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Looking for Lily by MagicofJam

Format: Novella
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,473
Status: WIP

Rating: 12+
Warnings: Mild Language, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature

Genres: Drama, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 04/10/2009
Last Chapter: 04/15/2009
Last Updated: 04/15/2009


Lily Evans is in her final year of Hogwarts. Thrown into the wizarding world as a muggle, Lily plans to prove her self-worth through making a life for herself on her own. But Lily is about to discover that life often gets in the way of her carefully-made plans. She suddenly has to deal with her conflicting feelings for James and tackle the everyday dramas of love, life and loss.

Chapter 1: Changed: A State of Being
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“Now Lily, you be careful,” my mother said with a tearful smile on her face. I chuckled.

“C’mon Mum, don’t cry,” I said, wrapping my arms around her small frame and planting a kiss on her cheek, taking in her familiar scent.

When we withdrew, she looked at me, as if seeing me for the first time. Her smile vanished, replaced with a sombre expression.

"Don't cry, Mum." But the tears kept falling down her cheeks. She gazed at me with the green eyes she had given me, her tears quickly becoming loud gut-wrenching sobs.

"Mum, please stop crying."  By this time, passers-by were beginning to stare at us. "Mum, please-" I begged, my words choking up. Seeing her like this broke my heart. I hugged her even tighter and we cried together on Platform 9 ¾.

I could feel her holding me, stroking the back of my hair as I shook uncontrollably.

"Oh, Lily. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

I opened my eyes, and found my face contorted and wet. I had been crying.

It has been five months since the death of my mother and I still found myself dreaming about her. I wasn't dreaming specifically about events that had happened, she just kept appearing out of nowhere. Particularly today, probably because it was September 1st. Every year since First Year at Hogwarts, when we had first discovered I was a witch, she and Dad had proudly farewelled me off to Hogwarts. This would be my last year at Hogwarts and my first year without her.

I was now in my Seventh year, and what's more, I was Head Girl. The years had flown by so quickly, that now, looking back, I could hardly believe I had arrived at my end.  I wiped my tear stained eyes, stretching my legs beneath my sheets and duvet. In less than a few hours, I would be home at Hogwarts.


“I'll pick you up as usual at Christmas. Same time, alright?” He managed gruffly. My dad and tears didn’t mix well. He patted me gently on the shoulder but I pulled him into a hug. He released me and then turned to a tall blonde girl standing by the side, carefully ignoring us.

“Petunia? You going to say goodbye to your sister?” he asked. I looked at her, almost allowing myself to hope that her resentment had faded, and that she still loved me. But as ritualistic as every year had been, Petunia shrugged and looked away coldly. Though her brusque manner was predictable, I couldn’t pretend it didn’t sting.

“It’s okay, Dad,” I sighed sadly. “Anyway I’ve got to go now. It’s almost 11.”

He only nodded stiffly. I continued to wave goodbye as I gripped my enormous trunk and made my way to the Hogwarts Express. My dad's face finally crumpled, a stray tear escaping his eye.

“Lily!” A familiar voice from behind me beckoned. I spun around and there was my best friend, Emerson Bennett, who grinned excitedly at me. “Wait up.”

Emerson was her familiar cute self, with a bounce in step as she approached. She wore her straight black hair down, spilling onto her back and fluttering as she walked. She was a little shorter than me and very petite.  Her camera, as usual was hanging from her neck. Photography was the love of Emerson's life. Her OTP (One True Pairing), or so she claimed. Her mum sometimes swore that she was born with a camera attached to her.

“Hey Lily!” She gave me a quick hug.

“Hi Emerson,” I said, smiling. There wasn't really much to say, we had already caught up when we shopped together for school supplies at Diagon Alley. We walked together in silence, both dragging heavy trunks. As we proceeded to board, Emerson gasped.

"Lily, wait!" I kept walking, knowing what was coming. "I mean it, back up here. This is the last time we're going to board the Hogwarts Express. We have to make it memorable," she said sternly. I sighed and turned around. She quickly turned the camera on us and held a peace sign with her fingers.

"Cheese!" She grinned and I grimaced. "Perfect," she said satisfactorily. And we resumed boarding.

“So, where’d you wanna sit?” She asked, eyeing a few compartments. I looked at her guiltily.

“Can’t Em, I got to go to the Heads compartment.” I explained. A new look dawned on her features, until her face formed a beam.

“I totally forgot! You’re Head Girl, Lily!” She said.

“I know,” I chuckled, almost rolling my eyes. When Em was cheerful, she liked to overstate everything.

“Alright, go on then. I’ll see you later,” she said smiling back at me and pulling her trunk a long.

“See you,” I called. Turning in the opposite direction, I spun around suddenly, colliding into someone very tall.

“Oh sorry,” I said automatically. I looked up to see a boy of 17 years, whose eyes were on mine, and mouth forming an almost-smile.
“Oh, it’s just you.” I said coldly. James Potter just stood there, his eyes amused and his face innocently calm.

“Hey Lily,” he said, casually. A shock rang through my ears. He’d just called me Lily. My first name. Not Evans. And he made it sound so casual, as if he had no clue I had spent the better part of my life detesting his very being. Right, well…that was weird.

“Hi,” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

“Congratulations on making Head Girl,” he said, his face genuine.  My brows furrowed in confusion. This was not the Potter I’d known. Here he was, being polite and civil, his usual arrogant self absent . It was a totally new experience for me.

“Th-Thanks?,” I managed. There was an awkward pause. “Well…if you’d just excuse me, I actually have to be getting to the Heads Compartment now,” I said, a tad pompously, his very presence brought out my bad side. I tried to manoeuvre myself around him in the cramped hallway. I strode purposefully, sure that I was probably late by now.

“Oh, me too,” he said, from behind me. I spun around so quickly, that we collided a second time. I looked up, surprised at the blush I saw in his cheeks at my touch.

“You’re Head Boy?” I blurted. I kept my face carefully composed and my tone neutral, though my palms tingled as the urge to hit something surged through me. His eyes were wickedly amused and the smirk on his face grew more pronounced.

“That I am,” he answered, somewhat cockily. How on earth, the absurdly arrogant, James Potter, an infamous Marauder, boisterous prankster, master trickster and butt-faced miscreant with a bad attitude could have achieved Head Boy, was unbeknownst to me. I clenched my fists and my lips drew into a grim line.

“Congratulations Potter.” I said stiffly, walking away from him, but he kept up easily.

“Are you…surprised?” he asked, his voice tentative.

“Unpleasantly so,” I muttered icily. I couldn’t see his expression, but he remained quiet which confused me even further. There were no witty come-backs, no smart remarks and clearly no presence of the arrogant, bullying toe-rag I believed to be James Potter. 

Giving instructions to the Prefects was something I thought I would have to do, with the Head Boy being James and all. But I almost fell over backwards when James stepped up to the task and started acting…well, responsible. He gave each Prefect careful instructions and guidelines that restricted them. He spoke authoritatively, although he remained good-naturedly humorous. Hmmm…maybe James had changed. But I almost burst out laughing, for the very idea that James Potter had transformed into someone moderately mature was laughable and anyone sane would agree with me.

I shook my head. From 1st Year, James and his friends, Sirius, Remus and Peter were mischief-makers and not at all in a good way. Having a bit of fun, being a tad rebellious and causing a little mayhem now and then was okay by me, but the Marauders were just plain bullies. Except maybe Remus, he was alright. But James, ugh! Everything about him, the way he would ruffle his hair, the way he talked in that smug manner, the way he walked around as if he owned the place, how he seemed to be good at everything effortlessly, and how he would torment kids for the fun of it, disgusted me. No, he couldn’t have changed; he couldn’t possibly have grown up! But how else could I explain this polite and mature Head Boy standing before me?

As James spoke, I scanned his figure and noticed the subtle changes that had taken place over the summer. He had grown even taller, if that were possible. He was at least a head and a half taller than me now.  His hair, which had darkened, now the very shade of midnight black, lay ruffled casually falling past his hairline. In stark contrast, his face was pale and only briefly flushed on the contours of his prominent cheek bones. The chin of his face curved smoothly and strong, and his nose was perfectly angular. And then there were his eyes. They were hazel, shimmering brilliantly and passionately as he spoke. They seemed to stand out from the rest of his features, gems reflecting a pure beauty I couldn’t quite decipher. Just looking at him, I could feel my face heat up, so I looked away. Well, well, well…maybe James Potter had changed.

After the meeting was over, the Prefects filed out of the compartment, leaving James and I to be the last to leave. I was behind Andrea Clearwater, a fifth year Prefect, about ready to leave.

 “Wait- Lily,” He said, taking my arm and spinning me round to face him. “Where are you sitting?” He asked. I was surprised that his voice seemed unsteady. My eyes trailed down to where his hand was touching mine and I almost blushed again.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll go find Emerson,” I said.

“Oh.” He face fell ever so slightly, but quickly perked up again. “Do you want to sit with me?” He looked at me from beneath his lashes.

I hesitated. Did I really want to sit in a compartment alone with James Potter? I knew of a hundred girls who would give anything to be in such a predicament. But I was never one of those girls. Say no, Lily. It's not that hard. N-O. Say no. Say no.

“Okay,” I said simply. A smile lit up his features and he looked positively radiant. Oh my Giddy Aunt. I had just said yes to James. Not to a date, but still, I had said yes to being alone with him, to spending time with him. And he had realised that. 

Throughout the train ride, we talked. And it was strange, talking to James Potter. There were things about him I didn’t know and things that were fascinating, and all of sudden, I found myself wanting to learn more about this strange and relatively interesting character that was James. This brief moment of discovering there was anything about him remotely remarkable, was a new experience in itself. James was easy to talk to and he kept the conversation light and friendly. We talked about the weather, about Quidditch, and about our relatives. We talked about Petunia, about pumpkin pasties, and about books, endlessly about books.  Gee, I didn’t know the guy liked to read! He asked me about cakes and then birthdays and finally presents.

“What’s the best birthday gift you’ve ever received?” He asked, smiling at me. I thought about it.

“Hmm…My telescope,” I said, nodding.

 “Oh. Why is it your favourite gift?” He furrowed his brows. I tried to explain in a way that didn’t sound stupid.

“Well, in the summer, when I’m in the muggle world, just looking at the stars and planets makes me feel like I’m somewhere magical again, like at Hogwarts, even though I’m not really there. They’re so beautiful that, to me, it’s almost like a bridge beyond the muggle world. But mine is a small old thing, doesn’t really work that great,” I said. “What about you?” And so we went on.

Even as the castle appeared suddenly before us and the Hogwarts Express rolled to a stop, I found myself not wanting to leave; not wanting to stop the conversation and not wanting to leave his company. He was, after all, relatively interesting. After the ride, for some reason, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat…guilty.

As he grabbed his trunk from above him, he had his back toward me, so I tapped him shyly on the shoulder. Ugh…someone remind me why I was doing this again?

James turned around to face me, his eyes penetrating mine. The proximity between us and his stare, made me blush and look down.

“Uh, I just wanted to say sorry…for being rude…before, earlier. I think you did a great job back there, with the Prefects, not like I’m surprised, actually I am. But yeah, I just wanted to say that I’m sure you’ll, um, make a great Head Boy. So, uh, congratulations again and yeah, sorry about earlier and uh yes,” I blurted out, fumbling in a rush, I don’t even think I gave him time to blink.

Then, something new, a strange expression flickered in his hazel eyes and was replaced with some burning emotion simmering beneath its' surface. He looked into my eyes intensely, forcing me not to look away and I saw resolve form abruptly in his own.

And all of sudden, he was kissing me, his lips moving softly against mine. I gasped, but it was drowned out in the process and I flailed my arms about in an attempt to hit him. I did, with a resounding slap. James flew back immediately, his eyes filled with shock.

“Y-You- You kissed me!” I spluttered, my face frozen in disbelief. He widened his eyes and opened his mouth to speak but no words were coming out. I shoved him backwards, but he was so much taller than me that it made no difference anyway. I shoved him again, this time more aggressively. “You- kissed- me.” I accused slowly and dangerously, in a low voice, between clenched teeth.

He looked down, and his cheeks were reddened, hopefully from my slap, but it actually appeared as if he was…embarrassed.

“I can not believe you did that!” I screamed at him, in his face.

“I can’t believe I did that either,” he muttered, somewhat to himself.

That was it, I was leaving. I grabbed my trunk and he groaned as I rolled it ruthlessly over his foot and ran away from James Potter, the first boy who had ever kissed me.

I snorted. Sure, he’s changed. Changed, my arse.