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R.A.B: A Memoir by dancingfat

Format: Novella
Chapters: 2
Word Count: 3,505
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Contains Slash (Same-Sex Pairing)

Genres: Drama, Romance, AU
Characters: Regulus, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing

First Published: 01/14/2010
Last Chapter: 03/28/2010
Last Updated: 03/28/2010


This is the story of Regulus Black, the dark haired, the flawless, the beautiful - yet broken, Regulus Black. This is also a story of Eleanor Collison, also dark haired, almost as flawless and beautiful - and equally as broken. This is a memoir consisting of the story of Regulus Black and Eleanor Collison, how they became, how they existed and how they fell apart.

Chapter 1: Prologue & The Library
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0. Prologue

At first, I didn't like him at all. His stupid, messy black hair and his dull, hooded demeanour. I was told you couldn't expect anything more from a Black. They all kept to themselves, and if they weren’t brooding alone in one of the darkest corners of the castle you would never see them straying from their little molecule of purebloods. Regulus Black wasn't any different and his determination to remain void of any real human interaction and to act completely indifferent to anything that happened within the castle, to put it frankly, pissed me off. But I suppose it wasn't any of my business, and us residing in two houses that had nothing in common, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, with the exception that we shared our daily meals and the odd lesson or two together, amplified the fact that I should’ve just left the matter, and I suppose him, alone.

But to be blunt I fell in love with him. To completely disregard all his faults and the faults of his family, friends and later on him joining the Death Eaters, was difficult but I realised I didn't need to. When I fell love with him I fell in love with everything wrong about falling in love with him and subsequently everything wrong about him. I fell in love with Regulus Black, and from that day on I would’ve never, ever fallen for someone else as I did for him.

This is a memoir. This is not a recount of my life at Hogwarts. This does not begin with an introduction, and then a major conflict, and it
does not finish with a flourishing, tear-jerking resolution. This contains solely of the memory of a dull, sensitive wizard boy named Regulus Black and the stupid girl who fell in love with him.

1. The Library

The first time I saw him was when he was slouched on the wooden stool with the Sorting Hat drooped lifelessly over his mop of hair, when there was no surprise to anyone when the slit in the hat hissed ‘Slytherin!’. But that is irrelevant as for first year he was just a shadow whom I passed by unnoticed. Second year he was the brooding leader of a pack of subordinate Slytherins. Third year was the beginning of his infamous year of Quidditch. Fourth year, however, mattered, as fourth year was the year he met me.

The first time I acknowledged his existence wasn't an accident, his appearance in the library was frequent and it was only a matter of chance that we would eventually bump into one another. He sat in one of the most comfortable seats in the castle library and dozed off with a thick, leather bound book on the dark arts leaning on his chest. This certain chair was seated directly underneath one of the candle lamps and the light submerged his face in a sickish yellow glow, enhancing his classic Black features, angular, beautiful and flawless. I was seated on the opposite side of the room, with the rotting parchment of an old wizarding classic clutched in my fingers, my stupor only broken when Madam Pince’s frantic shrieks of ‘centuries of years old!’ and ‘ruined parchment!’ shattered my eardrums. This awoke Regulus also, and he glanced around furtively before placing the book down carefully on the table beside him and disappearing off between the shelves.

After that my Black sensor seemed to heighten and I saw him everywhere, the corridors, coming out of classes, studying by the lake. He was always, just, there. But he never noticed me; I don’t even think he even knew me. At that point it wasn’t love, it wasn’t even lust, yet all I knew was that I wanted to know him, to be near him, to be the person, to be the only person he could tell things to.

However all this angst wasn’t built up inside me. I did have a few sponge-boards to soak up the sentimental vomit that frothed at my lips every so often. Adelia Carina of Ravenclaw, also known as Dell – your atypical ultra feminine lesbian, and Alex Keid also of Ravenclaw – the boy whose name is inscribed alongside a love heart on nearly every desk in the castle. We were friends; always there for each other.

Naturally their reactions to my sudden… fascination with Black weren’t the most positive of sorts.

“He’s a git.” Dell spat.

We were in the Ravenclaw common room at the time, it was dusk and the stars on the ceiling had just begun to appear.

“He’s an ass, and Len, I don’t understand why you like him.”

“He’s not an ass. And I don’t like him.” I retorted.

“Yeah, alright Eleanor, just wait till Alex hears about this …”

“There’s just something about him.”

“Um, yeah, the fact that he’s fucky in the head?”

“You’re only saying that because he hangs around the Death Eaters to-be.”

“No, that’s exactly why I’m saying that.”

I rolled my eyes and adjusted my position on luxuriously cushioned seat. The common room was starting to fill with stragglers from dinner, and the worn out textbooks, parchment and quills were just beginning to make their appearance for Ravenclaw’s nightly after dinner study session.

“I guess we should call Alex back from the empty classroom I saw him sneak into earlier.” Dell grimaced.

“Why, what is he doing?”

“The usual. I think this time she was from Hufflepuff.”

With an exasperated sigh she manoeuvred her way around the first years sprawled on the floor, their small mushroom heads heads buried into A Standard Book of Spells, and headed out the large arched doorway that marked the entrance of the Ravenclaw dormitory and lead to the rest of the castle. Adelia was usually the one to interrupt Alex’s nightly shenanigans, she had a quick and easy method as to drawing him out of the room, and his victim away. Due to her sexuality it was obvious she wasn’t attracted to him and allowed the girl to leave without having a blown out jealous rampage. This happened so often it was not surprising that the whole year caught on to Alex’s frequent fooling around, however this did not decrease the gaggle of girls that followed him around constantly. Being his best friend – and heterosexual – this made me subject to numerous injury inducing owls, howlers and pus-spewing hate mail.

Adelia’s opinion on Black didn’t bother me, after all, he wasn’t in the exact … demographic of people she was drawn towards. The con of having a homosexual best friend was the fact that she gave pathetic advice on the opposite gender. Sure it gave a unique perspective as to what I should do in such a situation – but most of the time it was useless.

Pouring out my emotional spew to Alex was an entirely different matter. Finally getting him relatively alone, I decided that a history lesson on a morbidly humid Friday afternoon was the best time to start the conversation.

“Psst.” I stabbed Alex in the thigh with my wand. “Wake up.”


“Alex.” I jabbed him again.

With his head in his arms on the desk, he turned blearily to face me.


“As usual, Adelia’s advice was pathetic so I need help from someone relatively sane.”

“Now? Really? While I’m sleeping?” Alex rose from the comfort of his arms and picked out the bits of love-parchment from his hair. A glance at his desk revealed it was already littered with the repulsive pink things.

Clearing his table of them with one vigorous swipe – to the outrage of my fellow female classmates – I described my situation.

“You saw him in the library, and now you’re in love with him.”

Alex stated this fact as bluntly as one possibly could, and though I felt the immediate impulse to deny it, the statement felt, well, right. Despite this I recoiled, and as convincingly as I could, retaliated:

“I’m not in love with him!”

This pathetic, classic line caused Alex to deploy a blaring snort of laughter. Professor Binns floating at the front of the classroom paused, blinked once, and then returned to reading aloud the history of goblin wars in the 15th century.

“Okay Len, so you’re not in love with him. Why is he a problem then?”

“I just want to know him, I want to, as stupid as this sounds, be his friend, but I can’t. For one he’s in Slytherin, and secondly his reputation isn’t exactly … pure. He hangs around with the crowd that are most certain to become Death Eaters, he spends his spare time reading ancient books on serious dark magic from the Restricted Section, he doesn’t talk to anyone, and he –“

“Yeah, okay I got it. Look, just leave it a while. If you know how wrong he is for you, you’ll eventually get over it. Give it a few weeks, and I’ll find you a good-looking Ravenclaw to pine after. Meanwhile, let me sleep Len.”

As I tried to think up an excuse to disagree with his logic, a loud, drawn out snore from the desk beside me signified that I should keep my gob shut and listen to Binns riveting monologue on goblin wars.

Though this advice may have been expected, as well as undesired, I went through with it anyway. I stopped sitting in that particular chair in the library, I tried to not glance over at the Slytherin table during meals, I attempted to avoid him during classes at all times. And for a while it was going surprisingly well.

It had gotten up to around mid-year exams, when fighting for a desk in the library became a full blown out war between students. Houses pitted against each other, and being the more academically inclined house, Ravenclaws were the most furious, so much so that it always came to a point where the majority of the desks were claimed proudly by Hogwarts students with a blue tie, leaving the rejected soldiers being swatted out by Madam Pince.

Myself, not being such a passionate fighter for library desk seats, was part of the rejected crowd and we began to disperse in a flurry to find a suitable study area. Amongst the sudden blur of swishing robes I walked blindly, straight into Regulus Black.

And it wasn’t even a slight bump, it was a full on, concussion inducing thwack, naturally causing both of us to trip and fall rather foolishly.

Pride being a Black characteristic, and Regulus certainly not being an exception, embarrassment was not something he took lightly. So naturally, despite my continuous mutters of ‘sorry’, he got up with a seamless flair, turned and glanced at me before striding off down the corridor.

The expression on his face as we made that miniscule of a second long eye contact was simply blank and empty, but his eyes, his dull navy eyes, had an expression of complete, utter disgust.

A Regulus fic as a birthday present for my friend who is utterly in love with him and is disappointed at the amount of Regulus fic here.
Enjoy I guess, review, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEA.

Chapter 2: Charms
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2. Charms.

“10 minutes to go!” Professor Flitwick squeaked from his regular perch of books at the front of the classroom.

It was the last yearly exam – one I was particularly glad to have end quickly. There was only 10 minutes to go and naturally I had finished long ago, left to sit at my desk twirling my quill between my fingers. As the sand in the hourglass slowly trickled down, the only sounds in the classroom was the scratching of quills, rustling of parchment, an occasional hoarse cough. The quietness was always so calming.

Seated two rows to the front, one seat to the left was Regulus Black, staring absentmindedly at his inkpot and scratching illegible scribbles into his desk. Charms with the Slytherins was usually an unpleasant ordeal, with numerous spells being cast under tables – upturning of ink pots, breaking of quills, sawing of table and chair legs - however being only a few days before students were allowed to go home, all attention was focused on getting the exam done.

The line for the weekend Hogsmeade trip was the longest ever. Filch stood with the Secrecy Sensor as his only weapon, hunched over with Mrs. Norris clutched protectively in his spare hand. Adelia and Alex were arguing as usual, and the line shuffled slowly forward.

“I swear by the time we get to the top of the line, everyone will be back for dinner,” I broke in.

They paused, blinked, then continued to spit angrily at each other. I dismissed it as another girl issue and left to relieve my bladder. They wouldn’t miss me anyway.

By the time I got back the line had reduced significantly.

“Where the hell did you go Eleanor? Filch got some teacher to put up a charm sensor thing instead of him having to physically search each of us. I really don’t understand what his job is if anything he does could be done faster and much more efficiently with magic anyway,’ Adelia said indignantly.

She was still fuming. Alex picked absentmindedly at a loose thread in his coat.

We walked through the charm and rushed over to The Three Broomsticks, bursting through its doors in relief.

“Butterbeer! Finally!” Alex exclaimed, and headed over to a table tucked into one of the many corners of the pub. I went to collect the butterbeers while Adelia followed Alex to the table.

I could barely get through to the bar, let alone yell out my order and be heard over the hubbub so I was left to trail off to the side and attempt to take any opportunity to reach one of the bartenders. Considering going back to the table and getting Alex to use his admirable philandering skills to get through, I began to head back.

To this day I swear on my life it was fate. It’s stupid, it’s cheesy, but it was fate.

As I headed back to our table, Professor Flitwick spotted me and motioned me over. Confused, I wove my way through the tables towards him.

“Eleanor! How are you enjoying this pleasant afternoon? I’ve got something to talk to you about, rather inconvenient really, especially so close to holidays … are you going home for the two weeks?”

“No, Professor. What’s wrong?”

“Well it seems, someone, or rather, Peeves, broke in and created a tremendous muck in our staffroom and, well, we appear to be missing a few of your papers. Two, in fact. I don’t suppose you know where this is heading …”

“You want me to resit the exam? But Professor …”

“Yes, yes, it is extremely vexing. Would next week do? Perhaps the first day of holidays?”

“Er, okay. I’m sure that would be fine.”

“Lovely! Perfect! You wouldn’t mind telling the other student either would you? I can’t seem to find him, very difficult. Regulus Black, would be lovely if you could make sure he was there too. Get it done and over with, yes?”

“Regulus Black?”

Professor Flitwick nodded, or rather bobbed, up and down on his perch of books.

“Perfect! Regular charms room, straight after lunch. I’ll see you two there. You go off and enjoy yourself now,” he winked.

Stunned, I walked back to the table, blaming the sudden colour in my cheeks on the pub’s stuffy heat, and my quickening pulse on the stress of resitting the exam.

Alex roared with laughter, and the people occupying the surrounding tables glared over at us indignantly.

“Don’t be an insensitive jerk Alex.”

“Oh man, Dell, I’m not! But honestly you can’t swear to me that it is not slightly, or even just the tiny but completely HILARIOUS! And not even in a rude way! It’s like, that thing you chicks like to blame everything on… fate! It’s like fate or coincidence, whatever you want to call it. And it’s funny.” Alex chuckled, and took a sip from his butterbeer.

“Where’d you even get that from?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Oh, stole it from some first grader, want me to get you one? Might try get an extra one too, you could use it as some kind of peace treaty for Black. Or does he go for the harder stuff? Firewhiskey?”

He looked around the table expectantly, but when no one laughed, he shook his head.

“Girls. Girls. Calm down. No need to jump down my throat, I can be serious too.”

Alex made an attempt to imitate Adelia’s expression of repulsion.

“You look like a goblin’s backside,” Adelia rolled her eyes and turned to face me. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, I really don't know. Well I have to find him don’t I?”

“Or you could just tell Flitwick that you couldn’t.”

“No, no… I think I’ll tell him.”

“Well you’d better do it soon, don’t want Black failing his all important Charms exam because of you, eh?” Alex chuckled.

“You’re a little prick, aren’t you Alex,” Adelia spat out.

I grinned and conjured over a first graders butterbeer. A hearty nod of approval from Alex sent us both into bouts of laughter and led Adelia to follow suit. I’d worry about finding Black later.


Back in the common room, Adelia was finishing up her packing to head back home. I collected a few of my overdue library books and headed out to return them.

“Dell, I’ll meet you at dinner, yeah?”

“You’re not going to help me with this godforsaken packing?”

“It looks like you don’t really need anybody’s help.”

Adelia was never any good with tidying things up, or even just being organised in general. Odd socks and robes littered the floor around her four-poster bed.

“Screw you.”

I grinned and left the room.

Madam Pince scurried around the library, flourishing her wand, cleaning the dust off all the shelves. After placing the books to be returned on the counter, I walked quickly to the back of the library in search for a new novel.

After browsing the shelves I moved towards the couches with a stack of new books in my hand. As I reached the alcove I spotted the dark shape of a head in Black’s usual chair.

It was late afternoon and the candles had already been lit, casting flickering shadows around the room. Surely enough it was Regulas Black, probably intently reading another large, leather-bound book. I lingered around the shelves behind him, remembering Flitwick and the Charms exam. I began to panic, and now was considering telling Flitwick I couldn’t find him, he was in Slytherin anyway and almost always they were in their common room.

The fact that he was alone made it that much harder to suck it up and walk up to him. The silence was terrifying. I walked along the shelf tracing the spines, trying to calm myself.

Why was I acting like this? Why was my chest beating so painfully? Why did I feel as though I would collapse at the slightest touch?

Black. Regulus Black, in all his terrible and flawless glory. He had the allure of something felonious, and I couldn’t stay away.

With this newfound terror, I turned back and headed straight to his chair.

“Regulas Black?”

He raised his eyes from his book, and stared at me, piercing navy eyes digging holes into what little confidence I had only just acquired.

“Who are you?”

“I’m – I’m Eleanor. I have Charms with you. Peeves – Professor Flitwick wanted me to tell you, you need redo your Charms exam.”


“It got misplaced. Or something.”

“He can’t locate it?”

He raised an eyebrow. God, he was so perfect.

“Doesn’t seem so. I have to do it too.”

“He couldn’t tell me this himself?”

“He told me he couldn’t find you.”


There was that silence again.

“You’re not going home for the holidays are you?”


The awkwardness only made it worse.

“Er okay … our regular Charms room then. First day of holidays. Right after lunch.”

His eyes were back on his book. I began to walk away. I didn’t know what else to do.

Suddenly, I felt his hand grab my arm. I turned and he looked at me, with a deathly curiosity.

“What was your name again?”

“El – Eleanor. Eleanor Collison.”

“You were the one who bumped into me in front of the library, no?”

“Uh … I guess so.”

He let go of my arm and returned, once again, to his book. I hurried away, shaking from head to toe.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.


Finally, here is chapter two. Kind of cheesy I know, I just really want to get into Black and Eleanor really interacting. All of this character intro and developing context and shit gets really monotonous, and I'm sure it does for you guys (assuming people are reading) too. Hopefully next chap will be up in a few days ... maybe.