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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
Hi there!

I am here with your review! Sorry for taking awhile. I am usually faster, but life always has its way of interrupting what it is I would rather be doing.

This first chapter was simply sublime!

I thought that this was a very interesting first chapter. You did a wonderful job capturing my attention and holding onto it throughout the entire chapter itself. I could feel Jane's worried panic or feelings about the rate of people dying at St. Mungo's. Her frustration was very apparent, but we also got to see a softer side to her when Remus was around. I thought you did a great job capturing Remus and his emotions, insecuritites, and loyalties. He is wanting to be able to love her, but being a werewolf comes with it's own set of issues & risks.

I felt that your description was well done. I especially like how natural and easy it sounded. "As she watched the sponge scrub away at her bowl and utensils, she mulled over the night in her head." This was a lot better than saying that she thought to herself. I thought it was a fantastic line that showed us your character Jane reflecting in moments of natural every day stuff. You effortlessly painted a vivid picture in my mind with your choices of description.

I think you also did a terrific job setting up the mood of the story. It's dark and sad, but yet it has this haunting beauty to it because of the way your characters are showing their feelings towards one another in dark, troubled times.

Overall, I am honestly jealous of your description and wish I could write it half as well as you do. You did a great job painting a beautiful picture in my mind and holding my attention through the chapter. I loved the emotions of the chapter itself along with those of your two main characters. I am highly intrigued by what is going to happen next.

Keep up the superb job! =)


I am adding this to my favorites!!!

Author's Response: No worries - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer you!

I'm really glad you liked my description, especially the part you mentioned - that's probably the part of my writing I've really had to work on the most since I started writing fics last winter. I do feel like I've improved a lot, and I'm really glad that you agree.

I'm also glad that you felt I conveyed the mood well. It's something that I was worried about - I've generally written more humour/romance/fluffy-type fics, and I think that's easier to pull off than darker stuff for me, because I'm the sort of person who can almost always laugh things off, even when they get hard.

Thank you so much for your review, and I'm really flattered that you liked this enough to add it to your favourites. :)

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