You are viewing a story from

Daddy by beliieve_iin_magiic

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 3,808

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Angst, Young Adult
Characters: Harry, Lily (II)

First Published: 09/04/2009
Last Chapter: 03/15/2010
Last Updated: 03/15/2010


beautiful banner by HauntedElegance @ TDA!

My heart is racing, I can barely breathe.
The autumn air is so cold, it burns my lungs
My feet hurt and I'm freezing,
but I barely register that.

All I have to do is to get to you now.

'Daddy, come back.'

Chapter 1: Daddy
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Both characters belong to J.K Rowling.

Constructive Criticism Wanted.

The cool crisp autumn air brushed a loose hairstrand back, while I make my way to you. The sun is slowly sinking and the temperatures are dropping fast. I’m only wearing a white flowery summer dress. The fabric is thin, I’m freezing, but I don't care. I have to get to you.

Do you remember? This is your favourite dress, you said I look like Mum in this. The year I turned 15 I wore that on my birthday. You said I looked like an angel. Do you remember?

It’s a miracle that it still fits; well it was a little loose back then. I don't know how, but I didn't grow that much since then. James says I still look like a child. My legs and arms too skinny, too delicate, too vulnerable.

But I’m not. I’m strong. I only learned from the best. I learned it from you. I hold my head up; I won’t let anyone or anything bring me down.

Don’t you worry, daddy. You taught me well.

It’s starting to get dark. Shadows are cast all around me. I think I can see the moon now, still very dull in the pink sky. My feet hurt. I’m not wearing any shoes. You loved my feet; you loved the way my footprints look like. I have small delicate feet. You used to tug on them and asked what went wrong, why my feet remain this size.

I still have that little scar behind my pinkie, when I cut myself on the vase that I broke. I still remember how furious Mum was. She yelled at me for hours, while I held my bleeding finger. That stupid vase, it wasn't even pretty. It was a present from aunt Hermione, I know you didn't like it. Of course you didn't, but you loved Hermione and you loved Mom so you never said anything.

I, of course was stubborn, and didn't want James and Albus to think I was being whiny. Obviously it hurt. They would have laughed at me. You comforted me ‘til the middle of the night, brought me hot chocolate and sat there telling me about your time in Hogwarts.

Mum didn't know you were here. She’d be pissed off of course if she knew. I deserved my punishment.

When you talk about Hogwarts it sounds so glamorous. When I went there it wasn't. It was just a plain old boarding school. I think it lost its magic, yeah I guess it did.

I wear my hair open today. I normally tie it up to a pony tail or a neat bun. My new boss hates when I leave my hair loose. I have to tie it up. He says he wants a good impression; I as his PR manager have to portray the right image. He says they look messy.

You always complimented my red hair; you always said it reminded you of Mum. You loved them, I know you did.

I’m going through the forest now. It’s scary at night, but it’s okay. I’m going to be at yours pretty soon. The twigs cut my feet; the forest floor is covered with dry leaves, its own natural carpet. It’s pretty actually, different brown tones blending into eachother creating a collage of thousand different facets.

Life is hard right now, the job is really demanding. My boss is screaming at me a lot, though I know I’m his best worker. I work the hardest, I always give my best. Yeah, Mom did a good job too.

James came over yesterday to wish me happy birthday. I wished you would have taken your time to congratulate me too, of course Mom didn’t. Albus is doing great, he’s working with dragons right now, like uncle Charlie!

He wrote me a card. I really miss him.

James is still the same. God, I have so much to tell you when I’m there. He’s still a moody person, but you know that. I think he got the anger management problem from you didn't he? He’s getting engaged though! Oh, you probably already know that. Fiona is indeed a pretty girl and she’s good for James.

James seems happy. I hope you will be for him too. I miss them sometimes, but growing up isn’t always easy. I still get to see James a lot, but Albus is just too far away to see every weekend. I’m going to be Fiona’s maid in honor. She insisted. James was beaming the whole time while she told me.

He’s always been so overprotective, I guess in their eyes I will always be their baby sister. I’m 19 but I guess that’s still too young huh? James says I look like 15.

Hogwarts, I was there last summer. I know how much you loved that place. You’re eyes always glowed whenever you told me about it.

I’m almost there daddy. I just fell, cut my knees open. That stung. My feet hurt too and I’m tired, but it’s alright, only two more minutes or so and I’ll be there. You can aid me again. How’s Mum? Is she alright?

Are you happy?

I’m almost there. 

‘Daddy! Daddy, look!’

A little girl tugs on the hands of her father. His green eyes looked proudly into the two golden pools of his daughters gaze. Amused he lifted her up.

‘What baby? What do you want to show daddy?’

‘Look! Oh my god, I got accepted in Hogwarts.’, she screeched in delight.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘It means I’m a witch. Do you hear that? I’m smart. I got in, they CHOSE me’ Her eyes were even bigger now, they were filled with so much happiness and amazement that he couldn't help but start laughing heartily.

‘You’re happy.’, she said satisfied, as if she achieved the most glorious thing in her life. It was a simple statement, but the meaning behind it was so much deeper.

‘Yes Lily, I am. I am more than happy, for both me and you. And you know what else I am? I am proud. I am soo proud of you Lils.’

A smile spread across her face. ‘I love you, daddy’ 

I’m almost there, just across this little path. Oh god, it’s really cold now. The wind has picked up again. I think I just felt a raindrop on my nose. Looking at the sky I can see angry clouds forming. It doesn't look that good, the clouds are pulling together. I better hurry before I get wet. 

‘Aw dad come on. That’s lame!’

‘Lily no I don't want you to get in trouble again okay?’

‘Who are you kiddin? You just don't want me to go, because Scorpius is going as well. Mom always told you to get over it with his father. Really. It’s been SO long ago. I don’t like him okay? He’s with Rose and just please daddy, let me go will you?’

He hesitated. He locked eyes with his now beautiful 16 year old.

He gave a defeated sigh, her face lit up.

‘Yes, YES! Thank you! It's going to be a blast! Thank you so much’, she said throwing herself at him.

He still had a thoughtful expression.

‘I know you’re Mum hasn't really gone over this with you, but…’

‘Mom never taught me anything. She and I never really talked...’, her voice ice cold.

‘Lily Potter, do not speak ill of your mother. What did I taught you about respect? Anyways, as I was just saying…’, obviously he was nervous or embarrassed to tell her something. The way his eyes darted left and right totally gave him away.

‘He’s tapping his foot, he’s thinking hard.’, she thought.

‘What daddy?’, she sighed.

‘So. You're 16 and a girl.’

‘Uh yes, last time I checked I still have a…’

‘Yes, okay okay. No need to be so vulgar. I don't ever remember my girlfriends in Hogwarts speaking like the teenagers nowadays. So, when people become older, they often experience new feelings and they have…’

‘Dad, dad. Please just get to the point will you?’

‘OKAY! You're going on a trip with all your friends and you sleep together right? I mean boys and girl mixed? Like, I understand that you are old enough now, and I trust in you to be sensible. I know you’re sensible. And for god’s sake I hope you’re responsible.’

Then it started to dawn in her. He kept babbling. She couldn't help but giggle. It was just so funny to watch. By now a subtle tint of red has settled on his cheeks. He looked flustered and started making even bigger gestures with his hands.

She held her hands up defeated. ‘OH geeeez. Daddy! Let's not talk about this. It's weird. You're my DAD. So please. Yes, of course I am sensible and of course I’m responsible. I’m smarter than that and plus I know the charme…’ his face twisted in a shocked expression, to save this boat from completely sinking and turning into a pathetic wreck, she quickly added. …‘just in case I decide to… you know. Do it.’

He groaned. She just had to express it in this bland way. He was already glad that she didn't swear in front of him. Though it does slip sometimes. He mustered his daughter. She grew, her red wavy hair hung elegantly down her back. Her golden eyes were framed with thick lashes. But she looked so delicate, so fragile. In her eyes it was set though, he saw her confidence, she was fierce, and she knows what she wants.

He sighed; my little girl is growing up. She’s slipping away.

‘Just be careful darling.’

‘I will. I’ll miss you. Take care of yourself when I’m gone yes? It’s only a summer dad. I love you.’ 

I’m there. I’m a little out of breath. I ran the last way, I heard some weird sounds from the deep of the forest and I got scared. My dress tore, it got caught in a branch. I just wanted to look pretty for you. A constant drizzle started now. It annoys me, but at least it’s not pouring. I’d get a bad cold if it does start. I open the gate and step in. I walk straight up to you. You’ve been waiting, as always.

The reunion is as always pretty quiet. It just feels good to be in your presence again. I don’t know what to say, so much there is to tell you. I open my mouth, but close it again. I lean back on the heavy tree trunk and think about what I could tell you.

You’re patient. Of course you are. You don't ask about my bare feet, you don't ask about the torn dress, you’re quiet, waiting for me to start.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

‘Hi daddy,’ I whisper.

A smile lights up your face.

I can’t help but smile too seeing you like that. I don’t know how it began to be like this between us. Me talking, you simply listening.

‘I’ve missed you so much. It's been a year. Can you believe it? This long already! I’m sorry I haven’t been over for so long, but everything has been so busy. My job, planning James wedding, going shopping with Fiona, it all demands time. Have you met Fiona yet? Has James brought her over sometime? You should meet her. She’s a sweet and gentle soul. She really is perfect for James. You know how he is. I think you only know too well, how you were when you were younger.

I’m really glad I got the calm character and didn't have to endure the torture of suffering under anger management problems.’

I laugh, a scary and hollow sound.

‘It was my birthday yesterday.’ Statement. I open my eyes accusingly, but close them again.

You listen to me intently.

‘It was good, James of course came over and a couple friends and colleagues; they threw me a surprise party. James was such a sweetie; he made me a chocolate fudge cake, double chocolate. He actually made it. Homemade. It was touching. The cake was salty.

We partied long.’

His brows cringe in worry, or is it anger?

‘Don't worry, there was alcohol, but I didn't drink that much. Albus sent me a card telling me he is so sorry for not coming. He misses me a lot, he wishes he could have come over, but his female dragon just gave birth to a little one. He sent me a picture. It looks adorable. How come you didn't say happy birthday? Did you forget?

My work? It's fine. It’s great actually. I got a pay raise. I just moved into my new flat, it’s huge, but I live alone. I’m concentrating on my career; I don't really have time for my love life. Yes, I am lonely. But I have my friends and I have James. Are you lonely daddy?

My boss? He’s a real ass, he treats me like the last shit. But I know he loves me. He has to, I’m his best worker there. My colleagues are suck-ups and they also don't take me seriously. I am young, but I look even younger. No wonder.

I lost weight, daddy.’ 

Your eyes widen in shock, his eyes filled with sorrow.

‘It’s not that bad, but isn’t it great? I fit in my birthday dress again. The one you bought me. You remember? Look, this, the white one. Yeah, I tore it. I’m sorry, but it still looks great.

The sadness is still etched in those green eyes.

‘Yes, I’m sorry dad. I hope you’re okay, daddy. I hope you’re feeling fine right now. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but I visit you every year.’ 

You shakes your head, disappointment reflecting in your entire face.

A stab to my heart. Guilt wells up inside me.

You're attempting to turn away. 


‘Dad will you just please come and help me close the trunk?’


‘Look, Dad. Albus isn’t here, James is showering. Can’t you just PLEASE come for a SECOND.’


Startled she stepped backwards. Her father towered above her. Hostility and anger showing in his eyes. She was never scared of her father, she’s never seen him so mad before. In his hands he held a picture of her mother. Clutched tightly.

A glance at the back she saw two bottles of whiskey.

‘You’ve been drinking again’, she whispered.

‘Young lady, go to your room. I said I was busy.’, he roared.

Now she was getting angry.

‘Busy what? Busy what huh dad? Drinking, sulking, moping? That’s all you have been doing in the entire summer haven’t you? Right after I left for Spain with my friends. Don't try to deny it Dad. Mum isn’t coming back. She never will!’

In my own anger I didn't realize how I raised my voice and before I could regret it the last comment slipped out. Silence fell upon us. The last sentence hovered in the room. The air seemed to be electrified; it was so tense I felt the back of her hair stand up.

‘I’m sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to….’

He waved his hand, halting her. He’s going to scream now. He’s fuming, but when he spoke his voice was calm, ice in his voice.

‘You killed her. It was you. You never listened. You were always so loud, so irresponsible. You didn't care, that she was dying. Did you? Huh, now did you LILY? You were always so self-centered. You only cared about yourself, you never gave a thought about all the other family members did you? NOW DID YOU? Tell me! Were you beside her when she screamed in pain, were you there when she need our support, Fuck. Lily, where were you? Out partying? With your friends? Sleeping with some guy? You killed her. It killed her. You’re actions. She was already sick, but your behaviour killed her.’

He turned and stomped away, banging the door. Tears were streaming down my face. My hands were shaking violently and I could feel all the blood rushing out of my face.. The sadness inside could have killed me, the guilt, this… this FEELING inside threatened to drown me. 

‘Oh come on Dad. You can’t be pissed about that. I told you I was busy.’ 

You refuse to look at me, your shoulders slumped, you didn't care. Aymore. This conversation was over.

Anger so strong welled up inside my chest. I couldn't hold it back. I stood up, my eyes flying open. My blood was boiling.

‘WHAT? DAD. WHAT? What about you? Don’t act like you are such a saint. Don't give me that shit. Don't try to blame Mum’s death on me. It had NOTHING to do with me. She was ignorant, she thought she would get better, I thought she would get better. YOU fucking thought that too. Don't act like you knew from the start it was lost cause.

You blame it all on me, because you needed someone to blame it on. You can’t accept your failures. You’ve been great, you’ve been glorious, you destroyed the Dark Lord. You achieved everything you ever wanted. Hogwarts, Voldemort, your love Ginny Weasley.

Did she ever love me? She adored James. She was basically OBSESSED with him. She never cared about me, now did she? She never did. Dad! You know she never did. She never loved me for a second. You loved me. I know you did, you held me when I cried, you were there when I bought my wand, when I came back from Hogwarts every year. Where the fuck was Mum then?’

Tears were dripping from my face onto the floor. My heart was about to burst, the pain is too much… just too much.

‘She wasn't sick now was she? When I was 5, 6, 7? She started to feel ill when I was 14. 14 DAD, she could have loved me. Of course I loved her. I tried to get her attention, I tried so hard in class, and I joined Quidditch, for the same spot as her. I wrote songs, I mastered every class with ‘outstanding’. Did she notice me? NO. She never did. She had eyes for James. You know why? Cuz he looks like you. Your hair, your eyes, your smile.

You both loved eachother just so much, there wasn't any space for us. You loved Mom so much and she loved you SO much. Sometimes I think why you guys bothered having us? Her love wasn't enough to share with me now was it? It had to be concentrated on you. You should have never gotten us, we were just a disturbance. You had us because it was an act towards her wasn't it? It bonded you guys, we were part of you. But why the fuck didn't she love me? You were enough, you were complete, her love was all you.

And how much did you love her? HOW MUCH? Enough to have shared some with me? I know you loved me. You did, didn't you daddy? You said you did. I know you did. I saw it in your eyes, you loved me. And of course you still do.’

A shiver ran through my body as I gasp for air. You haven’t said a single word.

Tears resurfaced, this sadness, this… god its killing me.

‘Why daddy? Why…?’

The sobbing is incontrollable. I collapse on the floor and hit it with my fist.

‘You just didn't love me enough. You loved her more. I was willing to share, I was! I’m your daughter! You're right. Of course I wanted attention, I came home late, I did funky things, so she’d or YOU would notice me!

I love you so much, it hurts. You were my role model and most importantly you were my Dad. You couldn't have saved Mum. You know you couldn't have. Neither with magic, nor with muggle medicine. Cancer can't be healed, it’s just the way life is. You always told me to move on, then how come you never did? How come?

You left us. I was fucking 16 Dad. James had his own job; Albus was JUST done with Hogwarts. How could you have done this to us? Responsible. WERE YOU? Tell me. Why? We weren’t enough? Or because you were just too in love with Mom. Aunt Hermione took us in. Well took me in. James was furious with you Dad, Albus was too shocked and me Dad? I missed you. Every single day, every single moment of my life.

You vanished. I couldn't find you, no where. Not in Godric’s Hollow, not at Grandma’s. Your presence just faded like that. How could you. What were you thinking?’

You basically destroyed our family, we already lost Mum and then you just left us behind. James, you really want to know what became of James. He’s lost all sense of happiness and was filled with bitterness. You were his guidance, he looked up to you. So much Dad. It was such a blow to him you know that? He started drinking, it was Fiona who saved him. He’d act all tough infront of me. He wanted to be strong, and he really was.

Albus? Dad, the job he has wasn't his first choice and you know that! He left the country, because he had to escape his past, every page of it is etched with pain and dread. He couldn't take it anymore, so he left. He needed it, he needed to clear his mind. You have no idea how much you have hurt him.

And me? Daddy, I was your babygirl. I was so lost, I was basically a torn soul. You ripped my heart out when you left me. But as I said, we move on. We all did, everyone dealt with their own pain in their own way. Though James would never forgive you and I don't think Albus ever will, in my heart you stayed.

He’s hurting, the pain was too much to bear.

‘I’m still that little girl. I am that little girl again, which you tugged in bed every night. I only ever wanted to be loved, to be cared for. But Mom was more important, you needed her more.’

It was pouring now, my dress clung tightly onto my skin. I’m so cold. I’m calm now, a silence settled in. It's so eerie, it’s so scary. Here without you Dad. I stand up and take one last look.

And then I turn and walk away.

You’re gravestone slowly disappearing in the dark. 

‘I love you, Dad.’