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Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
690 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BeeezieThe Twelve Days of Christmas: Victoire

5th January 2016:
Hey, Stef! I'm here for BvB! :)

I absolutely loved this chapter - it was adorable on so many levels! The fact that Teddy and Victoire named their daughter Nymph was heart-warming and heart-breaking all at once. I loved seeing Tonks remembered like that, but the reminder that she never even saw her son grow up, let alone her granddaughter, was like a punch in the gut. A good kind, though? I guess?

The way you turned what was supposed to be a nice trip to see Santa into a fiasco was perfect, particularly given that Nymph is so young. Outings with babies never seem to go as smoothly as they should, though it's not surprising that as new parents, Teddy and Victoire are still figuring that out. Using the picture as their Christmas card was perfect, too - while I get that Victoire was hoping for a proper photo that she could show people for them to oo and ah at, I feel like this is probably a more common experience! I'm sure that more than one recipient will have their own similar stories to share next time they see them, too - this could definitely lead to a trip down a particularly disastrous memory lane. :P

Wonderful job.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the lovely review!

I'm so happy that you liked this! And I saw that you posted a quote from this one-shot in the new Squee the Claw thread! Thank you so much for that mention! It's so kind of you!!

I'm glad you liked this. It is definitely sad that Tonks never saw her son, let alone her granddaughter, grow up. I think she'd be such a fun mother and grandmother. But it's always been my headcanon that Teddy honours his parents memory in many ways, naming his daughter after his mother is just one of them.

Babies, from what I understand, are always causing surprises. And as new parents Teddy and Victoire are definitely still figuring it all out. But they did get a pretty fun photo here that I'm sure they'll keep for years to come :)

Thank you again for reading!


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Review #27, by BeeezieA Binary System: je suis vide

4th January 2016:
Hey, Olivia! I'm here for BvB!

So I really, really loved this. The way you describe their relationship building felt so realistic - there wasn't this crazy immediate crazy You Are The One attraction, but rather something that grew bit by bit. It was lovely to read about, and it really fit for me into what we know about Remus and Sirius as people - because while there's a definite undercurrent of the Sirius-as-heartbreaking-flirt trope in the HP fandom, there really wasn't any evidence of it in the books. I really believed Remus's feelings and I was so happy when they got together - and so gutted when you threw a huge wrench into it before they even left Hogwarts.

I'm glad you did, though. I don't think I've ever read anything else that really explores how Remus would have reacted to Sirius's prank, and I've never really thought of it from Remus's perspective. But now that you've made me - oh my god, you're so right. Werewolf or not, the knowledge that he'd caused someone's death would have weighed very heavily on Remus, and while I don't believe Sirius was thinking in those terms... It kind of doesn't matter. He should have been, both as Remus's friend and as his boyfriend. If I were Remus, I'd also have been really disturbed and hurt by that betrayal, and it gives a really interesting spin to his interactions with Harry and to the schism between them, which I've always wondered about.

You did an amazing job with this, and I'm so happy I've read it.

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Review #28, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Hatís for House-Elves

3rd January 2016:
Hey, I'm back for BvB!

Just a couple quick nitpicks:

I noticed a few typos early in the chapter. I think the chapter title should be "Hats for House-Elves" and that there should be a period after the first
"Sunday." I also felt like "the previous day" or "the day before" might have worked better in the context of the story than "yesterday," which to me works better in dialogue or a present-tense narrative.

That aside:

I could really understand why the "fan club" rubbed Rose the wrong way. I mentioned last chapter that I wished you'd show more of Rose's reaction, and you've done that here - it's very easy for me to empathize with her about this, because I'd also be quite irritated by the entire situation. While I do get the sense that he wasn't really enjoying the attention, there is a certain privilege in getting the attention regardless - he has a huge group of potential friends he didn't have to do anything for, and whether or not he chooses to pursue any of those friendships, it's a choice no one else seems to have. I do sympathize with him, but I sympathize with Rose, too.

That said, I do still feel like you could be portraying her as a more sympathetic character overall, and part of the issue is that you're sometimes telling where I think showing would be sufficient. For example, when she goes to meet the house elves, you say that The one thing sheíd not taken into account, of course, was that it wasnít going to be only herself involved. No, sheíd completely discounted the fact it also depended upon how the house-elves themselves would take her gesture. So completely sure of herself and the positive outcome she was sure sheíd receive; she went down to the kitchens with no doubts about her reception. I think that spelling that out, particularly when you don't typically spell out other characters and the problems with the way they're approaching a given situation, is unnecessary and actually harms the reader to interpret Rose and what's actually a pretty nuanced scene on their own merits.

I find what you're doing with Albus's house situation really interesting. I'm still not 100% sure I love the concept, but you're executing it well, and it's definitely leading to some very interesting family dynamics, particularly with James. It seems to me like being between all four houses has the potential to help Albus mature as a person in ways he wouldn't otherwise, until he's finally sorted into a permanent house. (If that ever happens - I'm not convinced, and I still don't see any Slytherin in him.) I can see why he'd find the snakes in the common room off-putting, either way.

Overall, another great chapter! :)

Author's Response: I'm also back, for more responses.

The title *sigh* will go and fix it, thanks.

But the thing about the 'yesterday' is that I am writing her thoughts and so I think that she would think 'yesterday' - as you point out if it were first-person. I think that what I shall do is italicise them, as if it is her direct thoughts (which they are). A subtle re-write might get what I want to achieve across better.

Yes, his fan club, his ready-made, father bought, fan club. It might rub anyone up the wrong way, but someone who is looking for reasons to dislike him ...

I put the Malfoy Scholarship in for a few reasons. There are some obvious ones: it does say something about the character of Draco, for instance. But also I needed to give Scorpius something that would balance out all of the 'Weasley Clan' that Rose has to fall back upon. The story needed some balance there. Also it allows Dawn some financial independence that she wouldn't otherwise have, given the background I want to establish for her. JKR explored the relation between two friends, one of whom had money and one of whom had little. She did so well and ably and I did not want to repeat what she had done, neither was I interested in exploring it either.

You know I wondered about the inclusion of those sentences. I still don't know if I should have or not. It does break the 'in-the-present' style of the narrative that I have been using. Your words are making me doubt its inclusion even more. I shall have to think about it.

Albus's house situation is a bit of an experiment, I will definitely give you that. I think that it's worth it from what it says about his character and from some of the plot lines that it can engender. I don't necessarily think that it should happen, but it works for my story, and in some real respects that's all that matters. The way I've seen him written, he could belong in any house; that was the jumping off point for me and got me thinking, 'if he could be in any, wh not put him in all...'

As to you not seeing any Slytherin in him, half the stories that I read where he's placed in Slytherin only, I don't see the Slytherin in him. Being Slytherin I believe is not an obvious set of traits, I think that they will come to the fore the longer you know the person. Unless of course you take the 'all Slytherins are evil or stuck-up purebloods or thugs' that is almost de rigueur for the members of that house in the JKR books. I am really taking a leaf from your book about how Slytherins think and act - you really explain and show it so well in the character of your Scorpius. The thing about them being results driven and not rushing into things, thinking before they act. Pondering the ramifications of their actions before committing themselves to some path that has no recourse. All of that sort of stuff. So as to Albus, I am taking the tack that we will see more of his Slytherin side in his sly and subtle sense of humour.

There is one thing that concerned me about this review. Even though it comprises most of the chapter, you didn't mention what happened with the House-elves at all. I was sad for some reason after I read this review and I wondered why. When I analysed my feelings I realised that it was the lack of discussion of the House-elf stuff. Did you not mention it because you didn't like it? I hope not because the House-elves do feature quite a bit more, especially in this first year.

Thank you for the review, I didn't mean to finish on such a downer - I really did appreciate and enjoy it. All of the stuff that you are seeing of the characters of the main two protagonist is fairly spot on. The only things that you are not getting are things that I haven't really revealed as of yet. As of this response the story as a whole has had 5467 reads and this chapter has had 305, thank you all.

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Review #29, by BeeezieBedtime for Luna: Bedtime for Luna

1st January 2016:
Hey, I'm here for BvB!

This was such a cute story! I loved the way you integrated a lot of the things that we know and love about Luna from the very start. I can absolutely see her arguing with a kneazle to not go after gnomes, even though I feel like it's probably about as much use as arguing with a cat to not go after mice! I also really enjoyed the way you drew a parallel between her saying good night to Lorcan and Lysander and her remembering her own mother. It makes sense that Luna would think of her in the quiet moments when everyone else is asleep, and my heart went out to her when she said she wished her mother had been able to meet Rolf. Those quiet moments can really be the hardest, and while you didn't dwell on it, it definitely stood out to me, and it gave her brief conversation with Rolf when she gets in bed a lot more meaning than it would otherwise. I really enjoyed this. The peace surrounding her entire routine was really refreshing, and it's nice to think of Luna like this. Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the very kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really like to write Luna and think I have a feel for her. I also like to alternate dark stories and fluff.

This is my first original fic here in a while, so it's nice to get a bit of good feedback on it as I start to get back into the swing of it here.

Thanks so much for the BvB review.

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Review #30, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: An Afternoon with Hagrid

1st January 2016:
Hey, I'm back for BvB! :)

While I still feel like Rose took a bit longer to really start to develop as a character than was necessary, I love what you did with her at the beginning of the chapter. There's clearly a lot of thought that's gone into her, and you've done a wonderful job of giving her some of both Ron's and Hermione's personalities without making her a carbon copy of either. Her take on the Forbidden Forest toward the beginning of the chapter was wonderful and felt very realistic; she's clearly brave and adventurous, but she's also clearly got some limits, which is important to emphasize, particularly for an eleven year old. I also love her focus on the library and Madam Pince's reaction to her - sometimes references to the next gen's parents can feel a bit contrived, but it absolutely didn't her.

The only issue I had with Rose was when Scorpius entered the scene. While I do understand that part of the point is that she really, really doesn't like him and isn't being fair, the strength of her reaction felt a little excessive, and I feel like there's no way one can read it without taking Scorpius's side. IMO, the ideal is to show the audience where they're both coming from, even if one is clearly more right than the other, and I don't think you did that here. It's not even necessarily what she does - it's that while you describe her actions, you don't really describe her thought process, even though you did just a few paragraphs up when she and Dawnsfirstbloom were in the library.

That said, once they got to Hagrid's, I loved it. I really enjoyed the way you delved in Hagrid's cooking - Hagrid's cooking was always just a running gag in the books, but you gave it depth in a way that actually made a lot of sense. The mention of the dragons at Gringotts had a similar sort of feel to them - it's subtle world-building that really makes the story, for me, particularly since you were able to tie the details into character development when Scorpius let the multiple-Malfoy-vaults thing slip. There were just so many layers in that very short exchange, and that's really the sort of thing that makes a story for me.

I also like the way you used the visit to Hagrid to develop Scorpius's character in other ways. He's clearly a little stiff and uncomfortable - at first, I thought that he was just awkward when talking to goblins, but no, he's a bit off all the time, isn't he? It's not that he comes off as a bad person or anything, of course - but I do understand how Rose would find him off-putting, because I'd likely have the same reaction. In some ways, though, I wish you'd played that up a little more - it would make Rose feel a little more relatable, where now, she seems like a snob who's just looking for reasons to be irritated with Scorpius.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter, and as always, I really enjoyed it. :)

Author's Response: OK, it's time that I responded to my backlog of your reviews to keep abreast of your thoughts and criticisms - constructive as they are, of course.

I really didn't mind the criticism that you had with how slowly I was developing the character of Rose. I am in this for the long game. I recently tallied some of the chapters that I have written and it will only be in the early thirties that we manage to get out of first year. So I knew that you would discover her personality before too long.

I really had a clear image in my mind of how I wanted her to be: far more in tune with how her dad thinks and acts. She's very much a daddy's girl, but she does have her mum's brains and talents. I'm glad that she is becoming clearer to you.

Yes the Forbidden Forest thing, it really does show her sensibilities. She is not a stick in the mud by any means, but she is far more sensible than others have been in rushing in after danger. *cough* her dad and uncle *cough*

I had to really think hard about this one, just why I wrote it the way I did. Once I re-read it I remembered exactly why I had. The answer is revealed the way you wrote - 'it's that while you describe her actions, you don't really describe her thought process.' The thing is, I cannot describe her thought processes when she said, "I didn't say he was invited," because she had none. It was just a knee-jerk reaction to his presence, there was no thought what-so-ever in her response. It popped into her mind and she said it. When she actually stops to think and gets over how there is something about him that gets under her skin, they can co-exist quite pleasantly. Have a look for most of the time with Hagrid, no fighting, no arguing only a dirty look once. Once they leave it's a different matter and one of them says something to wind the other up (to be fair, Rose will generally be the culprit there). But that's the point, she tends to talk before she engages her brain sometimes, especially when her temper is involved. Don't worry, it will come back to haunt her - there is a particular incident when this very matter comes up in third year and then, as if she hadn't learnt her lesson, in sixth year as well.

A lot of this story is filled with bits and pieces of my head cannon and also a bit of wish-fulfilment. I really hated the way that Hagrid lived in a shack, even after he was exonerated, and that his cooking was a running joke. I wanted to make amends and give something back to a character that I loved from the books.

I'm really glad you liked that exchange. I not only wanted to make amends, but I also wanted to give him a reward. Nothing could make him happier than to look after dragons and I wondered just how that could be possible. Because of all the things I am writing about the goblin culture, it was a natural and logical leap to include them. It all just fit together perfectly. The writing gods also favour you when you can put that sort of stuff down and also do it in a way that illuminates the character of the participants.

I knew that the visit to Hagrid's was going to bring out some of Scorpius that we hadn't seen. I imagine him as a lonely boy growing up, some of the reasons will be explored as the tale goes on, but one of his true joys of his younger life was playing with the dogs kept at the Manor.

So think back to when he came to school on the train. He is stiff, he is sure of his reception and that it's going to be bad. This story is told largely through Rose's perspective and so we are limited with seeing things through the lens of her vision and her perceptions. Part of it, you are right, is that she is a bit of a snob and she is trying to find reasons to be irritated with him. But now we the readers are starting to see a bit more of what makes Scorpius tick, even though Rose isn't.

As of this response the story as a whole has had 5467 reads and this chapter has had 482, thank you all.

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Review #31, by BeeezieSplendor and Gloom: Prologue

26th December 2015:
Hey, I'm here for our Ravenclaw holiday fun event! ♥

I'm adding this to my reading list. I loved this prologue. Your prose was haunting and really made my skin crawl, particularly when she was first waking up; at first, I thought she was having a simple nightmare, but as it became clear that this was a more complex and deep-seeded problem than one bad night, I really found myself getting drawn into the story and wondering what had happened to her.

Prologues can be very tricky, because you have to balance keeping your readers intrigued with giving them enough context that they're drawn into the story. That was masterfully done here; I totally understand the mix of horrifying and exciting, but based on what I've read here, I think you should be leaning toward excitement; this is an amazing start!

Happy holidays!

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Review #32, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Rose Gets Settled In.

13th November 2015:
Hey, I'm back for BvB!

Quick sidetone - I love your chapter image so much. They're all lovely, but this one is particularly so. ♥ (Though quick reminder that I hadn't noticed until now, because I recognize your work - due to some crediting issues, we now require people to credit all banners and CIs, including the ones they made, so remember to add that in when you get the chance.)

I continue to be so fascinated by your characterization of the trio. I do wonder whether you have Ron being a little too open, especially in comparison to Harry and Hermione - a bit more so makes sense, but the extent to which you seem to be setting up is starting to make Ron come off as significantly less mature than his friends, and even though it doesn't seem to me like he's really oversharing, it isn't ideal. That said, I adore the way that you used his stories to segue so seamlessly into Rose's excitement about attending Hogwarts, including her excitement about making new friends and the bit of resentment she feels that Albus has been "stolen" from her.

I love how overwhelmed Dawnsfirstbloom is by everything. Her reaction makes complete sense given her situation, and I really love that you're delving into it in so much detail. My heart went out to her, and while I'm really glad she's gotten the opportunity she has, I can't help but feel bad for everyone who didn't get it. There never seems to be an easy answer for this kind of societal strife.

I am starting to see more of Rose's personality at this point, including a lot of the more positive aspects of it, and I'm really enjoying it. Between this chapter and the last one, I'm understanding a little more of her distaste for Scorpius, and I'm also seeing her loyalty to her friends. I also liked seeing her ingenuity - for a little while, I wasn't really quite sure about the bookmark bit, but once I really stopped to think about, it occurred to me that Fred and George may well have been doing similar things when they were underage, and if Hermione had been a little more prone to rule breaking and raised in a wizarding family, she likely would have been as well - and Ron did say that Rose had inherited her mother's brains.

The sleep thing didn't strike me as off at all, though - I actually really loved your inclusion of it, because while "the heroine doesn't need much sleep" can be a bit of a Mary Sue thing, you've clearly explained and justified it here. People absolutely do need different amounts of sleep, and as someone who falls closer to the "less" end of the spectrum, it's so wonderful to feel like you have more time to do things. When you're sharing space with someone like Rose in in the dormitories, I imagine it would particularly stand out.

A couple things that stood out to me - they're a bit minor, but at the same time, I do think they're worth pointing out, because they have broader implications.

I wasn't a huge fan of the a last name that sounded African in origin and had way too many syllables... etc, either. If just felt a little uncomfortable to me, since you haven't given the same treatment to plenty of other names that Rose likely won't remember. Why not just include the name and then say, "Rose was sure it would take her at least a month to remember all those syllables," for example?

I also want to quickly follow up on some crit I had for the last chapter - the fact that the kid who harassed her before the sorting became a throwaway line really didn't dispel any of my discomfort with the inclusion. In many ways, it made it worse - it's really not a trivial thing to have happen, especially to a young girl in such a new situation, and I still feel like you'd get the sentiment you seem to be looking for if you took the gendered component off the table.

In general, though, great chapter. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words on the chapter images. I did particularly like this one myself (and the train of the first one, and the sorting hat and ...). I had the image in my mind that I wanted to convey of the bookmark and could only do so poorly by my words in the chapter, so what better way to illustrate it than in the chapter image? I have been meaning to put in those credits and did so just before I answered this.

Ron has definitely been more open about his 'adventures', but do not worry, he has self censored them or omitted those which have been inappropriate for an audience of an eleven year old (and younger). If you want to see how he did so for the kids when they were far younger, then I suggest that you peruse my one-shot, A Story For Bedtime (*tries to look all innocent*). In my mind, Ron was the one to sacrifice his career (such that he had) to look after the children. He always knew and accepted that it was his wife who was destined for greatness in terms of work, and took the hit for her. But it wasn't that bad for him, to me, I think that his sense of fulfilment would be in raising a loving family.

The dislocation would be great for Dawn, but she is a fairly up, doesn't-let-things-get-her-down-for-long, sort of person. As to the effect of those who don't get the opportunity, I never know if I make it clear enough, they don't because they can't. And remember there are millions of Muggles who never get the chance to go to Hogwarts either.

I'm really glad that some of the inner goodness of Rose is getting through. She is good at heart, but we see all that unfair dislike directed at Scorpius so I have to show my audience that it is really the exception rather than the rule.

The stuff about her preforming magic, is something that bothered me from the books. If you think about it, the way the ban on the under-aged use of magic is policed is inherently unfair towards Half-bloods and especially the Muggleborn. Rose, a reader of rules and smart to-boot, has seen the obvious loophole and has exploited it. It also fits in, I think with what Fred and George must have done to have all that WWW stuff ready for school.

Rose's sleep patterns are unashamedly a Mary Sue, but it does help my heroine to achieve all that I have her doing. Without the distractions of the internet, I think that she would employ her time extremely well.

OK, so we have ended the fluffy section of the review/response and now must venture under the magnifying glass of criticism.

In every review, since your first, when you have been including these CC's, you have been putting your finger upon vital stuff. It really is heartening to know that some of my subtle intentions are being discerned.

About Asheya's last name; I cannot put in "Rose was sure it would take her at least a month to remember all those syllables," because that would be entirely incorrect. I cannot say terribly much more about this here without spoiling stuff. The only thing I will say, is that where you wrote - 'since you haven't given the same treatment to plenty of other names that Rose likely won't remember.' - my reply is, "really? Have I now? What are her other room-mates names then, for instance?"

Hopefully, by this response you have read my last and what I said of this matter there. She knows what he did was 'pervy' and boys shouldn't do that to girls, but it's far more academically than practically. For Rose it is far more that her personal space was violated than her person. She doesn't see it as a sexual assault at all, like she was violated, only as something physical like a kick or a punch and she responded in kind. It is only we who can see it from our lens of maturity that know it for the crime that it actually is. To Rose it's over, she dealt with it and it's gone. You my readers will see its full ramifications in the fullness of time.

As of this response there have been 4369 (how inappropriate) reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 405, thank you all.

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Review #33, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: The Sorting Hatís Greatest Regret

12th November 2015:
Hey, Andrew! I'm back for BvB!

The Harry-as-an-Auror thing was amazing. I can absolutely see him getting a little Mad-Eye Moody about the whole thing, particularly given his childhood and adolescence (which I'd argue may be as responsible for that kind of approach as his career), and I can absolutely understand why he'd take personal safety and constant vigilance so seriously. I also loved that Ron thought that it was a bit overkill, because that's also true to their personalities and backgrounds - while Ron experienced trauma and loss, I think that he was in a fundamentally different place than Harry and Hermione during the war and in terms of the pureblood thing. It showed in the books, and I think you're continuing that here. At the end of the day, Ron chose to fight the Death Eaters and Voldemort - blood traitor or no, they were clearly happy to leave Percy alone during DH, and if Ron had indicated that he wanted to switch sides, he could have. Having that choice changes the equation - quite a bit, I'd argue. Look at DH - Ron had somewhere to go when he was tired of fighting for the fate of the wizarding world, where Harry and Hermione did not. I'm not trying to be super down on Ron - I just thought that that little exchange that you relayed was really, really interesting, and it got me thinking. :)

I loved the Sorting Ceremony. Now I see what you meant in your review response - Rose's sorting is amazing, and I felt so bad for Scorpius when the hat put him in Slytherin despite him clearly not wanting it. (That does indicate to me, though, that he's very, very strongly Slytherin - if it had been close, I'd imagine that the hat would allow him to choose the other one.) I wonder why he was so opposed to being in Slytherin - hmm. I haven't seen an enormous amount of anti-Slytherin stuff yet, other than a bit from Rose. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. ;) I was wondering whether you'd make them all in different houses, but since Dawnsfirstbloom and Rose are both in Gryffindor, that's clearly not going to be the case. I don't know - maybe Albus will be a Slytherin in the end. That'd make it symmetrical, anyway.

Speaking of which - Albus's sorting was really intriguing. He's coming across as a pretty strong Hufflepuff to me, actually, and the hat seemed to be leaning Gryffindor, but I guess we'll see! I'm interested to see how this plays out. The hat has put a lot of pressure on him, and while it's a bit besides the point, this might put a bit of a dent in his Quidditch aspirations, especially given that first years are allowed to try out now.

A little CC - and I might start to press you a bit more since you've said you like the crit. ;)

This is minor, but the bit in the beginning where Rose says that Hagrid is her godparent along with Harry and Ginny seemed a little excessive to me - ditto with Albus, if he has other godparents. I just didn't understand why Hagrid had to be a godparent vs. a good family friend, especially since while the importance of godparents is established in the series, I can't really imagine it being so important to the trio or Ginny that they felt the need to get greedy. The major reason I'm bringing it up isn't so much Hagrid on his own, but that I feel like the kids are starting to come off a bit too much like special butterflies. Albus and Scorpius can speak the goblins' language, Albus and Rose have lots of godparents and unique sorting experiences, Scorpius has a really big club of people who are grateful to him... it just seems to me like you should strip away the unusual things that aren't plot important so that the ones that are feel more plausible.

The bit with the kid grabbing Rose also seemed out of place - they're presumably both eleven, and it made the scene really uncomfortable in a way that I didn't think was necessary. The same effect could have been achieved if he was just poking her or jostling her. Even when the series got dark, there wasn't usually this kind of violence depicted. While I'm sure it happened, I think it needs to be handled delicately. I really didn't like that gendered bullying is how you establish that Rose is able to defend herself, and I really, really didn't like that what's actually quite a big deal ended up getting mostly shoved to the side because of everything else that happened. Dawnsfirstbloom is wrong - the kid didn't get what was coming to him. By not immediately addressing it, Neville essentially endorsed it. I get that maybe he didn't see the whole thing, etc, etc, but it just felt very out of place, and I think that something less gendered would have been far more effective without carrying a lot of the unpleasant undertones that it's impossible to avoid with this sort of thing.

Otherwise, though, I really enjoyed this chapter. Good job!

Author's Response: Again I have to respond to your review out of turn because I cannot let you loose upon the next chapter (and next review *flutters eyelashes*) without responding to this one.

There is not much that I can say about your first paragraph because I basically agree with everything you agree with. It's also a lot more from his job, he has learnt over time that the byword is Constant Vigilance. I have it in my mind that, yes, he can relax and unwind with his family, but it's never all the way - there is always a little part of him that is on the look out to protect everyone. Even actually his enemies from themselves, that's the sort of man I envision he is.

Thank you for the praise about the sorting, I worked really hard to get it to show their various characters. Dawn's is over quickly, she is an open book. Scorpius's is a bit more protracted and the way I look at it is that it's not so much how Slytherin he is, but that the Hat has given him what he needs and not what he wants. And Rose ... well we shall learn a bit more about that later - after Christmas in Second year to be precise. ;)

And finally Albus; Inclusive and smart and crafty and brave Albus. I have seen his wonderful character placed everywhere, so I thought why shouldn't I. As to his Quidditch aspirations, well gollee if you haven't just uncovered a major plot point. Have I said yet in this response, about my head exploding or how much I love your reviews?

OK, rolls up sleeves, now to get to work.

You've had to make me think about this quite a bit and one of the minor upshots is that I now have a bit of a plot bunny concerning the christening; so thank you very much for the extra work there Beeezie, I really appreciate it *drips with sarcasm*

Some of my kids have three godparents, so I didn't find it that strange at all. It's also a part of Harry's (and Hermione's too to some extent) vision of constant vigilance; godparents are important in JKR's world and Harry would want to spread that protection around, just in case. It is also a big thank-you to someone who he knows will love it and who frankly deserves a bit more family.

And in some ways they are all special little butterflies as you put it, deliberately so. As to stripping away the unusual things that are not plot important, I have to say that most of what I've put into these first few chapters are all plot important; almost everything is relevant. I am writing this with the long game in mind, there are some things in these chapters that won't get paid off until seventh year. There's even one thing in the first chapter that will get it's resolution in one of the epilogues; I kid you not.

OK, this last bit. I can understand your criticism and your concern and even your distaste. Let me first say that you are correct. All of what you said is valid. So what I want you to ask yourself is, if I know this, then why did I put it in?

Let me justify some of my decisions. Yes they are all eleven, that is a vital point. To Rose it is really only physical, there is no real sexual component to it for her that much. There are some kids of a highly sexualised nature, from quite young, especially in boys, and their youth and immaturity leads them to make poor and frankly unhealthy decisions/actions. It wasn't just a throw away thing, the inclusion of this act. The surface of it is light and easily dismissed, you are right about the complicity in the act that the teacher has by not addressing it properly; I've seen this happen. Bullies get away with stuff because it is too hard to rectify their behaviour. Instead their victims are asked to modify their already good behaviour into one that enables the bully to keep doing what she/he wants. I have been the victim of bullying, and funnily enough even at 40+, I still am in my workplace (Ugh), so I will not be treating this lightly. Please trust me.

As of this review 4363 reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 408, thank you all.

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Review #34, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: Birds Of A Feather

11th November 2015:
Hey, I'm back! Your responses were so sweet - I'm glad the reviews were helpful and inspiring! :)

I loved the way this started - I can definitely see Malfoys being so focused on manners and propriety, especially in the aftermath of the war - that's one of the things they wouldn't have to disavow with Voldemort's defeat. It's wonderful that James happened to be there for it - presumably, it woke him up, so I wonder how much of it he really processed properly vs. "Howler, yikes."

I'm really intrigued by their relationship! I like the uneasiness she feels toward him (which in retrospect is I think a better word for it than hostility or dislike), and his... semi-protectiveness, I guess? toward her is fascinating. It's really set the stage well for some kind of relationship in the future.

So, Merrick. I really like her character so far, and I love that she's queer - my headcanon Dominique is a lesbian, so I will be beyond psyched if something actually happens between them.

Great job - this continues to be a really engaging story! I'll keep an eye out for updates. :)

Author's Response: They really are! I just cranked out an entire chapter after reading this one :) You'll have to wait to see just how much of it James processed, but it will definitely be mentioned in future chapters. I didn't want to make them outrightly hostile to one another because I just didn't picture their history being like that and it's become a bit of a cliche in James/OC fics. You'll see more on James and the way he feels about Athena in the future but yes, semi-protectiveness is a great way to describe it. I'm so glad you liked Merrick! She's really fun to write and she plays a large role in helping Athena cope with everything. I didn't originally plan for her to be queer or her to have something with Dom, but it just came to me while I was writing the chapter and I thought it was a good idea so I just went with it. I'm really really glad that you liked it. You'll have to see if anything comes of it, however :) I'm so glad you liked it and once again thank you so so much for your reviews.

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Review #35, by BeeezieColors: Blue

11th November 2015:
Hey, I'm here for BvB! I read this earlier and actually nominated a quote for SOTM, so I'm excited to have an excuse to review it. :P

So I love this song - I've actually had it on endless repeat all day - so I was really psyched once I realized that the title was not just a similarity. It's an amazing song to live up to, but you did it justice.

This isn't a long one-shot, which makes the complexity you've managed to integrate into it even more impressive. The first section is so full of hope and passion and youth, but as the story continues, all of that starts to drain from the picture Rose is (metaphorically) painting until everything is left grey and lifeless.

What's wonderful is that there are so many things feeding into that lifelessness. You have such a realistic depiction of the unfortunate cycle substance abuse and mental illness can take in families, even in people who were harmed by those patterns in their own families. It's heartbreaking to see, and it's especially heartbreaking to see Rose fall into it - because that can happen, too. When you're committed to a relationship, problematic behaviors begin to be normalized so that you have a hard time identifying them and can even get drawn into them.

This was so sad, but so good. Amazing job.

Author's Response: Hi Branwen! Thanks so much for dropping by!

I didn't even realize that you nominated me!! Thank you so much for that!!

I too have had this song on repeat for ages and I just knew I had to write the story. Its so hauntingly beautiful. Halsey's voice is amazing.

It was quite a lot of fun actually writing Scorpius and Rose as destructive instead if how I usually write them. Rose certainly has normalized and adopted Scorpius's very terrible habits and he definitely normalized them from watching his own family growing up. Of course, I do think there was a whole host of things that caused both of them to go down this path that I didn't quite touch on here.

Thanks again for the review :)


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Review #36, by BeeezieHurricane Luna: They Love in a City

10th November 2015:
Hey, Beth! I'm here for BvB!

I remember loving Hurricane Luna, so I thought I'd stop by again and review another chapter. (... which I've totally already read and just hadn't reviewed yet. I'm sorry!)

I love your characterization of Rolf. He's so well done - the dichotomy between how reserved he is and how dreamy Luna is works so well, particularly in the context of how long it's taken him to really warm up to her. His discomfort with social interactions, busy streets, and surprises is something that I think is really easy to identify with - I do think that Luna is good for Rolf, but oh my god, I would have the same deer-in-the-headlights response to "let's go spend time with my friends and their kids!" It's nice to see him making the effort anyway, though - from what I've seen of Rolf, I honestly think that a little of Luna's ability to approach situations with a little more confidence would not go amiss.

That's especially true because it seems like once he does put himself out there, it turns out to not actually be that bad. It seemed like the idea of "kid" was a lot more intimidating to him than actually dealing with a child was. If he hadn't ended "I love" with "Paris," I bet he'd have found the reality a lot less scary than he clearly thinks it is.

I also absolutely adore your world-building and the way you've interpreted existing artwork to fit into the secret wizarding world framework. It's so wonderful, and it kind of makes me want to go to a museum and three and wander around doing the same thing.

Amazing job. ♥

Author's Response: What's better than two Beeezie reviews?

Why, THREE, of course! (thanks so much, by the way)

Eeep! So glad you like my Rolf. I know he's very different than what most people's head canon is. But I really thing Luna would need some balance in her life partner - and clearly Rolf needs it as well!

It's been so long since I've worked on this story that I completely forgot about the Paris chapter and incorporating the artwork and architecture into the story.

Wander the Museum at night? That sounds awesome!

♥ Beth

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Review #37, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Goblin Friends and Friends of Goblins

10th November 2015:
Sooo I've been keeping a lookout for you on BvB, but I couldn't wait any longer. So I'm back. :P

Judging from the end of the last chapter, Iíd originally jumped to the same conclusion as Rose. I love the way you spun that on its head - itís got a lot of really fascinating implications for Dracoís mindset in the present, and it also gives Albusís familiarity with Dracoís name a broader context. Iíd wondered how Draco came up in conversation often enough to register with Albus, and if the scholarships are something heís involved in, that makes a lot of sense. Itís also a really elegant way of sidestepping a lot of the Malfoy prejudice thatís often present in next-gen fics, which I love.

I also felt like I started to get a much better idea of who Rose is as a character this chapter, which was nice - as I said in my last review, she was feeling a little less distinctive than the other main characters, and while I still wish weíd seen a bit more positive sides of her personality in the first two chapters, youíve done an excellent job here. I love that her mind jumps to defending him without any real deliberation even though she doesnít particularly like him, because she just doesnít like bullies. Iíd bet that she ends up in Gryffindor without much deliberation from the hat.

Iím continuing to love how you portray goblin culture here. It seems like youíll be continuing to explore it pretty extensively throughout the fic, which is so fascinating - I canít wait to see where you take it next. The way youíre portraying relationships between goblins based on their individual backgrounds rather than as a monolith is particularly well done; it makes sense, but itís a level of detail that I think a lot of people wouldnít have thought of and/or executed as well as you have. Amazing job. :)

A little CC -

Scorpius seemed a little stiff when he was acknowledging the boy in the beginning. They say that he sounds like Draco, and maybe thatís true, but regardless, it just came off as unnatural to me, even in the context of someone who masks his insecurity with being very polite and proper (which seems to be the case to me right now).

And, while I really like the idea of the Malfoy scholarships, the fact that they exist in the first place makes it feel even more unlikely to me that Albus has never even heard the name Malfoy. Even if he doesnít know about the scholarships in particular - and thereís no special reason why he would - if the Malfoys are that involved in philanthropy, Iíd think heíd at least have heard of them, even if he doesnít have the same context that Rose does.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there, I had to respond to this review out of order, because I have to say some things before you move onto the next chapter (and hopefully it's review *blinks winsomely*). And it's such a sweet thing this unexpected review out of turn. What's more, you also keep calling me on stuff, making me defend my decisions and hopefully justifying them.

On to the 'nice' part to the review then ;)

It was my evil intent to cause my readers that 180 degree about-face. In my defense, I also subjected my Heroine to the same dislocation. I wanted it to raise some interesting questions about what senior Malfoy was now like, especially in the light of how Scorpius is - isn't there some conflicting evidence there? All will be revealed in the fullness of time. As to there being no anti-Malfoy prejudice, we shall have to see about the scope of it's presence or absence too in the chapters to come.

You will have plenty of time to get to know Rose's character, she is my main player after all. In these first few chapters, events took the forward position and the exploration of her, beyond her reaction to those events, was necessarily put on the back burner.

What you said about her sorting, once again made my mind explode. You will see why when and if you get to the next chapter.

As to goblin culture, we will see it explored in chapters to come - it is not a major thread, but it is not insignificant one either. I hate it when an author paints another race as conforming to one pre-set stereotype, it basically means they're stupid and not having the same intrinsic worth as humans. JKR was a little guilty of this with her goblins and House-elves, but to be fair one was a slave race and the other were bankers. They were basically ruthless and very concerned with money and property. Have you seen human bankers, they are not terribly dissimilar. If an alien race were to judge the entirety of our species upon one such narrow profession, then we would not come off the better for it. There is such a large range of differences between groups of people who live in different areas of one country, let alone comparing them to a totally different country. I figure to give goblins the same respect and allow that differences in circumstance and location will result in differences in culture and behaviour.

Now onto the part of my response where you make me work for a living.

You would be completely and utterly correct, if Scorpius used his proper diction and manners to only mask his insecurity. You fail to take into account that there may be other reasons for him doing so than just that. I had the reasons for him speaking so posh worked out in a nebulous way and was gong to leave it at that, but other readers called me on it and the formless ideas had to gel and set. The upshot is that there are other reasons for him 'talking posh' (and others doing it too) and these will be delineated in chapters to come. Again, this is one of the fantastic things about fan-fiction, I've got some wonderful chapters coming up (not published as of responding to this) that were done as a direct result of having this sort of feedback from readers.

Remember Rose had not heard of the scholarships either and she had heard of the name of Malfoy. Let me just say that they are not that well known in the Wizarding world - what you have to ask yourself is who gets the scholarships and why? One thing your review has done for me is to make me realise that I have not worked out where I will tell Rose that in the story and hence my readers. So I thank you for that.

Thank you again for such a lovely and unsolicited response, as of this review the story has had 4317 reads and this chapter has had 432, thank you all

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Review #38, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: Firewhisky Blues

9th November 2015:
Huh. Yeah, Iím really enjoying the way youíre unraveling what it means to be a Slytherin in this next-gen universe. Itís a really interesting take on it, and her reaction to the mere idea of being bullied being ďavoid avoid avoidĒ fits really well with her quitting her job after she faces a somewhat similar situation there. I donít think that sheís a coward, but sheís clearly got different strengths than her brother, and Iím curious to see how those develop over the course of the story.

I also really enjoyed her interaction with James. She clearly doesnít particularly like him, but I didnít feel the really deep hatred that I often see in similar situations, which I liked - there was certainly dislike, but I can already see the potential there, which is wonderful.

Again, Iím sorry these were pretty short - I just wanted to stop in and mention something about them, because I really did have a fun time reading these to validate them. :P

Author's Response: I really wanted to make a point of addressing how I think Slytherin is treated post-war because while I think there are many wonderful aspects of the wizarding world and that there's been many improvements made, I don't see them being so quick to completely change their perception of Slytherins as a whole. As I've said, thank you so much for your kind words--I REALLY appreciate it!

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Review #39, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: The Black Sheep

9th November 2015:
Oof. I loved (loved, loved) the bit in the beginning where Athena was talking about breaking the vase and hiding from her mother because she was afraid of getting in trouble. I thought it was a strong chapter in general, but that part just stood out to me as being such a perfect depiction of how children think. I can remember having at least two occasions in my childhood where I reacted in a similar way - not hiding up a tree, of course, but the same frantic and completely unrealistic plans based in a massive overreaction. It was perfect.

And thatís not even getting into the rest of the chapter, which is, as I said, strong all on its own. Your depiction of Lucius and Narcissa is really fascinating, and Iím not quite sure what to think of them yet. I am starting to get a good sense of why she was put in Slytherin. It seems like thereís a lot of nuance in how you see the houses, so Iím really looking forward to seeing where you take this in the future, particularly if she ends up being the head of Slytherin (which I believe Slughorn was, in DH - Iím not sure whether he stayed on?). My heart went out to her when she remembered the little boy dying - I can understand why sheíd quit and decide she couldnít take it, even though it doesnít seem to have been her fault.

Great job!

Author's Response: When I first started writing this chapter it was SUCH a struggle but once I came up with the idea about vase story it just flowed out of me. Thank you so much for your kind words :)

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Review #40, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: I'll Take You Back to the Start

9th November 2015:
So I don't have time to leave really thorough reviews, but I just read all three chapters of this in the queue and wanted to stop by with some reviews, because I really enjoyed them. :)

This was really well done. I loved the way you introduced Athena - I felt like I got a great sense of her relationship with Scorpius. I particularly enjoyed his threat to use Veritaserum on her if she didnít tell him what was going on - thatís a very sibling-y thing to do in a lot of ways, and if I hadnít already known they were siblings, that would have definitely clarified it for me. I also thought that the way you dealt with her quitting her job was excellent - I was left wondering what happened, and while Iíve gathered more of the picture from the other two chapters, Iím still a little fuzzy about the details. For me, thatís a really good thing, because it keeps the focus on Athena and her current struggles and direction, rather than on the past.

Great job!

Author's Response: I mean this in a good way but you've totally just made me cry with your reviews. You're so sweet and I'm so glad to hear that you like them. It's definitely giving me motivation to write more and I can't even express to you how much you've made my week with your kind words :)

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Review #41, by BeeezieHermione Granger: Ron Needed Her.

9th November 2015:
I just realized that I still owe you for our swap awhile ago, so Iím back for chapter two! ♥

I loved the impotence Hermione expresses at the beginning of the chapter when sheís talking about facing Bellatrix. I can totally see why sheíd feel that once they were on a level playing field, sheíd be a match for Bellatrix - it makes sense on both a personal and post-traumatic level. However, experiencing a situation in which her absolute best still wasnít good enough and in the end, she needed to be rescued again also helps explain why sheís still clearly so caught up in that moment, even a year after the fact. (And, of course, it wasnít even really Hermione being rescued - it was Ginny who was the impetus for Molly stepping in.)

And the way you describe the situation after the battleÖ oh, god. It felt so heartbreakingly realistic - the coughs and the smell that just wouldnít leave her hair made me shudder, because they felt so real.

They also broke my heart, both for everyone that died and for Hermione herself - whoís still in that situation of feeling like she has to be strong for everyone else. I get it. I really do. But itís clear that being there for everyone else is causing her to spread herself too thin and not deal with her own trauma, which was considerable.

Poor Hermione. This is completely in character for her, though, and youíve done an amazing job with her so far.

Author's Response: Hiya Branwen,

TWO amazing reviews - thanks so much!

I'm like a puddle of goo over here because you picked up on exactly what I was trying to convey with this chapter. Every major point in this chapter, you made a comment on and I really appreciate it.

My plan for this is to show her slow descent into herself - and then, hopefully how she finds her way back.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #42, by BeeezieHermione Granger: Prologue: Harry Needed Her

9th November 2015:
Hey, Beth! Iím here for BvB!

I loved this. I think that the pretty quick progression of events after Harry, Hermione, and Ron escaped from the Malfoy Manor often ends up meaning that Hermioneís experience in the Malfoy Manor gets overshadowed. I know that I personally donít always see it as being particularly significant in terms of lasting repercussions, maybe in part because I got a little jaded to the Cruciatus Curse over the course of the series because we see it used pretty frequently.

But now youíve reminded me that experiencing it caused Nevilleís parentsí to be permanently incapacitated and no longer able to care for themselves, and while Hermione presumably wasnít subjected to it for the length of time that they were, she did get a lot more of it in one go than Harry ever did, even without Bellatrix putting her own nasty little twist on the spell - which is a wonderful touch on your part, and one that I find completely believable. And, on top of all of that, Hermione was in a highly charged situation immediately following that experience that on some level helped her avoid fully processing what had happened - which, of course, can be both a good thing and a bad thing.

The fragility you describe in the beginning of the chapter was completely convincing to me, and the way Ron reacted to it came off to me as being completely believable and genuine. The war has clearly taken a toll on her, and I suspect itís not all Bellatrix - the year they spent on the run was stressful from start to finish for her and Harry in particular, because they had to hold it together when Ron either wasnít there to contribute or just wasnít helping the already-bad situation. (Actually, I wonder if some of Ronís protectiveness that youíre showing here stems from guilt? Hmm.)

Youíre wonderful. Amazing, amazing job. :)

Author's Response: Hi Branwen,

Gah! This review is so, so kind. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to it.

This story spun itself off of a chapter I wrote for my novel with a "Rose and Hermione" moment. And I'm so thrilled that you agree about Hermione and the cruciatus curse. I really wanted to explore her PTSD, which I thought would begin to take hold shortly after the celebrations following the final battle. Because she went back to Hogwarts to complete her seventh year without Ron and Harry, I think she'd have a rather tough time without them.

Thanks so much!

♥ Beth

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Review #43, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Dawnsfirstbloom

8th November 2015:
Hey, Andrew! I'm back for BvB! (Maybe this time I'll be lucky enough to snag a review from you. :P)

So funny story - the first time I saw the name "Dawnsfirstbloom," it was completely out of context, and I remember things "oh dear, some My Immortal-esque writer is mucking around HPFF writing a terrible story." I realized what the context was shortly after that. Suddenly it all made a lot more sense, and I was super intrigued by the premise.

Your execution doesn't fall short. You did a wonderful job working the explanation for the goblins' presence in - it fit well within the flow of the chapter, and you also described it in a way that made sense. It does make me feel a little bad for those one or two goblins a year who can go to Hogwarts, too - it must be so lonely in a lot of ways, even if they do make friends. Judging from Albus's initial interactions with them as well as some of the things they mention in that conversation, they come from such a different culture.

Even as they adapt, I imagine that it will be tough going in a lot of ways, and I'm really curious to see how you execute that long-term, especially since Albus in particular (but also Scorpius to some extent - I read ahead :P) seems to be of such a different status than them, which also makes sense once I stop to think about it. While there is a "we're all equal" status at Hogwarts that Albus was trying to emphasize, it might be hard for them to put that hierarchy aside completely if that's been a huge part of their cultural paradigm. Dawnsfirstbloom's excitement about buying them all sweets was adorable, but it also did emphasize some of the huge differences in culture.

And, while I know that it's getting far ahead of myself, it also makes me wonder what will happen when they return home for breaks and have to readjust the way they talk about their close friends. That may be slightly over involved for this fic - I'm just so curious to see how you navigate this!

I loved the chapter. All of that said, though, there were a few things here and there that I think you could have improved. While I loved Dawnsfirstbloom and how she fit into the chapter overall, I did question Rose having quite so strong an impression of her personality, particularly the idea that if she wasn't out of her depth, she'd be "strutting the stage with confidence." It just seems like a bit of a leap for someone to know that by looking at her for a few seconds, and I wish you'd toned it does a little bit.

I also had the vague feeling after reading this chapter - and I know it's still early, so take this with a huge grain of salt - that Rose was significantly more flawed and less likable than Albus and Scorpius. She didn't have as big a part in this chapter, so in some ways it makes sense, but after two chapters, I'd have liked to feel a little more of a connection with all four of the main characters, and at this point, I feel like Dawnsfirstbloom is more engaging despite only popping up this chapter. Whether or not that remains the case for Rose later on in the story, I do wish that after 8000+ words, there'd been a little more to her.

Otherwise, though, excellent job! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review. I'm getting a lot of positive reviews and that's really great, don't get me wrong, but I love reviews like yours that call me on stuff. This to me is one of the beauties of the fan-fictions, this ability to have such immediate feedback before the work is even close to being finished.

What I have been doing with the female goblin names is to keep up a trope of Sci-Fi that if the males are all/mostly named a certain way, then so too will be the females, but in a different, but consistent way. All male goblins have a two word name (some older ones have two syllable ones, which is close to the trend) so I gave all the female ones three syllable names.

There are huge differences in culture and what is more, goblin society is not all one homogeneous culture either - just like humans are not. There will be explorations, through the agency of Dawnsfirstbloom, exploring her adaptation to the human world, of goblin culture and her place therein. It will not be a dominant feature of the story, but there will be a lot more revealed as time goes on - especially when they return home for Christmas and again at the end of term. So when you said that in your review, my head nearly exploded.

As to the 'everyone at Hogwarts equal is,' that's not official doctrine, that's just Albus' big, inclusive heart.

And then in the review the stuff I love.

It is a bit of a leap. In the first few drafts of the story, it was even more so until my wonderful beta of the time pointed it out. It does concern me, but I have left it in for a few reasons. One is that a lot happens on this train journey (a lot) and I didn't want to stretch it out too much more that a longer build up would have entailed. Also, Rose is generally fairly obtuse when it comes to discerning the feelings of others. She thinks she's better than she is because within her limited acquaintances (mostly family) she knows them inside and out. I wanted Rose just to 'get' Dawn from the very beginning, that here is one person with whom she be friends unconditionally. Also, Dawn is really an open book; from the start of any acquaintance with her, anyone will know her because what you see with her is what you get.

So her falling into such deep friendship with Dawn right from the start was a bit abrupt, but I'm happy enough with it. It echoes the similar things in Harry in his first train journey, he makes his best friend and worst enemy fairly quickly over the course of that journey too.

Ah Rose, what am I to do with her. As I've stated before, I am basing the overall plot of this story upon P&P and as such it has a Lizzy and Darcy who are, naturally enough, reflected in this work by Rose and Scorpius. Unfortunately for Rose, she is going to have most of the faults of Lizzy and Darcy - the pride and the prejudice. She will be disavowed of each in time, but it will take time and that is what I have in starting this tale from first year - time to let these things show and resolve before the romance can happen (when it is the right time to do so when they are older).

One of the problems that then presents itself, is my readers falling out of like with Rose. She will come across as seemingly bratty and too prejudiced, but all of it (I hope to show) is aimed at Scorpius and not just because he is a Malfoy. It's because Rose has never met anyone like him in her life before ever: he's prissy and neat and well behaved and timid. None of the boys in Rose's life are like it, none and she has a few cousins and the like to select from. And add to that whole list something else, something about him that just gets under her skin and she is too immature and naive to know that it's attraction.

I normally answer these reviews in order, but I just had to respond to some things you said in this. As of this review 4305 reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 610, thank you all.

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Review #44, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

8th November 2015:
Hey! I'm here for BvB!

I'm so glad I finally caught you - I've been meaning to review this for a very long time, and now I finally have an excuse!

I loved this chapter so much. Your writing style is so engaging, and your take on the characters is wonderful. I love the way Albus and Rose interact with each other and with Scorpius - Rose doesn't come across to me as being unfriendly in general, but she's definitely internalized a lot of her father's prejudice, and it makes sense - I don't think Ron would have moved on from his animosity with Draco in quite the same way Harry (and, IMO, Hermione) did, because he does tend to hold a grudge - and, of course, the grudge is a little more personal for him in any case, because he grew up in a situation where it makes sense that he'd be comparing his family to the Malfoys and feeling resentful about their significant difference in situation. (I love the way Rose internalized that, too - the gold plates made me laugh!)

I'm also really intrigued by what you've given us of Harry's character. I can definitely see him just calling Draco Malfoy "Draco," and I can Albus would have failed to connect the two (though it does strain my credulity a little that Albus would have never heard of the name Malfoy, even if just in passing, particularly since Scorpius seems to be a little bit of a loner - maybe it's by choice, but it seems like part of it is likely because of his family's reputation). Albus seems to me to be a lot like Harry on his first train ride - really friendly and interested in making friends, and it's nice to see it swing around full circle to his befriending a Malfoy.

I also love the touch of the goblins on the Hogwarts Express - the idea of goblins attending Hogwarts fits so nicely with some of the underlying themes of the series, particularly surrounding magical non-humans and the prejudice they face. It also makes sense to me that goblins would be some of the first to break that barrier - while there's obviously tension between goblins and witches/wizards, they do have a history of working closely together in at least some situations (unlike centaurs or merpeople, for example) and they seem to view each other as being on semi-equal footing (unlike house elves). It's so well-done, and there's so much potential with their inclusion.

This is a great chapter - really amazing job!

Author's Response: I'm in the mood to clear out my unanswered reviews so here I am back to the start of yours. I have responded to your reviews out of order because after this one you started calling me on stuff and I had to respond. By comparison this review is all sweetness and light. ;)

First off, thank you. I am always concerned because my writing style is a tad archaic for these times. That I am writing something that is based in no small part upon Pride and Prejudice, allows me a bit more freedom and the ability to get away with more in that vein.

As you pointed out in the following reviews, it takes a while for Rose's true personality to be established, so it's not so much that she has internalised her father's prejudice, but that it is Scorpius himself who has 'upset' her. Not angered so much, just upset her equilibrium and gotten under her skin.

Though I think that your take on Ron is quite on the money for me. I think he has forgiven Draco though - there were signs of that in the JKR books themselves - but forgotten, well that's another matter. A significant amount of time has passed and age does temper one's judgement and memory. Ron was always one to chafe under his family's near poverty, that I think he would remember that Malfoy was always so rich and arrogant with it. So that would have stuck with him more and I believe come out in subtle digs at the memory of Draco whenever he could.

As to Rose and the golden plates, I've found in myself and others, that as children we make assumptions and causal links of how things work in the world that are just plain incorrect. These often persist for years and our later childhood and early teens a full of moments when our assumption bubbles are burst when we are informed by stark contrast with the harsh reality.

I really wanted to make the attempt to have Albus be unaware of the Malfoy name, yes it is a bit of a stretch but it does show a few things that are worth the effort. Firstly what it says about the father is worth the attempt alone. To me it shows that he has truly forgiven Draco and that's the take upon Harry I wanted to show. Secondly it also shows something of Draco too, if Albus has never heard the name, it's not just his father that mustn't have been saying it. If you follow the logic train, then Draco must also have been keeping his name out of the public eye too.

Albus is probably the heart of this story. We are of course interested in the developing relationship between the two leads, but the story wouldn't have as much depth without the presence of Albus in it. Thank you for noticing, I was really trying to capture the spirit of that first train ride of Harry's with what I was writing. Having it swing around to him befriending a Malfoy, as you mention, was for me the icing on the cake.

I've said before that what I'm writing is basically a standard hate-turns-to-love Rose/Scorpius tale, the only thing that will set it apart is the world building that I am attempting to do. The presence of Goblins is one such thing and follows on from my other Post-Hogwarts story and the actions of Harry to rectify some of the inequities he sees in the wizarding world. Thank you for that, I'm glad you can see the potential. We will be discovering more about their world as the series progresses, especially when the kids take their breaks from school.

Thanks for the lovely review, I already know that it is the first of many such. As of this review there have been 4454 reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 850, thank you all.

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Review #45, by BeeezieTrying not to love you: Chapter twenty-six - An Apology

1st November 2015:
So I don't have a lot of time to review, but I just read this for the queue and I had to come say something, because I loved the chapter. ♥

It's been awhile since I read TNTLY, but I fell back into it really easily, and I loved the way you moved everything forward here. The relationship with Joshua had definitely started to become concerning for me, because I felt like while Gwen thought it was good for her and while Joshua is clearly a really great guy, she was feeling so guilty and conflicted that being in the relationship was starting to be a constant source of self-loathing and guilt, which is never a good thing.

I don't feel like I got much new out of her relationship with James this chapter, other than a little more sexual tension and jealousy (because James, don't give me "You just looked so peaceful" - you were doing a little sabotage, and I think you probably even know it on some level), but that was good IMO - all of the revelations that came out of her conversation with Joshua were more than enough, and the familiar stability and closeness she got from James were a nice counter to all of the stresses in her life, particularly after a long hiatus.

So yeah. Great job, write more, ♥ ♥ , etc. :P

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Review #46, by BeeezieTick Tock: time is running out

20th September 2015:
Hey, Olivia! I'm here for BvB! ♥

I really love what you did here. You've loaded so much emotion and backstory into a short one-shot, and it feels chillingly real. My heart went out to Romilda from the beginning - it's a really poignant reminder that there wasn't really a simple happily-ever-after once Voldemort is defeated. Romilda was left in an impossible position in so many ways, and it's not surprising that she's struggling to deal with the result.

I also found her place of employment absolutely fascinating. Borgin and Burkes was presented to us as a kind of sleazy shop with a little too close a focus on the dark arts, so the idea that they've hired a Muggleborn seemed odd to me. The way that Romilda describes feeling unsafe there, though, particularly because of the way Burke looks at her, brought some of that into a different focus, and when she's sent to go deal with things that former Death Eaters wanted to get rid of, I also wondered when part of it was just that Burke wouldn't care if the Muggleborn was injured/maimed/killed dealing with dangerous artifacts.

I wonder why that man was following her, and if he was there on someone else's orders. It does seem to me, though, that working at Borgin and Burkes is probably a job in which it's hard to lie low in quite the same way she might elsewhere. The clientele is disproportionately weighted toward people who would like to do her harm, particularly since she has access to some of their secrets, and "the girl who works at Borgin and Burkes" is a pretty easy target. Poor Romilda.

Olivia, that was so good. I loved it.

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Review #47, by BeeezieOblivious to the Obvious: Hatred Behind The Scenes

9th September 2015:
Hey, Mikaela, I'm here for BvB! :) I hope it's okay that I've come back to this rather than review your most recent one-shot - I didn't see you specify in the thread, and I was really interested to read the second chapter.

I'm continuing to really enjoy this! Hailey's voice is so strong, and while I know that Wood can be a little overbearing and difficult from Harry's perspective, I can see how he'd come off more so to someone else, particularly someone who's more of a peer and who's intentionally pushing his buttons and who's clearly got a very high opinion of herself. (The "most important player" bit at the end was definitely a little overboard.)

And the thing is, while I don't like the way he's intimidating her at all, I do think that he has a point when they're - ah - talking, I guess, in the beginning of the chapter. She's prickling at it, but honestly, yeah - it doesn't matter how good she is at flying if she's a pain to work with and undermines him at every turn, particularly at tryouts. She's clearly resentful of that, but I have a hard time blaming him for it. It's not a good example to set, and I'd be bothered, too.

It was nice to see that after that, the tryouts did go smoothly. He was a little weirdly formal at times and Hailey and Angelina seemed to me to be pretty clearly reciting from a script that he'd given them, but that made sense to me in the context of Wood's personality as we saw it in the books. I did find the way he picked a fight with her afterward to be really interesting, though - it seems like she's not the only one who's argumentative, and I'm starting to see why she's so defensive and responds to him like she does. There absolutely is a sense of "you can't do anything right" that I'm getting from him, and it's really not productive.

Yeah, the dynamics in this are really fascinating. I love the way you've crafted your characters and their relationships with each other.

As I mentioned last review, there are some little things that stuck out to me, though. I know you said that you haven't really had a chance to go back and edit and I know from your recent stuff that you have a good idea of what flows well, so I don't want to spend too much time on this, but -

Again, your dialogue tags definitely impacted the flow of the chapter, and I think that when you do get a chance to edit, you should take at least half and maybe even two-thirds of them out. I also noticed a fair number of typos (including one at the end of the chapter where you seem to switch to second person), and there's too much "as" and "after" and "before" attached to actions. (E.g., George asks me, his look concerned as I shift my stance and take slow steady breathe. - I'm assuming this should be breath, as well.) It's just not necessary.

And moving beyond the basic mechanics, I did feel like there were times when the dialogue stretched out a bit. For example, in the scene with Fred and George toward the beginning of the chapter, the conversation got a little tedious by the time they headed up to the castle. It would have worked much better, IMO, if you'd cut some of it out in favor of something along the lines of Fred and I bickered back and forth for a few more minutes before George finally dragged us off to dinner.

Overall, though, this was thoroughly enjoyable. I loved it.

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Review #48, by BeeezieFinding Him: manor.

17th August 2015:
Hey, Sama! I'm here for our swap & BvB! ♥

I'm super curious about Nutshell, which looks fascinating, but I figured that since I'd already read the first chapter of Finding Him, I should continue on with that. If you'd like to do a multi-chapter swap, though, I'd totally be up for it! :)

So, first off, and totally unrelated to your writing: did you make that CI? Because it's absolutely adorable. I love it. (Sorry - I figure you understand, though. :P)

I love Rose's reticence to sit with Albus's friends - the discomfort she feels around other Slytherins but not around him is a nice touch, and it's very realistic to me... despite the fact that your Albus really does come across as very strongly a Slytherin! The way he immediately asks for her help when she sits down really made me laugh - there's acerbic wit, opportunism, and affection all rolled into one. Perfect job.

I also love, though, that her pride is such that when Scorpius actually challenges her, she rises to the occasion - and finds that his friends really aren't so terrible after all. I'm wondering whether she just has selective memory or whether she doesn't actually spend much time with Albus in groups. I guess either is possible.

Really, though, I enjoy Rose's characterization in general! I appreciated her repeated dodging her family's pressure to get her flat connected to the floo network, and to be honest, I don't blame her. I certainly wouldn't want that direct connection - it strikes me as giving other people way too much power to waltz into my living space uninvited, and I like privacy. I also enjoyed the juxtaposition between her thoughts about Slytherins in school and her actually seeking out Astoria Malfoy for help - it really speaks to how much she's changed and how close to Scorpius she was. My heart goes out to her, and I'm curious to see what happens next!

There are a couple little things I do want to point out, though.

When Rose first heads over to sit with Albus, she thinks about Scorpius as a blonde [she's] already been warned about in first year - that seemed a little off to me. While I can see her having that reaction in her first or even second year, it strains my credulity that she'd remember it at all or that she'd have so little exposure to him that something her father said more than six years ago would come to mind. It's minor, but I thought I'd mention it. Along the same lines, it seemed a little odd to me that there were students in Rose's year (presumably - I'm assuming the girl sitting with Amy and Sophie is a seventh year as well) who she doesn't even know the names of. I can understand not speaking to them, but they've shared classes for years - you'd think she'd have learned their names.

I also noticed a couple little typos - when Rose is talking to Astoria, you wrote I'm scared she dpesn't as opposed to doesn't, and in the next line, you write any clue to wear he is when I think you meant to write where.

Those are minor, though, and otherwise, I think you did a wonderful job here. Jumping between time periods generally worked out well, despite there being several different jumps, which is really impressive! I do wish that I had a better sense of when seventh year was in comparison to the present, though - it did confuse me at points.

I loved this, though, and I'm so curious to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Branwen! Hi!

I would have been okay with a review on Nutshell or Finding Him so I didn't really have a preference. But it's great to hear your feedback on this story since you are a Queen of Scorose yourself.

I laughed when I read the graphic comment. Yes, I did make it and I can totally understand! I was trying (and slightly failing) to use negative space haha. Though I have to say I can stare at your graphics all day!

I can see Rose having a struggle with Slytherins. It's like she keeps thinking back to what she's heard about them and what her Dad would sometimes mention and then at the same time trying to reason with herself that she shouldn't generalize and stereotype and her favorite cousin is a Slytherin so they can't be that bad. I'm glad you liked that detail... I could always see the Wotters asking Rose for help and Rose almost always giving in.

I would think a little bit of both. Rose probably doesn't find it very important to remember any time she's interacted with Al's Slytherin friend group and I can picture her wanting to stay away from them. Anytime she hangs out with Albus it is usually Al and her only or with family included as well.

I can see a lot of the Wotters invading each other's home unannounced, them being so close knit and all and also them being a bunch of Gryffindors (who in my opinion tend to act before they think which is totally fine. makes everything more exciting).

Thank you immensely for pointing those mistakes out since now I won't have to work as hard to find them!

The time period jumps are very new for me, seeing as I tend to only write flashbacks when it comes to going back to the past and even that is only due to plot purposes. It's great to hear that the time period shifts are working and hopefully as I get better at weaving the present and past into each other the shifts won't be as confusing!

Thank you so much for stopping by Branwen! I had a great time with our swap and taking time to read one of your stories is always a pleasure! Thanks again!


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Review #49, by BeeezieKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Coffee Stains

17th August 2015:
Hey, J! Here for our swap & BvB!

I loved this story from the first three lines. I've totally had days like this, and I'm pretty sure I've even had days like this in July. July is a horrible month.

And by days like this, I mean rain/spilling your drink (though for me it's usually tea or seltzer) specifically, not just abstract bad days. And just dropping things in general. Especially hot things. On the day they handed out grace, I called in sick.

It was just such a wonderful way to introduce both Lorcan as a character and the story as a whole. I really don't think you could have made the opening scene any better - you included just enough detail to make me feel invested and ended the scene with a huge punch that would have been evil if it had happened at the end of the chapter.

I like MFS, a lot - but I feel like with this story, you're really starting to hit your stride in a way you haven't yet with that. The narrative is just a little crisper and more polished - maybe part of that is just a much more manageable cast of characters, but there are also more lines that I just adored. I loved the My parents had been supportively confused... bit - I could see that being Luna's response, too! The jazz hands accompanying Harry's potentially lying to Lily also had me giggle.

I'm so interested to see how you develop this, because I can see this cast of characters turning out to be a lot of fun. You've crafted some really entertaining OCs, and I'm so curious to see how Branson does - I can see you talking this in so many different directions, including both her flaming out very early and her winning it!

Out of curiosity, is this Lily the same Lily as the one in MFS? I just ask because some authors (myself included, haha) do try to keep everything within the same universe, while others don't.

Anyway. I'm really loving this, and I can't wait to read on! ♥ (Also: favorited. :P)

Author's Response: Ahh thanks for this review Branwen! Your reviews are always wonderful.

July is a terrible month! I actually started with this day happening in September, but then I moved it around because of Plot and the first line was born. A lot of Lorcan's clumsiness is borne of my own misadventures, so I'm glad you also related haha! I literally always spill whatever I'm drinking. It's like a terrible, terrible talent, and also something I should have grown out of at like...age 8.

Haha I considered stretching out the announcement to happen at the end of the chapter! But I couldn't do a cliffhanger like that...could I? But I'm so glad you liked the opening of the story! I think it's really representative of so much about Lorcan/his voice so it's nice to see you responding so well to it. :)

So your comments about this vs. MFS made me think really hard about it, and I really agree. MFS was my first fic in ~3 years, so it's natural that there's some rust I'm still getting over! Something I think differentiates them a lot is the voice the story is written in-- not just in that it's first person here and third person there, but this story is so much about Lorcan and his character that I think it really shines through. MFS is very much about the characters and their development to me, and that's always been my focus, but for KCACO I want the writing and character and plot to all be more intertwined, if that makes sense. Whoops, I'm rambling! But. Yeah. I agree with you. This story speaks to me as a whole, while in MFS, I just really love the characters.

I'm glad you liked Luna's reaction to Lorcan's letter! I'm always terrified of writing canon characters so I avoid it as much as possible, to be honest. I really enjoyed the jazz hands bit as well! Also, fun fact: Google docs is convinced jazz hands is one word for some reason.

I hope you like where the story goes! I think I have the big picture working itself out in my head, so hopefully that won't disappoint. :)

I live in awe of your fic universe, but alas, KCACO is separate from MFS. It could've been the same universe, but there are just some parts of this fic that differ from MFS enough that I don't really think they overlap. (Which is partially because I'm writing a Scorose story that overlaps with MFS in ways that wouldn't translate to KCACO, but that's a story for a different day.)

Ahhh thank you so much for the favorite!! I kinda freaked when I saw that to be honest!! I hope you like the rest of the story! Sorry for the extremely ramble-y response-- I should probably go to bed or something!


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Review #50, by Beeezie(Parenthetical) Asides: Unattainable

14th August 2015:
Here for our swap and BvB!

Omg, Mallory. I hesitated to read this because I absolutely adore Jily, and I didn't really want to see it sunk. But it caught my eye regardless, so after a fair amount of avoidance, I decided to jump in. And... well, omg. You win at life.

Because while this is AU in more ways than just the Muggle world bit, it definitely gets at a darker side of James's feelings for Lily - one that Harry, to his credit, saw and was disturbed by. I personally feel like you can't ever really be in love with someone unless they love you back, because if they don't, you can't really know them. That's always been my issue with Snape's enduring feelings for Lily, and it really could have so easily been James as well. Early on, it probably was James, albeit in a much less creepy way than this.

And you captured how awful and gross and frankly scary it is when someone idolizes you in that way. I had someone do that to me - thankfully it was from a distance after I broke up with him, but there were a lot of scary emails and phone calls and e-stalking for years. I still have anxiety attacks when I see someone who looks like him or get a call from someone in his area code. And how Lily felt? Yes. That's how I felt, including how much a new relationship could heal you. Consequently, this ended up being so incredibly personal for me, and I felt like you did a wonderful job with it.

A wonderful, creepy job.

And +eleven gazillion to making Lily a lesbian. I love Jily, but that was such a wonderful ending to this story. ♥

I really loved this. Favoriting!

Author's Response: Hi Branwen! Sorry it's taken ten years for me to answer this. ._.

Yeah, it's hard to sink Jily, so that's why I did an AU. It's easier to imagine a whole different universe than to think that canon James would actually do this stuff.

I'm always really disturbed by fanfics that idolize the idea of obsessive love. It's gross and not romantic, and I'm sure you hate them too. Definitely an issue with Snape, which is why I can't like him, no matter what. Yeah, I think the real James's feelings were all much less creepy than Snape's, but still could've been slightly off-balance at the beginning.

Aggghh! I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad, though, that I could capture it semi-realistically, because I've never actually had that happen to me. :/// That makes me really sad for you. But I'm very happy that you, like Lily, have found someone new and the other person can just get out. Forever.

Yes, I was excited to make Lily a lesbian because I like the idea that she was maybe bi at Hogwarts, and this AU just begged for her to be in love with someone who was just so much the opposite of James in every single way. And Marlene definitely is--not overbearing, not going to take advantage, understanding of Lily's struggle with persistent males, the list goes on. They're also just really stinkin' cute together.

Thanks so much again for your review!


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