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One Sock Left by bLuECoW219

Format: Novella
Chapters: 8
Word Count: 19,715
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language

Genres: General, Humor
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, James, Lily
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 11/21/2004
Last Chapter: 09/22/2005
Last Updated: 01/22/2006

Summary:

I lost my left sock. The one with the quaffles on it. Now all I have is the right one, and my left foot is freezing because I cannot be bothered to go all the way to my trunk and get another pair. It’s the principle of the thing! My sock is gone, forever more. (rating for language) OVER 15,000 READS!!!! HOORAY!!!!


Chapter 1: One Sock Left
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A/N: Hey ya’ll! Well, it’s blue here, giving you yet another piece of fanfiction! And, I must say, I do believe this is the best of my work yet, so I hope you REVIEW! *hint hint* ^_^

Oh, and by the way, this starts around….eh, May?....of the Marauders’ sixth year.

And the italics are Sirius! Just so everyone knows...
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Life sucks. Really. Everyone and everything is against me. It’s a conspiracy!

First, Lily Evans turns me down for YET ANOTHER date, and then when Sirius chucked my quill across the room, she picked it up and threw it in the fire!

That was my favorite quill too.

Second, Remus! Remus J. Lupin, my supposed best friend next to Sirius, has finally turned on me! Apparently, he’s tired of my “incessant whining” about a certain red-haired quill destroyer (My favorite quill! EAGLE FEATHER!!!) and promptly gave me a leather-bound journal, to which I can only assume he was planning on giving it to me for some time now as many people don’t carry empty journals around. Traitor! I cannot express myself in merely a plain journal! Though, it is quite good quality - leather bound and everything! – but that’s not the point. He’s supposed to pat my back and tell me how to make everything better. Thus, he shall find frog spawn in his underwear, for good measure to show I AM STILL THE PRANK KING and that journals are stupid.

Third, I lost my left sock. The one with the quaffles on it. Now all I have is the right one, and my left foot is freezing because I cannot be bothered to go all the way to my trunk and get another pair. It’s the principle of the thing! My sock is gone, forever more.

I hereby dub this day Destroy-James’-Favorite-Things-And-Give-Him-A-Journal-As-Compensation Day. Ignore the fact that I’m writing in the aforementioned journal right now, because Moony will never let me live it down, and Sirius will mock me and probably publish this for the whole of Hogwarts to see. Believe me, he will.




I miss my sock. I can’t feel my toes.


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MUA HA HA HA!!!! Damn straight I would publish this, but it hasn’t been filled with anything mortifying yet, so I’ll leave it be. Besides, blackmail is so much easier to work with than random humiliation.

As to comment on your complaints,
1.) She turned you down because you just BLEW UP HER POTION!
2.) Frog spawn?! We got more???
3.) It’s a sock man! Besides, you still have one sock left.

Hooray! A new holiday! For easier reference, we can call it DJFTAGHAJAC day! Much shorter and easier to say, don’t you think?

Jamie, you are a moron. An overly-dramatic moron who complains too much.




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How is it that he can find things no matter how/where I hide them!?!? I ask you, who would think to look in Pete’s old cheese drawer for a journal!?! WELL, even if he does find it, he can’t read it anymore because I put on a spell so it has a password. TAKE THAT EVIL PRIVACY-DISRUPTING FIEND!!!

Today I told Remus the journal was stupid and teased him with the finest Honeydukes chocolate I had at the time, being which a bar of Honeydukes dark chocolate with caramel on the inside. (Um, not that I bring delicious chocolate bars with me or anything, I just happened to have it…in my pocket…yeah.) He literally started drooling! I have no idea why, but that guy has some kind of weird thing for chocolate! He grabbed it with Seeker-lightening-fast reflexes and in between savored bites of the chocolate, he mentioned that Sirius had shown him and Peter that I had written in it. He then finished off the sweet and smiled smugly as I tried in vain to think of a comeback.

But ho! The day was not wasted! Wait. Why the hell am I writing like this, you ask, instead of my oh-so-witty-and-clever normal writing style? I’m writing like this because REMUS IS GIVING ME GENTLEMAN LESSONS! Why am I excited? IT’LL MAKE LILY LIKE ME!!!

Yeah, I’m not going to write like that ever again. Gentlemen can use quick-quills that self-edit. Anywho, I SUPPOSE I’m not only doing it for Lily, despite many eye rolls from Sirius, chuckles from Remus, and eye rolling chuckles from Peter. Really! Yeah, ever since that stupid thing from a couple months ago, I’ve been thinking. (Amazing, I know.)

But, I didn’t have this journal at the time, or any other time before yesterday for that matter, so it is clearly missing many important details of the life of James Potter, but I can’t be bothered to state them all. Instead, I’ll write anything that has relevance to the topic at hand, whenever it is at hand and include the details then.

Since it is a rather unpleasant memory, I’m going to keep it short. Thus, I contradict myself and am NOT adding the details. Oh bugger, I don’t care.

Sirius said stupid stuff to Snape after being provoked, Snape almost got killed/became a werewolf. I save Snape, Remus is angry at Sirius for months, finally forgives him later.

After that event, which is MUCH more horrible than I wrote it to be, I began thinking. I started questioning the value of life, how other people feel, when my History of Magic essay was due, etc. etc. etc. That night changed me. It made me conscious of my actions, and made me want to change for the better. I took a pin and popped my balloon-sized ego [metaphorically speaking of course], and stopped being less arrogant. I actually started doing my homework on Sunday AFTERNOON rather than Sunday NIGHT, and finally realized how funny it is to watch Sirius frantically write down nonsense at the last minute. I stopped pranking people, though I do still prank, just not certain people or houses. (Yes, that even includes Slytherin, the slimy gi- I mean, the…..um…….the….. Slytherin people.)

All of that change has made Sirius think that I have become a square, goody-two-shoes. I’ll have him know that Marauders are NEVER goody-two-shoes. Not even Remus, though he does like to keep up the image.


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Yes, I’m still here! Really Prongs, “Lily Evans”? Couldn’t you think of ANYTHING more…challenging…than that? Bother, this was too easy. Gentleman lessons?! You have to be freaking kidding me man, SHE’S A GIRL! You’re going to do a complete 180 for a GIRL??? You could have any other girl – heck, you could probably even have McGonagall – but noooo, you have to have HER!

Sometimes I question your sanity.



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY 1

1. Call her “Lily”, not just “Evans”. It’s her first name, and you don’t call Sirius “Black”, now do you? No, you call him Sirius. (Or Padfoot, but that’s a nickname.)

So far that’s the only advice Moony has given me. Apparently, I get one piece of advice per day, and the rest of the day is spent “contemplating” it. All right, I understood him and have branded it to my brain the first time I heard it, why do I have to wait for tomorrow to get another piece?

The spoken subject of my affection has apparently been shocked at my use of her name. I tested out my new skill, by cheerily saying, “’Ello Lily.” as I passed her at dinner. She froze, blinked, shook her head, stared at me, and then continued eating her soup. (Chicken, must make a note of that) Alright, so it didn’t exactly make her begin serenading me, but it still had an effect.

And I don’t even want her to serenade me.

I just want her to return the passion of which I have for her. I mean, who wouldn’t fall in love with the amazing Lily? She’s slightly petite, has red hair, brilliant emerald green eyes, and she has a great body. (Erm, not that I’ve been staring or anything) Besides her physical attributes, she’s smart, clever, kind to everyone, and funny. Sure, she has a BIT of a tempter, but, eh, who doesn’t?

What’s odd is that I’m the only one to think this. I mean, sure, all the other gents, much to my annoyance, notice her body, but they don’t really KNOW her. And I’m not sure I do either. Let’s see, here’s what I have gathered over the years:

1. Best class is Charms
2. Favorite flower is the daisy
3. Favorite food is chicken soup (Supposedly; must wait for confirmation)
4. Has turned me down exactly 73 times.
5. Is a prefect, and does well as an authoritative leader.

That’s it. Five things. All right, I seriously need to get to know more about her. But how, that is the question, since she flees if I come within 15 feet of her. How she knows when I’m coming, I will never know. Or maybe I will. Oh, whatever.


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“Sirius will never figure this out”? C’mon Prongs, you and I both know that I’ll crack any lock you make. Your journal will never go a day without hilarious, comic relief by the amazing Sirius Black!

Really mate, you need to just give up on her! She’s never going to give you a chance! And if you don’t leave her alone, I’m pretty sure she’ll make YOU soup. Not that she’ll eat it; she’ll probably just dump you/it in the lake.

73 times? Whoa! Dude, you really need to become less obsessive.

You need a hobby. Meet me and Remus on the Quiddich pitch at five for practice!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY 2

2. Do NOT incessantly ask Lily out. In fact, stop asking her out altogether. If you do ask her out, wait until you’re friends with her.

This has proven to be a mighty, difficult task, and I constantly am on the urge to disobey it. No, just kidding. Actually, it’s proving easier than I thought. Hold on, now that I think about it, I haven’t been asking her out at all. When was the last time I asked her out? Whoa! I haven’t asked her out for the last 6 months! How odd…eh.

Mainly, I think I’ve lowered my Evans-obsession down, from stalker to wistful dreamer. Once again, I’ve done the amazing – I’ve been thinking. I mean, Sirius is right. A guy only needs to be turned down so many times to know she won’t go out with him. Ever. Damn, that’s depressing. Not that she knows that. No, all the wonderful Lily thinks is that I want to get her into bed with me. Actually, unknown to anyone, I haven’t even shagged anyone yet. Neither has Sirius, much as he likes to pretend he has.

So now you can’t publish this! Ha! Take that Padfoot! I can already see your spluttering, and no, you can’t just erase that part, because I’m using permanent ink. (So I may one day in the far, far future look back on this one day and think, ‘Oh, I was such a moron then’)

All topics of Ms. Evans aside, I must complain, not whine, about the teachers at this fine establishment. I’ll put it in laymen’s terms: Professor Tweet is a git.

Now, I’m as good as the next person at Potions, but really! A ten-foot essay?! How much can there possibly be to write about on Polyjuice Potion? I mean, sure, you should go into detail, but not that much! He’s bloody insane!

What am I talking about, he’s an excellent Professor! No, this is not Remus stealing the journal from James. In class, we’ll be making the potion eventually, and I’m paired with Remus! Why, you ask, is this a good thing? Because I can use it to get to know Lily! She, unfortunately, isn’t in our Potions class. I think she actually was moved to Advanced Potions with the Seventh Years. Ah well, I’ll find out tomorrow! Right now, I’m off to right a damned essay.


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James, man, you’re one of the most contradictory people I know. Re-read what you wrote! You’ve only written four entries, and you contradict yourself three times! Oh, never mind. Whatever floats your odd, sunken boat I suppose.

As for the Polyjuice Potion thing, humph! Evil you and Remus; I have to be PETER for an hour! I mean, Pete’s a good lad, great friend, but I don’t trust what he’ll do as me. Think of my reputation, dear lad, think of my reputation! I’ll be on his heels the whole bloody time, you can be sure of that.


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A/N: So…..? What do you think??? I’m quite satisfied with this, and I hope you enjoy it! Now, I’m very sorry, but when I update this fic, it’ll probably take a while. I’m trying to write long, satisfying chapters, so be happy with what you get! Anyway, like I said, I hope you enjoy reading this fic, and I REALLY hope you review too! *hint hint wink wink nudge nudge* ^_^

A/N 2: I purposely had it so James asks Lily out in the beginning, then claims he hasn't asked her out for months. Yeah, I'm planning an amusing little something for you all, so this little mishap will be cleared up in the next chapter. ^_^


Chapter 2: The Fetish with Lettuce
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A/N: Well, here it is, the long-awaited Chapter Two! Omg, I got FOURTY-SEVEN reviews on my first chapter! *does happy dance* That totally rocks! All you reviewers are so awesome!

Now, I know I promised I'd update quickly, but this chapter kinda took a while because I was freaking out about it being as good as the last one. I'm still not sure if it is, but I hope it is, and I hope this isn't a run-on sentence either, because that would be really really annoying and bad, right? ^_^ Heh, sorry, now, go on and read the chapter! And don't forget to REVIEW! ^_^


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Lettuce! Hooray! There was lettuce at dinner! Yes, quite amazing actually, they had lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, and all other types of delicious greens! Sirius was disgusted at me, but I don’t care. I love fruits and vegetables, and no one can keep me away from a nice, delicious plate of lettuce.

Erm, maybe I should explain a little. Ever since we became animagi, we’ve each grown keen on certain foods. Let’s see, Remus has always had the strangest obsession with chocolate, but he also just adores steak. Sirius just loves any kind of food and will eat anything, but ever since he went to his dog form, he’s grown a certain fondness for chicken. Especially chicken legs – man, we’ve got the bones from ‘em all over our dorm room! Peter has his cheese [Swiss, American, blue, you name it.] and insists on keeping some on his beside table at all times. [Also adding to the mess and odors of our accommodations] Then, finally, I’ve got my delicious greens. Oh joy! I have no idea how Remus and Sirius don’t like them; they’re delicious! Especially lettuce…..mmmm…..

Oh, wait! Busy with my speech about foods, [LETTUCE = LIFE] I almost forgot to mention my gent lesson for today: “Do not be arrogant.”

What the bloody hell is this?!? I am not arrogant! It’s not my fault I’ve got a lot of talen- oh, wait. Damn, I hate it when Remus is right. Of course, he’s right pretty much all of the time, so I’ve become a sour, bitter person. No, just kidding! A lot of times Remus’ brainy-ness comes in handy. Gah, there goes the contradictory side of me again. Are you still keeping track Sirius? Maybe I should try to stop that too….nah.

Remus is actually helping me with this advice, since I need practice being humble. He comes in, gives me a compliment, and I try to not be arrogant. If I do it right, I get a leaf of the best food in the world, and if I get it wrong then Sirius comes over and pinches me. And it hurts! So far I haven’t gotten any lettuce! What’s WRONG with them?!?! I’m being perfectly humble. Oh, damn, Remus wants to practice some more. GET AWAY SIRIUS!!!


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Lettuce!?! BROCCOLI!?!?! You are insane. Completely insane.

Mua ha ha ha! Pinching you is great! You make this little squeaky noise then you glare at me! I bet you didn’t know your left eye twitches when you’re angry! And you make these a motion with which to strangle me, but by that time Remus has you frozen in place with a handy little spell!

And, LIAR!!! THIS JOURNAL IS BLASPHEMY! James, you wrote before that Evans turned you down, then you wrote that you haven’t asked her out in 6 months! Treason! Tsk tsk tsk, lying in your own journal?? I’m ashamed of you. AND, you wrote that you had popped your balloon sized ego! What is this?!?!? I should just throw this-this…garbage! … into the lake, seeing as you’re not being very truthful!



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Oh, damn. Sirius caught on to my little, er, fibs. I didn’t mean to, honestly! I just thought that, oh, never mind. Fine, you want the truth!?! You want the TRUTH!?!?! YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!! Heh, once again, just kidding. It’s not that bad actually. Here are the little lies that I was hoping would go unnoticed:

I haven’t stopped asking Lily out. Well, I hadn’t when I first started writing in this, but now I have.

I still have the tiniest bit of arrogance left in me. Just a tad bit!

I don’t know, they were more along the things I WANTED to do, rather than had been doing. But I seriously [no pun intended] have been getting my homework done earlier! Stop glaring at me Sirius, some people LIKE getting a full nights sleep.

Gah, I keep almost-forgetting to say what the day’s lesson is! Well, today’s is the same as yesterday, seeing as my attempts to comply with it were, erm, less that satisfactory. But, I’m showing progress! I actually got two pieces of lettuce today! Sirius was extremely disappointed, so that was an added bonus. (Stop glaring at the page Pads, people are going to stare) Though, Remus says it’ll still be a good while before I’m humble. Chivalry is my specialty, but I just CANNOT rid myself of arrogance! Grr! Damn all those fan girls! Well, I suppose I could’ve pushed them away if I wanted to, but it’s so much easier to blame them, so I will. Oh god, now I sound childish, putting the blame on someone else…DAMN! Now I’m becoming guilty over something completely insignificant! I hope you’re happy Remus! You’ve turned me into a…a….overanalyzing, sympathetic…weirdo! Gah!!!!!

I have to leave now so I may rip out my hair in frustration.


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Aw, what’s with the short entry? Getting bored of this already?

*Gasp*! Liar! You even admitted it! I’m so ashamed of you James – I thought you were better than that! Oh, and as far as pinching goes, I still got you all those other times!

Sigh…you need to write longer entries! You’ve left me here with nothing to say…a disappointingly short message by myself…I’m so alone!!!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY 5

Hooray, I remembered! Well, since I’m showing progress about “as fast as an overweight, dying snail”, as Remus so eloquently put it, I’m still stuck with the Pinch-James-Because-It’s-Fun advice. But I AM making progress! In fact, I got 5 whole pieces of lettuce today! Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be helping. I held the door open for Lily and greeted her like before, but she in turn glared and told me to get lost. Jeez, she makes it seem like I stood there all day just waiting for her to pass by so I could hold the door open for her. I’m not that obsessed! All right, so I may have stayed up ONCE in the common room under my invisibility cloak watching her, but it was only that one time!

News on the home front for the Polyjuice potion: Since Tweety is a professor, and therefore, very smart, he knows to do a quickening potion so it won’t take a month to brew. We’re starting later this week, and I can’t wait!

Heading onto one of the most important aspects of my life, [The most important is, of course, the amazing Lily Evans] the last Quiddich match of the year is coming up! We’re tied with the Ravenclaws, but their chasers can’t score for shmut. Last year their team was amazing, [but not so amazing that we couldn’t beat them] but unfortunately for them, all of their chasers graduated last year and their new ones don’t get along at all. And their seeker doesn’t have a chance against me. [Said in a not arrogant way!]

Must go now – the aforementioned sport must be practiced now. And Sirius, don’t not post in here no more. That triple negative should confuse you for a good…. Eh, half hour, I’d say? Possibly more, you never had muggle English class…. [Evil mother, making me take them as a child. I crave your grammatical ignorance! Then again, it does save me from many non-understandable lectures from Remus…eh, whatever.]



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Hey, I know just as much grammar as you do! As a Black, I had this evil tutor that came over daily. Frightening lady, she was. Carried a whip around; she scared the hell outta me.

Oh, and that little ‘doesn’t have a chance thing’, yeah, that was totally arrogant. Be afraid; be very afraid – I’m coming to pinch you!

This is such an odd journal. Your future self, after reading this, will think you were a complete idiot, and will take tests to check their sanity. I’ll have already been in an asylum by then.

Wonderful, promising futures we have ahead of us, neh?



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY 6

Gah! Still no new advice! How am I supposed to become the perfect man for Lily if all I’ll be is a mushy bag of potatoes that doesn’t call her Evans, doesn’t ask her out incessantly, and is bruised to the core from pinching? Doesn’t sound too appealing to me….

But if that’s what Lily wants, that’s what I’ll be. What she fails to realize is that I will do ANYTHING to make her like me. I would paint the sky green for her. I would shave my head for her. [My hair would just grow back by the next day anyway.] I would die for her.

Bah, enough of the dramatics! It’s ruining the mood of this journal, and I shall not allow it! Though, I can’t say it won’t happen again. But, just in case, I have a bat at the ready with which to whack it. Well, if you want to go all literal and reality-esq. on me, you’d know I can’t really whack the words, and whacking the journal wouldn’t make any difference, but you get my point. And I find the idea of bashing a book oddly appealing…

Erm, Remus, you never heard me say that. It was the quill! The quill I tell you – has a mind of its own, it does! Writes whatever nonsense on the page it wants!

Leaving the topic of a glaring Moony, I CAN’T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!! We’re finally making the Polyjuice Potion! And potions is the last class of the day, so I’ll be able to spend as much time with Lily as possible! I’ve had Remus invite Lily to a study session in the library [must make a note to find out where it is.] and it’ll go perfectly!

Or, hopefully it’ll go perfectly….That sentence has too many words ending in ‘ly’ in it. Okay, maybe two isn’t that many, but it’s still slightly confusing! Anyway, the others aren’t as enthusiastic as I am for tomorrow. Sirius is threatening Peter and his cheese, Peter is cowering in fear [and protecting his cheese], and Remus is reading.



So this is my life. The great James Potter spends his days writing in a journal - writing about how the girl of his dreams won’t return his feelings, how he’d like to bash the very journal he’s writing in, and how he’s gone so insane that he writes about himself in third person.

Oh, and he also writes about his fetish with lettuce. [Hey, that rhymes!]

Gah, what’s wrong with me? Too many dramatics; I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ACTOR! Though, I DO have a natural knack for it…. Nah, an auror’s life for me!

All right, I’m off to make my life more interesting, and in so doing, making the lives of others more interesting by doing my favorite pastime, pranking!



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Pranking? When? Where? What? You can’t even TRY to prank without me Prongs – two to a duo!

And haven’t you been listening to me? I already told you you were odd, no need to be so redundant and in detail.

STOP OBSESSING OVER EVANS! I thought you said you were slightly over her! Get a grip, man! Or maybe I should beat some sense into you with that bat… it IS conveniently located between our beds…



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY 7 – IS NEAR TO GOING INSANE WITH LACK OF NEW ADVICE

You might have noticed I added a little note this time to the beginning. Well, it’s self-explanatory. IF SIRIUS DOESN’T STOP PINCHING ME, I’M GOING TO PUNCH HIM. Simple as that. Gah, I’m tired of waiting for new advice, but I must admit, I AM getting better at the whole not-arrogant thing. Sirius only pinched me 5 times today! Yes, he only pinched me 5 times. I didn’t not get pinched five times! Amazing, eh? And yes, I know, horrible with the double negatives, but I like annoying Remus.

Gah, now that that’s done with, I have to get to the horrible news. The Polyjuice potion worked wondrously. Why, you ask, is that a bad thing? Well, Lily and I were having an amazing time and everything. Then the hour ended. I tried getting away, but Lily pulled me back to ask for help with a specific question. Unfortunately, she grabbed the hand of James Potter instead of who she thought to be was Remus Lupin. Luckily, she was shocked, as most would be, so I had enough time to run away.

So ends what was supposed to be the greatest hour of my seventeen-year-old life. At the moment, I’m high up in a tree on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, on the far side of the lake, hoping to god Lily won’t find me. Oh, and Remus is on the branch across from me, writing out his will. Hold on a sec…….all right, he’s leaving me his books on spells and hexes, and a coupon for a free butterbeer at Hogsmeade. Hey, no fair! Sirius gets-






At this point in time, James stopped writing to see who was coming outside. He saw a flash of red hair storming towards Remus and his hideout, and dropped his quill out of fear. He tried to catch it, but succeeded in only falling from his branch, and this Journal fell through a brumble of branches and leaves along with its author.



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A/N: Well? What'd you think??? Good as the last chapter??? Better??? Worse??? Tell me by REVIEWING! *hint hint* ^_^

Chapter 3: Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily
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You know what hurts A LOT? Falling from a THIRTY-FOOT tree! You know what else hurts? Falling from a THIRTY-FOOT tree with BRANCHES! There’re millions of branches sticking out the sides of the THIRTY-FOOT tree, so when you fall from the THIRTY-FOOT tree, you’re not only in pain – you’re in A LOT OF PAIN!!! ALL BECAUSE OF THE DAMNED THIRTY-FREAKING-FOOT TREE!!!

And then, once you’re done flicking off the damned THIRTY-FOOT tree, you tend to notice that you landed in a damned PUDDLE OF MUD! And that’s just the least of your worries! Yo-

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I think James is a little… angry… right now, so I’ll be taking The Journal so he can go back outside and kick the tree [repeatedly]. So, me being the calm and collected person that I am, I’ll tell you what happened minus the swearing and tree-death threats. [The fact that I didn’t fall is beside the point]

After falling from the tree rather un-gracefully, James landed in a conveniently placed mud puddle. It was very unfortunate for my dear friend, because Ms. Evans did NOT actually see either him or Remus, but rather was heading to get her book bag that she left under another tree about 15 feet away. Fearing for his life, James ran like the wind and completely forgot The Journal.

[Impending doom music]

I was on the other side of the lake, and knew I’d never make it as she walked over. It was all so surreal – Remus, sensing the immediate danger, jumped from the tree! I was still running, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. Remus waving his arms around in the air as he fell, Lily curiously walking to The Journal and failing to notice Remus’ and my attempts to stop her.

“Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!” I vaguely remember yelling, but it was too late. My side cramped up, and I toppled over my own feet. I watched in horror as Remus fell to the ground, and the injured soldier crawled with all his might to the mud puddle. It was too late.

Remus sighed in defeat and let his face fall into the mud puddle. I flipped onto my back and asked God to take me now. Lily opened the book and walked away, reading it in all its James-y glory.

[Doom music ends, death song comes on]

As I thought out my will and moped about how I’d never get to use that bungee cord Remus left me, James himself ran back out as fast as he left.

“Where’s the journal!?!?” He screamed in panic, picking me up by the shoulders. I gave him a defeated look, and he dropped me and ran over to Remus. “WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!” He frantically searched the whole area around the tree and rolled Remus out of the way. Remus didn’t respond and merely went along until gravity stopped him as he crashed into a bush.


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All right, I’m back from killing the tree and now I’m calm. I’m James, and I’m calm. Calm is me. I am calm. Thank you, Sirius, for helping to fill in the details. I’ll take it from here though.

I continued my fruitless attempts to find The Journal for hours before Sirius and Remus slowly got up and led me inside. We trudged up to the common room, and on the way many people asked us who died. Remus was in a state of fear, shock, and fear. Sirius had a look of horrible defeat on his face, and kept muttering things I couldn’t understand under his breath. I felt so…empty. If only I had remembered The Journal before running off… I could have saved us all…

Now, you may be wondering how the hell I’m writing in The Journal if Lily got it. Patience, my dear snooping, journal-reading readers, patience.

So anyway, as we continued our death march through the halls, we reached the inevitable common room. We knew what monster lay inside. The monster that had The Journal. The most beautiful, smart, funny, wond- er, yeah, Lily Evans was inside.

After hugging my best mates and thanking them for their attempts to save us, I took a deep breath, and went inside.

The hinges on the painting with the Fat Lady creaked open.

No one was inside.

And then we noticed it was dinner time. Everyone was in the Great Hall! And yet, there It was. The Journal. On the middle of the small table that sat before the fireplace, it was there, along with a note.

Tell Remus to go take a shower. That mud on his face must look extremely unappealing.

-Lily

P.S. My favorite food is ice cream.



So that’s it. That’s the amazing tale of how The Journal was dropped, lost, kidnapped, read by the enemy, and recovered. I bet you were thinking something along the lines of an explicit death scene where each of us was murdered slowly and painfully, but nope. Actually, I think I’m kind of disappointed… but not so disappointed that I’m not praising God and shouting, “I KNEW YOU LIKED ME!!!”


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Hey, God likes me too you know!


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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY….SOMETHING.

Remus says my lessons are on hiatus until we know for sure Lily won’t murder me in my sleep. This information has made sleeping very hard to do, especially when you jump a couple feet in the air every time you hear a creak from somewhere in the tower. Damn lucky Peter and his lucky cheese… his life’s going to be so easy.

I think Lily’s planning something… she keeps looking at me at meals, and I’m pretty sure I saw the fires of hell dancing in her eyes once or twice. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid…AHH- no wait, sorry, that was just Sirius turning in his sleep.

Yeah, so what if I’m writing this in bed? Under the covers? Real men know when to hide.

Classes have been… horrible. Lily’s friends keep whispering in her ear when I look up, and she keep smiling… I’ve seen the smile before. Well, okay, I don’t remember the exact smile, but I know I’ve seen it on myself sometime so it must be the smile I use before a prank! That’s it! Plain and simple – she’s plotting something.

As if I didn’t have enough pressure already. I need some lettuce…


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Yeah, real men are afraid of women. Gah, my messages are getting too short…write something interesting!

P.S. Lettuce is gross!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: STILL ON HIATUS

Well, at least now I have something to take my mind off of [the amazing] Lily. End-of-the-year exams start tomorrow! You might wonder why I haven’t been studying AT ALL, but in my opinion, if the information didn’t stick to my brain the first time, it won’t stick any other time. Besides, I’m naturally brilliant and everything sticks anyway.

It’s so hard to walk through the common room! The air is as thick as… really thick butter. All the fifth and seventh years are studying as if their lives depended on it, and they keep glaring at me…jeez, is it a crime to hum now? I think I’ll do it just to annoy them. Hum hum hum….la de da de da de da....

Ow! God, jeez, I was just humming for god’s sake! No need to throw a book at me Wood! [fifth year – he’s also the keeper on the Quiddich team] And I don’t have to “shut the bloody hell up!” if I don’t want to! And I don’t want to.

Bud da bu bu bu …duh duh duh duh… HOLY CRAP!

All right, no more humming then. One book at a time I can take, but when all the fifth and seventh years throw their books at you at once, it hurts! Ow…jeez…That hurt you know!


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Remus and Lily are a little touchy too… a word to the wise: Don’t take Remus’ book while he’s studying.

Speaking of books, people throwing hard objects at James? Why wasn’t I there???



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: ARE POSSIBLY ON PERMANENT HIATUS

Yeah, I think Remus is too shaken from Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily to teach me any more. I hope not, because I was making a lot of progress!

Anyway, bored. Bored, bored bored! We just finished taking three out of seven exams, and I have nothing to do! Our next one is in an hour, and then the rest are tomorrow. I am SO f-ing bored!

Resisting…temptation to…play with…stolen snitch! I suppose it counts as a gent lesson, but I forgot to write it down. Anyway, Remus told me to stop taking out the snitch I stole. Apparently Lily thinks I use it to show off, but I don’t! Seriously, [no pun intended] I just want to keep my skills up! And I don’t want to give it back… I even named it! Harry the snitch… stop laughing Sirius! I’ve had him since fourth year when we had that illegal night-time Quiddich match with the Slytherins. [Which we won, of course]

Harry. I like that name. Harry…not Harold though, that name’s for old men who play chess in the park with their pigeon-feeding wives. Harry…Harry Potter! Eh, a little common sounding, but I like it. Goes well with Lily Potter…Lily Evans Potter…

Erm, right, what was I saying? Quiddich, yeah, don’t take out snitch…fingers…twitching… damn it, I don’t care. Lily will have to learn to love it.


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Now that’s the way! Assert yourself! The man’s supposed to be in charge James, let her know that!

Mua ha ha… Harry the Snitch, eh? I should kidnap him and hold him ransom!



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WHO CARES ABOUT GENTLEMAN LESSONS WHEN EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!?!?!?!

Woo-ee!!! No more exams! No more sitting in rooms where the only sound is people’s quills scratching against the parchment! No more being bored out of your mind and not being able to do anything about it! Hooray!!!

Now there’s just a week and a half to do nothing around the school! Spontaneous parties in the common room abound!

I love the end of a school year.

And yet…wow. Sixth year is over. There’s just one more year of school before I’m out and about on my own. How weird is that? Can you imagine Sirius out in the world?

EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Heh, I’m just kidding Sirius. But seriously, [no pun intended] my life is moving so quickly! It seems like only yesterday when I was in my first Quiddich match and I threw up over the Hufflepuffs from nerves. I can still remember each and every prank the marauders have played together. All the full moons we’ve spent exploring. And soon it’ll all be over…

I’m going to make sure seventh year is the best yet! I will finally win Lily over – I just know it! Somehow, I can just tell we’re meant to be together. Damn it, she’s coming over! Ahh, must run for life!


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Luckily, James made it to our dormitory before Lily caught him. He’s scared shitless of her, he is. Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily probably scarred him for life.

Hey, wait a minute. How’s he going to win her over if he’s scared of her? In love with her, yes, but still scared!

And by the way, no one will run from me. They’ll all kiss the ground I walk on and all the women will swoon!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS CONTINUED!

So after Sirius showed Remus my last entry, Remus decided it would be good if I could get over my fear of Lily. Let’s just say it’s not working well…

In other news, Gryffindor has won the Quiddich Cup! Not that I ever doubted us, but yes! The other teams were very good, and we’ll have to train hard next year!

Right now, I’m sitting on the Hogwarts Express. I kind of forgot to write during the lazy days [as I have dubbed the last days of school] so now I’m writing to let you know I haven’t forgotten about The Journal. How could I? [Don’t answer that]


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SUMMER VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time for endless Quiddich, sleeping ‘til noon, endless Quiddich, eating whenever, and endless Quiddich!

Grr, James is a Quiddich Nazi. I bet he’ll be working me [I’m on the team] to the bone next year! Oh well, IT’S SUMMER!!!




~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I’m so, so, so, so, so, so sorry for making you all wait so long! I hadn’t noticed it had been three whole weeks since I’d last updated! I’m so so so sorry! But I hope I made up with it with this chapter! The first part was so much fun to write – the retelling of what happened! Hooray!

Questions for the next chapter to keep you going:
What will James and Sirius get into over the summer?
Will Remus visit?
What was with the absence of Peter in this chapter?
You’ll all find out in the next chapter! Or maybe you won’t… depends what kind of mood I’m in when I’m writing it. ^_~ Heh, I’m just kidding ya! Or am I….?

And also, shoutout to May, with the whole calm thing! ^_^
Thisbe Gwydion, I know I said I’d use that one line but I couldn’t find where to put it! Next chapter, I promise!




Chapter 4: The Genius Formerly Known As James E. Potter
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Wooo! Summer is going great! The only bad thing about it is that I live in a muggle neighborhood, so Sirius and I have been arrested three times already. [One of the times we didn’t even deserve it – I had never seen that llama before in my life!] Then the other times were for shoplifting [I did pay for that chocolate I say! Why doesn’t anyone believe me???] and driving over the speed limit. [Pff, 80 mph is nothing. Stupid over-reacting muggle police went on and on about it being a “school-zone” and that we were “a danger to society”. They also referred to us as “crazy psychotic teenagers who were high”. They even tested Sirius’ and my breath for traces of alcohol! Jeez, we’re not stupid! Don’t respond to that.] Yes, I can drive. Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT uneducated when it comes to things in the muggle world. The only reason I thought that lamp was trying to burn me alive was because I have some rather… life-scarring… memories with lamps. Again, don’t ask.

So, ignoring the arresting fiascos, we’ve had a pretty good summer. Sure, my mum thinks we’re insane, but she’s always thought that, so it doesn’t really matter. Oh, and we learned a new spell! It’s hilarious – makes someone/something fart every half hour! We used it on my dog [It’s not animal abuse. It’s love.] and it’s so funny! Or, WAS funny. See, the problem is, we haven’t quite figured out the counter spell, so he’s kind of been farting for about… a week? … now. Artemis [or as we have newly dubbed him Fartemis] is kind of mad at us, and whenever Sirius goes into dog form he keeps nagging him and being really annoying. Actually, I’m pretty sure Sirius knows the counter spell by now – he just won’t use it because Far-Artemis keeps annoying him.

AND, we are living the junk food high life! Let’s see…. Five…. Seven, no eight…. And the ones by the toilet… plus the ones mum threw out… eleven from that one night… and that one time – it was like, twenty… Okay, between the two of us, Sirius and I have drunk a grand total of 79 bottles of butterbeer. [This week] I don’t even want to THINK about how much candy we’ve devoured in the last DAY, let alone over the whole summer. I wonder what life will be like when our metabolisms slow down [I think they’ve past the speed of sound by now… eh.] and we won’t be able to play Quiddich as much. Well, if our eating habits stay the same, then, according to Moony’s calculations, we’ll both die of heart attacks at the age of 18. [Actually, I’ll die approximately 3 minutes after Sirius, since he always finishes his dinner first and gets to eat more dessert.]

Speaking of Moony, we haven’t seen much of him. Oh, how our young souls are suffering without the guidance of our missing comrade! We’ve gone two whole weeks without anything save some letters from him! Woe is us! WOE IS US!!!

Shut up Prongs – I’m right next to you.

No one likes a drama queen Jimmy.

Don’t call me Jimmy Sirius! And why do you two have to write in my journal? Can’t you just say it to me? I’m right here.

But invading your privacy is more fun!

MOVING ON, okay, I admit, Remus has been here the whole time with the exception of leaving on the night of full moons for his house, and when he does leave, we go with him. So really, he HAS been with us this whole time! But the wolf isn’t really him… oh, never mind. Gah, too much thinking – it’s hurting my brain.

Summer holidays are bad influences on people’s minds. I say we get rid of them! All in favor?





I’ll take that as a no then…

Wow, he IS a smart one!

I’m so proud!

That’s it – get away from me! En garde! Back, back I say! Stay out of my journal!


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Ha! As if he could keep me out – how could I just leave James to himself? It’d be against all rules of annoyance! I’d be a failure to myself!

And, seeing as the aforementioned annoy-ee has left to retrieve a letter from a familiar looking owl, this is the perfect time to intrude on his privacy!

Okay, the thing with the llama: BELIEVE US! WE HAD NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE IN OUR LIVES!

Uh oh, looks like James has passed out – time to go raid his candy stash!



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Oh my god. I have a letter from Lily Evans. Yes, that’s right, The Lily Beautiful Wonderful Amazing Very Frightening Evans has sent ME a letter. It goes as follows: [I would just paste it in here, but I’m getting it preserved and framed.]

Dear Po-Ja-Pott-Jam- [many scratch outs] James,

How is your summer going? Anything interesting happen/happening? [No doubt – with you, it’s never a dull moment] I saw that your favorite Quiddich team – the Appleby Arrows – won their match against the Falmouth Falcons – Congratulations!

Anyway, it’s nice to know you’re putting an effort into changing into a better person. Maybe next year I’ll get to know the real you better!

-Lily Evans


Yes, that is an EXACT replica. No, I am NOT dreaming. I already checked and reread the letter. [Twenty-seven times] It IS real. Wait….. yep, it’s real. Damn Sirius tried to burn it after the twelfth time I checked, but thankfully the gods favored me and I saved it.

I think God’s starting to get guilty about being so mean to me before, so now he’s making my life great! All right, so maybe Remus hasn’t figured out a counter spell for the pink hair thing yet [How many times do I have to say it? Don’t. Ask.] but he WILL figure it out soon. Or Else.


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Is that a THREAT James?

Seemed very threatening to me Remus.

Maybe I just figured out the counter spell but won’t use it now since James is THREATENING his dear, wonderful, amazing friend Remus John Lupin.

Nah, if you’d have figured it out you would have already used it. Your brain doesn’t have the capacity to blackmail or to be mean. Also, you’d have at least used the counter spell on me, so there!

I think pink is actually a rather stunning color on you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


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Oh no, don’t tell me Remus is going to randomly steal my journal and write in it now too! I can barely stand Sirius! [He REALLY needs to shower, by the way] Plus, that arse stole all of my Fudge Flies! GIVE THEM BACK YOU EVIL FIEND!

Well, I just went to the loo, so…

….You just love ruining my rants, don’t you?

Yes, very much so.

Anyway, yes, the letter was real. [Checked a grand total of 137 times now] The only thing is, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND??? I can’t just not respond, because that would be rude, but I can’t possibly be expected to write something SMART! Especially over summer holidays! My brain is DEAD. Six Feet Under. Flushed Down The Toilet. Run Over Repeatedly By Sirius’ Monstrosity He Calls A Motorcycle. However you want to say it, I’m DOOMED. To prove this fact, here are some of my rough-draft attempts to write a reply:

Dear Lily,

Of course my summer’s been interesting! I’ve already been arrested three times….

Dear Lily,

My favorite Quidditch team is actually the Quiberon Quafflepunchers…

Dear Lily,

I’m not changing – you’re just finally taking the time to see me in a good light.


All three of those are slightly rude and stupid sounding. Like I said, I’m DOOMED.

That last one was actually pretty good. Just need to refine it a bit.

Really? Hmm… okay, what if I said:

It’s good to know you’re finally seeing me in a better light. [blabber about summer]

Yes! By George, I think I’ve got it! Bow down to the genius formerly known as James E. Potter!


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People wouldn’t think you were smart if they knew what the “E” stood for. [Evil cackle]

Maybe I’ll leave them wondering… for a price! Dog Treats! Chicken flavored! On my bed on a silver platter tomorrow morning. Actually, make that every morning this week! Mua ha ha ha ha!

See, Remus, you could never do that. You’d say, “[James’ middle name here] is a great name Prongs. Ignore him.” You know you would. Yes, you would say those exact words! Moony mooners, you’re too predictable.



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You. Wouldn’t. Dare. Say my middle name and I’ll kill you. I’ll HAPPILY kill you. Damn you Sirius Vladimir Black! Damn Remus and his normal middle name!

And we don’t have any dog treats! You can’t seriously [no pun intended] expect me to go to the store for you!

That dog is insufferable! Just because my mother has a…unique… choice in names does not give him the right to make fun of me!

Okay, it gives him all the reason to, but he shouldn’t!

Grrr….. AND, I just sent my response to Lily! I’m expecting a howler any day now, or at least a Curse In Letter Form. I wonder if she’ll be mad that it took me a while to respond… AHHH! Maybe I shouldn’t have sent it! I sounded so stupid in it too! And dorky! [Remus made sure it was the most grammatically correct piece of literature ever written. EVER.] Maybe it was just a cruel joke! Maybe she only wrote it because of a game of Truth or Dare!

I’m totally freaking out here! What if…. Or…. And then she might…. AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! This is HELL. Just as bad, if not worse, than when she had The Journal! Well, not THAT bad. Remus isn’t hygienically challenged this time. But still!


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Calm down Prongs! CALM DOWN!

She’s REALLY getting to him. He’s attempted drowning himself in the sink five times now! The pink has even washed out from it! He’s going insane from that letter – guess I’ll just have to burn it! [maniacal laughter]



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Okay. Calm… happy place… happy place….

Maybe she DID write it out of her own free will! Maybe she really IS looking forward to seeing me! Maybe I’m going insane like Sirius said!

HAHAHAHAH!

Yes, definitely signs of insanity. Hey! Sirius KNEW this would happen! I would look back, saying that I was moron then, and Sirius would be in the nutter house!

Yes, definitely signs of insanity. You can tell, since I already said that, and being repetitive and redundant is a sign of insanity. Insanity! Insane!

CALM DOWN!



Calm?

Yes Prongs, CALM. Take a deep breath. In…. out… Now, sing a happy song.

But I’m really bad at singing!

Does it look like I care? Stop overreacting – your letter was fine.

Are you sure?

James, would I lie to you?

Sirius would.

Do I look like Sirius to you?

Well, your nose kind of resembles his nose… and you both have ugly feet…

… My feet are ugly?

You’re right! That did help! I’m going to slowly back away from you now, then break into a run and I’m going to hide under my covers waiting for Lily’s response. Good? Good.


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... But seriously, are my feet ugly??

No. Our feet are beautiful. Jimmy’s just jealous and is freaking out. I’m pretty sure he’s weeping like a child.

Oh, how confused he is.

Indeed.



Maybe we SHOULD start actually talking to each other, instead of writing then swapping The Journal.

WHAT!? You can’t be serious [no pun intended] man! BLASPHEMY!

No, wait, Sirius!

You do not deserve to write in here, you… you… ANIT-JOURNAL PERSON!

I didn’t mean it!

I’m not talking to you.

Yes… that would be because we’re writing in here…

… Shut up.



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What the…? I’m FRIENDS with these people?!? Why, surely I could do better! And I did not weep like a child! [did too!] It’s been two days since I sent my reply… maybe she knew I would reply and now she’s holding my owl ransom! Or maybe she KNOWS I’m freaking out and is sadistically enjoying it!

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god. My owl’s back. At the window. With a letter. A letter from Lily.

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A/N: I UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, a few things:
1. None of you noticed that when James was humming in the last chapter, he hummed the Mcdonald's theme! Buddah buh buh buh! I'M LOVIN' IT! Of course, it wasn't REALLY the mcdonald's theme, since it wasn't out then, but really! Don't you know your commercials?

2. Here are some questions by poprockzwitch14 that were really good:

Q.Im only confused on how James was still angry at the tree and went out to go kick it
A.Wouldn't you be angry if you fell from a thirty-foot tree EXTREMELY painfully?
Q.Sirius was telling what had happened as it happened in the Journal, when Lily got the journal
A.He wasn't telling it as it happened - he was telling it AFTER it happened while James was off killing the tree.
Q.And also, don't you need a password to get into the journal? How did she do that, or did she just guess it?
A.James took off the password after a while, since he knew it was futile to try and keep Sirius out.

3. I'm so so so so so so so so SOOOOOO sorry I took so long! I'm a lazy butt and it took much prodding for me to write this! I swear on my life I will never take this long ever again!

4. Lastly, I'm taking a poll. Okay, it goes like this: I'm considering writing a sequel thing. Not exactly a sequel, but just from a different perspective. So, if anyone has actually read this far into my author's note, here are the choices:
A. Lily
B. Remus
C. Someone Else
I'm not sure if I will write it yet, but if I do, it would either be called "Stolen Sock" or "One Shoe Left". Oh, don't worry about this one though. I'm not starting anything until I finish OSL, and I want this to be approximately 15-20 chapters.

Until I get off my lazy butt to update again,
~blue

P.S. I do respond to all of my reviews, just so ya'll know. Might take me a while, but I do respond!

Oh! Just noticed this - THERE WERE NO GENTLEMAN LESSONS! Argh, oh well. I'll put a lot of them in in the next chapter!

A/N2: I'm thinking of changing which group this is in - should I?

Chapter 5: Remus just had an aneurism
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Disclaimer Wow, I always forget this. Okay, THIS IS ALL MINE! *FBI comes out with guns at her head* Okay, fine, fine, the settings and characters belong to the amazing JKR. BUT THE PLOT IS MINE!!! *FBI puts their guns away*

~*~

Isn’t it odd how summer brings out the worst in teenage boys? Namely, me? Okay, well, not the worst in me, but rather.... brings out the Stupid in me.

It was all very simple really – a simple water war with plastic water guns in my front yard. Muggle neighborhood, muggle game, muggle clothes; It seemed like a fun yet inconspicuous idea. That is until we added Sirius to it...

Now, there are some places you Just Don’t Splash. I mean, it’s common courtesy to others! Well, not with Sirius. It didn’t help that there was a damned neighbor-kid outside on his stupid little four-wheeler and his stupid little ice-cream cone that was stupidly dripping down the side.

Moving on, Sirius went ahead and splashed me Where He Shouldn’t Have, and the kid started laughing! I mean, how dare he! Well, I was pretty darn embarrassed from that, so I tried getting Sirius the same way! But he seemed to have taken the words Water War a bit too seriously, and, well, he was just too damn fast! Soon, even more neighbor-kids came out to watch, and they kept on laughing at me! I turned around to tell them to SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!!! [damn mocking laughter!] when Sirius found The Hose.

It happened as follow: I turned, and left my side open and vulnerable. Might as well gave Death a hug then and there – bad move number one. I opened my mouth to tell them to get lost, and BAM! A freezing cold jet of water hit me in the side of my head, and I toppled over. Sirius was spraying me as if I was on fire [which I can’t say hasn’t happened before] and I was all too soon drenched. Not as in, oh, I have a spot of water on my clothes. No, I mean wet. Completely covered, head to toe, soaked to the skin and bone wet. My hair wasn’t even standing up.

So there I lay, in a newly formed puddle of mud [seems like we, the marauders, have some odd connection with mud puddles] and all of the damned kids are still laughing!!! In fact, they all look about ready to piss their pants with laughter! I get up, and one of them, who had calmed down, said, “You’re wet.”

“I KNOW!!!!!” I screamed back in frustration, but that only lead to me being hit AGAIN with the stupid hose! Except, this time, while he was spraying me, I tried to tell him to stop. Bad move number two. I soon felt as if I was going to drown on my own lawn, and once he had stopped I’m pretty sure Sirius had pissed his pants from laughing.

Damn him. Damn them all.


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That. Was. Hilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarious! Oh my god, I couldn’t breathe for five minutes I was laughing so hard. We need to have water wars more often...

Idea! What if we figured out how to transfigure, say, grass, into said water guns, and brought them to Hogwarts? Can you imagine the mass-steria it would cause? An all-out all-school water war! You’re head boy – tell Dumbledore to do it!

JAMES IS HEAD BOY!?!?!?!?!?

[I think Remus just had an aneurism]



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Erm... yes. I’m Head boy, might have forgot to mention... You might be wondering, How the heck do you forget to mention that you’ve been made Head boy? Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not too thrilled about it – too many responsibilities and whatnot. I mean, I’d rather not spend Sunday afternoons planning out stupid things like the Halloween Feast and various Hogsmeade dates with the Head girl.

Which surprises you greatly, right? In everything you’ve ever seen and all the plain-old-jane evidence, Lily Evans will be the next Head girl. That’s even probably why I don’t want to be Head Boy.

Being Head Boy means Lily will just hate me more. I’ll get even more of her cold shoulder and icy tone and I just don’t want that in my seventh year. In my seventh year, I want to be drunk on butterbeer [which is completely possible, I can tell you] and pranking every possible moment. And now I can’t.

Thanks a lot Lily. Well, okay, it’s not her fault, but yeah. I’ll make it her fault, and once she knows I’m Head Boy, she’ll want it to be her fault. I’m confusing myself on whose fault and what the fault even is now, so I’m going to stop talking.

Man, seems like I’m going senile! I forgot about The Second Letter! [Gasps] Here it is, and if you sniff it, you can almost smell Lily! [erm, not that I’ve tried or anything...]

Dear James,

Yes, well…right, about all of those times of being mean to you… sorry. I know many [and I mean many] of the times I screamed or slapped or jinxed you were rightly justified, but I may have been out of line a couple of times. Sometimes I would see you while in a bad mood and… I don’t know. Scapegoat?

Anyway, so, yes, I’m sorry about all of that. Say, how about we meet up at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor when we’re both school-supply-shopping? [each doing our own shopping separately and respectively, of course]

-Lily


So…. She’s really going through with the whole Let’s Be Friends thing.

Woops, sorry, my heart had stopped for a second there. Just seeing it on paper – whoa. Okay, moving on – I think it’s just kind of odd, is all. That’s not going to stop me though!

Reply:

Lily-

Sure! How’s August 20th for you?

Oh, and I understand completely about the whole scapegoat thing. I realize I’ve been very annoying, more so than called for, and I in turn am sorry for that.

Like you said, let’s turn a new leaf and start this year with a new friendship!

-James


It sounds casual enough… Or does it? I don’t know – this entry has been altogether too serious [no pun intended] for my taste.


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What’s wrong with Sirius-ousity? I think the whole world could do with being a little more Sirius-

Sirius, stop using that pun! It got old. It got old before we even arrived at school – it got old on the train! The first hour on the train!

All right, I get the point. Tell Jimmy to stop using the pun in here then. Argh, too much school talk! We still have a month of summer left lads – live it up!



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Letter has been sent – cue spazzing.

What if I had replied too quickly? Maybe she’ll be mad that I didn’t put a “Dear” at the beginning! But, I don’t use “Dear” in letters to my friends, and I bet she doesn’t either, so I decided to not use it. But what if she thinks I’m trying to become friends too quickly?! Argh!

Which leads to my newest infamous Gent Lesson – Worry Not The Letter. Speak Like A Moron Because It’s Fun And Grammatically Incorrect.

So I’m supposed to not be worrying about this. Calm…. All right. I’m still not totally calm, but at least I’m not attempting suicide in the sink anymore.

Summer’s winding down… Somehow, chasing the ice cream truck just isn’t as fun as it used to be. Okay, so maybe that got old ten years ago, but whatever. My dog has stopped farting, my butterbeer stock has run dry, and I am left with naught but a smelly dog and some empty bottles. Life is depressing.

Peter and Remus have gone on home to their families, and Sirius has reverted to his monstrosity – er, motorcycle – once again. I have nothing to amuse me but by making flies tap-dance! I’m bored. There must be something non-lethal I can do that I haven’t done before!

I’ve taken to lying depressingly out in my front yard. Most people would probably go in their back yards, [actually, most people probably wouldn’t even be lying out in their yards in the first place] but I don’t care. Something interesting is more likely to happen in front of my house than in back, so that’s my reasoning.

The same kid who was laughing at me before keeps passing me as he walks by. Finally, unnerved by his staring, I asked him, “What?”

“Why are you lying there?” he had asked.

Now, I normally would have answered, “Because I damn well feel like it!” being so irritable from boredom and all, but I decided that I shouldn’t swear in front of the kid. So, instead, I lamely responded, “I’m waiting for aliens to come and get me.”

Really? You know some aliens?”

“Oh yes, they’re good friends of mine. We like to have tea together.” I could barely believe the kid for believing me, but I started to get into it as he continued talking to me.

Wow! What do they look like?”

“That’s rude – you don’t ask what people look like! Aliens have feelings too! Though, if you must know, they have rather long nose hair.”

I continued talking to the boy until his mum came and told him he had to come inside. I heard him exclaim to her, “Mum, that man knows aliens!” She looked at me like I was some insane alien-obsessed muggle, and hurried the boy inside. But, it was interesting…

The boy had called me a “man”. I think that’s sort of odd – I don’t consider myself a man. Not really anyway. I’m too…. I don’t know. You can just tell from my journal that I’m not a man yet! But it’s an interesting thought.


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James, if in boredom, please do not write in journal. You make very pitiful entries when you’re bored.

Hey, I thought it was rather insightful overall.

...Like I said, very pitiful.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fine, if that’s the way you want it. Be prepared for very few entries then.

Lily’s reply came!!!! God, I’m so amazed that we’re even in contact. Tis an amazing and beautiful thing.

James-

Sounds great. See you at noon!

-Lily


ONLY A WEEK AND NINE HOURS UNTIL I MEET UP WITH LILY!

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Too lazy to comment.


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6 DAYS AND TWO HOURS UNTIL I MEET UP WITH LILY!


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See previous comment.


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FIVE DAYS AND SIX HOURS UNTIL I MEET UP WITH LILY!

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[coughObsessioncough]


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FOUR DAYS UNTIL I MEET UP WITH LILY!

What am I going to wear!?!?!?! Oh, and Sirius, would you like a cough drop?


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Are you sure you’re straight?

No, I’m perfectly fine.



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THREE DAYS UNTIL I MEET UP WITH LILY!

Where the hell did all of my clean socks go!?! What am I going to wear!?!? Am I supposed to get her a present!?!?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, about your socks, the funniest thing happened…


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You’re dead. I only have TWO FREAKING DAYS until I meet up with Lily and you used my socks in a BONFIRE! HOW COULD YOU!?!?!

Sirius Vladimir Black, PREPARE TO DIE!!!


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Er… right… did I mention I got my motorbike working? I think I’m going to go use it now…


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To the store to get me some new socks!

I’m meeting up with Lily tomorrow, I have no idea what I’m going to wear, and I have no socks. It’s a sign. A very horrible sign.

Sirius Black, if you do not get me some clean socks before tomorrow I will personally castrate you! Don’t think I won’t!

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Aieeee… I’m going, I’m going. Jeez, can’t even have a friendly little bonfire anymore. Stupid girls. Stupid lovesick friends. Stupid lovesick friends who spaz.


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Life is a conspiracy. It hates me and I hate it. I hate it with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns!

Argh! That had to be the worst date ever! And yes, I did say date. You might think that was a good sign, but… oh, oh no, you’re wrong.

After taking a shower, I came out to find that some mad person had stolen my trousers! AND, Sirius had gotten me HOT PINK socks!

Think impending doom.

As I ran through the foyer of my house, our house elf Fugga just happened to be opening the door at the worst possible moment. I slipped and went sliding across the floor, straight into the now-open door, leaving a not-so stunning mark right in the middle of my forehead. Guess who was at the door?

Yes, Lily had decided that it would be better to shop together; we would get to become friends. Did I mention I wasn’t wearing any trousers?

So, after many explanations that I did NOT normally go around the house like that, I quickly ran upstairs so I could appear presentable. The mark was still on my forehead, and my socks were still pink, but at least I wasn’t just in my pants this time around. As I walked down the stairs, Sirius slapped me on the back. I thought at the time it was his way of saying, Good Luck.

We used a fireplace at my house to floo over to Diagon Alley, and when we had arrived without any horrible mishappenings - I thought we were okay. Ha.

First, we had lunch.

In the Leaky Cauldron, we both were having an overall good time, chatting and laughing and joking with each other. Then the food came. My leg had been out a bit, and I accidentally made the waitress trip, hence forth spilling all of our order onto the table. Besides have to pay for food we didn’t get to eat, our butterbeers spilled onto Lily’s wand. Chain Reaction.

Her wand sent out red sparks, and I thought it was fine. Her face told me otherwise. It was a combination of extreme amusement, embarrassment, and shock. My hair was green. With purple streaks.

Arghhhhhh, it still has yet to come out! Anyway, after a horrible lunch, we went to Flourish and Blott’s to get our books. We agreed that I should hold them all while Lily pulled them off the shelves, but that didn’t work out too well either. See, when I see anything Quiddich, I drop everything to see it. Literally ‘drop everything’. She was turning around to give me our copies of “Standard Book Of Spells – Grade 7” to receive a faceful of books. It was horrible – I turned back around and I couldn’t see any of her except for her arm sticking out of the pile, twitching.

After apologizing countless times [and after digging her out] we paid and quickly left to just get our ice cream then go. I sighed – both of us wanted this little get-together to end.

At Florean Fortescue's, they just happened [damned fate] to not have any open tables, so we had to stand. Then, I thought, Oh, it’ll be okay because I had just gotten my absolute favorite flavor of ice cream [Choconillamidou] that I never get to have. I went forward to get it from the counter, when some other guy just walks up and eats it! “Sorry sir, that’s the last of it!” they had said, and I….. grrrr. Let’s just say someone left with a black eye today.

So, finally, back at the Leaky Cauldron, I turned to her. “Er…” We shared an awkward silence. [Who even made up the word “awkward” anyway? It’s spelled really weird]

“That was… eventful.” Wow, she was really stretching for a word there.

“Yeah… er, I’m really sorry about your shirt… and hair… and lunch… and arm… and books…” I said lamely, mentally hitting myself. [hard] How much of an idiot can you be in one day!?!

“And I’m sorry too.” She replied, blushing yet smiling. Why was she sorry? I was the one who was an idiot! “For arriving unexpectedly, making you trip countless times, and turning your hair green.”

“With purple.” I added, fingering my hair, and she laughed.

“I’m sorry for turning your hair green and purple.” She corrected herself, giving me a one-armed hug and a good-natured laugh. “Actually, today was fun. Oddly followed by a series of unfortunate events, but fun.”

SHE HAD FUN!!! SHE WAS HUGGING ME!!!!!!! I could have died right then and there, my friend, I very well could have. It was almost a perfect ending. Almost.

“Eww….” As she pulled away, there was motor grease and a dead bug on her arm. Thanks a lot Sirius. Nevertheless, we both laughed, and she turned and flooed home with a smile on her face. I went home too, where Sirius jumped me, and further covered me in motor grease. At the moment though, I didn’t really care.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t soooooo bad. She had fun at least, so maybe I will live through the year! We’ll see though, we’ll see.


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AHHH! I GOT GREASE IN MY EYES! I CAN’T SEE!! I’VE GONE BLIND!!!


~*~*~*~

A/N: Yeah, lame joke at the end, I know. Well, I'm considering ending it here... See, I think this would be a perfect spot to end it, don't you? I know, I know - you all want more, but... eh.

I want to end it, but I don't. I think I've lost my IT for writing this - and I think it's time to let go. That didn't affect this chapter at all, if that's what you're thinking. No, I decided this right now, and... hmm....

I added about 800 words to this chapter, so that might make you guys happy. I know it wasn't as funny as the others [or it wasn't in my opinion] but that's probably because I lost IT.

So now I'm thinking of maybe doing one last chapter then ending it. I'll think about it for a while before making up my mind, but I'm pretty sure now that OSL is ending. *sobsob*

Oh, and the winner of the poll was A. Lily! Hooray! Maybe I'll start that now if I'm ending OSL... Ah well, whatever happens, I hope you'll all stay faithful readers and whatnot. -blue
P.S. Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry about the wait, but I decided I'd rather make a chapter I wanted to write rather than one for the sake of updating. That's good, right?


Chapter 6: It's because we're good looking.
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

And so the ever famous One Sock Left returns with much ado!

Disclaimer: I OWN ALL THE INSANITY! JK Rowling only gets the characters! Oh, and this first fight is between James and Sirius - it got kind of hard to read, so during just this part I put Sirius as underlined too.


~*~


~ As do all summers, the summer occurring in said journal sadly ended. The marauders, which are returning for their sixth year [a much crucial one, I must say] return with most of their limbs in tact, with only traces of pink in their hair and the scent of farting dog littered on their clothes. ~


~*~
ARGH! I HATE SIRIUS! I CAN’T BELIEVE HIM- ARGH!!!!!!!

Shut up moron, it was for your own good!

You call hiding my own journal from me GOOD?!?! GEE, I’D SURE LIKE TO SEE WHAT’S FANTASTIC IN YOUR STANDARDS!!!!

James, this journal was only getting in the way!

You shut up! I’m not listening to your excuses any more!

I was only trying to-

LALALALALALA!!!!!!!!!

FINE! But just for the record [aka, this journal] I only hid it so that you could fully put all your concentration on becoming a gentleman! I was HELPING YOU! Remus agrees; it was for the best!

Oh, oh SURE! If it HELPED, why are you giving it back now!?!?

Because you’re DONE with your gentleman lessons!

SAYS WHO!?!?!

YOU! YOU EVEN MADE REMUS MAKE YOU A DIPLOMA!

Well, well….! GET OUT OF MY JOURNAL! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY WE FIGHT IN HERE ANYWAY! IT’D BE EASIER TO JUST YELL AT YOU!

YOU ARE YELLING AT ME! RIGHT AFTER YOU FINISH WRITING YOU YELL AT ME SO I DON’T EVEN NEED TO BLOODY READ WHAT YOU WROTE!

GET OUT OF MY JOURNAL!!!!!!!!!

YOU GET OUT OF *MY* JOURNAL!

THIS IS MY JOURNAL, IDIOT!

WELL AT LEAST I’M NOT UGLY!

AT LEAST I HAVE GOOD COMEBACKS!

WELL AT LEAST I’M NOT UGLY!

SHUT UP! REMUS SAYS MY NOSE WILL GO BACK TO NORMAL EVENTUALLY!

SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU LISTENED TO REMUS!?!

SINCE FOREVER!


~*~


[At this time, Remus finally came and took the journal away from both of them, for his sanity’s sake.]


~*~


Okay. I’m calm. I’m James, I’m calm, and I do not want to beat Sirius into a million pieces anymore. Seriously; [no pun intended] I’ll make due with just a thousand.

So, after much talking, yelling, punching, cursing, fighting, farting, licking, [don’t ask] pushing, shoving, crying, (Not me! The neighbor kid!) and shaking, we’ve come to a mutual agreement. All is well as ever [or as well as can be expected] in our lives.

I’m on the Hogwarts Express right now, and we’re just making it into the countryside. Er, here, this might take a bit of explaining…

During the summer, somehow, Remus and Sirius got the idea in their heads that this journal was making me even weirder than I was to begin with. [Which I won’t comment on] So, whilst [sorry, just had to use the word “whilst”] I was sleeping, they STOLE The Journal! “The fiends!”, I hear you say! Yes, it was truly horrible, but I suppose it did help…

Anyway, to catch up on all that’s happened, my gent lessons are complete! Finished! Finito! Done! Done-ito![? it doesn’t have the same ring as Finito] Peter even gave me a present [cheese] and Remus gave me a diploma. [Which I did not beg/ask for!]

And I’m not exactly sure their idea was good… I mean, honestly, in person, I’m much more subdued, but on paper [in here, to be exact] I’m even more wild.

Moving on, what was my last entry? Ah yes, Lily! She’s so beautiful…. Er, *cough* yes, um, well, we’ve kept in touch. We haven’t actually met again, in case we’re jinxed during the summer time or something, but we’ve kept almost daily correspondence via owl. [And *no*, I’m not getting all of her letters framed now. I’m satisfied with laminating them.]

I guess my summer’s been pretty eventful, in terms of Change and whatnot. I just hope it continues through into my school year.

Did I mention we have THE best prank planned EVER for the feast?


~*~


Yes, it twill be totally AWESOME! I mean, what with the balloons and the fireworks and the fish-

WHEN DID FISH GET INTO THIS!?

Er, heh, funny you should mention that Remus…

We are not subjecting sea creatures to humiliation and hurt pride for our own maniacal pleasures!

But-!

NO BUTS!



~*~


It. Was. BRILLIANT! Who would have thought you could make so many fish sticks in so little time?

So, once we had the beginning of the year speech and the sorting for the first years, our plan came into action. Let’s start with the main dish.

I was actually having a merry conversation with Lily on the healthy benefits of eating fish, to whi- oh, I’ll just write it out.

Me: Did you know that fish is proven to be 67% healthier than beef, pork, and chicken combined?

Lily: [laugh] Just so long as everything doesn’t turn into fish.

Me: …. Funny you should say that…

At that time, amazingly, everyone in the Hall simultaneously took their first bites, only to find

FISH! EVERYTHING WAS FISH! FISHY FISH FISH!

I’M TELLING THE STORY! Humph! Well, yes, everything tasted like fish! The steak tasted like fish! The turkey tasted like fish! The pumpkin tasted like fish! It was hilarious; at first, no one got what was going on! I mean, okay, imagine this is what you’re thinking:

Ooh, a lovely medium-well steak! Delicious – what the DUCE?! It’s FISH!!

Before anyone could turn heads or point fingers [or make somewhat vulgar hand motions] all of the candles in the hall started giving off sparks! Yes, that’s right! WE MADE THE CANDLES FIREWORKS! They all blew up, showering the hall with the house colors! [We only did green because I’m A Gentleman Now and Remus made us]

So that distracted them from their seafood-y feast, giving Sirius ample time to set the third part into action. He threw up a strategically charmed box, and when it reached the near-ceiling [above the sparkling candles] it burst open and hundreds of balloons came out! IT WAS AMAZING! I still can’t believe our own geniuses!

And, get this, the fireworks had just sizzled out on time with the balloons falling, so it was brilliant! Finally, when all the balloons had fallen and were everywhere, they all simultaneously popped [okay, that really wasn’t a good idea. I think I may be deaf in my left ear…] and the feast went on!

Yes, yes, don’t hold back on applause! No autographs, please! I mean, even LILY liked it! She was laughing and smiling and…. It was so totally worth the month of detention. [Though the only reason was because some students were allergic to fish and broke out in hives. Very sorry, but it was for the common good.]

And now I’m back in my dormitory, waiting for Sirius to come back from the kitchens with butterbeer and truffles, because He Is Sirius and Sirius gets butterbeer and truffles every year on the first night back. Don’t ask me why – it’s an odd combination – but it’s just something he does.

~*~


Hey, it may be an odd combination, but you gotta admit, it’s good. Better than good; I should open up my own restaurant! I’ll make millions and I’ll hoard them all so Peter doesn’t mistake a galleon for cheese again and choke. [Don’t worry, he was fine! And it was only three times!]


~*~


They say that half the things you learn you won’t ever need to know. Well, okay, students say that and then when they’re older they grudgingly admit they were wrong, but I’m still a student, so yeah. Anyway, it’s all TRUE! Who bloody needs to know that Grud The Crud won the Seventeen thousandth millionth gazillionth peace treaty of Burrrrrrrrrrt? No one! It’s utterly useless information unless you were somehow connected in the writing and making of the Seventeenth thousandth millionth gazillionth peace treaty of Burrrrrrrrt! And how the bloody hell are you supposed to *win* a *treaty*?! I swear, Binns just likes the sound of his own voice!

I find the Treaty of Burtilies quite interesting actually.

Yeah, well, you’re Remus. You have a knack for liking things other people don’t. Like feet.

My feet are not ugly!

And DeNial is not a river in Egypt! No, no you can’t write an answer in here, no more of that! What? Okay, I’ll write it: Remus says that there IS a river in Egypt called the Nile- hey! No more stupid information in this journal! [It gets enough of that from me]

Besides the overbearingly BORING [Remus: Shut up!] and utterly useless class of History of Magic, I think all of the classes have changed! Now we have the pressure of NEWTS!

Listen to me McGonagall: We Have All Next Year! I swear, how does she do it!? Why does she do it? Doesn’t it mean more work for her!? If I was a teacher, I’d never assign homework! I might get fired, but hey, I’ll leave to the cheering crowds of student everywhere, begging for me back!

Stop questioning how well the gent lessons worked! I’m serious [no pun intended] in real life, I’m a true-blue gentleman. I even carried Lily’s books for her AND opened the door for her! And opening the door is a hard task when you’re carrying fifteen hundred books!

Honestly, how many classes is she taking?! She must be at least five extra ones; you don’t get books that heavy with just the normal curriculum! But what extra classes are there? Just Arithmacy, right? I can’t think of anymore, so I guess I’ll just ask her.

…. She says they’re for READING! Can you believe it!? She’s not taking ANY extra classes, she just likes to read! Who on earth likes to read?! [Well, obviously, besides Lily. And Remus, but he doesn’t count in most things because He Has Ugly Feet]

~*~


I know! Really! I was talking to John Abbott today, and he had this muggle book called, “Great Expectations”! He even gave it to me, and I must say, muggle authors aren’t nearly that good. I mean, this Pip guy, the main character, he can’t even *read*! Who would write a book about a stupid person? No one!

Oh, just read it! And MY FEET AREN’T UGLY!

You’re so modest Remus, and I would have read it anyway! I never stop once I start something, unless it’s bad or icky.

I can hear my brain dying right now; “Icky”?! How old are you now, five!?!

No, SEVEN! TEEN! Honestly, I thought you were the smart one!

Sirius, it’s called sarcasm-oh, never mind!


~*~


I can’t believe my good luck; I mean, it’s almost suspiciously good! I GOT AN O ON MY POTION!

Yes, that’s right, an O! No, it is NOT the apocalypse! Yes, that’s right, I am James! No, I have NOT been kidnapped and this is Sirius writing. I mean, his handwriting is messier than mine! You wouldn’t be able to read it!

So maybe studying DOES help! I wasn’t sure when Remus first proposed the idea over the summer, but he promised that it worked. So I did. And it DID work! It’s amazing!

I shall continue my experiment and record observations here, until further notice!

~*~


Wait, lemme get this right: You *doubted* Remus!? I thought we already talked about this James, Remus is all-knowing! Do not doubt the Remus!

Ye of little faith!

Um, okay, he *doubted* you Remus – he didn’t say “Remus talks like a weirdo now”.

It’s an expression!

Uh huh, sure, sure.

BAH! I don’t know why I put up with either of you!

It’s because we’re good looking. You can’t help but be swayed by our devilishly good looks!

… I’m just not going to say anything.

Oh, oh! Look! He’s swaying! Silence is agreement!

Since when?!?!

Talking is agreeing even more! Remus lurrrrrrrrvessss us!

What the- what kind of word is “lurve”?!?!?!?!?!

Oh! He said it! He said “lurve”, he admits it!

I DON’T GET THIS TWISTED LOGIC!

You don’t have to get love, Remus!

I’M NOT IN LUR- I MEAN LOVE!

Moony luuuuuuurvvessss me and James! He thinks we’re right stuff!

NO MORE BUTTERBEER FOR YOU! GIVE ME- I’M TAKING THE JOURNAL!!!!


~*~


… that had to be the most disturbing conversation I’ve ever read. I don’t know whose sanity to question, Sirius’, Remus’, or mine. Hey! I just noticed something – all of our names end in “s”! Except for Peter. Poor Peter, he’s always been the odd one, what with his cheese and all… tisn’t [sorry, just had to say “tisn’t”, which may or may not be a real word] hard to doubt his sanity, I’ll tell you that.

Now I’m off to interrogate Remus on his questionable sexuality preferences…

~*~

A/N: I UPDATED!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!!! Yes, I took a much needed break from OSL, and now I've got my IT back! Does that mean I'll be updating faster? HELL NO! Ha, don't get your hopes up THAT high! Just be glad you GET updates now!

A Note to Reviewers: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!! I honestly wouldn't have gotten this far had it not been for you guys! Heh, I'm so greedy; I love all of your reviews sooo much!

Note about the sequel: Yeah, it's not gonna happen. I tried writing it, and it didn't work... then again, I didn't have my IT back yet when I tried, so I suppose we'll see. [though it's looking pretty grim right now] Oh, and it'd be Lily's POV! Sorry all you puppy lovers!

Note about the writer's duel: Thank you to everyone who voted for me! I still can't believe I got SECOND! For any of you who haven't read it, I should have it up soon; I'm just waiting for my banner to be done. And for all of you who HAVE read it, I changed the title to "Last Impressions", because it sounded better. ^_^

Final Note: Again, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reads my work! I love you all for it, and expect the next update sometime in May!

The REAL final note, as of 5/6/05 at 10:21 PM: GO READ MY NEW FIC! (even though currently it still hasn't been validated yet, but whatever)

Chapter 7: ... no. That would be weird.
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Who says life is a bag of cheese? Er, wait, no one says that. Umm.... metaphormetaphormetaphor.... I’ve got it! Who says life is a bag of lettuce?

Seriously, I think Lily’s gone a bit wonky. We’ve been spending more time together, sure, but now she looks at me sometimes. Not just the Oh-you’ve-got-a-huge-zit-on-the-end-of-your-abnormally-large-nose look, but the Why-haven’t-you-figured-out-what-I’m-thinking look. That look.

Honestly, people expect too much of others. Or maybe it’s just me. She sighs all the time and can’t seem to say what’s on her mind. She’s so complicated! I need to give her some veritrisium just for her to tell/ask me if I’d like to go to the library with her!

I don’t think she gets how the whole “friendship” thing works.

Or, quite possibly, you are the thickest person to have ever lived.

Thicker than a thicket!


First of all: I’ll have you know that I got *ten* OWL’s! That’s genius level, that is!
Second: My cabbage metaphor was way better. [was not! You’re just jealous.]

ANYWAY, aside from homework piles threatening to fall over and girls in our year suddenly over-using the look, life has been quite normal.

What?! When have our lives ever been normal?! Life is getting dull, my friend – I propose we spice it up a bit!

Just a question: If this journal was just to be used mainly for ranting [about the cruelty of pre-friend Lily Evans] and you’re her friend now, then why are you still using it?


... Mr. Prongs concurs, Mr. Padfoot. He proposes we hang Mr. Moony by his skinny little ankles for questioning the sanity of the more than sane Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot and for voiced blasphemy against The Journal.

Mr. Padfoot, although agreeing that hanging Mr. Moony by his skinny little ankles would be thoroughly amusing, instead proposes to wreak havoc in the Common Room. With midterms approaching, too many students have become too uptight for Mr. Padfoot’s taste.

One, stop trying to sound smart. You both sound like idiots. Two, I’ll have you know that my ankles are NOT skinny and that my feet are just a *smidge*above average size.


*coughthreesizesbiggerthanaveragecough* Exactly.


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No comments from Sirius? Just three little dots? What is this!?!?!

Ah, did you miss me?

*coughLURVEcough*


… What’s “lurve” mean, Moony?

I know, seriously! [pun completely intended] Who says “lurve”?

What?! But-you-I-argh! Prongs, just write.


Fine, fine!

Today was, in all essence, somewhat pointless. That’s a lot coming from me; most of the time I follow the “No time like the present!” motto. Today, however, I was completely bored out of my mind.

I think the lovely Ms. Evans was too; she was focusing so hard on the back of my head I had to check to make sure there wasn’t a hole there.Wait… okay, there isn’t.

…… she’s doing it right now. I feel slightly uncomfortable… and no, it’s not guilt from writing in The Journal during class. [History of Magic – no one cares about it anyway] I’m not sure why Professor Binns thinks teaching is best when no information can sink into your brain; maybe he’s trying to make us stupider! Maybe he’s a spy from Voldemort! CORRUPTING THE INNOCENT! WE MUST REBEL AGAIN THE GHOST-TRAITOR!

… bah, maybe later. I’m too drowsy write now. Even my usual wit and satire isn’t up to par.


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… I think my brain imploded during class and nobody noticed. We need to remind someone to go clean it up. Moony will do.

I’m not your maid!

Really?

YES!

You’re serious??

Yes!

Ha, no you’re not; I am!



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I think Mrs. Black was on drugs or something when she named Sirius. Who in their right mind would do that? The pun has been over-used since forever!

And yet WE STILL DO IT

All right, I’m starting to get nervous now. The first Hogsmeade trip of the year is coming up, and I don’t know what to do!

Aw, ickle Prongsiekins is all nervous about wittle Wily Wevans.

WOULD YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY JOURNAL?!?!?

Prongs, it’s two in the morning. We have transfiguration as our first class of the day. YOU NEED TO GO TO SLEEP!

Pff, The Journal is more important than a petty thing like sleep!

Just don’t blame me when you miss breakfast.

Padfoot, in all my seven years of schooling here, I have never missed one single breakfast. Okay, maybe two or three or twenty, but that was only because of reasons beyond my control.

Like when I blew up your alarm clock?

Exactly!

ANYWAY, someone help me! I only have a week to go and I don’t know if I should ask Lily to go to Hogsmeade with me. I know she’ll say yes by now, but I don’t want to jeopardize all the hard work I’ve done. [Some might not think so, but being deprived of sweet, sweet lettuce for a whole entire week is torture]

I think I will. Won’t. No, I won’t; I can’t! YES I CAN! I SHOULD TOO! No, no I shouldn’t… yes I should!

ARGH! I’M ARGUING WITH MYSELF! ON PAPER! How sad is that? Most people stick to only their minds for internal arguments. I feel stupid.

You're stupid, but you’re good-looking, so we’re still friends with you.

Glad to know that looks are everything.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


They should make an edible type of tree. I would so eat one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Err… how am I supposed to respond to that? I’m just going to assume I’m not supposed to…

All right. Today. After class. I will ask Lily if she wants to go on a date with me.

But only if I finish my homework!

JUST ASK HER, WOULD YOU?

Gasp! Moony, yelling? It’s unheard of! Gasp gasp gasp! I think I shall die of gasping! Gasp!

Do shut up.

Gasp!

Fine. All right, class ends in five minutes. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!? The Hogsmeade trip is in THREE DAYS!

Uh oh. What if she already has a date? What if she’d rather go with someone else? What if…. Or…. ARGH!!!!!!!!

Can I choose death? I think that would be best right about now.

Prongs… the bell just rang.

Okay. I’m going.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Way to build dramatic tension, Prongs.

I thought it was quite effective.

I bet nine sickles and a dungbomb that Evans already has a date.

As much as I frown upon gambling…. Seven sickles, a Honeydukes chocolate bar, and an extra copy of my History of Magic notes that she’s been denying guys all week, waiting for Prongs to ask her.

Should I be rethinking this bet? You seem awfully confident…

No turning back now! Oh, and you better be ready to pay up; I need to buy a new quill.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


She… said…

Just spit it out already, man!

Prongs, whatever she said, we’ll be here. And the first thing you should know is that you had an ink stain on your nose the whole time you were asking her out.


CRAP! ARGH! Are you serious? [no pun intended – DON’T COMMENT SIRIUS!] Lemme go wash it off…

HOLD UP! FIRST TELL US WHAT SHE SAID!

Why don’t we just talk to each other? Doesn’t writing it out give Prongs extra time to build up the aforementioned Dramatic Tension?

We’ll buy a Quick-Quotes quill in Hogsmeade, okay? NOW TELL US WHAT SHE SAID, JAMES!


I’m glad you guys care so much, but she said----------

CRAP! INK STAIN! Sorry, where was I?

TELL US NOW YOU MORON BEFORE I HEX YOU!

Sirius, calm down! I’m assuming she said no then, James?


Actually, she didn’t say anything. She just sort of blinked in a dazed way, and when she didn’t respond when I poked her, I left her there.

PRONGS!

I’m kidding!

… okay, no I’m not. That’s what happened, and now I don’t know if she wants to go or not!

So ask her, idiot!

All right, either you two took wonky potions that make you care a lot about my well-being, or you’re betting on the outcome of this date.

James, I’m insulted! Do you really think I, Remus J. Lupin, would sink so low as to gamble on your love life?

How could you think such a thing? What happened to loyalty? Are you doubting the caring-ness of your best friends?


Yes, yes I am. So what are the stakes?

Remus has to jump in the lake naked.

WHAT?!?! I THOUGHT THE POT WAS SIXTEEN SICKLES!

No turning back now, Moony!

What if YOU lose?

Then I have to eat your chocolate bar.

HEY!-


As good as it is to know you guys CARE so much, GO ARGUE SOMEWHERE ELSE. Preferably somewhere where I can’t hear/see you.

I’m going to go poke Lily. Maybe she’s woken up by now.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


He really is quite good at building Dramatic Tension. We should give him a trophy.

Or a Cauldron Cake.

Do you just keep a few of every item in Honeydukes with you at all times or something?

… no. That would be weird.

TIME TO RAID MOONY’S TRUNK!

STAY OUT OF MY TRUNK! I’LL HEX YOU!

SUGAR TIME!!!!



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


After much poking and bothering and hand waving in front of facing, Lily finally realized she was in the common room and not the hallway anymore. [People have the habit of moving without realizing it] She seemed to be pretending like I hadn’t asked her, like she thought it was a dream or something.

So I went along with it.

Me: Honestly, you can only get so many types of cheeses before you realize that you have one cheese too many.
Lily: Some people are just weird like that, James. Even weirder people collect dead fish and put them on top of their mantles, James.
Me: Wouldn’t that get smelly?
Lily: I guess they don’t mind the smell, James.

It got kind of unnerving to have her saying my name at the end of each of her sentences. I pointed it out, to which she responded by completely ignoring me and going on with the conversation.

I think her brain imploded too.

I really, really, really needed to know if she wanted to go or not though, so after dinner, I asked her again.

Lily: And so, you see, some people hunt for fun and consider animal heads as trophies, James.
Me: But… but… they’re killing my brethren!
Lily: Unless you want to get into a huge Muggle/Magical government mess, I don’t think-
Me: Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?

Again, she stopped and blinked. After pinching herself, pinching me, pinching some random first year, she seemed to realize that It Wasn’t A Dream and…

AND???

She said yes. I’m going on a date with Lily Evans.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HA! PAY UP!

What?!?! You’re the one who bet she would say no!

The lake isn’t going to wait forever, Moony!

YOU JUMP IN THE LAKE! I WON THE BET!

YOU CAN’T BE SURE OF ANYTHING! JAMES DIDN’T GIVE US DETAIL! JUMP IN THE LAKE!

I’M NOT JUMPING IN THE LAKE!

Fine, be a sore loser!

I’m the sore loser?!?

So you admit it!

You know what, I think I’ll just PUSH you into the lake.

Whatever makes you feel like you won, Sore Loser. You’re just jealous.

Of what?

Of me. I have a normal sized nose, normal sized feet, and I won the bet. I’m very jealousable.

Let’s just forget the bet. Pumpkin Pasty?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: HI!!!! Sorry to the millionth power for taking FOREVER to update! I know I've probably lost half my readers by now! T-T Damn that laziness! Okay, to make it up to you guys, I'm going to try to get in another chapter before school starts! And school starts on the 23rd of August for me, so that's pretty quick as far as I go! Ima gonna be in HIGH SCHOOL! Be excited for me! *gives everyone cookies to give back to me*

I'm not quite sure this chapter was up to par, but I figure you guys are about to stab your screens from waiting so long, so here you go!

Until my next update, ~bluecow out. ^_^


A/N2: I've noticed in my reviews for this chapter [PRAISE THE MODS FOR SPEED!] that you guys liked the edible tree thing. ^_^ I'm proud to notice that I'm writing a humor story that's not completely random, but thought that one random line would be okay, since nothing else is. Don't worry, I won't start adding flying pink hippos and an all-powerful Lily... as much as I would like to. *daydreams about rainbows and butterflies and how James is really just misunderstood*

Chapter 8: O P L
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

La la la la la…. I, James E. Potter, am going on a date with the Lily Evans. As in, the Lily Evans who swore she would go out with the giant squid before she would go out with me! As in Lily leave-me-alone-Potter Evans! As in Lily I’m-going-to-seriously-report-you-as-a-stalker-Potter Evans!

It is a beautiful day in the world.

IT IS FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING, JAMES! GO BACK TO SLEEP!

OW! He just chucked the journal at me!

You deserve it. Go back to sleep.

How can I sleep when in less than 6 hours, twenty-three minutes, and seventeen seconds I’m going to be on a date with Lily Evans!?!?

Punch him. I’m too tired right now.

But I did it last time! And besides, your bed is closer.


I’m right here, you know. Wait, why am I writing now? I should be getting ready for my DATE WITH LILY EVANS!

*sighs* It’s going to be a loooong day…

Peter just farted. Now we have to get up.

DAMN IT ALL! I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!


~*~

I hate James. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I am NOT supposed to be up before the sun. I’m not even supposed to be up before 10!

It’s 6:30 in the morning.

I should reveal his middle name, just for the sake of it.

Now WOULD actually be a good time for that. James is in such a good mood that he wouldn’t care.

Grahgdflk;gah, that ruins the point! Bahhhhhhhh… time passes a lot slower when it’s 6:34.

James is singing. In the shower.

Let’s shoot him. And Peter. Man, that fart REALLY stinks! And he did it an hour ago!

It’s a conspiracy against us.


~*~

Four hours and thirty-seven minutes [56-55-54 seconds!] left until my date with Lily Evans! Okay, I’ve got: comb [hah – as if I’ll actually be able to use it anyway], breath mints, handkerchief, wand, and All-Purpose Stain Remover.

I’m ready.

Seriously, why is time passing so slowly? Do you think Lily’s as nervous as I am? Or… or… what if… she’s just doing this to say “I dated you once, hated it, so now I have proof that we shouldn’t be together for ever and ever and ever.”?!

Er. Not that-oh, why do I even bother? It’s not like anyone doesn’t know, anyway. [Thirty-five minutes!]

~*~

Ready? Shoot him!

I can’t. It’s against the rules.

That’s never stopped you before!

Yes, but real people are probably actually starting to get up now. There may be witnesses. Casual bystanders caught in the action.

It’s a risk I’m willing to take.


~*~

Two hours. Oh god, what did I get myself into? She’s probably up in her dorm right now, laughing with all of her little, evil, sadistic friends on how she’s playing James Potter and making him go positively mad right now. Damn it all! Oh god, oh god, oh god…

This seems oddly familiar…

Should we remind him on how his other “date” with Lily went?


SHUT UP. THE GODS WERE CONSPIRING AGAINST ME THAT TIME!

Seriously! [no pun intended] That was just a total catastrophe, with no fault on me! Or, not all of the blame on me anyway. Oh god. 115 minutes. Oh god. I can’t do this. Bloody hell, I can’t do this! Remind me again why I’m in love with her?

No reason?

Oh yeah. Huh. Works for me!

Simpletons. I thought you *liked* her because she’s “beautiful, smart, wonderful, funny, witty, clever, and all around fantastic”.

… Moony? Are you in lurve with Lily?

James, he’s trying to steal your girl! Shoot him!

NO SHOOTING ANYONE! And James, you know I’d never to steal Lily from you! I like Lily Just. As. A. friend. I’m not even going to *try* as far as “lurve” goes.


110 minutes! Argh! [way to change the subject, Prongs]

I can’t do this. CANNOT! WHY WON’T MY EFFING HAIR LIE DOWN?!?!

James, I’m taking away The Journal! You’re wasting pages just writing about how nervous you are! No buts! [hah – butts!]

~*~

It’s Padfoot and Moony here, coming to you live from James and Lily’s date!

This is WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

Hmm, I hear a buzz. Stupid flies – anyway, we’re here on operation SNITCH! [Spy oN Infatuated Teenagers Crushing Hippogriffs]

Crushing hippogriffs? I *told* you I should have been the one to name the operations!

Oh, come on. You *know* operation Lost-Journal-That-We-Got-Back-Easily was a great name! It’s jealousable.

JEALOUSABLE ISN’T A WORD!

Shush, Moony, we’re going to miss all the action! Here they come!

How did you get James’ invisibility cloak? He was more hyper than a child on Christmas today!

I had to use it last week and “forgot” to return it. SHUSH.

He didn’t notice? Poke, poke, poke – come on, Padfoot, read my message…

MOONY! I’M TRYING TO INVADE JAMES’ PRIVACY HERE! CAN WE PLEASE STOP WITH THE TALKIN- WRING?!?!?!

… bother.

Deep breaths, that’s what I need… In…out… You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Noo, of course not! I truly want to keep this conversation flowing!

You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you? Tell you what: if you can successfully order me a firewhiskey from the bar, then we’ll leave.

We’re under an INVISIBILITY CLOAK. Steal your own alcohol.

They’re speaking! They’re laughing! What is this?! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!? Oh, wait, this is good. YES! And NO, you may NOT have The Journal! We’re wasting paper as it is! C’mon Moony, let’s just sit back and watch the show! Operation SNITCH is under-way!


~*~

Good news or bad news first? Good news? OKAY!

JAMES E. POTTER HAS KISSED AND BEEN KISSED BY THE LILY EVANS! BOW DOWN, PEASANTS! BOW DOWN!!!

Yes, that’s right! Complete opposite of the Unmentionable Incident, this date was perfect. She was perfect! I was close to perfect! It was all perfect! God loves me. He really, truly does.

I’d give a play-by-play, word-for-word, but I think that’d ruin the experience. Oh, it was wonderful! Just take my word for it!

Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming! OW! [hehe] I didn’t mean it! ANYWAY, I must stay on my toes! CONSTANT VIGILANCE, as that one guy on the street said. Life isn’t meant to be this good. It’s unheard of. Uh-oh… I think I’m going to die. There’s no other way to explain it! If I wasn’t going to die, then Peter would have farted again and Lily would still hate me! [Not that I’m complaining or anything, especially about the Peter-farting thing.]

So what’s the bad news again?

Oh, that? Well, hmm, I don’t feel like being in a sad mood right now, so I’ll tell you later. Like, say, five.

Five what?

You’ll see! Oooh, this day is going well! I have a successful date with Lily Evans, Peter is either not around or not farting, and I know something they don’t know! I love taunting people and building dramatic effect. Could you tell?

~*~

Five WHAT?!?!?! Oh come on, James! You can’t DO this to me! You KNOW me! The only stupid long thing I have patience for is writing in The Journal!

Blasphemy against The Journal!

ARGH! JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FIVE MEANS! FIVE DAYS? FIVE HOURS? FIVE LUNCHES?! FIVE VICTIMS!? FIVE PIECES OF GODDAMN LETTUCE?!?!?!?!

CALM DOWN, SIRIUS! Knowing James, it’s probably five essays he’s left ‘til the last minute.

This is post-gentleman lessons James, Moony! He doesn’t do that anymore, remember?!?!

I’m sure it can’t be anything THAT important, or he’d tell us. Here, have some chocolate.

…how many pieces of chocolate?

Not five.

DAMN IT!


~*~

Oh, how I love to torment Sirius. I swear, it must be my purpose in life or something. He’s just so much fun to bother! [DAMN YOU!!!!] And he swears like a sailor, which is always amusing around first years.

So, moving on to the “life” part of the entry: Lily is happy and therefore, I am happy. [Psychology classes my arse – I’m a genius already anyway.] I’m not quite sure if she’s just finally realizing I’m not a jerk, or if the gentleman lessons paid off, or if I was actually a jerk but then I had gentleman lessons and so NOW she likes me, but I don’t think I particularly care. Whatever works, right?

Whatever you need to tell yourself, right?

Shut up. I never liked you anyway. MOONY IS MY BEST FRIEND!

Nuh uh! He pledged his undying loyalty to ME yesterday!

I never pledged my loyalty to anyone!

GASP! Did you hear that, best-friend James? Remus didn’t pledge his loyalty to The Journal!


I bet Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily only occurred because he was on Lily’s side! HANG THE SCURVY DOG BY HIS SKINNY LITTLE ANKLES!

I DON’T HAVE SKINNY ANKLES!

LILY’S HERE! IN THE ROOM! NOW! NO MORE JOURNAL TIME!

~*~

I think James is losing himself and his sanity to Lily!

He lost his sanity to you years ago. As far as losing himself goes, I think he’s just a little… enthusiastic… about finally having Lily liking him. He has stalked her for the last seven years, you know.

You count all seven years? I only count the last four years, since he first got REJECTED in our third year. He started “liking” her in fourth, and then became obsessive in fifth.

Sounds like you’ve been thinking this over a lot.

I have. How much do you want to be they get married?

Fourteen sickles and a sugar quill, though you have to pay me if they have a kid named Harry.

Harry? That name’s for old men who play chess in the park with their pigeon-feeding wives!


~*~

Just for that, Sirius, I’m not going to tell you what the five means! [NOOOO!!!!!] And Harry is a much better name than REMUS.

No, no taking The Journal! You shouldn’t read over people’s shoulders anyway – it’s rude. YOU’RE DOING IT NOW! I CAN TELL BECAUSE ONLY YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE.

Yes! They’re gone!

Someone go punch the teachers. I think 98% of the people in my life have to hate me in order for the world to be in balance. Since Lily LIKES me now, that means the teachers have to hate me. See? Perfect sense. Or it could just be DJFTAGHAJAC day again. [Remus and Sirius stole The Journal earlier today, as seen above, so that’s the “give him a journal as compensation” part. I’m telling you – I never not make sense. Even my double negatives make sense!]

OKAY, THAT’S IT! That’s THREE whole things!

Three whole whats?

Three whole *things* - references to stuff you said before!

You remember every single word I say? Wow, taking stalking to a new level, I see…

THREE THINGS FROM STUFF YOU’VE SAID IN HERE! IN THE JOURNAL! STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH ME AND TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!

Sirius, calm down! Ask me again after four. No, you know what “four” means! Back off – I’ll push you out the window, you know I will!

There. Gone. Okay, sorry for that, folks. [Folks being all the people who don’t know what “privacy” means and read my journal.] ANYWAY, the teachers are already preparing us for our NEWT’s! And it’s only almost-December! Who even cares-

Tell them what the “E” stands for.

[ink blotch] W-what?! Why!?

Are you not telling them the “E” because it’d be four, or because it’s utterly humiliating?

It’s a win-win situation for me!


It’s-er-gah! Both reasons! MY MIDDLE NAME IS TOO VILE TO BE PUT DOWN ONTO PAPER!

IT’S EZEKIEL!

[~* The following was only able to be recorded thanks to a Quick-Quotes quill*~]

... I think James just had an aneurism… poke him.

He’s… er… not moving. Maybe I- OH MY GOD!

JAMES, DON’T!

It’s-not-THAT-bad-OW! HE KICKED ME!

ACCIO JAMES POTTER!


SIRIUS VLADIMIR BLACK IS DEAD! ARE YOU WITH OR AGAINST ME, REMUS?

LILY’S COMING!

~*~

I’m James, and I’m calm. Woah, seriously, Remus should go into therapy and anger management professionally!

… am I dead yet?

No. NEWT’s aren’t for another couple of months!

…he’s just waiting for the perfect time to strike, but I know better… STAY AWAY!

You know what’s funny? There actually was a Grud the Crud! And Binns said that he’s always mentioned on the tests, so I’m at least going to get one question right!

Just get it over with, already!

They should make an edible type of tree. I would so eat one.

JAMES!

Okay, this is number five. Five entries. This is the fifth, since the one I mentioned “five” in.

But what about it?

Well… you guys hadn’t realized it? There’s only one more page left.




...James, isn't that your sock?

~*~*~

Edit as of 2006: Just so you all know... the sequel is nonexistant and the epilogue is PROBABLYNEVER coming...*shuffles away* I love you all, I swear, and One Sock Left is definitely my HP fanfiction legacy. But, my theory is that we each only get one really spectacular legacy... because I'm not all that into HP fanfiction any more. T-T It's sad but true.

Thank you, thank you, thank you ALL for reviewing. Honestly, I wish I could meet you all and shake your hands, or give you a cookie or SOMETHING! One Sock Left was meant to be a nothing, just an idea that popped into my head. Like you all probably know from the oldddddd days of when I responded to my reviews, this started just from the title. [I just wanted to use the title, heh]

ANYWAY, enough rambling. Dude, One Sock Left is the NUMBER THREE top favorited story. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE, I ASK YOU?!?! It shouldn't be allowed; I'm only 14! [turning 15 next month] Just goes to show how anything is possible, I suppose!


A/N: Aaaaaaand, that's it! I hope you guys thought it was funny! And good! And I REALLY hope I surprised you at the end! Yes, there's just one thing left now. An Epilogue. Aren't you guys sad? There won't be any more random-but-not-random insanity in here! There won't be any more Update-now-or-I'll-send-a-giant-marshmellow-to-go-eat-you threats! It's gonna be a sad moment for me!

I'm seriously really sorry I hadn't updated when I promised I would, but that's me for you. I really hadn't expected high school to have THIS MUCH work involved!

Anyway, thanks to all of you who finally got me to remember that somewhere else, maybe a mile, maybe a hundred miles, people are starting to hate me because I'm so slow at updating.

Just two last things, I swear: One, contest! Whoever can tell me all the past references I made in this chapter gets... er, something special! I'll probably just throw a little picture or something together. Or I'll email you a cookie! OR, ooh, that works! Okay, I've got a GREAT prize planned! Seriously, all of you will WISH you had participated in the contest if you knew the prize! So go! [I'll probably see who gets the closest overall, since my mind works in weird ways so you might get too many or too few references]

The second thing is, there's a surprise! At the end! Of the *sniffs* Epilogue! So go and rifle through here, and may the best bare-footed person win!

Author's note as of 9/22: Hehe, OPL = One Page Left! I remember that I was *going* to put that in my author's note, but fergot. =P Silly me.

And, since some of you are confused: Past references means past references in the story! Like, okay, the most obvious one: edible trees. But it's not just the ones at the end! I sort of snuck some things in there, so good luck to all! =D

http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com