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Qualms of a Quaffle by Evil Otter

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,865

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Contains profanity, Mild violence

Genres: General
Characters: Harry, OtherCanon

First Published: 09/17/2015
Last Chapter: 09/23/2015
Last Updated: 09/23/2015


Now we hear from the Quaffle, which does nothing on its own, but still has a huge impact on the game.

Final Story in the Quidditch Trilogy

My stories will be moving to AO3 and other sites under the same penname.  

Chapter 1: In the name of Merlin, please have mercy!
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‘I think that I’m going to be sick!’

If I had guts I think that I probably would be puking them up right now as I am tossed back and forth between the players of this insane game. I am hurled through the air repeatedly and bashed frequently as they attempt to throw me through the hoop that the other team guards. While all of this is going on I’m also hoping to avoid collisions with the Bludgers that are sailing through the air as they try to interfere with the players.

‘Why is it that I am the one that is to suffer through all of this? Why couldn’t it be that bully the Bludger or sneaky Snitch? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?’

The game always starts the same, before the box is even open the Bludgers are discussing the attacks that they want to make. They don’t care about the clubs that the Beaters carry or the scuffs that they will sport when the game is over. It’s all that I listen to for days as I sit in the box locked in with two maniacs. There’s nowhere to run to and no chance of escape, I have to sit there and listen to it.

As bad as that is, the Snitch is even worse as he congratulates himself on the chase that he led them through.

‘Did I say that I think that I’m going to be sick?’

So he can fly unassisted and I have to be thrown, big deal! At least I don’t have to fly around on two little golden wings, I do have some pride! But as I said, the game always starts the same way. The box is opened and the Bludgers go sailing out, intent on murder and mayhem. Then the Snitch rushes out and has to perform his little aerobatic routine to impress everyone (he’s so stuck on himself). Finally, I get lifted out of the box and hurled into the air before being roughly seized by one of the students who have been waiting for my release.

‘And then the chase is on!‘

This time I’m being hurled back and forth as the teams in red and green battle over control of me which makes me extremely nervous. These teams hate each other and I know that I am in for some bumps and bangs which I hate. They really need to be a little more caring about the way that they handle me and bash me into the ground.

Right now the team in green is attempting to work me down the field towards the rings guarded by the red team. I find myself tucked under the arm of the player that has control of me and he races forward in an attempt to take me to the other team’s rings. He cuts suddenly to the left as a red player cuts him off and forces him back towards the center of the field. I am almost ready to count myself lucky that I have avoided injury when he suddenly hurls me towards a teammate.

I’m nearly into his hands when a player in red snatches me out of the air and races towards the opposite end of the field with the green team in pursuit. We’re nearly halfway down the field when the player who is carrying me has to suddenly dive to avoid the Bludger that just made a pass at his head. I don’t know about him, but I nearly lose my cookies. If I were able to I would climb out of the crook of his arm and crawl up as I pray that he doesn’t drop me. He abruptly goes into a steep zoom climb that would have made my eyes (if I had eyes) clinch shut in fright. The wild ride continues as he veers sharply to avoid another player from his team and then I find myself flying through the air as he hurls me to the other player who spurs on his broom to frightening (for me) speeds. Before I know it we are at the end of the pitch and, horror of horrors, he casts me out into the air in an attempt to score. I sail through the air and pass through the hoop before the player in green can stop me. The crowd in the stands roars either their pleasure or pain as the red team scores.

‘Did I say before he can stop me?’

I crash into the ground and lay there helplessly until I am picked up and sent back to the referee. Everything hurts and I’m certain that I have broken everything that I have, which isn’t much. Madam Hooch throws me back into the air and I am seized by a girl from the green team. She’s really rough with me as she tucks me under her arm as races towards the hoops defended by the boy with the red team. I find myself tossed through the air to a boy from the same team who pitches me towards one of the hoops in an attempt to score.


The boy defending the hoops bashes me backwards with a quick flip of his broom and I find myself arcing towards yet another impact with the ground. I am nearly there when a girl in red swoops down and seizes me at the last moment. I spy one of the Bludgers as it makes an attack on the girl who had caught me earlier. She dives and jinks in an attempt to avoid injury and finally manages to evade the crazed maniac that I have to share the box with.

Just once it might be fun to be able to fight back like the Bludgers can or be sought as highly as the Snitch is. Sure, they can score points with me, but only ten points at a time. But the Snitch (whoever thought of that name I don’t know) is worth one hundred and fifty points and ends the game. No, I just get thrown around and passed back and forth which makes me incredibly queasy.

‘Come on, someone catch that pompous little brat so they can stop throwing me around!’

Then, the unthinkable happens, the girl throws me to a teammate and as I make the nerve wracking transit a Bludger appears from nowhere and slams into me. I carom away on a wild tangent that will send me into one of the stands and bounce among the spectators dressed in yellow. The color is quite pretty and I wonder if they would ever consider making me yellow.

Just as I am coming to rest I am picked up by some great brute of a boy and hurled back out into the confusion. I recognize him as one who plays this game and has thrown me before. I wish that there was a way to get even with him for interrupting my moment of piece. I am caught on the fly by a boy in green and away we go again, back towards the rings of the red team. He surges forward and I know what is coming before it happens as he makes a horribly fast diving attack on the rings and hurls me at the target. The crowd in green roars its delight as I pass through the hoop.

Soon, I am in the air again and in the possession once more of the green team. The girl that is carrying me is suddenly pounced upon by two of the players from the red team and she frantically tries to throw me to a team mate. The other girl misses me and, thankfully, I am caught by the girl from the red team who scoots swiftly towards the green hoops. She pretends to throw me at one of the lower hoops which catches the defender off guard, but instead passes it to a boy who hurls me at the top ring. I pass through the ring, but not until after I bounce off of its rim and then drop straight downwards.

‘Someone save me please! I’m too young to die!’

I land in the sand at the bottom of the pole and am swiftly sent back to Madam Hooch, who promptly throws me back out to the players. This time the red team is in control of me and, as I am passed to another player, I am buzzed by the Snitch. A player in red, the boy with glasses, is hot on its tail and I pray that he catches it soon. They disappear into the swirling mass of red and green leaving me at the mercy of the others.

I would be trembling if I could as I am tossed to another player who throws me to another still. Hands reach out to attempt to grab me as I pass by them in my flight. For a moment I imagine that I am a Bludger and can just fly forever, but then gravity takes over and I begin my descent before I am grabbed. The girl who has me now is skimming along the ground, which is only a meter or so below us. If she crashes now I have no chance of escaping the collision with the earth. The risk pays off as she breaks free of the crowd and appears where the green team never expects her to be.

‘In the name of Merlin, please have mercy!’

My flight through the hoop this time is less traumatic as the green Keeper never has a chance to stop me. But again, I head for the ground and another scuff.

‘Someone please catch that damn Snitch!’

The red spectators are nearly hoarse from yelling their pleasure and those in green are looking more and more despondent as they get farther behind in points.

Now I am buzzed once again by the Snitch as both Seekers pursue it. The boy in red is slightly ahead of his opponent and is very close to success as the boy in green is forced to veer off to avoid collision with one of his teammates. This opens the field for the boy in red and he darts forward with his hand outstretched. Closer, closer and he has it! I watch the hand close around the Snitch as the crowd goes insane at the announcement that Gryffindor has won the game.

‘Oh, no! This is so going to hurt! Owww! I think that I’ve broken something else!’

In my joy that the game was over I had forgotten that I was being carried by a green player who reacted by hurling me directly at the ground as hard as he could in anger. I am soon being carried back to the box to be placed back in my bed. Those noisy Bludgers are tied in and the star of the show gets tucked into his warm little home. The lid of the box gets closed and I prepare myself for the insane chatter of the maniacs and the boasting of the brat.

‘Can someone get me something for my headache and some earmuffs?’