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Think of Me by Jaggy

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 919

Rating: 15+
Warnings: No Warnings

Genres: Romance
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James
Pairings: Remus/Lily, James/Lily

First Published: 01/26/2005
Last Chapter: 08/30/2006
Last Updated: 03/15/2007


Think of me, Think of me fondly, When we've said goodbye. Remember me once in a while Please promise me you'll try.

Chapter 1: Think of Me
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Think of Me

By Jaggy

She won't look at me quite like she used to. She has a right to though. I should have told her before. But it doesn't matter, she figured it out on her own, the clever witch that she is. I was wrong for not trusting her, and I regret it. It's my fault. But when she's not in his arms or laughing at his jokes, when she has a quiet moment and when she believes no one's watching I see the sadness that crosses her face or the small shadow of a smile from a far away memory and I know that whatever it is, I put it there. It's a guilty pleasure when I observe her remembering the time we shared, but I don't want her to think of what might have been. I'm just glad she spares a thought for me.

She does speak to me, once in a while. It's not as enthusiastic as it once was, but again that's my own doing. She wants to be trusted, and he trusts her. I didn't. Her green eyes show so much joy around him, joy that I could have put there if it wasn't for my stupid ways. But I know she still thinks of me. I see it, it's my gift. He is blind to it, but Sirius isn't. He questioned me once and I told him to leave it. Sirius simply shrugged, but his grey eyes told me he knew and he thought I should tell. But I don't need to as long as she thinks of me.

"Apologize to her," Sirius tells me. I can't! It's not right. There's no apology that I can give to her that would be enough. Doesn't he see how she loves him so. She won't love me again. I broke her heart. If I had just told her in the first place, she would have accepted me. She's not a cruel girl. But Sirius will argue with me. She does still think of me. As long as she's been with my oblivious friend, she still chances sad looks at me. Her red hair gently caresses her face when she does and I think she's beautiful, but she won't look at me like she looks at him. She's learned her lesson and yet I put that sad look in her eyes there. That look of longing is aimed at me.

Sirius calls me a coward. The love of my life is my best friend's fiancée and all because I don't have the backbone to tell her I still love her. But she seems so happy. I don't want to complicate things. I just want her to think of me when she has a spare moment, and I'm sure she undoubtedly does. She is so happy though. I don't want to spoil what should be the happiest time of her life.

We graduated, after all the stuff we've done we actually made it through Hogwarts. She made top of the class, of course, she's Head Girl, and what could we expect. Her fiancé just smiled while she made her speech. He loves her, he truly does and the smirk he gets on his face when she does something he expected her to do is truly heart warming. I can see that she loves him deeply too.

I laugh and joke with my friends, Sirius and Peter and him. She's there too. We're all celebrating our graduation in the Head's Common Room. She has become somewhat of an unofficial Marauder. We truly have corrupted her, she even managed to think of a plan to get Dumbledore. We start it in the morning. He thinks she's a genius and she grins and adds that she's and evil genius and she blames the four of us. Sirius laughs and points directly at himself saying he helped with her corruption.

Dumbledore is smarter than she is. He saw the trick half way into it and managed to turn it on us and said how quiet Hogwarts shall be without the five of us and his eyes twinkle as he laughs. We are sitting at the breakfast table, all of us have heads full of feathers instead of hair for our back fired trick. Her feathers are phoenix red, Sirius' are raven black, Peter's are white, mine are green as her eyes, and her fiancé's feathers are blue for some unknown reason. Everyone is laughing at us and we just laugh with them. But she doesn't see that she's still beautiful with those feathers funny as they are. She caught my gaze and looked away. Her smile faltered. He still didn't see.

It's their wedding day. I have but a small gift. It's for her. I don't believe he'll see it. I will be leaving soon. I can't stay, things are growing dangerous. Voldemort is on the rise, and I'm in no condition to fight. My time is near, but I will let her go. She's in love with him. But I can leave a little note for her. He will understand.

Think of me when you can spare some time. Your new life will be so happy. Think of me keeping your face and laughter from my mind. I won't wonder on what could have been if only I'd told you. Your new life will be so wonderful and he will take care of you. It is too close of a time and I must go. But I will always think of you.

Think of Me,
Remus John Harry Lupin