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Pink and Black by snowlilly

Format: Short story
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,075
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Contains Spoilers

Genres: Humor, Romance, AU
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing, James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC

First Published: 12/13/2011
Last Chapter: 12/19/2011
Last Updated: 12/19/2011

Summary:
Lily can see it. Everyone can see it. For Merlin's sake, even James Potter can see it. So why in the name of all-helling trouser-ties can't Sirius Black see that Renee Marchbanks is in love with him? He's a thick, insolent, ignorant cretin, that's why.  Nontheless, Lily and Marcia decide to set up Sirius and Renee on a date. Then, inexplicably, Remus decides he and Renee are going to be quite good friends. He's right.  And then, Sirius suddenly decides he quite likes Renee as well. And Lily's resistance to James Potter is crumbling under it's own weight. Again.


Chapter 1: In Which There Is Surfing, penguins, and Fortune-Telling
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When Professor McGonagall heard a knock on her door at half seven in the morning, she was fairly sure she didn't really want to know what was happening today. 

"Yes, Ms. Evans?"

"The ceiling in the boy's dorm is on fire again. Not my fault. Really not my fault." Lily Evans stated with a half-fish-half-zombie look on her face, as though she had been killed halfway through pursing her lips dramatically and disapprovingly.

"Be there in a moment." Sighed the poor Professor tiredly. "Anything more, Ms. Evans?" Lily shook her head no and began to walk away, but halfway through, turned and called back:

"Oh, Sirius Black and James Potter are currently surfing on it, with penguins, if that makes a difference." Professor McGonagall hurried over to her dressing table. It did make a difference. Quite a difference.

~O~O~O~P~S~!~

 "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sirius somehow managed to squash the tight athleticism of snowboarding, the freewheeluing feel of surfing and the sheer hilarity of the situation in a few twists and turns. "DID YOU SEE THAT?!" Yes, James had seen it, and now he had this subconcious need to one-up his friend. It was an urge he hated, not because it was dangerous or stupid, or a little mean, but because this sort of thing somehow managed to end in detention and Lily slapping him, neither of which he enjoyed.

"Watch this!" James did a few flips and swerves, tossing his penguin in the air, swering in a fiery wave around it before catching it swiftly.

"NYEK!" The fuzzy black-and-white bird honked. That awkward sound abruptly endeared the thing to him. He considered keeping it.  James smiled, placed the bird on his head like a hat and told it to: "Dig in buddy." It did. It's claws (who knew penguins had claws?) tightened into his scalp. The magma waves roared agin, flowing down the wall. He narrowed his eyes, breaking out Devilish Smile #45. How hard could this be?

~E~E~E~E~K~!~

"Fun's over boys. How does it feel, Jimmy?" Marcia smirked, flicking James' singed fringe from across the tiny Divination table.

"Not great." mumbled James, but with head pressed up against the table as it was, it came out more like, "Nobfate."  He was, at the moment, mulling over what one ought to feed penguins. He had some left-over, half-formed image of biscuits and spam, but he wasn't sure how good his instincts werein that department. He was quite right to doubt them. That is, to say, he was entirely worng.

"MUMBLER!!" Screamed Marcia, jumping up from the table and pointing an accusatory finger at James. "MUMBLER!!!!!!!!!"

She was quite pointedly ignored, everyone opting to instead stare resignedly into their Crystal Balls (TM).

Across the room, Sirius and Renee were staring almost contentedly at their Crystal Balls (TM). Correction: Renee was staring at her Crystal Ball (TM) contentedly. Sirius was staring at his with a sort of misplaced morbid fascination, like he didn't quite understand how he'd got there, and he wasn't quite sure he wanted to ask.

"OH!" Shouted Renee suddenly, straightening up and promptly knocking Sirius' Crystal ball (TM) off the table. She put a hand lazily and caught it without looking, her eyes wide and fixed on him.

"What?" Asked Sirius, feeling extremely uncomfortable with her absolutely HUGE grey eyes boring into him, in a place he was quite sure was empty. The Place growled interestedly.*

"This is YOUR future! I thought he looked familiar!" She smiled and her eyes narrowed sweetly. Sirius looked down at her paper, which was facing away from him. He reached out using his quill and mamnaged to turn her paper towards him. He read it for a while, feeling rather self concious as she continuously stared happily at him.

".....So, this is my future?" He asked cautiously, his eyes flicking up at her, then back at the parchment.

"Yep." She kept smiling.

"I'm going to live out my days with a red mohawk, seven children and a motorbike?"

"Yep."

"....What kind of motorbike?"

~O~O~H~,~T~H~A~T~L~O~O~K~S~P~A~I~N~F~U~L~!~

"So?" Marcia sidled in, squishing herself on one side of Renee.

"So what?" Asked Renee worriedly**.

"Soooo," Continued Lily, elbowing in on her othre side. "We saw you-"

"Staring at Sirius." Chimed Marcia.

"Shh!" Fretted Renee.

"That sounds like a Romance Novel***," Remarked Lily. All three of them shuddered in synchronised disgust.

"Anyway, we think you should go on a date with him." Pronounced Marcia, using her needle-thin, super-strong wand to spear (and eat) several olives. Her wand hissed objectionally, but affectionately. "It's okay Harry." She said, patting it.

"That would be great. If he actually liked me." Said Renee practically. (Aside, to Marcia, she addded, "You named your wand Harry?")

"I'm sure he does." Assured Marcia. ("Yeah, you like it?")

"Anyway, if he doesn't, we'll kill 'im for you."  Butted in James,  having no bloody clue who they were talking about.

"Really?" Asked Renee, smiling. "Thank you!"

"Yeah." Added Remus, then (only slightjy sarcastically), "You're our friend. We do that to guys who turn you down. Whatever 'that' is." He shrugged sheepishly.

"Thanks." Renee smiled again, but this time only at remus. It was a softer smile, not so much, 'thanks-for-offering-to-kill-my-ex-boyfrined-and-such' and more 'have-I-ever-told-you-how-much-I-like-you-because-I-should.' It was quite pretty, Remus thought. SHE was quite pretty, Remus thought.

 'Oh no,' I believe, were the exact words his brain uttered next.

And that, my friends, was the beginning of the end.


Footnotes:

*It may be worth mentioning that this place was located some hundreds of years earlier and designated the stomach.

** Which was perfectly justified, seeing as how her friends were essentially the Marauders with more common sense. And more hormones, although that one is debateable.

*** Romance Novels were a topic well known to the trio. It was also a much-hate thing, and in it's company were the likes of yellow pencils (from the Muggle World), James Potter's lack of common sense, and the Slytherin morality. It should, however, be added that Lily secretly kept a supply of them under her mattress in  the Gryffindor dorm, which all her friends secretly knew about and borrowed.
So, it was not so much a Hated Thing as a Hated-But-Not-So-much-Really-And-Can-I-Help-It-If-They're-Addicting?-Thing

A/N:

So... I've been mulling this over for years. Literally, years. I finally decided to put this up. So, yay?
 


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