Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long - life got away from me. Ugh.
This was a great prologue. The prose was haunting and beautiful, and I thought that this was an excellent introduction to both the story and Molly herself. As a lit freak myself (which is oh-so-uncommon on HPFF, I know), the description of the library and Molly's feelings about books immediately pulled me in.
There were a few things stuck out to me as being a little awkward, though. As I said, the prose is lovely, but there were occasional mechanical things that felt a little awkward. For example, you capitalised "library" throughout the chapter, and I didn't really understand why - it's not a proper noun anymore than "dormitory" or "classroom" are. If it had a name (like the Forbidden Forest or the Great Hall), it would be capitalised, but as is, it just seemed unnecessary.
You also didn't always use dashes correctly - when you use two, it indicates an aside, and the part of the sentence before the first dash and the part after the second should fit together. In the third paragraph, Your exams are in just under five months, but you don't feel like it doesn't make sense. I think the second dash should be a comma.
I was also a little confused at the idea of Muggle books being in the Hogwarts library and especially the idea that Madam Pince is especially familiar with them. I always got the sense that most wizards know very little about Muggles or Muggle lit - I can see some books being included by Dumbledore or McGonagall, but not so many and to the extent that they'd be seen as "worn romances."
Okay. Those minor little things aside (sorry - you know me, I have to point them out. It's like a compulsion), this was amazing. I'm so intrigued and glad that this is for review swap so I have an excuse to read on, rather than adding it to my ever-growing "to read" list.
I think the thing that impressed me the most about this was how perfect it is as a prologue. For me, a prologue is supposed to reveal just enough to give you a sense of the world while still leaving many questions unanswered, so that you come back for more. The use of second person, the undercurrent of eeriness throughout the chapter, the few paragraphs about "she" - I just cannot praise this highly enough. I want to know where "there" is, and I want to know who "she" is, and I want to know what's going to happen to the girl and Molly. It's perfect.
As well, other than the couple minor issues I pointed out with the prose, this is beautifully written. There's a disconnected, slightly confusing sense to it, which IMO is a really good thing, because I feel like you're doing a great job of getting the reader into Molly's state of mind.
I'm glad that we were matched up. I think I'm going to enjoy this a lot.
Author's Response: Hey Beezie! :)
Thank you so so much for stopping by - it means so much, especially coming from you, and I'm so glad to hear some honest criticism! It's so helpful and I'm definitely going to look this over to see how I can improve the bits you pointed out - especially the second person :)
Thanks so much for reviewing! :)