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Roomies by dobbyismyhero22

Format: Novel
Chapters: 3
Word Count: 9,053
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers

Genres: Humor, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Teddy, Scorpius, Albus, James (II), Lily (II), Rose, Victoire, OC, OtherCanon
Pairings: James/OC, Rose/Scorpius, Teddy/Victoire

First Published: 08/18/2011
Last Chapter: 10/12/2011
Last Updated: 10/12/2011

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One flat + Three blokes + One girl = ...They'll get back to you on that when they've figured it out themselves.

Chapter 1: Awkward Silences, Cheating Boyfriends, and New Flat Mates
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"Er, hello?”








Then just painful, awkward silence.


It was the worst kind of painful, awkward silence too. The kind where you just sit there painfully and awkwardly staring at each other in the most painful and awkward way possible.


I mean, we’ve had girls at the flat before, but most of them were various female relatives bringing us food and making sure that we weren’t dead, or different birds that we brought home smashed in the middle of the night from our favorite bars or clubs.


This…this situation was definitely a first.


Louis was the first one to speak after about five minutes of throat clearing, uncomfortable neck rubbing, and glancing around pretending to look nonchalant.


“So, um, Charlotte…”


“Charlie, I go by Charlie.” She corrected instantly. Her nose wrinkled slightly when he said her full first name.


Louis cleared his throat, and started flipping through her application to live in our flat. “Right, sorry. It says here that you’re from the United States?” She nodded, and Louis asked curiously, raising an eyebrow, “So what brings you to London?”


Charlie frowned instantly, and it instantly made me panic that Louis said something wrong.


If there is one thing that I learned about females over the years by having a little sister and having a rather large collection of girlfriends, it is that you have to tread waters very, very carefully.


See, girls are like sharks. You can be around them as long as you don’t make too many sudden movements, and normally you’re fine.


But if you do something wrong (like start bleeding or kicking your legs like a maniac), then they bite.


…Or, you know, start hysterically crying and then slapping you across the face.


Okay, maybe the shark analogy wasn’t the best, but you catch my drift.


You have to watch what you say and do around girls because they are more terrifying than Voldemort with the Elder Wand when they are pissed.


For real, it’s honestly difficult to count the amount of times my poor face has been subjected to a fierce slap by an angry female.


Sorry, that I overslept and missed our date, which to be fair, didn’t sound like that much fun in the first place. I mean, seriously, who the hell actually enjoys going to Madam Puddifoot’s? Find me one straight bloke that likes getting pink glitter thrown on him while attempting to pretend he still has his manhood while drinking pink tea. Find me that bloke and I will go to Madam Puddifoot’s happily.


Sorry, that I accidentally told the whole school that it was your time of the month and that you were going to bite everyone’s heads off unless they gave you chocolate and tampons. I mean, I was trying to give the fellow students at Hogwarts a fair warning before their heads were detached from their necks in some kind of lady problem induced rampage. Excuse me for wanting to protect my classmates.


Sorry, that I stepped on your gray pygmy puff because I mistook him for huge arse dust bunny. I’ve explained a thousand times that I did not bloody do it on purpose, and that no one likes an animal named Herman, but you just don’t seemed to believe it.


Girls are pretty much the most frustrating and temperamental creatures to walk the face of the universe, and they scare the absolute shit out of me.


Surprisingly though, Charlie didn’t slap my favorite cousin across the face or burst into miserable tears.


Instead, she sighed and said, “I’ll give you the short version.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I graduated from Salem, Salem School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that is, last year. I moved in with my boyfriend who I had been dating for four years, and everything was going perfectly until last month, when I came home from work to find him fucking my best friend on our kitchen counter.”


Aidan, my other flat mate, Louis, and I all took a collective breath, and exchanged glances with each other that read a mix between wow, what a complete arse hole, and, damn, poor girl, and finally, someone like her got cheated on? What a stupid bloke.


If you took a good look at Charlie, then you’d be pretty damn shocked that someone would actually ever want to be with someone other than her.


Other than her freakishly pale skin, which somehow kind of worked for her, she was hot.


She let her silky looking blonde hair grow a few inches past her collarbone, and it was straight on the top, but then was all waves and curls at the end.


Her eyes had green in them, but not like Al and Dad’s solid emeralds. It was if her irises were having an epic battle between a milk chocolate brown and a light grassy, green, but neither won so they found a mix between the two.


Charlie somehow looked delicate, but at the same time not because the way she carried herself and her personality outweighed the fragileness.


She also had nice boobs.


Charlie gave a grim smile that made her look slightly constipated. “Yeah, it’s not exactly a treat to see the guy that you thought was going to propose soon nailing the girl you’ve shared secrets with your entire life right next to the stove that you fried their eggs on earlier that day.”


She started to absentmindedly play with her hair, and I tried not to laugh when Aidan whispered, “Damn,” under his breath in a dumbstruck voice.


“So basically,” Charlie continued. “I had a complete freak out moment and moved to London where my mom grew up, but then I realized that I had absolutely no place to live. I’ve been staying at the Leaky Cauldron for a few weeks now, looking for a place that didn’t have psychotic, practically rapist roommates, which I’ve come across in quite a few places so far, actually.” She frowned to herself, and scratched her forehead as if she was contemplating on why there were so many psychotic people in London, which almost made me smile.


“Then I found the flyer that James Potter, Louis Weasley, and Aidan Wood were looking for a young, fourth roommate in a nice flat right in the heart of downtown London. So I did my research to make sure that you weren’t going to rape me in my sleep or something and here I am, I guess.” She finished with a real smile that Louis just had to go and ruin.


“Did you notice on the flyer that we’re looking for a male roommate? No offence, but we need someone that isn’t going to spend an hour in the bathroom every morning and that-“


“Look, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t desperate.” Charlie interrupted with a serious, intense, and slightly scary expression on her face. “Granted, you’re all extremely attractive, but I have two older brothers, so I know how disgusting most men are, and I don’t have an desire to live with one after my ex, let alone three, but I need somewhere to live.”


Merlin, she certainly is blunt, now isn’t she?


“And I know you three are desperate too. Aidan,” She said turning to my surprised-at-being-addressed-by-a-complete-stranger, best friend. “I know you’re going to be playing for the Tornados this season, which doesn’t make too much money yet considering that you’re on the reserve team. I’ve seen you play briefly on the Wiz-Telly back at home, and you’re brilliant. I have no doubt that you’ll be on the regular team soon, but for now, you’re pretty much broke, being on your own at the moment.”


“Louis, you’re studying to be a Healer, which is fantastic, and I commended you greatly on that, by the way. My mom was a Healer,” She said, smiling at him, and Louis nearly smiled back, but seemed to have decided against it. “But let’s face it, Healer school is expensive. You probably don’t have the largest amount of galleons in Gringotts at the moment, which is okay, because soon you’ll be making some serious bank, but for the time being, you need money.”


“Finally, James Potter,” She said, turning to me and grinning. I tried very hard to look like I wasn’t about to piss myself, rather that I was calm and cool and collected and you know, calm.


It was difficult to tell whether or not I was succeeding.


“You, very nobly, decided to follow in your father’s footsteps and decided to become an Auror, like me. You could get all the training for free, couldn’t you?” She said, raising an eyebrow, but I remained unresponsive, and let her continue. “You wanted to break away from Harry Potter though, right? Well, not necessarily break away, but just be cast as a different person rather than be one of ‘The-Chosen-One’s’ children so you wanted to pay for training yourself, which I also think was a very noble thing to do. And like Healer school, Auror training is expensive so you too need the money.”



“No nineteen year olds could afford a place like this, that’s why you need the fourth roommate, and that’s why you need me because unlike most other ‘fresh out of school kids’, I can actually put up my share of rent. So, what do you think?” She said finally, looking at each of us with a slightly apprehensive expression on her face.


I looked at Aidan and Louis to see if they also pretty much shit their pants on how well she knew us even though we just met.


Louis was staring at Charlie with his mouth open slightly, and his eyes wide…pretty much looking like a complete git.


“Looks like we got another fan girl,” Aidan groaned with an aggravated expression on his face.


“I’m not a fan girl.” Charlie snapped instantly. “Like I said, I did my research. I had already met too many creepy potential roommates before you guys, and I didn’t want to have anymore repeats. It wasn’t hard to get information about you guys either. One of you is the son of the star Keeper of Puddlemere United, and two of you are Wotters. A monkey could learn your life story in ten minutes.”


“Look, America-“ I started, running my hands through my hair.


Charlie.” She said in a slow voice as if I hadn’t heard her the first time she told us her nickname.


She didn’t seem to grasp the fact that I just made up a new nickname for her.


America.” I repeated, mimicking her slow voice causing her to narrow her hazel eyes slightly. “I don’t understand what makes you so sure that you can afford your share of the apartment when you have to pay for Auror training also. Like you said, we can barely do it, so what makes you think that you can do it?”


“Well, Britain,” She said, causing me to grin. “Like I told you earlier, my mom was a Healer. She died a few years ago, and left a good amount of money to me, which is paying for training and most of this place. Plus I’ve been saving my money from working in my dad’s restaurant my whole life so that’s where the rest of the money is coming from.”


“Oh.” Was my beautiful and well thought out response to finding out that this girl has a dead mother.


I’m not the best consoler in the world. Not that Charlie seemed like she needed consoling, but still.


“Listen, I have two sisters. Two Veela/Werewolf/French sisters. They’re vicious. I don’t know if I can take living with a girl in the flat…” Louis said, shuddering slightly, causing me to laugh.


I do feel for the bloke though. I don’t think I could live with Dom’s banshee like wails and Victoire’s constant bitching over how Teddy keeps knocking her up.


It really isn’t a hard concept to grasp. If you don’t want to get preggers, then you either a) go on birth control, b) make Teddy wear a condom, or c) just cast the damn protection charm.


Sometimes I wonder if uncle Bill dropped those girls on their heads when they were little munchkins because Louis is normal…Well, fairly normal, at least.


As normal as a bloke can be growing up with Victoire and Dominique as sisters. That’s a feat that is definitely difficult to accomplish.


I feel like I lucked out when it comes to siblings. I mean, Al can be a git on occasion like being best friends with a Malfoy and letting said Malfoy date baby Rosie. There he majorly fucked up, but other than that he’s a decently unpratty kid.


Lily, other than certain PMS-y times of the month, is pretty much the best little sister that any bloke could ask for. She’s sarcastic, obsessed with quidditch, and just all around adorable.


Yes, I love my baby sister. Try to get her in bed and I’ll rip your eyes out along with other choice parts.


“You act like I’m going to come crying to you three with my problems,” She laughed. “I have friends for that, you know.”


“Who? Your boyfriend shagged with your best friend.” Aidan said stupidly, and I elbowed him in the gut causing him to grunt in pain.


What a git. Honestly, could you be any thicker? 


“Gee, thanks for pointing that out, Aidan.” Charlie said sarcastically, but the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.


“My pleasure,” Aidan grinned, and I rolled my eyes.


“I also promise that I won’t go painting everything pink or leaving stuffed animals on all the chairs. You can keep the flat looking ‘manly’ if you want. I won’t interfere.” She said with a slight smirk on her face.


“I like her. Let’s give her a chance,” Aidan said, turning to Louis and me and Charlie grinned.


“As long as you don’t come complaining to me that you’re suffering from ‘monster cramps that could kill an entire village’, then I’m fine with it.”  Louis sighed, and I cringed because I could totally see/hear Dominique screaming that so loud that she actually would kill an entire village.


“It’s all down to you, James.” Aidan declared, patting my shoulder in an annoyingly patronizing way.


I considered the fact that I probably wouldn’t be able to walk around in just boxers anymore or that I wouldn’t be able to chug orange juice straight from the carton anymore…Who am I kidding? I’d still do those things even if I was living with a thousand girls.


I looked at Charlie’s hopeful smile, took a deep breath, and asked, “So when do you want to move in?”



A/N: NEW STORY, YAY!!! The idea for this was inspired by that new show on television called New Girl. (I don't own that by the way) I hope you like it so far. It will, hopefully, get funnier after the first chapter. Three blokes and one girl living on the same premises… It has to be pretty entertaining.


I’m not entirely sure that this will continue to be in James’ POV though. I’m debating between having it alternate between James’ POV and Charlie’s or just having the rest in Charlie’s. I haven’t decided yet, but the next chapter will definitely be in Charlie’s.


Please leave a review and let me know what you think! Do you like it? Hate it? Let me know! :D 

Chapter 2: Manly Movers, Immature Aidan, and Clueless Guys
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I don’t know how I get myself in these types of situations. I really don’t. 

If you had told me a year ago that I would be having three extremely attractive British guys carry my possessions into their apartment in downtown London, then I would’ve told you that you were batshit crazy and that you should check into a mental hospital.


Their apartment wasn’t too bad. Sure, there was a pile of dirty dishes the size of Mt. Everest in the sink, the laundry room smelled like dung bombs, which I’m told was an accidental explosion a few months ago when James and Louis’ little cousin, Fred, visited, and there was nothing besides booze, ketchup, boxes of leftover take out food, and for some reason, a very large collection of grapefruits in their refrigerator.


I don’t know if one of them has some weird grapefruit fetish, but there is an unusually huge amount of grapefruits in that fridge. I honestly don’t think it’s normal on anyone’s standards.


It was big, at least. We all had our own bedrooms, but unfortunately, there was only one bathroom so I’d have to share with them, and I could only imagine the horrors that come with that. 


“Louis, move your ass! This box is heavy as fuck!” James ordered loudly, and attempted to kick Louis to go faster up the steps, but Louis was struggling himself to carry his end of my mattress that Aidan was carrying the other side of.


“SHUT UP, I’M TRYING!” Louis yelled, and tried to kick his leg backwards to hit James, but he was missing by a few feet.


I held in my laughter as I trailed behind them carrying two of my suitcases that I magically made as light as a feather.


When I suggested that we just bring in the stuff magically, they instantly nixed the idea saying that we couldn’t chance muggles seeing it. Then when I said that we should just simply shrink everything, and carry it in easily, they said no to that also because they were manly, and then could carry it in themselves without magic.


What I don’t think that they considered is that they live on the fourth floor, and that means that they need to carry all my shit up four flights of stairs.


These are the idiots that I am willingly moving in with for who knows how long.


Merlin, help me.


“Holy shit, America. What do you have in here? Rocks?” James whined, and adjusted his grip on the box.


“Of course, you didn’t expect me to leave my world famous rock collection back at home, did you?” I said in the most innocent voice I could muster with a small smile playing on my lips.


James whipped his head around to shoot me a playful glare. “Funny.” He said sarcastically. “But seriously, what the hell do you have in here?”


“Shoes,” I responded after looking at the label that I had previously made on the side of the box.


Shoes?!” James repeated incredulously, raising his eyebrows. “This whole entire box is filled with shoes?”


“So I like shoes! Sue me!” I exclaimed with a grin, and swung my arm forward so my suitcase hit him in the back.


“Bloody ouch! If the weight of your mental amount shoes becomes too much for me, and I die, then yeah, I will sue you.” He said matter-of-factly, and I stuck my tongue out at him.


“If you had just lightened the weight like I did, Britain, then we wouldn’t be having this discussion, now would we?”


“Men don’t need to lighten the weight.” He grunted, sounding so incredibly stupid that I started laughing.


Men can also carry a measly box of shoes and a mattress faster than the pace of a slug.” I pointed out reasonably.


“HEY!” They shouted indignantly in unison.


“Just hurry up! I’m not getting any younger here!”


“We don’t have to help you, you know.”


“If we would’ve done it my way in the first place, and shrunk everything, then we could be done by now and enjoying a nice grapefruit.”


“DON’T TOUCH MY GRAPEFRUIT!” Aidan screamed from the top of steps.


Huh, so it was Aidan’s grapefruit.


For some reason, I’m not surprised in the least bit.


“You really are an ungrateful little wench, you know that, right?” James said, with a teasing smirk.


“Wow, Britain. Your lovely comments never cease to flatter me,” I said, whacking him in the back again with my suitcase.


“Oh, I’m glad.” He growled after grunting in pain.


I heard the door to the apartment creak open, and Aidan, the mattress, and Louis slipped through it, followed by James and me.


Of course my room is the furthest away from the door so I got to laugh as the boys swore angrily as they tripped over various Healing school books, broomsticks, and just general debris that littered the carpeted floor.


My room was the smallest out of everybody’s but I didn’t complain because, as it should be, it was first come first serve. It still fit all my stuff, although the lack of closet space would cause a slight problem for my ‘mental amount of shoes’, but I’d manage.


“Please, Merlin, tell me that that’s the last of everything?” Aidan said in an extremely hopeful voice that made me smile.


Yes, that’s it. You all can go back to your lazy lives of watching reruns of quidditch games on the Wiz-Telly while I unpack.” I laughed, and started shooing them out the door.


“What time’s dinner?” Louis asked, pausing at the doorway.


I raised an eyebrow at him. “Er, whatever time you decide to make it for yourself, I suppose?” I responded as I opened up the latches to the first suitcase, and started throwing a bunch of bras and underwear into one of the drawers to my dresser.


I looked up and saw that the three blokes were staring at me with extremely confused expression on their faces.


“What?” I asked them when they continued staring at me as if I just danced around naked screaming ‘I’m a billy goat!’


Now that I think about it that would be quite an interesting show to watch.


“You mean you’re not cooking dinner?” Aidan asked, pulling his eyebrows together and scratching the back of his head as if it was a difficult concept to understand.


“Why would you assume that I was cooking dinner just because I’m a girl?” I asked in a sharp tone, folding my arms across my chest, and cocking my head to the side slightly in an attempt to look intimidating.


Apparently, they were too distraught over the newly learnt fact that I was not, in fact, going to cook for them whenever they pleased.


“So that’s a no?” James asked sounding heartbroken, and the three looked as if they were puppies that had just been kicked.


“I can’t eat anymore take out!”


“I think I got food poisoning last week!”


“I’m starving! I haven’t eaten anything all day!”


“It all tastes the same!”


“I was throwing up and shitting for hours!”


“Do you hear my stomach growl? LISTEN!”


I closed my eyes, pinched the bridge of my nose, took a deep breath, and asked, “Where is the nearest grocery store?”


“The nearest what?”


“Grocery store,” I repeated in a slow voice, and the shared dumbstruck glances with one another. “It’s a place where you buy food so then you can cook it.” I explained, and their faces brightened so fast that I almost had whip lash.


“So that means that you’re going to cook?!” Louis asked excitedly, and I nodded, already regretting it, knowing that they would think that this would be a daily occurrence.


Truth is,  I actually enjoyed cooking, but kitchens have been slightly ruined for me after watching my what I thought was going to be my future husband and my best friend since diapers fuck on the counter.


Before I had another mental breakdown and moved to Siberia, I pushed the thought from my head and asked again, “Where is the nearest grocery store?”


“I could ask my mum.” James offered. “She’d probably know.”


We followed him into the living room, and I plopped myself down on the black leather couch, while James put his head into the green flames of the fireplace and yelled “White House!”


“White House is the name of their white mansion. Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry let James name it when he was a two year old. Not the smartest decision of their lives...James wasn’t the most creative toddler out there.” Louis whispered to me, and I laughed when James flicked us off from behind his back.


“Merlin, Mum and Dad! If you’re going to do that, then don’t do it in front of the fireplace! I’m scarred for life!” James screamed, and I can only assume that The Chosen One was getting it on with his wife.


“You’re lucky that we were only snogging mate.” I heard Harry Potter’s voice say faintly. “A couple more minutes…”


“DAD!” James yelled in a disgusted tone at the same time Ginny Potter scolded, “HARRY!”


I also heard the sound of someone getting smacked on the chest and someone else yell, “Ow! I was just kidding!”


Aidan, Louis, and I all grinned, listening as if it was good radio.


“Sweetie, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Mrs. Potter’s voice asked, sounding panicked.


“I’m fine, Mum.” James said, sighing tiredly. “I was just wondering where a grocery store is.”


Mrs. Potter’s voice instantly became more panicked. “You’re not going to cook again, are you, James? You almost burnt down the kitchen last time…”


Louis instantly burst out laughing, and James shot him the bird yet again. “Do I even want to know?” I asked, smiling, and glancing at a very amused looking Aidan, who shook his head and grinned.


“No, Mum! I promise I won’t cook!” James said quickly, and I could just imagine his eyes rolling.


“Okay, good. Well, there’s the grocery store down the street from Percy’s house. We went there to get band aids for when you and Louis pushed Molly out of that tree when you were six? Remember?”


I raised an eyebrow at Louis and he shrugged and said, “What? She was being a bitch!”


I shook my head and smiled because it reminded me of the time when I was four, I pushed my mom’s best friend’s daughter, who I despised, off the top of the jungle gym because she said that I looked like a ghost and made fun of me for being scared to go down the big slide.


It’s still one of my favorite memories.


“Oh right! Thanks!” James said, and did a thumbs up behind his back as if we couldn’t hear that we found a grocery store.


“No problem, Sweetheart.” Mrs. Potter said fondly, and James stepped fully out of the flames. 


“Louis, you remember where it is now, right?” James asked, and Louis nodded.


“How could I forget. Molly screamed until your mum bought her the princess themed band aids, demanded strawberry ice cream, and then threw it on my favorite cow boy shirt.”


Hmm, Louis didn’t really peg me as the type of little boy to be into cow boys. I pictured him as more of a train set kind of kid like my brother, Cyrus. My oldest brother, Micah, was crazily into toy cars.


Legit, he went as a car for Halloween, which I didn’t even know was a possible costume.


James grinned. “Good times, good times.”


“For you maybe. Your favorite tee shirt didn’t get ruined, now did it?” Louis said, scowling. 


“Don’t be a baby.” Aidan said after punching him. “Can we go now? I’m bloody starving.”


“Yeah, Aidan, you go with Louis, and I’ll take America because you two don’t know where it is, and we’ll meet there, okay?”


“I don’t want to hold his hand!” Aidan whined, sticking his tongue out at Louis, causing me to laugh and James and Louis to roll their eyes.


“Fine then, Louis can take America, and I’ll go with you, happy?”


“I don’t want to hold your hand either!”


“Then you can just bloody stay home!”


“NO!” Aidan shouted instantly, looking like a child afraid of being left behind. “I want to go!”


“Then man up, and take my hand!” Louis yelled in an irritated tone, and James shook his head in exasperation.


“You really can’t use the phrase ‘then man up’ when you’re telling a bloke to hold your hand, mate. It just doesn’t work like that.”


Louis groaned in annoyance, I laughed again, and James slapped a palm to his forehead.


“That’s it, I’m taking Charlie. You can deal with him.” Louis said, turning to James and nodding his head in Aidan’s direction who looked slightly affronted, before grabbing my hand and disapparating two seconds later.



Words of the wise to future generations and for future reference: Never go grocery shopping with three nineteen year old guys that have never gone grocery shopping before (minus the excursion to get princess band aids and ice cream cones).


While it maybe be entertaining to watch a six foot five fully grown man sit in and get pushed around in a shopping cart by his extremely gleeful best friends, it is also slightly a danger hazard considering the fact that one of these best friends might not have full control of the cart thus causing them to hit a ten foot pyramid of paper towels, and have the certain six foot five fully grown man tumble out of the cart and land on top of a small child.


Then again, watching the grandmother of the poor little boy whack Aidan repeatedly with her purse and calling him, Louis, and James almost every bad name in the book was kind of worth it.


But still, I don’t recommend trying to shop for food with three nineteen year old guys because they are worse than shopping with children.


We went in to get some basic food for the kitchen. You know, pasta, eggs, bread, cheese, cereal, milk, and all that good stuff.


And while we did come out with those items, we also left with three boxes of different types of cookies, fruit snacks, seven more grapefruits, juice boxes, superhero band aids, various brands of chips, several bags of candy, and dog shampoo.


When I asked Louis why on earth he’d want dog shampoo when he doesn’t even have a dog, he said that wanted to see if it would make his hair softer.


I found this slightly worrying and I didn’t question it any further.


Plus, when you come home, they expect you to put away all of the groceries because they ‘don’t know where anything goes’ even though they’ve lived there actually more than half a day.


Although, you do kind of believe them when you force them to try to figure it out, and they think that cereal goes in the fridge and cheese goes underneath the sink.


It makes you consider calling up their mothers and demanding to know where they went wrong with raising these children.


Even Cyrus and Micah would be less clueless then them, and those two are perhaps the stupidest idiots I’ve ever met.


One time Cyrus asked me if he should stick his hand in the garbage disposal to get the spoon out…while it was running.


This is what happens when there isn’t a woman around. You get your hand cut off and cheese that lives underneath the sink.


Awful lifestyle, I know. I don’t suggest living it anytime soon.



HI. Fast update, eh? You guys should be proud. I hope you liked Charlie’s POV because I think I like it more than James’ so most of it will probably be in her POV. I think I’ll do an occasional chapter in James’ though so there’s that to look forward to.


So what does everyone think about the story so far? Who’s your favorite character? James? Aidan? Louis? Charlie? I’m curious so let me know! :D

Chapter 3: Murder Weapons, Banshee Wails, and Awesome Cousins
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“What do you reckon this thing is?”


“I dunno, but it looks like some sort of murder weapon.”


“It’s not a murder weapon, you git! Why would America have a murder weapon?”


“Who knows? I mean, how much do we really know about Charlie? For all we know, she could be a serial killer in disguise.”


“Yeah, how do we know that’s she even American?”


“The accent could be a hint.”


“Oh please, how hard is it to talk like a Yankee? ‘I’m American, I like cheeseburgers, y’all’. See, anybody can do it.”


“First of all,” I said, in an amused tone, making my presence known for the first time, causing the guys to look up at me in surprise. I was leaning casually against the door frame to the bathroom with my arms folded across my chest. “I don’t talk like that, Aidan. You sound like an idiot.”


“Excuse me, my accent is brilliant, thank you very much!”


I ignored him, and continued. “Second, nobody says ‘y’all’ unless you live down south. I grew up in New York City. And third, it’s an eyelash curler, not a murder weapon.”


They all stared blankly at the eyelash curler as if it was from outer space.


“What the bloody hell does an eyelash curler do?”


“Hmm, let’s think about this, Britain. It’s an eyelash curler. I’d assume that it would curl eyelashes.” I said in a patronizing voice and he shot me an irritated look that caused me to smirk.


“What’s this thing?” Louis asked, holding up my muggle curling iron, and staring at it with a highly confused expression on his face.

I moved my toiletries and such into our shared bathroom early this morning…I’m fairly certain they’ve been doing this since then.


“It’s to curl the end of my hair.”


“So your hair isn’t naturally like that? See, she lies! SERIAL KILLER!”


“Aidan, shut up! She isn’t a bloody serial killer!” James yelled, and punched Aidan on the arm causing the huge quidditch player to pout like a little girl. Then James turned to me, holding up a little blue bottle, and he asked, “What does face moisturizer do?”


I almost laughed at the sheer curiosity on their faces at the stupid question.


“It’s so my face doesn’t dry out, and it makes my skin extra soft.”


Louis and Aidan’s hands instantly jumped to their faces to feel the texture of their own skin.


James, on the other hand, surprised me by reaching out and gently grazing my cheek with the tips of his fingers. The simple touch caused me to, very uncharacteristically, blush, for some reason.


“You’re right, your skin is really soft.” He said with an adorable smile and his golden brown eyes shining, causing me to internally melt slightly.


It really isn’t fair to live with such attractive males.


I mean, they’re all built like Greek gods, but it’s not even their bodies that make them so goddamn attractive; it’s their faces and the way they carry themselves.


Louis is gorgeous to put it simply. His tousled blonde hair sits in exactly the right way to give the impression that he doesn’t care what he looks like but he can still look fantastic at the same time. His blue eyes are absolutely beautiful and they remind me of the sky on a clear summer’s day. And although he has a more pretty face than a handsome one, his natural sort of swagger balances out the femininity and replaces it with masculinity.


Aidan’s body is so unbelievably jacked, it looks like he is at the gym all day, but in actuality, most of his free time is spent watching quidditch on his ass and eating grapefruit. He wears his curly, sandy brown hair short, and his stormy gray eyes are almost always blazing with happiness. That’s probably the best thing about Aidan…despite his weirdness and accusations that I’m a serial killer, he’s always so happy.


And then there’s James who is, quite possibly, the most difficult person to describe on the face of this universe. His perpetually messy, dark brown, nearly black, hair makes him look sexy, rather than sloppy, but the dimple on his right cheek makes him look down right adorable. His face is chiseled, making him sexy, yet he had a light dusting of freckles on his nose, forehead, and cheeks, making him adorable. The confident, but carefree air about him is also a mix between sexy and adorable.


So basically, James Potter is sexorable…adorexy?


Well, he’s whatever a combo between sexy and adorable is.


“Why do you have to have those in here?” Louis asked with a disgusted expression on his face, pointing to my box of open tampons sitting on the white marble counter.


“Would you prefer that I keep them in my room and then bleed all over the floor on the way to getting them?” I asked, over exaggerating just a tad, and raising an eyebrow.


All of their expressions instantly became revolted. I mean, what I just said was pretty revolting, but guys needed to learn to get over their fears of lady issues. It’s not like we have a blast ended skrewt down there.


“No, no, you can keep then in here!” Louis said quickly, avoiding looking me in the eyes. “No need to, er, mess up the floor.”


“That’s what I thoug-“ I started to say, but I was cut off by the loudest, shrillest, and most high pitched shriek that I have ever had the misfortune to hear.


“LOUIS!” The voice screeched, and I covered my ears to stop them from bleeding at the excessive noise.


“Dammit,” James groaned, and nervously ran a hand through his hair.


“I’ll be in my room. Let me know when the banshee leaves!” Aidan said, and then sprinted next door to his bedroom, shut and locked the door.


Louis’ face was as white as a ghost as if all the color drained out.


I was about to ask what the hell was going on, but I didn’t need to because suddenly, a stunning blonde with an uncanny resemblance to Louis that had tears pouring down her face, came charging into the bathroom and wrapped her arms around Louis’ neck, and began sobbing.


I glanced at James who was looking at the two with a bored expression as if this happened every other day.


“Shh, Dom, shh,” Louis said in an attempt to be consoling, and patted her back awkwardly. “What happened this time?”


This time? I dearly hope that this isn’t a highly regular occurrence. There is only so much overemotional girl drama that I can handle in a short time.


I’ve always been ten times more comfortable around boys than my own sex. My mom died when I was ten so I went through almost half of my life of just living with males. I also had mostly only guy friends at Salem.


I was good friends with a lot of my ex’s, Austin Baker, best friends. The only reason I was ever best friends with Melanie Turner, aka bitch that fucked my boyfriend, was because we grew up together.


And look where being friends with her has got me.


Note to self: Never become friends with a girl again. Stick to guys. They are a lot less hormonal and back-stabby.


“JESSICA ATE MY YOGURT!” Dom wailed at the top of her lungs as if it was the end of the world.


Goodbye, hearing. I always liked you.


“That’s why you’re so upset? Dom, it’s yogurt! You can just go buy some more at this thing called a grocery store! They sell like a million different kinds!” James exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air in an exasperated way.


Louis shot James a terrified look as if he was afraid that James was about to get shanked or something. I don’t even know this person, or what she is capable of, but even I can tell that James is in deep shit.


The girl turned to James with watery eyes and a furious expression. “It was my mixed berry yogurt, James. MIXED BERRY! I’m not talking lemon. I’m not talking vanilla. I’m not talking bloody peach! I’M TALKING MIXED BERRY!” She shrieked, and James backed up, stumbling slightly when he ran into the toilet, clamping his hands over his ears.


“And it’s the whole principle of the thing! I had my yogurt clearly marked Dominique Gabrielle Weasley! I even used my middle name, but that bitch still ate it!” Dom then turned back to Louis, who looked like he was about to shit his pants, overcome with a fresh wave of sobs.


“I can’t go back there, Lou! I can’t go back there knowing that she ate my yogurt! I can’t look her in the eyes! She stole it, Louie! SHE STOLE IT! I can’t! I just can’t!” She cried into his shirt, and Louis continued to pat her back awkwardly, and looked at James with a ‘What the fuck do I do?’ face.


James was mouthing to Louis behind Dom’s back, “Be strong! Don’t give in!”


Then Dom sniffled and looked up at Louis. “Can I stay in the extra bedroom tonight, Louie? Please?”


She, evidently, had some form of a brain in that pretty little head of hers because she pulled the puppy dog face that would cause even the hardest ass to melt.


But before Louis could give in, James quickly said, “Sorry, Dom, but that bedroom’s actually occupied currently.”


“By who?” Dom yelled, abruptly angrier than she already was.


“That would be me,” I told her, offering her the friendliest smile that I could muster to an insane girl that just cried for five minutes about yogurt.


“Who the fuck are you?” She snapped, glaring at me as if I was I was the reason that she was so goddamn miserable.


Okay wait. Can someone please explain to me what the hell I did to this girl?


Louis and James were about to explain that I was their new roommate, but Dom swiveled around back to Louis, and starting pulling the water works again.


“Are you going to pick this blonde whore over your own sister?”


Is she that stupid to not know her own hair color? I’m seriously starting to think so.


“Now hold on-“ James started with an angry expression on his face, but Louis silenced him with a look.


“Dom, Charlie lives here. You can’t just come in here and demand that ro-“


“It’s okay, Louis.” I said, and all heads whipped in my direction. Dom was glaring and James and Louis were looking very curiously at me.


“Dom, here, is obviously going through a really hard time right now. I mean, I thought I had it bad when my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I couldn’t even imagine someone taking my yogurt! The absolute horror!” I gasped sardonically, but only James and Louis seemed to grasp the fact that I was being sarcastic. Dom, on the other hand, was nodding agreeably, looking morose as if everyone should pity her.


“So you can have my bed, Dominique. You can sleep in the room that I spent all night re-doing. You can sleep on my mattress that cost me almost three thousand dollars. You can even borrow my clothes if you want because you know what? You deserve it after this difficult day.”


Either this moron doesn’t understand the beautiful language of sarcasm, or she is just plain stupid because she said, “Finally, someone that actually understands!”


Then she strutted past me out of the bathroom to my bedroom, and slammed the door shut.


“Is she for real?” I asked Louis in shock.


“Unfortunately, yes.”


“Just wait till you get to meet Victoire, America. You can hear all about her swollen feet, sore boobs, and various other pregnancy issues.”


Oh joy.



Being in the apartment with Dominique Weasley is worse than living with three dragons, twenty angry hippogriffs, and a colony flesh-eating slugs.


Not just any dragons, angry hippogriffs, or flesh eating slugs though…no.


These dragons were the type that would bite your head off, chew it to mush, and then spit it back out at your decapitated, bloody carcass.


These hippogriffs would stomp on your brains and use it’s razor sharp talons to rip off all your clothes, leaving you scratched, naked, and even bloodier in the process.


And then the flesh-eating slugs would continually wiggle around inside of you while they’re snacking on your insides so that way you’d get so annoyed that you wouldn’t be able to take anymore of it and you’d just jump off a bridge to finally end the misery.


That’s how incredibly awful it is with her around. It’s honestly a wonder how Louis survived all those years living with her without going either insane or deaf from her incessant bitching.


Because seriously, she didn’t stop. Whether it was complaining that our couch looked like it belonged in a dumpster, (not even an average dumpster…she said that it belonged in a poor person’s dumpster because ours wasn’t even good enough for a normal one) or that she needed someone to get her food or else she was going to starve to death.


I think she neglected to remember that there are kids in Africa that haven’t eaten for days, not to mention weeks.


But the thing was, if she ordered you to do something, you had to do it. Otherwise, she’d scream and cry. Like literally, she’d sit there and scream at the top of her lungs until you made her a smoothie, got her a blanket, or even massaged her perfectly painted toes.


We’ve already had five complaints from the neighbors, and the police even showed up once because they got a call from a worried muggle that thought someone was getting murdered.


I felt out of place telling her to shut the fuck up and get the hell out because I only just moved here, and I didn’t think I should talk to their cousin/sister/best friend’s cousin-sister like that.


I was hoping they’d grow a pair and do it for me, but alas, no.


Louis practically shit his pants whenever Dom got in a twenty-foot radius of him. The girl could ask him to squeeze lemon juice into his eye just so she could watch him wither in pain and he’d do it because he is so whipped. It’s more pathetic and sad then watching a puppy get kicked in the face.


Aidan spent most of the time locked in his room. When he did come out though to eat something though, which was about every twenty minutes (the man has an almost scary appetite), he spent most of the time cringing at her obscenely shrill voice.


James was the only who somewhat stood up for himself and refused to be treated like a servant in his own house. He’d deny her demands at first, but unfortunately, he only has so much tolerance for seeing a girl cry and listen to her scream for about twenty minutes straight so he eventually gives up in the end.


I, personally, loathed her but, since she took over my room (literally, I couldn’t even go near it without her screaming at me), I had no place to escape to when she reared her head into the living room/kitchen.


It took all of ten minutes for Dom to irritate me to the point of wanting to murder her with my bare hands, so I forcibly kicked Louis out of his room with the threat that I’d explode if I didn’t get the hell away from his sister.


Louis’ room was a pigsty. Actually, I think I’d prefer a pigsty because his room was that bad. Opened Healer books and crumpled paper took over his desk. Broken quills, dirty underwear, and used towels littered the drink stained carpet. You couldn’t even sit on his black leather armchair because it had a two-foot high pile of old socks and a half-eaten slice of moldy pizza sitting on it.


His bed though, surprisingly, was made and looking completely out of place in his disgusting excuse for a room. He had navy blue pillows that matched his bed spread neatly against his dark brown maple wood headboard, and smaller, decorative light blue pillows that matched his walls placed in front of those.


He is seriously the first guy I’ve ever met that actually makes his bed. Austin didn’t even put sheets on his bed at school. When we moved in together, the idiot wouldn’t sleep in our bed for a week because I refused to sleep without them.


I was flicking through one of Louis’ magazines that I found beside his bed, when James, Louis, and Aidan burst through the door looking highly stressed and worn out.


“We need to get the fuck out of here, you in?” Aidan asked in a strained voice. I heard Dom screech again about how no one was paying attention to her, and I nodded instantly. Louis grabbed my hand, and within two seconds, we were gone.



“AL OR ROSIE, OPEN UP!” James called and Aidan and Louis pounded obnoxiously loud on the door. I stood behind them, awkwardly holding a plate of store-bought brownies. Apparently, James and Louis’ cousin, Rose, only lets you into their apartment unless you bring her food.


It took a full five minutes of James screaming and Aidan and Louis knocking for Rose to swing open the door. “Dear God, WHAT?!” She yelled, looking extremely exasperated and pissed.


Her auburn hair was all over the place and she was wearing a hastily thrown on, pale blue oxford with buttons done in the wrong places, black knee high socks, and plaid boxer shorts that were on backwards.


Then, standing a few feet behind her, there was an attractive blonde guy that was shirtless and in the midst of throwing on khaki shorts.


Okay, this is seriously too sketchy for words. Plus that is the worst haphazard-after-sex-rush-outfit I have ever seen.


You could practically see the cogs turning in the guy’s heads. “They were shagging!” Aidan finally blurted, and pointed an accusatory finger at Rose who narrowed her dark chocolate brown eyes at him.


Louis started gagging dramatically, and James glared daggers at the blonde guy. He tightened his hand into a fist, and Rose put a warning hand on his chest. “Don’t even think about it, James. I’m an adult now; I can do whatever the hell I want. We’ve had this discussion before, remember?” Rose asked, speaking to him as if he was four, and James nodded grudgingly. “Right, today’s my only day off this week and Al’s working so…” She said, and started to close the door to go back and fuck her boyfriend, but Louis put a hand on the door to stop her.


“Please, can we stay, Rosie? Dom took over our flat,” He pleaded, and Rose’s face softened slightly.


She looked back at the blonde guy, who was running a hand through his hair awkwardly, and she sighed. “Do you have food?”


Louis, Aidan, and James practically squealed with excitement, which made me take that as a yes. They pushed open the door the rest of the way and each took their turn in giving Rose a bone-crushing hug. They all ruffled her hair affectionately, making her grimace and attempt to fix it, but I think she knew it was a lost cause.


“Who are you?” Rose asked curiously, noticing me for the first time, and quirked a perfectly plucked eyebrow.


Before I could, Aidan answered for me. “This is our new flat mate, Charlie.” He said grinning, and put an arm casually around my shoulders.


Rose’s face instantly became sympathetic. “Oh dear, I feel for you. I really do. Is there still only grapefruit in the fridge and does the laundry room still smell like dung bombs?”


“I managed to squeeze some normal food in there somewhere, but there was nothing I could do about the dung bombs, unfortunately.”


“Words of advice, don’t let them con you into making all of their meals. They’re big boys, and they should figure it out for themselves.” She said, grinning, and patted James on the shoulder.


Despite the fact that they are big boys, I don’t think they’d be able to figure it out for themselves. Aidan can barely even make toast. It’s more than a little bit pathetic.


“Too late, they practically cried when I told them I wasn’t cooking for them the first time.”


They all started to protest immediately.


“We did not cry! Men don’t cry.”


“That never happened!”


“You’re over exaggerating!”


“And I’m a man, so I definitely didn’t cry.”


“I never took you for a straight up liar, Charlie.”


“If anything, we minorly pouted.”


I snorted at that last one.


“That is the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. Minorly pouted? You looked like you were a three year old that was told that Christmas was canceled!”


“LIES! LIES! LIES!” The chanted repeatedly, until Rose lazily flicked her wand to effectively shut them all up.


“Don’t give them their voices back no matter how much them beg you, Scorpius.” She told her boyfriend, and then she turned to me, smiled, and said, “Come on, let’s go to my room, eat these brownies, and watch the quidditch game.”


I grinned and followed her, leaving Aidan, Louis, and James attempting to silently plea a clueless Scorpius behind.


Here’s what I learned today: Dom = Nutcase. Rose = Awesome.



A/N: HI EVERYBODY! Sorry I haven’t updated this in a while but I wanted to update Love Goddesses and Enemies with Benefits before I put another chapter of this up, but I hope getting to meet some new characters made it worth the wait.


Speaking of new characters, how much did every one hate Dom? Despite the fact that she’s insane and annoying as hell, she was actually a lot of fun to write. Do you like Rose? She’s already turning out to be one of my favorite characters. I don’t know why but I feel like there’s something badassish about her, and I like that.


And you should definitely check out the chapter images for the past two chapters made by dream_BIG. They’re amazing, and I’m going to ask for one for this chapter once it gets validated.


If you get the chance, then please leave a review. They honestly brighten my day, and I do respond to every one eventually! :D