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Review:kenpo says:
Okay. Whoops. I was planning on doing another rolling review, but I forgot because I just kept reading. I didn't want to pause at all!

I was confused at the beginning but I am both easily confused and fine with being confused (a handy combination, I think), so not much I can say there. My confusion was quickly resolved though, and onto the story!

Potter and Finnegan, yes! I like that you made an OC for James' friend rather than just saying "well... Fred is available..."

I want to know what kind of history Peter has with them. And why Beatrix doesn't know about the traits a Hufflepuff would have. And why she'd agree to marry someone who has apparently cheated in the past.

There were a few little things that I noticed...

"Pips, sweetie-" Peter was scared,

Your closing quotation is backwards:)

You used some commas in places that I'm not sure they were entirely appropriate. One thing I noticed was that the commas before the word "before" usually made the sentence's flow a little rough. I don't think that you need a comma there, so I'd go through it and see if you can spot any little things like that.

This was a short chapter, but really nice! It grabbed my attention and made me curious for more. Personally, I prefer shorter first chapters because if I'm thinking about starting to read something... sometimes a long first chapter can be daunting. I'm not sure if I want to commit the time to reading a 5k chapter 1.

Sorry that this review took so long! I'll get to your second one later tonight. :)

Awesome opening!

Author's Response: No! It's alright! I quite liked this too! Anyway, the fact that u didn't want to stop is a compliment! :D

I'm honestly glad u were confused, that was the definitely the point! :)

Haha, I thought I'd used Fred too many times! :)

Yeah, that's going to be uncovered sometime soon! :) Yeah, Pippa is different! And definitely my favourite character! :D

Yeah, my laptop is weird with stuff like that! Ah, commas! You have no idea how much I use them! I'm crazy! I'll definitely go back and edit that!

Thank u so so much! I couldn't write more in the prologue. I just wanted it to be quick and interesting :)

No! It's no problem I love receiving reviews! Yours are extra awesome! :D


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