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Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
  
602 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PixileaninPresent and Future: Chapter 1

27th April 2017:
I think this is a great idea to have Victoire and Teddy at odds with each other in this story. It adds some spice to the beginning, and also makes me wonder if you will keep them this way, or if they will morph into something different later on. Thoughts...

Your dialogue was written very lively-like. I could hear all the characters in my head as they yammered at each other and annoyed the living daylights out of each other as well. It seemed realistic that way, how the cousins interacted at the obligatory family gatherings. I could see how some of them were tired of each other, and others were more inclined to like the gatherings. Nice portrayal of the family event.

One thing I wasn't sure about was Victoire's mother not checking ALL her pockets. If I had a daughter whose pockets needed checking, I'd check ALL of them, and demand to see the invisible pockets as well. If you've got a smart kid, you've got to keep a few steps ahead of them. Just saying...

It was a little sad that poor Victoire felt like her birthday wasn't the best. It didn't sound very pleasant, but I like that she took it in stride. I'm not sure how I would have felt if she'd been overly dramatic about it . I'm glad she wasn't, because that would have put me off the character. I'd not have been so sympathetic. I think your choice to have her accept it as it was made her more relatable and also gave me more sympathetic feels.

So all in all, this was a typical family gathering, and I got a good feel for the characters. I wonder what's going to happen next?

Nice read!

Pix

Author's Response: Hello! Nice to see you here :)

I was kinda annoyed at how Teddy and Victoire never really got an interesting story, or if they did, they always just had crushes on each other. So this story was born. :)

I'm glad you liked the way you portrayed the family gathering. I mean, there are about 50 Weasley/Potters, someone's bound to not like it, right? I agree that it wasn't Fleur's smartest moment in not checking all of Victoire's pockets but I kind of just imagined Vic would be able to get away with some things, the smuggling salt included ;)

It's actually interesting how you mentioned her not being overly dramatic. Someone else commented on her being the exact opposite, so really, I'm a bit lost there. But I don't mind interpretations being more varied (personally, I feel sympathetic towards Vic too)

Thanks for the lovely review! :)


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Review #2, by PixileaninThe Time Has Come: River Styx

27th April 2017:
This is really cool, reading about Azkaban. Too many authors just go with, "oh yeah, there was Azkaban", but I love your description of it, and the focus on the place overall seems really unique.

I'm also vested in the glimpses of canon that we see in this scene. It places where and when the story takes place, and has me guessing who this character might be, and who she went to visit. The setup is all so mysterious, and I enjoy when stories begin this way and keep me guessing all the way through. I wonder if this is going to be one of those.

Ah, and then we forward to Harry, who is just as troubled as we always see him. I like the reveal of who has gone missing through Arthur's announcement at dinner. Nice segue, and also nice reveal in a different setting. It connects things gracefully together.

Ahhh!!! This is going to be AU, isn't it? With all of them going back to school for their 7th year? Very brave of you to follow this story line. Now I'm guessing all kinds of things that you might have up your sleeve. Nicely done, an intriguing first chapter/prologue that pulled me in.

Pix

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Review #3, by PixileaninTo Prevent An Unfortunate Series of Events : Gryffindor Tower

8th April 2017:
Ah, Sirius is a piece of work, isn't he? I mean, he's not letting up, and she's the new girl, and so I guess she's assuming that she's the "fresh meat" in the room. But seriously (and not the pun), the boy is relentless. It's funny that she slapped him, albeit playfully. His friends weren't expecting it, which is equally funny. From where Hermione comes, I'm sure it's more common for the guys to be called out for inappropriate behavior. I like how this small move showcases the differences in time. It's subtle, but it did something for me.

Ah, and James isn't any better with Lily, I see. Well, it's nice to see her as Head Girl, and inserting herself into Hermione's circle, just in case she needs a hand. The cool descriptions of Lily's eyes were great. The connection was clear, and the way it gave Hermione pause was some excellent writing.

I also like how the Common Room is exactly the same, but instead of giving her comfort, it's another source of stress for Hermione. I really like the familiarity that doesn't give her rest, but I do hope that Hermione can find some aspect of her new surroundings that lets her unwind. The girl is going to pop a blood vessel with all the tension inside of her.

"She needed an escape."

As I was saying...

Well, this is interesting. There are only two beds in this room. I wonder what this means? It's definitely different, but I'm glad that Lily will be her roommate instead of some random other person. This intrigues me. I must know what happens next.

Another great chapter!

Pix

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Review #4, by PixileaninTo Prevent An Unfortunate Series of Events : Welcome to Hogwarts

8th April 2017:
CTF

Hi there. Hermione has some astute observations about the Marauders, particularly Peter. I like that you have him so unassuming here, and that Hermione can't see what she knows will inevitably be. It makes sense, because his closest friends couldn't see it, or believe it of him either. Nice play.

That's really heartbreaking for her, that she's coming to this familiar place and no one knows who she is. You write this with a lot of conviction. I hurt for Hermione when she couldn't call out to Hagrid even, someone whom she had gotten quite attached to. It's the exact opposite feeling of most homecomings that we read in Hogwarts, where everyone's so excited to be here, and the poor girl has so much to fear.

"Hermione had to get ahold of herself and not be taken in by the charm of her best friendís future godfather. "

Um well, since this seems to be one of the points of the story, it's highly unlikely that she'll succeed with that notion. Though I can't blame her for trying. Maybe she'll last longer than I think she will. lol.

The Sorting Hat, I love reading about it! It only added to Hermione's apprehension, which you write very convincingly, and I appreciate how it went back and forth between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, but then landed on the correct House, and rhymed doing it. Bravo!

Well, at least Hermione can breathe just a little bit easier, knowing she's in Gryffindor, and has a few new friends to give her a bit of support. It will be interesting to see how she holds up after this initial meeting.

A strong chapter, with lots of tension. Nicely done!

Pix

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Review #5, by PixileaninLike a House on Fire: What an Idiot

2nd April 2017:
Oh gosh, it's the last chapter! One thing I can say for this story, part of the charm of it, is that you kept the cuteness factor high, while balancing it with some seriousness in between. That definitely maintained the tingly feelings without spilling over into that over-the-top sensation of all-out mush.

Millie and Sirius both had some real-life issues that were important... that they felt were important enough to deal with, which rooted the story and kept these characters grounded. Sure, there was some amount of fluff, but it didn't feel like "fluff", not any of that "nothing else matters except for you even though the world is falling apart around us" nonsense that gets under my skin in a bad way.

This is what I appreciated about the ending. Sirius matures enough to say what he means. Millie gets over her insecurities to actually talk truth with him. And the best part for me was that she made the last move. That was paramount to how I felt about the story as a whole. It was Millie's story, even though we got to see Sirius come a long way as a character. It was Millie's journey, where she got to realize that something she wanted could be hers, if she was brave enough to go for it. We know there's danger lurking in their future, but maybe we can imagine that their future is less bleak if they face it together. I loved the title of your final chapter, and equally how it tied in to the end of the story. I felt fulfilled. Satisfied. All tingly, even.

So much of this story was such fun to read. You kept most of it light, but you also kept it real. Fantastic job on your first novel. This is a story you should be proud of ten years from now. So glad I got to revisit it and (finally) add my last reviews!

Pix

Author's Response: The end is here! I congratulate you for staying with it for so long! I think you smashed through like a third of the story in a review tag one time. I was so impressed. I am even more impressed that you've stuck it through to the very end!

The cuteness factor is this story's biggest draw, I think. I never wanted it to be a very serious story - ergo the ridiculous plot devices at times. But it's difficult balancing fluff with keeping it genuine, and I hope I've managed that to some degree.

I've always wanted these two to have a quiet ending to their story. In my head, James and Lily's love story is one for the ages, so I wanted to contrast it with Millie and Sirius', where in the grand scheme of things, their romance is really only important to them. On the outside, despite Sirius' rather loud personality, they're very quiet, in the way old married couples can be.

Thank you so, so much, Pix! Your support and feedback has been invaluable to me! I still reread your reviews sometimes, and get those warm and fuzzy feelings inside! These reviews mean a lot!


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Review #6, by PixileaninLike a House on Fire: Home

2nd April 2017:
I've wondered that same exact thing, reading some fanfics about Gryffindors and parties in the CR. Hmm... you may have a point there. I have to say that end-of-exam parties are much warranted. I'm sure that even Ravenclaw gets behind that sentiment.

I remember feeling the same way when I graduated from high school. Even though I didn't know many people in my year (there were over 900 of them), there was something comforting about the sameness of high school that I knew I was going to miss, like a safety blanket. Or in Millie's case, Remus. You capture the sentiment here so well.

I like how Sirius falls back on the thing that worked, only to find that he doesn't need it anymore, and then has that lost confusion moment of what to do next. Remus didn't prompt him for "next". He's just winging it now. But he wings it pretty well. He wings it enough to put Millie off balance too, which is a great piece of writing. She's feeling the things, but the uncertainty gets in the way. The thing I admire about how you wrote this scene is that she's brave enough to state her uncertainty out loud, which shows a small amount of maturity in her character, now that she's almost graduated. And also, Sirius keeps himself mostly together too, which finally shows some maturity on his part, like he's finally decided that this is worth a long haul, rather than a short term game plan.

Still, after everything, Millie needs a moment. I'm glad you gave her one. Though the only small critique I have of this chapter is that it ends remarkably similar to the one before it. Maybe that can't be helped. But structurally, I thought I'd point it out.

Another lovely read, and so close to the end!

Pix

Author's Response: Parties in the Gryffindor Common Room are such a trope of the fanfic world, you have to wonder if there's any actual reason behind them. It's probably because of the stereotype that all teenagers like to party. I'm sure the other Houses' Common Rooms are also wild.

Remus can only get Sirius so far. After a certain point, Sirius is going to have to deal with his problems himself :P I always find it sort of hilarious, though, that I have Remus being the matchmaker between Sirius and Millie. So many of their pivotal moments involve Remus. That boy is very invested in this relationship! I really wanted to write a scene where Millie is openly vulnerable with Sirius - and I wanted it to be towards the end of the story. You're right, it's about showing a maturity in her character, but also a maturity in her relationship with Sirius. Despite all their struggles, there is trust between them, but it's taken both of them a long time to realise that, and quite frankly, take advantage of it. It was the natural step to getting them together "for real".

That's what you get when you write chapters one after the other! They all end the same way! Thanks for pointing that out.

Thanks for the lovely review, as always :)


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Review #7, by PixileaninLike a House on Fire: Chocolate Frogs

2nd April 2017:
Gosh, I've missed reading this story! And shame on me for not having reviewed all the chapters! But that means I get to review this one, so it's not all bad.

Ahh the chocolate frogs start appearing! Wow, Millie has one big frog card collection, that's for sure! It's nice to see that Sirius is actually trying to respect her wishes, but it's also funny (and rings true) that she would be bothered by it. I can tell by the way you write her that she still has feelings for him, as much as she would like not to. But the mystery of the cards, that would bring anyone out of their self-imposed exile. I mean, a girl's gotta know how that happens, especially a collector.

I like the way that the notes slowly get Millie to accept Sirius' presence again, and that he's actually being patient this time. Maybe there is hope for Sirius yet, if he keeps listening to Moony's advice. It must help that Millie is responding favorably. That usually lets him know that he's doing it right.

I think I just said in the review on your other story, I'm still enjoying the snappy dialogue and the whole breezy style of this piece. It's easy to get swept away in the story. Nothing is pulling me out of the scene, it just flows so smoothly. This was so fun to get back into reading!

Pix

Author's Response: I'm glad you've come back! I thought that you had read and reviewed all the chapters, so this is a lovely surprise.

Millie's not so secret obsession! Who would've thought it would be chocolate frogs? As usual, Millie is bothered by this because Sirius is acting in a way that doesn't fit into her stereotype of Sirius Black, despite the fact that they've been interacting for so long. And of course, it's complicated by the fact that she still has feelings for him!

This chapter was great because I got to write just how much Sirius has matured over the course of the story. He's still reckless, but this is also the start of him becoming more patient, and beginning on the path to "adulthood".

Thank you so much! I'm pleased, that even after all these chapters, the story remains easy to read, and enjoyable. Thanks for the review, Pix :)


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Review #8, by PixileaninLike a Multiverse on Fire: Spider

2nd April 2017:
Hi there! I'm here to check out your multiverse version of the cool story I read a while back. Firstly, I'm pleased that Millie is focused on maintaining her excellent GPA and finishing her degree, instead of "other things". I tend to enjoy the more mature characters to rabid teens. So I'm very interested in how things will play out between the two characters in this new setting. So far, it's fun. She knows of Sirius Black, but she's just been too busy with important things to care about anything regarding him. Good on her. Now he'll have to work harder. :P

Ah, but the initial attraction is set up well. Millie doesn't want to care, but there are these niggling things about Sirius that are already getting under her skin. I like how you don't make them hit us in the face, that they're subtle, but unmistakably present, and very hard for her to ignore. I love that Sirius is neat and tidy. That would be a big turn on for me as well. :)

"Hells bells, was he fifteen?"

lol. It's nice to see Sirius unbalanced. I don't know why I get this insane pleasure from that, but I do. And the way he keeps talking, like hanging out would somehow translate into a date, but Millie blessedly doesn't fall for it so quickly. Good on her. Your snappy dialogue is always a pleasure to read, you know? The quickness in which the scenes move, and the way the sparks fly around the screen... nice opening chapter!

Pix

Author's Response: Rabid teens! Hahaha! To be honest, Millie was like this in her teen years, too, but I didn't write about it all that much. And I'm pleased to see that you're still pro Sirius!

Those first inklings of attraction are always so subtle, aren't they? And neat and tidy Sirius just makes him more perfect, tbh.

Unbalanced Sirius is the best Sirius, in my opinion. Thanks for the lovely review, Pix! :)


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Review #9, by PixileaninMaggots: Maggots

2nd April 2017:
CTF

Wow, I never thought that the Carrows would be interested in having the older students carving pumpkins before, but then, who knows what the Carrows would really be thinking about? It's not something I like to ponder much, them being evil and all. I'm sure Hagrid is a bit confused too as to why Professor Carrow would suggest he needs help... unless he's suggested the older students as spies to see what Hagrid is most likely up to. Hmmm...

Ah, I am so relieved that friendly students showed up to help Hagrid, and that his pumpkins didn't rot on the vine. That would have been an absolute tragedy. But I see where you may be going with this. The maggots might be symbolic of the whole year being a big mess for everyone. So messy that even the crops won't grow correctly. There's a disease at Hogwarts, and it's systemic.

Your descriptions of the effigies were truly horrific. I had to squint to get through them. What a nightmare! I would feel the same way as Hagrid did, ashamed that I had contributed, even innocently, to anything that had anything to do with the horrible "decorations" that the Carrows had put up. I'm surprised that anyone had the stomach to eat under those circumstances. Though, I wonder if the students were thinking that if they didn't at least try to eat, their punishment might be something equally as horrific. What a horrible thing to live through! So the maggots were an adept symbol for the evil at Hogwarts. Well done with the symbolism and the vivid descriptions.

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix.

Thank you so much for your kind review of my story about Hallowe'en during the regime of the Carrows. You are right in wondering if anyone could have any appetite to eat, surrounded by such horrible images. I feel sure that the Carrows noticed the subdued atmosphere among the students and were pleased to conclude that their display had shocked and cowed the students and staff. Who knows what Professor Snape was thinking?

But even though the pumpkins were stunted and maggot-filled, the students and Hagrid managed to make the best of it and salvage something from the blighted crop, to try to keep the happy custom going (at least until they saw the extra decorations). That was a sign of the spirit that was in them and remained in them all year long, no matter what the Carrows did.

There are many stories about the events at Hogwarts during the final year of the war, all of them imaginative and yet constrained by the parameters of the scant information that JKR provides about that time and place. It would be interesting to compile them into a book, and I wonder if any of those stories correspond to what JKR envisioned (but never wrote for us).

Thanks again for your lovely review!

Vicki


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Review #10, by PixileaninWho Set the Jobberknolls Free?: The thing with feathers.

1st April 2017:
CTF

Ah, a letter format story! I haven't read one of those in ages. This looks interesting. I love the little details you put into the letters that give us glimpses of the people that they were, like Sirius being afraid of water, and Lily not feeling at home anywhere. You make these characters so real, it hurts.

Lily, from afar, trying to help patch things up between Sirius and Remus is sad and rings true to me. The girl must be going completely stir crazy, what with taking care of a baby and having to hide out in the middle of nowhere, I'm guessing. She probably relies heavily on these letters to keep herself in the loop and live vicariously through the goings on that Sirius and James are up to.

The whole exchange about Remus makes me curious as to what happened between Sirius and Remus. I have my guesses, which come from canon, but since things weren't crystal clear, it could have gone several different ways. I know in this format, Sirius wouldn't just come out and explain things to Lily. That wouldn't be his way. He wants it left alone. From his perspective, I can understand this.

I have to mention the tone of each of the letters. I can tell without looking at the addressee who is doing the writing. You've made each voice distinctive, which is the good mark of a great writer. I thoroughly enjoyed these!

Pix

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Review #11, by PixileaninThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

11th May 2016:
Hi Kaitlin, Iím here for our swap.


I havenít gotten a chance to read this story of yours yet, so I went through a few chapters and this is going to be a sort of combined review of those, if you donít mind. Sometimes when the writing is as secure as youíve done here, itís hard to come up with a bunch of stuff to say, other than, ďWoot, good job!Ē So, errÖ yeah. 


I loved the first scene. I think you hit all the high notes with Harry, surrounded by his family and his acceptance of where heís going. Heís ready. Itís very fitting, and also very Harry. Thereís no more reason to fight. Your description painted the picture so clearly, and gave us the security, knowing that Harry was well aware of what was going on. Here, there are no more surprises for him. Ginnyís even ready, which is also a great way to portray the older couple who has made peace with themselves and each other. Awesome way to portray this, Kaitlin.

It was fun to see all the old characters coming together in one place to discuss things. Your rendition of Dobby was great. There was just enough color in his language that we knew exactly who he was, but he was also portrayed as intelligent and aware, and I loved that about his dialogue.

We also got to see Hot-headed Sirius, Dominating, Soft-spoken Dumbledore and Reasonable Remus, as well as James and Lily in appropriate parental roles with a touch of their younger attitudes in tow. All the characters were shiny and bright, with their individual roles in Harryís life brought to the forefront. Large cast stories can be difficult to wrangle, but you know these characters well.

Yes, yes, yes! Dobby has to REMEMBER to use his magic, because he doesnít need it here. Nice touch, that. Make them struggle with it. Make us feel the struggle with them. I also liked the small touches you used, having the man handle the portkeys that are already prepared for the others who are coming in soon after Harry. This gives us a great timeline for the story, and secures us in this part of the world that you fashioned.

The idea that someone from the afterlife has to guide the new people in is really cool. Also, having that personís soul be at risk if they both donít make it, thatís also really cool. I love that the stakes are so high, and the need to succeed has such dire consequences. Iíd hate to see those consequences come to pass, but Iím sure youíre planning to have us hold our breath more than a few times in this story. The setup is ripe, and Iím anxious to see what youíre going to do with it from here.

I have some ideas about why Dobby is in the position he's in, but mostly (and this is because I'm a very suspicious reader) I'm stuck on why DUMBLEDORE was the one to choose Dobby. That man's middle name is "Ulterior Motives", and I've grown to have a large amount of mistrust for him as a character. So, with that said, there must be something that Dumbledore wants from Dobby... unless, you know, I'm reading too much into this and it's really all about Dobby and Harry... which it obviously will be, just... I'll keep being suspicious, okay?


Thanks for the swap! As far as plot, characterization and interest level, you've definitely got a winner here! Weíll have to do it again soon!

Pix

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Review #12, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Problems and Solutions

12th April 2016:
Hi again!

Alright, I feel generally better that Albus was able to find a solution out of last chapter's problem with the Quidditch teams. I'm not so sure about the House thing yet. After all, a team is a team, which is different from a House, but if that's what you are using as a parallel, then so be it. However, this is setting a dangerous precedence for anyone who this "many sortings" might happen to in the future. Where will the line be drawn, mmm? Me wonders.

I found Stephen to be a delightful addition to this chapter. I truly enjoyed his interaction with the rude boy who decided to assert his will on the poor elves without thought. Unfortunately, his behavior, which was likely learned from his family, will only change if he relearns what it is to treat the elves with dignity. I was a bit sad that another elf was caught up in his demands and that other wizards and witches didn't stand up to him and correct his actions, but I'm sure that will come in time. After all, the house elf journeyman concept is still new to some. Adjustments take patience.

So Albus gets to play on all the teams, and Rose notices something about Scorpius. I love the subtle shift in her thinking, when she actually notices that Scorpius is only overly-formal with her, and not Albus. I bet it set her to wondering about "things" at that point. And the not-so-gentle ribbing she got from Dawnsfirstbloom was well-placed, even if it came with a bunch of pinching. Girls. What they do to each other... sigh.

Rose is still very unsure of herself, as is age-appropriate. She doesn't want Scorpius to find out things about her - learning to speak goblin, and the elf hats thing... I bet it's because she cares too much about what he'd think, and she doesn't even know it yet.

Nothing brings on the bonding like a common enemy. In Quidditch, I mean. Your Albus is far to nice to get between Scorpius and Rose. But I'm sure you knew what I meant without me having to explain myself... and there I go to rambling.

Anyway. Another fun chapter that solves one issue and brings up the next.

Pix

Author's Response: Hi there, I should respond to this, so I will now.

Yes it is good that he found a solution, and we will see what happens to it as the events of the year unfold. Perhaps it will allay your concerns somewhat when you see how it works out. One thing I do have to note, is that you are quite correct in that it is establishing a precedent for anyone who is sorted into multiple houses, but I don't know how 'dangerous' it will be. I hope that I have established that it is very unlikely that it will happen - one this century and one in the last, and obviously not many more before hand. But also, due to the implied nature of the person who could be sorted into any house, and given the Hat's reasons for doing so, I think that the person will be a force for positive change, rather than anything else.

Ah, Stephen what a glorious find of the writing process. He is such a fun character to write, that we shall certainly see more of him in the chapters to come.

I am so gratified when people pick up on some of the subtleties that I scatter throughout the story. Yes the nature of House-elves will be explored throughout the story and, yes, none of the other students leapt to Honey's defense this time, but maybe that will change in the years to come.

I have to throw a few interactions between the pair of them out there, I have to show that there is some spark between them. At the moment, as eleven year olds, it is not a spark of love or attraction as such but they notice things about each other and will constantly be on each other's radar. We see this mainly from the point of view of Rose, so we are not privy to what Scorpius is thinking. Well, we don't know directly as such, but by his actions, I think we get an intimation.

And girls, hey.

That estimation of Rose's character is pretty spot on. Whatever actions of Scorpius have drawn from Rose, it's certainly drawn her ire on more than one occasion, it has definitely engendered some respect for him on her part; albeit, a respect that Rose doesn't truly realise she has for him.

Nothing like a common enemy, but saying Albus is any kind of enemy to the two is to grossly abuse the meaning of the word. They are both too fond of him in their own ways to ever have anything more than a friendly rivalry with him, and he's not like that either. So I'm sure the pair of them will put their differences with Albus aside, to concentrate upon their differences with each other.

Thanks for the lovely review, No I just have to wait and see what you want me to review back. As of this response the story has had 7311 reads, and this chapter has had 251; thank you all.


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Review #13, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Quidditch Tryouts

12th April 2016:
Hey hey, it's Quidditch!

Funny, I don't picture you having had any trouble coming up with a chapter title for this one. It was ALL ABOUT QUIDDITCH, oh my goodness! But actually, it was also ALL ABOUT ROSE, so you know, good stuff here.

You captured your Rose so well, working methodically through all of this tedium of each and every step throughout the Quidditch tryouts. If it were any other character, or any other story really, with no other point than to chronicle the play-by-play of the tryouts, I'd have been bored out of my skull with all the minutiae.

HOWEVER, since this is your Rose, the whole point of the story is to show her dealing with all of the newness, the way she reacts to things in her small, compartmentalized way, the fact that she still has specific expectations of things and that it's still so early in the year... all of those things need to get shown and broken down, and that's what you did here.

We had to be in her head, we had to see her deliberating every move, and we had to move through her world and experience the expansion of her little world with her. You did that very well, my friend.

I loved that Olivia was so sharp with her and gave her what-for when she sassed back, and I double loved that you didn't tell us how Olivia had been taught to do her criticisms in private until after we saw how she handled Rose. I think that gave a lot of strength to the way that Olivia handled that rude little snot at the end of the chapter. The development of that idea came to a delightful head, and I'm sure I was not the only reader rooting for a good call-out and subsequent dismissal.

But what you did to poor Albus for Rose's benefit, I felt strongly that he had been maligned by the entire experience. Of course the other houses were going to argue over him, but it was interesting that NO ONE brought up the fact that Albus CHOSE to show up at the Gryffindor tryouts. Being on the Gold and Red team was a choice that he'd already made, and I'm sad that no one on the field took that into account. Perhaps that will come out later, since I haven't read ahead, but it seems logical to me. And since Olivia had been so staunch with the other issues at the tryouts, I'm surprised that she didn't pull that obvious fact to claim him as her own, unless there are some other factors involved that we aren't privy to because of Rose's limited point of view, newbie that she is.

I look forward to how the Albus/Quidditch issue plays out in the future, and reserve my ultimate judgment for the reveal. See? That's me giving the author the benefit of the doubt there. :P

Thanks for another lovely read!

Pix

Author's Response: OK, I should be typing up a chapter for P&S, but I should also answer this lovely review too - guess which one won out?

I received some very good advice from a friend who became a professional writer. He began working in television and one of the things that he was told, was that you could never have someone just talking to another person in a TV drama. If the exchange went on for more than two back and forths or so, then you had to have them doing something else whilst they talked.

I took this to heart, because I understood what lay at it's heart. When you have something in your story that might drag on a bit, then you have to leaven it with something that advances something else about the story: the plot, or the visuals, or (as in this case) the characterisation of the players. And in this chapter, we see what quidditch brings out in the character of a few of our players, but especially of one Rose Weasley.

I was also very mindful that the minutiae of the selection procedure had to be leavened with other things - one of which was the welcome reappearance of Stephen.

Thank you for saying that you thought that I had achieved what I set out to do - the illumination of Rose's character when she has to interact with others in a situation that is not in her control.

Yes I was quite pleased with the character of Olivia, and her development throughout the chapter. She was one of the happy accidents of writing: I knew I wanted a child of the original Wood to be the house captain, and that the person had to come down hard on Rose at one point and put her in her place. I don't know what occurred to me first, her name or her sex, but as soon as I knew the character was Olivia, daughter of Oliver Wood, then she just wrote herself.

As to the boy whom I cannot name, due to the restrictions upon swearing in these comments, he got what was coming to him. We very well may see him again, but it won't be for the tryouts for next year's team, that's for certain.

As to the cruelties that I inflicted upon poor Albus, I know that you have left a review of the next chapter, so I know that you know how it turns out. But your criticism is valid, even though it is one point of view that I hadn't actually thought of when I wrote the story. See, I knew, going in, what was going to happen, but in thinking about your opinion I know the answer to it. Albus may have turned up for the Gryffindor team, but he truly accepts that he is in every house and he is too fair to play favourites.

There is a positive outcome and we shall see it develop in the next chapter. Thanks for this review, as of this response the story has had 7253 reads, and this chapter has had 257; thank you all.


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Review #14, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Other Lessons

12th April 2016:
Hi Andrew! It's been a while since I've been to this lovely story of yours. High time that I returned!

"Making Stuff". That's BRILLIANT! And taught by a goblin to boot. I bet that's your way of balancing out the "goblins get wands" thing, which would make sense. If the races are already sharing information, it would naturally build up relations in a positive way at the school. We already have precedence of other types of instructors in canon too, as the centaur who took over for Trelawny (I really hate spelling her name, I'm always afraid of juxtaposing the letters for some reason). And the class sounds so very INTERESTING as well. It's about time that witches and wizards learned practical skills.

Another thing I loved about this chapter was Rose and Charms. I'm glad you gave her a sizable weakness. I'm also very satisfied with the way in which she works her way around it. It's almost as if by finally understanding the mentality of Charms, Rose has taken one tiny step towards understanding that life isn't about muscling your way through things. That you have to sit back, relax, and allow things to happen on their own sometimes. Scorpius has got it down, and it's funny, but I can see his treatment of Rose being parallel to that. It's like he KNOWS things about her, and he's just biding his time, waiting for her to catch up. Interesting. And compelling.

Dropforged is a cool character in his own right. He knows his class is awesome, he's done it enough times to know that the kids will eventually think it's awesome, so with all that confidence, he addresses them in a genuinely likable manner. I love his curriculum. I want to be in that class!

I was thinking about Scorpius in this chapter too. So far, we've seen him all cool and collected around Rose, and that's great, building up her misgivings and mixed feelings about him and all. But the scene where he's in his pink robe and takes everything in stride just has me itching for that future moment where he completely loses his marbles over Rose... I know that might not even be in the story you're writing, and if it is, it's quite far, far in the future, but I would love to stick around, just to see that. hehe. Maybe I am an evil writer after all. :P

Another lovely chapter, Andrew!


Pix

Author's Response: Glad you are back, and while you look at the comments I have left you on your story, let me take the chance and respond to this one.

Yes, it is one of the ways, one of the main ways in which it balances out the 'goblins get wands thing'. More details about the origin of this will be found in my other story in an upcoming chapter. I hadn't actually thought about the precedent set by Firenze, but it works out so well that ... well, yes that was my intention all along for you to draw that parallel. ;)

Rose must have some weaknesses otherwise she would be too perfect. So to balance out her near impossible standards at all other things academic, I had to make her weak somewhere. She does all the rest so effortlessly, that she must struggle in at least one. But it also fits in with my conceit about the nature of the mindset needed for various spells. Rose is so 'Gryffindor' that this underhanded, sneaky, 'Slytherin' way of looking at the world is truly alien to her. So she will have some troubles, but with some hard work, she will triumph in the end.

It also does draw some parallels between the pair. Scorpius does have to have his strengths too, and one place he does, in an area that Rose is particularly weak in, is in understanding people. Scorpius has been a quiet and an observant kid; he's learnt a lot about people by simply listening and observing.

I so want to be in that class too: no exams, no homework, and you get to make stuff! Sign me up. I like Dropforged too. I cobbled him together from the best bits of a range of awesome woodworking and tech teachers that I have had over the years. I don't have many plans to use him much throughout the rest of the story, but I shall insert him in whenever I get the chance.

Scorpius was embarrassed about the pink robes, don't get him wrong, but why succumb to it? I like to think that it is one way that he shows his Slytheriness. In generalisations: a Gryffindor would have sought immediate revenge; A Ravenclaw would have found a way to remove the spell; and a Hufflepuff would have forgiven Rose. But a Slytherin turns a setback into an advantage, by remaining cool he throws it back into Rose's face and makes her far more upset than he is. He will loose it against Rose, but I'm afraid, before any losing it in desire, don't you think that Rose's nature will be far more likely to cause him to lose it in anger first?

Thanks for the wonderful review, as of this response the story as a whole has had 7162 reads, and this chapter has had 267; thank you all.


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Review #15, by PixileaninThe Last Dance: I promise

11th April 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for our review swap from the forums. Sorry it took me a bit to get here. Things and stuff, but I made it!

What a touching moment you painted here! I was drawn into the lives of this older Ron and Hermione immediately. The first person addressing the second person format gave this a very intimate feel, which works excellently with the theme of the piece.

While reading, I tended to wonder how much Ron knew about what was going to happen. You didn't explicitly spell it out, which is not necessary, but the consistent reference to this moment being one of their last times together had me wondering if Hermione was sick, or if she knew she was close to dying. If Ron knew, or if he was simply being overly sentimental... I took it as the former through the language that you used. At any rate, it was very clear that whatever time they had left together was being cherished and treasured.

I appreciated the graceful way you inserted moments in Ron's thoughts that gave me a peek into the long and fulfilling life the two of them had together. I felt the happiness, the pride, the joy at being able to share those moments with each other.

I think my favorite part was where Ron burries his own worries so that he can keep her from worrying too. The small description of her dress and the cough tells us that something is up. It was so subtle, but spoke volumes. You didn't use a lot of words, but then you didn't need to. It was all right there for us, in the spaces between the words where the feelings lie.

This was a lovely, touching story. Thanks for the swap!

Pix

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Review #16, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

16th January 2016:
OK, that was a lot more fun than I had anticipated, even after the last seven chapters, which were all pretty fun, I must say. I thought it was a brilliant move to get Teddy involved with the last challenge, bringing him on Hogwarts ground illegally and all, because that heightened the stakes.

Wow! 21 History questions with Teddy sounds brutal, but I'm glad it ended up being something muggle-like instead. You really made that basketball challenge exciting, the way you wrote it, switching back to Hugo's worries over everything and then bringing it back to the final showdown with that last point involved. Bravo!


Oh, and I must tell you that Hugo's conversations with his owl are hilarious. I think Romulus deserves an acting award. I've never seen an owl so involved in a story before. Really nice touch there, the bond between a boy and his owl. :)

The twist was lovely. I hadn't expected it at all, and Killian played it up so well, shooting that last shot and then pulling out the box for the proposal, all suave and smooth-like. Nicely done, Killian.

And that last line was perfect.

I really enjoyed reading this story from start to finish, and I must apologize for such late reviews just one more time. You deserved better than that. I hope that you'll be writing more light-hearted stories like this one. It was a great read!

Pix

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Review #17, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

16th January 2016:
Ahh, well this was really fun to read! I'm so happy for Hugo that he figured out an appropriate challenge for Killian. And he was right. It was a perfect Weasley challenge!


I like how he calculated that the skrewts would be a surprise to a lot of the students since they'd never seen one before. They sound and look rather dangerous, the way you described them. Killian took this in stride as well, and made a good showing. I bet Molly is very pleased with him right now. She's probably thinking, "That'll show my crazy family to pick on my boyfriend!" lol.

Hugo seems to have grown through this success too, which is good to see. I was hoping he wouldn't be fearing for his life through the whole story, and I think after this successful challenge, (even though he didn't win) he should get props from all his cousins.

I didn't see much from Molly this chapter, and I'm wondering how she's taking the constant badgering. I can't remember. Do they know that there's only one more to go?

Another fun chapter! I'll be back for the last one soon.

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Review #18, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

16th January 2016:
Oh poor Hugo! I feel so bad for him not getting a chance to play against Killian at his favorite game. From his point of view I can totally see how unfair it was, especially with James not playing a challenging game. If Killian knew how bad the game was, he's probably quite the decent chess player, and it just robbed Hugo of proving himself to the family.

I hope he doesn't go back to thinking about how his family is out to get him again. I was really starting to like seeing Hugo's confidence build at the start of this chapter. You had some great lines for him: thinking that he can pull off being evil and how silence works better for him than the cryptic comments he'd tried out on people in passing.

What is he going to come up with now? I love how this chapter was really all about Hugo, and the challenge to Killian sat secondary and in the background. Way to twist up the conflict that you've set up between Hugo and his family. Sad, yet effective.

Well, I'm off to the next chapter to see what Hugo decides. I'm rather nervous for him.

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Review #19, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

15th January 2016:
So, seven o'clock seems to be the hour of dueling. I can sense a pattern here. lol! The armor suits shouting this announcement throughout the day must have been both hilarious and nauseating at the same time. Makes me wonder what Killian thinks of all this bravado from Molly's family. At least he's taken the last few duels in stride. He's up for the challenge, which is a good sign.

Poor kid! Hugo's even uneasy around his fellow Ravenclaws. Does this boy ever get a break, or does he continually berate himself just out of habit? I feel sorry for him and hope that he gets just a little bit of self confidence by the time this whole thing is over.

Ahh, there it is. Molly's words are just what Hugo needs.

I really like how you ramp up the suspense and let Killian fall behind in the second round. He's clearly not the best dancer, and it makes a few of the characters sweat it out until the end.

"Oh but wait. While I was feeling sorry for myself, I failed to notice that things have changed on the dancefloor."

That's right, Hugo. You best be paying attention right now. hehe. So Killian wins again through strategy. I'm looking forward to the chess match.

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Review #20, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

15th January 2016:
Hey hey, it's chapter 4! Let's see what's going on now. Oh dear, all the owls are watching him. I wonder what that means.

I love how the girls just keep on guessing, and Hugo thinks he's being clever by staying silent. He's still afraid of the looming death threat, which is both funny and a bit alarming too. It must be no fun to live with the possibility that your family members have it in for you at any moment. Poor guy!

Ahh, but they get the information out of him after all. That would equate a big fail on his part. Again, poor Hugo! Oh, and the whole duel thing has him worried on a completely different level. Why does his family keep scaring him like that?

The duel was pretty cool, with all those spells flying about. I like how you showed us that Killian manages to find Fred' s weakness, which also shows his cunningness to Hugo. That makes me wonder how Hugo will use that knowledge when it's his turn. Hmm...

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Review #21, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

8th January 2016:
Hey, it's me again. You've got me curious as to what little Lucy is up to. I must find out.

Haha! Hugo's voice continues to amuse me. That's okay, Hugo. I wouldn't want to drink owl spit either. Yeck! But hey, I'm all for a good lead-in, and if the next confrontation is in the Great Hall at lunch time, I'd say that's a perfect way to introduce the challenge.

It's a very dramatic thing, the entire Hall rising and gathering around the two hot dog eating challengers. I loved the visual. I also love that Molly isn't taking this lying down. She's a Weasley after all, and I was wondering how much she would stand for before she started fighting back. Good play, Molly. You stopped your opponent cold. *cheers*

I'm now wondering if Molly is going to snoop around and try and figure out what else her cousins will throw at poor Killian. I mean, I don't know much about the guy except that he's a Hufflepuff Quidditch player, but he's definitely taking this whole thing like a good sport.

Another entertaining installment!

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Review #22, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

6th January 2016:
Hi, Iím back with more time, and I know just how to spend it too!

I should probably let you know that I am not at all familiar with the references that youíve taken your inspiration from. Iíve never heard of that guy or seen that showÖ is it a show? Well, the point is that Iím clueless, so I have to take everything at face value. Upside is that I donít recognize anything, so Iím going to assume that all the referencial jokes come from your own genius mind.

Cheri-hoots. Fun! But those spells do not sound fun at all. Eck. I suppose the wizarding world would have something for that, even if it is unpleasant to think about.

Ah, I guess Hugo isnít done with the Weasley massacre theme yet. Lol. I never thought so much about dying when I was twelve, but I guess when youíre in that family, it could be a possibility. Molly does seem upset. Uh oh. Hugo thinks heís the weakest link too. Poor thing. Itís funny that no one has done any research on this guy that theyíre trying out. Even the Quidditch people should know who is on the other teams, right? Seems unlikely, but it shows how little theyíve planned for this. Silly boys!

I love the description of Alís wrong jaw and how his eyes were rolling when he got up. That bludger must have been serious!

Still having fun!


Pix

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Review #23, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Chapter 1 : The Opponent

6th January 2016:
Hello there, remember me?

Probably not. Iím latelatelatelate with this review thing and Iím so so sorry about that. I didnít realize that Life was going to smack me upside the head so hard. Iím here now, so letís do this thing!

Ahh, I can already relate to Hugo with the headache in the first paragraph. Headaches are indeed no fun, and if youíre wishing they will go away, it just takes that much longer. Argh.
Oh, well, if the headache was an owl trying to get his attention, then thatís a different story. Wake up, kid! By the way, I love the name ďRomulusĒ.  I believe that birds can be quite mischievous. Iíve owned birds in the past, so I can speak from experience. You think thereís nothing going on between the feathers, but youíd be wrong.

I love that Hugo decides that the best way not to tell anyone about the secret meeting is to hide from everyone who might ask about it. Seems fool proof to me, and also something that a twelve-year old would think up as an appropriate solution. I hope he has snacks though. Hunger could put a wrench in his plans. Ahh, reading about how Hugo has convinced himself about the murder plot made me laugh. Heís obsessing over it too, which makes it more funny. And uh oh. No snacks. Thatíd be the weak link in the plan that I was concerned about.

Man, I would hate to be Killian Earhart too. That plan sounds like heíd have to be quite a guy to put up with it all. You did a fantastic job of setting everything up. I love the narration of Hugo and how his mind keeps going back to who heíd save if James wanted to take them all out. Then the dungbombs at the end were a perfect cap.
This is going to be a fun story!


Pix

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Review #24, by PixileaninAnd Then: Six Years.

23rd October 2015:
HeyMrsPotter!

It's me with the Review Exchange. Woot!

Okay, so I've read a bit of short-short stories and a lot of times, I've come away with something missing. They sometimes read like short vignettes, or they're character sketches, or they don't have a twist.

This was excellent. It had everything one needs for a great story with a big impact. You focused on a singular turning point, where every change matters to the character. It's amazing how you can capture that in the short word count, with the emotion and the suffering, and the twist. I think that was my favorite part of it, where he finally smiles after all the hurt. I didn't expect that, but it makes your point, it explains the reasons why he thinks he has to do this horrible thing.

I went and read the companion piece to this first, just so I wouldn't miss anything, and I think, besides being a horribly tragic continuation, it fits perfectly with the setup. This poor character, he can't break out of the guilt and the pain, and it's just so... so tragic.

Excellent piece!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix! Sorry for the delayed response to this lovely review ♥

I've grown a huge soft spot for Amos recently, and thought about his life after Cedric a lot. This is pretty much my headcanon for him, I really don't think he would have coped without him.

Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #25, by PixileaninAbandon: Benjamin Fredrick Malfoy

27th September 2015:
"She had thought about him so constantly that she had nearly forsaken all of her studies, ignored her family to stay locked in her room and worried that she would probably never see his tall, dark shape again, ďI didnít think about you at all.Ē Somehow, her voice managed to sound both pathetically squeaky and wistful."


This. This right here. This is what I would have liked a hint to in that first chapter. I wouldn't have needed to know the who or any of the details, but just the fact that she had gotten over, or had thought she had gotten over something in her past that allowed her to finally enjoy the family gathering without people needing to be concerned for her... that sort of thing. So when the twist happens at the end, it means something deeper to her character.

Okay, with that out of the way, I think you did a fantastic job of heightening the mystery of why the Malfoy boys had to hightail it out of Britain for a while and what it did to their family. Benjamin feels guilt and hurt, even though he tries to hide it and play up that he's unaffected to Roxanne, and I liked seeing that kind of vulnerability in him. It also explains why Roxanne can see another side of him than most other people and why she continues to trust him enough to carry on with him.

I won't comment on the kiss other than acknowledge that it happened and you know, squee... or whatever. I'm still not happy with Benjamin's attitude, no matter what else is going on. He's ingenuine on one side, and a complete prat on the other side, so even though Roxanne feels sorry for him and there's this hot factor going on that she can't control, I'd demand more honesty from a so-called friend who's abandoned me for a year without so much as an owl, no matter how tight-chested he is.

So, um. Good job for getting a reaction out of me. That means that the writing is still solid, and the undercurrent of a plot is starting to unfold, which makes my little plotty heart very happy.

I'll try to return later for more, RL willing and the creek don't rise...

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

You've made a great point about that quote that I should have used for the first chapter. I should have given more information about Roxanne's relationship with Benjamin but oh, my youth was on me then. I wouldn't make the same mistake if I were writing this now.

I tried to hint what had happened to Benjamin and his father without giving it all away but I think you would be able to figure it out if you re-read it. Benjamin doesn't have a lot of moments when he's vulnerable but they do happen, more so in the flashbacks. I think that he only shows that side to Roxanne because of their history together and because despite what he may want, he can trust her. Roxanne sees the potential in everyone, she's a lot like her mother in that aspect and just LIKE her mother, she's going to cry a lot because of it. I am a horrible person...

Bwhahaha. IF you honestly don't want to continue reading this, I understand. I think that you may like Audrey Tang a lot better than this, I won't say A Force of Wills because no one wants to be cuddling up with Draco Malfoy and his ickiness. Eh.

MEh.

Eh.

Thanks so much for these reviews though, you're fantastic. :D I will stop by Rabbit Heart soon because I miss that Bunny.

Why did that sound so dirty?

Much love,

Gabbie


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