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Reading Reviews From Member: DumbledoresArmyOfOne
156 Reviews Found

Review #26, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneDetox: A Break with the Past

23rd September 2013:
Whew! I've been on a Detox marathon for the past couple of nights and you leave THIS as the last chapter. Oh dear, I'm not sure how I'll survive until the next update!

That was probably the best fight scene I've read on this site. Your characterization of Narcissa is so perfect - she's probably my favourite character. Calm, cool and collected, as well as resourceful and deadly. What a woman.

I especially love the line where Narcissa said that if Bellatrix had received that particular heirloom, she would have burned down the whole island.

I love the way you portray Draco as toeing the line. Alcoholic, unstable and with a truly deadly temper, he's also powerful and you've included these redeeming factors that are impossible to ignore. His dedication to his family, his determination and love for his family (and Astoria of course) make him impossible to dismiss as corrupted, without letting us forget his fatal flaws.

But back to my outrage... how could you leave us with a cliffhanger like that? I'll have gone mad by the next update, I really will.

Please continue to be fantastic.

Author's Response: Hi, there!

Sorry about the cliffhanger. Originally, this chapter was supposed to have extended to cover Draco's big showdown with Gamp and the others, but it was already getting long and I had to cut it off somewhere. I'm working on the next one, which should be a doozy!

I'm really glad that you liked the fight scene. They're some of my favorite things to write! I think Narcissa has survived far too much by this point to get flustered in the face of a bunch of rank amateurs like Flint and Goyle. Once she feels like Draco and Lucius have the situation under control for a moment, she digs into her bag of old Black family relics and unleashes a dose of nasty on the conspirators.

Draco has been riding the ragged edge for the past couple of chapters, but things have started to come together in his head at this point. If only he can keep that head attached to his shoulders, he should be in good shape.

I promise to try to turn the next chapter around a bit more quickly, although I feel like work is about to throw me a major curve. We shall see...

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #27, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneWhere The Dust Blows: Crossing Lines

23rd September 2013:
Nadia! Oh my goodness, this story. You break my heart girl, what have you done to my darling Neville?

Okay, so this is one of the most original stories I've seen in a long time. So much mystery and intrigue! I love it!

This Edward, though. He seems eerily similar to a certain metamorphmagus son of a werewolf that we all know and love- don't think I didn't catch Garoux- as in loup-garoux, french for werewolf... sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Okay, so you just dropped that bombshell on us! Harry's dead? Neville killed him? Wat?

The writing is wonderful- crazy good descriptions, I love the bit about Neville's garden ( I love how you've kept some of his defining characteristics, even while changing his fundamental 'side' of good/evil). This seems like a really complex personality you've got going here- with the evident darkness, but still with those elements of light from our original Neville.

I'm so excited to see where this goes!

Amazing chappie!

Author's Response: Gilly!

I honestly don't even know what I've done to Neville.. It's okay, he's still awesome and everything. Just not as.. clean.

I think the challenge I wrote this for really pushed me to be original and forced me to make it as mysterious.

Wait, what? WHOA. THAT IS SO COOL. It means werewolf??? Interesting... Now I feel like changing my plot so it'll fit your theory! :P I was actually going for the type of flower a Garou is.. or am I? ;) You'll have to read and see.

Yes, Harry Potter's dead. I know.

I tried to make this new Neville as believable but also different so I'm so glad you conceived it positively.

Thanks so much for this dear! You are truly wonderful!

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Review #28, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneLemonworld: Coming of Age Novel

22nd September 2013:
Hey, I really like this chapter! Your characterization of Percy made me want to shout at him, which is pretty much what canon Percy inspired in me, so you're on the right path there ;)

I like Lucy a ton already- she seems realistic. Her life didn't magically come together after graduating hogwarts, it's a bit useless actually, and she's nowhere near perfect, so I like being able to see those flaws that make her unique.

It's really funny so far! Great first chapter.

Author's Response: Hey, I really like you! Sorry for the three and a half years too late response, but I appreciate the review all the same.

Yeah, Percy is prat, a couple of lines are taken from the constant lectures my own father gives me - makes me think Percy embodies fathers all over the world.

Thanks! I like Lucy too, adulthood is hard. I'm four years out of high school and nobody my age has their life together, I thought I'd add a bit of realism to the wizarding world.

Anyway, sorry I'm a crap author, thanks for the review, and hopefully I'll be popping out some more chapters.


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Review #29, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneIn Sickness And In Health: The Battle

21st September 2013:
Hi Gracie! I'm here from my review page to give you some feedback on your story!

So this was an extremely dramatic opening chapter! It's interesting how you've swung the battle of Hogwarts to be so different from canon! I like this different premise, but I feel as if you need a bit more introduction and description, especially in the opening paragraph, in order to familiarize the readers with your personal universe. While the chapter was epic, I did feel a bit lost as to the background information regarding the trio- if this disregards DH, why aren't they at school? Where were they before they went to hogwarts?

There was some really good dialogue in here- I especially liked Kingsley's speech before the battle began. It was really well worded and inspirational. One thing I might suggest for you to look over is your pacing. I understand that the quick pacing reflects how fast everything happened in the battle, but I feel as if more detail could be attributed, especially concerning Hermione's feelings in the Malfoy encounter.Also, I was shocked that Harry used the killing curse - this seemed very OOC considering what we know from canon - that he didn't even use Avada Kedavra on Voldemort himself. I'm wondering if that is going anywhere? Will he suffer from guilt or PTSD because of his uncharacteristic actions? I'm interested to see where that goes.

What an ending! Such an evil cliffhanger for the first chapter - what the heck happened to them? I'm really excited to find out!

So I really liked this first chapter and I hope that maybe some of my feedback will help you out. I did notice a few spelling and grammar errors, so you may want to give this a read through or find a quick beta.

Great story, hope you find something in this drabble useful :)

Author's Response: Hi Gilly! Thank you so much for reviewing! I am sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I really do appreciate these! :P

I am glad you enjoyed this chapter! This was by far my weakest chapter, so I am really glad you enjoyed it :) I am looking into including more information and description into this, as I have had many comments about lack of placement and information. So will definitely look into that, and the questions on the trio :)

I was worried about the pacing of this. I felt like I had rushed through, just trying to get to the battle scene and running through details that are important, so will look into that also :)

I have had a few comments about Harry- I am ooing and ahhing about getting rid of it. It comes together in the end but I do know that it makes many unsettled... I'll look into it.

Hehe! Cliffhangers are my thing! I promise there won't be many more. *sly grin*

Your review helped immensely, really! I have had my beta look over this, but there is a lot more I want to do on this chapter than then others so I am taking longer to re-edit and put it back up on here. A new one with changes and more detail/information and better grammar will be up soon! :P

Again, this really was helpful. Thank you :)

Grace :D

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Review #30, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Prologue

11th September 2013:
Hey there!
I'm so, so sorry that this review is so late! I haven't had time to read in a long while.

This is quite the project you've taken on! I can't wait to see how this epic plays out - you have an excellent hook here as far as grabbing my attention goes.

Your writing is very, very good - it seems like you've taken a lot of time to make each sentence and description count - you don't waste words or overdo anything, it's very streamlined. I really enjoy the pacing - it's deliberate without being plodding, and just slow enough that we aren't disoriented, being plunged into this very different world.

Two things I noticed right off the bat. Number one, is tis girl has obviously led a very, very hard life- I'm not just talking about living on the streets and going without food. What mostly struck me is that her immediate reaction to a strange voice is fear, even panic. The insight on people only being nice if they got something in return was also surprising, as well as the sheer loneliness of someone who's only companionship comes from an alley cat.

The second thing is that this girl has a reason to be afraid of magic. When the old woman (cat animagus? Surely it's not McGonagall, with a flamingo hat) pulled out her wand, the girl had both seen one before and was afraid of it. This makes me really curious about her past.

I could go on, but I realize I've rambled for far too long. Fabulous firs chapter- you're a really talented writer!

Author's Response: I TOTALLY understand the not having time to read thing so don't even worry about it. Really.

I know. I'm insane, aren't I. What on earth am I thinking? Glad I've at least hooked you with the start. If I'm going to be writing an epic, it's nice to have readers along for the ride.

Wow, thank you so much! I do try to make my writing the best it can be, although I'll admit to the occasional "fine, stay that way, I'm done editing" moment. I did work hard on the pacing in this chapter. I wanted to grab readers, but not reveal to much at the same time. So, thanks!

You are a very perceptive reader! The two things you mention are very much both things I was trying to imply, but not a lot of readers have noticed them quite as well as you did. She does have a lot of fear for strangers, for many reasons. And of magic as well. (More on the old woman in the next chapter, promise.)

Aw, I don't mind the rambling, never. And, it didn't seem rambling to me! This was a wonderful review and I'm so glad I asked you!

Thanks so much!
- Farmgirl

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Review #31, by DumbledoresArmyOfOnePicking Up the Pieces: Loss

2nd September 2013:
Hey there! I'm finally, finally here with your requested review. I'm so sorry that it took so long!

Wow, this is such an exciting first chapter! Your first sentence had me hooked and the whole chapter followed seamlessly.

I can't even think of anything to critique- stylistically, it worked, characterization so far is limited but good, descriptions and imagery were fantastic- I loved the bit about the murderous flames devouring the house, it really painted a picture in my head.

There really isn't much more that I can say, other than congratulating you on a fantastic opening chapter- I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! No worries about the wait :)

I was going more for imagery in this chapter due to limited dialogue, but you'll get to see more of what I can do in the next chapters :)

Thank you for the review!

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Review #32, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneHarry Potter and the Curse of the Incas (Book 8): Where to from here?

2nd September 2013:
Hey there! I'm here, after an embarrassingly long wait, with your requested review.

This is such a perfect opening chapter! You said in your request that you were trying to imitate Jo, and I think you definitely succeeded. Your writing here has the same clear, cut and dried flavour as hers, and I'm really impressed at the maturity of the emotions that Harry feels. Your characterization of Harry, Hagrid and Bill was perfect.

This was a very good introduction- the setting and characters and events of the chapter seem almost canon. I do think that perhaps Hermione's issues with her parents were resolved too quickly. It seemed like a problem that went to deep to be solved with one conversation, and it seems like something that would come back and haunt her, instead of her agreeing to leave for Australia right away- I don't know, it just seemed a bit sudden.

Your grammar and spelling are impeccable, fantastic descriptions and all in all a great way to start what I'm sure will be a fantastic story.

Keep up the fabulous work!

Author's Response: Hi Sorry for the delay in getting back to you but thankyou so much for the lovely review!
I appreciate the comment about Hermiones issues - it is rushed through a little. I am not sure that it is something I will go back and change just now. I may add a prologue at some point in time, and if I do, I may then pad that out a little, but I think that your feedback in that regard will be of more use in improving that type of issues writing in the future (which is what I really want to get out of reviews - ways to improve!
I really appreciate all the positives in the review, so thankyou very much.

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Review #33, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneRules on Loving a "Muggle": Reunion and Pranks on the Train

22nd July 2013:
Oh, I really like where this story is going! Your writing is pretty good, although a few typos made me laugh ;) (I'm getting creped out- makes me think of Lexi being cooked like a crepe)

Nothing a quick read through or maybe a Beta wouldn't clean up though.
Great chapter! I like when they fooled James- that was funny. Also using the word deflowered as applies to Albus makes me giggle.

Author's Response: Ha, thanks. I am actually going through the whole story right now to clean it up.
when it comes to "deflowered" it was to more symbolize Lexis almost shyness and innocence as apposed to later when she calls it for what it is, but yes it also made me giggle too. thanks for reviewing

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Review #34, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneRadio War: I, Ciara Jordan

14th July 2013:
Hi, DumbledoresArmyOfOne here from my review thread.

I really love the idea for this story. Ciara (is that pronounced like Kiara or Sierra?) seems like a really nice person- very motivated and hardworking, and I really like the way you write her.

The radio show is excellent- I love the Quidditch talk (just so you know, it's Appleby Arrows, not Apple Arrows ;) and Holmes seems like a riot. I'd love to see more of the show and all of the people who work on it!

Your characterization is very good, and you covered a lot of basic info here that is essential to a good opening paragraph. I'm excited to read more, which is always a good sign.

Is English your first language? Some of your syntax seems a little off, as if you're used to speaking french or spanish. Your writing is very good, and I think a Beta would help to clean up the little mistakes.

Things I'd love to see more of: Lily, Ciara's parents, some more descriptive writing. All in all, a great start! Keep on writing :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
Well, the Ciara is pronounced as Keira in the story and I used C instead of K is because I think it's cool and it is also Irish.

I really loved the idea of her being a radio host and she is a daughter of Jordan and Spinnet so she has to be a quiditch fan too.

Thanks for the Appleby I would correct it.

I am looking for a beta as I know I make silly mistakes and English is not my first language but I am trying to learn it my best.
The next chapter would be up soon. Hope I get a beta reader soon.

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Review #35, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFinal Call: Final Call

13th July 2013:
This is a really interesting spin on the travel prompt, and I'm really impressed at the depth of character you managed to give such a universally disliked person in such a short bit of writing. It was rather heartbreaking, that ending, to see how unhappy Petunia is. Also, the Travel Book was such a marvelous idea, and it makes me so sad to think about all those empty pages, that neither of them could fill.
Congratulations on writing a wonderful story. you should be really proud of this piece!

Author's Response: I was going for something different, and I'm actually impressed that this turned out the way it did. I was worried. Writing Petunia was a bigger undertaking than I really understood. Oh...goodness...the pages neither of them could fill. *Sob* What a way to put that. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story; thanks for reviewing!

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Review #36, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneCareful What You Wish For: Brothers and Sisters

10th July 2013:
Oh my! Could it be true?
Finally. A story where people can be competitive and still not hate eachother with the passion of a thousand burning lightbulbs!

Your characters seem interesting so far. It's nice to see people who are very passionate- yet all about different things. This was a good opening chapter, it really introduced the characters well, and was quite well written.

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors, which is always lovely, and it seems like it could be an exciting read.

It definitely has the 'I want to read more' quality. Keep writing, I can't wait to see where this goes!
(excellent summary by the way ;)
~Gilly (from DumbledoresArmyOfOne's review thread)

Author's Response: Hey there!

Yes! It is true! I have read so many stories where two people hate each other with a passion and are super competitive with each other, whether it be about Quidditch, dating, girls, boys, studying or something completely different! So I decided to change it up a little.

I'm glad my characters seem interesting to you - and I'm also glad you reckon I introduced them well, as there is a lot more to come!

Thank you so much for the lovely review, I'll definitely be requesting again (if that's okay)


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Review #37, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneOf Dragons and Daring: Welcome to Romania

10th July 2013:
Yay! I adore Rolf/Luna ( well, really just anything with Luna).
Characterizing Luna is probably one of the hardest things out there for a HPFF writer, so I salute you for taking her on. usually, I see Luna as being over-done as far as quirkiness goes, but you didn't do that at all. It seems realistic to me that as she grows older, Luna would mature a bit, and maybe tone down the eccentricities. I think you might be able to add a little more quirkiness to her character though, if you were so inclined. Maybe an aside about obscure dragon mythology, or perhaps odd protective clothing.

You mentioned that you might continue this story (which I think is a fantastic idea), so maybe a few more oddities could emerge in chapters to come. I do like her little remark here, it seems very Luna: 'Sounds like the sort to have a good singing voice, she observed'.

I absolutely loved the passage from the book (nice nod to canon with the titles :) and your Charlie was wonderful. (I actually included him in my own House Cup entry, he's probably my favourite Weasley).

I love how you made Luna an intelligent character. It drives me mad when people portray her as quirky and ditzy- no, she's a Ravenclaw, she's inquisitive and intelligent, so thank you for showing that!

I also like all the little details in here- dragon names, the eggs, capers with a side of dragon trainers and the like. Your writing flows really well, it was a really enjoyable story and I think it would do well as a multi-chap.
I hope you write more, as I'd love to read it!
~Gilly (from DumbledoresArmyOfOne's Review thread)

Author's Response: Ugh, she was so hard to write, and I agree that I needed to find a few more places to insert some quirks in order to really get her down. I'm happy to hear that you felt like her characterization made sense given her maturity and that you noticed my few subtle attempts at quirk, like the comment about Rolf seeming the type to be a decent singer.

I do think the story is asking to be continued and perhaps that will allow me more opportunities to get into the nitty gritty of Luna's character. It's great that you also feel like more chapters would be beneficial :)

Yeah, I tend to pull from canon a lot, particularly in my writing over the past year. I prefer to use canon characters and ideas, so that's obviously where the books came from. I'm glad you liked my Charlie and the book passage--that was all mine and it was so fun.

I have trouble imagining Luna as being ditzy, and I agree that it's silly to conclude that quirkiness and intelligence can't coexist. Hopefully I made Ravenclaw proud with this story :)

Thanks for your very lovely review!


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Review #38, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

7th July 2013:
Hello! You requested a review in my thread recently(ish), and told me to be very critical, so that I will be. This is a really interesting premise for a story, it reminds me a bit of the mediator series, but with wizards of course.

Your writing is really good, you create excellent dialogue that I could see actually happening (nobody bellowed all the time or anything). I did feel like this chapter was pretty dialogue heavy, especially for a first chapter. I'm a fan of 'show, don't tell', but readers still need some sort of introduction to settings and characters before they can be comfortable with a story.

You had a couple of paragraphs talking about setting, and a few sentences about characters, but I got the sense that the thoughts were a bit unorganized. In some places, it felt like you had broken up the story into little pieces that didn't quite fit together properly, so I would recommend reading over your transitions, as some of them were a little awkward.

Also, your paragraphs were quite choppy, only one or two sentences on average, which, while being a little easier on the eyes on a computer screen, sort of gives the story an insubstantial, choppy feeling.

I really like Ellie's internal voice- she's quite witty and funny, and I even laughed out loud at some points. I feel like you know her quite well, and I like her dynamic with the other characters. I'm also a fan of her great-grandmother. That scene was really nice and well written.

Be careful about falling into the first person trap- don't forget about your secondary characters, they need development too!

On that note, I'm just wondering why exactly Ellie and Albus don't like each other. I'm all for tension between characters, and you don't have to tell me the reason, but I've read too many stories where authors implant these emotions in their characters simply to move the plot along, so make sure there's some solid reasoning behind her feelings.

Please don't get the impression that I didn't like your story, I really do, I'm just offering my (hopefully) constructive criticism.
Great first chapter! I hope to see more of this story.

Author's Response: Hello, Gilly!

Haha! I must admit that the Mediator series was probably an influence! I read them so long ago, but I remember them being really cool! And of course, everything is cooler with wizards!

Thanks for the suggestions! I'll definitely try to work some more description into it - I agree - first chapters should have more description, but I'm scared of writing it, so I must admit to chickening out!

I agree with you about some of the transitions. I read over this chapter, and just frown at its ridiculousness sometimes!

I'm really scared of doing that to my secondary characters! I've already done it in another story of mine, so that's something that I want to be super careful about! Thanks for the reminder!

There is a reason, but I didn't want to reveal everything in the first chapter, you know what I mean? I'm not a fan of characters hating each other just for the sake of hating each other, and I don't want this to happen to these two!

I didn't get that impression at all! I thought you were very helpful and I really appreciate you taking the time out to offer your thoughts on this! Thanks so much!

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Review #39, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneThe Elementals: The Shae

30th June 2013:
Don't worry about knowing what to do - you're a writer, so you get to make up your own rules!

This is a very interesting AU. The Elementals are a really cool idea (i really like the Shae's names!) and Divina seems quite nice for being the personification of death.

One thing I'm not really sure about it Rose's characterization. It wouldn't hurt to dwell a little more on her emotions, her perceptions of her new life - I'd imagine an eleven year old girl would be anxious about leaving home, her family and the world she knew, maybe apprehensive about what was in store for her, or even fear and distrust of the elementals around her.

I know it's early on, but so far Rose seems a little two dimensional, so maybe you could flesh her out a bit.

I do like your side characters though! Borvo was fun, and I love the dog! Divina is... intriguing ;). I really liked your description of the hierarchy of the Elementals- it's nice to see some organization amid the chaos of a new world.

You may want to read this chapter over critically, or get a Beta as I found a few spelling and grammar mistakes.

Also, your story could really be fleshed out by some more description. I noticed a couple of phrases like "this place in the woods" or "this big rock", that could definitely use some qualifiers. Just remember that generalization is the death of authors. I appreciate how the plot moves along quickly, but be careful of making it seem rushed- don't forget to stop and describe the roses, I guess. :)

Normally, when I'm confronted with such a wacky AU, I back away slowly, but something about your story has sparked my interest.

(Also, killer summary- really made me want to read the story!!!)

So keep on writing! It's a really interesting premise, and I can see lots of potential in the plot and in your writing!

Keep writing, and, as a wise man once said, don't forget to be awesome!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I do plan on having an entire chapter following Rose's day. I am writing Rose to make her sound sort of superficial at first, but it is good to know what is overkill. And I'll be sure to add more detail as soon as the queue opens again!

Thanks again,

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Review #40, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneUnforgettables : Going to Hogwarts

30th June 2013:
Ooh, Sorting ceremony! Lovely! I love a good sorting ceremony :)

Damon seems really sweet so far - it's nice how quickly he became attached to his friends!

I'm not sure quite where this story is going quite yet. I've really liked these chapters but they definitely seem like establishment chapters - I can see lots of different plots taking off from here, so I'm excited to see where it goes.

Grammar and spelling was quite good, just one typo sprung out at me 'bHat' which I assume should say 'hat'. Also, maybe put at least single quotes around the Sorting Hat's "speech" just to distinguish it from the text.

I do think it was simultaneously cute and a bit strange how quickly Dominique and Damon decided to be friends, and how quickly Dominique passed judgement on him. I think it speaks for her character that she's quick to judge- I can't wait to see how she develops over time.

I enjoy Damon's little sarcastic thoughts (a boy after my own heart!), and I'm already a huge fan of Professor Accipiter- he seems like a riot! (oh dear, I just said riot xD)

Any story that mentions Neville (and spells his name right) is off to a good start in my head, and your writing here is really good and quite engaging.

Hopefully, I've given you some useful feedback. I'll definitely keep reading and reviewing!

Author's Response: Who doesn't love a good sorting ceremony? :)
Professor Accipiter is pretty much the same as my Highschool Physics teacher :p So credit goes to him for giving me inspiration!

I'm glad you like the writing at this point, because, well, it can only get better (right?)
You've given some amazing feedback and I can't thank you enough!

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Review #41, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTraitorous Hearts: The Lady of Greengrass Hall

30th June 2013:
The second chapter actually clarifies a lot of things. It's really interesting to see the backstory and motivations behind Astoria's quiet rebellion.

You asked in your RR to name any characters I'd like to see included in this- it's a bit premature, but I'd love to see Narcissa in it. From her actions in DH, she seems to have similar 'family before voldemort' values to Astoria. Also, i'd love to see Bellatrix, as she's exactly the opposite.

In my last review, I was a bit confused about the setting, but this chapter has cleared it up. Am I right in thinking that this is during DH? As in Draco is seventeen, and Harry is off chasing Horcruxes?

Again, great attention to spelling and grammar. I only noticed 'trey' instead of 'tray'.

Lavinia's past is just so COOL!!! She's like a dark feminist or something- fighting for woman's rights by being a Death Eater BAMF or some such nonsense my brain just came up with XD.

Astoria continues to be a really interesting, thought-inducing character - I can't wait to see more character development for Draco!

Well written- don't worry about the back-story jumps, they seam together beautifully!


Author's Response: You are *exactly* right about when it's taking place. In fact, it’s during Easter Holidays, a few days before Harry, Ron, and Hermione get caught and taken to Malfoy Manor--that’s why Astoria isn’t at Hogwarts. I'm trying to slip that in somewhere. I didn't want to put it in the initial timestamp, because I was worried that people would associate ‘Easter Break, 1988’ with the Malfoy Manor scene from DH, and would get confused.

How interesting that you would choose those particular characters. Based on the re-drafting I’ve been doing today...*rubs hands together, cackles*...very interesting. It is great to know--extremely helpful. Thank you!

I’ll have to fix that ‘trey’ thing. Good catch!

And I am *so* glad to see Lavinia get some love. Sad she had to turn to the Dark Side and all--but let that be a lesson. We ladies, we get our rights...or we turn *evil*

...as all the other girls look around, wide-eyed, mouthing ‘Speak for yourself, crazy’ ; )

Thank you so much. Your review was very helpful, and gave me a good idea of what I ought to focus on in the chapters I am currently working on. I really appreciate it!

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Review #42, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

30th June 2013:
I love a good mystery, and Draco/Astoria is a ship I've really started to love (or, if not ship, Draco/Astoria interaction).

You don't give out too much information in this chapter, which is perfect for mystery, but I would like to know a little more about your universe.

It's hard to tell from the chapter what has happened- it seems like Voldemort is still at large from the way you're talking about Death Eaters, but I could be wrong. I know it's supposed to be mysterious, but maybe a little more establishment of your setting might help keep the readers engaged.

I love the characterization so far! I'm really intrigued by both Draco and Astoria- I love how perceptive Astoria is, and how good she is at reading people. From a first person narrative point of view, it's always nice for the reader to see the world through intelligent eyes.

As for Draco, I've always been interested in his character - I think he's a very complex person, and so far you have definitely done him justice.

Your grammar and spelling is impeccable as far as I can tell, so thank you for paying attention to that!

This is a very good opening chapter- I liked the short prologue, as it helps to establish Astoria's character quite a bit.

I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing, and so promptly! Yes, it is a bit unspecific, isn't it? I was hoping that the year would give it away, but perhaps I was too vague--I certainly would not have the specific years memorized if I did not need to for the timeline of this story! Perhaps there is a way I can better allude to that in this first chapter. I'll think on it.

I am so glad that you noticed and enjoyed Astoria's perceptiveness. That has been tricky to get right, because I am a fairly oblivious person--I never notice details in day to day life. But if one were the daughter of a spy, I figured that they would be a great deal more observant. So I am delighted that came through!

Thank you again for taking the time to review! I really appreciate your thoughts :D

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Review #43, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFragile Bones: Fragile Bones

30th June 2013:
That's such a beautiful quote, and you built an amazingly lovely story around it.

It's always so interesting for me to see the motivation behind the actions, so I love how this little story covers the reasons for fighting. Not the 'glory' of the fight itself, but the story behind the actions.

I also love how you wrote the family ties, and the far-reaching consequences of death and loss. And the gradual journey to dealing with grief.

I think that many authors struggle with portraying grief, either lingering on it too long or skipping over it too quickly. You really showed how we don't 'get over' or 'forget' about our grief, we just learn to bear it, to live on and let it become a part of us, but not to let it control us.

I love the role of books in Amelia's journey. As a book-lover myself, I can see how that could help her cope.

Thank you for publishing this beautiful story!

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Review #44, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTouring Spirits: Chapter 4: Mongolian Shaman-Pirates and a Capybara

27th June 2013:
Woah. And the plot thickens. I can't think that anyone could be evil enough to kill a puppy. I'm pretty sure even Voldemort himself had a soft spot for puppies.
Ugh. Terrifying.

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Review #45, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTouring Spirits: Chapter 2: Badges and Molly Ringwald

27th June 2013:
I love the writing so much! I just wish these chapters were longer. Sigh.
Mulciber seems suitably evil and cockroach-like, and Stella and Lorcan seem awesome so far.
Annnd, enter Scorpius Malfoy. Interesting.
I'm excited :D

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Review #46, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTouring Spirits: The red-tailed hawk and the frying pan.

27th June 2013:
I'm intrigued! I'm surprised this story isn't getting more attention! The writing is brilliant, the characters seem pretty vibrant and so far it has a lovely natural flow.

I really like Lucy so far, and you've made Percy seem as much a doofus as he did in the books so well done there!

I'm really excited to read more!

Author's Response: Thank-you so much for the kind review! As you can probably tell I had to abandon the story for quite a while (senior year of college, oh the woes of real life) but now I have more time I am definitely working on it, with plans for the rest of this one and a sequel. Glad you're enjoying it!

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Review #47, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneIssues of Epistemic Modality : Oxford Commas

5th June 2013:
Molly/Dexter is probably one of my favourite ships in all the fan fiction i've ever read xD
They're just so ridiculous and adorable.
I love Molly so much as a character and the way you write them is so awesome :D

Author's Response: B'awh. They're definiately the favourite couple that I've ever written. THey're SO cute :D

I'm really reallly glad you like my babies :)

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Review #48, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneOvercoming Obstacles. : Overcoming Obstacles.

22nd May 2013:
Hey, I'm here from the Gryffindor review exchange to talk about your lovely story!

i love that this is a prologue. As a one shot, it could stand on its own as a really heart-wrenching story, but as a prologue for Alice's life it's really amazing to have all of this background information about her life's beginnings, her family dynamic and all of that.

Frank and Alice Longbottom have always been some of my favourite characters in the series- they sacrificed so much for a better life, truly suffered a fate worse than death, and it only makes me admire Neville more and appreciate the strength he needed to live with this memory of the Death Eater's crimes just haunting him. I think you really portrayed that profound bond they had in your story.

I'm really interested to see what kind of story this will turn out to be! I can't wait to see what Alice is like as an older child, and Frank too.

Really, that was a profound insight into Hannah's mind- how hard it is to explain death. Frank was so cute and brave, even as a six year old, and it rather tugged at my heart the way he talks about his grandpa.

Really wonderful story! The only thing I might suggest is maybe look over it one more time. There are a few tiny mistakes as far as verb tenses go, but nothing major. Also, you used the word 'emotions' a lot. Sometimes it's a bit more effective if you use a less general word.
Again, that's just my opinion, and it's your story :D

This was fantastic, a great start! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: thank you so much for the awesome review! I'm really glad you liked it and I'm happy that you're excited for my next story :)


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Review #49, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneHonour Among Thieves: Zach, Marcus and it was Scorpius' plan

9th May 2013:
I love Rose and Scorpius as a team.
Together, they seem to have everything going for them, and they seem to trust each other (more than they should probably).
This is such an amazing complex story with all the politics and family ties and everything. I love how Lysander got them out, and just the ways in which they all stick together. I hate to think that one of them is a traitor, and I still have no idea which one it could be :/
Amazing chapter! Love the Alice in Wonderland quote- it definitely fits ;)

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Review #50, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneHonour Among Thieves: an introduction, a party and the beginnings of a plan

7th May 2013:
Wow, this is such a cool premise :D
It reminds me of Heist Society but cooler and with magic! I love this BAMF version of the Wotters- they seem like such interesting, complicated characters already, one chapter in.
Really well written, awesome characters, and I can't wait to read more!

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