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Review:Cannons says:
Hey Ree, here with your requested review.

I don't know what to say to be honest because that was depressing. Depressing. Especially because it was with Sirius who is the opposite of depressing.

Your characterisation of Sirius was good, I think I can see him acting as romantic as he did and forgetting the ring was a Sirius moment most defiantly.

Another little thing I enjoyed was how they had a little crowd watching in the restaurant!

Anyway I enjoyed reading this and thought this was an improvement on your other pieces that I have read so well done!

I think your writing has defiantly improved from the previous stories of yours, your mixing up your word choices now which makes for some nice phrases and imagery.

A nice example of the improvement of your writing would be this transition line which was so well done - A middle aged couple caught Marlene’s eye, they reminded her of her own parents. - It was just brilliant that you included that line, rather then just talk about her parents.

Also it was a nice touch how you mentioned them again and had them as a sort of parallel to Sirius and Marlene who we know wont grow old together like them.

There were a few typo's that you could catch if you went through, a really obvious one is in the first paragraph, I'll let you find it.

Author's Response: Cannons hello!

Hm, I'll take that as a compliment :) That was sort of my motive there :)

Thanks, the ring moment was completely by accident. I actually forgot to write the part where he puts the ring on her finger, so I just made it out like he forgot it ;) I'm glad that worked :D

Aw, thank u so much! I don't even know how. When I was writing it, everything just kind if flowed from my fingers! I think I might like dark a bit more than I should :)

Haha, yeah, the 'their' one. I tend to miss words like that. I'll go have a good read through later :)

Thanks for the sweet review!


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