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Hagwarts: A day in the life by smallwriter

Format: Short story
Chapters: 7
Word Count: 3,597

Rating: 15+
Warnings: No Warnings

Genres: Humor
Characters: Harry, Hermione, OC, Ron

First Published: 03/29/2004
Last Chapter: 04/05/2004
Last Updated: 04/05/2004

When I arrive at Hogwarts some strange happenings occur making me look like a fool.

Chapter 1: When I arrived
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I walked into the entrance hall, and I was being pushed around quite a bit.
"Wow, my first day at Hogwarts" I thought.
Just then there was a sudden commotion, everyone was running after me yelling.
"Get the snitch."
Where was the snitch?, I hadn't seen it. Just then Proffeser McGonagall clutched her hands around my neck, and said "Gotcha." Why was everyone after me, what had I done?
Mcgonagall then took me out onto the quidditch pitch, and she let me play, i felt so privelaged,
"Wow i get to play on my first day."
It was Slytherin verses Gryffindor. Just then Harry and Malfoy were both flying after me, Harry grabbed me and everyone cheered.
"What is going on?" I asked myself.
Just then I heard Lee Jordan saying
"Yes, Harry has caught the snitch, Gryffindor wins."
"No, it can't be."
I looked down to see what I had feared, I was golden, and I had wings, and yes I was indeed the snitch, I had eaten a snitch wing particle and used the polyjuice potion to turn into the snitch, I never thought it would work. What an idiot I had been. I then told everyone the story, they howled with laughter then i was sent to the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey guffawed for hours before giving me treatment. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Chapter 2: When i recovered
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Finally i had gotten out of the hospital wing, I wanted to be really dramatic so i flung open the shutters of the hospital wing. Then i realized that there were no shutters, and i just fell right out the widow. Let's just say i woke up to Find I'd been asleep for 3 weeks.
-Once i had gotten up I didn't dare open the shutters again even though they had put wire bars on it, which were by a sign that read "Idiots beware, one can ruin everything for the rest of ya."
I was so shocked and mad, but then I realized that I had gotten a bunch of get well cards from friends, which was a shock seeing as i didn't have any. Then i was about to read some when Madam Pomfrey said "Get outta here you fool, before you hurt yourself again." I grabbed my cards and left. I had to go to potions next so I did, then i ran into Hermione Granger. "Did you do your potions homework?" she asked me "Um yeah did you?" I asked, she just laughed over and over, until she fell on the floor in tears.
I thought that was odd then I went to potions and Snape called on me. " Define a mandrake." "Um I don't know "I said. "you idiot." Snape called me. "Well sorry I just got out of the hospital wing cut me some slack." I said angrily stompping out of the classroom. As i left I heard a roar of laughter from the class. Just what was so funny? I thought. Just then Seamus Finnigan waved at me. I waved back and he just rolled his eyes and turned around and walked away. I then turned around annoyed and saw Harry Potter. I then realized he had been behind me all day that was why Hermione laughed, that was why Snape had called me an idiot. that was why Seamus ignored me.
I ran away feeling like a fool. I went to read my getwell cards. "At least I have my cards." I thought. I read one. "Hope you feel better get well soon." It said Then I read the bottom and realized it read "Ps. Harry I've gotten all your homework for you." I was in complete disbelief. Those were Harry's cards. Could my days at Hogwarts get any worse? Maybe? Probably? Ok, Definately.

Chapter 3: maybe i'll just leave
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I had gotten so tired of being made fun of and hurting myself that I decided to pack up and leave. I had my luggage and I was ready to leave I was now in the entrance hall. Noone was going to step all over me anymore. Or so i thought. Just then people were trampoling all over me. Did they find this funny? Everbody seemed to love laughing at me. I always heard a guffaw about me here and there. "Ouch!" I was yelling in pain, how did I fall how were they stepping all over me. "Get off, move stop!!" i yelled. noone was listening. I tried moving my hands to grab their legs but my arms and legs seemed immobile i couldn't move. then a student who was five times my size walked toward me."Oh, no." Isaid Then the brown sole of the shoe wrenched into my stomache. "AHHHHHH!!!!" I yelled "Stop."Finally the kid moved all this dust was flying off me, what was up with that I had showered at least a week ago, or was it two? Oh well, anyway then one of the Weasley's came along Fred, maybe George, oh I don't really know, does it matter? Was he gonna help me out or not? Just them I realized Ron standing crudly on my knees. "Oww, Ron I use those." I said in agony. Just then Fred, or george, whoever pulled me out from under ron. I was so thankful but that's when I realized I was the entrance hall rug. I wafted up to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes recognizing my voice. "Oh, not you again, what do you have a boo boo?" She asked. "Um actually I have like 25 boo boo's and if you could mend them I would greatly appreciate seeing as I've been the butt of many a cruel jokes." I informed her."Oh well i grew up being called poppy, take that." She said pouting. "Are you gonna get up in my face?" I asked."um are you suggesting we take this outside?" she asked "No, did it sound like I said that, no I don't think so, so please just change me back, and go to counseling please,honestly poppy." I said. She pouted As she transfigurred me back to being me. "Thank you" I said, and then left. I felt so cool, I just dissed madam pomfrey. Just then Peeves hit me in the head with an anvil, and Madam Pomfrey laughed for hours on end, and I would know because I sat there half unconscies as she laughed.

Chapter 4: Framed, by the fat lady
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Once I had regained my strength I left the hospital wing, and decided to head back to the common room. "Password?" The fat lady in the portrait said."Um, i don't know it, I've practically been in the infirmary all week, can you give me a break just this once?"I asked pleadingly. "Um no how do I know your not just faking it and your in another house?" She asked. "Does this look like the face of a liar?" I asked with a twinkle in my eye. "Well if we're being honest yes you do look like a lying brat." She said smugly. "What, but I'm not lying please." I said. "Right if your not lying then i'm the skinny lady in the portrait hole." She said with a chuckle. "What am I supposed to do now?" I asked. "Well, we could make a deal." She said plainly. "Um sure ok anything i'll do it just let me in." I said. "OK you stay here while I go visit Sir Cadogen in his portrait, and then i'll let you in." She said grinning. "Ok, I'll do it, it's not like it will take all that long anyway." I said.
She stepped out of her portrait and let me in. "Buh-bye" I heard her say as she cackled until I was no longer able to hear her. "She'll come back, she has to." I said to myself. I waited two hours, three hours, seven and a half hours, 'OK maybe she wasn't coming back." I said to myself. "Gosh I'm always tricked." i said angrily. Soon enough I fell asleep.
I woke abruptly to the sound of mischevious children frolicking through the halls, way past my bed time, so it had to be atleast 6:30 P.m It was Slytherin they had come to torment the fat lady. "Wait she's not fat." said Draco Malfoy. "Oh, this isn't her but oh well just as good." he said laughing. they all chuckled along with him. The started their rampage by throwing eggs at me, then toothpaste, which wasn't buggle gum flavored, and then last but not least butterbeer was strewn all over me. "Great, just great , how am i ever gonna get these stains out." I thought. "Someone's coming everyone hide." Vincent Crabbe said as everyone ran. "Help I called help, I need help." I called Just then the footsteps got closer and a familiar face turned the corner to face me. It was,ughh!!!, Madam Pomfrey." Ah if it isn't you, I would have paid to see this happen, oh wait I paid Malfoy to do it, but only it was you instead of the fat lady, but oh well twice as good.!" Poppy said with triumph."Oh come on now, you wouldn't leave a poor inoccent student hear in the middle of the night would you?" I asked pleadingly. "Um, yeah in case you haven't noticed you are like really annoying." She said. "Ugh, well your not exactly my best friend either, POPPY!" I said. "Fine, fine fine, I'll let you go but only because I'll get fired if I don't." she said a little dissapointed. "Thank you." I said with relief. She pulled out her wand and got me out, then she got out some shaving cream, and got it all over me while she laughed. "Ha ha sucker." she said. "Um, aren't you a little old for this?" I asked. "Aren't you a little to gullable to be in Gryffindor?" she asked. I had no come back so I just gave up and followed some first years into the common room.
next chapter soon,please review!

Chapter 5: Mischeif day
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I was up in the dorm with Ginny, Hermione, and Parvati when they informed me that every night on April the first they have a mischeif night. It was April the first. "Everyone has a target, and this year once again, i'm Ron's." said Hermione looking miserable. "Yeah, I'm Colin's." said Ginny. "Oh, no one has ever gotten me." Parvati said quite satisfied with herself. "Who do you think will get you?" asked Hermione. "Oh I don't really know, maybe no one will bother." I said lying, because I knew madam Pomfrey would have something up her sleeve. "Ok well we better get to class then." said Ginny getting up and starting downstairs. Suddenly there was a scream, and Ginny came back upstairs covered in egg yoke. Then Hermione walked down the steps carefully with a bucket of flour in her hands, but it was too late Ron had thrown a boggart in her face. I then carefully walked downstairs thinking Poppy was going to be getting me any minute.
Believe it or not it was already third period, and no one had gotten me, I was so proud. Then McGonagall told me that i needed to go see Dumbledore in his office. I got up from my seat and walked out of the classroom. I was worried, had I misbehaved, was I being expelled? Just as I was passing the girl's bathroom, Madam pomfrey pulled me in and thrust my head into a toilet and gave me a swirley. I was so mad, she ran off with a mad dash. I ran after her soaking wet. She must have had this all planned out, because when we reached the great hall she dashed for a table where there was a slip and slide set up. She dashed right on to it, she was cruising down the strip, and she was looking back and cackling every chance she got. I jumped on the slip and slide, I was a few feet away. If i could just grab her foot i could throw her off the slip and slide. I got it she cried, but I got out my wand and cast aspell so that she fell into the sewage moat that lay underneath the table. "Ugh, I can't believe you little brat, how can you out prank me, it's not fair, I'm telling my mom." she wined. "Are you like three, you should be happy i haven't told Dumbledore about you yet." I said. "Well, you're just a big meanie!" she said sticking out her tongue. "Um right, you better go up to your wing before Dumbledore get's here." i said. "fine, but I'll get you back, I have a plan." she said witha grin. Then she left.
I knew Poppy probably had something really good in store, so I waited for her lunch break to go into her wing, and search for clues. I walked in and immediately saw the sign put by the window i had once fallen out of, but I put those thoughts aside and kept looking. I saw a piece of parper labeled, "Get that really annoying Gryffindor kid." Wow she couldn't have made that more obvous. I picked up the paper and unfolded it. She had planned to wait until I was asleep then come in my room, and swing down on a rope with an anvil, and drop it on my head, causing me great injury. I had a plan, I quickly left the evidence as it was and left.
I went up to my dorm, and saw a suspicious rope hanging over my bed. I went up and cut it so it was hanging by a thread. Then I stuffed my bed with puffskeins. My work was done so after the feast I waited until everyone was alsleep and hid behind my dresser. At around 11:15 I heard her, Poppy, she was hooking herself onto the rope. Then i heard her swing down then a sanp, then a yelp, then a bloodcurdling scream. Yes I got her. Hermione, Ginny, and parvati woke up. We all walked over to see none other than Madam Pomfrey sitting with about a dozen puffskeins. Dumbledore suddenly burst in."what is going on in he-- Poppy?" he asked. "um yeah." she said painfully. "Oh so it's been you putting this gryffindor throught all this pain the whole year?" asked Dumbledore. "Um yeah." said Poppy. "Well then you'll have to be sent sraight to St. mungo's to be checked out for insanity." he said. "What, but that little brat..." stuttered Poppy. Suddenly three workers from St. Mungo's came and took Poppy away. When she left Dumbledore looked delighted." Dude, i've totally been waiting for someone to prove her insane, good one." Dumbledore said. "Uh thanks." I said.
RR please!

Chapter 6: Poppy's back
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I was having a wonderful time, now that Poppy was gone. I was doing well in all of my classes, and I had finally made some friends.
I was walking on my way to Transfiguration when I heard a low cackle. I looked out the window, and over at the womping willow where I saw Madam pomfrey. She was sitting in a treehouse in her rocking chair. I opened the window. "What in the freakin' world, are you doing over in that treehouse?" I asked. "Well, i was released from St. mungo's, but Dumbledore fired me so i had to go somewhere, and I figured here would be the perfect spot." She said with a guffaw. " "Ok, what the heck why don't you go somewhere else, maybe somewhere where people actually like you." I suggested. "Well, if I went somewhere else I wouldn't be able to get back at you." Poppy said. " Well, why would you want to?" I asked. "Well, because you got me fired, and because your pathetic." She said. "Me pathetic? You're the one living in a treehouse, in a willow that womps things." I said with a grin. "Oh, you are so going down tonight, me and my gang will get you, meet me at 9:00 in the forbidden forest." she said. "Ok, fine I can take you and your whole gang on." I said. "Fine." she said. "Fine." i said . Poppy then stuck her tongue out at me and I walked off.
At 8:30 I decided to make my way down to the forbidden forest. I waited, and then madam Pomfrey, and two other people arrived. 'Well, these are my gang members Floppy, and Doppy." said Poppy. "oh, and now just what will we be competing in?" I asked. "We will be playing the ultimate game of hide and go seek." Poppy said smiling. "Ok then let's go." I said. "Fine, well we're counting first." Poppy said. "ok, I'll hide seeya." I said running away. i ran and then hid next to aragog. Aragog and I had become good friends,after Poppy had shoved me down with him once. "Oh hey." I said. "Evenin'" He said. "I'm hiding from poppy." I said. "Oh, ok." he said. then we sat there and waited.
After 3 hours I heard poppy approaching. "Psst, I'll get Poppy, if you bring me food from the feast tomorrow." Aragog said. "Sure." I said, and then we did our secret handshake. He leaped out of his spider hole, and attacked Poppy, Floppy, and Doppy. they screamed. Floppy wet his pants. When I got out of the hole, all I saw was 3 school emblums, Hogwarts for Poppy, Durmstrang for Doppy, and Beauxbatons for Floppy. I happily left and headed up for the castle, but then I decided to have a look up in Poppy's treehouse. When I got up there i saw that Aragog had tied her up inside. I took all her things and threw them out the window. She squealed. I then laughed, and then i left. I went back upto the school, and went to sleep.
The next day I looked out the window, and saw Poppy, she was untied. She was looking quite upset, and then I saw Dumbledore looking up at her and laughing outside. Then later on I gave food to Aragog, and he thanked me, we then decided to have a club. the members were Aragog, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and I. We had weekly meetings where we practiced our secret handshale and plotted against Poppy. next week we were gonna T.P. her treehouse.
Write soon, it will be more comical next chapter.

Chapter 7: The last straw
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I was roaming the hogwarts halls one last time, taking everything in. Everwhere I looked was a memory. Not necessarily a good memory, but a memory. Over ther in the great hall was where I chased Madam Pomfrey on the slip and slide, and there's where Madam Pomfrey gave me a swirly. there's where I was snitch, and where I was egged in the portrait hole, and ther's where I was as a rug. Oh, and down ther is where I met Poppy for a duel between, her gang and I. Wow, what times I had. I went and put on my cap and gown. I made my way into the great hall. I sat down next to hermione, and Ginny. I waited for my name to be called, for my diploma. I was next alphabetically I knew it. Next, ---------- ---------, and they said, it. I tried to stand but i couldn't I couldn't get out of my seat, I was glued down. "Um, your diploma." They called. "I can't get up someone has put glue on my seat." I said loudly. Suddenly a high pitched cackle arose from the sky, where Madam Pomfrey was hovering. "Ha, I finally got you, and on you last night, and let me just say, it has been an honor tormenting you." she said. "I had feared something to this degree might happen so i had planned a surprise attack. Just then Peeves came in and coverd her in slugs, then he threw her off her broom, and She landed in Dumbledore's lap. "Eww, cootie's" He said throwing her off in discust. Just then some dementers came, and took her away, she was going to Azkaban. "Yes!!!" I yelled. Dumbledore freed me from the bench, and i got my diploma.
10 years later.....
I was living with my family in America, far far from Madam Pomfrey. Some say she got out a year ago and is looking for me, others just say she sits in Azkaban and cakles. Well, it really doesn't matter to me anyway, unless there is a sequal to this story.....
Well, this is the end of this fan fic. I have other stories, i will be starting a new fan fic soon. i'm currently working on a fic called Ron: Behind the scenes (Humor). I have finished a fan ficc called, odd hogwarts(Song fic). If you feel ther should be a sequal to this story, I will consider it leave me some reviews.
Thank you for the reviews, and the reads!