Reading Reviews From Member: Yoshi_Kitten
  
172 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Yoshi_KittenWishes: Wishes

29th April 2017:
Hello there!! RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF!! I really loved this one-shot a lot. It was such a beautiful idea, to show James and Harry in two different time periods, and then have them come together at the end like that. I felt so bad for James, especially when you mentioned how he and Lily couldn't even get jobs because of the danger that hey were in. Times really were different back during the first wizarding war, and you did a really great job of capturing just HOW different those two time periods were.

The contrast between when Harry was one, as opposed to when James II turned one are like polar opposites of one another. Harry just had his mom and dad there, and they were in hiding because the world was at war. Whereas James II was surrounded by loved ones, and they had this huge celebration going on. And I think it's important to remember that it was because of James & Lilly's sacrifice, because of everything that happened during the first and second wars, that they are able to enjoy that peace. This little one-shot does a great job of reminding you of that. James and Lilly died to give Harry exactly what he has now; a life full of family and friends who love him.

As far as the format goes, I thought that it was very east to follow, and I quite liked it. I also saw in your note at the end that you asked for comments on your characterization of Harry and James I. While I cannot really comment on Harry because he wasn't really in the story much, I thought that you did James I really well here. Especially in the letter at the end. You almost had me in tears!! It was so emotional, and it was definitely something that I could see James I writing. I also LOVED the idea of event-triggered charms! I've never seen that used before like this, but it is SUCH a cool idea!! It was also very sweet, and very in character for James not to want Lilly to know that he felt so hopeless enough to write their son an “in case we die” letter. I could see him wanting to keep something like that a secret from her.

My only critique is that I wasn't very happy with the ending. I wanted MORE, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, haha!! But, as I mentioned before, I felt like we hardly got to see Harry at all. And then it ended so abruptly. I at least would have liked to see Harry's reaction to the letter. Or hear more of his thoughts after reading it… Perhaps you could go back one day and add in a little bit more of Harry's response to this surprise from his father later? If you do ever decide to write more for this; I would certainly like to come back and read it, so please let me know!! This was so sweet, and really well written. Great job!! =)

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #2, by Yoshi_KittenHero: Mystery

29th April 2017:
Yeah, considering the fact that we've gone back to talking about the petrified girl, which happened back in chapter two, and not the roosters; I am almost certain that your second and third chapters may be out of order hun. There's a really simple way on here, under the Edit Story options, where you can rearrange your chapters just by clicking on the up & down arrows though. I've done it several times with my Novel when I was re-writing the beginning of it – it's so easy to do. But you may wanna read back over the two of them yourself, just to see how you think it sounds/flows together. Don't just take my word for it, because I could be totally off.

But OMGosh, this chapter had SO MANY things in it, I couldn't stop reading, lol!! I'll try to remember everything… So, are her and Tom dating now? NO HERO!! I thought I warned you about him already!! Turn back now before it's too late!! Oh gosh, she's really digging herself a hole, isn't she? And then there's that Dark arts book – I recognized that title right away from HP, which was really nice to see!! But Oooh!!! I wonder if that's the book that he first reads the information about Horcruxes in!?! Wouldn't that be interesting. I just love how you slipped that in there like that!! And then there was the bit about the two little girls hearing “something big, loud, and scary” moving around in the pipes. Geeze, I wonder what that could be?? ;)

GAH!! And there is her brother, being a git again. I really wish that they could get along more. I get the whole sibling rivalry thing, and then you have the Slytherin vs. Gryffindor house rivalry added in on top of it; but they had to have gotten along at some point in their lives, right? I just don't get why he's SO mean to her. Especially the “splish-splash” comments. That's what really gets to me the most. Because, if her friend Noah actually got trapped inside of a car and drowned right in front of her; which is what I have taken away from the clues that have been given so far, then that is a TERRIBLE comment to make to someone's face like that! I mean, someone whom she obviously cared about DIED, and you're just gonna make fun of her pain like it's nothing? I know Tom Riddle is supposed to be the “Villain” in this story, but that right there just made me hate Finn. Like, he is seriously evil. There is something wrong with that child. And maybe it's because he's been spending too much time with Tom, Idk. But as of right now, I do not like him at ALL!!

Okay, Finn rant is over, haha!! Moving on… Aww, there's ickle little Hagrid again. I love seeing him in this, but it also breaks my heart because I know that this is the year he gets suspended. I wonder when we will be seeing signs of Myrtle. Will we get to see her alive in this before the Basilisk gets to her? I would like to see that too. Seriously though, I LOVE all of the familiar elements that you have brought over from HP into this. It's a completely different time period, but this could absolutely be a prequel about Voldemort's school days. It's that good!! We weren't given very many details about this time-frame in the books, but I swear you have taken everything and made quite an amazing and very believable story out of it!! I am so impressed with this, Bianca!! =D

I had to laugh when Tom told her that his parents were dead, and she made the connection that she had fallen for another orphan boy. My name is Hero Blishwick, and I have a thing for orphan boys. LOL!!! That line was too funny. OMG!! What if Tom & Noah went to the SAME orphanage, and what if whatever trauma Noah went through when he was young was actually caused by Tom Riddle? Wouldn't THAT be a plot twist!?! Tom is awfully interested in Noah, but I could just be imaging things… I shall have to wait and see if my guesses are right? This is SO AMAZING, B!!! I love it so much!! I cannot wait to read more!! ♥

~Deana

Author's Response: You were absolutely right, the chapters were out of order o.O So that's annoying, but thank you so much for pointing that out and it's all fixed now!
Your reviews always make me smile so much, you have such kind things to say. Thanks so much! ♥


 Report Review

Review #3, by Yoshi_KittenThe Seer: Epileptic

29th April 2017:
Took me longer that I would've liked to get back here. Unfortunately, I missed my chance to do chapter 2 during the last round of CTF, however, I have read and it, was AMAZING!! Before I start on chapter 3, let me just say that I was absolutely amazed at how well you described Jame's first seizure. It was so terrifying, yet so incredibly accurate. I'm a medical assistant, and I have been in the medical field for 10 years now. I have clients currently who have seizure disorders, and I can say with confidence that you have nailed everything SO accurately here. I am so impressed with how well you have done your research. And then, in this chapter, the way you described all of his side effects, and then his treatment plan thereafter. I for one appreciate that you took the time to get all of that right!!

I'm so glad that Harry came back for James. You really have done a great job with his character. I am still curious as to what secret mission he was off on, but I feel like there will be time to find all of that out later. There is so much mystery going on here already, I absolutely love the direction that this is going. I just feel so bad for James; especially if he cannot play Quidditch anymore because of his diagnosis. Certainly they will think of a way around this? There has got to be some sort of safety plan they can out into effect so as to help him still be able to play. like, maybe someone can be on standby to catch him of he starts seizing and falls off his broom? Or would they consider it too great of a risk> I hope not, because I know how badly that will crush him. James loves Quidditch!! Please don't take that away from him!!!

Obviously, from the story title & summary, I can assume that this “brain change” of his must have something to do with James becoming “the greatest Seer the world has ever seen.” And James clearly has not discovered this new power yet, as Healer Eubank theorized. But the part where he brought up the theory about Merlin was my favorite thing yet, OMGosh!! This is so interesting, and I am so totally engrossed in this story right now. I don't even want to read anything else tonight because I just want to keep on reading this, haha!! Gosh I hope the flag is in here somewhere, haha!! Wouldn't that be SO nice!?!

But seriously though, even if it's not, guarantee I WILL be back!! I may not review every single chapter, but I will pop in from time to time to let you know where I'm at and how I'm liking it. I already love it though, so I'm sure it'll only get better from here!! I've added it to my favorites. I didn't see a link to an HPFT account for you, but I really hope that you make one soon and post this story up on there!! Because I SO want to nominate this Novel for a FROG award, haha!! Seriously, this is one of THE BEST fan-fics I have ever read!! ;)

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #4, by Yoshi_KittenCrucio: ...

28th April 2017:
RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF! Wow, this was really dark. I was not expecting that at all! Even though it was really sensitive subject matter, I feel like you handled it really well. I like that you chose to write about what was going on at Hogwarts while the trio was away, and I'm glad you chose such a rare character like Michael Corner's story to tell here.

As far as the Death Eaters go, if there's anyone more terrifying than Bellatrix, I would have to say that the Carrows are a pretty close second. Especially with the way that you have written them here! I mean, their torturing methods are only alluded to in the books, but this right here was a really nice, albeit subtle demonstration of just how crazy they can be! The fact that Alecto Carrow is comparing her torturing of this child to a piece of artwork is so chilling. Your repetition of the word Crucio was very affective also!

I would have liked to see some more description in the dialogue throughout the chapter, as I had no idea which of the Carrows Michael was even talking to until Amycus came in towards the end. And another thing is that, had your summary not mentioned that this was about Michael Corner, we would not have known who the student they were trying to make an example out of even was. Not sure if that was your intention or not, but I feel like the tension in this could be so much more amplified, if you just went back in and amped up the dialogue a bit. Add in a little bit of “he said, she said” - but obviously you can get way more creative than that! - and maybe even put in some descriptions on Michael's feelings and surroundings. Is he laying on the floor? Do they have him tied up? Are they in the dungeons of Hogwarts? You've done a great job at making me feel the events of this story, but I want to be able to see it as well.

I'm sorry, I really hope that all makes sense. Please forgive me if I am being too overly critical... I really did like this little one-shot, in spite of it's darkness. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for the horror/dark genre sometimes! I felt like you did a great job of telling this missing moments story, and I liked it a lot.

~Deana

Author's Response: Thanks for your constructive tips. I can't bring myself to bring this scene into sharper focus. It is too sad.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Yoshi_KittenHis most faithful follower: A deathly end

28th April 2017:
Hello again, Shaza!! I am back to R&R some more of your loveliness for another round of CTF! Oh, this was a really good insight into Bellatrix's mind during the Battle of Hogwarts here, I enjoyed reading it a lot. I love how the opening line states that Bellatrix was “having the time of her life.” Like, they're in the middle of this epic battle, and people are literally dying, but it's just another happy day at the park for her, lol!! That opening line alone really captures her craziness quite well!

I feel like your characterization of Bellatrix is spot-on from the books in this piece. The arrogant attitude and voice that you gave her was perfect! The fact the she legitimately thought/believed that no one else there could best her was so believable for her character, and I especially liked that she eventually admitted that Molly was a formidable foe. And it was nice to see some of the familiar lines from The Deathly Hallows included in there also, especially that classic Molly line, haha!!

One thing that was new for me when reading this was seeing Bellatrix use her Legilimency skills during battle. I liked how she was able to tell who Ginny was, and then who Molly was. It never occurred to me that she could do that before, but now that I've read it in here it totally makes sense now! I can totally see that happening during the battle, especially among wizards who were trained in that skill. It is extremely efficient, after all.

Grammatically, everything looked pretty good in this as far as I could tell. There were no spelling errors or misplaced commas or anything like that as far as I could see. Then again, I wasn't really looking for those, but nothing grabbed my attention, so that has to be a good sign, lol! The flow was nice, and you really managed to pack a lot in in just a few words. I am in awe of people who can do that, haha!! My chapters are always so long, even when I try to trim them. This was an excellent read, and I'm so glad I discovered it. Bellatrix is certainly not an easy character to write, yet you did an excellent job getting inside that mad little mind of hers. Well done!!

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #6, by Yoshi_KittenWalking the Line: one [with a little help from my friends]

27th April 2017:
Hello there!! RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF!! I must say; as a musician myself, I was most intrigued by the mentioning of the band Gryffindor Rules in the summary of this story – I'm sure they're not all that bad, lol!! And then I clicked on the story, and saw that each of your chapter titles are song names too. That is such a great idea!! It makes everything look so nice and organized. And while this first chapter may not be very long, you can certainly tell that a lot of time and thought has gone into this fic already. It's really well written, and the pacing was very good also.

I really love how you took some time before the story begins to go back and show these characters as first years, and give us a glimpse into how they all met here. You did a really nice job at capturing the wonder and excitement that he was feeling by being at Hogwarts, and then getting sorted into his house and seeing his common room for the very first time. It almost reminded me of reading The Sorcerer's Stone a bit, it was that good!! And I felt like you captured the innocence of the eleven-year-old children really beautifully in this introductory chapter.

I'm glad that they still have classes with Celeste, and can still see her even though she was sorted into a different house. And hooray for the house unity you are portraying there as well, haha!! My favorite part was when Alex was joking about his teacher calling him “Mr. Alderton,” and then Louis said: I'm Mr Weasley, which makes me really stand out from the loads of other Weasleys here." That part really made me laugh!! They were all three so sweet and innocent in the beginning; much like Harry, Ron and Hermione all were. It really makes you wonder what's going to happen to them as they grow up. Will they all stay together, or will something tear them apart? You've really done a great job of drawing me in and leaving me wanting to know more. Well done!! =)

~Deana

Author's Response: Hi Deana! Thanks for stopping by!

Awesome that you're a musician! You have much higher regard for this band than they really deserve, but they do try :P Thanks so much though, I'm glad you like the chapter titles. And it's so wonderful to hear that you think it's well paced and well written, too - thank you!!

The characters (especially Alex) change a lot over the years, and it was really important to me to make them just like any other eleven year old in the beginning and to get them to feel relatable. Ah, that's such a wonderful compliment that this has the magic of Sorcerer's Stone, thank you!

Hooray for house unity! You can't expect anything else from a Hufflepuff like myself :P I'm glad you liked that part with Louis, too. It must have been so confusing with so many young Weasleys there, haha!

Thanks so much for all your wonderful comments, I appreciate it so much!


 Report Review

Review #7, by Yoshi_KittenHero: Riddles in the Dark

27th April 2017:
Hello Bianca, I am back again for round four of CTF!! Even if you're not the Flag Author (again), how could I not come back to this wonderful story of yours? I have added this to my favorites and put it on my reading list too, by the way. I cannot wait to read the rest and find out what happens!! Although, once CTF is over with, I will probably resume my R&R's at the new place for you! ;)

When he asked her if her boyfriend drowned, I couldn't help but feel like he was using his Legilimency skills on her. But then he was super sly and covered it up with some history of the origins of her name. Smooth Tom, really smooth. Way to work that Slytherin cunningness of yours!! OMG, you write him SO amazingly well!!! GAH!! I LOVE IT!!! I hate him, and he creeps me the heck out, but I love his character in this story so much, haha!! XD

It's still so hard to imagine Tom Riddle as normal though, let alone believe that this girl could actually have real feelings for him. But I guess in the books he was described as being incredibly handsome, and this girl doesn't know what he is about to become. She don't know that he was conceived under the effects of a love potion, and is therefore incapable of loving her in return. How can she? To Hero, Tom Riddle is just a classmate; and a friend of her twin brother's at that.

The thing that happened with the roosters at the end was really intense. It did make me wonder though if, perhaps, your chapters are out of order maybe? Because you have this rooster incident at the end of chapter three, and yet chapter two begins with Finn making rooster calls in the Great Hall. I remember being a tad confused at the beginning of that chapter as to why he was doing that, but then there was mentionings of a rooster incident later on in the chapter that clarified it, so I didn't say anything... But now, in the scene at the end of this chapter here, it seems kind of like this is the first time the students are seeing something like this, based off of their reactions to it. Which just makes me wonder if maybe the chapters got moved out of order somehow? Just an observation I had. It's really not too noticeable, honestly, and everything still makes sense as to what is happening and is perfectly clear and easy to follow.

I love the way things are moving along in this, your pacing is really great. I cannot wait to find out what happens next!! Hope, hope, HOPING that maybe the flag is in here?? Maybe??? Meh, we shall see. Either way, I love reading this story, and I will be back, haha!! Amazing job hun, as always!!

~Deana

Author's Response: Deana your reviews are always something to look forward to and you always make me smile! Thank you so much! ♥

 Report Review

Review #8, by Yoshi_KittenHope: Part One

27th April 2017:
RoxiMalfoy, here to free Tasha for CTF!! Go Slytherin!!! =P

OMGosh, I am actually crying right now. This was SO emotional. I actually have a friend who had a lot of complications with her first pregnancy. They had to do an emergency c-section on her, and because they were rushed, they messed something up to where now, it has been extremely difficult for her to conceive again. I've watched her over the past three years try MULTIPLE methods of contraception, and go through a few miscarriages. And it has been extremely difficult to maintain hope throughout the entire process, even just as a supportive friend. But even still, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be the mother.

I love how you explained all the different stages of hope throughout this piece. It really gave a clear picture of everything that they've been through so far, and set up what is to come so well. Your attention to detail was amazing, and the emotion all throughout was PERFECT!! Like I said, I was in tears. I wanted to be excited for her when she finally did conceive, but I know from experience that you should not get too excited until after the first trimester. And honestly, after everything they've been through, I feel as though Neville should have know that too. I get that he was excited, but I would think that a part of him would want to make sure that everything was okay before they started to celebrate, especially with all the complications they had been having. And it just made me sad that this created a distance between them at a time when they needed to be there for one another the most.

I think you nailed her feelings of fear perfectly at the end. Everything was just SO spot-on, I was stunned. Your writing style is really amazing, Jo. There were hardly any flaws in this at all. In fact, the only tiny little thing that I did see was this little mix-up in the wording of this sentence here: The pregnancy had been supposed to be their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards. - I think it would sound/flow better if you said “The pregnancy was supposed to have been their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards.

OMGosh, I just want this pregnancy to work out for her so badly!! But that ending didn't look too good… Please tell me that they get their happy ending!! Neville & Hannah deserve it, and they would totally make GREAT parents!! It stinks that the flag isn't here because I really would've liked to read on this one tonight, lol! But trust and believe that I will be coming straight back here to find out what happens as soon I can. And I am going to add this to my favorites. It's just so good, I really enjoyed it!! Thanks so much for the great read!

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #9, by Yoshi_KittenWhen Arthur Saved Molly: When Arthur Saved Molly

25th April 2017:
Hello Sam!! RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF, and to return that lovely review that you left for me yesterday. I didn't know that we had both done the 1,000 words challenge tho, OMG!! Small world, haha!! You know, now that I think about it, I don't believe I ever did hear the results of how this one went down… did you? Anyways, the review!!

I love Molly/Arthur so much!! Who doesn't though? But your take on them is something new and interesting that I've never seen before. It's like their roles here reversed here. He's the more serious one, and she's the oddball. I like that change though, it's gives them a new and fresh perspective. Plus I love the idea that Molly may have been the one to bring out Arthur's inner craziness, lol!! She reminded me a lot of Luna in this story, and I really liked that about her. Another thing I picked up on was the brief mentioning in the beginning about Arthur's pureblood status. It never crossed my mind before that a younger, post-Molly Arthur Weasley would care about such things, but I guess it does make total sense. I always pictured them falling in love at Hogwarts. So this, again, was something new. You've really piqued my interest into this time period of their lives.

When she went into the water, I was holding my breath to find out what was going to happen next. I was a little scared for her because I thought that maybe she had fallen in. And I wasn't sure exactly how much danger she was in, but I felt Arthur's fear for her and that resonated with me enough to make me worry for her as well. Molly does know how to swim in this though, right? I mean, there's no way she would just jump in and bank on the fact that Arthur would come in after her like that. She had o have known what she was doing all along. Right? I want to say that she does, because she did make the comment ”I like the way that it feels” which would suggest that she has done this before. But that would be kind of a scary bet to make though, of she didn't know how to swim!! That whole scene was really well-written though. I especially loved the imagery you created while she was in the water. So beautiful!!

There were hardly any errors in this that I could spot in this at all. Everything was pretty much perfect!! The only thing that I saw was one word at the very end here: Molly smelled in a self-satisfied way. I think you meant to say “Molly smiled”. I really like your writing style, everything flowed so well here and the descriptions were really well done! I'm so glad I found this little piece, as it has given me such a great new perspective on Molly & Arthur's relationship. Thanks for the great read!!

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #10, by Yoshi_KittenHormones: Let’s Start at the Beginning

25th April 2017:
RoxiMalfoy here for CTF!! I've read so many serious/dark/angst stories these past few nights, so I decided to switch it up a bit this time around, and go for something more fun. And boy, am I ever glad that I chose this one too!! This was exactly the type of read I was looking for, and just what I needed to brighten my evening!! =)

I love the way this started, so much action right off the bat!! Makes you immediately wonder what in the world happened between these two that's got her beating down the door to come in after him. Of course, judging by the story summary, it's not that hard to speculate, but still. It really draws you into the story all the same.

I love Freddie's voice in this, as well as his sense of humor. I also quite enjoy his friendship/bromance with James also. It's very reminiscent of James Potter I & Sirius Black's friendship; which I loved!! And the “Frames” nickname is brilliant, haha!! Although, I confess, silly blonde little me didn't quite get it until Rose referred to them as Frames at the very end. And then I was dying laughing, lol!! (Because Fred+James=Frames!!!) You my friend are a name-meshing genius!!!

On another note, it's really nice to see that WWW joke shop is doing so well, and that Freddie is so interested in getting into the family business once he's out of school. And of course, James will be right there with him. I like Ollie as well, though I sense there may be trouble in paradise with those two? Maybe?? And who is this Annie girl? Could she potentially be a love interest for Fred later on, or are they just friends? I suppose I shall have to wait and see… I just loved that there was such a good mixture of both old and new faces all throughout this chapter. Everyone was introduced quite nicely, I thought.

Ryan is so fierce though, OMG!! Will those two ever get along?!? How were they ever alone together long enough to make a baby without killing each other? One has to wonder, lol! I suspect that alcohol may have been involved, haha!! =P

Overall, I felt like the flow of this chapter as a whole was excellent! Rose as Quidditch captain was probably my favorite part, lol! (I'm sure Ron must be SO proud!!) Also, I thought it was quite interesting to see Al in Ravenclaw. I don't think I've ever read a Next-Gen fic with him in that particular house before, so that was an interesting change. I hope to see more of him in future chapters, and Scorpius as well!! (Love me some Scorpius Malfoy!!) I look forward to seeing the relationship/friendship between him and Roxanne as well. Is he in Slytherin or Ravenclaw in this story? I'm sure I'll find out if I just keep reading, lol!! Hopefully the flag is here so I can read on tonight!! But if not, I will come back as soon as I can. My schedule is kinda crazy, But I shall be adding this story to my favorites list!! I cannot wait to read more!!

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #11, by Yoshi_KittenThe high priestess: The high priestess card

24th April 2017:
RoxiMalfoy here for another round of CTF!!! You were kind enough to review me earlier, so I figured I'd return the favor. Plus I just love Luna to pieces!! She has been my favorite character from the HP world since she was first introduced in OotP. So, naturally, I was instantly drawn to this fic when I saw that it was about her!

That being said, I really do love how you have written her here. She was very in character; sweet, innocent, lovable, adorable Luna!! I get that it was the main theme of the challenge you entered, but I quite liked the fact that she used the Tarot Cards to help guide her. As much crazy stuff as she believes in already, it is quite believable that her and her mother would rely on those cards in their decision-making. That is totally something that I could see happening in cannon!! I can't believe that I have never seen this ides used before now, to be honest. It's SO good!!

I especially liked this line here: Luna smiled to herself, it never ceased to amaze how accurate the cards could be. It was up-right meaning that she needed to trust her instinct more, instead of focusing on what is logical. It was interesting, getting to see her struggle with her internal Ravenclaw like that, lol! But in the end, her Luna-ness won over, and she went with what the cards were telling her anyway!! In spite of all the fun that people poke at her, I for one feel that Luna Lovegood is very intelligent. After all, there's a reason she's a Claw and not a Puff. And you have managed to capture that so beautifully in this little one-shot.

I'll be honest, I had almost forgotten all about that painting that she had of them on her bedroom ceiling. But as soon as you started describing exactly what she was painting, that scene from Deathly Hallows came back to me, and I was so excited when I realized that this was a missing moment from the books!! I always love to read missing moments from the books, so that just made me love this little one-shot even more than I did already, haha!! And your explanation on how that painting came to be is so believable, I can totally see book-Luna doing just that. Your characterization of her was very accurate here, I thought.

Honestly, the only bit of CC I can give is that you may want to take another quick read back over it once more when you have a chance because there were several places where a comma was needed and it was missing. Other than that, there were no other grammatical errors that I could spot. It was a little on the short side, but I just liked it so much that I wanted to read more, lol! That's not necessarily a bad thing at all!!

I thought that it was so sweet and so sentimental, how she wanted to do something nice for her first group of true friends, and she wound up honoring her mother in the process of it all. Give me all the feels!! I loved it so much, and I am so glad I discovered this little gem of a one-shot!! 10/10 – This was VERY well done!! =D

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #12, by Yoshi_KittenHero: Something Wicked This Way Comes

24th April 2017:
Hello, I'm back again for round 2 of CTF!! Chapter 1 was so good that I just HAD to come back for more, haha!! =)

Her parents are really something else though, aren't they? Is she from one of the old pureblood families? It certainly does seem that way, as uppity and strict/downright rude as these people are! I mean, I get it that they're mad she wasn't sorted into Slytherin, but that's no reason to treat her so mean!! Why can't they write Finn his own letter about his hair? Poor Hero!! I felt so bad for her when I read that letter at the beginning. This is story is starting to get very interesting, and I am really starting to like her a lot as an MC already.

You know, all throughout the last chapter I was trying to figure out who was older; her of Finn. But now you slip that little hint in there about them being twins. Sneaky, sneaky, lol!! I never would have guessed, but I did love that little surprise once it was revealed though. It such an interesting change to see this pair of twins who seem to be such total opposites of one another. I am looking forward to seeing more of how their relationship develops in later chapters when Tom becomes more involved also.

And speaking of Tom. WOW!! Can we just take a moment to appreciate how BRILLIANT this is?!? He's clearly the one responsible for the roosters and the girl getting petrified, yet he's just acting all casual. Please tell me she's not actually falling for him, is she?!? Don't do it, Hero, don't do it!! Tom Riddle is not capable of love. He is a monster, and you deserve way better than him!!

Sorry, I just had to rant about that there for a moment, lol!! Seriously though, this plot is BRILLIANT!! And I absolutely loved getting to see a glimpse of little Hagrid in there too. Please tell me there will be more of him in future chapters?!? Everything is moving along quite nicely. Your pacing is amazing, and your imagery is stunning!! I am a huge fan of your writing-style already!! I really cannot wait to read more of, I just want to know what happens next. I want to know more about Noah, and I want to see what happens with Tom. You write him SO WELL!!! I promise to come back as soon as I can!!

~Deana

Author's Response: Deana you are such an angel ♥ THANK YOU so much!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Yoshi_KittenThe Seer: Seize

24th April 2017:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for CTF!! First of all, let me say that I am super impressed with how much you have so obviously put into this story!! I confess that, out of habit, I almost clicked the story at the top of your AP first, but then I noticed that it was actually a sequel to this one. So I hurried up and came over here to this story first. I like to read things in order, so I never read sequels without reading the original story beforehand! But to already have so much written for this world that you have created for your next-gen characters, it makes me really excited to read on! I feel like this epic adventure is about to unfold, and I cannot wait to see what happens next!

Your descriptions of all the Potter children were great, but I think Lilly was my favorite. Your attention to detail when you were describing her looks and personality were fantastic!! I especially like the bit that you included about her being so straight-forward. I myself have been told by others that I can be too honest at times as well, so I feel like I can relate to this Lilly a bit in that aspect. The boy's were great here too. You have captured their sibling bond extremely well here, especially when they were arguing in the beginning over who was better at Quidditch. I couldn't help but to laugh when James kept hitting Al with his broom, haha!! He really is a sore loser, isn't he?

And there's Harry and Ginny! I never thought of them spending so much time away from home, but I suppose now that the kids are older, I guess they would spend more time getting more involved in their careers. It's a new perspective on them, different from anything else I've read, but I like it so far. It definitely sets the mood, because you can tell right away that the empty household has a negative effect on the kids. Your imagery in that scene was really good, and it continued to grow throughout the chapter as well. I really loved the part where you talked about Ginny, and how well she knew each one of her children individually. She reminded me of Molly in that paragraph, and it made me smile. =)

And then we got to see a little bit of James' rebellious side. While his response to his mother did bother me a bit, I do find it rather believable that Harry & Ginny would have a difficult time disciplining their children. Although, I am glad that they do all seem to be well-behaved for the most part. It wasn't like James to normally disrespect his mother, he just wasn't feeling well and he was in a bad mood, like he said. And given what happened next, I can hardly say that I blame him. Poor James!! GAH!!! That ending, holy cow!!! Talk about a cliffhanger!! Now I definitely HAVE to read more to see what happens next. Regardless of whether the flag is hidden in here or not, I shall be adding this one to my favorites list, and coming back to read more as soon as my crazy schedule will allow it, I promise!!

I really loved this; from beginning to end! Your attention to detail, and your descriptions of everything were just amazing!! I was able to visualize nearly everything throughout this entire piece. And the little table with everyone's name, age, and corresponding Hogwarts House that you included at the end was so nice and informative. You have seriously put a lot of time and thought into this, and it shows!! I can tell that this a lot has gone into this story, and I am really excited to find out where it goes next!! Thanks for such a great read!! =D

~Deana

 Report Review

Review #14, by Yoshi_KittenHero: One Day at a Time

23rd April 2017:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy of Slytherin House, here for CTF!!! I must confess, this story has been on my reading list for quite some time now!! So I am extremely glad that this competition has finally given me an opportunity/excuse/chance (call it whatever you will) to get on over here and read it!!

I love the aura of mystery that this is story is putting off already. You really drew me in with this first chapter, and already I am left with so many questions! I love the way that you introduced Hero and her family. Everything was so smooth, and very well written. Your attention to detail was fantastic!! You have already managed to provide the reader with so much of her family information that I already feel as is I know her a bit. And yet, with all of these secrets she is hiding, I also feel like I barley know who she is at all, lol! I really, really want to know what happened over the summer now. Did someone drown or something? That's kind of my guess, but I really don't have enough information to speculate anymore than that right now. I shall have to read more to see if I am on the right track with that assumption or not. ;)

I've never read a story that was based in the time-frame when Tom Riddle was at Hogwarts before, so this was a rather nice and welcomed change for me. I'll admit that it was rather strange to see him there amongst the other students. I mean, Tom Riddle was just chilling on the train with her brother like it was no big deal. Just your typical ride on the Hogwarts Express, I guess!! For real though, I cannot compliment you enough on how well written this was. You made writing Tom Riddle like a normal student seem effortless, and I completely applaud you for that!! I also liked the bit of foreshadowing you slipped in there when her brother said: “We had more important, super-secret things to do.” Like planning to take over the world, maybe? IDK?!? I am really looking forwards to seeing how that particular relationship develops as this story progresses. I hope nothing too bad happens to her brother though…

I must say, I really do love all the names that you have chosen for your characters here. Hero, Finlay, Theo, Emory; they're not the typical common names that you hear, and I like that a lot. You've introduced a lot of new people in this first chapter, and given just enough information to grab my attention and get me hooked!! I am seriously hoping that the flag will be in here so that I can continue this one tonight!! But if now, I will definitely be back to read more as soon as I can. This is way too interesting not to keep reading. This was a VERY great start!!! 100/10 =)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Aw so sweet to know it's been on your reading list! I hope it lives up to your expectations! :P Thank you SO much for the review! ♥

 Report Review

Review #15, by Yoshi_KittenThe Shadows Within: Prologue

19th April 2017:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for CTF!! I'll be honest, I've been so out of it this entire competition. RL has just been crazy busy for me, like all year. So this is actually my first review for CTF. And I wasn't really quite sure where to begin, so I was just scrolling though the Review Request threads, looking for Ravenclaw stories to R&R. This one in particular grabbed my attention because it was a Marauders fic, and I am SO GLAD now that I clicked it!!!

WOW!! I mean, this is already off to an incredibly good start! I was holding my breath from the first paragraph. You really know how to build up the suspense!! Your characterization of Lord Voldemort is SO good. He is one of the most difficult characters for me to write, so I always really appreciate it when somebody does him justice like you have done here. I especially loved your attention to detail as you described the way that he entered the room. And then when he started talking, I was just as impressed. You've captured his speech really well too. Please teach me how you do this, haha!! ;)

And the very last paragraph was really well done also!! Just the thought that Voldemort views these younger witches and wizards as dispensable is so very much in character for him. It gave me chills - in a good way, mind you. It was just so creepy, and so… Voldemort. I absolutely loved it!! And now I really can't wait to see what you do with the other characters as well (Like, say, Sirius and James for example…) Honestly, this was SUCH a great prologue!! It definitely left me wanting to read more, which is exactly what a story intro should do, so props for accomplishing that!! =D

I can already tell that you have a really great writing style, and I already love the way that you handle your characters. I've been away from HPFF/HPFT for a while now, and this was such a nice read to come back to. It was a frightening chapter, mind you, but it was SO GOOD!! Which is just great, to be able to leave and come back after like a year or so of being MIA, and find something new and incredible like this to read. We just have so many talented people in our community, and I just love it. I'm sorry, I'm rambling now. I'll stop, lol!! IDK when I'll make it back, but I will definitely be reading more of this ASAP!!

~ Deana

 Report Review

Review #16, by Yoshi_KittenThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: Bitter Conversations

18th April 2016:
Gabbie!! OMGosh, I am SO SORRY that it took me so long to get to this. I absolutely fail at review-swapping, lol! Let's see if I can make up for the incredibly long wait with a satisfactory review, lol!! =P

Okay, so first of all, it is absolutely wonderful to be reading this story again!! I re-read chapter 1 again also, just to refresh my memory, and I loved it even more the second time around!! I know I was a bit leery of this type of thing at first, but I am 100% in love with the story now! Audrey has really started to grow on me, especially when she is interacting with Percy, lol.

I am glad you took the time to give her backstory in this chapter, and I think it is awesome that she is putting herself through college. The poor thing barley has any time to think, it's no wonder she seems so one edge sometimes. And her family history is so tragic, the poor girl. I can't believe her brother just stopped talking to her. I do know what that's like, unfortunately, cuz my sister did the same thing IRL last year. Will he ever make an appearance in this story? I would hope that he would come to her wedding, but we shall just have to wait and see… Speaking of that though; I really hope that Audrey marrying Percy and joining the Weasley family will fill that void for her. She deserves to be in a big happy family like theirs, after all she's been through.

The two of them have such amazing chemistry together already, and the witty banter back and forth between them is very well done!! I especially love the way that they address each other as Mrs. Tang and Mr. Weasley. I just want them to be together already, and for Percy to tell her the truth about his world!!! GAH!!! There seems to be some obstacles that they will have to overcome before that can happen though. For example, Percy seems exceptionally moody. I get the feeling that there is more to his current state of depression other than Fred's death, but I could be wrong though.

I know this was a longer chapter than most would prefer, but it flowed so well that I barley noticed the length. Besides, I am guilty of writing lengthy conversations myself, so I really can't complain about that at all, lol! Seriously though; you write dialogue so amazingly well, Gabbie!! Everything from the time Percy woke up, to when he left with her book was brilliant!! His reaction to waking up in a stranger's house with little clothes on was great!! And I also loved his fascination with all of her muggle things!! When she said that the remote to the TV was “like magic” I laughed SO hard! Oh, if only she knew, haha!! =P

One tiny little thing I noticed here that was odd was when the child out on the sidewalk pointed Percy out to his mother, this getting Audrey's attention to the fact that he was there… Isn't it like one o'clock in the morning or later at this point? IDK what time the club closes, but didn't she just get off of work and hit up that burger joint on her way home? I may not have been following this correctly; so if I am wrong, then please just ignore this comment… But if it is that late out though, it just strikes me as weird that a little boy would be out with his mother at that hour. She lives in the muggle world, so I know there should be some sort of curfew laws in place, lol! I just don't see why any mother would be out on the street that late, when all the shops are closed and the only thing open are bars. Perhaps you could use some other element to get her attention there instead of a child? Again, if it actually is the middle of the day here and I read something wrong, just ignore this, lol! ^_^'

Overall this was an amazing chapter, and I cannot wait to read more!! You have created quite an amazing, intelligent, and strong OC here. Audrey is growing on me, and I am excited to see her and Percy's relationship as it progresses. I am especially excited for her and Hermione to meet. I'm sure Hermione will appreciate Audrey's collection of Shakespeare and Poe, lol!! I cannot help what Molly will say when she hears about Audrey's profession though. Will Percy even dare to tell his mother about that? If so, that will be interesting to read too, I'm sure!! ;)

Again, I am SO SORRY that it took me all week to get to this, hun. I really am enjoying this story tho, and I will be reading/reviewing chapter 3 ASAP, I promise!! Feel free to swap with me again any time!! Great story Gabbie, keep up the amazing work!!! ♥

~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! *Squish*

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this chunky and awesome review! It was so nice to hear from you and I totally enjoyed our swap so we must do it again sometime! ;D

I think that a lot of people are kind of put off by Audrey and I suppose it's because of how crass she tends to be. She's not everyone's cup of tea but what I like about her is that she's always pushing forward. I thought this chapter needed to hint at her background and show just how far she's come.

I have it in my mind that her brother does come back but he might not reunite with her so well as to come to her wedding. Audrey hasn't seen him in a long time and she's had to struggle on her own, so I think that it'll be really tense between the two. She does want a big family though and I feel like being with Percy might help her see that she can be loved in the same way she helps him understand that it's all right to be himself.

Percy and Audrey have hilarious banter! I think half of their relationship is witty remarks towards one another. The Weasley and Ms. Tang gag goes on throughout this whole story. Haha.

Percy IS very moody and he has a lot of dark secrets that will be revealed soon that might make their relationship harder. It does have a lot to do with Fred but then, it's the afterward that matters the most to me. What was he like after Fred died? I think a lot of what is wrong with him stems from that question.

My chapters are ALWAYS kind of chunky and I try no to do that so much. Hahah. I'm glad that it flowed well for you though because this wasn't the chapter that I was very proud of. It was very fun to write though and I loved everything about Percy's interactions with Audrey. Hahah.

The line about the remote always makes me snort with laughter. Hahaha.

Okay, I have gotten another comment about the mother and little boy. I have never really liked that particular scene and after reading what you had to say about it, I will go through and change it. It just doesn't seem to fit so I may just take it out entirely so thanks so much for pointing this out!

Audrey is a pretty strong woman but at the same time, she has her vulnerable side too. I love her a lot as an OC and I hope you stick around to see how her relationship with Percy progresses! I do believe she and Hermione will be good friends. Hahaha.

Thanks for the awesome review!

Much love,

Gabbie



 Report Review

Review #17, by Yoshi_KittenSirrah Malfoy: Introduction

16th April 2016:
Hey Nix!! Surprise, lol!! RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for the Slytherin Review Tag... Although, I could have sworn that I had at least reviewed the 1st chapter of this for you, like way back in the day, lol!! Cuz I totally remember this story, and in my checkoff list, I have it marked that I've already read clear down to chapter 7. Idk why I apparently never left you a review before, but I'm here now!! And I know that we have at least discussed Sirrah before, haven't we??

Anyway, I love her!! She is so sassy, and her inner dialogue is very entertaining to read. She is quirky and a little bit on the spoiled side, you can tell. Especially by the way that she works her mother, lol. That was brilliant!! It's sad that Draco doesn't give her enough attention, but I could totally see him doting on his son more tho. So that was some very good cannon characterization there!

I cannot help but wonder how Scorpius feels about this tho. Do he and his sister at least have a decent sibling relationship, or are they more rivals? Sirrah doesn't talk too much about her feelings toward her brother here, so I cannot wait to see what is revealed about their relationship in future chapters!! ;)

Only bit of CC I can offer her is to watch switching your tenses. For example; when she says: :I hated side-apparating." I think 'hated' should be 'hate' instead. There were a few other instances of this as well, but it's an easy fix!

Everything else was perfect, Nix!! This was a brilliant introduction chapter, and you have developed a really strong OC here!! Also, I LOVE her name; and I love the fact that she hates it too, lol!! Sirrah has such a strong personality, and I enjoy reading from her POV. I cannot wait to read (well, re-read at this point, lol!) more and see where this goes!! I was so happy to see that you were working on this story again in your status updates on the forums. YOU CAN DO IT, NIX!! I will be here to cheer you on, lol!! See ya in the next chapter!!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi! Well, this was a surprise! Erm, sort of. I did see your post in the Review Tag before I saw the review, but it was still a surprise nonetheless. I think we have talked about Sirrah, although I also cannot remember if you ever reviewed it. But that's okay! You're here now, anyway.

I also love how sassy she is! And her inner dialogue is so much fun to write. I'm trying to bring that back a bit more, I feel like it's gotten a bit lost in the story of late. She is spoiled, that's for sure. She gets what she wants, for the most part. But that doesn't mean she doesn't work for what she wants. She does know how to work her mother but of course, she's been very much affected by Draco's lack of attention to her and over-attentiveness to her brother. You know, that's an interesting thought, it never really occurred to me how Scorpius might feel about this... but he's also kind of a selfish jerk so... maybe he doesn't think anything on it at all? I don't know, I'll have to think about that. I'd definitely say they are more rivals than anything. But that doesn't mean they don't occasionally have a decent relationship. It's a bit twisted, really. I do go into a bit of detail on this in a later chapter.

I am bad a tense switching, I will admit. But I get what you mean.

Thanks so much for this lovely review! I'm so glad you love Sirrah! She is quite a fun character to write. I love her name, too. Although I don't think she hates it? She might hate the tradition, but there are so many worse names I could have chosen. I AM trying to continue this! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! I just need to work on it a bit more.

Thanks agian for the review!

xxNix


 Report Review

Review #18, by Yoshi_KittenYou Are Beautiful: Happy Anniversary

12th April 2016:
Hello my little JaydePuff!! Just stopping by your lovely AP here for the Staff appreciation week!! ♥

OMG, this little one-shot is so BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so happy that you chose to write this about the Molly/Arthur relationship. They were the PERFECT choice for this challenge, I think!! And your characterization of both of them was spot-on; especially with Arthur. This little story was so beautiful, and the emotion was so well written that I had tears in my eyes as I was reading this. Happy tears, of course, lol!!

Your writing style is beautiful and eloquent as ever, Jayde. You really made me FEEL something here, and I love that about this piece!! The way that you have captured their relationship is so endearing and so believable. I am in love with Arthur's idea of the letters. Idk how in the world he managed to keep something like this a secret for all of these years, but if anyone could do it; Arthur Weasley could! Molly's reaction was perfect too, and just so sweet! Then I also loved it that he used her nickname too, haha!! That was such a cute little addition, and it made me smile. :)

Honestly, the only small bit of CC I can think of here, is that the gap between the letter after Fred's Death and then the last one was a bit much in comparison to the dates/time-frame in between all of the others. Perhaps you might consider going back and maybe adding in one more letter in between, like maybe around the time that their first or second grandchild was born, perhaps. And then they wouldn't stop off on such a sad/depressing note as well. You don't HAVE to add anything though, of course, because this is absolutely perfect the way that it is!! It's just that, for me personally, I would have loved to see a little bit more. But that's only because I was enjoying the story so much, lol!! ;)

I hope you do well in the challenge you entered for this. Honestly, I haven't read any of the other entries, but this one is just SO BEAUTIFUL, I really think that it deserves to place, lol!! Please let me know how you do, and keep me updated it you do decide to write more. Love ya hun, and good luck!!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: D.E.A.N.A! ♥

Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to read and review this, I was so excited to read your thoughts on this since you really helped me SO much with it! (I'm still going to go back and thank you in an Author's Note, by the way, I haven't forgotten!) *Squish* And thank you for participating in the surprise Staff Appreciation week! I can't tell you how much it meant to all of us!

Haha, I agree that Molly and Arthur were a great choice here, and YOU helped me see that, so credit for that definitely goes to you, lovely! ♥ Aww! Thank you SO much for your sweet compliment, I'm so glad to hear that you think their characterization was good and that this was beautiful and you could feel the emotions!! *squish*

Eeeek! STAHP it, you're going to make me cry! I can't tell you how flattered I am that you think my writing is beautiful and eloquent! I'm SO pleased that I could make you feel something here, as that's definitely what I was aiming for! Hahah, being honest, I really don't know how Arthur managed to keep the letters a secret for so long either, but I definitely agree that if someone could find a way, it'd be him! :P And I'm glad you liked the use of the nickname. Honestly, I wasn't planning on adding that bit, it just jumped in there on its own. And, after reading everyone's comments about it, I'm so happy that it did! :P

Thank you SO much for the feedback! You're absolutely right, there is quite a bit of a gap between the 'Fred' letter and the last one, and I'm definitely going to try to think of another letter to go in there at some point! For right now, I was just focused on trying to finally write something for the first time in FOREVER, and also complete it before the challenge deadline, plus I've never written an epistolary fic before, so I was a tiny bit concerned about having TOO much letter in there. But, I'm a little more comfortable with it now and I definitely agree that there's a HUGE gap there, so as I said I'm going to think up another letter to go in there as soon as I get a chance! Thank you SO MUCH for that CC and I'm so happy you were enjoying it so much! ♥

Thank you for the good luck wishes! Of course I'll let you know as soon as the results are posted, and if/when I write one more letter to stick in there! Thank you again, SO MUCH, for your help with this and for stopping by with this absolutely wonderful review! *Squishes*


 Report Review

Review #19, by Yoshi_KittenGrey.: Grey

6th April 2016:
Hi Gabbie!!! OMGosh, I know it's been FOREVER, lol!! It is so nice to be reading your works again too!! Oh, how I have missed this!! Sorry, I hope you don't mind that I chose this story… You know that I am a sucker for any and all things Draco!! Plus, I had seen this banner in Floralprint's gallery a few days ago, when she filled a banner request for me, and fell in love with it!! I didn't realize until just now tho that it was to one of YOUR stories!!!

Oh, my poor little Draco!! I always love reading stories of him after the war, the poor tortured soul that he is. I think you have done an amazing job at portraying him here. I felt so bad for him, it almost made me cry; seeing him in such agony!! You really know how to write Angst incredibly well, Gabbie. I'm not sure how you placed in the challenge, but I hope you did really well, as this piece was nearly perfect!!

The only tiny bit of CC I have to offer here is to maybe watch some of those run-on sentences. There were several places where commas needed to be added, and then some places where the comma just needs to be changed to a full stop/period. But other than that, your writing is excellent Gabbie!! Everything flowed really well, and the emotion throughout this piece was spot-on!!

And then that little twist you added in with Astoria? Scandalous!! Honestly, with that backstory alone, this could easily become a Novel all on its own! And that is definitely something that I for one would love to read more of. It looks as though I will have to be checking out some of your other stories asap, after reading that AN at the end there, lol! ;)

I just can't believe that Draco ends up with Pansy here. Although I do NOT ship it in the slightest, you have certainly done a good job at making their relationship convincing enough in this. I really can't stand Pansy Parkinson at all, lol!! Yet you have somehow made me feel sorry for her through Draco's emotions in this piece. And that's saying something right there. Well done, Gabbie!!

Thanks again for the swap, and I am sorry again for the delay in getting this review back to you. It is always a pleasure reading your stories though, Gabbie. Feel free to swap me again at ANY time!! It is so nice to be back with my HPFF family. I have missed you!! ♥

~Deana~

Author's Response: HELLO! >:)

Welcome back, Deana! I totally missed you and I am so happy that you chose to check this story out, it's been too long since we've swapped stories!

This is actually one of my favorite banners and I am SO in love with it, Floralprint makes awesome banners and I'm so happy that she continually surprises me!

I really love writing Draco like this, it's become kind of an obsession to see if I can make him cry. Hahaha. People usually hate his character but I think that writing him as more of a tortured soul is hard to resist. I don't think that the world would have treated him kindly after the War and I certainly don't think he would have walked away unscathed.

I didn't win this challenge or place very high but I had a lot of fun with this! I would certainly do it again! :D

Thanks for letting me know about the run on sentences, I tend to do that a lot in my stories! ;__; I'm glad that the emotions came across as really strong though because that's usually what I want you guys to focus on.

Hahaha. The thing with Astoria is scandalous indeed! This could have really become a novel but A Force of Wills is already up and goes into more detail about Draco's history with her. :D

I have a few stories with Draco and Pansy, I ship them so hard now. Hahaha. I think that Draco cares about Pansy but he doesn't love her and that's a big difference. You can read, "Ruins", "Lovely," and "Marry Me" if you want to understand their relationship more.

Thank you SO much for this amazing review, you're seriously the greatest! Swap with me again anytime!

Much love,

Gabbie




 Report Review

Review #20, by Yoshi_KittenPhotograph: 1

6th April 2016:
Hello Sarah, thanks so much for doing a swap with me!! Sorry, again, for the delay in getting this back to you… So I know it's been a LONG while since I've read any of your stories, but I have always been a fan of your works. (Your Albus potter stories were always so fantastic!!) I am convinced, however, that you can write anything though, as this little one-shot of yours is exceptional too!! This piece was just so heartbreaking, and ohhmygosh, my feels!!! Poor, poor, Remus!! ='(

I loved how you kept switching back and forth between the past and the present here. It allowed us glimpses into a time when their lives were happy and not so devastating. I also quite enjoyed the hints at Sirius/Remus that were weaved throughout this piece as well. It is so upsetting to know that, the whole time Remus is sitting here blaming himself for not noticing that Sirius was a double-agent, all along it is actually Peter who was the spy. GAH!!! I have so much hatred for that little rat!! Grrr….

Poor Remus. I just wanted to reach into this story and hug him and let him know that none of it was his fault!! Remus' story has always been so tragic, and you have done such a spectacular job of capturing that here. The emotion that you conveyed all throughout this piece was VERY well done!!

Also, I love, love, LOVE Ed Sheeran!!! I feel like you did both songs justice here, especially Photograph. Both songs were very fitting to this story, and to their relationship. I too wish that they would have had the chance to tell their friends how they really felt about one another. I really love the way you have captured Remus' character here, as well as Sirius. Perhaps you could do another one-shot sometime, and continue this piece from the time that Remus learns the truth in PoA and he and Sirius are reunited in the Shrieking Shack? Just my wishful thinking, haha!! If you ever do write more on this though, please do let me know as I would love to read it!!

Thanks so much for the swap, Sarah!! It is always a pleasure reading any of your works. Your writing is, as always, very well done. I loved it!!! ♥

~Deana~

 Report Review

Review #21, by Yoshi_KittenMaking the Reserves: Making First String

2nd April 2016:
Hello again, back for chapter 2!! I couldn't put this story down!! This chapter was even better than the last. I love how their characterization is all progressing. I'm beginning to like Daisy a lot tho, lol. She clearly has great hair, plus she's crazy and fun. To be honest, her character reminds me a lot of a friend that I had back in High School. And boy did her and I ever get into some trouble back in our teenage days, lol! And then Cheri is a lightweight, like I am, so I definitely felt a connection with her there, haha!! XD

All of them feel very real to me already though, the whole entire group. And I love watching such close friendships be made!! I mean, they already have this unspoken bond over flying; and then they have this freaky accident on the way to the bar, bringing them even closer. (Molly is crazy, btw, but I loved it when she was cloud surfing!! That whole scene was so beautifully written.) Then they all reach their destination and finally let lose at the bar, and everyone just fits so well together. Their conversations are so smooth, and it feels like they've all known each other for a long time. Their love of the game has made them all instant friends, and I just love the dynamic in their little group so much!!

The conversation between Molly & Cedric in the bar, where they were joking with one another and she claimed Reid as her new “knight on a shining broomstick” was my favorite part!! It made me laugh so much when he caught her kiss and played along, lol!!! (And then it was even more amusing when she woke up next to him the following morning, haha!!) That whole conversation was brilliant though. Your dialogue is just as well written as your descriptive writing, and it just makes this whole thing so incredibly good!! It feels like reading an actual book, as apposed to reading fanfiction. I am so in love with this story already!! ♥

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how much of a gentleman Reid is?!? OMG!!! I was all for shipping Molly/Cedric, but now Idk because Molly/Reid would be really cute together also. Their breakfast scene was adorable, and I loved it when he was revealed to be a secret Magpies fan also!! Either way it goes, I know that she will up becoming really close friends with whichever man she doesn't actually end up with. So there's always that to look forwards to. But how is she ever going to chose between the two of them? Maybe one of them will secretly like boys so that she doesn't have to pick between the two, lol! ;)

The scene at the end was really good too, and I especially like it when each of the girls introduced one another and stated what school they were from. One quick question about the guy's team though. Is it supposed to be Dias or Dais?? Because you keep switching the spelling back and forth between the two names, and it was a bit confusing. Nothing too major though, just something you may wanna read back over and correct really quick. Everything else was perfect though, as usual.

I was holding my breath right along with Molly there at the ending!! I honestly wasn't sure which way you were gonna go with it. I'm sure her hangover didn't put her at her best during the practice/secret audition, so she easily could have gotten put on the second string and it still would have been totally believable. I do sense a rivalry coming on between her and Jessica though. I'm sure that'll be interesting to read too!! GAH!! I wish I wasn't stuck at work ALL DAY today, that way I could read the rest of it without stopping, lol!!! REALLY great writing, Lo!! I will come back to read the rest asap!!! =D

~Deana~

 Report Review

Review #22, by Yoshi_KittenMaking the Reserves: Making it to the Academy

2nd April 2016:
Hey Lo, RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our review swap!! And I must say; it's kind of funny that our swaps this time around are both stories about Percy, but like total opposites of each other, lol.

But OMGosh, wow!! What did I just read?!? This is certainly not at all what I was expecting! But I absolutely loved it!!! Right from the beginning you grabbed my attention, and then managed to keep hold of it all the way through til the end!! This story is already SO exciting!! I love the way you have created your own Quidditch Universe within the HP Universe that we already know and love so much. It is very believable, and everything just fits in so extremely well!!

I love all of the new characters you have introduced so far, especially Cedric. I cannot wait to see what progresses between he and Molly (or perhaps maybe even Juliette?) as time goes on. Seriously, all of your introductions throughout this first chapter were flawless!!! And the way that you described this new school was amazing!! I could visualize everything so clearly in my head. Everything flowed so well together, and the pacing was perfect. Your writing is SO GOOD, Lo!!! I cannot wait to read more of this!!!

The only tiny bit of CC that I can give here is to maybe watch repeating some of the same words so close together. For example, at the very beginning when she is having that nightmare, you used the word “sky” twice in a row. And then it happened again when she was talking to Cedric at the end. You used the word “fiery” to describe her hair two times in a row also. I know I saw this happening one other time in the middle as well, but now I can't find it. But that/s really the ONLY thing that I noticed though, for real. Everything else was pretty much perfect!!

I could probly rave on and on until I reach the character-limit for this review about how amazing this first chapter is, but I think I would rather just go on and read the next chapter now, lol!! Thank so much for the swap tho, cuz Idk if I ever would have come across this story otherwise!!! Adding it to my favorites and reading on right now!! =D

~Deana~

 Report Review

Review #23, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Words

8th February 2016:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy, back again for chapter 3 of our review swap!! But I think I'll just skip the part where I tell you how amazingly awesome and super talented you are, lol. I'm pretty sure you know that all day, and I could fangirl over this story for days, haha!! ^_^;

Man, do I ever wish that I could paint a picture with words in the way that you do!! The way that you describe everything is so beautiful, and it puts such vivid images in my mind as I read. I absolutely LOVE that quality in your writing. I've been trying to develop this skill more and more over the years, but dialogue and conversations still remain to be my stronger areas of writing. I feel like I have really learned a thing or two, just by reading your story tho, so I do wanna thank you for that. This is seriously some of the best quality fanfiction that I have ever read!!

I loved all the mentionings of Nicolas Flamel and Elphias Dodge and all of Dumbledore's other various friends throughout this chapter. It's good to see that he is finally cheering up a bit and moving on somewhat. A broken heart is never an easy thing to mend, and it's good that you are showing his internal struggle with his feelings. It seems fare more natural, the way that this is progressing, and I think you have the pacing of everything down perfect.

Dumbledore is extremely in character all throughout this story so far. Never once have you made him even the slightest bit OOC, in my opinion. And that alone is no easy feat, lol! I for one find Dumbledore (as well as Voldemort) to be one of the most difficult characters in the HP world to write. Yet you portray him so effortlessly here!! He is clever, intelligent, and perfectly witty in his thought process. And his voice is very much distinct from Gellert's in the alternating chapters. I love how different, yet incredibly similar they are.

Honestly, this whole thing is just perfect, and I cannot wait to read more!! You keep me guessing as to where this story is going to take me to next, and I love that!! Also, I'm glad that I refreshed the page before submitting this review, cuz I LOVE the new chapter Image!! I went back and looked at the last 2 also, and they are all so beautiful!! They even match the banner and everything, lol! Please give the artist my props, and congrats on getting such incredible CI's made for this amazing story!! ♥

~Deana~

 Report Review

Review #24, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Wales

3rd February 2016:
RoxiMalfoy from the forums, finally here for our Review swap! I was so sure I had reviewed this chapter back when I did the 1st one, but evidently not. I know I've read this one before, but since it was so long ago, I decided to re-read the first 2 chapters all over again. Which honestly didnt bother me at all, cuz your writing is SO BEAUTIFUL!! I'm SO happy to see that you won a Dobby! I remember voting for this fic in like every category it was nominated in that year, so congrats on that, lol. It was definitely well deserved!

The first time I read this tho, I totally was NOT expecting to be reading from the POV of Gellert Grindelwald. That switch was such a nice surprise. I've never read anything featuring him in it like this before, so all I know of him is what little we learned in cannon. That being said, your characterization of him feels like it was pulled directly out of Jo's world! I dont know HOW you've done it with such little information to go on, but this version of Grindelwald just feels so right, and so natural. Every little detail you have created fits seamlessly into what we already know of him from the books. But then you take it one step further, and expand upon what little information we have already been given, and make him into this very deep and relatable character. From now on, I dont think I'll ever be able to look at Grindelwald the same way again, lol!

I LOVE it when a story here at HPFF gives me a whole new outlook on things, and this was no exception! Cuz you never would expect such a notoriously dark wizard as Grindelwald to be so sweet, endearing, and capable of such strong feelings of love. But then again, at sixteen years of age, I also find it difficult to believe that he would be in full-on dark wizard, take over the world mode, lol. But you can definitely see the beginning stages of that particular mind-frame starting to blossom here. I know that alot of people compare Voldemort to Grindelwald, but the two of them really arent all that similar, if you think about it. Sure, they shared many of the same belief systems, but what makes Voldemort so evil is that he was literally incapable of love. He was born of a loveless conception, then raised in an orphanage with no family to help nurture him during his upbringing. Grindelwald on the other hand; he did have a family. He had the support system that Tom Riddle never knew, and then, he also had Albus.

Personally, I do not think that Dumbledore, even at such a young age, could ever have been attracted to someone like Tom Riddle. So if the two dark wizards were as similar as people like to assume, then it would not be likely that Dumbledore would have fallen for Grindelwald the way that we know he did. Cuz as far as we know, Gellert is the only one that Albus ever had feeling for like this. (Much like Snape was with Lilly.) Sometimes in life we only get that 1 true love, and it's highly unlikely that Dumbledore -THE Albus Dumbledore- could have given his heart away to someone who was truly evil. So I totally get where it is you are writing from here, and I must say that I am absolutely mesmerized by it! I'm so glad, and so relieved to see that Gellert is NOT just another copy of Lord Voldemort in this story.

Wow, I just went off on this HUGE tangent without even meaning to, lol!! You see what your story has evoked in me already?!? This has really got me thinking quite a bit, for real tho. Cuz I was one of those people who thought that Grindelwald & Voldemort were way more similar than that. But now that I think about it, there really is no way that that could have been possible. Not at first, anyway. But we all know how both of these boys turn out in the end, so it will be fascinating to see the ways in which their characters grow and develop from here. I cannot wait to see where you take the two of them from this point forward...

Getting back to the actual review part tho - sorry for betting so distracted, haha... The language in this. OMG, dont even get me started on the language in these first 2 chapters, lol! It is so beautiful, and poetic, and rich in detail, and just so astoundingly profound! How did you do that?!? Not only was it perfect in regards to these two characters, but it's also extremely relevant to the time period as well. This all takes place in 1899 after all, so the way that they speak is absolutely beautiful in every single way. People really dont talk like that anymore, and it's a shame. Your English is exquisite though Aph, and I feel like I myself have already learned a thing or two, just by reading this, lol! ;)

I loved how the reoccurring theme of silence carried over from the 1st chapter into this one as well. Really, everything that you have to say about the subject is so amazingly detailed, and spot on. I'm so terrible at describing those awkward silences in a conversation, but you do it so beautifully here, OMG! I could go on and on about how amazing this was, but I think I've rambled here for long enough... I will point out the one (and only) thing I noticed that needs fixing was in this paragraph here:

The few memories I have of that summer which are not of the way your hair glowed in firelight and the way your eyes lit up and shone when you saw me in the same way they would shine when you spoke of a fascinating theory or your Hogwarts, are fleeting and strangely blurred, as though a careless painter has tipped water onto a landscape, and so much of Wales is now a spoiled masterpiece, the colours leaking and running across each other, until I cannot remember how it was supposed to look.

That whole entire thing is just one long run-on sentence. Idk if that was intentional, or if perhaps it was a formatting thing, but you may wanna go back and break that up with some commas or periods or something. I feel silly for pointing out something so small, but really everything else was PERFECT! ♥

~Deana~

 Report Review

Review #25, by Yoshi_KittenTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Dripping Wings

31st January 2016:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy, here to squeeze in some last minute reviewing for the Gryffindor RvsG Battle. Go Team Red!!

Okay, so at the end of chapter one, I was really wanting to hear Hagrid tell the story. But then it ended on that big cliffhanger instead, lol. However, now that I have read chapter two, I am glad that you chose to tell the story through Al's essay instead. I feel like doing it this way has given you way more opportunity to go into much more detail, and I really enjoyed it. I like how we sortta get two stories in one here, and Saki's tale is so beautiful, and romantic, and fascinating. And I loved all the imagery you used throughout this, especially when you were describing all the colors and clouds in the sky – that bit was my favorite.

One thing I would suggest it to really watch some of those huge bulky paragraphs. I was reading from my cell phone, and they were a bear to get through on such a small screen. Some examples of this include the first paragraph of the essay, and then again a few paragraphs down, where it start with: “Saki had reached adolescence now.” I think it would read a bit better of the line stating: “The crows flew back to their homes,” was the start of a new paragraph altogether. It breaks it up more, and makes it easier to read, I think.

Also, I did notice a few places where the English could be tweaked a bit to make things flow more smoothly. Is English your native language, by the way? If not, then this is VERY impressive, I must say! You are doing an excellent job so far. The following are just a few suggestions of edits that you can make of you would like to:

“She had been dreamed to marry Shota” – She had been dreaming to marry Shota

“How can just I let you walk away” – How can I just let you walk away

“Albus caught his off guard and tried to remember” – Albus, caught off his guard, quickly tried to remember

“When they reached to the East Asia section, they encountered a person they didn’t want to the most.” - When they reached the East Asia section, they encountered the last person they wanted to meet.

Like I said, this are just a few of my suggestions. Sorry if I am being overly critical here, I really am only just trying to help. I really do feel as though the overall concept of this story is very intriguing. And I love the fact that you are opening the HPFF world up to the idea of exploring new cultures. That is what makes this fic so unique, and so unlike anything I have ever read! Which reminds me… I don't believe that I have ever welcomed you to the site, Kenny, but welcome indeed. I'm glad that you chose to be in Gryffindor, lol. Thank You so much for bringing your creativity and new world views to this site. I love how diverse the HPFF community is, and it always brings me great joy to discover something new and interesting to read, such as this.

I am looking very forwards to seeing where this goes as the story progresses. My biggest question right now would be where all the animosity between Scorpius & Albus id coming from. I hope that you will be shedding some light on this very soon... See ya in chapter 3 as soon as I can get there! RL can be so hectic sometimes, it's crazy. But don't you worry, I WILL be back!! =)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Thank you Deana to stop by before the end of January.

Your suggestion is really helpful. I noticed deviding paragraphs is very important when I read the other author's work. I'll try fixing this chapter ASAP including fixing typos.

Oh, I hit Phil Collins's words wrongly. Thank you for pointing it out.

Your words are ones of the best compliments I've ever had. Thank you for encouraging me, Deana. With friends' help, I can keep writing here. I need to read the other authors's stories, too.

Describing the nature is like drawing or painting a picutre. So it's fun to imagine the scene. I wish I could write using more sophisticated words. I have to learn more from the other author's work at the point of vocabulary and the description.

Yeah, I agree with your idea that it's great joy to discover something new that I can't create at all here.

I feel amazed to realize that thinking a plot and writing stories of fanfiction is just from my mind, but it's great that the other authors and readers read it and leave comments.

The relationship between Scorpius and Albus, you'll see how it will go when you keep reading. :)

Thank you again for stopping by during your precious weekend free time!

Kenny


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>