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Hello darling!  Here for a review swap (review swaps via statuses are the best!)

Okay, so I find it very intriguing that Jodie is characterized as a liar, even though she hates to do so.  Oftentimes in fanfiction, the main characters have all these wonderful qualities, but never seem to have any flaws.  And those flaws always seem to be inconsequential, ridiculous flaws that really hold no meaning to their personality/characterization.  However, Jodie is well aware that she's a liar and although she doesn't flaunt it, the fact that she admits it is fascinating.  I really like that in a character.  I like realistic.

I also like her name: Jodie.  It's so normal and realistic.  Many fanfiction characters use off-the-wall names like Octavia and when, as a reader, you see these crazy names over and over, it gets to be a cliche.  So, anyway, I like your choice of name.  It's refreshing.

Oh, I also love the simile about her love life being like oatmeal and then Fruit Loops.  That was cute and unique and made me laugh.

Overall, I like the start of this story! It was a good read! :)

Shelby

Author Response

Shelby! Review swaps are the best haha.

Yes, Jodie isn't always the most honest though she tries to be. Hehe, yes, flaws are necessary to every character, Without one, a character seems flat, in my opinion that is. You find her fascinating? That's a first I've heard but I love it! 

Her name... it was so hard to find one for her. I kept searching through lists of baby names and common British girl names and then I saw Jodie and I was like 'yup, that's her.' And not everyone is blessed with a unique name... some of us are stuck with the common ones, but those ones are the most fun to play with, don't you think?

I think the simile of oatmeal and Fruit Loops tells a lot about me... that I eat a lot of cereal. I was hoping someone would catch that, I think you are one of the only ones. :)

I tremendously loved reading this so thank you for review swapping with me. ^_^

~Sama

Hello Lia!  I'm finally here! I should be ashamed of myself, I know.

God, this oneshot.  This.  I really love how you portray Minerva's love life - her memories of Dougal, her situation with her boss, and Tom.  You hint that Minerva has a passionate, loving heart, but time, experience, and life seem to have gotten in the way.  She tries to rationalize love - rationalize getting over Dougal by marrying Urquart, rationalize her feeling about Tom - it's all very purposeful and sly.  I really like what you've managed to do.  I've got so many questions.  You've answered some and left me to ponder much, more more.  I love, LOVE when writers let me do the thinking instead of explaining every little detail.  That's what a true writer does, and let me say, you're brilliant at it.

I do want to suggest that you take a quick look over the story because I saw some tense switches.  There weren't too many and nothing really to worry about, but I thought I'd point it out :)

You've mastered a delicate balance of description and dialogue.  Something I really admire about your style is the lack of fluff.  Here, you don't throw all these metaphors and figures of speech down our throats.  You simply tell the story, letting the emotions drive the plot.  I really like that.  Personally, I'm the writer who likes to write fluff, but when you write it for so long, you want to read something fresh, and well, modern.  Your writing has this very twenty-first century glean to it.  You're to the point and I like it!

I want to go back to Minerva.  In the book, we see her as caring.  Tough, but caring.  And yet, I keep coming back to the fact that you've characterized her as a lover.  I think we HP nerds forget that Minerva was a human being too and wanted, like all of us, to love and be loved.  

Overall, I think this is a wonderful story!  You've got so many great qualities as a writer and storyteller.  I can't wait to read more of your writing.  The title, by the way, is perfect!

&hearts;
Shelby

Author Response

Hello Shelby,

I am awful. I've tried so many times to respond to this review, but the words never came to me. So it is I who should be ashamed of myself.

We often see her as the stern-looking Professor who yells at Lee Jordan during Quidditch matches, or makes you want to find a corner and cry from her sharp tongue. There's never a thought that she might have been young once. She might have been in love once or twice, or done something completely insane and had a good laugh afterwards. So, this was a learning experience for me as well in an effort to understand her much better. I had no idea so much had happened in her life. She loved hard and lost so much. 

At the root of it, she is trying to be sensible. Dougal was important to her, perhaps for years on. But, she's thinking about moving on because it has been a while. She should be happy without having to feel guilty, and maybe she could find that happiness with Urquart. As for Tom, wellÃ¢Â€Â¦that's another can of worms, I think. I live by "you can't help who you're attracted to". There's something about him that makes her pay more attention, and for him it's the same. She almost gave in too. Almost.

I love questions, Shelby. I really do. I love feeling the same way when I read other authors' works :) I'm game if you put them in my MTA page. I love anything that makes me discuss my writing and the characters. I think it's the whole point.

I'm glad you think so. I'm not one to make things too flowery - though authors can pull it off really well. But, I like simple things with elements of subtlety, so I hope that's what you've found here. 

I definitely must re-read this. I never pick up my mistakesÃ¢Â€Â¦ever. Never mind I printed the document out and went through it with a red pen. 

Thank you for such a thoughtful review, Shelby. I'm sorry I haven't gotten to this sooner.


Lia

Hello Dan!  I'm finally back after about twenty-five years.  They told me that teaching would be difficult and time-consuming, but I really had no idea.  But anyway, I'm back.  This might all come out as a fangirl squee and make so sense, but I'll try to sound like someone with an English degree.

I must tell you that I was completely green with envy as I read the descriptions of Draco's dream.  They were so haunting and chilled me to the bone without being downright disgusting or uncouth.  I adore the imagery - it's impeccable.  As I said in the last review, I'm very picky about my Draco, but you've won me over without a shadow of a doubt.  I knew that from the first chapter, but this one confirmed it:  you write Draco better than JKR.  Where did you come up with the idea for the nightmare?  One wouldn't think at first that the war and all its gruesome and morally despicable acts would bother Draco, and then you write something like that.  I'm insanely jealous of your style and ability to turn a phrase.  It's a work of art.  As a fellow writer and avid reader, I appreciate and admire the effort you've put into crafting each sentence.  It's a true joy (and relief, really) to read a story in which the writer enjoys and reveres his craft, whether it be fanfiction or original.

I'd like to also say that I think you're doing splendidly when it comes to Draco's dialogue.  He's only, what, 17 or 18 here?  He has obviously changed and we're getting into his head, but you've shown that he's grown (perhaps) and changed as a person through his speech.  Pre-war Draco had this...immaturity to his speech.  And now, it's as if he's aged a thousand years.  For me, Blaise still holds those traces of, well, what I like to call teenager talk.  It's excellently crafted.

I do have to wonder about Astoria's father's reaction to her question.  He did go off the rails quite a bit.  I have a few ideas, but I don't want to spill yet because it's only chapter two and things are bound to get more complex, knowing you!  

Oh, by the way, calling Voldemort a "raving madman off of his street corner" - literally had me in stitches.  I know that's not what you were going for, but for someone to call Voldemort a raving madman?  It's preposterous.  Astoria's father is hiding something.  Anyone with sense would never say that, not even Dumbledore (who, I think, knew Voldemort's heart-per se- and intentions better than anyone).  It's the word choice - I took wayyy too many English courses where we analyzed such miniscule details.  It's all in the details, though, isn't it?

I find your diction fascinating and compelling - so advanced, yet not overwhelming for the average reader.

Overall, Dan, I'm in awe.  I must be barking mad not to have been here sooner.  You're one of the best writers I've seen on this site.  In all seriousness, you are.  I love it.  I can't wait to see what's in store - please do be patient as I work my slow way through?  (Hope this made the tiniest bit of sense!)

Excellent!

Shelby

Author Response

Hi, Shelby!

I'm glad you liked Draco's dream. I was going for a very dark, spartan feel, but I also wanted to be descriptive. It wasn't an easy combination and I was worried it was too hard to follow. Anyway, whew! As far as the idea goes, I was following on with the idea that Draco is still haunted by the things he saw and took part in during the war.

Draco would be around 18 at this point in the story. Like most of the Hogwarts students who survived the war, he had to grow up fast. The snotty, arrogant kid who used to torment the Trio is pretty much gone by this point, replaced by an adult who's vary cautious and deliberate and more than a little scarred by the experience. Zabini, on the other hand, was much less affected. You can see it in his reckless behavior.

Astoria's father is a pureblood from an old family, but the Greengrasses stayed out of the war. So he really doesn't understand how powerful and dangerous Voldemort was. In his mind, it was the support of wealthy, influential families like the Blacks and Malfoys that allowed Voldemort to rise to power, hence the raving madman comment.

I try really hard to keep the diction appropriate to each character, so I'm really pleased that you like it. It's tricky when you're combining relative children like Astoria with high-bred adults like her father.

Thank you for all of the compliments. I really appreciate it!

Hello Susan!  I'm so sorry I'm so late getting this to you.  They always told that teaching would be difficult and time-consuming, but I had no idea!  Anyway, I'm here now :)

I know you said that I could review any chapters I wanted, so I'd like to go chapter by chapter.  It's just easier for my brain since I've got so much going on!  It also helps me when it comes to critiquing and such.

Okay, I do have a question.  Are you doing a comedy of manners like Austen did (or so some critics like to propose)?  

Even though this is the only second chapter, I feel like your plot is flowing nicely.  The dialogue helps to move the plot along.  Personally, I feel that your description is far superior to Austen's.  It isn't stagnant - you don't just describe for the sake of having description; it's all purposeful.  In this moment, I feel that moving any quicker would make the plot seemed rushed because of the tone and atmosphere you're trying to create and recreate based on the French Revolution and Austen's novel.  As I go through the story, I'll be sure to pay special attention to the plot.  For right now, I think you're on point.  

Again, it's only the second chapter (second chapters are so ornery!), but I don't believe the romance aspect is at all overshadowed by character development.  I think for an AU, character development is critical so that when the romance reaches its climax, we as readers will understand character reactions, dialogue, gestures, etc.  You've presented this AU so very well, giving meticulous details so that readers are not disoriented.  To me, the romance is like those fancy decorative flowers on a wedding cake:  necessary for the occasion, but not the certain point.  That make sense?  Probably not, haha!  The character development, plot, and setting are the game and the romance is the prize.  So basically, Susan, I think it's going splendidly.

I did see a small typo, but now that I go back, I can't find it!  It wasn't prominent.  An ordinary reader wouldn't have caught it (I make myself sound like an English god or something :P).

Can I say that I loved Ginny so much here?  You've stayed so true to canon, even with such an obviously AU story.  She's so independent and unconcerned with the nonsensical feminine things - it's a great mirror to the Ginny we see in the books.  Is Lily the literary foil for Rose here?  They're at such a contrast with each other in all senses of the term, that it struck me as well crafted.  Often times, we see writers who try too hard to make a character as unrealistic and quirky as possible or an exact replica of their protagonist - you, however, have crafted them so well.  It's magical.

Overall Susan, I truly admire what you've done here.  As always, I'm in complete awe of your talents.  You deserve much applause for this story.  I didn't find any aspect that needed CC.  I cannot wait to keep reading!  

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Thank you so much for this review, Shelby! Your reviews are always a treat - when I receive them makes no difference. ^_^

This is a comedy of manners, I think. It's not really a romance, though of course there's no way to avoid including a marriage plot within the story. But I've found that the story is more about Rose's navigation of society, working past the prejudices against her to make her own way in the world. There's already been a point where I became so caught up in Rose's story that Scorpius fell by the wayside, but that's something that also occurs in Austen's novels - each story is as much (if not more so) about the heroine's personal growth as it is about the relationship between her and the hero. Lizzie and Emma are the best examples of this, of course.

Wow, thank you for those compliments about the descriptions! I'm also very pleased to hear that the story flows well in these early chapters. Finding the right way to situate readers within an AU without including too much backstory is a challenge, more of a challenge than I expected, so it is a relief that it's working so far. 

"The character development, plot, and setting are the game and the romance is the prize." - this is very important! I can't describe how happy I am to hear someone saying it! How a romance develops depends far too much on those three factors for them to be placed in a secondary position. I like it when stories make the romance seem incidental, almost an accident that somehow happened along the way. It makes the story fuller, richer because it doesn't forget that there's a world outside of the romance, that there's always a world beyond the relationship between the two characters.

It's wonderful to hear that you like Ginny's characterization. She is quite a strange character to write, at least for me - fanon's perception of her is difficult to work around, but she's also a very unconventional character. I especially like how unpredictable she can be. She's an important mother-figure for Rose in this story, providing the role model for a witch who has found the perfect balance between family, her own interests, and society. 

Your compliments are making my day - I'm actually glad that I held off responding to this review so that I could relive its positive effects when I needed them most. It means so much that you've enjoyed the story and its characters, and I look forward to hearing your feedback on future chapters. ^_^

I could have sworn that I posted a review for this chapter!  I might be senile well before my years!  But anyway, hello my dear.  I hope you're enjoying your time off - but come back soon, we all miss you!  

I'm supposed to be planning lessons, so I can't leave a long review (maybe I should do my work when I'm supposed to :P).  Okay, Alrek.  I hate him.  Can't stand him - if I could get my hands through the screen and around his proverbial neck, I'd strangle him and then beat the evil right out of his stupid skull.  Good set-up, however.  He's so sneaky.  And Bellatrix, good gracious, you portray her perfectly.  I love her.  I mean, of course I don't because she's a terrible human being, but I love that you've got her spot-on and that she's so canon.  She's sick and twisted.  

And Belle's revelation!  I knew it, I knew it!  I just had this feeling it had to be something along the lines of love-pregnancy-loss of said pregnancy-leaving home, etc.  You set it up so wonderfully.  It's incredibly realistic.  Things like this happen all the time in the real world and I think the connection from fanfiction to RL binds us tighter to the story.  You're a genius, you know that?

But anyway, another fabulous chapter!  I will finish this story in the next century, I swear!  WUB YOU! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Hello Amanda!  Finally back for another chapter!

At the outset, I thought it was so odd for Salazar to mention a wedding at Hogwarts.  Hogwarts is an educational institution, not a wedding venue (although the idea is lovely).  It just didn't sit right with me, so when Salazar took Venn into the tunnels, I realized your intentions.  Very inventive, I must say.  I like the idea that he added them after the initial construction of Hogwarts.  Although, one does have to wonder how the other Founders never figured it out.  Perhaps we will learn something about that?

As always, everything is impeccable.  I did feel that Venn protested a bit too quickly, but then again, maybe I have been misjudging him over the course of the story.  I think that Rowena knows something is going on with Salazar because of your descriptions of her visage and her change of heart concerning Helena's marriage to Venn.  Overall, another wonderful chapter! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

The idea for making Hogwarts the venue sort of reminded me of when people who meet at college decide to get married in their university's chapel. I've seen it happen several times with friends of mine. Plus, Hogwarts is gorgeous :) But yeah, Salazar definitely had some ulterior motives when he invited Venn to come out and see him. 

Looking back on the story, I don't know that I specifically addressed how the other founders didn't find out about the tunnels, other than building Salazar up as a really sneaky character. As you'll see, they at least recognize that something is off about him, something that concerns them a lot. Rowena is probably the first to notice this.

I tried to show that Venn has some of the same anti-Muggle prejudice as his uncle but isn't quite strong enough to actually endorse violence against Muggles. Part of his journey here is learning to be stronger and do the right thing, to figure out who he is and what he really stands for. Whether he will make it there or not is the question.

Thanks for your lovely review! And I'm sorry this response took ages, I really am!

-Amanda

Hello Dan!  I'm finally here!  Yay for three-day weekends and no lesson preparation!  Have I ever read anything of yours?  I feel like I haven't and we somehow keep missing each other on the read/review spectrum!

You know, I'm very picky about my Draco stories.  Very picky just because I feel like he's one of those characters that JKR does so well - she has this particular characterization in place and he is just so completely complex.  I say this because I am in awe of your talent when it comes to Draco (among other things, but I'll get to those later).  I believe you've hit him spot on and yet, extended his characterization.  We would never see an intoxicated Draco in the series, but it is so canon.  It seems exactly like something the post-Hogwarts Draco would do.  He is much more than insulting, intolerant foil for Harry: he is conflicted individual much like Severus Snape.  If you can understand all of that nonsense, I'm basically trying to say that I love your Draco.  I will try not to fangirl over him, but you write him so well, I might turn into a ball of mush!

I admire your descriptions and dialogue as well.  The chapter is description heavy, but not in the least dull.  You are setting up the scene and novel(novel, right?) nicely.  And you know, the length of the description here reflects Draco's characterization - he's from a pureblooded, formal family with certain traditions.  The decision/writing style to create such wonderful description adds another layer to the character you've created.  It gives us insight without steering into purple prose.  

The encounter with Astoria is so perfect: it's officially my headcanon.  I can't wait to find out more about her and how you characterize her.  I'm so fascinated by her already.  Now, I might be totally off the mark, but this is how I view her now:  She's sympathetic not just because she's a pureblood, but because she sees that Draco needs sympathy and even pity during this time.  Astoria seems like my idea of a twenty-first century pureblood - she sticks with the traditions simply because they're traditions, but not necessarily agree.  I'm probably way off your characterization and this will sound stupid, but that's what vibes I'm getting!  Furthermore, the way Astoria seems to somewhat sober Draco up is wonderful.  You'd think he would be cold and unyielding, yet I believe he would gravitate to a woman akin to his mother - loving to him and sympathetic to his needs.  I hope there are parallels between the two (so maybe I'm not completely off!).

I also enjoyed the reverse-racism we see here.  I hope this theme continues to come up now and again.  The wizards and witches almost don't realize that what the Death Eaters and Voldemort sympathizers did to them that they, in turn, are doing.  It's so literary and intense - not something you see every day in fanfiction.

Well, anyway, after that ramble...I loved every aspect of this first chapter.  No constructive criticisms from me in this chapter!  It's impeccable.  Okay, so every week I try to make my rounds and review at least one chapter in all of the stories I love (Jami's, Amanda's, Becky's, etc.) and I'm DEFINITELY adding you to my list of fanfictions to keep track of.  You have great style and a great command of the English language!  I will be back for more!

Shelby

Author Response

Hi, there!

I agree that Draco ended up being a very complicated character in the books. He definitely didn't start out that way. For the first 5 books, he was more or less a punching bag for the Trio who occasionally punched back. But starting with the sixth book, JKR introduced a lot of subtlety to him. In very limited appearances, his character gave us a window into what it was like to be a very conflicted participant on the other side of the war. So like you, it frustrates me when people write him as either a one-dimensional villain or as a white-washed redemption story. I don't think of him as either.

I'm glad that all of the descriptions didn't make the chapter drag. There honestly wasn't much for him to say until he encounters Astoria, so it was the only way to go. This story has become a novel, somewhat to my surprise. I was thinking short story or novella when I started out. Funny how these things can get away from you.

I actually think you have a pretty good handle on where I'm heading with Astoria. She does tend to honor tradition, but it's more out of a sense of duty to her family than because she agrees with the letter of the rules. At times, she doesn't see the point. But she does obey her father because that's what proper pureblood young ladies do.

I tend to think that once the initial shock and grief from the war passed, there was a lot of anger directed at those who were identified with the Death Eater cause. In Draco's case, the anger isn't completely unjustified. There was definitely a time in his life where he idolized his father and wanted to be just like him. I'm sure there were also moments during the war -- whether out of immaturity or just plain fear -- where he flaunted the mark on his arm. The fact that his family changed sides at the end almost makes it worse in a way, because they're mistrusted and hated by both sides.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. I hope you get a chance to read more. Thanks for the review.

Hello Sian!  You've been lovely enough to follow "The Seams," so I thought it was about time I dropped by and left you a review!

I don't know if you know this, but I absolutely LOVE oneshots like this.  I love something bursting with imagery, metaphors, and similes.  I also love it when an author using figurative language in unique way, not just those cliche phrases that everyone knows, but makes them their own.  You've pretty much made my English major's soul completely and totally happy.  

I know little about mythology, but felt that I didn't need to.  You take two inspirations, Harry Potter and Narcissus and Echo, and work very well within the parameters you've created for yourself.  I also greatly enjoy the two different storylines you've got going on here.  It's like you're describing two people on opposite sides of a two-way mirror.  I think it's fabulous.  

"They swarm to the beauty, drawn as bees to a dazzling flower, as magpies to a sparkling gem." - This is probably my favorite sentence in the entire piece.  It actually reminds me of society today.  We all flock to people of beauty and idolize them (quite like Teddy here), reveling in what we think they have and we don't.  I have a friend who is downright gorgeous, an absolute beauty, and Victoire here made me see her immediately.  She thinks quite like Victoire does.  It's fabulous that you've crafted a story that can bring to mind images and thoughts from one's real life.  That's smart writing, Sian - it means you're fostering a connection like all the great writer can do!

I know that this is a very small and insignificant thing, but I like how you chose to put Teddy's sections in italics and not Victoire's.  Perhaps this was an unconscious decision, but it works perfectly.  The italics are wistful, while the normal print is like granite, like stone.  It's adds another layer to the metaphor you've created.  See, that's the beauty of writing and imagination - each individual creates something different out of what you've written.  That's good writing, my dear!

Okay, now that I've rambled and made no sense whatsoever, I'll leave you be.  What I want to know now is when you're going to write a novel on here?!  I loved this little piece and can't wait to visit your author's page again! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Shelby!  You didn't have to, but I'm really happy that you did! &hearts;

This is actually the first time that I've ever tried writing something that relies so heavily on imagery, but I really felt like it suited such a short piece.  One of the things I tried to here was to avoid the cliche phrases, so I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you think I managed that!

You are seriously making my day with this review!  You've somehow managed to pick up on everything that I tried to put into this piece, and that makes me so happy.  I actually thought of it almost like a two-way mirror, with the two different storylines alongside each other.

In the myth, Narcissus is in love with his own reflection and loves his beauty - I wanted to twist that round a bit and adapt it for today.  Beauty is so esteemed in our society and there are some people who would do anything to be beautiful - yet it isn't always a gift.  I'm so pleased that it actually reminded you of something in real life and wasn't completely unbelievable!

That actually was intentional!  Teddy was the echo in this story, and the wistfulness was something I was trying to convey with the italics, while Victoire's has this impenetrable guard that she won't let people see beneath.  

You didn't ramble at all!  I'm working on it - although if it ever actually comes to fruition it will be a miracle! :P  Thank you so much for making my day, Shelby!

Sian :)

Back again!

Okay, wait wait.  Is Venn going to end up being the Bloody Baron?  I don't know why I thought it was the unknown man from the previous chapter - didn't know if you were being sneaky or not!

Helena has made me so mad!  And yet, I understand.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  She wants to be married and the few promising moments with Venn have given her hope.  It's great characterization, Amanda, even if I'm frustrated with her!  In truth, I can't say that I wouldn't do the same.  I think that most women in the world can relate to what she's feeling and that's what makes it so powerful.  We know that she's headed down the wrong path (I think she is, anyway) and we want to stop her, yet we, ourselves, would probably do something very similar.  It's great, really - you're connecting us all by something universal.

The wedding with its pureblood mania was fascinating.  It hints at darker things.  Okay, I can't stand it, back to Venn and Helena.  Why does she forgive him?!  I mean, yes, we forgive people for so many things because we're all human and make mistakes, but come on!  What a pitiful excuse!  I tell you, Amanda, unless he changes in a big way, I don't think I'll ever warm to this man!  He's so evasive and cunning.  Look at me, a Slytherin according to Pottermore, hating on the characteristic of cunning.  I don't know.  I just feel like he's going to get violent.  Like he's not just cunning to be cunning, but that he's malicious.  

This whole review was nothing except fangirl musings.  Well, just know that I thoroughly enjoy every chapter!  So historically beautiful and relateable at the same time.  

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Shelby! So nice to hear from you again and sorry I got behind on my review responses -hides-

Mmm, I won't give it away, but you'll know definitively in due time, don't worry!

I also felt like it was a pretty universal feeling to make stupid, impulsive decisions from time to time just in the heat of the moment. I'm pleased to hear that you agree! Helena is a young lady in love and she sees Venn as a chance to reconcile her mother's unceasing desire to see her wed and her own wish to be with a man who excites her. As he drifts further from the prince charming he's supposed to be, naturally, Helena will have to decide how many faults she's willing to overlook. I'm glad that you feel like my approach makes her more relatable.

Yeah, I meant for the wedding to be shiny and pretty on the outside and just to have that hint that the ceremony was about more than seeing a young man and woman tie the knot. Obviously the wizarding nobility are starting to take their own survival quite seriously.

Hah, well, I will definitely say that it is possible to finish the story without ever taking Venn's side, but I sort of hope your feelings end up being more complex than that--otherwise, I think I'll have failed you :) For certain, keep me up to date on how you feel about him as you keep reading further. Your reactions have been really intriguing for me.

Thanks so much for your amazing review!

-Amanda

Hello Jenna!  I think it's about time that I read and review something of yours since you've been kind enough to follow "The Seams."  

Okay, so I read your response to my question about being a Slytherin in which you discussed Tor and that got me really intrigued, so I decided to review this lovely gem!

I like that you've slightly mirrored the scene from DH.  It gives readers a sense of familiarity while also setting the stage for what you're doing.  That you've also used characters that we know helps concrete the story.  Your description is definitely good.  I like that it's not overly metaphorical and that it's not purple prose, but it's not necessarily sparse.  You give us enough description to let us see everything in our mind's eye, but also allowing readers to use their imaginations - I think this is such an important part of any book or story.  If someone gives me all the details, why use my imagination? Using one's imagination is the entire point of reading: exploration!  I digress.  So obviously, I like your description.

I also really enjoy your characterization.  I think at, often times, we don't get the entire picture of what it was like to be involved or near the Death Eaters.  Not only have you given us a glimpse of their malicious natures through Tor's eyes, but also their love and gentle side.  Even though the gentle side only extends as far as other purebloods, it is still love.  I think it's great to show that most of the Death Eaters (sans Voldemort) were capable of love at some point.  It makes them relateable, or at the very least, pitiable.  

And this dynamic you've brought into play with Tor and this male character, who I assume is a Muggle born and one Tor knows intimately, is excellent.  You're already starting to show both the internal and external conflict involving racism between Muggles and purebloods.  This first chapter is commendable if only for the fact that you've already put so much into play and in so few words, without giving away too much or boring us to death.  I like it.  A lot.  

Overall, I'm really intrigued and cannot wait to keep reading more! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Hello dear! :) Great to see you checking out this story, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the prologue! 

It's great to hear you were intrigued about Tor, I really love writing her. She's a lot of fun, with her angstyness and her crazy capers, but also how she shows that not all Slytherins are that bad. 

I'm glad you liked this prologue, even if it was quite short and sweet. The whole novel in a way is building up to this one moment, and the image of a girl looking down at the boy she loves being tortured by her father's companions and not knowing what to do is what inspired the whole idea for this novel. It's actually a lot less detailed and metaphor-ridden than most of my writing, but I think this fit the mood and Tor's voice, so I'm glad you liked it! :)

Yes, I imagined the DE having some gentler and kinder sides, especially when it comes to their families. We don't see much of this from Harry's POV, with the exception of the Malfoys and their peculiar brand of love, so I quite enjoy exploring it from Tor's perspective and giving the bad guys a little heart. I think you're right: it definitely makes them pitiable, even if it's only the fact that their love isn't enough to keep them from doing horrible things. 

I'm so happy you feel like this chapter tells a lot without being too detailed or bare: the story is all about contradictions, and it's great to hear these are already coming across in the initial chapter. 

Thank you so much for stopping to check out my story and leaving such a wonderful review, it really made my day! :)

Hello Courtney! Since you've been so kind to read and review "The Seams," I thought I'd read and review something of yours!

I've always had this secret love of Regulus Black stories, but no one seems to be able to do him justice as I imagine him.  But I was pleasantly surprised and excited with every word here!  Your descriptions are wonderfully thorough without being boring or venturing into the realm of purple prose.  They set the mood of the story nicely.

I love your characterization.  It's exactly how I imagine Regulus to think and act.  If I remember correctly, this challenge for the House Cup was about travel, right?  Well, I think you accomplished that in more ways than one - we obviously see that he physically travels, but I think we see a hint of a metaphorical sort of travel, especially at the end.  For a moment, when he wishes to be back at home and to be an ordinary teenager, there's that flicker of defiance and bravery (quite like Sirius, actually).  It reminded me of what he will eventually do, i.e., betray Voldemort and basically help save the wizarding world.  I like the subtle symbolism of travel.  

I really enjoyed your take on Regulus (I'm pretty picky, I tell you!).  I'm so glad I decided to stop by and I'll be back to visit your Author's Page! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Hey Shelby!

First, I am so sorry about how long it is taken me to reply - I kinda maybe sorta forget about my one-shots after I've written them.

I actually enjoyed writing this so much that I've got a whole novel based around Regulus on the way, would should be fun!

Thanks for reading!
Courtney:)

Hello Amanda!  I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to return to this wonderful story.  I should be kicked.

I swear if you don't win a Dobby for this, I'll riot.  At the very least, that's what this story deserves.  I can't get over your talent, Amanda!  This could be an original piece, it really could.  

You know how much I love my history and I loved all the touches you put in this chapter.  It adds depth and realism to an otherwise foreign world.  At first I did wonder why Venn didn't tie the token around his arm, but I like your interpretation.  To me, it represents his duplicity.  I know that sounds wild - it's like he's cheating history and tradition, just as he cheats in the tournament.  He can't cover up his nature if it's exposed, but by romanticizing the token and putting it over his heart, he can hide his less-than-honorable attributes.  Okay, so maybe I just totally English major analyzed that, but there you go! :P

Now, at first, I didn't catch that he was cheating, but after the one man said something, I picked up your clues.  And that man?  Is he the Bloody Baron?  

I liked the mixture of emotions in this chapter, especially those pre-wedding jitters.  Helena wondering if she should or shouldn't marry Venn, how she knows so little about him, the argument over the color of her dress.  By the way, I thought that was genius.  It's so simple, arguing over the color of the dress, but shows just how little power Helena has over her own life.  It reminded me of Helena as the Gray Lady in DH.  She's bitter towards her mother and I can see why.  She doesn't really have a choice.  It's subtle and yet, so incredibly sad.

Another fabulous chapter, Amanda!  Even if by some horror you don't win a Dobby for this story, it'll be Dobby worthy to me! :)

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Shelby, you're too sweet! I hope it wins, naturally; after getting the TGS award last year, a Dobby would be the sweetest icing on top of the best cake ever. We'll have to see!

I kind of love your interpretation of Venn misplacing the favor from Helena. It's like he was trying too hard to be romantic and sweet, when in reality he does have a lot to hide. Of course, Helena can hardly be expected not to swoon at such an elaborate display, poor girl.

I won't answer your question outright, so you aren't spoiled, but answers will be coming :)

I think you nailed it--Helena has so little control of her own life, and I think she's beginning to regret agreeing to be courted by this man when she was bold enough to turn down many others. A wedding is such an important time for many young women, and if it was anything like modern times when Helena was around, I'm sure it must be a deep blow to not have much of a say in how things go during that event. Pretty soon that bitterness will start to leak out.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review and, as always, incredibly kind comments :)

-Amanda

Hello Becky!  I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back here!  I should be kicked.

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy the excerpts at the beginning of each chapter?  We get to see Rose as writer and also Krum as an emerging character without him appearing yet.  It's genius and something I don't see often in fanfiction.  I like how the excerpts have a different writing style than the story's, giving it an genuine quality.  

I have to tell you that I laughed several times - 

"And somehow Rose couldn't imagine Viktor Krum being up for a chat in the loo."

"Rose found herself looking around the room as though expecting to see him ducked behind one of the large swivel chairs or else crouched beneath the table like a child playing hide-and-seek."

Honest to goodness, I was just dying with laughter.  The images those two sentences create are too funny, at least, to me!  Very smart on your part for they broke up Rose's tension very nicely.  

I'd like to say that I love the symbolism behind Rose's office.  It's much like her grandfather's.  They both started at the very bottom and move upward (assuming that Rose rises in ranks, but again, she obviously writes a book, so I'd say that's a yes).  It also connects the two of them in a very subtle, understated way, showing that the hardest workers often take longer to reap the benefits.  Or maybe it's just a Weasley thing. :P  

I have a feeling that although Krum is going to be hesitant and whatnot, that he'll warm up once he finds out that Rose is Hermione's daughter.  That's just a hunch though.  I'm very curious as to why Krum has no idea about this book deal and why the lawyer seems to be orchestrating the entire scenario.  For that reason alone, I don't like Brooks.  Maybe I should, but I don't.  He's too much of a shrew and has an attitude (guess that's why he makes a good lawyer!).

I wish I had more to say to you, Becky, but I've got nothing!  Your descriptions and characterizations are impeccable.  This story should win a Dobby award this year - you will in my book, anyway!  I can't wait to continue reading! &#9829;

Shelby

Author Response

Hello Leslie!  I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back here!  I can't seem to manage my time wisely these days! :P

As I said in the previous review, I like that Louis has a good head on his shoulders.  And you know, there's something about him that I just can't place.  His friends mentioned that he likes to complain, and I can see that, but it's not in an annoying way.  It's not even really complaining - perhaps he's just very critical of things.  I digress.  The point I'm getting at is that Louis is so unlike any character in fanfiction that I've read.  He's shrewd and very perceptive.  I think his perceptive nature makes him/will make him a great Healer.  You'd have to see things that others don't in order to diagnose and fix someone.  I like him, and of course, Fleur.  

Speaking of Fleur!  I'm SO glad you took away the markers of her French accent.  It can be a bit difficult to read, you know?  And she does his laundry!  Reminds me of my mother and I'm capable of doing my own laundry! :D  Now that I think of it, you really do have a knack for characterization!  Your dialogue in this chapter was good too, I might add - very natural.  I'll be back soon! &#9829;

Shelby

Author Response

That's perfectly alright. Take as much time as you need to read through the story. I'm just enjoying reading your reviews when you do read a new chapter. 

I'm so glad you are still liking Louis and that he's unlike any character you've read in fanfic -blushes- I'm assuming that's a very good thing. Writing this story Louis's voice just jumps out and takes the reins from me and most of the time I have to remind him who's really in charge here - ME. Also I'm still unclear how I want Louis to make an impact in the werewolf community (at this point it can go one of two ways). Not only will it be revealed whether the werewolf is found or not, but something else will happen - a breakthrough of sorts. That's all I'm saying; my lips are sealed.

Yeah, I despise using accent marks and I figured after living and raising her children in England she would have learned how to speak English better than she used to. And I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the characterization and dialogue, too. Thank you so much for reviewing! It's really made me smile and blush. &hearts;

Hello darling! Two chapters in as many days? Definitely on a roll!

KITTEN!  I actually hate cats, deplore them so much, but that had to be the cutest scene in the history of forever.  He got her a kitten!  It was so spur of the moment and cute and perfect.  Animals are the best presents.  I assume this is the cat that Lily was talking about in the letter to Sirius?  If so, genius on your part to tie those things together!

Your transitions are excellent in this chapter - not clunky, very smooth.  I also loved the section at the beginning - your beginnings just get better and better.  As much as I love a good ending, the start of a chapter is always my favorite part of a story.  There's something compelling and fascinating about diving into a story, not knowing what's going to happen, but working your way toward the meat of the piece.  

Alrek?  Is he a spy?  I feel like he's a spy or something because he's way too interested in Lily, James, and their friends.  Way too interested.  And Belle!  I have ideas, but I'm not sure - she was engaged?  She had a baby?  She was engaged, had a baby, and then was forced to move and outed by her parents?  Whatever it is, I can't wait to keep reading.

I'm telling you Jami, I'm running out of things to say.  Soon, I'm just going to fangirl squee over everything and say nothing constructive. :P

Love it, as always!

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Yay!!! Hi lovely!!!

I'm so happy you liked the kitten scene! I like cats, but I'm a dog person :P Hehe yep, this is the cat Lily will eventually write about. He was in a one shot of mine first, then he finally got to get to come into the story! yay! And I'm so happy you like that those tie together!

I think transitions is something I really improved on as this story went along. That, and (I think) letting the characters do their own thing and not try to force them.

I'm not tell you what Alrek is! But you do find out next chapter ;). Belle, story comes out next chapter as well... it's a big one, haha! You might be going along the right line.. or... maybe not ;). I'z never tell, mwahaha!

Sorry, short on coffee, haha!

Thank you so much my lovely Shelby for all your awesome compliments! I'm excited for you to get to the later chapters, and hopefully you'll see my writing improve as they go along!! 

Pch, now you know how I feel. I'm pretty much just stuck in constant fan girl mode when reading your stuff!!

Thank you!!! &hearts;

Hello Jami!  &hearts;

Okay, so I'm only 11 chapters in and already have so many favorite moments, but this chapter tops the cake for me right now.  I loved absolutely everything.  Everything.  The first section is perfect.  Minerva's love of her students, Moody's love of training good Aurors, and just the meeting in general.  I've read so many Marauders era fics and none of them have ever written a meeting of the Order.  It's just proof that no one does this era like you.

James's introspection was thoughtfully done.  It was very normal teenager-but-emerging-adult and tastefully done.  He's just in one of those moods that we all get into - the realism immediately connected me to him.  I've always felt rather detached from James.  Not that you don't write him well, but because there was nothing there for me to go, "Yeah, I know what you mean."  But there, where's he just grumpy and ill at the world, well, it's relateable.  

OH MY GOD THE FEELS. ALL THE FEELS. I CAN'T EVEN.  "It's all about the girl."  STOP IT.  Stop it, Jami.  I can't handle it right now.  It's so true on so many levels.  Like the tidbit about James's father shaving because his mother likes it.  Dude, don't ask me why that made me gush like a fifteen year old girl over the Jonas Brothers, but it did.  Really.  When you do something for someone because they're a part of you on this romantic or deep level is just...please, make the feels stop.  It's little things like that that hit me so hard.

I only saw one little thing that I want to mention:  "Peter’s hands weren’t soft and small like Lily’s." - This seems unnecessary.  There's just something unnatural about the sentence in that particular place.  I'd say delete it altogether, but that's just my opinion! :)

Overall, another wonderful chapter.  I'm so behind everyone else, but every time I come back to this story, I feel completely at home.  Congratulations on finishing BTF and I can't wait to reach the end and do a celebratory, fangirl squee fest! 

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Hi lovely!!!

Ahh I'm so happy you liked the order meeting! I really have fun switching from the students, to the DE, to the Order members in this. Sometimes it made me feel like things were getting a bit hectic, but I think (hope) it offered up an overall  more rounded view of everything. 

Hahha awww but I like making Shelby feels!!! I'm so excited you were able to connect with James with that. I felt the same way. Just like, poor guy wants to mope all by himself. I know all about that :P! haha!

I'm so excited you liked the mentions of his parents in this and his dad's little romantic heart, heheh. I think I'm half in love with the man :P!

I'm so excited that you still like coming back, Shelby! Knowing that you enjoying coming to read a chapter and it doesn't feel like a chore means so much to me &hearts; You know how much I value your opinions, so having you stopping in always puts a huge smile on my face!

Thank you, lovely &hearts;

Hello Leslie!  I'm finally here!

You know, I really enjoy your take on Louis.  I've read tons of Next Gen, but it seems that I never get to read a really good story about Louis.  He's always air-headed or Mr. Big-Strong-and-Handsome.  Like he's Gaston or something.  Anyway, Louis intrigues me - I like that he's very introspective and you do a great job with those descriptions and thoughts.  He's been treated like a child, from what he says, never having been looked up to.  Louis has a good head on his shoulders and I think that's rare in fanfiction.  I just can't get over how much I love him as narrator and character.

And the bit about Teddy's son?  I was awe-struck.  I don't know if you'll give us more information or let us get to know them in future chapters, but the possibilities that you've opened up are GENIUS.  All I could think about was Remus and how worried he was over passing it to Teddy.  It's also shocking information because Teddy wouldn't even think to be worried about something like that because he himself wasn't passed the gene/disease/what-have-you.  It's fascinating stuff, Leslie.

(Love the family tree for reference, by the way!).  I can't wait to keep reading, Leslie! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Awww, thanks, Shelby! I'm so relieved and tickled that you enjoy Louis as a character. I felt he was under appreciated in fanfic a lot of time so I decided to make him the main character in this story. Plus his family background just fit the most perfectly into the plot. He's more connected to it and grounded than any other character would be.

Yeah, you'll definitely learn more about why the gene skipped Teddy (even though he became a carrier of it) and passed on to his son later on. Anything you learned in this first chapter will eventually be elaborated on at some point in the story. You'll also get to see the rest of Louis's immediate family and also there will be a Weasley gathering at the burrow (I've yet to reach that point in the plot, yet, but I know I'll be writing it soon).

Thanks for reviewing! &hearts;

Hello Susan!  I'm back again, and twice in one day!  (It helps that I'm urged by the TGS challenge currently going on).

I love Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner."  LOVE it.  It was one of my favorites way back in high school and still holds a special place in my heart.  I, too, think it is interesting to compare the story of the Mariner and Dumbledore.  If you think about Coleridge, his beliefs, and much of his poetry, imagination played a very large role.  If I'm not mistaken, he believed that a good imagination was a way to transcend awful/terrible/unpleasant circumstances and situations.  I don't know if this was intentional on your part, but I see that with Albus here.  He imagines a kiss from Gellert, he has a dream - it's all very symbolic and allegorical - particularly when he mentions the dream, it seems that he abandons his surroundings momentarily and enters this temporary, imaginative space.  Furthermore, the poem is about violating nature, and by extension, so is the death of Ariana.  Although we all die and that is nature itself, it can be argued that murder violates the laws of nature.  

I like that you mirrored the allusion of the Albatross.  Like the mariner, the Albatross/Ariana is the defining symbol of his "mistake" - the burden of his sin.

In general, it's all very intriguing and allegorically driven.  I'm actually very jealous at the mastery of this piece.  It straddles the line of literary - I'd say it's on the side of literary.  It's a English nerd's dream.  Very splendidly done, Susan!  I enjoyed it immensely and can't wait to read your response!  (Sorry if I went a bit literary analysis on this!)

&hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Twice in one day definitely is a treat! Thank you for stopping by, Shelby! 

It is one of the greatest poems around (despite what Wordsworth will say about it), and while I can't remember how I connected it to Dumbledore's story, there is an interesting parallel to be found between the old mariner who is forced to tell his story over and over again, and Dumbledore, who lives for years, crumbling at the edges because he refuses to tell the story. Instead it's told for him in Rita Skeeter's biography. In a way, Dumbledore becomes like Ariana, the guilt eating away at him until it eventually explodes and he instigates his own death - it becomes the only way of redeeming himself. 

There is a dream-like quality to this story that relates well to Coleridge and his way of using dreams to enhance his work - "Kubla Kahn" is the best example. I'm thinking over how much of the story has to do with the imagination, though. The way that Dumbledore is able to recreate his memories through allusions to poetry and myth - as well as his ability to dream of what could have been with Gellert - demonstrate the power of his imagination. But they only partially disguise the reality of the situation. He tries to manipulate himself into seeing it as a dream, but all that he's left with in the end is an affirmation of his guilt - the one thing he wants to avoid. 

The death of the albatross is the great violation of nature that brings destruction on the mariner and his ship. It's important that, in Dumbledore's case, the act of murder - particularly of one's sibling (which in turn alludes to Cain and Abel and that other great violation of nature, fratricide) - also brings the curse down on innocents. Both Ariana and Aberforth are destroyed by Dumbledore's betrayal (it doesn't even have to be murder - just because he claims responsibility doesn't actually mean that he did it), just like the mariner's shipmates. 

It's far more allegorical than I meant it to be. But that's not a bad thing at all. It's fantastic how much you were able to draw out of the story - it's been a joy to read through your review and see how well this interpretation works.  I love having literary analyses done on my stories - it never ceases to amaze me how much a story can contain that the author hasn't consciously included.  

Thank you again for your wonderful review! ^_^

Hello Susan! It's been ages, it seems, since I last enjoyed something of yours!  

I'm sure you've heard over and over how much people love or hate Austen, but I really like that you've taken her masterpiece (it's really more the time period, I know), and captured the characters and universe we love into something different and fascinating.  This past semester, I finally read P & P with my students (they abhor it) and we really delved into the time period.  I wanted them to understand the Regency era and what Austen was responding to/against/whatever you please.  I also like that you've got your own narrative voice and didn't try to strictly emulate Austen's very distinctive voice.  You make it your own, even while negotiating two universes, per se.  But, how am I surprised?  Still, you and your talents never cease to amaze me.

If I remember correctly, you don't particularly like Scorpius/Rose, so I'm interested in how all of this is going to turn out.  Did you intentionally characterize Rose as similar to Elizabeth?  Even if you didn't, they seem like almost-twins from different eras.  Rose has always struck me as very independent and book smart, not unlike Lizzy.  And Lily!  As my Southern dad would say, what a card!  

I've never really been one for AU because it's never in the right writer's capable hands for me.  I think, however, with a few more chapters, I'll be the biggest AU fan running - only if you're writing, though!  

As always, it's a privilege and a pleasure to read and review your work, Susan.  I can't wait to see what's in store! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

Shelby!  It was a great surprise to see you reading and reviewing this story, and it means a lot to hear that you've enjoyed it so far!  :D

It really is more of a Regency story than an Austen story, especially since I've drawn a more explicit connection to the Revolutionary Wars, but of all the authors who write about this period, her works are still the most inspirational - her wit and way of writing people is something I'd like to capture in this story.  Her characters are wonderfully flawed and real, which is perhaps a major reason why her novels keep inspiring audiences (excluding your students of course :P The poor things have trouble with the writing because it doesn't sound like "modern" English to them - I wonder how they got through Shakespeare in high school).

I'm glad that the writing style is working for this story, not just because it's sometimes a nightmare to keep it up (it's wordier than even I'm used to!), but because I want to give a flavour of the style of the period without specifically trying to emulate Austen. There's no way anyone can do that - any attempts I've seen end up sounding ridiculous. It probably helps that I've also drawn from later nineteenth-century authors like Thackeray, Eliot, and Dickens - I've tried to recreate the period in this story rather than recreate an Austen novel. Maybe that's the difference.  

It's true that I don't like Scorpius/Rose, though it's mostly because of how fandom has constructed their relationship. It's made a difference to place them in an entirely different setting, and I can see the ways that their personalities compliment one another. It's great that you see the similarities between Rose and Lizzie. I didn't purposely make them alike - the combination of Ron and Hermione gives Rose a lot of interesting characteristics. She is rather different from Lizzie as the story continues, mostly because Rose has more to fight against... as you'll see in later chapters.  ;)

Thank you SO much for your review!  It's inspiring and lovely - I can't tell you how much it means to hear these compliments from you, Shelby!  *hugs*

I'm here as promised.  I read it earlier, but got caught up in helping with the House Cup challenge concerning staffers.  But anyway, I'm slowly catching up (only 27 chapters behind right?) -hides-  

Okay, the memory/dream - it was excellent and didn't have too much description.  When it comes to dreams, I really like it when authors use something really punchy that focuses on people and emotions.  I also love that you used something from Christmas (I LOVE Christmas - my favorite time of the year).  You also did well in keeping with the canon characterization of Petunia.  She was very distasteful and rude when it came to Lily.  I almost felt like there was something underhanded about her wanting to spend time with Lily - even though that wasn't your intention and it was supposed to be sappy and lovey-dovey, I just had this uneasy feeling about Petunia.

The camaraderie and friendship here is so strong, the strongest yet.  Tragedy always has a way of bringing people together.  It's bittersweet, but well executed.  And Alastor - so perfect, Jami.  From the little details with the artificial eye to his speech patterns, it's all impeccable.  CONSTANT VIGILANCE!  I hear that in my head and laugh - it made for the perfect ending to the chapter, I believe.  It leaves readers with a sense of familiarity because we know that that is quintessential Mad-Eye.  It also serves as a way to remind readers of the impending war and what the characters are going to really start facing as the story progresses.

I don't know if the idea of Death Eaters infiltrating the Ministry and particularly the Aurors is canon, but I LOVE it.  Even though we know from DH that war sometimes stops even necessities like making a living, you give reason as to why James, Lily, Sirius, and all the others weren't Aurors (they weren't, were they?).  Either way, I like it a lot.  It gives you so many options for the future - you could go so many ways with that!

Nothing caught my eye in this chapter in terms of CC.  As always, you are the best James/Lily author out there! &hearts;

Shelby

Author Response

HI darling!!! Don't worry, the HC has kept us all a little crazy!

Writing the way Petunia and Lily's relationship changes, slowly but surely, is so much fun for me. I want to show that Petunia still is just a little girl, but the fact that she refuses to understand the laws of Lily's world shows how little she respects it.

I'm so excited that you liked Mad Eye! He was WAY too much fun to write and made me anxious for the next book to get to focus more on him!

Nope, DE infuriating isn't really canon, but I did get the idea from the HP series with how they didn't really know how to trust and it seemed like there was always a corrupt official somewhere! And no, you're totally right, they weren't Aurors :)!  I'm so excited that you liked them deciding not to go into it because of that, and that this section gave you that sort of feeling of camaraderie! Your reviews always make me feel so light and fluffy! You know how highly I value your opinion, so it means a lot to me that you like how I write this bunch &hearts;

Thank you so much Shelby! You always make my day!

Hello Becky!  I'm back again.

I read your response to that last review - I pretty much love that you're one of those authors who wants to be "readable."  It's refreshing.  Being an English major was so difficult in college because all we ever read was Literature-with-a-capital-L.  Enjoyable sometimes, but an easy read?  Almost never.  But anyway, I like that you don't strive to try and meld "Literature" and fanfiction.  You just give us a good story.  A really awesome story, actually.  

Anyway, the story!  I love Albus and Rose here.  So realistic, so not your typical, I'm-Harry-Potter's-son-and-therefore-I'm-the-best-in-every-aspect.  It's refreshing to see these characters with some personality and some reality about them.  

I do have one little nitpick - you're fabulous at dialogue (I ENVY you, really, I do), but this one sentence at the beginning was a bit off for me:  "What’s the matter?" - I don't know, it just seemed a bit stilted.  The rest of the dialogue is so off-hand, very natural, but for me that sentence is stiff.  "What's wrong" or something like that seems more appropriate.  But, I'm nitpicking, ignore me.

You always tell me that you enjoy a good ending to a chapter.  Well, Becky, you sure know how to write one (What am I talking about? You write /everything/ with brilliance).  You're tying in the first chapter now, but we don't know until the next one, and even then, maybe not!  It's great suspense without being facetious.  

It's all impeccable and I feel bad for even nitpicking at one line.  I enjoy every chapter more and more.  I fear I'm going to run out of things to say very quickly, and I'll surely run out of adjectives with which to praise you!

Shelby &hearts;

Author Response

Hi, Shelby. And thank you! I don't have an English or literature background, so all my college reading and writing was always, "just the facts, ma'am." I think a part of me still crafts stories like they're essays!

I'm so glad you Al and Rose in this chapter. Giving characters personalities is one of my favorite parts of writing, and the farther from perfect they are, the more fun it is. 

Thanks for pointing out that line. I don't mind nitpicking or CC of any kind. I'll definitely give it a second look. Dialog is always so tricky, especially when you're trying to hear it as it's spoken in a country you've never been to! 

I'm so glad you liked the ending! This is the only story I've ever written start to finish, and it was a learning process, especially with pacing. But I do try to write with the philosophy that every chapter should end with some sense of where we are headed next -- to keep that forward momentum -- even if we don't know how it will play out. 

Thank you for this lovely review. You're going to give me a big head if you keep saying such nice things!!

Amanda! &hearts;

Okay, so I'm trying to figure out this illusion you've very subtly put into play.  Nentres was king of Garlot and although he first opposed Arthur's right to the throne and took up arms against him, he was eventually made a knight of the Round Table after Arthur's man, Sir Gawain, rescued his wife, Elaine, from the Saxons.  Or so the story goes, anyway (thanks to Google because I had no idea - learn something new every day!).  Are you intertwining the Peverells and the legends of Arthur?  I really have no idea.  Even for an English major, I'm rubbish at figuring little illusions and riddle-type things out and resort to making wild accusations! :P  But, do tell me!

As I'm sure many of your reviewers have told you, the differences in personality here between the two lovebirds are extraordinary.  Helena's wonderful and Venn, well, I still don't know about him.  Their difference of opinion, though unspoken as of now, about Muggles is fascinating and I like that you've incorporated that.  I've always assume (blasted headcanon) that Hufflepuff was the one who advocated for Muggles and never even considered that the Ravenclaws were so kind.

Your inclusion of the festival is genius.  It helps to reveal personality and inner thoughts and also serves as a driving force for the plot.  It's a fabulous chapter, of course.  No CC from me today!  I've felt DREADFUL for a week since they removed my wisdom teeth, but let me tell you, this is a great way for me to relax.  Your style and stories really are always so relaxing and enjoyable.  A true author, you are.

Shelby &hearts;

Author Response

Hey, Shelby!

Hah, you thought further into Nentres than I did! I honestly just chose names that seemed appropriate for the time and had a meaning that made sense for the character, and that's the story for Nentres as well. Let's just say that Nentres isn't about to do anything that will make Venn into a big fan of him.

Well, Helga and Rowena are best friends, so to me they'd have some ideological similarities as well. I guess the main difference is that Hufflepuff is more inclusive; Ravenclaw is still stingy about whether you're bright enough to fit in, but blood status isn't a major concern. As you pointed out, it's a different story for Venn, and you can guess that Helena won't be particularly impressed by his attitude.

I happened to run across this festival in the research process and thought it would be cool to include the notion of religion. I'm glad it worked as a vehicle for further unveiling the ideological differences between Venn and Helena. I'm so sorry you had a rough recovery (mine wasn't awesome when I had my wisdom teeth out, either) but I'm glad you were able to relax and enjoy this chapter!

Thanks for another fantastic review :)

-Amanda

Hello Jami!  It's about time I got around to another chapter, isn't it?  Just know that I adore this story so much and there's nothing better than knowing that I can come and read another chapter :)

When I first started reading, I thought I'd already read this chapter and then I realized you'd sent me the section with the Patronuses (at least, I think :P).  It was excellent, as to be expected.  Dumbledore's speech patterns and vocabulary are irreproachable.  Of course, I think the fact that the Marauders thought of sending messages via Patronus is genius.  You are a genius.  And I must wholeheartedly agree with your statement that magic evolves.  Everything evolves and I think it's totally plausible that Dumbledore just made a few tweaks to the Marauders' method and BAM, what we know in canon about the spell.  What you've done is exactly what dedicated and superb fanfiction authors do: they take what they've been given in the particular fandom and tweak it to make it their own.  Where do you come up with these ideas?  I just don't even know sometimes.  I think you have some kind of superhuman powers!

I do have one critique/suggestion (don't kill me!) concerning this paragraph:  "The warning rang through Lily's soul as they said their goodbyes and departed from the Headmaster's office. The ride down the self moving stairs, back to the Gargoyle, was a mixture of relief and terror." - I really wanted more from you here.  This is your transition paragraph and it's good, but I know that with your talents, you could make it even better.  It's not bad, now, don't get me wrong.  I know you don't want to overload on description, but I think a few more sentences would break up the change in scenes nicely and add flavor there.  For me, it's the perfect spot to show off a bit without being facetious and also a chance to give readers a bit of that Jami flair.  

Other than that, it was all wonderful.  James being so forgiving?  That is so Harry and so beautiful.  You pulled that part of his characterization off excellently.  It was understated and perfect, I think.  And good gracious, that last section, now that's the Jami flair and style that I adore and envy!  Bella is so vicious and so obsessed.  You do such a great job with her.  Ahh, it literally gave me chills (it's 2 a.m. and I just know I'll have nightmares).  But really, it was simply that striking and memorable, Jami, enough to make me believe that I'm going to have nightmares about it.  That's real writing.  That's style.

I've known since I started this story that it would end up being a classic and you have yet to disappoint.  Love, love it.

Shelby &hearts;

Author Response

Aww Shelby you're too sweet &hearts; I was so excited when I saw the name attached to this review!!

YES! I think I did send you that section! Good memory, missy! And what am I supposed to say to all those sweet comments?? I have a bit of an obsession with taking canon magical things and twisting them up to give them reasons/ways they happen/anything that sounds fun :P I know everyone isn't as enthusiastic about facts and details as I am, so it makes me extra happy that you like them &hearts; &hearts;

Poo that paragraph does need some work. To be honest, there are probably too many places to count where I could go back and really improve things. After I finish the last few chapters of this and before I start the next, I'm going to be rereading it all to spot any small side plots I need to carry over, so maybe I'll also take that as an opportunity to bring a few things up to par! Thank you for pointing that one out so I can make sure to pay attention to it when I do get to work on editing! 

I think I do a lot better of getting into the description mood when I have a character really stuck inside themselves at the time, and I'm so thrilled you liked Bella's section!!! She's too much fun to write, but I do NOT want to give you nightmares! She's probably secretly super nice to Muggles. No? Oh... well.. maybe hide under the covers? :P


Thank you so, so much for this amazing review, Shelby! I was so excited to respond. I have to do my responses in Order, and I had a bit of a build up from my last update, but I powered through them so I could get to yours and tell you how much this review means to me &hearts;

Did I just capitalize Order up there? ^ Oy vey. Haha. 

THANK YOU &hearts; &hearts;

Hello Amanda!  I'm back again - I'm sorry it has taken me so long to keep reading!  I finally added this to my favorites (how did I not add it before now?!).

You know, I really don't know what to tell you anymore, my dear, I really don't.  I've run out of words of praise and there isn't anything for me to CC.  Your writing, as always, is phenomenal.  You've researched so very well and I see nothing that is grossly historically inaccurate.  Characterization is excellent - from how you've set up the characters and their characterizations, everything flows really well and seems to remain true to what you've written thus far.

I think what I love most about reading this is the plot.  I love anything set in the medieval era - it's one of my favorite eras if written properly and you sure do know how to write historically-centered fictions.  The plot, the characters, the dialogue, it's all so wonderful.  The glimpse you give us of the Four Founders is perfect.  Your story isn't focused on the four, but you've given us enough of a look and made them minor characters/events so that it concretes what little we know about the era from the books.  

If you remember, I didn't know if I was fond of Venn or not.  I'm still unsure about him, but he's warming up to me.  There's something about the way he pines for Helena that is intriguing, cute, and oddly disturbing at the same time.  That may not be what you wanted to get across, but it's the vibe I'm getting - and that's what makes you a great storyteller!  Your readers and reviewers get different impressions from the story and its characters because your style and the story itself is so well-written.  

I hope you know that I just love you as a writer and this story!  I can't get enough.  If I didn't have to work or write myself, I'd just read and write reviews for you all night long!

Shelby &hearts;

Author Response

Ahh! I'm so flattered that you added this story to your favorites! I've been kind of stunned by how good of a reception it's gotten--when I first thought about it, I almost didn't even go with it because I thought no one would want to read it. But it's been a real treat to write.

I always try to do my best with everything I do, and so my mindset was that if I was going to try to be historically accurate and work hard on characterization and such, I needed to make sure it stayed consistent throughout the story. That means, obviously, that my updates don't come as quickly as for others. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to be too much of a deterrent for lovely readers like you :)

This story is so, so different from anything else I've ever written and it's just so fun. I kind of like keeping the Founders in the background and watching their interactions play out in the macrocasm while Venn and Helena have their little journey going on.

I hope that people's feelings about Venn are generally divided throughout this story. The poor guy didn't get a good rap from the beginning, so I tried to make him pitiable without excusing any of his obvious faults. At the same time, a major goal was to create some conflict for Helena, too, so that her role in the story wasn't purely that of a victim. I'm pretty happy with how they've turned out and feel quite sad to be writing the last chapter now. It'll be interesting to get your take as you continue and eventually finish this story.

Haha, it would be wonderful to just be able to sit back and review all the time, wouldn't it? I've found more time lately to do so and it's been such a nice return to my early HPFF days. Writing and reviewing are such wonderful escapes from everyday stressors.

Thank you for this truly wonderful review!

-Amanda

Hello Hannah!  Shelby here for the review exchange!

I'd like to tell you that I love your title.  I love to see fanfiction authors use unique and interesting titles! It's one of my favorite things about a story, besides the story itself!

I also really like that you've taken the story you've been given and explored the options of the challenge.  I love that "Wendy" is Narcissa.  There are just so many little things that I just adore.  The repetition creates not only a lovely pattern and is a great technique for this story, but also mirrors Narcissa's naivety, youth, and innocence.  

I'm so intrigued that I can't even handle it.  I love your style and the particular style you've used for this story.  I just don't even know what else to tell you, Hannah.  I'm very interested to see where you take the story, if Narcissa ever goes to Never-Neverland, why she's special, how Peter knows she's special, and where magic comes into play, if at all.  

I've got no CC for you (none needed!) and it's probably be a terrible review - I just enjoyed the story so much I'm a bit speechless which is hard to do, let me tel you! Overall, I'm just really ecstatic and I can't wait to keep reading!  So glad the review exchange lead me to this wonderful gem!  

Shelby &hearts;

Author Response

Hi lovely! &hearts;

You gave me such a lovely review and I love you for it and my head is way too big, because my smile simply stretched it out far too much.

The title is funny, actually, because I was trying to find a title that would sum up exactly what was going to happen to the characters in the end rather than what happened in the middle like I usually do. There was a lot of consideration put into it, so I'm glad you picked on it. :D

I have the tendency of giving lots of middle information and shoving your way questions instead of answers - its better that way I think... I like to see what everyone asks about when it comes to the same kind of approach in the stories I've read, too, and if I could emulate that in anyway. 

I can't with this review because its so shiny and pretty and when you get to the next chapter (soon, I hope!) you'll have a lot more questions (and answers, even if you don't think there are) and it will be great to see YOUR reaction to it. :D

Hannah 
&hearts;

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