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Interesting place to end this. I noticed that she doesn't seem to really join completely with either world, letting her final post-Hogwarts decision (if she ever chooses to make one) be a mystery. Also, would she really be able to use magic as advanced as actually doing something? I guess it would fit with her fixing Harry's glasses, even though she had only just bought the books, and probably hadn't read the spells. Anyways, as I mentioned before, this is very impressive and I hope that you continue to write.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks!  Sorry I don't quite understand your question...</i></font>

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Aw! That is so sweet. The parents are extremely well written, and I loved the list. It fit so well into the story, and was an amazing reflection of canon. You are such a good writer! Hermione is completely in character, from her prim, controlled manner to everything her parents know about her. I am so impressed!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks so much, for your review and for your praise!</i></font>

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Just a question, were Ron's grammar mistakes intentional? A bit more con. crit. before I say how much I love it... Like JKR, you've included quite a bit of background on characters here, more than I've seen in HPFF before. I suppose it's good to introduce characters gradually, but usually OCs are saved for the development. Anyways. I really like the overall tone and flow of the chapter, being the tiniest bit fluff and preparatory for the rest of the story. As I said before, very JKR style. You've done an excellent job keeping Harry alive and not suicidal--hopefully for the rest of the fic. Nice subtle humor and canon references. Harry turned a bit evil towards the end, eh? Those muggles.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Marvolo...yes. Rons grammar was intentional.  Is that not how he speaks in the books?  If not, please forgive me!  As for Harry being suicidal...I just  couldn't picture him in that way.  He feels tremendous guilt, yes.  But I see him as a force to be reckoned with.  Not as a person who was looking for an "easy out".Once again, thanks so much for your review! ~Tina</i></font>

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Nice introduction--you've done well with keeping the characters in strict canon, and capturing Harry in a positive way. You're right that the beginning is a bit slow, but you made a good decision not to include Lydia in the first chapter. Hmm... Insight into her character, perhaps? I'll have to watch out for you elsewhere! Really, it does sound interesting and I'm glad that you haven't jumped into a plot. Very JKR in your Harry-focused beginning. It's good!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks Marvolo!  Insight into Lydia?  She's not really a main character.  She's just there to fill a bit of the void that Fred and George left open.  I created her for a bit of comic relief.  You are very quickly becoming one of my favorite reviewers!  Thanks again!  ~Tina</i></font>

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This (I'm so glad that you took on all three Longbottoms, you did an amazing job on both) was also amazing! Neville has so much personality, and you've given him plentiful unique qualities, both good and bad. Kind of bitter, more so than the Neville I imagine, but that's what made it so intriguing! Definitely a fresh look at a character I like. I wouldn't be surprised if JKR writes a future Neville like this... Very realistic, and very intriguing. The end is so hopeful... I'm definitely going to be thinking all day. Thanks!

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Oh, poor Alice, poor Frank! I love them, and my heart just about broke while I read. Every thought sparked my imagination, every glimpse into their souls made me want to reach out and comfort characters that I would read of any day. The relationship between Mr. and Mrs. is so vivid and real. Very unique, interesting, and bittersweet. Thank you for writing such a delightful combination of style and creativity!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Wow! Thank you for such a cretive and thought provoking review too. I love reviews like this! I'm so pleased to hear that their relationship feels real too because that was important to me. Thank you for reviewing!</i></font>

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You've captured Lucius so well, in his crawl through filth and his repulsion of Harry's words. I can imagine his hair swinging down to collide with the mud--horror! The canon of this chapter has completely blown me away. I'm definitely going to look into more of your writing--being in Lucius' mind for this long (excellent first person) has definitely made me seek more. I really, really enjoyed reading your Lucius.

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This is wonderful! Rereading is like reading for the first time, and I'm still left with the impression that Albus has a long way to go. You've given the reader so much opportunity for their own imagination, the dialogue is perfect, reflecting the characters and situations well, and the structure is incredibly fun to read. I'm drawn to this peculiar farming family--their entire history fits so well into JKR's world, and the portrayal is really amazing. I can just see Dumbledore looking back on his past, fond memories of Aberforth and everything! Superb chapter. I'm going to read it again! :)

Author Response

You've been very creative with your characters--I know that it can be hard for many people to think of Narcissa as emotionally fragile and any Lestrange as kind, caring, and defending another person. It's interesting to see this new side of the characters. You have a lot of dialogue, but it doesn't seem to be very strongly backed up by your character's descriptions. I would love to see more of their actions, the situations, and details in this story, and I hope that you expand your chapters a bit. Also, you've jammed quite a few characters into this first chapter--how about slowing things down and giving a more introductory look at things? I have this problem too, knowing my characters more than the reader and writing them in with quick snippets. You seem to have strengths too--your ideas are creative and unique. I look forward to more chapters soon! Keep up the good work, and please don't be offended by my comments. They were meant constructively.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thank you! I will take what you said in consideration, though next chapter is really not the best. Bye!</i></font>

Author Response

That was such a tragedy, I've been shivering from holding back tears so I can type, let alone think. It is amazing, all the emotion you have managed to weave into this. You have set a very clear stage for their lives and personalities, and left so much up to the reader. The glimpses forward are well timed and include everything important. You've done really, really well with this one-shot--it's definitely the most emotionally affective one I've read. Superb.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> thanks soooooooo much sadian!! omg, ur review is soo great!!  u really made me feel good about this oneshot, and this review has definitely got me inspired ot write more.  Marvolo/sadian u rock major arse and i luvs ya! d (hehe kori)</i></font>

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Oh, that was wonderful! You've given such a startlingly different view of Hermione. Everything rushed at such a perfect pace, and I felt so drawn into the whirlwind Hermione has spun. I hope to read more of your excellent ideas, and seeing Ron and Harry's reactions will be priceless. Please do continue!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thank you. I'm glad the rush and confusion shone through, i was hoping it would, because that's how Hermione was feeling. I would like to continue with this story, but i have very little time to do so... I'll see how many people would like to me to. Thanks for reviewing!</i></font>

Author Response

The next time Count Olaf tries to disguise himself as a girl, he should consider putting more makeup on that bald stop, hmmm? Just because they were trying to escape with their fortunes... Another BRILLIANT chapter, I can't wait to find out who Larry is!! I'm glad to finally see Voldemort's evil side acting up again. Poor, poor Larry. Excellent, every bit of it!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> yes...this just proves that i used a translator for that snipet of the chapter....i cannot speak French for my life!!! As for Larry....well.... lets just say he is in a better place right now</i></font>

Author Response

This is brilliant! I loved every bit, it is exactly the James I imagined, and the gentleman lessons... I'm astounded. So witty, so inspiring, and so hilarious! No wonder you have so many reviews! The perspective of James and the genius comments thanks to Sirius are practically perfect. I definitely enjoyed reading this and hopefully it wasn't too excruciating to write! Because that would be too bad... since I'm asking that you write more! Wait, I've got three more chapters. I'm saving them up you know, like chocolate. Hee hee! Oh, it was amazing, and I loved the typo (this may sound odd) where James says that Lily has a tempter, instead of a temper. I don't know, it somehow added to the story. Splendid, all of it! I look forward to further entries by Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs. Is Moony going to be included in the future? Oooh I just love it! Perfect!

Author Response

Your vivid description is excellent. Even though this chapter was very short, I was drawn into your story, and the sparse dialogue set a tone for the rest of your writing. This is kind of a funny thing that pleased me, but your paragraphs are so perfectly sized! It bothers me when they are too large or small, but yours were excellent. Weird, I know. I really want to find out more about your character--I can tell that she won't be a Mary Sue, and I am so far quite pleased with your story! The end of the chapter reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe, the sort of grotesque hopelessness (in a good way, trust me). The last sentence was a bit confusing, and my only complaint. Superb!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> hmmmm....what was the last sentence again....I'll go check, and try to fix it...thx for the review, I'm glad you like my descriptions, and although, if you continue reading, you'll probably find ch 2-4 kinda boring and slow, they're needed and afterward the story gets even better!!! thx for reviewing, please continue!!!</i></font>

Author Response

Wow, that's really good! I was so intrigued, I don't normally read Hermione/Draco 'cause it's such fanon, but that was good! You've set an interesting tone for your story, and I hope you update soon! The characters were believable and their thoughts reasonable. Please continue!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> thanks a lot!!!! Im glad u branched out lol well I tried my hardest to keep them in character... ill update when i can!! thanks!!</i></font>

Author Response

Much more description here, and it is excellent. The relationships and characters and all the tension is amazing, and I really wish that I could move on to the next chapter. I wonder where this story is going... what plot you have planned... or is it just following Sirius? You've created such a separate view of Hogwarts, and maybe seeing the school itself tied in would round up more reviewers. You really, really deserve them. I like the marauders hideaway, and I hope to see more of their world soon. This is so amazing,  I just can't put my words right here. I want to read more so much that I'm going to re-read this.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks Marvolo.  I've tried to put more descriptions in as many have suggested.  You make a really good point about Hogwarts and I may try to pull something in before they graduate.  That's a really good idea.  Thanks so much and I'll work hard to improve on the areas you suggested!</i></font>

Author Response

Ahhhh! Your dialogue is just so good! The natural flow is impressive, and it creates such a specific flow for the story. I only wish for more details... Oh, and your Peter seemed... so distant. Is anyone going to notice this? The tension isn't as obvious as the first chapter, but the subtleness puts the friendship (of Remus and James) into perspective. I hope that you add more description (eventually) into this, because I'm a visual person, and being able to see the setting helps me get into the story. Not that I don't love it! This was really good, and I look forward to more Sirius/Lily. Hmmm...

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks every so much.  I'll work really hard at adding more of this in the coming chapters.  I'm very grateful for the time you've taken to help out and give me some wonderful advice.  Thank you!</i></font>

Author Response

I really like your canon portrayal of Sirius. He is perfectly believable and I will never stray to the fanon definition again, I promise! As a reader, Lily kind of annoyed me with her light depth and her total non-graspingness of the situation. Is she going to be a main character? If so, I hope that she will develop more. I would have liked a little more description about the setting--what was Hogsmeade like? Was it cold? Could you see their breath on the air, or was it a muggy summer-ish night? You've done a wonderful job with the dialogue, and the voices I imagined add so much. Also, how you touch on future elements of your story was wonderful, and I (angst lover that I am) can't wait to see how all Sirius' dark doubts play out. It was an excellent read, really. Next chapter!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Wow.  What a wonderful review.  It was so amazing of you to take such time and effort with reading the story and constructing your review.  I'm am so grateful for the honest opinions and the wonderful advice.  Thank you so much, you're advice will not have been in vain.....I promise!  Thanks again</i></font>

Author Response

It's absolutely amazing, the sharp contrast between Severus in the beginning (your precise writing and details gave the story such a sense of order and strength. I had to smile at it... the opposite of me :D) and in the end... I could feel the emotion so strongly, and it seemed very visually written. You filled in all of the necessary details, and I was content to imagine black robes myself. Poignant and memorable, you are an excellent writer. I loved it! You've almost convinced me about their relationship.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> It's not the first time I've been told I'm a visual writer.  As I've said before--the little things hold huge significance in a one-shot, so I take care to represent all of them properly.  I'm glad you liked it, too.  I'm not sure there ever was a relationship, per say, but I think Snape fancied Lily.  Thank you for your review, Marvolo.</i></font>

Author Response

Just curious, what's muesli? I did like this chapter, you really are excellent at flow and making the dialogue fly by, but I would recommend carefully rereading passages on Harry and Anger. Just because, well, you notice that a big part of his anger comes from fear of not being in control, being left in the dark by people he trusts. So maybe his anger seemed a bit mis-directed. He doesn't swear either. Sorry if you're offended, just my opinion there. Besides that, you did an excellent job writing in the emotion and making Petunia have a personality. I wonder what you have in store for me next? Next chapter I'll definitely be quicker to review. This was wonderful, and I'm going to check on it more regularly. Good luck with your writing!

Author Response

Your character interactions are good, and the characters themselves are interesting, but I would still like to see how this ties into the HP world. Celeste seems really lucky to have found that book, eh? Is that just moving the plot along, or does she have a knack at picking out trouble? So far so good! I really like your writing style--plain, but expressive.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> It actually doesn't tie in at all, except for in magic use, maybe I'll tie it in, but I liked the people who existed within this site, so I wanted to post the work here.</i></font>

Author Response

Oooh, that evil woman! This chapter was a little short, and I would have liked some more information, but it looks like Lady Lisa is a mysterious character. Sorry I didn't get to this last night! The relationships are a bit loosely set out, and I hope that they will be clearer next chapter (Why was she adopted?). Overall, it's a nice transition to the second part of your story. But Lisa is positively evil! I love the characterisation.

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> It's funny because shes loosely based on my first boss who I hated a lot.</i></font>

Author Response

You've done well with original ideas (!) and drawing readers into your characters. My only suggestions would be to proofread for punctuation/capitalization, and I know that this has to do with your style, but... if this is in the past, Celeste shouldn't talk like she's from the 21st century. The world you have created is very interesting, and I'm interested in your OC already. I can tell that you will have a well developed plot. Wonderful! I really enjoyed it, and please don't be offended!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> They actually are in the 21 century right now, so I'll have to bone up on my older style of language, its an odd world, one where computers had existed but were lost, theres a lot about this world, and maybe some things she'll have to do later on that are surprising.</i></font>

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> They actually are in the 21 century right now, so I'll have to bone up on my older style of language, its an odd world, one where computers had existed but were lost, theres a lot about this world, and maybe some things she'll have to do later on that are surprising.</i></font>

Author Response

Ooooh, absolutely bone-chilling. You've done so well with the style and phrasing, and Severus has been stripped to his true character, none of this hot teacher business. I really liked it, and I hope that you further this story in some way. This was such a unique idea, and it really intrigued me. I'll be back to read more of yours soon!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Thanks a lot, Marvolo!  This is the way I like Snape, cold and hard but with a concience, not the "hot teacher" as you nicely put it :-D.  I was surprised to see that no one (or very few) had actually written about Snape becoming a spy before, so I thought it'd be a great idea for a one-shot.  Perhaps some follow-ups to this will come to mind later on.  </i></font>

Author Response

I loved everything, but my particular favorites were... the dialogue exchanged between characters (The interaction between 'couples' was brilliant, and fit every character so... individually), the visualness of your writing (Your excellent description and word choice gave me such an exact picture. Also, how subtly you worked this in), and the general voice of the chapter. Also, you've put an amazing amount of research into your story (essay on quartz? Is that a passion of yours, or do you just get really into what you're writing?). It seems like it would be difficult to write so many relationships and characters, but you've pulled off the whole length thing perfectly. I enjoyed your writing so much, and I'm sorry that I put off reading for so long. I'm simply astounded! I loved every bit, and I hope to read more soon!

<i><b><font color=#000080>Author's Response:</b> Wow Marvolo! Thank you so much. That was such a lovely review itâ€™s really made my day :). As for the research, well the quartz was a bit of a cheat, I had tried using herbs but it read like a cookery lesson. I remembered Harry having to do an essay on Moonstone and I was wearing a Tourmalised Quartz pendant the day I wrote that chapter so it just fell into place and it amazing what you can find on the web. So I really canâ€™t claim to have done loads of research for this story it was really just a couple of clicks. On one of my other stories, I did end up doing loads of research into the Arthurian legends though.If you read anything else of mine please let me know what you think. Once again thanks for the review. :)</i></font>

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