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Review:Temple Deer says:
Whoa! So much has happened here. This is interesting! Stop running so fast.

I understand. You are very excited about your story and want to get it down. It's lovely, but do it a favour and slow down. Show, don't tell. For example:
"It was strange to be here, standing in the Dursley's kitchen and holding Ginny's hand. He'd been so unhappy here, had spent all his childhood straining to get away from here, but now he found it hard to leave. He took Ginny upstairs, showed her his room, the window he'd escaped from in 2nd year. He showed her Dudley's room, stood uncertainly on the threshold of his aunt and uncle's room. Then downstairs again, to Mrs. Figg, and Ron and Hermione standing wide-eyed in the sitting room.
"You all right?" Ron asked.
Harry nodded, said good-bye to Mrs. Figg, and left her with her ghost."

Ok, so this is my writing. You would do it much differently, of course, but by slowing down, you can help us experience what Harry is feeling, AND get us all freaked out about the murders and the ghost. KEEP WRITING!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love your suggestion and I need to write more!! Thanks!

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