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Ye Fateful Foes by SiriustheOtter

Format: Short story
Chapters: 6
Word Count: 7,447
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: 12+
Warnings: No Warnings

Genres: Romance, Action, Humor, General, Crossover, Mystery
Characters: Ginny, Harry, Hermione, James, Lily, OC, Remus Lupin, Ron, Sirius Black, Snape, Fred/George
Pairings:

First Published: 08/14/2004
Last Chapter: 09/20/2004
Last Updated: 09/20/2004

Summary:
Fred and George go back in time, to discover who is truly the greatest pranksters, them or Sirius and James. However, when everyone else tags along, it becomes a war of friendship more than a war of pranks, as they discover who there true allies are. (Look out for some Top Girls references)


Chapter 1: The War Begins
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Year: 1979

The end of term was drawing to a close. And this was good news for the Mauraders in more ways than one. Finally they could escape the endless rumours and suspisions that followed them around endlessly.
Whispers were heard around the Gryffindor common room, as a blonde haired girl ran up to Lily and her friends to indulge in the latest gossip.
'Have you heard about Sirius and James?'
'What, that they are a couple?'
'No! That they have had another fight.'
'What, a lover's fight?'
'No!'
'Oh, shame, cos that would be sexy.'
Lily broke off the conversation at this point, disturbed by the mental images it generated. Although this piece of information did bring up a new thought in Lily's mind.
'It is strange though. That such good friends end up fighting without fail every single month. And now that I think about it, how is it possible for them to inflict those wounds on each other.'
'What do you mean Lily?' her friends questioned in unison
'Sirius has a hoof shaped bruise in the middle of his eyes!'
They all looked over to where Sirius sat, with his three 'friends'. Sirius did indeed have a bruise on his forehead, and James sat nursing a black eye.
Sirius became aware of the girls looking at him. Although this was somthing he was used to, he suspected it was less to do with his good looks than usual.
Gumbling miserablly, he turned to Peter. 'Peter, will you please thank James for the amount of embarrasment he has caused me with this hoof shaped bruise.'
Before Peter could open his month, James butted in,
'Peter, will you please tell Sirius, that I have enough embarassment of my own thanks to our dear friend Lupin.' he said clutching an ice pack to his eye.
Lupin looked up exassperated from his copy of the Financial Times. 'Oh well I'm sorry I accidently hit you whilst in my vicious werefolf stage.'
Sirius couldn't help commenting slyly, ' Yeah, it's not Lupin's fault if you hit his paw with your face.'
Peter tried to calm the tension by saying, 'Will one of you come with me to see Madame Pomfrey?'
'Why do you need to see her?' questioned Lupin
''You know, for my twelve crushed ribs from when Prongs stamped on me.'
'I'll go with you.' Sirius offered, 'After all, i know what it's like to be on the recieving end of those hooves.'
James sneered at Sirius, 'Yeah, run away from the fight why don't you?'
'What fight?' asked Sirius. 'I was just doing my Charms homework you loser.'
Sirius headed towards the portrait hole with Peter traipsing worridly behind. Sirius had just reached the door, when it swung open, to reveal two red headed twins. Seeing Sirius, the two strangers looked delighted, before shoving him backwards into Peter.
James stood up alarmed, 'Hey!' he yelled at them. 'Nobody hurts my friend but me! I'm gobsmacked by this behaviour, gobsmacked I tell you!'
James pulled Sirius up to his feet, and they stood side by side, facing the wierd newcomers.
'What is it ye want?' James questioned them.
'Yeah, what's your problem?' Sirius added
The twins grinned before replying.
'The war is on!'


Chapter 2: Back To the Seventies
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Present Day

Ron and Harry were perplexed. Where had Hermione got to? They had been discussing Quidditch while she listened with great interest but when they turned to ask a question she was gone. Strange. Glancing about the common room they saw Seamus and dean playing chess while Parvati and Lavender curled each others hair. Although there were plenty of other people in their house they didn’t really notice them and for the last several years they had remained nameless and faceless. Fred and George were also no where to be seen and neither was their friend Lee Jordan. In fact the common room was very very quiet considering it was the last day of term. Those people who were there lounged about in casual muggle clothes sweltering in the early morning heat. Ron was wearing his favourite crop trousers and Harry had on a rather dashing pair of Bermuda shorts that Dudley had worn back in the eighties.
Slightly worried about their friend the boys decided they should start looking for her. They were worried because it was summer the time when evil plots were always revealed, usually to the misfortune of Harry’s nearest and dearest.
“Hey Lavender! Have you seen Hermione?” Bellowed Ron across the silent common room. Lavender looked up, half her hair was curly and half was dead straight.
“Erm…yeah I think she was with Lee Jordan earlier.”
Ron and Harry stared at each other stunned. Hermione and Lee Jordan? Had Hermione made new friends? Or perhaps something else was going on? Ron glowered sourly but followed Harry into the corridor to find Hermione.
Meanwhile Hermione and Lee sat sunning themselves by the lake. Every so often Lee or Hermione would say something and the other would laugh cheerfully. People, mainly girls, kept on giving them suspicious looks but no one felt the need to comment. The grass was beautifully soft and Hermione lay back happily. What a beautiful day and finally she had someone to share the time with. Lee too was happy, who cares if Fred and George always excluded him? Who needed them anyway?
Neville looked on sadly. Just under an hour ago he had tried to sit with them but had been turned away for reasons he could not properly understand, something about not being a wheel.
Harry and Ron made there way slowly across the grass. Ahead of them Hermione and Lee were sitting by the lake and splashing each other with water. Ron was jealous he had always wanted to splash Hermione with water although in his fantasy she had been wearing white. Harry glancing at Ron noticed he had a strange dreamy expression but he wasn’t to worried Ron had always been rather vague in the brains department.
“Hey!” Harry shouted and waved. Reluctantly Hermione and Lee stood up and moved to meet them. Water ran across their skin and their clothes dripped slightly. Hermione looked like a beautiful mermaid thought Ron longingly if only he could swim but they had bee to poor for swimming lessons and as he hadn’t gone to muggle primary school he had never learned.
“Ron what are you thinking about?”
“Swimming”
“Riiiiight.”
“Anyway.” Said Harry moving the conversation along to something that interested him. “What are you guys up to? Is there some evil afoot?”
Lee and Hermione shared a confused look.
“No why would there be?”
“Well I figured you two must be planning something and then Me and Ron would blunder in and fix everything coz we are unbelievably lucky in bad situations.”
Hermione tried to hide her anger and in fact did a pretty good job when she replied.
“Well there is nothing going on so you don’t need to blunder do you. I mean god did you ever consider I might just have made a friend is that so impossible?!” She began to storm away with Lee in tow but she was cut off by Ginny who came running up looking worried.
“Hermione, Lee, Harry, Ron its terrible look I just found this letter.” She fluttered a piece of white paper in front of them till Lee took it from her and read aloud.

“Dear Ginny,
We have gone back in time to challenge Sirius and James to a pranksters war. We are fed up of being considered inferior to them and want to settle the issue once and for all. Please tell Lee and the others where we are.
Fred and George.”

Lee was fuming. This was the last bloody straw. Every time they did something like this he felt rejected anew. Hermione squeezed his hand understanding what he must be feeling. He smiled his thanks at her before crushing the note in his other hand. Fine let them go he hoped Sirius and James beat them badly. Harry and Ron however did not seem to share his opinion in fact they seemed to be on Ginny side. Fine whatever.
“This is awful they could get hurt, you remember what Sirius was like as a kid he almost got Snape killed for a joke!” Everyone nodded at Ginny’s words but Lee and Hermione on his behalf felt they didn’t really care too much.
“We have to do something we have to go back in time!” Said Ron. Hermione rolled her eyes.
“And how do you suggest we do that genius?”
“Well…erm…we could you know steal the time turner thing.” Said Ron grinning at his great idea.
“No we couldn’t.” Said Hermione firmly already picturing the trouble that would ensue after Harry and Ron’s inevitable capture. Seeing their determination Hermione groaned and relented.
“Fine look if we are going to do this we are gonna do it right. Everyone meet me in ten minutes in Harry and Ron’s room I think I have a spell we can use except there is a catch.” They all waited so she continued. “We have to stay in the past for a set period of time no longer and no shorter.” Everyone shrugged and nodded. Great.

Hermione walked away with Lee as the others went to collect luggage.
“I’m sorry Lee I know this must be hard for you.”
“That’s ok Hermione who needs them I have you now.”
Ron glared jealously after them not realising how badly he had misunderstood.

Twenty minutes later Hermione stood tapping her foot as the others slowly assembled. Late. Together they held hands and said the words of the spell. With a dizzying jerk the world dissolved around them.


Chapter 3: Making Friends
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The seventies/ Eighties

As quickly as it had come, the dizziness began to subside, and the blurred images surrounding the group began to take the familiar shape of the Hogwarts entrance hall.
'Did it work?' Ginny questioned.
'I'm not sure.' Hermione said. Everything looked the same as it did in their time. There was no easy way to tell what year it was. The group began to hear footsteps approaching, and a boy appeared at the opposite end of the corridor walking towards them. He was dressed in flared purple trousers which appeared to be made out of a velvet material, with a jacket to match, under which he wore a ruffled white shirt.
'Yes' said Hermione, as the boy walked passed them and down the corridor, 'yes it definitely worked.'
Now confident that they had arrived in the right decade, the group became more focused on their mission.
'OK' said Ron, his face alight with enthusiasm, 'let's split up and search for clues.'
'Oh yes, and who ever finds the most clues gets a scooby snack!' said Hermione sarcastically. (Ron, with his ignorance of muggle television failed to get the joke).
'We aren't looking for clues,' Hermione continued. 'We are looking for Fred and George. Let's split up, me and Lee will go this way.' she said, indicating.
'Why do you and Lee get to go together?' questioned Ron bitterly.
'Well I just assumed you would want to go with Harry.' Hermione answered calmly.
'Well you assumed wrong!' said Ron angrily, to sulked off down the nearest staircase towards the dungeons.
Hermione rolled her eyes in exasperation, and her and Lee turned on their heels and walked off in the opposite direction leaving Harry and Ginny alone in the corridor.
'Well I guess that leaves you and me' said Ginny, 'Where shall we look for Fred and George?'
'Forget them,' Harry said, 'let's look for my dad and Sirius.'
The idea of looking for James didn't hold much appeal for Ginny, but she had heard that Sirius had been quite good looking as a teenager. Seeing Ginny agree to his plan Harry bounded up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room.
'Wait' Ginny called after him, as she slowly wobbled up the stairs in her high heeled stiletto shoes.
After being delayed extensively by Ginny's inappropriate choice in shoes, they arrived at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room.
'How do we get in?' Ginny questioned, as neither of them had the password. Luckily Harry was saved from having to admit he had no idea, as two Gryffindor students came up the corridor behind them towards the portrait hole. One was a girl, with a bobbed haircut, and was wearing a horrible yellow suit, with padded shoulders. She was clinging onto the arm of a boy, who had on an equally ugly, brightly coloured suit, and a haircut wouldn't have looked out of place at a WHAM! concert. Despite his bad fashion sense however, there was something familiar about this boy that Harry couldn't quite put his finger on.
'What's the password again?' the girl asked the boy
'Oh Marlene, you are always forgetting said the boy exasperated, 'It's 'conservative' I would've thought you of all people would remember that.'
'Oh sorry Remmie, I just keep forgetting,' said Marleene.
Harry's eyes widened. Remmie? As in Remus Lupin? Harry couldn't believe his eyes. At yet despite the bad fashion sense it was unmistakable
The portrait door had swung upon, and Lupin and his friend had gone inside. Harry and Ginny followed closely after them.
Lupin had sat down at the far end of the room with two other people. Harry didn't need to ask to know who they were. He recognised the mirror image of himself in his father and the unmistakable good looks of Sirius.
Ginny nudged Harry, 'Aren't you gonna go and talk to them?' she whispered. Harry nodded, but his feet remained firmly on the spot. He really wanted to go, but what would he say?

***
Meanwhile, Ron still in a rage, was storming around the corridors of the dungeon. His anger was so strong that he barley even noticed were he was going let alone worry about where Fred and George were. It was hardly surprising then, in his blind rage that he didn't notice a boy, not much older than himself, coming down the corridor towards him, hunched over, his greasy hair covering his whole face. This boy also appeared to be in a trance, with no real knowledge of which way he was walking. It wasn't until both boys collided that they were knocked to their senses again.
'Oh I'm so sorry.' Ron said hastily
'No, no it's entirely my fault.' said the boy, although he was flinching as if he thought Ron might try and hex him.
'Are you okay?' Ron asked him. His bad mood had quickly evaporated as pity and concern began to settle in for this poor boy.
'I'm fine,' said the boy half heatedly, without much conviction. 'I'm....'
'What?' asked Ron sympathetically
'I'm just tired of being picked on.'
'Who would pick on you?' asked Ron
'Oh some boy named Potter.' said the boy bitterly
Ron's eyes widened at this final statement, 'Oh my gosh!' he exclaimed. 'I know just how you feel!'

***

Lee and Hermione had given up looking for Fred and George. Well... given up in the sense that they never started looking. Early dusk was settling in, and the pair were walking, through the Hogwarts grounds by the lake despite their time travelling taking them back to mid-December, so they were absolutely freezing in the Scottish weather. But it was either that, or return to the castle to resume looking for Fred and George. Frostbite was the lesser of two evils.
'Are you okay?' Hermione questioned Lee
'Yes I'll be fine,' said Lee earnestly, 'It's just this is so typical of Fred and George. They are always leaving me out. They go home during the summer, and have all these little in-jokes, and that bloody Weasley Wizard Wheezes thing...' Lee sighed, 'And where am I? Cleaning up the puke from their skiving snack boxes.'
Hermione nodded with sympathy. She knew what it was like, having your supposed best friends leaving you out, and pushing you to one side.
They continued to walk around the lake, bitching about there so called friends, until they came across a figure huddled beneath the trees. Someone else stupid enough to brave the freezing weather. As they got closer Hermione began to recognise the small rounded figure, and his rodent like features. She let out a small gasp.
'Holy Cricket! It's Wormtail' she whispered to Lee
Hermione knew that as she got closer to Peter, that she should be feeling hate towards him, and anger for his betrayal of James, Lily, and of course most importantly Sirius. But as she saw the small figure shivering in the cold, looking lost and pathetic, she was only able to summon sympathy.
'Hey!' she called out to him as she approached him, and knelt down beside him, 'Whatcha doing way out here on your own?'
Peter sighed, 'Oh my friends chucked me out of the common room, they said I was getting in their way.'
'You mean James and Sirius?' asked Hermione
Peter's eyes narrowed, 'How did you know that?' he asked suspiciously '....do I even know you.'
'Not yet.' said Hermione, 'But we want to help you.'
She turned to look at Lee, who nodded. 'We want you to join our group' Hermione said to Peter.


Chapter 4: Smarties and Stilltto Shoes
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Still the seventies

By the time night fell each of the groups had found someone but none of them had found Fred and George. None of them really cared very much. Shivering from the cold Lee, Hermione and Peter came back inside meeting up with a serene looking Ron.
“Hey Ron!” Hermione smiled a tad nervously but Ron seemed to have forgotten that they had ever argued, for some reason he seemed very happy.
“Any luck?” Lee asked grudgingly assuming he had found his no good, jerk brothers. Ron looked startled.
“What? Oh…er…no, but I did meet this really nice guy, he was quite shy but friendly enough once we got talking.” Noticing Peter he added. “I see you made a friend too.” Hermione and Lee nodded. Together they made their way upstairs towards the common room.


****


Ginny stood tapping her pointy shoes while Harry stood rapt, staring at James and Sirius who had been getting increasingly twitchy as the evening wore on. Every so often one of them would glare suspiciously at Harry wondering why he was gawping at them. To pass the time Ginny checked out the crazy fashions. Everyone was in muggle dress because it was Christmas holidays. Sirius was managing to look very hot despite his gold faded hippy jeans and tie died t-shirt, her eyes lingered on him for a while before moving on, she didn’t want to gape. Not that Sirius minded her looking. James had his back to Ginny but he appeared to be wearing a shell suit. Ginny shuddered and continued to let her gaze travel the room.

****

“Well?” James spat the word at Sirius who pretended not to understand.
“Well what?”
“Is that weirdo kid still gaping?” Sirius nodded distractedly, picking at the arm of his chair. James was not in a good mood. He liked attention but this was just a bit too creepy. Now if the weirdo boy had been a hot girl…Turning to glare at the kid again his gaze lingered on the red haired girl next to him but not for long, he was distracted by the crowd of people scrambling through the portrait hole.

***


The others had been facing the same problem as Ginny and Harry in that they had no way of getting into the common room. Lucky for them they didn’t have to wait long. Soon two authoritative looking girls stalked up deep in gossip.
“So then he says that he can’t see me coz he’s meeting his wife!” The other girl looked scandalised.
“Oh no, Win, he chose his wife over you!”
“I know! God Nell, I mean am I that soft? so I said fine go see her but don’t expect to see me again! Conservative” The two girls entered the common room laughing leaving Hermione and the others to follow in their wake.
“His wife?” Mouthed Lee looking both sickened and impressed. Ignoring him the others clambered inside.


****


The common was rapidly filling with strangers. Sirius watched as weirdo kid and his sparkly shoed friend was joined by two boys, a girl and…Peter? Seeing Sirius and James, Peter waved and ushered his new friends over to meet them.
“Hey Sirius, James this is Hermione and Lee!” Both boys managed to summon polite smiles to their faces.
“And…?” Peter didn’t seem to follow Sirius’ thought but Hermione did.
“These are our other friends Ron, Ginny and Harry, we are erm exchange students from somewhere else.” She finished lamely.
Is it America?' asked Sirius, 'because we get a lot of people from there.'
James, however was staring transfixed at Ginny’s feet. An awkward silence followed in which no one knew what to do. Suddenly Sirius leaped up and ran upstairs. The silence became more awkward. Harry continued to stare at James, James continued to stare at Ginny’s feet. Sirius reappeared carrying a large plastic bag and a blindfold.
“Great now we have enough people to do a proper taste test!” James smiled gently at his friends enthusiasm. Everyone else looked perplexed. Sirius pulled a giant tube of Smarties (like M ‘n’ M’s but so much better) from the bag. Suddenly Hermione and Harry understood.
“Who wants to go first?” Hermione shrugged indicating that she would. And so each of them in turn sampled the sweets with the blindfold on. Finally when everyone had gone Sirius cheerfully brandished his chart.

“HA! I knew it, the lying scum, the orange ones do taste of orange!”


***


The next day James sat by the fire with Sirius and Peter discussing the new arrivals.
“They seem ok. A bit weird but ok…except that Harry kid. God is he annoying the little idiot kept staring at me and man does he like the sound of his own voice.” The others nodded not agreeing but pretending to listen. Peter was thinking of his new friends Hermione and Lee and it filled him with a warm glow. Sirius was gazing dazedly passed James’ shoulder wondering if tie-dye was perhaps a bit naff after all. Remus was sitting just a bit aside from the group in a dazzling white suite that matched his girlfriend Marlene’s, recently he seemed to be less keen on her and just now they appeared to be bickering , tuning in he realised it was about trade practises in multi-national companies, Sirius tuned out again.
Soon Ginny and Lee joined them saying the others had gone to try and find Fred and George.
“Who?” Sirius questioned while James once again became entranced by Ginny’s feet.

“My brothers, red haired twins…”

“Real jerks.”
“Lee!”

“Well they are.”

“Yeah they are jerks.” Interrupted Sirius “ They knocked me over for like no reason.”

“Sorry…er..you don’t know where they are do you?” Ginny asked hopefully but Sirius shook his head. Silence followed. Suddenly James forced his gaze to Ginny’s face with an expression of urgent concern.
“Do you realise how ugly your shoes are?”
“What?” She shrieked indignantly “I happen to like them very much and they are the height of cool where we come from so there, and besides who are you to criticise shell suite boy!” Ginny leaped to her feet pointy stilettos flashing in the sun but Sirius pulled her down again.
“Calm down he was only joking weren’t you prongs?”
“No.” Ginny made an angry growling noise but James continued “They are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. In fact I would go as far as to hazard a guess that they are the ugliest shoes in existence.” Ginny slapped him very hard, scrambling to escape from Sirius and Lee who had moved to hold her back. They were finding it extremely difficult. She continued to shout with rage and cause a scene. James much to his friends annoyance was still in hysterics about the ugly shoes but Ginny soon wiped the smile off his face.
“Yeah well…” She hissed in a spiteful whisper. “Guess what shell suite boy, we’re not exchange students at all we’re from the future and Harry the weirdo is your one and only son.”


***


James did not take the news well. After Ginny stalked off to find Hermione, after Lee and Peter traipsed after her and after Remus and Marlene made a strategic retreat, James sat in stunned silence too upset to talk to even Sirius. Putting a comforting arm round his friend Sirius tried to think of something he could say that would possibly make this all right.
“At least on the bright side this means you have sex at least once” James continued to stare blankly ahead. Sirius sat silently with him. The night progressed around them. Darkness fell like a curtain, the stars shone brightly and James knew that nothing would ever be alright again.


Chapter 5: Recruiting Allies
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Alas, still in the seventies!


Fred and George had ran into a difficulty. They needed a hide-out from James and Sirius where they could plot the prankster war. Unfortunately James and Sirius were co-creators of the Mauraders map, so they knew and had access to every hidden passage and room in the school. As they couldn't hide from them, they decided to go to the last place that James and Sirius would ever think to look for them; The Hufflepuff Common Room. Hufflepuff house was filled with slacker types too lazy to win any glory for their house. It was the perfect place to hatch their schemes in peace. Plus being the Christmas holidays the room was fairly deserted.
Fred and George sat in squishy armchairs next to the cozy fire, heads bend low together as they hatched there plans to prove their worth over James and Sirius. A small cough was heard from behind them, and they looked up from their dumgbomb order forms to see what it was. Two girls were sitting on chairs a little distance away, looking curiosly at the twins.
'What are you doing?' one questioned them
'Nothing' George replied hurridly.
'Your plotting something aren't you' the other girl sniggered.
'What would make you think that?' asked Fred
'Cos that's what all us Hufflepuffs do. No one suspects the Hufflepuffs'
The two girls broke into fits of laughter. Fred and George shared confused looks over this random interuption, and continued plotting.
They had barely began discussions of non-explodable luminous ballons, before they were interrupted again, this time by the common room door swinging open. To their great surprise, their sister Ginny walked in.
'There you are!' she said relieved. 'I've been looking for you everywhere.' Her face was still flushed from anger at her and James' row.
'Ginny!' the twins exclaimed, 'What are you doing here.'
Ginny began to explain the whole story to them, how she and the others had travelled back in time to find them, but got distracted and made new friends along the way. She explained why she had stormed out of the Gryffindor common room, furious with James
'Why did you guys follow us here?' Fred questioned her.
'We wanted to make up you didn't screw up future events.'
'Oh and telling James that Harry is his son won't do that?' George asked sarcasticly
Ginny shrugged. James deserved to know the horrible truth.
'Y'know George,' said Fred thoughtfully, 'We may be able to use the others being here to our advantage. If we encourage them all to join us in the prankster war, we will outnumber James and Sirius, and be victorious.' Fred and George grinned wickedly. And then, with Ginny hobbeling after them (her shoes were starting to blister) they set off towards the Gryffindor common room.

***

The reaction to Fred and George's arrival in the Gryffindor common room was mixed to say the least. Ron was relieved to see his brothers safe, despite his lack of activness in looking for them. Hermione and Lee said nothing although their faces revealed a trace of dissapointment. The Mauraders however, were outraged.
'There they are!' Sirius yelled, 'they're the guys that pushed me.'
'And re-crushed my ribs' Peter added
Fred and George mearly shrugged. 'Yeah sorry about that. We are hear to lay down the rules of this prank war.'
'Wha prank war?' said James confused.
You and Sirius have a reputation for being the biggest trouble makers Hogwarts has ever seen.' Fred explained.
'What about me?' sighed Peter weakly, and Hermione and Lee rushed to comfort him.
'Anyway,' continued Fred, 'We are tired of being compared to you, and so have jouneyed through time to settle this matter.'
Sirius looked the twins up and down, from their bowl haircuts and snappy shirts. 'So what are you like, from the 50's?' he asked
'No' said George confused, 'The 90's! Anyway, we are here to challenge you to a war, winners take the crown of Ultimate Hogwarts Prankster.
This wasn't a title James or Sirius were particularly concerned with having, but James was too competative to turn down a challenge, and Sirius had nothing better to do. So they agreed.
'When is this going to take place' spoke up Hermione, 'because we are due to be transported back to the future in two days time.'
'Well then, tomorrow night.' said Fred, 'come on George, we've gotta finish ordering those dungbombs.'
'Dumgbombs?' said Sirius in disbelief. 'That's how you plan to win this war...with dumgbombs. What an amateur.'
James and Sirius laughed with the air of great superiority.
'No!' said George bashfully. 'We have luminous balloons as well.'
James continued laughing at their supossed competition, but Sirius' eyes suddenly lit up. The word balloons had given him an idea.
'You keep your dungbombs.' Sirius said, 'Come on James, we need to visit dulex.com'
'One more thing.' Fred added. He indicated the other members of the room. 'They should join in the war too, they can pick which side they want to be on.'
'Agreed' chimed James and Sirius

***

The rest of the day became a manic scrabble for both sides to recruit members. Remus immediately joined James and Sirius' side.
The twins already had Ginny on there side, as she was still furious at James for his jibe about her shoes. Next they rounded on Ron.
'Sure I'll join your side, if my new friend can join too.'
'New friend?' said Fred confused, 'what's his name?'
'Um...Serverus, or Sneverus or something I can't rememer exactly.' said Ron.
The twins exchanged looks, 'Er...maybe you should ask what his surname is' said George sympathetically. 'But yeah, if he wants to join, both of you are more than welcome, it may even make potions lessons more bearable in the future.
'Huh?' said Ron
Fred and George ignored him, and continued around the common room to recruit other people.
'How about you Hermione, will you join our side' said George
'Well I would.' said Hermione, 'except' she lowered her voice so that only he could hear, 'I really don't like Fred.'
'What?' said George confused, 'how can you not like one of us, we are interchangable, even I admit that. There is no difference between us.
Hermione shrugged. Maybe it was the name, 'Fred'. There was just something about him that annoyed her. Besides she had the other members of the 'Third Wheel club' to consult before deciding which side to take in the war.
She turned to Peter and Lee. 'So what do you think?' she asked
'Definetely lets join James and Sirius' said Lee who was obviously still hurt about Fred and George's exculsion of him from their plans.
Hermione nodded in agreement.
'Hey wait' said Peter, 'I want to go on the other side, I want to prove I am the better prankster than James and Sirius.'
'Well it's two against one.' said Lee simply.
'So I get no say!' said Peter, 'honestly it's like I am becoming a third wheel in this Third Wheel Club
'Whatever' said Hermione and Lee, who weren't really listenning
Peter, looking hurt, stalked off to join Fred and George.

This left only Harry. Fred and George ran over to him.'So' they said, 'will you join our side?'
'I think I'd like to go on my dad and godfather's side' said Harry thoughtfully
James' eyes widenned in horror. 'No, no, really it's ok' James said. 'You guys take him'

So with the sides decided, the groups set their sites towards tomorrow night, when the war would take place.It would be the war to end all wars, or at least Sirius thought, allow all these losers to go back to their own time and be done with it.












Chapter 6: Back to the future
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Lamentably still the seventies

The night was upon them and war was soon to commence. James and his allies stood motionless among the dark trees of the forbidden forest. Waiting. Standing proudly at the head of the group was James, alert and ready for battle. Hearing a distant rustling he nervously fingered for the weapon strapped across his back. At this sudden movement Sirius and Lupin jumped away. James tossed his head back imperiously and glared at them through narrowed eyes. Sirius and Lupin waved at him and grinned mischievously. Suspiciously he felt his back and tore of a sheet of paper, it read Cannon fodder . By this point Lee and Hermione were also giggling hysterically. James rolled his eyes and addressed them through gritted teeth.
“I don’t think your taking this entirely seriously!”
“Of course we are James. We all came armed didn’t we?” Said Sirius pulling out his long bow. James sighed with annoyed patience.
“Sirius we discussed this. No Long bow. Ever. You’re a terrible shot anyway.” Sirius looking scandalised replied.
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not and I’ll prove it.” Sirius strung his bow and took aim. The arrow flew through the air and into the near by apple tree.
“Great shot Sirius.” Scoffed Lupin.
“Thank you, I think so.” Replied Sirius as he strolled towards the tree ignoring Lupin and James’ laughter. He emerged two seconds latter with an apple kebab. Unskewering the two apples he rammed one in James’ mouth before gracefully offering the other to Hermione. In a mock offended tone Lupin threw an arm around Lee’s shoulders.
“What we don’t get an apple?” A sly grin flittered across Sirius’ face before he answered solemnly.
“Ladies first Lupin.”

There was no time for James to retort because just at that moment the others became visible approaching through the trees. Sirius and the others fell back into formation, organised and coordinated unlike their opponents. Fred, George, Ginny, Ron, Peter and Snape scrambled haphazardly across the clearing. Tripping over each other and sometimes themselves they eventually formed a line facing the allies in no apparent order. In fact the only orderly thing about them was their colour co-ordinated t-shirts. Canary yellow.
“ Nice T-shirts, easy to spot in the dark!” James sniggered. Fred and George twitched slightly but Fred replied in a dignified voice.
“It was the only fabric we could get in the Hufflepuff common room.” It was only now James’ side noticed the homemade quality of the t-shirts.
“Why do your shirts say FATEFUL FOES ??” James inquired.
“Because it’s our team name!” George replied proudly.
Sirius tugged on James’ sleeve and whispered urgently into his ear.
“James why don’t we have a team name? And t-shirts, I want t-shirts!” James rolled his eyes and directed his answer at Fred and George .
“Because we’re not lame.” And then aside to Sirius he said “Besides we went with dark colours boring but practical.”
“Like you Jamesie” He smirked. An uncomfortable silence followed.
“So we really don’t have a team name?” Lee asked disappointedly.
“No!” yelled James
“I think we should have a team name, who votes we have a team name?” said Sirius Everybody except James raised their hands.
“Fine undermine my authority, why don’t you?” Snarled James.
“Who votes we undermine James authority?” Everyone raised their hands once again.
“Who votes we have Sirius as leader?” Said Sirius. No one raised their hands. James smirked.
“But Hermione!” exclaimed Sirius “I gave you an apple!”
“Yeah but I’m just not comfortable having a leader who refers to himself in third person.” she said apologetically.


“Are you done yet!” Fred bellowed rudely. “We’d like to get this war started some time today.”
“Before my body I throw my warlike shield!” Yelled James passionately drawing his super-soaker two-thousand from its sheath at his back. The Fateful foes stared at him blankly.
“Uncultured swine” He muttered. Still no one moved.
“That means the war starts.” Sirius translated.
“Oh right. Bring it on!” Yelled the twins in unison.
The allies immediately bombarded the fateful foes with their paint filled missiles, obliterating the canary yellow of their t-shirts, unaffected by the dung bombs being thrown ineffectively in their direction. At the sight of the anticipated dung bombs James gave the signal and each of the allies pulled a scarf over their nose. At this point James lead the way towards Fred and George, Sirius followed behind him. Hermione, Lee and Lupin moved off to face the others.


Striding quickly Hermione was soon within range. Loading her catapult with maroon paint bomb she took careful aim towards the nearest opponent. Ron.
“Hermione we’re friends you wouldn’t!”
“Wouldn’t I ?”

BLAM!



Ron’s face was plastered with maroon paint that clashed horribly with his orange hair. Lee standing behind Hermione gave a yelp of laughter.
“Ha! In your face! Literally!” Outraged Ginny hobbled forward and lifted a paint bomb above her head.
“This is for Ronald!” She cried dramatically before tripping over her stilettos and paint bombing herself. Snape ran to Ginny’s side to try and help, where he was swiftly painted pink by Lupin. Spying Lupin’s victory James ran to his side.
“Thank you Lupin you have vanquished my most hated of foes!” Despite being semiconscious and smothered with paint Snape punched the air and looked vaguely honoured.
“I was talking about her!” Said James pointing at Ginny disdainfully, before removing her shoes and throwing them into the depths of the forbidden forest.

Meanwhile Hermione and Lee confronted their former friend Peter.
“But I thought we were friends” He shrieked cowering before them.
“That was before you betrayed us!” Replied Lee passionately.
“Which we really should of expected given hindsight.” Added Hermione reflectively. Next second Peter lay on the floor twitching in a pool of blue paint.

A little way away Sirius gave a shout of alarm and in seconds James was by his side facing Fred and George who had shiny new super soaker 2001.
“Where did you get those?” Exclaimed James.
“Draco’s father brought them for us.” Said George “Wait I mean Harry’s father.”
“What Harry used my own money to buy weapons to use against me?”
“Yeah pretty much”
“Where is the little shit, I’ll kill him!”
****

Meanwhile back in the Gryffindor common room, Harry was preparing for war.
“James!” He called up the spiral staircase “Sirius!” A long pause. “Lupin!”
“I’m ready to go to war now!”
“They’re long gone. What's the matter Harry?” Asked Lilly sympathetically. “What war? What has James done now!” Harry explained about Fred, George and the prank war, Lilly listened in concerned silence before heading off to the forest with Harry trailing in her wake.
****

Arriving just in time Lilly threw herself between the two warring factions.
“Stop. When will you people learn war is not the answer. Give peace a chance.” With careful movements she took the daisies from her hair and began to place them in the barrel of their super soakers. First she placed one in Sirius gun then turning to James she placed a flower in his saying.
“Give love a chance.” She lent forward and gave James a kiss before turning again and facing George.
“Give hope a chance.” Another gun successfully daisy plugged. Lastly she faced Fred.
“Give trust a chance.”

BLAM!


Lily fell to the floor, awash in a sea of red paint.
“NOOOOOOO!” Yelled James running forward and catching her in his arms. “Lily, Lily speak to me.”
“A plague, a plague on both your houses! Except ours.” She winked at James. James picked Lily up and carried back to the castle with the help of Lupin and Peter, while the others watched in silence.

“I think we have learned a valuable lesson here today.” Began Snape thoughtfully “We can never achieve anything through hate, forgiveness is the answer…” As he solemnly continued with his speech the visitors from the future slowly faded from reality one by one so that only Sirius and Snape remained.

****
Present day –12 Grimmauld place

With a clump the group arrived to their surprise at no.12 Grimmauld Place. Dusting himself off Lee said.
“God I hope we didn’t change anything in the future.”
Harry smiled grimly.
“Yeah a future where my mother, father and godfather are all dead, I live with my abusive relatives and the most evil wizard in the world wants to kill me, what a shame it’d be to change that.”
“What did you do?” asked Hermione suspiciously.
“I left a note for James.” said Harry smugly.
“Did you write that it wasn’t to be opened till 1985?” Asked Hermione innocently.
“No why would I ?”
“No reason. Come on Doc…I mean Lee.” They walked of singing a catchy theme tune. The others followed bemusedly in their wake.

Just as they approached the kitchen Mrs Weasley burst out , hitting Hermione in the head with the door. Hermione stumbled backwards into Lee. Mrs Weasley looked close to tears.
“Mum, what’s wrong?” Questioned Ron.
“Oh nothing.” She replied in a voice of false calm. “ Sirius and Severus are in the kitchen arguing as usual.”
Nervously the gang made their way into the kitchen ready for the fire works.
“And now we add the nutmeg.” Said Sirius
“ Its not nutmeg its cinnamon you add to apple pies.” Replied Snape.
“No its nutmeg.”
“No you’re thinking of custard tarts.”
“No, I’m sure its nutmeg in apple pies.”
“I think you’re mistaken.”
“Nah huh.”
“Yah huh.”

The children stood gob smacked .
“Wow I guess his speech about forgiveness was convincing.” whispered Ginny into the awed silence. Harry wondered what his note would have changed and whether his parents were alive. Fred wondered who had won the war and lamented the lack of a referee.






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