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An Irrevocably Lost Soul by maddyishere12345

Format: Novella
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 15,408
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Humor, Young Adult
Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Pansy, Fred, George, Ginny
Pairings: Draco/Hermione, Harry/Ginny

First Published: 07/10/2012
Last Chapter: 03/09/2013
Last Updated: 03/09/2013


A/N: previously titled "Lost In A Sea Of Darkness" 


 Hermione Granger is all alone. Ron and Harry are there, but they seem to have grown apart since the war. All three are heading back to Hogwarts to retake their seventh year. Hermione has reinvented herself; she doesn't want to be the know-it-all Gryffindor. But will a change in appearance help her forget? What happens when Hermione accidentely spills all of her secrets to Draco? The secrets no one else knows. She's an irrevocably lost soul. 

Chapter 1: Beautiful and she doesn't even see it.
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 Okay here we go Hermione. You can do this. Just walk up and knock. Alright, just do it! Ugh! Move your damn feet Hermione!
As I was sitting in front of the Burrow muttering to myself the internal fight I just had I heard someone call my name.
I turned around and saw Fred and George Weasley. I saw their mouths curve into huge smiles and all my past worries washed away. I ran to them and jumped up into Fred's open arms and he spun me around in one big circle. He set me down on my feet and I turned to George. I walked the few steps to him and jumped on him too. He was in the middle of giving me an airtight hug when the door to the Burrow opened again.
"What's all the racket?" asked Harry.
George let me out of his extremely tight hug and I turned to my best friend Harry.
"Hermione is that you?"
I smiled, "Of course Harry."
He broke into a giant grin and ran to me. He gave me a hug much like George's, but way tighter. I laughed and when he released from his hold I turned to find Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Ron, and Ginny. Ron looked dumbfounded and Ginny had a smile on her face.
"Close your mouth Ron, you'll catch flies." Ginny stated with a laugh.
Ron quickly closed his mouth and turned a light shade of red. I smiled and walked the few steps to hug him.
"I missed you Hermione." He whispered.
"I missed you too Ron."
"Well let's go eat some lunch, shall we?"
"Yes!" replied the twins in unison.
We all laughed and headed into the burrow for lunch.
"So Hermione, you look great!" stated Harry
There were a lot of 'yeahs' and a few whistles from the twins. I blushed a bit.
"Uh yeah, I decided I needed a change. I thought my appearance would be a good place to start."
"And you did a lovely job I might add." said George.
"Truly a wonderful job." Fred stated.
I blushed a darker red and laughed.
"What have you been doing this summer Hermione?" asked Ron.
"I went to America for a few months actually."
"That's sounds like a lot of fun! Is that where you got your gorgeous clothes?" Ginny asked. I laughed a bit at Ginny's obsession with clothes.
"Yeah most of them Gin."
"We should go together sometime then because you sure look amazing!"
I laughed. "Well enough about me what have you all been doing?"
Through the rest of lunch we talked about the twins joke shop, Harry and Ginny's relationship, and Ron's recent walk in with the quidditch team the Chudley cannons. After lunch was over we all cleaned up and walked up to our rooms. When I got to the bathroom I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. I really had changed a lot since the war. My hair finally went from a bushy mess to long wavy hair. I had dyed my hair so that it was its natural darker brown on top but faded into lighter brown until the bottom when it turned blonde. My hair cascaded three quarters of the way down my back. I had just enough color on my skin that I was tan. I was sill a mere five feet three inches, but you can't really change that. I had a petite and curvy body with long legs. I had filled out in the right places. I guess the curves and stuff had always been there, but the thing that changed is I learned how to show them off better. I got into the shower and thought about what I'd been through throughout the war. It's like the darkness never stopped after the war. Like it would follow me until I was completely lost and drowned in it. I quickly got out of the shower and changed into my pajamas. I was thankful that I had my own room. I didn't really feel like explaining why I drank half a bottle of firewhiskey before bed. When I was satisfied that I would be able to sleep a dreamless sleep I climbed into bed and did just that.
The next morning I woke up with a gigantic headache. I went into my bag and pulled out a vile that had a red potion on the inside. I noticed I was running low I would have to make some more. I dumped the vile down my throat and my headache instantly subsided. Perfect timing too because right then Molly Weasley was screaming up the stairs that we were going to be late. I pulled myself out of bed and got into the shower quickly I threw on a white sundress and closed up my trunk for Hogwarts and ran downstairs.
"You would think you kids would know by now that you can actually miss the Hogwarts Express!" Yelled Molly Weasley. I stifled a laugh and grabbed an apple. I walked outside with my trunk levitating behind me. Twenty minutes later we were all finally ready to go to the train station. When we arrived we did the usual run through the barrier and once I had ran through it I stopped. There was everyone running around like usual. The familiarity of it all was glorious. I was admiring everything when Ron must have ran through the barrier and knocked me over I was positive I was about to hit the ground when I felt strong hands around my waist. He sat me upright on my feet and I got a look at who he was. It was Draco Malfoy. Why would he save me? He gave my hand a squeeze and left. I watched him walk away utterly confused. Why did he do that? He has never been nice to me.
"I'm so sorry Hermione. I didn't mean too." Ron apologized.
"Don't worry Ron it was my fault I didn't move earlier. I was just taking in the scenery."
"Oh, well I'm still sorry. What was that with Malfoy? Why did he catch you?"
"I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure it out myself."
"Maybe he didn't recognize you. I don't think I would if i hadn't known you forever."
I laughed and took his suggestion into thought. "Yeah, you're probably right."
"Well what are guys waiting for?" Yelled Harry. He had a hold of Ginny's hand and I watched happily as he turned around and admired Ginny.
"Coming!" Me and Ron yelled at the same time.
We finally found and empty compartment and sat in it.
"So Hermione is there anything you want to tell us?"
I started to panic. How did they know? I didn't tell anyone!
"Woah, Hermione you okay?"
"Uh, yeah why wouldn't I be?"
"You looked like you were about to have a panic attack." Explained Harry.
Ha. If only they knew.
"Um, what were we talking about?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"We were wondering if you had anything you needed to tell us. You know Head Girl related." Ginny said with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh!," I laughed, of course," Yeah I did get Head girl, which reminds me I have to get headed to the Heads compartment. I'll see you guys at the Feast okay?"
There was a chorus of okay's and congratulations. Before I left Harry got up and hugged me.
"Thanks Harry." With that I walked out of the compartment in search of the Heads'.
As I walked out I couldn't help but notice the stares I was receiving. Didn't their parents teach them it was extremely rude to stare. After fifteen minutes of searching I finally found the correct compartment. To my surprise someone was already inside it. I would be able to recognize that platinum blonde hair anywhere. The head boy was no other than Mr. Draco Malfoy. Dammit.

I was sitting in the compartment thinking about the girl that I saved on the platform. Of course the idiot Weasel would knock over a beautiful girl like that. I couldn't help but find that girl familiar, but I couldn't place her. Maybe this year wasn't going to be so bad. I was about to walk out in search for this mystery girl when I saw her outside the compartment. She looked perplexed for some reason. I got up and opened the door.
"Do you need help?" I asked sounding sincere. She looked taken back by my question and I wondered why.
"Um no I'm fine, but is this the Heads compartment?"
"Yes, did someone send you down here?"
"No I'm actually the Head Girl."
My heart skipped a beat. How did she beat Granger out for Head Girl? She must be really smart.
"Here come on in."
When she passed me I smelt the familiar smell of vanilla and chocolate. That's when it clicked. I looked back at her as she was sitting down. I couldn't believe I didn't recognize her! Well I could believe I mean look at her she was truly beautiful now. She was pretty before, but she was beyond pretty now. I shook my head. I need stop thinking nice things about this girl.
She laughed and it was music to my ears, "I was wondering when you would figure it out."
"What do you mean?"
"Well you wouldn't just help a Mudblood like me from hitting the platform floor."
The way she said Mudblood made me flinch, but I recovered fairly quickly. Why was she so indifferent about it now? Was it my fault she just decided to except it? A wave of guilt came washing over me, but I made sure she didn't notice it.
"You're right, I wouldn't have." I said with my trade mark smirk.
She rolled her eyes and stared out the window. It was quite for a long time. Then Mcgonagall walked in and went through the routine of telling us our duties. Basically a prefect with our own quarters separate from our houses and we had more authority than prefects. For example, taking away or giving house points. Mcgonagall left and we were left in silence again. I was staring at Hermione wondering when she changed so much. Probably over the summer, but why? I don't know why I keep thinking about her she's a Mudblood I need not worry about her. She must have felt me staring at her because she turned around and gave me an annoyed expression. I smirked.
"What Malfoy?" She said exasperated.
"Just trying to figure out how you got Head Girl, you know being a Mudblood and all."
"Yeah, me too."
Her reply caught me off guard, but I didn't show it.
We sat in silence while I tried to figure out what she meant by that statement.
Out of the blue I heard her speak up. "Thanks by the way. You know for catching me."
"Like I said if I would have known it was the know-it-all Mudblood I wouldn't have."
She shrugged and I was kind of annoyed she wouldn't fight back. It's like I didn't even effect her anymore.
We sat in silence until Hogwarts and when we got out of the train she made her way up to the castle. I watched her walk away and I wondered why she was acting so different. Most of all I was wondering why I even cared.


A/N: Thanks for reading I really appreciate it. It will get better I promise! Sorry if you don't like the new Hermione. Constructive criticism would be cool. Once again thanks!

Chapter 2: And It All Came Crashing Down
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I think everyone here has a staring problem. At this point they're just blatantly staring at me. Which is rude I might add.



I was walking in the Great Hall for the Feast when I opened the doors and all sources of communication stopped. I abruptly stalled too; not even thinking that I was, in fact the reason conversations had been thrown out the window. Turning around I saw no one behind me. How odd everyone just stopped talking for nothing? Then the realization hit and I let out a groan, they stopped because I walked in. Well this is going to take some getting used too.




Ignoring all of the rude stares; I walked down the aisle with a purpose. One thing was running through my mind, get your ass in a seat. Of course lucky for me Harry, Ron, Ginny, and all my other friends chose seats all the way at other end of the hall. We're going to have to work on their convenience. After what felt like a millennium I sat down beside Harry.



"Geez, they're like vultures!" I yelled.


My friends snickered at my outburst.



"Why are you all laughing? This is serious! I cannot walk around this school with this happening any and every time I leave my room."



"You're probably just going to have to get used to it. You're beyond pretty now." Ginny said.




I reached across the table and punched her in the arm.




"Ouch! That hurt!"




"It was suppose to." I replied smugly.




After Mcgonagall finished the same speech as Dumbledore had for so many years, she moved onto sorting the first years. After that task was over and done with she started to announce the prefects.




"Ravenclaw: Luna Lovegood and Michael Corner. Hufflepuff: Hannah Abbott and Justin Flinch-Fletchley. Gryffindor: Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom. Slytherin: Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini." There was a thunderous applause from all of the houses.





"And may I announce our heads this year; Ms. Hermione Granger and Mr. Draco Malfoy, will you please join me at the podium?"






Blushing from the even louder outbursts from the children; I stood up and started to make my way towards Headmistress Mcgonagall. To my utter surprise and not to mention, discomfort, I could feel Malfoy's heated and deathly glare burning through my back. Annoyed by the fact that he was making me uncomfortable I turned around and sent my own glare. If looks could kill, Draco Malfoy would have a one way ticket to hell.







Before I turned back around I caught the smirk he plastered on his face, but from a look at his eyes I noticed a hint of surprise buried in his steely gray gaze. I had a distinct feeling he didn't want me to see that.







We finished our walk to Mcgonagall and she explained our, previously explained, duties to the rest of the school. To be completely honest, I stopped listening when she started to talk; which is totally un-Hermione-ish, but I couldn't help it. My mind was drifting to a blonde headed ferret. I was now completely aware that this man was vacating my thoughts more and more since I had seen him on the platform. Freaking-Draco-sodding-Malfoy was intruding in my thoughts. The world must be about to end, more likely that it's about to explode.






Pulling myself out of my horrendous thoughts of the boy I loathe; I noticed Mcgonagall had just finished her speech. About to take my first step back to the table Mcgonagall stopped Draco and I."Meet me outside the Great Hall doors after the feast and I will escort you to your common room."






We both nodded and walked back to our respective tables. The rest of the Feast was uneventful; the usual really. Ron was scarfing down his food, which I promptly reminded him time and time again that he was being a disgusting pig. I don't think he can help his unruly habits, but nevertheless, it was revolting. Harry and Ginny were all dough eyed, which now that I think about it was probably why Ron was shoving his food so far down his throat he was going to affixiate. Still no excuse to his manners, but an explanation is still better than assuming the man is just a cow. Everyone finished their meals and we walked out in a group; me, stopping at the doors to wait for Malfoy and Mcgonagall.







The two finally arrived and we walked to a part of the castle I had never ventured before; which is quite surprising considering I am friends with Harry Potter. You'd think I knew the castle inside and out, apparently not. Mcgonagall stopped in front of a portrait of a man who was very handsome.







"Well here is where I leave you make a password and I hope you approve of your new rooms." Then the Headmistress was gone.
After awhile of hesitation I asked Malfoy in an incredulous tone, "Well, are we going to stand here all night?"






He looked back at me and gave me his God awful smirk. "Granger you're getting quite feisty these days aren't you."







"Oh shut it you prat. What do you want the password to be. Nothing too revolting I already have to deal with your face on a daily basis."






"Whatever Mudblood."






I shrugged, but when I looked back at him waiting for a password to escape his lips, he looked shocked. When he noticed I was looking his blank and bored expression returned. I stifled a giggle and turned back to the portrait.





"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing of importance. Although the only thing I can see that is of least importance here is you, so I might need to change my answer." I gave him a wink and laughed a bit.





Completely giving up on the idea of him giving a password, I started to think of one my own.





"Since you can't seem to come up with a password on your own, which I totally understand considering your below average thinking space up there, how about infinite?"







Looking over at the blonde I noticed he was a little angry; probably because I had insulted him twice in the past minute, but who am I to guess what goes on in the kids head?






"Whatever that's fine."






"Alrighty then. Sir?" I spoke to the handsome man in the portrait.






"Ah yes, Ms. Granger how lovely to see you. You're looking ravishing these days."





"Oh well, thank you. That's much appreciated. We've decided our password will be infinite."







"How curious. Very well, welcome to your new living space." The man opened up the portrait and Malfoy and I stepped into the ridiculously large living quarters.










It was beautiful, the common room was gigantic. The room literally took my breath away; with a fire and a multitude of couches and love seats. The colors of the room mixed gold and silver with swirls of green and scarlet. There was a mini kitchen placed in the corner of the room. Off to the right and left was two stairwells; leading to each of our rooms I would assume. Walking up to the stairwell on the right I noticed the carpet on the stairs alternated between gold and scarlet. That one obviously led to my room; I walked up the stairs and, apprehensively, opened the door with my name plastered on the door.








Surprised is an understatement to what I felt; the whole entire room was white, with large blocks everywhere. You've got to be kidding me. Not even a defined bed. Thanks Mcgonagall. Stepping into the room I almost screamed; as soon as my shoe had hit the floor it turned into a beautiful mahogany wood floor. Then it came to me; I had to touch everything and it would turn to my liking. Duh Hermione. I mentally scolded myself. More than excited now I moved around the room and touched everything.







Colors of brown and light blue covered the walls in intricate designs. My bed was a queen sized with a beautiful white down comforter. As I finished that task I pulled out my trunk. Setting in on my bed I began to unpack my now extensive amount of clothes. I'm so glad Mcgonagall decided on letting seventh years not use their robes and dress in normal clothes.








After I was finished with clothes I magically placed all my school supplies neatly on my giant desk. Lastly, I pulled out my twinkling lights and papers of quotes, notes, and my drawings. Swiftly moving my wand they all flew up onto my wall, a nice collage of sorts. I stepped back and examined my handiwork.







Giving myself a pat on the back I pulled my laptop out of my trunk and set it on the desk. They're not allowed at Hogwarts, but what they don't know won't hurt them. Changing into comfier clothes I threw on some yoga pants and a sweatshirt that I got in America from Cocoa Beach. I threw my hair up into a messy bun with tendrils of hair falling around my face. I flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. Unknowingly I started humming a muggle song without a care in the world. Not even Malfoy could ruin my mood.







As if I had summoned him he knocked on my door. Malfoy you sodding prick. Can't leave me alone in peace for fifteen minutes.


Dumbfounded that the Mudblood insulted me twice I walked into the common room; it was extravagant of course, but nothing I didn't expect. I watched Hermione as she stood in awe, probably wasn't used to the sight of nice things. Although as I looked at her I felt my stomach flip. Woah, what was that. That needs to stop this minute.






Taking the opposite staircase than Hermione; I saw my name plastered on the door. To my utmost surprise I walked in and saw complete white. Stepping into the room I figured it out, I need to touch everything so it will turn into what I find appealing. Which isn't much, now that I think about it. By the time I was done the room was green and silver. Obviously, Slytherin pride. Eyeing the bed across the room I looked at the black silk sheets I jumped into the bed and felt like I was in heaven. This has to be the most comfy bed ever, even when compared to my own at the manor. Reluctantly pulling myself out of bed I walked and threw on a grey t-shirt and black sweatpants. That's when I heard it.








How peculiar, where is that sound coming from? Looking across the room I saw another door. Probably the bathroom. Curious, I strode over to it and opened it. It was almost bigger than the prefect bathroom. I'll be using that tub often. Looking to my right I saw another door, that's when it clicked. One bathroom. Great. While contemplating the bathroom schedule I was pulled out of my thoughts by the singing again. It had gotten louder since I had moved to the bathroom.








Slowly moving towards the door, I finally realized it was Granger. Wow, she has a pretty voice. Stopping myself in my tracks I thought again. Why do nice things keep popping into my head about this girl! She's nothing special, especially to me! Shaking my head I pulled myself out of my trance. I caught a glimpse of the time. Shit! Granger and I have ten minutes to go out on patrol.


Begrudgingly walking out of my room and towards Granger's; I heard her start humming again. It was so entrancing I think she was a siren in another life. It's almost like her voice was pulling me to her door. When I finally arrived I knocked on her door. The door swung open a minute later to reveal Hermione. She looks good even when isn't trying to! Bloody hell!







Trying to make myself look bored I told her, "We're going to be late for patrols. They're in six minutes."






Her eyes widened at the fact. She must have forgot about it. Rushing around her room looking for something I waited.








"Granger anytime today would be good."





"Dammit Malfoy just shut up for a second."





That fact that she had the nerve to talk to me like that baffling.





"Ha! Found them."






Looking over to her I noticed she was talking about a light blue pair of tennis shoes.






"Are you finally ready?" I asked impatient.





"Yes, geez what's got your wand in a knot."






"Well we're only going to be late for our first patrol as Heads."





"Didn't know you, Malfoy out of all people, would be one for punctuality. You seem more like the guy to make a girl wait for an hour before showing up."






"Looks like you can't judge a book by it's cover than can you Mudblood."I added a sneer for full affect.







I couldn't understand why, but it bothered me tremendously knowing I couldn't get under her skin anymore; even with the loathed word 'Mudblood'. I think it irked me more that she got under mine when I didn't for her. Oh how the tables have turned. Wonderful.







"Yeah, maybe you're right." She added looking deep in thought.







"What do you mean." We had started our patrols finally. It's weird; I didn't even remember leaving her room.






"Exactly what you said, maybe I shouldn't judge, get to know the contents of the person."







Taken back by her agreement, I just nodded.





Her voice caught me off guard when she spoke again.






"So Malfoy would you want me to keep judging or will you let me look at the contents?"
I was so surprised I didn't realize I had halted.






"Um, well I don't see why you would want too."






"You suggested it, I was just wondering if you wanted me to go through with it."






Bringing myself back to Earth I answered.








"I have enough friends Granger. I especially don't need a Mudblood either."





"Okay fine with me. I was just giving you a chance."





Why won't she argue back with me. It's absurd! It's what we do!




We finished patrols in silence.


"Infinite." I stated. The portrait door swung open.




Walking to our respected rooms, Hermione's voice caught me off guard.



"I know you probably don't care, but goodnight Malfoy."




I stood there surprised and watched as she walked up the stairs.
Goodnight Granger. I couldn't say the words aloud. 




I wasn't completely ready for bed so I grabbed my book and sat on the couch. Sipping on the coffee I made; I heard Hermione's door open. Stopping my reading to see if she was coming down; I waited. Her steps could be heard, they sounded slow and unsure. I finally saw her when she got to the final step. She looked like hell.






"Geez Granger, what happened to you? You look more horrible than usual."






"Thanks Malfoy didn't know you could be such a gentleman." She slurred. Then I realized she was almost drunk. Almost. I could tell by her still witty sarcastic remarks.








"Woah, Granger mind sharing why you're almost plastered?"







"Actually Malfoy I was wondering if you would help me. I know you probably won't, considering me being a Mudblood, but do you have anymore Firewhiskey? Since I'm not totally wasted I would like to achieve the full status of it."





My eyes widened a bit. Did Hermione Granger, goody two shoes, know-it-all, gryffindork just ask me for alcohol?





"As a matter of fact I do. You can only have some though if you tell why you're goody two shoes self needs it."





"Let's just say it's exactly what the doctor prescribed." She said with a hint of a smile.






"Got a note for that answer?" I said with a smirk.






"Yeah, but I must have misplaced it in the other place where I put stuff the I don't give a shit about, the trash."





Ugh why doesn't she get mad! She only throws out better comments!





"Why don't you argue back? No yelling, no tears, no nothing! All you throw back are comments that leave me infuriated and you don't care one bit."





"I don't know Malfoy maybe it's because we don't all live in the childish world of back and forth comments. Grow up."






"Please Granger, you're different. You may have everyone else fooled, but not me. What happened the perfect life of Hermione Granger isn't going as great as she expected? Honestly, do you think anyone cares? Your life will always be ten times better then everybody else's. Compared to the rest of us your problems are minuscule! Don't act like your life isn't perfect!" I snapped.






That's when I noticed somewhere along the lines of my rant she had become almost unfathomably angry.





"Because the Malfoy's life aren't easy at all. You're an insufferable git. Just because you were all lost and lonely during the war doesn't make your life miserable now. News flash everyone was lost and miserable during the war! Stop throwing yourself a fucking pity party. Some people have it way worst than you."





I had gotten the reaction I wanted out of her. What I didn't know though was when I did, I was going to go mad with rage.





"Oh because you're one of them! Please, your life is a walk in the park compared to mine! You don't get ridiculed everyday for being on the wrong side of the war. Ridiculed for living through the events of it. You didn't sit in a giant manor all alone watching your mother drink away her sorrows! You think you know it all, but you don't!" I screamed.






"Oh because that's so hard."she said in a substantially calmer voice that was even more sinister than her yelling. "Because that is such a tragedy. Malfoy if you think you could take my life and live an easy one you obviously don't know me at all. I won't blame you though nobody really knows my life these days. Out of everyone you definitely wouldn't."





"Granger shut up. Your life is great and you know it. You have friends who care about you. Parents who probably adore you. And a life I would probably envy if you weren't a mudblood."

I saw her rage come back as I said those words. I was a little scared for my life at the moment. I was surprised to hear her voice come out low, but menacing.






"Yeah, because you would envy my life. I have best friends you leave me out of the group now that they don't need my intelligence. I have a family who hates me and left me on my own for keeping them safe during the war. I have parents who didn't even believe me when I told them I was raped right after the war. Yes, Malfoy my life is perfect. How much do you want it now. On top of all that I'm a Mudblood, the lower than low. How would you like to have my life Malfoy. The life where at night I have to drink at least half a bottle of Firewhiskey to keep dreams of me being raped in a closet or your horrid aunt torturing me for hours on end. So Malfoy is my life perfect now? Are you still envious?"




I sat there and gaped at her. My mouth couldn't form words for what she just told me.





"Whatever Malfoy. Don't talk to me anymore. I don't care if you think it's necessary or not. Just don't. Forget the Firewhiskey I'll figure out a spell or something." With that I watched her climb the steps slowly, but surly. Stumbling multiple times.






I heard her door close and let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding in.




My brain started throwing things out of it like rapid fire.






Dammit Draco you bloody git! Why did you go and say all that stuff? Had to go and get a reaction! You sorry ass prick. I can't believe she just told me all of that. She must have been really mad. From what I can tell I was the first person she told about these events. Where has she been living? What had she been doing? Ugh! I just had to go and push her over the edge. You know it's odd she didn't cry at all when admitting any of that. That's odd. I think I would have even cried if all that was happening with my life.







I got up from the couch fully intent on going to my own room, but when it came time to choose which staircase I found myself climbing the stairs with the scarlet and gold carpeting. I noticed I had knocked on her door.







"Go away Malfoy. I mean it." I heard muffled through the doorway.








"Granger I'm coming in whether you like it or not."






"Malfoy you step one foot in this room. I will Avada Kedavra your ass. I can promise you that."




I hulted in my steps, knowing she was completely serious. I barged through the doors anyway.







"Malfoy I told you. Get your ass out of my room."




"I'm calling your bluff Granger."






"You of all people should know that is an awful idea Malfoy."






"Then do it. Kill me." When seconds passed to minutes and no movements appeared from her. I inched closer to her bed where she was lying. I finally made it to her bed. I slowly took a seat waiting for rejections. There was none.





"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.





"Not entirely, but I mean I blurted it out so I guess I should tell you.




"You don't have to; believe me I know what things are like against your will."




"That makes two of us."





I flinched at the double meaning of her words.






"Why do you talk like that?" I asked.






"Like what?"







"Completely unfazed. Like your life is swell and dandy."







"I don't know I ponder that sometimes too. I think it's because it's easier if I'm cynical about it. About life in general really."







"Now that I think about it; I haven't heard you say one not sarcastic remark since I've been around you, I should have noticed."







"Well you noticed I was different besides the obvious changes. That counts for something."






Silence followed. She broke it first.



"You know that's why I changed so drastically."




"What do you mean?"




"People notice something different about you, but if you change so much they can't pinpoint it. They chalk it up to the obvious."






"That actually is a pretty good idea. Maybe I should try it." I joked a bit.








"I don't think it would work for you. Your ego would throw everyone off." She said with a smile.







"There it is." I laughed. She playfully punched me in the arm. "You know if you want to talk ever. I'll be here."








"Draco Malfoy helping a Mudblood like me? How insane. Is this an alternate universe?"








"I'm starting to believe so. You know you should stop calling yourself a Mudblood."







"Why? You call me that. Besides it's the least of my worries these days. That's why I don't care if you call me it I think."








"Well i'll stop if you do."








"I don't know I'm growing fonder of the name." She joked. I just sat there with a frown on my face.








"Is that my fault?" I asked







"Maybe, I don't know. Maybe it's just because my life exploded and there are things bigger than that. I'm not sure."














"It's alright. it's really not my first priority. You know Malfoy, I like getting to know the contents of your novel. It shows me maybe I was wrong about it all."







Baffled she even admitted that. I just nodded. We sat in silence for a long time. Out of nowhere she spoke again.







"They were already mad at me for trying to save them. They didn't see it that way of course. They said I 'took there life away and that was their right.' If they wanted to die why didn't they just tell me so? I couldn't get it through their heads."







"What did you do to try to save them?"









"Oh yeah I forgot I didn't tell you that part. Um, I got rid of myself from their lives. Took myself out of the picture and sent them to Australia. Just so they would be safe. But no they didn't see it that way. They said I stole their life away. I was just protecting them. Don't they understand how much it hurt to do that to them myself?" After a pause she added, "Obviously not."







It was all sinking in. That must have been awful taking yourself from your own parents life. Hermione was stronger than I thought.









"So the war ends and I go looking for them, two weeks of looking and I finally find them and restore their memories. I bring them home and they won't even speak to me; like they resent me for helping reserve their lives. Nope, it was all resentment for ruining their lives. Then I told them what happened and they didn't believe me. They said I was just looking for attention. I woke up the next morning and everything was gone. I guess they had enough of me; so they up and left. No note or anything. I left soon after that. Packing all my valuables and went to America. Changed my look and here we are."







I just stared at her. How could she have gone through that on her own?








"Why didn't you tell your friends?"





She gave a half-hearted laugh,"I felt bad they had finally gotten through the war and I would bring the darkness back to them. I couldn't let them be brought down by the darkness like I was. Then they stopped including me in everything. It hurt , my 'bestfriends' didn't need me anymore; so they dopped me on the side of the road. Figuritvely of course."





Long moments of silence ensued.







"I'm not happy anymore, everyone took it away."








I felt guilty I was part of the reason she was so unhappy. My comments about her probably didn't help her to any extent at all.








"Draco?" I was taken aback by her calling me by my first name, but i liked the way it sounded when she said it.







"Yeah?" I whispered.







"I'm so tired."







I knew what she meant. She was tired of everything in her life. Kind of like I was. I could only imagine how much worst her emptiness felt compared to mine.








"I know."I whispered, "I know."









She laid her head on my shoulder and I wrapped an arm around her as I rocked back and forth. Her breathing began to even and I laid her down on the bed. As I was pulling the covers around her I heard her whisper, "Thank you, Draco."







I gave her a smile and she closed her eyes again. Walking to the door, I turned out the lights. Before I fully shut the door I said in a voice barely audible, "Goodnight Hermione."








A/N: Hey guys hope you liked this chapter!  Reviews would be much appreciated :) Sorry if my sentence structure is off sometimes and everything sounds weird; I'm trying to work on it. Anyway once again, hope you liked it. I'm not much of writer, but thought I would go for it anyways. Any ideas or rants; feel free to write me right away. Update will be soon. Thanks! 

Chapter 3: He Needs His Very Own Spot, in the Deepest Depths of Hell.
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Dreams can mean anything depending on how you look at them. They can be memories, hopes, changes, or aspirations; anything. See, I can’t remember the last time I had a dream. Now don’t take that the wrong way; technically I ‘dream’ every night. But to understand what I’m talking about you have to be familiarized with dream categories.  Say there is a bundle of grapes in your refrigerator. While eating them you always notice that there are some substantially better than others. There are the perfectly ripe, juicy, big, and vibrant ones that, no matter who you are, give your tastebuds a shock of pure elation. Those are the happy go lucky, hopes, and aspirations dreams. What makes those delightful grapes superior is the taste of the utterly lowest standard. See those types are always in the bag, somewhere. Just like in life, the worst will always show face at some point. The shriveling, squishy, and rotten grapes that you never eat, but toss in the garbage, are the worst of the brunt. These god-awful round fruit can only be compared to the most vicious, vile, and wicked of dreams. Dreams of this caliber have their own name.




Those are what I try to escape every night. Ever since my life went to shit, that’s what I’m running from. It’s the hardest to accomplish because you can’t run from sleep; most importantly, you can’t run from yourself. There is no way to run from your very own brain. It just can’t be done.


            The difference between my bundle of grapes and my dreams are you can’t pick and choose. I can toss a bad grape. No matter how hard I try, there is no way I can throw my own nightmares out.


My solution?


Drink. A lot.


            Subdue the nightmares in any way possible. If I’m going to be forced to have them then they’re going to be hazy and blurred. Just barely able to feel like I’m in whatever horrid contorted memory comes to me, until I drift into a deep enough abyss of darkness where not even the nightmares can find me.


So I drink.


Every night.


            I’m sure your thinking why not a Dreamless Draught? Or some other potion of the same affect? I’ve tried, believe me. It seems that being dreamless just isn’t something my body is going to commit to. So my brain makes sure to send the twisted dreams into my subconscious anyway, where I wake up to my own ear shattering screams. Like I said, you can’t escape a dream. Unless you wake up of course.  I’ve learned what dreams to wake myself up to and which ones to fight my way through. You choose what battles you fight right?


            Well, where my screams were taking me tonight, I made a decision to not fight. I wake up with a jolt. Apparently, my brain didn’t agree with my body about playing battle because I kicked off the bed and went to the floor.


Damn, that hurt.


            I slowly sit up and sharp stabs of pain shoot through my back and head.


Stupid nightmares making me feel pain after I wake up. I just can’t seem to win!


            Climbing back under my heavy covers; I stare at the ceiling. Recollection of last nights events wash through me. Audibly, I groan and kick my foot board.


“Dammit!”  I yell when my foot finds out how hard my footboard actually is. I make a note to myself that footboards are deceiving and to refrain from kicking them in the future.


            Jumping out of bed I head to the bathrooms that, now that I’ve seen it, realize that I share with the Slytherin. Locking the doors and turning the water on along with my music, I climb in the shower. As I sing to the soft strums of the guitar my mind wonders to what on Earth I’ve got myself into with Malfoy.  He seemed okay last night, but I doubt he is just going to stop being an arrogant prat to me because of it. Malfoy is a Malfoy and they don’t show compassion. Superiority is what dominates their feeling compass, and I couldn’t care less. The only thing I have my doubts about is the fact that now he’s got my secrets. For that reason alone I need to ease up on my attitude towards him. I decide at the end of this next song I will get out of the shower. So I spend the next two and a half minutes singing along with tunes.




            Jumping at the yell of what I would assume was Hermione’s newly found foul mouth; I am pulled from my sleep. Deciding she’s probably alright in there since I haven’t heard anything since, I lay in my silk sheets. Relaxing there, I am lured back into the memories of the confessions I heard last from the Gryffindor Princess.


Looks like I’m gonna have to stop calling her that now. Her life is obviously the total opposite of a princess.


Lying there, I try and figure out how I’m going to go about this new Granger situation. There are a couple ways:


1.      Pretend none of it happened and be mean as ever.

2.      Be mean to her outside the times when we’re alone.

3.      Ignore her completely

4.      Be as nice as a Malfoy can to someone of such a low status


At the moment just being civil with her in the common rooms and maybe toning down how mean I am to her outside of this vicinity seems like a solid choice. Looking back over my choices, I notice that the one I chose wasn’t even one I had thought about previously. 


I’m pulled out of my thoughts when I hear it again. A voice that could lure me back to sleep again with its soft tones of soprano.


She must be singing in the shower. If that’s the voice I hear every morning I might become a morning person.


Her voice really is beautiful. It’s elegant and full of grace. God knows that’s where her grace comes to an abrupt halt because Granger is clumsier than a clown. Something she should spend some time working on.


The soft lyrics I heard coming from the bathroom stop and, disappointedly, so does her voice. She must be done. Walking to the bathroom to take my turn in the shower, my mind wanders back to Granger. That girl will be the end of me if my thoughts don’t proceed to go elsewhere. Of course that thought only brings up more about the girl in question.


Great, now I’m suicidal. Merlin help me now.


In the shower my thoughts take me to her singing. It’s weird that she sounds so innocent and pure when she sings, but when it stops she’s drowning in her own personal darkness. Her very own Hell. Maybe that’s why she sings, I think to myself. I finish up in the shower and return to my room to get ready. When walking out of the bathroom I hear her down in the common room humming another tune.


Her voice really is soothing. I could listen to it all day.


Wait, what?




            Downstairs I’m making hot chocolate, it soothes my body. I’ve never been one for coffee unless it was the fancy overly priced kind.


            Of course.


            I leave the mini stove on low to keep the water heated just incase Malfoy wants some for coffee or hot chocolate. Maybe one nice thing a day will make my secret safe.


            It’s worth a shot.


            Malfoy thuds down his staircase and I think only one thing:


            Shit, he isn’t a morning person. This is going to be hell.


            Sitting down on a fluffy couch I set my hot chocolate on the side table and sit on the couch. Upside down. You know? When your legs are where your back should go and your head is hanging off where your knees usually rest. That’s what I do. I stare at the ceiling as I welcome the feeling of blood rushing to my head. Closing my eyes for a minute or so I hear feet make their way to me; finally I open my eyes when they never retreat. What I see scares the hell out of me. Malfoy’s head is directly level with mine as he bends down and stares at me with curiosity written on his face.


            “Jesus Malfoy! You scared the shit out of me. Why did you do that?”


            “What are you doing?” He ignores my question.


            “Lying down, what does it look like? “


            “You’re going insane aren’t you? You know you’re sitting on the couch upside down right?”


            I glare at him,” I’m aware. I think better this way.” I say truthfully.


            “What is it you’re thinking about if I might ask.”


            “Whether or not you’re going to keep my secrets or be an asshole as usual.” I bluntly spit out.


            No use trying to hide it.



            Alrighty then. Looks like that’s how this conversation is going to start.


            “Uh, alright. Well as for the secrets thing I’m not telling anyone don’t worry about that. I’m not even that heartless.”


            When I glance at her she is wearing a face that clearly says, “I beg to differ.” As if on que she says,

            “I beg to differ,”


            Called it.


            “Well I’m not, so you know.”


            “Thanks that’s refreshing to know. By the way, we’re still being rude to each other right?”


            It’s odd; the look on her face resembles that of hope.


            I give her a quizzical look and say,” I was planning on it I guess.”


            She looks relieved. “Oh good, I found that making fun of you sometimes releases some of my aggression.” She pauses,” Oh my God Malfoy, you’re therapeutic for me!”


            Is she joking?


            “Uh, okay?”


            She pulls herself up and I notice what she’s wearing.




She has on this high wasted blue skirt that kind flares out and hits just above mid thigh. It has these subtle orange and red triangles all over it. Her top is a solid light blue button up flannel that she tied the ends around the waist of the skirt. I look to her face and notice the littlest bit of makeup just to accent a couple features. Finally, I notice her hair; and wow is it gorgeous. It’s long and the first time I’ve seen it down. The ends are curled a bit so they’re super loose ringlets. She looks really good.


Damn, she sure is making it hard not to think about her.


“Malfoy!” Granger yells. Pulling myself out of my daydream I see she is snapping her fingers in front of me.




“Geez, took you long enough. I left some hot water on the stove for coffee or hot chocolate or whatever you want.”


“Oh, thanks.”


“No problem. I made hot chocolate earlier.”


“What’s hot chocolate?”


“Seriously?” When I don’t answer she continues. “It’s great do you want to try some?”


“Sure, I guess.”


I watch as she goes to the kitchen and puts some light brown powder in a mug and dumps some water in it.


“Here, I only made a little so if you don’t like it you can have coffee or tea.”


Apprehensively, I take a slow sip. It tastes chocolatey which is great. I like it. A lot.


“It’s surprisingly good. Can you make me more?”


She smiles and I notice how white and straight her teeth have become. “Sure, here I’ll show you so you can make it on your own sometime.”


I follow her further into the kitchen.


“Okay, first, you warm up the water on the stove. I trust you know how to do that?” She asks with a subtle smirk.


I smirk right back and reply,” As a matter of fact, I do.” I walk closer to her and sit on the counter beside the stove.


Smiling again she continues,” Second you grab a mug and rip open this package and dump it in the cup. When the water is done you pour it in and stir them together. Voilà, you have a chocolaty delight. There is another way to make it too. It’s from scratch, it tastes a hundred times better, but is a long, tedious task. Maybe I will make it for you one day when you aren’t being a total jerk.” She gives a wink to imply she’s kidding.


            I jump off the counter and end up a tiny bit closer to her, I inhale and smell the sweet smell of vanilla and heavenly chocolate. Taking the cup from her hands, I laugh,” Sounds good to me.”


“I’m going to breakfast are you coming or are we not talking to each other when people see us?”


“Um,” I hesitate.


“Civil in the common room only it is then. I’ll see you later Malfoy.”


She walks to the door with her back pack and I watch as she pulls her mildly used navy vans on over her long white socks that she pushed down right before her ankles. You would think she looked weird and like a child, but it looked quite good actually. Plus, it gave her a ‘Bitch to me about my look if you dare’ kinda vibe. I don’t know why, it just did. Watching her walk out of the room sent a pang of guilt into my chest. I shrugged it off and headed to breakfast. By myself.



When I get to the Great Hall I take my seat beside Blaise. He nods his head towards me and I nod mine back. I scan the room, until my eyes land on her, I didn’t know I was looking for her. Staring at her awhile I notice she doesn’t talk at all. Maybe it’s not her fault though; Potty and Weasel seem to be in their own world with themselves.


Like she explained last night.


Looking back at my plate I told myself not to worry about it. She can handle it. Sure enough, two minutes later my eyes are back on her. I find myself analyzing her actions, she looks at her food, but never once does she eat it. Quickly, I pull my eyes off her. Again.


Stop it man!


Glancing around the room I see several boys looking at the Gryffindor table. All of them, are looking at Granger. She doesn’t even realize the attention she’s receiving!


Then again, I don’t think I would either if I had to think about the things she does.


My stomach gives and involuntary lurch as I think about probably, the worst night of her life.


“Ladies and Gentleman!” McGonagall says in an amplified voice. Everyone moves their attention to the Headmistress. Except a long haired brunette, that I can’t seem to stop looking at. She keeps her head down the whole speech. It was something about a new kid yada, yada then make him feel at home. 


“Please welcome, Jacob Eddings.” People clapped and girls swooned. All I seemed to notice though was the automatic shift in Granger’s posture when she heard his name. I squinted at her as if that way I could see her thoughts.  They sorted the kid and the hat yelled out, “Slytherin.” Everyone clapped besides Granger and I. Keeping my gaze on her I vaguely noted that Headmistress said head boy and head girl.


“Hermione Granger is Head girl Jacob, and Draco Malfoy is Head boy.”


Shifting my gaze to him to see his reaction, I didn’t miss the sly smile he gave Granger across the hall. Rapidly, I moved by gaze back to her she looked like she was going to be sick. I watched as she excused herself and ran/speed walked out of the hall. Jack or whatever quickly said goodbye and left the hall too.


Stay out of it Malfoy. She can handle herself. She’s got this. It’s not your job.


I try and assure myself, but after seven minutes I excuse myself and reluctantly head off to find them.





            Those four words brought my world crashing down. Again.


            He can’t be here! He wasn’t even supposed to be a wizard for crying out loud. I guess it’s only adequate he was put in Slytherin, the conniving little bastard.


            Jacob Eddings has jet black hair and tan skin. His eyes are almost black, I’m convinced it radiates his black soul. I hope they give him his own personal hell right in the depths, that’s where he belongs.


            Fucking asshole. He’s worst than Malfoy!


            I’m getting myself too worked up; I can feel a panic attack coming. I don’t need to be fainting anytime today. Those are questions I don’t want to answer. As I run through the hallways, I frantically look for a place to hide. When I decide I’m probably far enough away I turn the corner and lean against the rough, rocky stone. Slowly, I try and catch my breath and pull myself together. That’s when I hear footsteps coming near. As I sit there I hope that it’s just Harry and Ron, but as luck would have it Jacob walks right around the corner with and all too knowing smirk. Just the look of him is revolting; I noticeably stiffen when he walks closer to me and he smiles. Smiles!


            He’s like Satan’s Spawn!


            “Hey Hermione, long time no see.” He adds a wink because I’m convinced he knows I want to vomit right now.


            “What are you doing here?” I snap with a lot more courage than I currently feel.


            “I’m a wizard obviously. Looks like we have a lot more in common than you previously thought.”


“Oh yeah, you and I are just radiating similarities.” I deadpan.  


            “Let’s not get to feisty; we both know where that got us last time.” He flashes a smug smirk.


            At the mention of our last encounter I start to panic again. Jacob must notice because he inches closer to me. When he leans into me I stop all future movements. I’m definitely not even going to accidentally bump into this git.


            He is a mere centimeters away from my face when he moves his hand to the hair flowing down over my ear. Pushing the curls behind my ear I feel his hot repulsive breath on my ear. Then I feel his mouth inch closer until I can just barely feel them on my skin. At this point my heart has come to a complete stop; I’m not really sure how I’m alive right now.


            He whispers in my ear, “I’ll be back later.” He pushes away from me and walks through the halls with the ever knowing smirk played on his lips.


            Like a true Slytherin. I tell myself bitterly.


            Then I don’t think or say anything. In another life I must’ve pissed someone off to get my life now. Sliding down the wall I stare at the window across from me.





            Wondering the halls I can’t seem to find them.


            Where the hell did they go?


            Panic starts to rise in me and I’m not sure why. It’s just Granger right?


            Finally, and to my relief, I hear footsteps. I’m expecting to see Granger, but I see Jack or Jacob. He’s wearing a smirk I know all to well, I invented that smirk.


            “Hey man.” This kid says. He gives off a weird vibe, but he’s Slytherin so I respond.




            Just like that he walks off. I presume walking the halls in search of Granger. A little ways down the hallway I see around the corner the ends of her hair that are blonde and loosely curled. Peeking around the corner I see her slid down the wall. She looks pained; and briefly, I wish I could take the pain from her soul.


            I watch her as she stares out the window, she makes no movements; just stares. I take a few steps closer to her and she doesn’t even glance in my direction. After a few minutes, when she shows no sign of moving I sit down next to her. We sat there for, I don’t how long, but it was a long time then she broke the silence.


            “It’s odd isn’t it?” Her voice startled me a bit, but I waited for her to continue.

            “It’s odd that as many times as I explore, get lost, and sneak around this castle I always find a new place I haven’t seen. I’ve never once seen this window and it gives the perfect view of the Forbidden Forest. It almost looks not so forbidden at this time of day.”


            She must be going insane. After a minute or two I answer her with a simple, “I guess so.”


            “You hungry?” She asks. As if on que my stomach grumbles. I look up at her and she gives a small smile. “Come on let’s go to the kitchens, yeah?”


            Contemplating her request I figure why not? Everyone else is in class. I stand up and give her my hand to help her up off the floor.


            “Wow Malfoy, look at you being all gentleman-like! I’m swooning at your politeness.” She raises the back of her hand to her forehead in an attempt to ‘swoon’ I presume.


            “Hardy har har Granger. You’re so funny.”


            We walk to the portrait of the pear and tickle it. Stepping over the threshold, the two of us are greeted with hundreds of house elves making lunch. Next to me, I see Granger bend down on her knees and speak to one of the elves. The elf looked utterly shocked to be on the same level as a witch while being talked to. It probably was going to fall over dead when he finds out how polite she’s about to be.


            “Hi there.” She said with a smile.


            The elf stuttered, but managed to squeak out, “W-What do you n-need?”


            “Would you mind bringing us some sandwiches and hot chocolate, please?”


            “Oh, Mindy would love to bring Mrs. Granger some food!”


            It didn’t go unnoticed that the elf didn’t add my name to that. I look down annoyed and when Granger gets up off the floor she gives me a glance. She must’ve seen my expression because she gave a soft chuckle and shook her head.


            “What?” I ask.


            “Maybe if you were nice to them you wouldn’t have to be so annoyed.”


            “Right. Did I forget to tell you the Queen just ran fifty laps around the castle?”


            “Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m just saying treat others the way you want to be treated and that other entire lesson shit.”


            “Well when you say it like that, how can I resist? You’re just radiating encouragement.” Sarcasm evident in my voice.


            “You’re getting good at this Malfoy. I must be rubbing off on you.” She gives me a nudge with her elbow; I just stare at her. Quickly, she looks down.

            Granger chuckles nervously and then says, “Not that you’d need to learn from a mudblood or anything.”


            Before I even realize it I grab her elbow and pull her back to me. Glancing in her eyes I see her melted chocolate eyes look up at me in confusion.


            “I thought we agreed if I stopped using that word then you wouldn’t either. Plus, obviously I could learn a few things from you, you’re obviously better than me in every subject.”


            She looked down at her feet, but I didn’t miss it when she whispered, “I didn’t know we were sticking to that rule still.”


            Did I really use to make her feel that bad? Of course you idiot!


            “Well I meant it.”


            Brown met icy grey. I couldn’t tell you how long we stood there and stared at each other like that.


            The house elf cleared her throat. Granger jumped and got down on her knees again to talk to it.


            “Oh thank you so much! We were really hungry.” She added what I am now calling her million dollar smile.


            Granger took the plate and I grabbed the hot chocolates.


            “Thanks Mindy.” I said.


            The elf looked in complete shock, but snapped herself out of it rather quickly. “Oh you’re very welcome Mr. Malfoy.” Then she sprinted off.


            I took a chance look at Granger to gauge her reaction. What I saw was an all too knowing smirk grace her face.


            “You’re a smartass you know that?”


            “Only the smartest. How else would I continually win our little bicker wars?” She added a wink and she walked over to the fireplace. 


            She’s been winking a lot at me lately.


            Woah, how do I know that?


            Joining her at the fireplace we made small talk. Talked about stuff that just grazed the surface. A comfortable silence fell over us as we drank our hot chocolate.


            “Hey Granger?”




            “You’re okay right? Ever since that night… you know? “


            Her serene facial features quickly contorted into immense pain before she could seal it off. Immediately,  I regretted the question.


            “Um…Well… I… I…” She closed her eyes briefly, “Can we not talk about that? Besides, I have to go to Transfiguration or McGonagall will have my head.” Abruptly, she stood up.


            “It was nice talking to you Malfoy. Really.” Then she was gone.


            “Bye Granger.” I was talking to a closed door.


            I walked the corridors the rest of the day, not bothering to go to class. It was almost dinner time and I was making my way to the Great Hall when I ran into the new kid. Who I have finally learned his name. Jacob.


            “Hey.” He says in passing.




            “You’re  Head Boy right?”


            “Yup. The one and only.”


            A smirk graced his features and I automatically thought, I’m gonna like this kid.


            “Well I was hoping I could talk to you about quidditch. “


            “Yeah definitely. You play?”


            “Chaser in America.”


            “Oh cool. Well I’m Captain of Slytherin and I’m holding tryouts on Thursday so just come to the pitch.”


            “Sweet. Hey, I notice you weren’t in classes. Do you need any notes?”


 “That would by great. Just come by the heads dorm at eight.”


            I continued my walk to the Great Hall. As I arrived I walked to my usual spot next to Blaise. To my surprise Eddings was there.


            “Hey guys.”


            “Dude, this kid is hilarious!” Blaise says.


            “Just one of many talents.” Eddings says as he gives a fake bow.


            We eat in silence until Blaise brings up the subject I haven’t taken my eyes off the whole dinner.


            “So what about Granger this year, that girl has seriously cleaned up, yeah?”


            “Yeah whatever.” I try to sound nonchalant.


            “She hasn’t always looked like that? She looked like that over the summer when I saw her.”


            I dropped my fork and it made and awfully loud clank, “You saw her this summer?”


            He gave me an odd look, “Uh, yeah I guess we went on a ‘date’.” he smirked at the last part.


            That’s why she must have run out earlier.


            Dinner went by with no more event, but it didn’t go unnoticed that Granger’s ‘friends’ didn’t talk to her. Again.


I made it back to the common room around seven thirty and saw Granger was already on the couch reading. Her hair was braided to the side and she was wearing an old jersey and mid thigh shorts that said lacrosse on the bottom. Looking great as usual.


What the hell is lacrosse?


            Walking to the fridge to grab water I said, “Hey there, still a bookworm I see.”


            She looked up and gave me a sly smile.


            “It’s actually a book on how to get away with murder.”


            I gave a soft chuckle, “You always have something to say don’t you?”


            “Only when you start it.”


            A knock on the door signalled Jacob was here.


            “Who’s that?”


            I open the door instead of answering her question. He walks past me and to the couches, where Granger is.


            “Hey Hermione.” I watched as she noticeably stiffened on the couch. She slowly turned her head towards me then to Jacob.


            Long moments of tension filled the room. Then she started to talk, it wasn’t a particularly long conversation…


            “What the hell are you doing here?” Her calm tone seemed even more menacing than if she screamed it.


            Jacob smirked, “That’s no way to great company Hermione. To answer your question though Malfoy here invited me to help him with the classes he missed today. Seeing you was just a plus.” He gave her a wink and she flinched, as if the action physically harmed her.


            Recovering quickly, her head shot my way, “Is that right?”


            “Uh, well, yeah.” I start pushing my hair out of my face for something to do.


            “Don’t invite him here again.” Then she quickly got up from the couch and made her way to her stairwell.


            My face contorted into anger. Who does she think she is telling me what to do in my own dorm? She must be insane if she thinks I’m going to follow her orders like a dog.


            “You can’t tell me what to do Granger, I’ll invite whoever I fucking please in this dorm. Deal with it.”


            She spun around quickly and I was surprised her clumsiness didn’t kick in.


“Get these words through your head you thoughtless prat.  Don’t. Bring. Him. Here. Again.”


            “What are you going to do about it?  You’re just a filthy mudblood!”  The words were coming out of my mouth faster than I could think about the repercussions. One look at her face made me regret it immediately.


            She laughed bitterly and I flinched a bit at the cold hard sound, so much different than her usual smooth laugh. Walking up the stairs she stopped right before she was out of sight and turned to me with a malicious glint in her eye.


            “And you’re just a piece of scum, Death Eater. I applaud your work. You really have done a swell fucking job.” Her door slammed seconds after.


            I felt two things in that moment overwhelming anger and a little pained she said it. I deserved it though after what I said I guess, but that thought didn’t replace my anger of any substance.


            “Uh. I’ll just give you the notes later you look like you need to be alone.” I walked him to the door seething.

            “Oh, and one more thing; if she gives you any more lip show her who’s boss.” He gave a smirk that didn’t sit well in my stomach.  Then he was gone, but my anger was still present though.  Slamming the portrait door; I walked to the kitchen to grab some water in hopes that my anger would be suppressed. Lying on the couch for fifteen minutes I hear her feet pad down the stairwell. She must not realize I haven’t cooled down yet.


When she walks into the room her gaze lands on me and her eyes flashed with disgust. This makes my blood boil even further. She continues to make her way to the fridge; she pulls out some Firewhiskey.


“Getting drunk again Granger?” Loathing etched into my drawled voice.


“No this is for all my girlfriends upstairs, we’re having a party.” Her voice is sarcastically high and squeaky, like a school girl.


“I hear you really no how to party Granger. Jacob said in America you really knew how to show off the goods.” She flinched at his name and I felt a surge of success wash over me.


“We’re not talking about him.”


“Why not? Did he break your heart? Is that just another thing to add up to your fucked up, pathetic life?”


Her fury was back and I regretted starting up conversation. “What in the fucking hell are you talking about Malfoy?” she yelled and it pierced my ears.


“Oh, didn’t think Eddings would tell me about your fling in America? You guest wrong. I just didn’t think you would break that easily Granger. A boy broke your heart, how utterly ironic.” I seethed.


Her voice was low and eerily calm again, “I’m pretty sure both parties have to agree to that affair for it to be called dating or even a fling for that matter Malfoy.”


What is she talking about?


“Granger, you’re going insane. What are you even talking about?” Then all of a sudden it hits me like a bus. It feels like she just slapped me in the face a hundred times over. My smirk faded instantly at the realization her words gave.


It was him? He did that to her? No wonder she wanted him out.


“What Malfoy? It’s not funny anymore?”


“Gr… I…”


“Save it Malfoy, you showed your true colors. I’m not surprised they were the ones I’ve seen all along.”


Her statement feels like she cut me in half. I watch as she stalks up the stairs, Firewhiskey in hand. 




A/N: Send some reviews. Any criticism would be super cool. Thanks for reading. Ideas or problems you want to tell me about just shoot me a message. Really thanks a lot for reading! 

Chapter 4: The After Effects
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            Such a stupid fucking asshole! Can’t keep your mouth shut for five goddamn seconds!


            I am without a doubt wearing my rug at the end of my bed down to nothing; I’ve been pacing for the last hour and a half. After Granger let me in on her tid bit of information, I stared at her stairwell in absolute, disbelieving shock. It was almost as if I thought my mind was playing tricks on me and she was going to be standing there saying it was all a joke.


But it wasn’t.


Not at all.


            Suddenly, all the things he said about Granger came flooding back to me.

            “Uh, yeah I guess we went on a ‘date’.” he smirked at the last part.

            “Oh, and one more thing; if she gives you any more lip show her who’s boss.”      



            The bastard was practically showing it off! How didn’t I notice? It was so fucking obvious!


At this point I was seething; I ran to my room and punched everything. A punch to the sadistic git, a punch for Granger, a punch for Weasel, a punch for Potter, and the most painful punch of all I saved for myself. For breaking a promise, for being a complete asshole like she said, and letting that prick into this common room. When my hand was all bloodied and there were more than enough holes in the wall I had to tend to, I stopped. Only to arrive to the point of my never ending pacing; I took a chance glance at the clock, one thirty AM.


            I wonder what she’s doing in there. Probably thinking of, and inventing new and invasively clever foul names for myself. Wouldn’t blame her in the slightest.


            Finally, I gave up and pulled my silk sheets over my body and tried my best to close my eyes and sleep.



            Waking up the next morning I heard the distant sound of the portrait door closing. Looking up at the clock; I frowned, it was only six thirty. Breakfast didn’t even start until seven thirty. When I finished getting ready and left for breakfast the only thought roaming around in my head was just how much I missed her singing this morning.





            I made sure to get up extremely early so I wouldn’t have to confront Malfoy. As I made my way out of the portrait and into the hallways, I started walking to my hidden alcove near the Astronomy Tower. Eventually, I pulled back the curtain hiding the little window seat and made myself comfortable looking out the window. I mulled over the events of last night.

            Of course, yet another secret practically pushed into the hands of Malfoy. I’m really asking for it.  I can’t for the slightest second believe I ever, in a million years, ever thought Malfoy would turn sympathetic. He is and will forever and always be a slimy, egotistical, ferret faced, and arrogant bastard. Shouldn’t have doubted that stereotype one bit.


            Looking down at my watch I was only slightly surprised at the fact that I had been mentally berating Malfoy all morning; therefore, missing breakfast entirely. Quickly, I made my way to potions. As if Lucifer himself had been put on Earth, I walked right into potions only to find that the room was separated into scarlet and gold along with green and silver. Green and fucking silver! Potions with the Slytherins, how beautifully ironic. Seeming as how I was the last to enter the potions room everyone at once turned to stare at me. Most were oggling in my direction; I caught a few sneers from the girls like Parkinson for example. Rolling my eyes I found a table next to Harry and Ron, making sure to refrain from meeting a heated stare from the Head Boy. When I sat with a humph, Harry and Ron turned to face me again.


            “Where were you at breakfast Hermione?” asked Harry, “We were worried.”


            I gave him a sympathetic smile, admitting to myself it was a little forced considering this had been the first time they’ve actually talked to me in days. “Daydreaming mostly. No need to worry Harry everything is completely fine.”


            “I feel like we haven’t talked in forever!” Exclaimed Harry, I chanced a glance at Ron and saw him nodding eagerly. 


            Glad we’re all worry about Hermione now.


            “Probably because we haven’t.” I said a little more forward than I intended.


Harry gave me a look of inquisition, but before he could retort Ron butted in. “Yeah I have loads of homework I need you to check!”


            That’s why they’re talking to me now. Explains things.


 “I’m glad I can finally come back to use.” My bluntness was poorly covered when I saw the two boys exchange a glance.


Luckily Slughorn interrupted and started the lesson. He was going on and on with basic rules that we obviously knew since we were in technically eighth year. Finally, after drowning on for twenty minutes, my head shot up at the first mention of assigned, different house partners. Oh the joys of Hogwarts. Listening intently for my name, I almost let out a yelp of laughter when Ron was paired with Pansy Parkinson, Ron just sneered.


            Deserved everything that girl gives him. At least for today.


            My half smile fell straight off my face when Slughorn metaphorically stabbed me in stomach multiple times with the name of my partner


            Hermione Granger and Jacob Eddings.


            And I knew right then it was going to be one hell of a fucking year.





            I watched as I saw her half smile at Weasley’s partner choice, I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh also. Suddenly, I saw her expression quickly exchange from amusement to pain then horror; these all were quickly stoned off as her face went expressionless.  Reluctantly, she stood up and walked over to Jacob Eddings spot; he smirked at her and she flinched. Knowing what I know now all I wanted to do was bang that kid’s head into the wall, then behead him and feed him to the giant squid. The even darker side of me wanted to Avadra his ass. My steely glare was taken off the black haired boys head and focused on Slughorn who just called my name out with some other Gryffindor girl. The girl waved me over and to my relief she was sitting behind Granger, this way I could keep a close eye on the asshole.



Granger sat all the way on the right side of her seat, with the seat pushed up to the right side of their desk. Of course Eddings just had to slide right up next to her though; she physically flinched at his close proximity. My fists were clenching and unclenching frantically, trying to control my rising anger. Slughorn kept droning on and on about what we would be doing with our new partners this year; I didn’t hear hardly any of it. I was too preoccupied with the hand of the boy in front of me creeping towards Granger from beneath the table. By now, I could feel my teeth grinding inside my deadly clenching jaw. Although I couldn’t understand why I was so mad.


It’s just because of what he did to her. That’s why I’m acting like this… yeah definitely.


            If I was being honest with myself I knew there was no way in hell that was true, not one bit.


            His hand had finally made it over to Granger’s thigh and she jumped, consequently knocking down the ink bottles on the desk to the ground. Everyone turned and stared at her, Granger was wearing a look of horror and annoyance, but one look at Jacob’s face showed the impression he was very proud of himself.  Doing everything thing I could not to punch his smug smirk off his face I took out my wand and cleaned up all the ink; this took the concentration off Granger long enough to compose herself. When everything was said and done, Slughorn went back to teaching; it looked like Granger and I just made it through the class. The bell rang through my ears, but my eye caught Granger stand up quickly and bolt out of the room. I planned to walk out of the room and search for her, but I saw Potter and Weasley exchange a glance; Potter shot up and left the classroom. Deciding that was probably for the best, I made my way to Herbology.





            I could feel his vile, disgusting hands inching towards me; everything about his presence I was aware of. When his grimy skin made contact with my knee, I wasn’t as prepared as I was expecting. His rough hands touched my knee and I had to hold in the urge to gag or jump out of my seat. Suddenly, I felt a hard squeeze and I lost it; I jumped and dumped over the ink bottle. Everyone’s eyes turned to me, I didn’t know what to say or do; then I heard Malfoy picking up the mess for me and I silently thanked him. Even though I was still furious with him, I was glad the attention was off me so I could get m emotions in control.


Finally, that godforsaken bell rang, I sprinted out of that classroom faster then I think my feet could logically carry me. Quickly I found a secluded passageway fairly close to the transfiguration classroom. God only knows what happens if I miss another class, McGonagall will most likely have my head. I slid down the wall and curled my knees to my chest, resting my chin upon my jean covered legs. Sitting there for merely minutes I heard the pitter patter of footsteps coming toward me, somehow I knew it was Harry. He seriously has a problem with well being of others even though he obviously doesn’t give a rat’s ass about them. That’s Harry, forever the hero. I do miss my closeness with Harry, all the time actually, so close we were practically family; or so I thought. Apparently, time together with only each other when we were in the Forest of Dean didn’t outweigh booting me out for good. Who wants a stuck up bookworm around right? Actually, as I think about it, it should be Harry and I against Ron! That little coward left when things got hard, when things weren’t going his way! And Harry dumped my ass? No fucking way, I wasn’t going to deal with that. I stuck by him when things were horrid everywhere else.  What had Harry ever done for me? Saved me from a troll, after him and Ron being the reason I was in the stalls in the first place? Shunned me for telling McGonagall about his broom? Giving me relationship advice that didn’t help whatsoever, for someone I now clearly loathed with all my being. Besides Sodding Eddings of course, like I said, deepest pits of Hell is where that one’s going. So what did Harry do? Dropped the brains of the trio. Bloody pricks all of them. This is my final decision, join the fucking covenant. Wait, that means my vulgarities have to be taken down quite a bit; that’s alright, I can meet them halfway. Anything to get away from these conniving, idiotic, and infuriating bastards




“What Harry?”


His faced showed confusion, “What’s wrong?”


I scoffed, “What the hell isn’t wrong Harry?” I meant it half sincere.


“I don’t know what we’re talking about Hermione.”


“You wouldn’t, would you?” My voice was slightly bitter, I couldn’t give two shits.


“What’s that suppose to mean?” His words held bits of anger.


“Harry, when was the last time you talked to me? Besides today.”


He sat for a full minute, I counted.


“Don’t get me wrong Harry, you two aren’t the only thing that seems to be fucking me over these days.”


I saw his jaw clench, good I wanted a confrontation.


“What the bloody hell is that suppose to mean?” His words were laced with anger.

My voice raised as a result as well, “Oh I don’t know, did I not just prove to you that we haven’t spoken since two weeks after the war, we’re not counting the Weasley’s either.”


“So you’re throwing a tantrum because we haven’t talk to you? It works both ways Hermione! ” he yelled.


“It’s not a tantrum Harry and you know it. Did you ever think maybe I needed someone to talk to me? That I shouldn’t be the one fixing everything every time? I need help too Harry!”


“What could have possibly gone wrong with your life? You have the PERFECT life!”


“What is with everyone saying that! My life is shit and you know why you wouldn’t know Harry? Because you’re the worst fucking friend someone could ask for! I thought we were close, but apparently I was horribly wrong. I stuck by you, through and through. What’d you do for me Harry? Left me on the street to rot!” I dropped my tone, but kept it menacing, “Harry I might’ve not defeated Voldemort, but I sure as hell did everything else. Where would you even be without me? Don’t take it as superiority; I want you to mull that one over. Maybe that’s why you did it, befriended me. Nerdy friend will do anything to be in a group. So maybe you two took advantage of that, but the least you could fucking do is talk to me once in awhile because we all have problems Potter and I listened to every one of yours. I took shit from your girlfriend when she thought we were dating. Yeah, she isn’t as harmless as she looks. She only talks to me nowadays because of my new clothes. A keeper that one is. How much good did you think the Forest of Dean did me on that front? None at all Harry, but I stuck it out. For our friendship because I cared about my friend. Obviously, it wasn’t mutual.”


Many emotions crossed his face pain, guilt, anguish, and anger. Luckily for me, the last one was anger being the one he decided to start on.


“Your selfish you know that?”


I cut him off, “Oh yeah Harry, skipping school to find Hocruxes with you was bloody narcissistic.”


“Just let me talk Hermione!” He bellowed. I held out my hands sarcastically to mimic him to go on, “You’ve turned into a bloody bitch. Ever think that’s why we don’t talk to you?”


He paused and I assumed he wanted an answer, prick. “Name one thing before today that I’ve been a bitch to you about Potter.” It came out smooth, calm, and confident.


He started to think, I knew he wasn’t coming up with anything remotely insightful.


“Can’t think of one? Weird, I wonder why.” My voice was laced with menace and sarcasm.


Suddenly Ron’s voice appeared. Oh he so didn’t want me to bring him in this conversation.


“Why think of a past reason when you’re a package deal right now?”


“Oh, please indulge me Ron with that thick skull of yours what you’re hinting at here.”


“Well you’re a bitch now, as well as a slut. Whoring yourself out to everyone insight!”


“You’re mentally insane! We’ve been here three days! Who could I possibly ‘shag’ in that time you idiot?”


“Eddings can be one.”


I felt myself tense. Bloody wanker, his head was getting cursed off right now.


“Yeah Ron I fucked Eddings. You’re mental.” I deadpanned


They both cringed at my bluntness.


“Bet you gave it to Malfoy as well.”


“Yup Ron, it was bloody brilliant.”


His face burned crimson, “See! I told you! Whore!”


“Are you that stupid, or does painfully obvious sarcasm not process in that small brain of yours?”


“Whatever, you’re just a Mudblood and we would rather not talk to you.”


The tension was palpable. It was odd because it stung less then when Malfoy said it.


“Glad we defeated Voldemort aren’t we Harry.” He flinched, “I’m glad this is how we turned out, could have wasted my life on you bastards. Have fun with your homework, I won’t be around to help you. Ever.”


I saw looks of regret and guilt on their faces; it disgusted me. Literally, I needed to vomit.


Starting to walk away I heard Ron call out, “I didn’t mean that Hermione. Let’s just put this behind us.”


I stopped dead in my tracks. Was he really that much of an idiot? Like I was going to forgive them seconds later for calling me the one thing we fought in the war to stop? No way, it wasn’t going to be that easy. I knew that even I did forgive them in this moment, everything would be different. There would be no set in stone friendship, everything would be strained. We’d just end up apart anyway, and that’s the scenario that I actually chose to accept their mediocre apology; which I sure as hell would never do.


Slowly turning around I looked into their sheepish faces. They really thought I was going to be forgiving about this.


“You know you’re right Ron.” Their faces lit up and I gave a devilish smirk worthy of Malfoy, “Except I don’t think we should put this argument behind us I think we should put this friendship behind us. Have a nice life.” With that I turned and walked into transfiguration.


The rest of the day was extremely dull; classes didn’t hold that spark they used to. My past craving for knowledge had diminished and I blamed everyone else for it. It’s like suddenly NEWT’s were the last thing on my mind, homework becoming a thing of the past. Sure, I still did some of it; I even knew all of the material. It seemed the old Hermione Granger was setting herself up for the chance that her life would spiral out of control so she worked ahead so much the future problems wouldn’t be piled on top of the recent. That’s the one thing I liked about her, but also resented too. If I was preparing for it, why couldn't I know it at least was going to happen? Actually, I do have an answer to that; life could be a fucking bitch when it wanted.




A/N: I know I suck and the last time I updated was in August. I don't have an excuse besides lack of motivation. Sometimes I look at this stroy and think that it will be a great day to write, but most of the time schoolwork is in the way and I never feel like writing. I only write when I feel determined because if not then I'm writing out of obligation, resulting in immensely horrid chapters. So, here is the new chapter, leave comments. Good, bad doesn't matter. Sorry about the super long waits.