Hello there! It's Ali with your review!
So, I have to admit, when I received your review request, I was pretty excited to read the story because it seemed so interesting. You did not disappoint. This was truly a fantastic chapter. The plot is so creative and original. I've never read anything like it. Don't worry, it isn't too out there.
I'll start with the Peverell section first. I thought it was a very good description of the Tale of the Three Brothers and you managed not to simply rattle off what we already read in the 7th book. You added depth and background and reason to the tale, which I liked.
I thought your description of Ignotus and Antioch was perfect. You really captured the essence of their characters. However, Cadmus seemed a little off for me. In the 7th book, he is described as wanting to embarass Death further by asking for the stone. In your version he was just sad for his wife. To me, it felt like he should be a little more arrogant. Also, he isn't supposed to have lost a wife, but a future-fiance. It was a girl he had hoped to marry that he brought back. Otherwise, I really liked the brother's tale.
You did a great job of capturing the essence of the 1200s. The scenery, clothing, method of travel, etc. was great. Realistically, people in the 1200s would have spoken with 'thou' and 'thy' and 'thee.' However, adding that to the dialogue would have not only been difficult for you, but confusing for the reader and difficult to understand. You made the brothers speak in just the right amount of old-fashioness to make it really realistic and readable.
On to Dominique's section. I'm going to call her Dom from now on because her name is too long ;) I really like her. She's not too much of a tomboy and not too much of a girly-girl like so many leading ladies seem to be nowadays in fanfiction. She's got spunk and spirit and I think you've got a great hold on her character.
I liked how you summed up what's going on in the Weasley family in a few paragraphs and then really kick-started the plot. I'm guessing the Dom is going to be transported back in time now to be Ignotus?
I found a few mistakes (grammar, punctuation, typos, etc), but nothing that would turn me off to the story.
I really love your writing style, although sometimes, with both Dom and Ignotus, you go a little too far into each character's thought process, which can be confusing for a reader.
Nicely done chapter!
classicblack from the forums
Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! I found this so helpful, and I really agree with a lot of it!
I've been really struggling with the dialogue, so I think it's nice to know that you think it has a nice balance. And I'm glad you like her character also!
Ah. And you're right about Cadmus! I realize I overlooked that minor detail. I'm currently working on a revised chapter, so I'll be sure to add that in. Thank you so much for pointing that out! And I think he could be a little more arrogant also. :P
Thank you! Again, I'm so grateful for your input!