love the banter between Al and Cassia... the sexual tension between them was positively tangible and I rooted for them right away :)
I do love clichés and I think they don't deserve all the bad press they receive... your story is living proof for that! Love-hate relationships are my guilty pleasure and you executed the plot beautifully!
Also, can I just say that even in so few paragraphs you have managed to create three-dimensional characters with Al and Cassia, which is something many writers can’t accomplish within an entire novel.
Actually, my only issue with the story is that it's a one-shot ;) But that is completely beside the point.
Again, this is a wonderful piece of writing and I’m glad I stumbled across it! Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Hey!
Oh my God, you're so sweet. You have no idea how happy this review made me. I'm so happy that you liked this one shot since the concept of it is really special to me and it has a soft spot in my heart.
I have literally been planning the sexual tension between Al and Cassia for years.
Yeah, cliches can be so great when you work them properly. Who cares about the bad rep if the stories themselves are so phenomenal?
Seriously, I can't stop smiling. This was such a wonderful review, you're such a sweetheart.
(By the way, I have been meaning to check out your fic for months now. It's on my Summer To Read List - can't wait!)
I LOVE Lucy! (That's an old TV show, isn't it?) But I really really do! She is such an amazing character and I love that she is part of this and, for once, not Rose!
Such an amazing story! Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Yes, it is an old TV show - though I've never actually seen it.
I love Lucy, too, I needed someone equally creative and cynical and I think Lucy really owns that. I couldn't have Rose involved, I don't think she's got the right temperament (or the balls) to do what they're doing.
Thank you for reviewing. It means so much.
Oh, Kreacher's still alive! I love this... I always wondered if he had survived the Battle of Hogwarts.
Another fantastic chapter - I already love Kelly even though I don't know much about her... she seems like a great OC! Ah and James II, he'S my all-time favourite next gen character and I think you're writing him splendidly. Especially the line “Too bad I’m only good for my looks" made me chuckle :).
Author's Response: More of both James and Kelly to come - one of the up coming chapters is mostly interaction between the two of them, something I love writing, honestly.
So I've seen this story a couple of times before and I've finally clicked on it and I have to say, it's amazing! The plot is original and you write very fluently and well. Also, I love the character descriptions!!!
It's actually shocking that you haven't received a lot more comments on this story and I'm going to leave one for each chapter because, unfortunately, many readers only go by review numbers. I hope you're not discouraged by this because it's a great story and I hope to read many more amazing chapters! 10/10
Author's Response: :):):):):):):):):):):)
Seriously, you deserve so many more reviews for this awesome story! I already said it in an earlier review, but the way you write is simply amazing - not only plot-wise (which is so thought-out and thrilling) but also your writing-style; the way you tell Rose's story really makes everything come to live; I can see it all in my mind - the way she tries to hush up the strange episodes when her old self starts talking to her, how she can't figure out what kind of ice cream to get, how she tries to cope with simple, everyday things... ahh, I could go on forever.
You are seriously awesome. I just wanted you to know this. :) Thanks for writing this story.
This is seriously awesome! I am only on chapter two and I'm already hooked. First of all, the story-line is amazing! It's so intriguing and different and captivating. I really like how you write Rose and how we get her limited first-person narration which makes this whole thing so perfectly mysterious.
Also, I just have to say it, you are an amazing writer; I love your style. Your descriptions are wonderful and detailed and I literally cannot stop reading.
Author's Response: Mysterious yes! I don't think I had any clue what I was getting myself into when I decided to make this a mystery. I think my brain may have melted down a time or two in the process, but i'm glad that its working :D. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. Your kind words mean to world to me and have given me a kick in the rear to keep working on chapter six. Please keep being awesome! -Liza (Adaire)
OK, first of all, this is a really amazing story and you are a great writer! There is a nice flow to the story and I particularly enjoy the flashbacks. I also think you have created a very likable OC with Hannah; and Bell, well she’s just so interesting to read about… kind of like the girl you loved to hate in school… irresistibly glamorous but cruel. I think she’s my favourite character at the moment, not in terms of likability, of course, but the scenes with her are so good!
Also – and this might sound super weird – you are not only a good writer, you also have good grammar and spelling, which, to me, is such an important factor for liking a story. Stories riddled with mistakes, no matter how good they are, just put me off. There is just one tiny thing, and I’m not even sure it’s a mistake and I feel mean for even mentioning it when your story is so perfect... but sometimes you separate words with a slash, like “she sighed/groaned” (I’m not sure this is exactly the sentence) when you wouldn’t have to.. in this example, “groan” alone would just be fine, for instance. But maybe I’m completely wrong here :)
I really like how everyone (OCs and Canon Characters) are portrayed in the story… of course, there are so many Weasleys and Potters that it is hard to keep track and I applaud you for trying to incorporate all of them. The only person that puts me off right now is James. He is so whiney and definitely needs to man up and stop blaming everybody around him and lashing out on random pieces of furniture. But I think this is intentional and you definitely know where you are going with the story, so I’m not going to complain about this.
Thank you for writing this awesome story! I enjoy every sentence of it. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank. You. So. Much.
Seriously, you just made my day! I really love reviews like these--and the people who can give constructive criticism--sometimes, I really need people to tell me when something isn't working.
I will definitely go back and look at the sighed/groaned piece you are referring to. It probably won't be updated soon, but I'm slowly copy-editing individual chapters per suggestions in reviews to make them better. I so very much appreciate you pointing this out.
Sometimes, I get confused with who I gave what personality traits (I have a huge word document with personality traits [a la Sims 3 style] and just some background info to make things easier).
Yes, James is so whiney right now. I'm working on reeling him back in though. I'm having a bit of trouble because he sort of still doesn't want to. The way I have to do it might change a huge chunk of my outline. :/
Thank you so much for your review!
Hello there! I just stumbled across your story and I'm glad I did. I think you are a very captivating writer! The story line is fun and intriguing and Abigail as a character is really appealing with all her quirks and flaws. I love that she is likeable yet has this manipulative streak :).
Keep up the good work! :)
Author's Response: Hello! I'm so happy you like my story, and Abigail especially. I'm glad you can see both sides of her, I really try to show them both when I'm writing her. Thank you!
I just watned to let you know that I think you have a great stroy line going so far! It's such a great idea to write about the relationship between Lilly and Petunia! I am definitely going to read the following chapters as well!
I really really like the banter between James and Sirius and I love that Petunia isn't necessarily an evil old hag but a pretty girl with a sense of humor. Also the line "Why would you try to take out your wand in front of her?" actually made me laugh out loud! I will be looking out for updates :)
Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you!
This story is my newest project and I really liked writing these characters, so I'm really happy that you liked them!
Thank you so much for the review and for reading TDOHAWITF! (Which is quite a mouth-full, but I'm searching for an alternative...)