Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.

Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:harrietm says:
I really like this story so far :) Well...until that last bit where Hermione left, but I have every hope she will return!

Your writing style's really good, especially your description of things, with not just describing what's being seen but also touch, smell etc. I also particularly like how you've portrayed Draco, as every bit the gentleman. It's a shame Ron has to be portrayed oppositely for the sake of the plot, but it is surprisingly believable that Ron would act that way, and I am more than ok with Draco being swoon-worthy ;)

Just one line I noticed and was like "What?" I think it needs a comma or something, to make it read better:
"I'm not going to make you have to decide I'm deciding for you"

Also I think your dialogue could possibly benefit from strategic pauses, just so it doesn't seem like the characters are rushing through some of the more intense conversations.

But overall, loving it! Keep it up and I look forward to the next update! :)

Author's Response: Firstly, thank you for the wonderful review, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

You have every right to hope that she will return, I do too... :P

My description is something I've really been working on especially for the prologue. If he wasn't going to be mean like his dad, he had to be like him somehow and Lucius clearly prided himself on being a gentleman, I like to think that's one good thing he could have passed on to his son.

Ron, yes, he is a bit, but really I've just accentuated the idiocy from the books, he now loves food too much.

Thank you for pointing that sentence out, it really does need a comma. Dialogue is the next thing on my list that I need to work on, I'm too used to writing scripts where I don't have to do that, the actors and director decide that for me.

Next update will come soon! Keep reading!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 351
Submit Report: