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Caught In The Fire by DeathCabForCutie

Format: Novel
Chapters: 24
Word Count: 82,143

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Genres: Humor, Action/Adventure, Angst
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Narcissa, OC, OtherCanon
Pairings: Sirius/OC, James/Lily, Other Pairing

First Published: 03/25/2009
Last Chapter: 09/18/2010
Last Updated: 09/18/2010

Everyone in the world who has ever dared to love has had that person.


This is the one person who meant more than all the others and made more of an impact than any of the rest. Juliette Paxton, Auror, disowned Pureblood and former Slythern was thought to never have such a person. That was until Sirius Black strutted back into her life.

Chapter 1: Somebody Told Me
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We ran, our hands intertwined, as fast as we could in the darkness. My heart raced like never before as we went to an empty corridor. He swung me around and pinned me against the wall. A giggle left my lips with pleasure as his lips pressed down on my own. With every fiber of my being I knew I loved him. When he pulled away from our embrace the look in his eyes made me feel invincible. Like we could survive anything as long as we had one another. “Jules,” was all he said before cupping my cheek and kissing me once more. I closed my eyes and kissed him back with just as much vigor as he had pounced on mine. The tension was the same as it always was but something was off. I began to get this irriatated feeling in my gut. It was almost as if I could feel someone watching us. Calling it paranoia I stupidly ignored it and went on kissing him blissfully. Never realizing that this simple mental decision would become one of the biggest mistakes of my life.


Renee once told me this theory she had about men and women. According to her, men can love many times in their lives. Suffer multiple heart breaks and still bounce back, one hundred percent new. “Women,” she said with a knowing expression, “However only truly love one person. They can love other men before and after the one but it’s always the man that broke them that manages to matter more than all the others put together.” I wanted to disagree with her the first time she said it but I didn’t because was true. The one guy I ever really and truly loved broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces and then had the audacity to stomp on the remains. I can’t explain it. I never could. Even as cynical as I am I can never really deny what happened with me and Sirius. All I can do is hope that eventually I’ll be able to forget about it. Right now though I’ve got bigger problems than my past. I’ve got to go kill a bitch.



Leaning on the side of a broken down building Lorenzo winked at me arrogantly as I approached. His tan blemishless face gleamed even in the cloudy weather of spring London. Rolling my eyes I smacked the side of his arm. I swear…Lorenzo has known me for years and been my partner for a year now and still he hasn’t gotten that I’m the one girl that won’t fall for his charm. Sure he’s hot -i'll give him that- but I have a brain. It’s as simple as that. Lazily I strutted up to him haughtily as he waited patiently. His perfect lips curved into a wicked grin as I stood in front of him.


“Hello Paxton.”

“Lorenzo.” I nodded briskly.

He gave my casual outfit a look of disapproval before moving on. “We’ve received information that Bellatrix is going to be at an empty warehouse in downtown London in ten minutes.”

“What’s the transaction?”

“I dunno. All I know is that she’s going to be there and that the package is very …delicate apparently and it’s going to be on the third floor.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, “That’s all?”

Lorenzo shrugged boyishly. “My contact was pretty quiet today but I have a weird feeling about this….”

“Do you ever have a good feeling about an opp?”

“On the occasion I do.”

“Well in six months since we received field clearance you haven’t.” I pointed out pulling on my shades.

He snorted loudly, “Don’t miss anything do you?”

I smirked, “Not a thing.”



We walked a ways before apparating to the location. My eyes became alert the second we landed on the street. Several innocent Muggles wandered around the dismal rainy streets of London clueless. Lorenzo glanced at the building in question searching for entrance points while I scouted for the backup. A very obvious sign of high level suspects meeting nearby are any mysterious people generally. For example a man reading the same page of a newspaper for five minutes longer than he should, not associating with anyone else on the street and shifting his eyes towards the road in ten second intervals would be a look out. In most cases they aren’t that hard to get around. A simple distraction gets rid of them easily but Death Eater look outs are trained for this. They know what to look for and how to act. It is easy to read how high level the situation is inside by which Death Eater have undercover outside. Newbie’s give themselves away in seconds and are used for very simple reason: experience. It’s a good way to show young Death Eater’s how to avoid and detect us by giving them a simple assignment and having them fail it horribly. Standing by the corner I leaned against the bench and pretended to be waiting for the next bus. Through my exposure I was having a hard time differentiating between my target and the countless Muggles. Whoever they were, they were good. I started second guessing myself until one of them slipped. The guy just shifted his weight nothing major. It was split second action but it was enough time for him to unintentionally flash the tip of his wand from his coat pocket.



“Lorenzo. I got one.”

He nodded, “I got the other one.”

I frowned, “Who’s the other one?”

“You see the old guy hacking his lungs out?”

Yeah.” I grimaced disgustedly.

“The grandson looking boy next to him.”

“You just said he looks like his grandson.”

Lorenzo sighed. “Yeah but he isn’t.”

“How can you tell?”

“Paxton why do you have to question me on everything?” He groaned running a hand threw his perfect hair.

I sighed dryly, “Oh I don't know. Maybe because it annoys you so.”

He turned up his collar and ignored my response. “I’m taking the kid and going inside. Distract the other one for me?”

“Fine but if you put an innocent Muggle unconscious because you had a ‘hunch’. I’m never going to let you hear the end of it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind mum.” Lorenzo muttered before crossing the street and taking out his ‘suspect.’

Under my breath I scoffed, “Men,” before crossing the street myself.


As I approached my target I thought long and hard about what angle I would go from. It depended on the guy. See the whole point is to distract him so Lorenzo could get in without having a lovely greeting party. The best distraction tatitic is anger. When angered even the most level headed wizard will loose focus of their objective and give in to their instincts. Which is exactly what i want them to do. I ruffled my hair badly and smeared my miniscle eye make-up. I went over his profile stereotype and moved forawrd. As I stepped up to him i added a sudden limp and dragged my left elbow. I started figiting as I leaned on the wall right next to him and constantly shifting my weight. He gave me the dirtiest look and I knew I chose the right approach. Adjusting my throat I tried to make my voice sound raspy.



“I’m sorry I’m late.”

He crossed his arms and ignored me.

I tried again. “Do you got it?”

“Look girl I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fine. Be difficult!”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Beat it girl.”

“Look I know I’m no cop.” I internally chuckled at my own personal joke. “Just give me the stash. Joey on the corner said you have the best stuff. So just give it to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turned to me coldly. “I’m not who you think I am and if you keep bothering me-“

I interrupted him quickly as I saw Lorenzo give me a thumbs up by the curb before moving towards the building. I needed to keep his attention for a good twenty seconds so Lorenzo could get in without any intersection. Boldly I took the aggressive addict stance. I made my hand shake and my breathing become irregular as I spoke. “Look buddy.” I poked him hard in the chest. “I want what I was promised. Don’t bullshit me!”

He grabbed my arm alertly as I raised my voice. His grip was like a chain. “Go or I will make you.” He whispered in a low growl.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” I shot back insistently, “I paid good money for this information. Now quit bullshiting me!”

If you don’t lower your voice…” He threatened somewhat menacingly.

Lorenzo slipped into the second floor window safely. For precautions sake I decided to provoke him and give Lorenzo a few more seconds. “What? What will you do? Call the cops? I’d like to see them arrest a narcotics dealer!”

“Lady I swear-“

“What? What-?” My words stopped as he grabbed me and threw me into the alley way next to the building. He pinned me to the wall and pointed his wand to my throat. I wasn’t afraid. “What is that? A new kind of joint? How do you smoke that? Burn it slowly?” I forced my voice to sound amazed and taken aback.

He was infuriated. “If you don’t shut up....”

“You’ll what?”

“That’s it! Avada-“

I was too quick for him. I kneed him in the groin, threw him to the ground tied his hands behind his back, broke his wand and pulled out my wand. Tipping my shades I took out a tooth pick from my pocket and started chewing on it as I stared down at him condescendingly.

“Now stay here alright? Don’t talk to any strangers while I’m gone.”

Bitch.” He spat between his grinded teeth.

“You can call me names all you want but my ego won't swell nearly as bad as yours," I let a deep and overexaggerated sigh as I pushed my shades back in place. "I wasn't the one that got my ass handed to me by someone half my size."

"You'll never get through!" He threatened furiously, "They'll get you."

"Watch me."

I went in through the front door without a hint of worry. Nobody ever thinks to do that because they assume that it would be the most frequently used access point and therefore would be the most heavily guarded point. It’s usually true with most groups of people but not with Death Eaters. I’ve dealt with all types of criminals in my time but Death Eaters for some reason let their arrogance blind them more than all the rest. They don’t have anybody covering the entrance because they assume that nobody would be bold enough or stupid enough to straight up go through the front door. Only pureblooded morons would make such a stupid assumption. Unfortunately for them they never factored me in to this scenario.

Lorenzo would go up to the third floor from the second floor easily to get what Intel we could while I handled whatever Death Eaters were hanging around. Luckily for me the second floor was clear. I heard some commotion from the third floor on the stairs heading there. Up there they had Lorenzo tied up. I could tell by the way he was held back that there had been three guys here. I left him there momentarily and followed the sound of the voices. In the next room, two people were very loudly arguing. Vaguely I could make out what they were saying.




The second voice was apologetic. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know-“


Look! We still have the girl and now we have an Auror to boot. We’ll just spin it so it looks like we made out with it good-“



I quietly left them and untied Lorenzo. “How the hell did those two get you?”

Those little buggers snuck up on me!” He exclaimed infuriated.

“Well they’re in the next room…Wait... where’s your wand…Oh please don’t tell me that they have it.”

Lorenzo groaned. “The one disarmed me as soon as I came in through the window! I was kicking his ass until Nott came in!”

“Nott is the other guy? Shit…”




I gave him a dirty look. “Come on.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s reassuring.” He scoffed sarcastically.

“Don’t start with me Lorenzo.”


Honestly I didn’t have a plan. All I knew was that we had to get his wand back. As we exited the room I caught sight of Bellatrix at the end of the hallway. Adrenaline pushed the core of my brain down threw my veins at the sight of her. Bitch. I wanted to go at her right then and there but I couldn’t. She would kill Lorenzo and me if I went at her right then. So like a coward I ducked behind the door until she was gone. I hated myself for it. Lorenzo’s breaths on my neck compelled to me to keep moving forward. Bluntly I leaned in through the crack in the door way and pointed my wand at Lorenzo’s wand as Nott yelled at a man I did not recognize. They were too absorbed in their conversation to even notice me there. I silently thought, “Accio Lorenzo’s Wand,” and it flew towards us. Okay so the good side was he got his wand back. Bad side was on its way over to us his wand decided to bump into the door obnoxiously loud bringing the two men’s attention to us. Fuck.



I ran my ass off. The bitch of it is I can duel. I just really try and avoid it. It takes so much energy to full on duel someone like Nott especially when Bellatrix could just sneak up and kill us all. Lorenzo was right on my tail as we rushed down the hallway. “Where is this 'package'?”

“It should be….” He trailed off as we entered a new room.

Here?” I finished freezing for a second.



Lily Evans was unconscious on the floor. Her hands were tied behind her back and she had deep stomach wound –which I discovered with a little investigating. We heard them coming. They would be here within seconds. I looked at him quickly. 

“She's the package??” I cried in exasperation.

"I guess so...”

Nott ran through the door with his wand pointed at our hearts. He was faster than his friend as I heard his overly loud footsteps. He was still hurring to get here which meant we didn't have a lot of time. Lorenzo and I apparatedwith Evans just a split second before a bright green curse came in our direction. It was too close.

Authors Note:

Pleaaaaaaaaase give me reviews. I need to know what you guys think of this!  THANK YOU FOR READING!

Chapter 2: Take It or Leave It
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“It isn’t healthy Jules…”

I rolled my eyes as I leaned back on my couch and flipped the pages of magazine in my hand. “Nik... You worry too much.”

“I’m serious!”

“So am I! Dear lord. You’re my brother not my shrink.”

He scoffed negatively, “You need both.”



I put down my magazine, twisted my neck to see him and gave him a snotty look. I love Nik. I really do but he worries too much. As my older brother he sees it as his duty to look out for me in every aspect of my life. Eventually I turned away from my beloved brother and watched Renee. There she was, just sitting in the middle of our living room with a dress, a thread, a needle and a pair of scissors. She was too lost in her own little world to bother herself with our conversation. I decided she could work on her dress and defend me at the same time. Renee Ann Moss was good at multitasking.



Renee? Help me out here?”

“With what?” She mumbled as she trimmed the bottom of the dress.

Nik sighed in slightly irritation. “You can’t ask her!”

“Why not?” I argued evenly.

“Because of course she’s going to side with you! She’s one of the most cynical people in the world!” He groaned, “All I’m saying is that your whole life shouldn’t be work!”

“What’s wrong with liking my job?”

“Nothing but you have to have something else too.”

I raised my eyebrows as I picked up my magazine and started reading it. “And what is that exactly?”


A snort of laughter echoed in my throat. “Okay Nik. Calm down there. Just cause’ you’ve lassoed yourself a wife doesn’t mean the rest of us have to lose our minds.”

“You’re saying I’m losing my mind by getting married? Mim would have a thing or two to say to you ab-”

“I would say that but I happen to like Chloe and I really don’t trust that she doesn’t have a temper. I mean she’s a redhead after all.”

Renee huffed from the floor. “Because you’re not generalizing at all.”

I smirked down at her, “Nope.”

Nik frowned thoughtfully, “Speaking of redheads.”


I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and stood up to look where he was directing his speech. Lily Evans stood in my bedroom doorway looking as disoriented as ever. It took a great deal of effort to not laugh at her but then I remembered the circumstances in which I found her and I found it harder to keep my voice even.




It’s Potter.” She snapped at me like a whip.

I wasn’t so much surprised but more condesending. “Of course it is…Look you had a stomach wound but I stopped it and cleaned the infection. You’ve been out for a good twelve hours from the sedative I gave you-“

“WHAT?! Twelve hours?! What did you do to me?” Her eyes dilated in horror as she accused me.

“I gave you a sedative so your body would have time to heal itself and you wouldn’t feel any pain.” I continued unconcernedly. “Now you are too out of it to apparate. So you have two options Evans-“

Her tone was sharp, “I told you its Potter.”

Whatever.” I replied coolly and continued my business tone. “Now you either A) give me the name of someone who can pick you up and take you somewhere to rest or you can B) tell me a safe place where I can take you.”

She hesitated before giving me a fixed glare. “Why are you helping me?”

Because it’s what Jesus would do." I sighed frustratedly, "Now what option are you going for?”

“Fine,” She scowled, “I have an address.”

I pulled on my shoes and threw a pillow at Nik’s face. “Renee, don’t forget about your appointment at five. Nik for the love of Merlin get out and do your job before you get some pre-mature wrinkles. I’ll be back later. I have to go.”



She looked absolutely repulsed at the thought of linking her arm with my own. It was amusing to say the least. I apparated her into the kitchen of the house and released her as soon as she could stand on her own. “Well Evans." I started awkwardly, "Watch it from now on.”

“How many times do I have to-?” She began icily but was caught off.

LILY?!” James shouted as he and a bunch of others rushed into the room. “Are you alright?!” He demanded cupping her face with his hand affectionately.

I sighed, “That would be my cue to leave.”

“What are you doing here?!” James accused at me harshly.

Lily grabbed his arm. “James she saved me.”

“Why would she do that?”

Why is this such a hard concept to understand? I-Juliette Paxton-helped-her.
"It’s not that deep.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “But why would a Death Eater help?”

I started laughing. “You people...” I couldn’t stop laughing their stupidity was overwhelming. “I’m going now.”


I apparated to the Ministry with a smile still present on my face. You know those people you knew back when you were young? Those popular people who thought they knew everything about everything because they were just soooo wonderful? Lily Evans and James Potter would definitely fit perfectly into that category. They always thought their little love/hate relationship was something important to everyone. When the truth was nobody really gave a shit whether or not they would get together we all -other then their popular friends- just wanted them to shut up. Now three years later I was limitlessly amused that of all the things that had changed in the world their oblivious arrogance had not. Me a Death Eater…I couldn’t think of a funnier statement. Of course since they knew nothing about me -except that I was sorted into Slythern- they fell safe in assuming I’m the complete opposite of what I am. 


Rubbing my eyes, I yawned and went to my desk. I wasn’t on duty but I didn’t want to wait to do all the paperwork tomorrow. The bitch of being an Auror is paperwork. I tie my shoelace on duty and I have to write a two page report on it. It’s outrageous but it’s necessary. I know I’ve looked back on past missions and drew connections to other cases through the simple act of writing down every single detail but it takes forever. So in spite of the tedious exhaustion that soon would be mine I sat down by desk and took out a quill. I got a good three pages in when Lorenzo walked in. He was shirtless –of course- and glistening with sweat.



“Paxton, do you ever stop working?”

“Nope.” I answered plainly without looking up.

“Look. I’m sorry-“

I held up my hand to cut off his speech. “Don’t. We’re fine.”

“You sure?”


“Well I’m heading out.”

“When are you doing your report?” I questioned softly as he started stretching in my cubical.

He let out a groan, “...Later.”

So…” I tried to start a conversation as it was clear he wasn’t going to leave until he stretched every possible ligament in his body. “How are the Cannons doing?”


“What’s the problem? No seeker?”

“No.” He yawned, pulled a shirt from his own desk and tugged it over his head. “Now we finally have a decent seeker but the keeper sucks.”

I put down my quill and smirked. “Does that mean you’ve finally accepted that they are just one of those teams that are just permanently doomed?”

“You know me well enough now Paxton to know that answer.” He grinned at me earnestly.

“Yeah you don't know when to get leg go off a lost cause when you see one.”  I scouffed casually.

There was a flash of emotion in his eyes that i didn't recognize but it vanished as hepatted the top of my head. “See you tomorrow kid. Owl me if I’m needed.”



He left and I went back to work. It took me another half hour to make sure I catalogued down every single detail imaginable. Then I put it in my bottom filing cabinet and sealed it close. Leaning back in my chair I reflected on yesterday. I wasn’t angry at Lorenzo. I was angry at myself. She was there. I saw Bellatrix there and I let her get away. An anger I could never control seethed in me. That bitch ruined my life and took everything I cared about from me. Her horrible face flashed in my mind as I thought of her. Everyone in my house loved her. I always wanted to just deck her in the face. 

Staring at my desk I looked at the few personal items I had in wonderment. There was a picture of me and Renee in thrift store clothes. The other one of me but this time I was with Nik i was seven he had to be somewhere around eleven. For a second I just starred at them. A snowy owl flew in and perched itself on the tip of the dividing wall. I was taken aback. Nik’s owl was black and Renee’s was grey. I’d seen this owl before. Curious I reached forward and grabbed the mail. My name was neatly printed on the front. I recognized the print style but I couldn’t pin point from where.



Dear Ms. Juliette Paxton,

I need to speak with you immediately. Please write down a date and time when you can meet me. This matter is urgent so I ask you to please respond quickly.


Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore



Stunned in shock and astonishment I found myself reaching for a quill and responding. I told him I would meet him today at anytime. I’d never -even in my seven years at Hogwarts- spoken to Dumbledore personally. I generally assumed that he didn’t know I exist. Apparently I assumed wrong. My interest was sparked at this brief two sentence letter. What could Dumbledore want from me? Within an hour the same owl was back with an address. My face was blank as I put the note in my back pocket and apparated to the spot.

It was a Muggle park in south England. I sat on the bench and scanned my surroundings alertly. There was always a possibility that any lead of any kind could be a trap of some kind. This would be the only time I wasn’t completely suspicious. I mean anyone could make a polyjuice potion or learn how to write like someone else but no one could do that to Dumbledore. I may have never talked to the man but I know that much. In the distance I watched little children playing in the parks small playground. When I turned away there he was, in electrifingly bright white robes.



“Professor Dumbledore.” I put out my hand politely.

He smiled, “Juliette, nice to see you.”

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. Can we walk?”

I nodded, “Sure.”

“I just spoke with Lily Potter...”

“She thought I was a Death Eater.” I scoffed under my breath knowingly.

“Yes.” He chuckled. “I however explained to her and her husband that you are in fact an Auror. They send their apologizes for jumping to assumptions.”

I stuck my hands in my front pockets thoughtfully. “It’s okay... I’m used to it.”

“That however is not the only reason I asked you here.”

“What is then?”

Dumbledore stopped walking and gave me a look. I felt like my entire body, mind and soul was being x-rayed by this man. His blue eyes scorched into my black ones until he nodded to himself and looked away.


“Juliette there is an organization called the Order of the Phoenix.”

I squinted my eyes in memory. “Wait. Like the Greek order?”

“No," He smiled slightly at my odd knowledge, "But that is where the name is derived from… It’s a task force designed to bring down Voldemort.”


Dumbledore inclined his head in an affirmative motion. “And I’m asking you to join.”

Without any hesitation or questioning I nodded. “I’m in.”

Authors Note:

Thank you everyone who reviewed! Thank you for reading and please continue to review! This one goes out to those eleven of you who reviewed! I got so excited I wrote another chapter immediately.

Chapter 3: For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic
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I groaned as I scrubbed the floors of McGonagall’s floor. ‘It was just a stupid stunt. It’s not like anybody got hurt…So maybe I shouldn’t have ran around the school at night with a giant chicken costume on but come on it was funny! She really needs to grow a sense of humor.’ I thought to myself bitterly as I felt knots begin to form in my lower back. I’d almost finished cleaning half the floor when he stumbled in. My face snapped up quickly at the sound of his footsteps.

He smiled at me apologetically, “Sorry I’m late.”
I said nothing.

Simply I went back to working without giving him a single thought. It was clear by the way he was pleasantly ignoring me that he had no idea who I was. Then again it was easy to not recognize me when I wasn’t in uniform. It only took us three hours to clean the entire floor. An admirable feat really. On my way out he asked what my name was. I didn’t tell him. All I did was smile at him and say, “Goodnight Sirius,” before leaving him by himself. 

The next day I came back for round two of my detention cycle. It was the same thing as before but this time not only was Sirius there but he was on time. Just like the day before I kept to myself and avoided his fleeting glances. Then three hours later we finished. I stood and walked out. Sirius didn’t stop me. We continued like this for a good two weeks. I didn’t know what exactly he did to get this long stint of detentions but I wouldn’t put it past him. The Marauder’s were known to cause chaos and corruption whereever they went. So detentions weren’t unusual to them. Finally on the day before my detentions ended he spoke up. The way he spoke I could tell my unperplexed silence had bothered him. There was an hour of work left to do but I was tired from Quidditch practice from the day before. I leaned against the back wall and rubbed the back of my neck. My eyes lifted from the floor reluctantly to find his grey ones looking right at me. 


“What?” I asked confusedly.

He chuckled to himself, “I’ve never seen anyone work so tirelessly without complaint for so long.”

I shrugged in response. “People are babies.” I muttered darkly under my breath before considering going back to work.

His next question stopped me. “Why won’t you tell me your name?” It wasn’t a difficult question. I just felt like being difficult in answering.

“Why do you need to know it?”

“Um…Well we’ve been working together for awhile now and I still don’t know your name. It just would be nice is all...”

My tone was guarded, “Don’t worry about it Sirius.”

“Like that! You know my name. Why can’t I know yours?”

“Everyone knows yours.”  I reasoned as started stretching out my arms to stop the aching.

“Yes but I’d like to know yours…”

“You know my name.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“Come on. Do you honestly think that you’ve never met me? We’re in the same year. You’ve seen me before.”

“Same year hmm….”

I snorted at his concentrating face. “Look. It’s not worth the effort…Trust me.”


I meant for that to stop his quandaries but this general statement seemed to cause him to become completely curious. The next day he searched through every Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor girl for me. The funniest part was that I wasn’t even hiding away from him. I was sitting where I always sat at the Slythern table. He just never thought to look there. When I arrived at Transfiguration I sat in my usual place in the back. There was nothing different or even out of the ordinary about my activities. I talked to Taylor about Parkers next idea for a senior prank. He laughed and agreed to join instantly as he heard my compelling thought process mapping out our next practical joke. 

McGonagall interrupted me near the end of my speech to announce that she was switching our seat partners for today in favor of inter-house cooperation. Taylor was partnered with Joe Brown, Angie was partnered with Lily Evans, Parker was partnered with Eric Chang and I was predictably partnered with Sirius Black. In my head I laughed at the fates sick sense of irony. On my way over I saw him scowl as he recognized my name. He later told me he knew that Juliette Paxton was a seventh year Slythern but it wasn’t until I sat down next to him that he figured out that I was Juliette Paxton.


His expression was priceless. I offered him a blank expression. “Hello Sirius.”



There is nothing that can one hundred percent prepare you for anything. You can take every precaution you like but 9 out 10 times it’s the thing you didn’t account for that bites you in the ass. Outside of work I’m a normal human being. My room is semi-messy -so is the rest of my life actually- …but that’s okay because as an Auror I’m a control freak. When I get a case I channel any and all of my over obsessive tendencies on every single variable. So that if I can’t manage the situation I might still be able to manipulate it into working out somehow. At the Ministries Gym I was twenty minutes into working out. Sweat beaded along my hairline as I threw punch after punch at the 200 pound punching bag. It gave me some satisfaction to be able to hit something and know exactly what the counter action would be. I was about to go lift weights when Lorenzo moved the bag away from my outstretched arm.




What?” I snapped as I lowered my fists to my sides.

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Why are you hitting a punching bag while we are on duty?”

“I did all my paperwork and I would be paged if we got a new assignment.” I responded with a bit of an attitude as I wiped my forehead with the side of my hand.

“Well, I’m paging you…Change and meet me at my loft in five.”

I grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away. “Woah there Cowboy. You haven’t told me the most important thing…”

“Which is?”

“Cover or opp?”

A tight smirk came over his face. “Cover.”



I grimaced and re-tied my hair into a messy ponytail before going into the locker room. If I was asked which is more important a cover or operation I would give a simple concise answer. Both are equally important as far as missions are concerned but covers are exceedingly more difficult than operations. You have to remember you’re not being an Auror, you’re being someone else. You have a childhood, friends, family, personality traits that are completely different from your own. All the while you have to use your head and see the things your character wouldn’t. It’s complicated, it’s messy and the risk triples. Logically you would think I would like operations more because there’s less to worry about and it’s more straight forward. That’s how Lorenzo thinks but not me. There’s something inside me that likes the danger. That pushes and propells me to go towards. I like the sudden rush of adrenaline when I think my cover might be blown and I’m on the edge of getting caught but then I don’t. And I get away with it. Time and time again I scale past danger without even a scratch to show for it. It has become a sick, addictive cycle that I openly accept.



Lorenzo’s loft was cleaner than usual. He must have gotten a cleaning lady or something…On his walls were his usual plain white paint and tacky famous looking art. People who buy fancy art confuse me. Who are you trying to impress so badly that you’re going to buy corny odd art? That concept baffles me. I don’t even understand art to begin with. What are you trying to say with a picture that you can’t just say with words? I sat down on his surprisingly comfortable couch and closed my eyes. After work I was supposed to meet with Dumbledore and ‘officially’ join the Order. It’s weird to think that I’ll be working with people like Lily Evans and James Potter…The very people I was taught as a child to hate.



“One second!” He called from upstairs.

I glared darkly at the ceiling. “What could possibly be taking you so-?” My words caught as he appeared in front of me, “Oh noooooooooo!”

“You know you love it.”

“…Why do we always have to do this?”

He smirked as he twirled around in his white trash red neck look. “You love it.”


Lorenzo then regretfully held up my clothes. A wife beater, ripped daisy duke shorts and cowboy boots are three things I regrettably had to pull on my person. I hate playing the shank card. It’s so overdone but sadly it gets the job done. I washed my face in his sink, pulled my hair into two braids and added excessive amounts of black makeup. This was my job and I would go all out if necessary. He was in loose blue jeans, a white wife beater with grease marks and a trucker hat. We both looked like bigoted hicks….perfect.

This mission was the first one in a great while that wasn’t Death Eater related. This one was old school. Ministries' most wanted Ricardo Martinez. Ricardo was born in England but he was raised in Mexico where is family was from. There he learned the tricks on how to get by on being a criminal instead of actually getting a legit job. When he got older he came back to England and made a name for himself as a drug exporter. Then a few months ago his right hand man ends up dead. Three key witnesses say he is the killer. Two days later they were killed in Ministry custody. Since then Ricardo has been on a general killing spree. He’s said to be in North Carolina. Technically it’s out of our jurisdiction so we have to keep it on the down low because if the American Ministry found out there would be hell to pay. Lorenzo and I apparated a town a way from where our target was staying and walked the rest of the way. 

Our back story was simple. We were the classic bickering couple. You know the type. Can’t stand each other yet they always stay together.  We were driving to South Carolina to get married in his home town when the car broke down and we have to wait till the morning to get it fixed. It’s an easy back story to follow. Plus Lorenzo and I usually play a feuding couple. I'm not warm enough or close enough to Lorenzo to give a conviencing enough performance as a loving wife/girlfriend/lover. I was too broken for that brand of affection. But people have a hard time believing we are related. He’s six foot two, dark blonde short hair, golden tan skin, muscular with bright blue eyes and a warm smile. I’m five foot five, dark haired, black eyes, olive skin and I’m tiny. You wouldn’t exactly see us and see some sort of resemblance. So what were we left with? Bickering couple. Few cutesy moments and are unpredictable. Perfect to use when working with muggles.


“So what’s your name?” I muttered as we moved onto a mainstream sidewalk.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he adjusted his cap. “I’m not sure yet…you?”


“I don’t know what to pick for my name…”

I squinted my eyes in thought. “How about Homer?”



He snorted, “Okay…I’ll go along with that. How long have we been together?”

“I dunno…four months?”

“Nah too short…”

“Seven?” I questioned uneasily.

“That’ll work.”



The second we reached the town we dropped our natural English accents and adopted northern American accents. I went for a more Michigan perspective where he went for a hometown Carolina style. Ricardo himself stays in at the hotel of a local bar. At night he came down and sulked at the bar with his lady friend Katrina while he spike the bars beer with drugs and butterbeer.

The problem with a guy like this is he isn’t quite stupid enough for us to capture him. He surrounds himself by Muggles so he has several innocent bystanders to protect him from people like us. See if it was just one Muggle in the way we could just sneak in, do a memory charm and leave with him but this guy is somewhat smart. He knows  we can’t use magic in front of 30 Muggles. We can’t put a memory charm on more than three people without it have seriously large consequences. Hence why this is a cover not an opp. The whole point of this mission is to get him alone long enough to get him contained and apparate him back to Ministry still in our custody. Hopefully this one will go better than the last.



“Is that it?” Lorenzo questioned softly as we stopped walking.

I nodded. “That’s it.”

“Well,” He put his arm over my shoulder, “Come on Jill.”



He wasn’t there at first. I kept my eyes peeled but it was still early. Lorenzo set the scene for our cover. He –in character- kept trying to put his arm around me and me –in character as well- continued to shake it off and get attitude with him. We were amping up for the fight. The rule is to wait a five minutes before you stage whatever distraction you have planned. Today that’s me and Lorenzo fighting to the point where I walk out of the room. The second our objective came down I knew we were in business. Being the clever boy he is, Lorenzo he took this opportunity to start quietly fighting with me.



“Jill you are being ridiculous…”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Are you kidding me Homer?”


“How many times have I told you I hate that?!”

He groaned, “This isn’t my fault babe!”

“Oh and that little pig name right there! I hate that! I am not an animal!” My voice started getting louder and louder. We would continue fighting until our objective took a leak, went back to his room or just generally left the bar. This could have lasted hours luckily Ricardo’s must have forgotten something because he went back to his room.




I slapped Lorenzo across the face five seconds after Ricardo left. “YOU ASSHOLE!”


I threw my drink at him. “YOU MAKE ME SICK! That’s it! The wedding is off!”

“Don’t leave!”


I walked away quickly and ran up the stairs to the hotel. Taking my wand out of my bra strap I put an anti-apparation spell on the floor. Besides that I had to limit my use of magic. If anyone so much as saw me with a wand I would be screwed. Busting down the door I found him about to go through the door I just kicked in. The look on his face was priceless. He tried to fight me but there was no real use. I used every bit of his weight as leverage against him. Guys are stupid. They think if they weigh more than the person their fighting they can use it against them. A half hour later Lorenzo and I lugged the thug to the uniformed authorities and went back to my desk.  Lorenzo was smirking when he got back to his own.



“What?” I questioned him sharply as I started detailing the mission on a piece of parchment.

“You really didn’t just see that?”

“See what?”

He laughed heartedly, his whole face lighting up. “Conner’s face when you walked by looking like that.”

I rolled my eyes. Conner was cute but he has the hugest crush on me for god knows what reason... “He really needs to get a girlfriend.” I groaned slightly.

“Yeah like maybe you for example?” Lorenzo snickered as I glowered at him.

“Okay.” I checked my watch, “I have to be somewhere. Why don’t YOU write down the mission before you leave?”

“What? Do you got a hot date with Connor?!” He called after me as I walked away.



When I got home Renee was gone. She left a note. Something about a last minute job that came up. A rush of relief flooded through my veins. I didn’t want to have to lie to Renee about where I was going. When it comes to work I just say I have a job or a case. For some reason I know that if I lie to her about this it will come back and bite me in the ass. Sighing, I took a quick but refreshing shower before changing into a clean t-shirt, worn jeans and my brown black leather jacket. My mind wandered while I put on my black converse. I had no problem with risking my life for the life of innocents. The problem I have is that I have no idea who I will be working with. I’ve never been good at trusting people- especially people who would trust people like Lily Evans and James Potter. Running a brush through my hair I scowled and left for the park I met Dumbledore at the day before. He was waiting patiently when I arrived.



“Sorry I’m a bit late…Work went long…” I explained under my breath loosely as he starred at me.

“Are you ready?”

I nodded, “I’m ready.”



I side along apparated with him to a house at the end of Godric’s Hollow. He entered first and I closely followed. Though I knew this wasn’t a trap I got an odd feeling in my gut. It wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling but it wasn’t good either. I ran through my brain tirelessly trying to think of some possible reason as to why I could possibly have this feeling. Dumbledore opened the door to a large room. There were about twenty people sitting by the large oak table in the center of the room. Some I knew, some I recognized all were people I never associated with personally. I wasn’t really sure what else to do. I just glanced around at the curious but distrustful faces before me. My insides immediately froze when my eyes met a hardened pair of grey eyes that were glaring right at me. At my side my fist tightened as I stared back determinedly. On the outside I tried to appear indifferent and uncaring while I internally freaked out. The only guy I ever let my guard down for was sitting within neck crushing distance...Merlin hold me back.

Authors Note:


Chapter 4: You
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Her dark eyes lured him in. They always did. No matter what he told himself to try and stay away from her he never could make himself do it. Leaning in he smiled, a smile he reserved only for her, and said, “Where have you been?”

She smiled back. “Waiting for you as always.”

Sirius bit his lip and cupped her face with his left hand. “Oh really?”

“Yes really.”

“What would you do if I said the entire Slythern house was standing behind me?”

“The same thing you would.” She bit her lip tauntingly. “I would pretend you never existed.”

He brushed her hair back with his index fingers. “You sure about that?”

“I know you would.”

The confidence in her voice saddened him. Sirius locked his eyes with hers. “Well do you know why you wait for me?”

“Why? I would love to know what to tell myself from now on.” She teased easily.

“Because you know…” He dropped his voice as his face became serious. “That’ll always come for you.”

“Un huh. Yeah right. If the whole Gryffindor house was standing right behind you. You would swear you just ran into me.”

“No I wouldn’t.”

She tipped her face to this side in disbelief. “So you’re trying to tell me that if one of your buddies saw us you would tell them that it wasn’t by accident? That you Sirius Black are friends with someone like me?”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly categorize you as a friend....” He told her as he traced her jaw line.

“Oh really? What would you call me?”

He pursed his lips. “I don’t know…my woman…my lady friend…”

“Your woman?” Her eyebrows shot up.

“Well would you prefer my girlfriend?”

Her eyes lit up but she acted indifferent. “I mean anything’s better than ‘your woman.’”


Sirius shot up from his bed so quickly he hit his head on his headboard. Groaning he clutched his forehead irritably and searched for her but found her nowhere in sight. Then as he looked over he saw a blonde sleeping soundly next to him. Everything came flooding back to him. His momentary lapse in memory was gone and he starred at the girl. Last night was their third date. He didn’t find anything out of the ordinary about her. She was a nice girl but lately he had been having flashbacks of a very different girl. It was inevitable. It always happened. Sitting up he ran his right hand through his hair and leaned over the edge of his bed.


She stirred in her sleep. “Sirius? You alright?”

“I’m fine…Go back to sleep Elliot.”

Her face fell and anger boiled in her eyes, “My name is Sara.”

Sirius grimaced, “Ah…”

Sara grabbed the sheets around her and frowned. “Don’t even….You don’t even remember my name…

“I didn’t-“

Just shut up.”


He was about to go after her but she snatched her clothes and slammed the front door of his flat shut. Swearing under his breath Sirius pulled a clean shirt from his closet and tugged it on over his head. Moving to his drawer he heaved on a pair of pants before checking his mail. There were eight letters there; James, Remus, James, Peter, Lily, James, Dumbledore, James and James, again. He read Dumbledore’s letter first. It wasn’t that much of a letter. All it said was that they would be introducing a new member at tonight’s meeting and that he shouldn’t be late. Nothing deep about that. The order got new members all the time now. Usually they were old Hogwarts classmates that he had lost touch with. This new edition would probably prove to be no different.

Going into his kitchen he put some bread in his toaster and began to make himself some breakfast. As he poured his orange juice and set down his napkin he let his mind wander. James’s letters would no doubt be about Lily and their new house -things that he would soon discover just by talking to his best friend. Sirius dropped his heavy guard as he felt the icy sting of isolation thaw him. He hadn’t even seen her in three years. Three whole years and yet her face was still perfectly figured in his mind. Her voice echoed in his head every once in awhile. It was truly infuriating. Of all the girls he had known in his twenty years of life she was the one that broke him.

Abruptly he heard a loud knock on his door. Distracted he refused to get up and get the door.



Who answers the door like that?” A female voice scoffed in response.

James laughed, “It’s me Paddy. Open up.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

“See?! There he goes ag-“ Lily began but halted when Sirius swung the door open. “Again.”

“Hello Lily, Prongs.”

“Sirius.” Lily nodded with a scowl.



Sirius snorted, “What do I owe this wonderful unexpected visit?”

“Well I wanted to invite you out to lunch with us.”

“Who else will be there?”

James avoided Sirius’s stare as he scratched his neck. “Ah Remus, Dorcas, Peter, Eleanor…”

“You can’t be serious….”

“Nope that’s you.”

“Prongs I’m not going to lunch if Eleanor’s going to be there.”

Lily sent James an ‘Told-you-so,’ look before speaking. “Well the offer is still open.”

“Thanks Lily but I think I’ll pass on seeing that psycho thanks.”

“Psycho’s a bit harsh…” Lily defended her friend half heartedly.

Sirius face turned to outrage. “She followed me my entire sixth year! I had to run and hide from her!”

“Sirius-“ Lily initiated with a whine.

Sirius interrupted swiftly. “RUN AND HIDE LILY! Not avoid and advert! RUN AND HIDE!”

“You’re being rid-“

“RUN AND HIDE!” He repeated with a serious expression.

Lily scowled again. “Fine. Be mentally unstable.”

I will.” Sirius declared proudly as he grabbed his toast from the toaster and dropped it on a paper plate.

James and Lily took seats at Sirius’s kitchen table.  Sirius ignored them. He simply sat down and ate his breakfast. Shifting awkwardly Lily crossed her arms as a worried expression came on her face. Seeing this James decided to take over.



“Yes James?”

“We’re worried about you…”

Sirius glanced up from his orange juice thoughtfully. “Why?”

“You don’t work, you don’t have any hobbies. All you do is women and whatever work you’re assigned for the Order.” Lily piped up evenly.

“And the problem with that is?”

James frowned unhappily, “It’s unhealthy.”

“It’s disgusting.” Lily agreed.

“How is it ‘disgusting’?” Sirius countered with raised eyebrows before taking another bite out of his toast.

Lily exhaled dramatically.“Because you are refusing to allow yourself to be happy.”

“No I’m not! You two are just paranoid.”

“Oh really?” She fired back stubbornly. “You really don’t see how we could be worried when you have nothing stable going on in your life?”

“Um yeah I do.”

“Like what?”

He furrowed his eyebrows wistfully. “Ah I’ve been friends with James for nine years you call that unstable?”

“No but he doesn’t count. I’m talking about having a career or a steady girlfriend or something that’s constant besides your best friends. Everyone has best friends but you don’t have anything else going for you!”

Ouch Lily…that was…” Sirius fumbled around for the right word.

James picked a word for him. “Truthful?”

Sirius feigned a painfully shot through his heart. “Prongs…That hurt.” He then pretended to shed tears. “And here I thought you loved me!”

“Sirius you’re a moron!” Lily exclaimed furiously. “Here we are trying to help you and you can’t even take your head out of your ass long enough to listen to what we are saying!”

“I am listening Lily.” Sirius told her as if she was five. “I just don’t agree with what you are say-ing.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder dismissively. “Well that’s because you’re in denial!”

“Look Paddy.” James smiled fakely, “We aren’t saying make Eleanor your girlfriend. We aren’t even saying get a job! We are just saying-“


James starred at his wife in alarm before going back to Sirius. “She’s crazy…but she’s right.”

“I'll think about it.” He shot Lily a wary look. “Alright?”

Lily took a deep breath, adjusted her jacket and stood up. “You better do more than think about it. If I see you with another slutty blonde I will lose my mind! Don’t you even know any brunettes?!”

“No.” Sirius lied with a smirk.

James shook his head and opened Sirius’s front door. “We should get going.”

“Yeah…” Lily fixed her jaw before walking over and seizing the collar of Sirius shirt. “Look Sirius I love you and because I know that you are a good person and deserve better I am going to keep bothering you about this. So get your head out of your ass and straighten up your life!” She released him and stood next to her husband. “Now… Don’t make me come back here.”

Sirius set his face neutral before saluting her. “Yes mam!”

James gave Sirius a dirty look before slowly closing the door. “Why do you have to antagonize her?”

“Because I can.”


James shut his door all the way. Laughing to himself Sirius finished his breakfast now in peace and tried to ignore what Lily had said. It didn’t faze him at first. He just went on with his day like he always did. An hour later he went and hung around Diagon Alley. On the errands he got a fresh edition of the Daily Prophet, a cup of coffee, went and got some new dress robes and went to go work out. Though he already had muscles naturally Sirius liked to stay in shape. Peter was his example for exactly why he should stay fit. There he was twenty years old and unable to run for more than five minutes straight. The thought of being caught by Death Eaters because of something stupid like that sickened Sirius to his core.  Plus running helped him think clearier. Lifting weights on the other hand was just something he did to do. Running was more therapeutic than that.


When he got home to take a shower he saw an urgent Owl waiting for him. Taken aback he ripped it open. Fear trickled down his spine as he instantly recognized Remus’s large looped handwriting.



Come to James’s quick. They took Lily.


Without wasting anytime Sirius changed his clothes and went right over. Remus was waiting for him at the front door. He looked like he’d been hit by the Knight Bus. This sent a wave of panic into Sirius’s already accelerated blood stream.  Rushing inside he locked the door and chose to talk to Remus first.


“What’s the situation?”

“We were just sitting in the three broomsticks having lunch, twenty or so Death Eaters showed up.” Remus reported in a grave tone.

Sirius sulked, “Any causalities?”

“No.” Remus sighed. “They were after prisoners. They took Dorcas and Peter too.”

“Merlin. It’s all bad…Where’s James?”

“Living room.”


Patting Remus on the back Sirius moved on through the house to find James. The second his grey eyes took hold of James’s figure he half wished he didn’t find him. His best friend was just… gone. All that was left was this pathetic shell of a man. Any confidence Sirius had that he could talk James into staying calm was shot to hell. One glance at his face told Sirius that. Leaning his back against the wall behind him Sirius took a long breath and tried to locate the words that would heal his best friend. In the span of ten minutes he began to realize that the reason he was having such trouble was because there were no set words for this. So Sirius opted to just sitting next to him. James didn’t look up, he knew he was there.


For two hours they sat there. Neither moving. Neither speaking. The images going through James’s head were enough to keep him quiet. With his parent’s deaths to remember he was more than terrified that he would have to bury his wife as well. James’s posture was stiff. His body was tilted downward and his eyes were glued to the carpet before him. Sirius felt nothing but guilt. If he had been at the stupid luncheon…. If he had just sucked it up and gone maybe he could have saved James the agony he felt now.  Glaring at the crackling fire Sirius became more and more livid with himself. Lily was like his little sister and where was he when she needed his help? Remus came in and glanced unsurely at the pair. He wisely chose to remain quiet. The three of them sat on James’s couch for a long time before Emmeline Vance came in.


“There’s an Order meeting guys…”

Sirius nodded at her before sharing a look with Remus about James. Remus stood. “They’re staying. I’ll go.”

Emmeline looked unsure. “Ah Dumbledore asked for everyone…”

“I can tell them what is said at the meeting.” Remus reassured her.

“Okay…” She gave James a saddened look. “I’m sorry James.”


He jerked his head up ever so slightly in recognition before going back to his isolated state. Sirius rose and walked Emmeline to the door.


“Is he going to be alright?”

Sirius shrugged, “If she’s not he’s not.”

“Well I hope she is…For both their sakes.” She smiled bitterly before hugging him.

“Me too. Thanks Em.”

“Anytime Black.”


The rest of the night Sirius stayed dutifully at his best friends side. Remus eventually returned and informed them that they staged a mission and found Peter and Dorcas. When Sirius wordlessly asked about Lily Remus shook his head with a heavy heart. The three of them stayed up all night. None of them said a thing until breakfast.


“I’m going to make some breakfast. We need to eat to stay awake.”

Sirius waited with James until Remus was done cooking. James turned to Sirius suddenly. “I keep going over in my head….Things I could have done.”

“You can’t think like that mate.” Sirius told him sternly even though he was doing the exact same thing.  He grabbed his shoulder firmly. “Lily’s a fighter. She’ll pull through.”

“You’re right. I just can’t help thinking of what could happen.”

“I know.”

James gave him a hard glare. “No Sirius. You really don’t.”

“Hey I’m worried about Lily too-“

“But you don’t love her like I do…You’ve never dared to love anybody that much…” James muttered under his breath depressedly.

Sirius’s jaw flattened. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really? I don’t? I’m your best friend Sirius. I don’t remember you ever so much as keeping a girlfriend for more than a week.”

“Well …You don’t know everything.” Sirius implied darkly as a shadow passed over his face.

James snorted deliberately. “I know enough.”

“Come on guys!” Remus called loudly from the kitchen.

Sirius gave James a sincere look. “I will do everything I can to help.”

I know…” A flash of regret flooded through his sharp hazel eyes. “Sorry Paddy.” He groaned and rubbed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have said-“

No worries mate.” Sirius smiled forgivingly. “Now come on. let’s get some grub before Remus transforms into a woman.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a stretch.” James joked back weakly.


Remus set down plates for each of them and sat down with his own. Sirius checked his watch and swore. “I will be right back. I have to let the painters in.”

“Hurry up. Benji , Dorcas, Peter and Caradoc will be over soon.”

“I’ll be just a second.”


Moving at warped speed he apparated back to his flat, opened the door, left a note and checked his messages before returning back to James’s house. Everyone Remus mentioned would be there was. Remus was in his element. He cooked food for all of them and after cleaned up the dishes with Dorcas and Benji. Sirius himself was beginning to lose steam. Even with the food now nestled contently in his stomach he needed a jolt of energy. While everyone was reconvening in the living room Sirius made himself some coffee and went upstairs to wash his face. On his way back downstairs he heard James shouting his wife’s name. At first Sirius was alarmed but when he saw her standing there, trapped in James’s death grip, he realized that she was back.



Then, Sirius froze. His heart felt like it was fire as he recognized the girl Lily and James was talking to. ‘It can’t be her…It can’t be her,’ He thought to himself as his face flushed bright red. Then he heard her speak and he knew it was. Agony was his. In the years that had passed he knew eventually he would hear her distinctive brisk voice again. His gut wished for nothing more for her to turn around. His pride on the other hand wished her nothing more than the true raw torture he was experiencing now. Sirius didn’t get a chance to express these emotions to her however because the minute he stepped forward to do so she apparated away. Breathing unevenly Sirius went over to Lily.


“What happened?” He demanded in harsh tone.

“That Auror saved me.” Lily responded in bewilderment.

Sirius starred at her in confusion. “That what?”

“Sweetheart?” James questioned Lily gently. “How do you know she’s a Auror?”

“I saw the badge sticking out of her pocket.”

“She could have-“

Lily held up her hand to cut off his speech. “It had her name on it.”

James’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah…She gave me medicine and stopped my bleeding-“

“BLEEDING?!” James yelled in panic searching his wife for the blood. “Where?!”

She grabbed his face. “She-stopped-the-bleeding-and-gave-me-medicine.”

“So...You’re okay?”

“Just a little dizzy.”

“Well come on. Let’s sit you down.”



Sirius watched James escort Lily upstairs. He now noticed the others lingering in the doorway. Dorcas gave Sirius an odd look. “Black you okay?”


Peter raised his eyebrows. “Because you look like you were just run over.”

“I’m…” Sirius cleared his throat, “Fine.”

“Well come on mate. We all are clearing out now to let James be alone with Lily.” Peter told him slowly, putting his arm around him.


“You sure you’re alright?”

Sirius adverted his gaze awkwardly. “Never been better.”

Author Notes:

Thank you for reading! I want to especially thank: RandomRyter, pheonix, rezofsunshine, iha_02, zEthHPfrEaK, paramcrchic08, heyITSme, cococola131, nemo, pheonix_wings, sH3lBy1203, Tammy,  xRhymesxWithxWitch, Dancing_by_Magic, alexblack, ihavealife iswear and thebakerwhowouldntcook; for reviewing!

I truly appreciate it and I hope you all continue to review and read this story!

Chapter 5: (Bang, Bang) My Baby Shot Me Down
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Forty two seconds. That’s how long it took for the ice inside me to melt. In my life I could probably have spent that amount of time doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in class watching the clock. Standing in line at the apparation office. All of which wasted that span of time. Standing there I wished I was in those two situations. This was the most anxiety worn forty two seconds of my life.

When I walked in I took off my shades. I regretted that decision deeply now. My face was no trouble to compose but my eyes weren’t that effortless. It normally took a bit of difficulty to manage my usual cold, emotionless façade. Now it was impossible. With him starring at me with such intensity I couldn’t think. I can’t even breathe. All the others were looking at me too but I didn’t care. I knew that they didn’t trust me. The funny thing about Hogwarts is you can be a Hufflepuff, a Ravenclaw and a Gryffindor and associate with one another casually. But if you’re a Slythern you are treated like  dirt. No one but Slythern’s talk to you. So if you don’t get along with them then you don’t get along with anybody. It’s been awhile since I’ve been glared at in that perspective. I’ve forgotten how quickly the hatred for them spreads to my veins.


“Well that convenes this meeting,” Dumbledore breathed pressing his finger tips together thoughtfully. “I hope to see you all on Wednesday. Sirius, Benji and Remus don’t forget to pick up your assignments for tonight.”

“Yes sir.” They answered in three identical low grunts.

Dumbledore smiled down the table at the other Order members. “You may all leave.”


A few of them stood up and left. One –I think his name is Rick Vance- gave me a fleeting smile. Which isn’t much but at least he doesn’t hate my guts. Hesitantly I decided I would just go talk to Dumbledore briefly and then leave. The remaining members conversed among themselves. On the way down the long table I heard that unfortunately they were all gossiping not-so-subtly about me. Emmeline Vance was the most evident. She waited until I walked behind her to whisper to Dorcas Meadowes that I was a bitch. Dorcas didn’t say anything in response but I felt her gaze on my face. Distantly I found that interesting because I can’t ever remember talking to her. Funny huh? Dumbledore seemed to be the only one immune to feeling instant hatred towards me. He smiled at me warmly as I approached.




“You don’t have to call me Professor anymore Juliette.” He reminded me with a chuckle.

I shifted my weight self consciously. “Mr. Dumbledore sounds….awkward.”

"Why not try my first name?"

"I would feel far too rude referring to you by your first name." I laughed shakily.

He conceeded, “Well then why don’t you just call me Dumbledore?”

I frowned and thought it over. “Alright… That will work.”

“Feeling out of place?” He commented quietly as a few other people left the room.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how incredibly dry my mouth was. “You could say that…”

He put his hand on my shoulder, “You should go over. They want to apologize.”

“I should,” I sighed and gave him a half-hearted smile, “ But I don’t know if I can be the bigger person.”

"You've come a long way since Hogwarts. You should let them see that."

I nodded and walked away.


It had nothing to do with Lily and James. The reason I didn’t want to go over there was because Sirius was sitting right in between them. Dumbledore looked at me and again I felt like he was x-raying me. In my vulnerable state I was unsure of whether I was just getting paranoid or if Dumbledore was just more powerful than I knew.  Seconds later he broke the glance and smiled. It wasn’t like before either. This smile was knowing, like he just understood my life story with that one brief glance. It wasn’t really creepy but it wasn’t exactly heartwarming either. I checked my watch and tried to think of a good enough excuse to leave. I should be a stronger person. I should be able to take this. To be able to just walk right up to him and not feel a thing. The funny thing is if it were anybody else I would have. But with Sirius I never could.



“Well …I’m going to-“ I began but Dumbledore cut me off before I could escape.

“Lily, James.”


The pair stood up and walked over. They both looked like they were going to the dentist. “Um...” Potter started in an unenthusiastic tone. “I want to apologize for," He paused to clear his throat,"…jumping to conclusions.”

I faked a very very weak smile. “It’s fine.”

“Thank you.” Lily muttered sincerely but quietly.

“You’re welcome.”

Dumbledore intervened before the conversation died out. “May I ask where you found her?”

“A building in downtown London.”

James grimaced and wrapped his arm around Lily. “Was she really badly hurt?”

I could have bragged. I could have told him the truth and said that she would have died if I had left her there but I didn’t. “She’s fine now.” I made a point to look down at my watch. “Well, I’ll see you all on Wednesday.”

“Bye.” The three of them echoed.



Alice Prewett, Dan Crestner, Tom Lengthen and Sirius were the only people left at the table as I went out. Before I reached the door I looked back just once. He was staring at me. I walked away and felt my body trembling. When I reached the door I felt myself losing control. It was like slicing a knife through an old but never fully healed wound. I apparated back to my loft.

For a second I worried Renee may be home. After saying hello three times I began to appreciate the fact that she wasn’t. Then right there in the living room I broke down completely. There he was. Just sitting there. Staring at me. He didn’t say a word to me. I wouldn’t even think he knew I was there if he wasn’t constantly looking at me. Why didn’t he say something? Something mean, something nice. Why didn’t he just say something? Running into the bathroom I didn’t even bother to take off my clothes. I tugged the nozzle on and sat in the tub as the shower dropped cold water onto my body. Rocking back and forth I hugged my knees to my chin. Memories I avoided for years came back to haunt me.


“What happened to you?” Parker asked me quietly as I lowered the book from my face.

My face was automatically dark and sullen, “I’m disowned…You shouldn’t talk to me.”

“Jules what happened?” His voice was low and worried.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I paused to bit my lip, “Believe me you don’t want to know.”

He placed his hand over mine. “Jules you’re starting to scare me. You’ve been MIA for two weeks and you look like …”

“Hell?” I finished for him with a bitter expression.

“Who did this to you?” His voice was soft but there was a protective undercurrent of rage.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my right temple. “Just go okay?”

“I’m not going to ditch you. Why would you think that?”

“Look around. In the past day have you seen Angie and Taylor even glance in my direction? I had to move out of the Slythern common room last night because they wouldn’t even acknowledge me when the other girls made me leave. I’ve been disowned. My family doesn’t want me anymore. My friends pretend I don’t exist.” Hollow tears filled my black eyes, “If you know what’s good for you, you will leave me.”



He didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t the type to give in to depression but back then it took me over. I couldn’t draw breath without feeling agonizing pain. Not just emotionally either.



Yaxley shot another crucio through me with a smirk as Nott held me back. Blood rushed out of my mouth and down my jaw. My eyes were bloodshot and hazy. After so many hits I was beginning to lose consciousness. It was getting to the point where I was losing the will to fight. Nott was no longer holding me back but holding me up. I was getting weaker by the second. I should have been stronger. I’d been through worse but I couldn’t make myself care as much I needed to.


Coming up Yaxley grabbed my hair and lifted my head. “This is what we think of blood traitors.”

“Why don’t you look in the mirror when you say that?” I whispered in a weak tone.

“What did you say?” He growled in a threatening tone.

I took a series of uneven breaths then gritted my blood covered teeth. “Go fuck yourself.”


It wasn’t the smartest response but I was half dead when I said it...Clenching my eyes shut tighter I tasted blood on my lip from where my teeth were. The bathroom door suddenly opened and Renee came in. “What are you doing?

“Remember that guy I told you about? The one who broke my heart?” No need to be subtle. Not now.

She squinted her eyes and squatted down next to the tub. “Yeah.”

“I saw him today.” I must look like how I feel by the sudden understanding her eyes. “I just joined the Order of The Phoenix and he’s in it.”

“The Order of the Phoenix? Like the Greek order?”

“Yeah except it’s against Voldemort.”

She frowned concernedly. “Did he say anything to you?”

“No. He just... stared at me.”

“Come on.” Renee grabbed the tops of my arms and lifted me to my feet. “Merlin you’re trembling…”

I shook my head, “I’ll be fine.”

She glared at me for lying but didn’t say anything.


Calmly she took me into my room and tucked me into my bed. For someone who just took a warm shower I felt so cold. Somehow I didn’t have to say anything else. She just covered me in covers and shut my door shut. His voice echoed in my head, ‘“I’ll come after you. Always.”’


The next day I woke up to a headache. It was awful. Clumsily I headed into the living room. I pressed my hand to the side of my head achingly and found that the flat was empty. She left a note. It reminded me that I had a mandatory day off today. Renee thought I should lay low and if I go out only to visit Mim. It was a good idea. I hadn’t visited Mim in a month. Grabbing some headache medicine I shoved the pills into my ajar mouth and sipped some tap water. I knew the worst was over. My headache was entirely stressed produced and the only way to calm it down would be to actually take a day off. I’d never really taken a day off since I started working. Even on the days I was required to take off –they force us to take so many days off of active duty so we don’t crack up- I usually still go into the ministry and file paperwork.



Going into the bathroom I poured myself a bath and took off my damp clothes from the night before. I never told Renee his name and she never asked. I’d known Renee for two and a half years and lived with her for one. Of all the people I have been friends with in my life Renee is the only person who I trusted enough to tell her how I became disowned. The reason is that I know that she wouldn’t ever judge me. Nik would have been furious that I never came to him. He would have conveniently forgotten that we only started talking four months after I was disowned and that at the time of my renouncement he and I hadn’t spoken in years. Now we were different but he still wouldn’t understand. Parker and I never talked about any of it. I’ve been friends with him for nearly fifteen years but we just can't seem to go there.  Mim…I could never tell her. It would break her heart to know the entire truth about her daughter and son in-law. Sure she had her theories but she had never so much as shared one with me.

Lying in the water I held my breath and slipped underneath the water. I heard nothing. Not that sound of the cars on the streets, not the wind on the trees outside. I heard nothing. It was peaceful. When I ran out of air I regrettably breeched the surface and took a deep breath. Loudly my ears popped and I let out a deep and heavy sigh. Ten minutes later I was fully dressed and starving. I’d never been much of a cook. I’m able to make enough for myself but I never could make enough food for another person. While choosing between cereal and eggs I heard a loud knock on the door. With a frown I answered it. Of all the people I didn’t expect to see Lorenzo at my door with a black eye and ice pack. Moving out of the way I shut the door behind him and went back into the kitchen. Somehow him appearing made me choose eggs.

“Want some eggs?”

He shook his head as he lay down on my couch. “No. Where were you today? It’s one and you’re not at work.”

“I have the day off remember?”

“Yeah,” he readjusted his ice pack sullenly, “But you always come in.”

I shrugged in response. I hated that he knew that about me. I hated being predictable. “Want a bigger bag of ice?”

“Can’t you fix it?”

“I will after I eat.”


He didn’t say anything. I felt his eyes on me but I didn’t say anything. Simply I just got the eggs out of the refrigerator and began cooking. Once I was done I turned everything off and put them on a plate. His expression was fathomless as I sat across from him and began eating. After a minute I realized he was watching me. Not in a creepy stalker way but in an observational curious way. Still I found his abrupt curiosity odd.


“So would you like to tell me why you are staring at me?”

“You’re not going to ask what happened?” His voice showed his surprise.

I shook my head indifferently. “If you want to tell me you will.”

“What happened to you?”

That question struck me as odd. I didn’t say anything I wouldn’t have normally said or done anything I wouldn’t normally do. What made him think there was something wrong? “What do you mean?

“Your eyes are puffy.” He commented blankly.

“Um…yeah.” I responded lamely.

Lorenzo leaned forward curiously. “Not going to share?”

“Nothing to tell.”

“See I think it’s gotten to the point where you are so good at lying you don’t even realize when you're doing it anymore.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “If I’m so good at it then why don’t you believe me?”

“Because I know you…Something’s off. I’m concerned.” He admitted under his breath.

“You’re concerned?” I raised my eyebrows mockingly. “Thanks… I think.”

“Well someone has to worry about you.” He muttered quietly.

“Ah you’re forgetting about Renee, Nik, Mim-“

“I’m talking about someone who actually knows what you go through day in and day out.”


I wanted to yell at him. To tell him that he didn’t know me at all. That he had no idea what I went through or who I was before he met me. I wanted to explain that if he had known me then he most likely wouldn’t be having this conversation with me now. Looking down I noticed my fists were clenched. I relaxed my hands and put my plate in the sink.


“Alright I give.” I could do the whole …supportive thing. I sat next to him and took out some healing solution. “How’d you get the black eye?”

Authors Note:

Chapter 1; Somebody Told Me   By: The Killers.
Chapter 2; Take It or Leave It   By: JET.
Chapter 3; For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic   By: Paramore.
Chapter 4; You   By: Switchfoot.
Chapter 5; (Bang, Bang) My Baby Shot Me Down   By: Nancy Sinatra.

All the songs behind the titles above. THANK YOU FOR READING! I hope you like it. I know, I know you all wanted there to be a Juliette/Sirius show down but trust me when I say it was neccesary to post-pone it. PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 6: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away
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He wanted to drown himself a thousand times in Black Lake when he saw her walk into the Great Hall. In the two weeks she had been gone she changed for the worse. She had lost a lot of weight in that short amount of time, there were bruises all over her and her black eyes were hollowed out. Sirius wanted to go over to her. To demand to know what was going on and force her to let him help her with whatever it was that had caused her to look so defeated but as soon as he stood up Evangeline Phillips wrapped her arms around his neck
. Before he could move her he saw Juliette’s face. Never had he seen someone flash a look of such pain and suffering in such a small amount of time. Guilt spread through him as he realized how it must have looked to her. It then hit him. She didn’t want him. As much as that hurt him and as much as it broke him he had to let her go. Walking away Evangeline followed him and pinned him to the stone wall.



“Eve.” He groaned bitterly.

The brunette gave him a confused look. “What’s wrong Siri?”

He flinched. He loathed that nickname. Juliette never would have called him that. Mentally he berated himself for thinking about her. “Evangeline you are gorgeous but I can’t….”

“What’s going on with you?” Her flawless face was taken aback by his rejection.

“I just can’t alright?”

She scoffed and walked away from him. “Your loss…”

He grimaced as Juliette’s face flashed in his head. “I know…”


Sirius Black woke up with a headache and a hangover to boot. Squinting his eyes in discomfort Sirius glanced around and was thankful to find that for once his bed was empty. His torso shook as he tried to put all his weight on his arms.  For a second he didn’t know what happened. He didn’t know why his breath smelled so strongly of Firewiskey. He didn’t know why he had drunk so much. He didn’t know what happened the day before. Then his eyes caught sight of the bruise over his knuckles and everything came flooding back.



Drumming his fingers on the table in front of him he let out a soft sigh. They all were just sitting there waiting for Dumbledore talking to pass the time. His mind was calm but he kept thinking of her. Was that really her? Or was he wrong? Shaking his head he gave James a half hearted smile and rubbed his eyes. He felt like hell. Whenever he would hear about ghosts from people’s pasts he would laugh and think how lucky he was that none of his relationships were ever serious. Then a couple of minutes or a couple of hours later he would just be sitting there and one memory would come back and haunt him. It made him feel fake and phony. Wanting nothing more than to forget her Sirius opened his mouth and turned to say something to Remus when Dumbledore walked in.



If he thought that hearing her voice and seeing her from behind was bad he had no idea what he was in for. Physically he always had a high thresh-hold for pain but he couldn’t grasp that concept the second he saw her. Time had been good to her. She was perfectly thin and in amazing shape. Her hair was just below her shoulders and had more highlights in it –he knew that the highlights were natural, Juliette Paxton would never chemically alter her hair. Her skin was tanner than the last time he had seen her –which better accented her raised cheek bones and full lips. Taking her appearance fully he caught an interesting looking scar stretching from her thumb to her wrist. She wore some jeans that managed to fit her slender legs and curved bottom perfectly. On top she wore a plain white shirt with the words, ‘Is This Good for the Company,’ on the front with a familiar brown leather biker jacket over it. Since she hadn’t looked at him yet he found a way to disconnect from. He allowed himself to wonder how much she had changed. Then mid way through the speech of Dumbledore’s -that he was not listening to- she shifted her weight and made a tiny squeak with her shoes. No one else noticed. Subtly he glanced under the table and saw she was wearing black converse. He wanted to smile at the fact that at least one thing had remained from the girl he once knew. He probably would have let out a smile and remained detached from the situation if she hadn’t looked right at him.



His heart clenched agonizingly. She starred back fiercely her eyes blazing with an emotion he assumed could only be hatred. They hadn’t spoken since Bellatrix caught them kissing three years ago. Now the tension between them was enough to drive him temporarily insane. The rest of the time she never paid him any attention she went over to talk to Dumbledore a bit. Then she moved to leave but stopped at the doorway and glanced back at him. That sight horrified him. Her warm black eyes were cold and blank as if she had no emotions left. And then she was gone.



It didn’t take a lot of intelligence to figure out what happened next. The minute she was gone he nodded at James and hit the Leaky Cauldron. After about five shots of Firewiskey he got into some stupid fight with a guy over the Cannon’s being the worst team in the league -which they were in his opinon. The guy didn’t fight back at first but after Sirius threw the first punch the other guy had no choice but to fight back. He didn’t even blame the other guy. Rising from his bed he winced and clutched his face.



She was back. He would have to see Juliette Eleanor Paxton almost every day from now on. Closing his eyes he saw her face. He saw her smiling at him. It took him a minute to get a grip. She had come back into his life like a rapid flame; blazing and flooding into his heart. How could he coexist with her? Shaking his head he tried to think about something else but he couldn’t. Why did it have to be her that saved Lily? Of all the Auror’s that could have stumbled ober her in one of their missions why did it have to be the one girl that he actually gave a shit about? Why couldn’t it have been anyone else? He groaned as he heard a loud pounding on his front door.



James stood at the door with a perplexed look. “What the hell happened to you mate?”

Nothing.” Sirius grunted back in a bitter tone before walking over to his couch and sinking down into it.

“You’re a rotten liar Padfoot.”

He sighed exhaustedly, “Don’t worry about it Prongs.”

“Is it about the new girl?” James inquired intuitively. “You looked mad when she walked in.”

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. “Mad?”

“Yeah. So do you know her?”

Something like that…”

James sat next to him. “Why are you being so cryptic?”

“Prongs back off alright?” He groaned into his hands.

“Okay …weirdo.”

“What are you doing here anyway?”

James shrugged, “You took off so quick last night I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.”

“I needed a drink.”

“Yeah…I can smell that.”


Sirius reached over and hit him in the face with a pillow. He then got up and went to brush his teeth and wash his face.  James watched him the whole time. The thing about being best friends with someone as long as they had is that they knew when there was something wrong even when the other person denied it.



“You know we have a meeting in an hour right?”

Sirius grimaced and spat out a mouthful of toothpaste. “In an hour?”

“Dumbledore called an emergency meeting.”


“Check your mail…It has something to do with Lestrange.”

He did so after he pulled on a shirt and pants. “The ministry has him in custody.”



James flooded his arms over his chest. “Did it say who arrested him?”

His mouth twitched. “Paxton did.”

“See….What the hell was that?” James accused hotly.

“What was what?” Sirius replied avoiding his glance.

“You twitched! You totally and completely twitched!”

“I did not! Quit being ridiculous Prongs.”

“ME? I’M RIDICULOUS?!” James scoffed darkly, “There has been many occasions where that claim has been proven true but right now it applies to you.”

Sirius walked around him and went to grab something to eat.

“See?! Now you won’t even look at me.”

“Just leave it alone…Okay?”

James frowned, “Fine…for now.”

Sirius gave him a strange look. “Why are you glowing?”


“Your cheeks are deep red, your eyes are bright and you have this whole we’re-in-a-serious-conversation-but-I’m-still-happy lightness about you.”

James gave him a double take. “What?”

“What is it? Why are you so happy?”

“Fine.” He sighed, “I wasn’t supposed to tell you but-“


James smirked.

“AHHHHHH!” Sirius ran over and hugged James tightly before picking him up and swinging him around. “YOU’RE GONNA BE A PAPA! YOU’RE GONNA BE A DADDY!....” Sirius put him down on his feet and looked wistfully out into the distance. “Am I too young to be an uncle?”

He laughed heartedly, “I love that you turn this back to yourself.”

“It’s what I do.” Sirius shrugged. “How far along is Lily?”

“Two weeks.”


James raised his hands warningly. “Don’t say anything to her though. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone yet.”

“Mums the word.”

“Well we better get to that meeting…Remember don’t say anything to Lily.”

Sirius nodded and grabbed his jacket. “I won’t Prongs.”


It took them a few minutes before they got to the Order Headquarters. He looked around and saw Lily sitting in between Alice and Dorcas. He glanced away the minute she looked his way though. He would wait for her to break the news to him like he promised. Dumbledore smiled at James and Sirius as they entered and put his arm around Sirius.



“There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” Sirius followed Dumbledore to the other side of the table to where Juliette was sitting.



She was talking to Rick about something when Dumbledore tapped her shoulder. Her dark eyes caught Sirius’s as she turned around to face them. He felt his whole body heat up from the passion of her gaze. His heart skipped a beat before accelerating to a faster speed than before. She considered something for a minute before standing up. Dumbledore moved back an inch and put Sirius and Juliette slightly closer together.  



“Juliette this is Sirius Black. Sirius this is Juliette Paxton.”



Sirius controlled his face and forced himself to stick out his hand. It was hard. To think of touching her skin and act like she meant nothing to him but he managed it. That second was the first time he saw her icy exterior break. It was just a flash. If he had looked away he wouldn’t have seen it but luckily he was starring right at her. He saw a split second of what she was going on in her head. The emotions most evident there were her pain and fear. Bravely he took her slender warm little hand in his and shook it. Mid-shake a memory popped up in his mind.

She felt his face concernedly. “You’re freezing.”

“I’m alright.” He shrugged half lying.

“No you’re not!”

Sirius snorted, “How are you going to tell me how I am?”

“Because I know you! Come here.” She took off her gloves and locked his hands with hers. “See? You’re cold.”

“Or,” He smirked arrogantly. “You are just really really hot!”

She gave the throaty laugh that he loved so much. “Oh okay!”

He suddenly glanced down at their hands and genuinely smiled. “Look…They fit.”

“Yeah,” she blushed brightly, “They do.”


When reality came flooding back he saw that he was still holding her hand. James coughed awkwardly and Sirius made himself release her hand and look away.



“Nice to meet you.” He muttered before walking over to sit in the empty seat next to Remus. Sirius closed his eyes and rubbed his eye lids. He could have sworn he heard her say, ‘Nice to meet you too.

Authors Note:

I'm not so sure about this chapter...I know I went in the right direction but i'm not so sure about the content....Anyway PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 7: There Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
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I laughed and snorted as Parker and I roamed around the castle drunkly. It was way past curfew and we were too far gone to care. I would still be table dancing with Taylor and Angie if Parker didn’t convince me to come down. I didn’t listen to him at first. In that state I didn’t give a rat’s ass if we had a potions test in seven hours. All I cared about was dancing and having fun. It wasn’t even like I could fail the test. I’d studied for it for five minutes and memorized it. So there wasn’t even a hint of concern in my mind as I stumbled and crashed into every wall around me.


“Shhhhsushhhh!” I giggled at Parker as we fell to the floor laughing.

He was practically crying as he fell on top of me hysterically. “Jay!...Jay…!”


“…” He never finished or even started his answer. Parker simply busted into a fit of laughter.



After a few minutes we rose off the ground and made it back to the dorms. It was absurdly quiet when we came bashing in. He fell asleep on the couch the minute he hit it while I attempted to make it to the girl’s staircase. Even then I knew I wouldn’t want to fall asleep on the loveseat. Because then along with my inevitable hangover would be a painfully stiff neck to make me feel even worse. That would be the exact definition of hell. So I trudged to the stairs only to be stopped by Regulus.



“Whhhho…” He breathed waving a hand at my breath. “How hard have you been hitting it? You look totaled…”

“AH HUH!” I mumbled sleepily falling on him.

He wrapped his arms around me and laughed softly. “Juliette, you’re crazy. You know that?”

“No!” I protested weakly, “You are!”

“Okay Juliette…maybe we should get you up to bed…”

I frowned and put all my weight on him. “But I caaaaaaaan’t!...I’m simply toooooo drunkkkk and even if you could lift me up those stairs. You couldn’t walk on them.”

“Here why don’t we try this-“ He paused to lean down and pick me up bridal style. “-I’ll let you sleep in my bed.”

I was too out of it to care. “Okay…”

Halfway up the stairs I heard him chuckling. “You sure do know have a good time Juliette.”

“What makes you say that Black?” I yawned dreamily.

“When I lifted you I got a flash…nice thong Paxton.'"


“Lorenzo…Explain to me why you were here in the first place.”

He smirked sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck. “Come on Paxton not everybody goes home and knits after work.”

“I don’t knit.” I scoffed darkly giving him a dirty look as I sat on the bar stool.

“Wow…” He shot back sarcastically, “Something you actually can’t do.”

“… I can knit. I just don’t.”

“Damn…I thought I had actually found something you couldn’t do.”

I shook my head at him disapprovingly. “Lorenzo. Focus. What did this guy look like?”

“I dunno actually…”

“Are you serious?” I questioned him incredulously, “Why did we come all the way down here-?!”

He turned away from me and leaned forward. “Hey Mike? Can I get I Butterbeer?”

“Yeah sure DeMarko.” A gruff tall robust man with yellowing teeth.

I gave Lorenzo a look of confusion as he took off his jacket. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m taking off my jacket Paxton. What does it look like?”



I didn’t even bother arguing with him. I leaned over the counter and called Mike. “Hey, were you working last night?”

“I own the joint little girl.” He replied in a low grunt.

I flashed my badge at him automatically, “Did you see what guy hit him?”

He scratched his beard thoughtfully, “Yeah…He was six foot something…dark hair, black leather jacket …drunk as a skunk.”

“Black leather…” I stopped mid-sentence but shook my head. It couldn’t have been…”You didn’t catch his name?”

“Bloke bought a coppa’ drinks, hit DeMarko and left. He comes in here from time to time.”

“About how old was he?”

“Twenty something…”

I nodded and had a very vivid idea who it was that had hit Lorenzo, “Thank you.”

“Can I get you something?”

“She doesn’t drink.” Lorenzo sulked from next to me as he watched a couple across the way.

I gave him a look a turned to face him as Mike left. “Okay, what are you doing?”


“Let me rephrase that,” My face displayed my irritation perfectly. “What are we doing here?”

He gave me a shifty glance, “What do you mean?”

“You don’t care who hit you. So why are we here?”

He sighed, “Truth?”


“…I was just trying to get you to loosen up….Get out of your apartment with your endless stacks of novels and newspapers and crosswords and just…loosen up.”



I wanted to be mad but I wasn’t. He was just trying to …Well to be nice. Lorenzo wasn’t the direct type when he showed honest concern. Growing up with five sisters and no brothers somehow made him socially dysfunctional with showing affection. You would think it would have had the exact opposite effect but with Lorenzo nothing is ever what it’s supposed to be. With his good looks, brains and charm he could be crawling with girls but yet I have yet to see him with a girl. Sure he occasionally knocks me for the way I look or pretends to shoot me a cheesy come on but he’s the most harmless guy ever. I’m just about the least trusting person ever but from the moment I met him I trusted him. So I decided to trust him then.



“I know how to loosen up...” I saw him tense at the slight hurt in my voice.

“Paxton…I’ve never seen you loosen up…Ever and I’ve known you long enough to see if you do.”

I gave him a blunt stare. “Lorenzo…You don’t know me.”

Don’t I?



I stared at him for a few minutes before I considered what my response would be. Was he right? Was I lifeless? I didn’t even have to finish the thought before I knew it was true. I used to be completely different. When I was seventeen I was full of life. I would dance, drink and do what I pleased. I was in love and happy. Now what am I? Once everything was said and done I was beaten, weak and utterly alone. I swore at that moment that I would never let myself be that person again. I would never be helpless. I would never be defeated. I would never depend on anyone or expect anything from anyone again. So I became this. Which was worse? Being a vibrant naïve girl with no consideration for her actions or a tough emotionless girl who forms no attachments to nobody.



He nudged me with his elbow roughly. “You there?”

“Yeah…I’m here.”

“Good..cause I see two suspects about to rob this place.”

I glanced up suddenly alerted and immediately pushed my insecurities aside. “The two goons with their hoods covering their faces?”

He took a sip of his drink, “A huh.”




We did nothing at first. The worst thing we could have done was flash our badges and try to arrest them. The best option was to act like we were just like everyone else. Lorenzo raised his arm and scratched his nose as I turned to face the bar.



“What do we got?”

“So far it’s…wait.”

I turned slowly and listened intently.

Lorenzo scoffed evidently amused, “Now there are four of them.”

“Well,” I smiled to myself half heartedly, “You always love a challenge.”

“This is true.”

“So …while we’re waiting…” I started happy my face was hidden from his eyes. “Is that really how you see me?”

Lorenzo sighed, “Honestly?”

“When do I ever ask for anything else?”

“Fine,” He gave in slightly, “I don’t think you don’t know how to loosen up. I think you’re just too…guarded to let yourself go.”



I didn’t answer. It kind of freaked me out that he noticed that. Then again he’s my partner so he should know some things about me that no one else does….It still freaked me out though…


“Status?” I questioned in a monotone.

“Taking over the exits. I didn’t mean to …” His voice got soft.

I shook my head, “Let’s just forget it and stay focused.”

One of the hooded men growled menacingly under his breath sending shivers up my spine.

I groaned, “Drunkie go over there and take at least two of them….Play it up too because there’s a rare chance someone could get drunk before four o’clock.”

“Eye Eye Paxton.”



Lorenzo is nothing but a good actor. I used his left over Butterbeer to see the situation behind me. He staggered over to them pretending to fleeing for the bathroom with a mouthful of vomit before ‘accidently’ knocking over two of the guys over. He started laughing hysterically. One of the guards rushed over to lift him up to his feet.



“Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy baaaadsa,” Lorenzo snorted delightedly.



I glanced around and my eyes widened when I noticed that Edgar Bones was with his wife towards the back of the bar.  Of course…He was the brother of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones and a member of the Order of the Phoenix. This was brilliant. Double murder in the middle of the day. No one was suspecting anything and therefore no one would be able to stop them in time. Except for well…Lorenzo and me. The question in my mind was how high level the Death Eaters were. Were they interns sent on a simple mission or was this a professional hit? Interns we could take down up front but professionals were trickier. They knew how to avoid us and how to take civilians down with them if they couldn’t accomplish that.



It took me a few seconds before I heard them knock Lorenzo to the ground. He took their wands the minute they got their hands on him. Now I just had to figure out how to take out the other two…I glanced over and saw Lorenzo’s Butterbeer glass gleaming at me. I took a sip and did what any Auror would do. I swiftly turned and chucked it at base of one of their skulls. At which he gave a terrifying cry of pain before falling to the floor. The adrenaline kick was all I needed. I bolted over to Edgar threw him and his wife into the bathroom and locked them in there.  Within three seconds I was back. Lorenzo already had the two he disarmed immobilized but he was fighting with the last remaining Death Eater. I created a barrier and fully intended to let Lorenzo fight his own battle but the instant I saw who he was fighting.



Rodolphus Lestrange. Notorious right hand man to Voldemort, married to Bellatrix Black and slimy git. I did the cowardice thing about handling him. Lorenzo was an excellent fighter but he fought fair which would -in the next five minutes time- lead to his down fall. So I walked over, got out my wand and immobilized him from behind. Sure I may not get brownie points for it but I think the overall good of stopping a mass murdered will make up the difference. Lorenzo called for backup while I watched over the four Death Eaters. The one I hit with the glass of Butterbeer –who I later discovered was Wilkes- was dead while the rest remained paralyzed. Backup came within seconds and I unlocked the bathroom door. Edgar gave me the dirtiest look until he saw why I had shoved him in there.



“What the bloody hell is going on here Paxton?” He demanded gruffly as he wrapped his arm protectively around his shaking wife.

I fixed him a stare before explaining myself. “Four Death Eaters just tried to assassinate you.”


“I will explain everything later.” I told him quietly, “But it’s more important that you both go somewhere safe.”

He nodded briskly understand my meaning perfectly before walking out of the shop and apparating his wife home.


Lorenzo walked over with a minor bandaged hand and a weary sigh, “We can’t even get a drink anymore can we?”

I shook my head, “Nope.”

“I’ll go write up the report.” He promised regretfully.

“Good. I’ll be in, in a couple of hours. I’m going to get cleaned up and stop to by Mim’s.”

A smirk crept onto his masculine features. “Tell her I say hi.”

“That would make her day.” I laughed dryly before apparating back home.



Renee wasn’t home. I was glad. I cleaned out the one scratch on my shoulder before changing into jeans and a faded grey t-shirt. First I had to go to the Order, then Mim’s and after that I wanted to have dinner with Parker. So before leaving I sent him an Owl saying the time and place he could find me if he was able to meet up. Then had a glass of water, took a deep breath, put on my shades and apparated to the Order’s Headquarters.



Rick, Emmeline, Dorcas, Lily, Lupin, Benji and Dumbledore were all there already. I let out a sigh of relief when I didn’t see Sirius. I knew I would have to get used to seeing him but the thought of seeing his face time and time again was unbearable. How could I sit there and pretend nothing happened? How could I sit there and pretend that he meant nothing to me? Shaking the thought from my head I awkwardly sat in between Benji and Rick. This time around I left my shades on.



“Paxton is it?” Rick Vance asked me quietly. “It must be awkward for you.”

I hesitated in answering unsure which of my circumstances he was referring to.

“Working with all of us,” He explained barely above a whisper, “I mean you grew up as one of them.”

“Yeah…It’s a little uncomfortable.” I muttered back with a nod.

“Congratulations on catching Lestrange.”

I smiled at him and took off my sunglasses, “Thank you.”



We talked for a little bit longer. He was a Healer at St. Mungos with a wife –Isolde Barrett- and two kids –five year old Emma and two year old Claire. Rick seemed like a very nice man. As we were talking the rest of the Order came in. Most of them kept a safe distance from me. Only Rick was talking to me and I had a sneaking suspicion that the reason he was was because he felt sorry for me. I hated pity.  I’d rather someone beat the living shit out of me and spit on me then pity me. If it were anyone else I would have said something but Rick was genuinely nice so I said nothing.  Mid conversation I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Turning I looked up and saw Dumbledore’s warm and worn grandfather face and… Sirius.



I felt everything inside me harden as I looked up at him. His eyes were so …tortured…it nearly killed me. I sucked it up and forced myself to stand. Dumbledore moved back an inch and put Sirius and I slightly closer together.  Self consciously I subtly gulped at the prospect of our proximity.


“Juliette this is Sirius Black. Sirius this is Juliette Paxton.”


 Touch him? I wanted to die. Just for a second I let down my guard. Just for a mere second I tried to remember what it felt like the last time he touched my hand.

I glanced down at him confusedly, “Sirius? What the hell are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” He shot back rhetorically as he scaled the side of the bridge to the rocks where I stood.

“You could have used a broom!” I exclaimed as he jumped next to me.

“I’m here now so what does it matter?” He replied back flippantly.

I shook my head and grumbled, “So reckless…” under my breath.

“Hey…” He smiled cupping my face. “That’s what you love about me.”

“Keep telling yourself that!”

He picked me up and pressed me against the old wall. “Excuse me?”

“Like I’m scared of you...You big goon.”


He set me down and took my hand to sit underneath the bridge. The darkness enveloped our face as he pressed his forehead to my and interlocked our fingers. I could feel the heat from his breath despite the wind breezing by.


“I love you Jules.” He whispered so softly that if I hadn’t been holding my breath I wouldn’t have heard it.

I took a breath and smiled, “I love you too.”

“No matter what happens…” He started in the most serious voice I’d ever heard him use, “I’ll always come for you.”


I released his hand the same instant his jerked away from mine. He avoided my glance and told his feet, “Nice to meet you,” before walking over to sit in the empty seat next to Remus.

Emptily I muttered, “Nice to meet you too.” Before sitting down, putting my glasses back on and staring at the table the rest of the meeting.

Authors Note:

Thank you for reading! I'm so sorry this story took so long to update but I wanted to make sure I got all the details right. PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 8: A Rush of Blood to the Head
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I woke up groggily and tried to get my bearings. White walls, white ceiling, white floors, white bed sheets, where was I? I tried to sit up but I didn’t seem to have the strength. Trying to move made me realize that I had something on my wrist. I squinted my eyes to focus my vision at the foreign band around my wrist. It was a hospital bracelet. I tried desperately to remember the night before but couldn’t. The last thing I could remember was fighting with Sirius over something stupid. Gulping I discovered my throat was obnoxiously dry and my breath smelt awful. How did I get here? Why was there no one around? In the hall I saw people walking by but no one was in my room or even near me.



Very carefully I raised my neck a fraction of an inch to look at my body, never knowing how I would deeply regret that decision. I looked down and saw my legs in casts, my ribs to my thighs bandaged up under my white hospital gown. Terrified I raised my hand up to my face and felt my face. It was severally swollen and I had at least one black if not two. My chest started hurting at that point. Not a slight ache or a subtle pain but gnawing throbbing spasm in between my breasts. I’d never felt this much pain before in my life. Unable to do anything but scream I felt everything that had happened to my body. I felt my cracked ribs, I felt my broken –in three places- legs, I felt my cut up torso, I felt my puffed up face and I felt the fresh jagged surgery scars over my heart. 



Cool tears leaked out of my eyes as someone in white rushed into the room and attempted to shove a potion down my throat. I fought but in my state I lost quickly. The potion tasted so bad I almost threw it up but the woman –I assumed from the size of her hand- clamped my mouth shut. Once it got all the way down my throat I felt my wounds sting harder and harder. I screamed even though my throat and everything the potion touched seemed to be on fire. It took a good five minutes for the torture to end. When it did I gasped and spit up a lot of blood. The woman wiped it up and for some reason I sensed she was going to leave. I couldn’t explain the emotion that came over me in that instant. I was alone. I was broken. And I had never been more terrified in my life. So when I thought she was about to leave I urgently grabbed her wrist.


Her face wasn’t too clear as my eyes were still watery but it didn’t matter to me. As frail as I was at that moment my need to stop her proved greater.  I whispered, “Sirius,” faintly but was stopped from continuing or saying more. My energy was sapped from the use of this single name and I fell into a deep sleep.



“Mim!” I called excitedly as I rushed up to my seventy-two year old grandmother.


She was sitting outside on her rocker with a book in her hands. Memories of her knitting, writing out recipes and scolding us from that rocker made me smile brighter than I had in a long time. Like always her graying dark hair –that’s right at seventy two her hair is just starting to grey instead of already being that way- was in a tight, elegant, purposeful bun and she wore working jeans (from working in the yard) -yes she still does that- and a loose Cuddly Cannon’s t-shirt –Lorenzo and her love talking about it. 



“Hello Juliette,” Mim pronounced in a perfectly crisp French accent that was actually her own.

I pulled one of the patio chairs over to sit next to her as we both looked out on her large property. “What book are you reading?”

“Pride and Prejudice.” She frowned in a dissatisfied tone.

Snorting softly I laughed at her, “Why do you keep reading Muggle books if you keep getting disappointed by them? Seems like a waste of energy.”

“Don’t you like Jane Austen?”

“Yes but I’m tolerant of happy endings. You can’t stand them.” I pointed out smartly.

Mim shook her wrinkled tan face, “Ridiculous…She hates him. He’s a complete pompous piqûre.” 

“Hence the prejudice in ‘Pride and Prejudice’.” 

“Quoi que.” She shrugged unconcernedly bending down one of the pages and putting the book on the table. “What is new with you chère fille?”

I yawned and scratched my head, “Nothing really.”

“Did you work today?”

“No.” I answered quietly but in my head I added, ‘Not technically.’ I didn’t like to worry Mim more than necessary.  “Where’s Etienne?”

She rolled her eyes dryly, “Trying to teach the house elves how to fold clothes properly…ingrate..” Mim added with scoff.

“Trouble in martial bliss?” I mocked playfully.

“Don’t start with me petite bébé.”



Mim’s real name is Marianne Gabrielle Boudreaux Rossini Montague Hebert. Long ass name right? The reason is her maiden name is Marianne Gabrielle Boudreaux. Matteo Rossini was her first husband. She was only seventeen when she married to him. They were only married for two years but he died from an incurable case of Scrofungulus. My pepere Edmond Montague was her husband for the longest. They got married when they both turned twenty-one and they stayed married until his death twelve years ago. Etienne Hebert was last and certainly least. Apparently Mim was quite a catch back when she attended Beauxbatons so much so that she caught Etienne’s eye back then. He never could get her though because she was the popular girl in school. So when he found her four and a half years after pepere’s death he seized his opportunity and married her. In the beginning Mim appeared to be happy about the whole thing but as time went by in their marriage it became clearer and clearer that she just married him so she wouldn’t die alone. Even after being widowed twice she’d rather risk being widowed again then be stuck alone.



I stretched and looked out at the acres wondering if I’d do the same thing. Would I really marry someone I could hardly stand just to avoid being alone? The wind whistled through the distant trees sending a breeze across my face. My stray hairs from my ponytail fell out onto my face brushing my nose and cheek gracefully. I smiled as I remembered all the times pepere and I would go out picking tomatoes from the crops and dumping them into a wooden basket. I would be in a strawberry outfit with little boots on and he would take my hand, lead me around the fields, picking me up when he wanted to show me something that was too tall for me to see. Later on he would sit me on his lap, grab a napkin, cut up the tomato and eat them with me.


“What are you thinking about?”

Pépé,” I answered softly.

She smiled and I noticed I was smiling too. “He really loved you.”

“I remember.”

“He loved Jacques, Louis, Jacqueline and your brother Nik but he especially loved you.”

I frowned thoughtfully, “I wonder why…”

“When we first saw you,” Mim started barely above a whisper, “You had the darkest hair and eyes I’d ever seen. He held you for the first time and you grabbed his finger,” She paused to beam, “You had such a firm grip and it was at that moment he saw that you had his eyes. Most babies automatically have blue eyes when their born but you didn’t. From the start your eyes were dark like Edmonds. From that moment on he paid special attention to you and found you different then your cousins.”

For a second I paused before asking then I decided to do so. “How am I different? I mean I know how I am now but how could he have known then?”

“As to that I don’t know.” Mim sighed unknowingly, “All he said to me was, “Elle est extraordinaire. Elle est combattant.”

“He said I was a fighter?”

And you are.”


I moved over and rested my head on her shoulder tenderly. Mim scooted over so my head was in her lap and my lower half was on the chair I’d just been sitting in. Delicately she tucked my stray hairs behind my ear while running her hands through my hair. 


“You know bébé. You may have your pepere’s eyes but you definitely have my hair.” She commented as she ran her fingers through my thick strands of hair. 

I let out a low cackle. “Thanks Mim.”

“Now,” She murmured in a light tone, “How’s Lorenzo?”

“He’s fine.”

“Are you two seeing each other yet?”

Silently I shook with laughter at her. “No Mim. We are not dating each other.”

She sighed over-dramatically, “He’s such a nice boy.”

“Yes he is Mim but he’s not my type.”

“Tall, strong, smart, handsome, which one of those things is not appealing to you?”

I rolled my eyes and sat up. “You’re never gonna give up are you?”

“You are twenty and you’ve never even been engaged.”

“Yes I was….” I frowned guiltily, “I just broke it off.”

“Regulus Black does not count. That was arranged.”



My face dropped from mention of Regulus’s name. Suddenly I got a flash of his face the last time I saw him alive. We were just sitting in the Slythern common room talking…about nothing. He was so happy back then. Full of hope, so excited for what his life would bring next. Then about six months ago I started getting letter’s from him. They were always severally coded so only I would understand them. I’ve known Regulus since birth so we have…we had dozens of little inside jokes and catch phrases that only we would understand….I couldn’t explain how much it broke my heart when I got the last letter from him. It said that if I was reading it that meant he was no longer alive.



Feeling overwhelmed I felt it was time to leave. I never stayed long anyway. Mim and I were close but there was always a tension between us and we both knew exactly what it was. Standing up I reached down and hugged her tightly.



“When will you be by to see me next?”

I stood back up brushed my hair out of my face. “I’ll try to get by next week.”

“At least owl me time to time. You’re so grown up now.”

Gently I kissed her cheek, “I will.”




Apparating to a Muggle library I saw Parker waiting in the science fiction section. His messy short brown hair stuck up in odd directions, he was oddly tan and his chestnut eyes were focused on a particularly odd looking book. 




Muggles,” He began with his usual musical tone, “Have the strangest ideas for books,” He finished turning to look at me. “What’s going on with you? You look a little haggard.”

I leaned against the bookshelf, “Just came from Mim’s.”

“Well that would explain a lot. How is she doing?”

“Nagging at her new husband.”

Parker put back his book and started walking with me over to the chairs by the window. “You know after seven years you can’t really say that’s he’s her new husband.”

I shrugged unconcernedly, “Whatever.”

“Don’t you whatever me.”

“Um I just did.”

He reached over and put me in a headlock. “What did you say?”

I snorted at how easy he made it for me to get out of it. “I said what-ever.”

“FINE!” He scoffed theatrically before returning to his own seat. “So what’s up? Anything new?”



I opened my mouth to speak but stopped myself. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Parker in two weeks. Normally that wouldn’t be that big of a deal because normally my life is pretty much the same. I wake up, eat, go to work, come home, take a shower, talk to Renee for a bit, send Mim or Nik a check up Owl, then go to sleep. My life never changed. My assignments were different but they never affected my life because it was my job. What happened in the past few days was personal. Joining the order may have been an extension of what work I usually do but the people I am working with weren’t. I wanted to tell Parker everything but I couldn’t. He didn’t know what happened before so he could never understand what it meant to be in the same room with Sirius Black now. To have to look him in the eye and pretend that what happened between us was nothing and meant nothing. To have to hear his voice and remind myself that everything he said to me was a lie and we were just a way to pass the time. Parker as understanding as he is couldn’t possibly comprehend that.



So I wet my lips and without any hesitation lied. “No, nothing new.”

He frowned disappointedly like he always did when I answered like that and sighed again. “Want to hear how my weekend was?”




Hours later when I got back home Renee was sitting in the living room. Her curly hair went into her eyes as she focused hard on the drawing she was working on. I wanted to laugh at how adorable she looked when she was in this mode but even through the light conversation I had with Parker for two and a half hours –mostly hilarious stories about his new endeavors at pureblood social events- I still couldn’t shake my feelings. I went over and sat next to her.



“What are you drawing?”

She ignored my question, “A man came by asking questions about you.”

I shrugged unconcernedly getting up to my feet. “That’s nice.”

He looked familiar…” Renee muttered thoughtfully biting the side of her pencil.

“Well I’m sure if he was someone I should be worried about I’ll deal with him at some point.” I told her flippantly before going to my room and lying down on my bed. At this point in time. I just didn’t care.

“IF IT’S ANY CONSELLATION HE WAS HOT.” Renee shouted through the wall.

I snorted dryly, “Yeah because that was a factor I was worried about.” Before turning over and falling sound asleep.

Authors Note:

I've been trying to just finish my short stories but I don't know...I got the urge to write this chapter. THANK YOU FOR READING! I especially want to thank everyone who has taken the time to review. PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 9: Gives You Hell
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“You are ridiculous!” I screamed at him as we shivered on top of the astronomy tower. “You are absolutely ridiculous! I don’t even like him!”

Sirius ran his hand through hair furiously, his eyes blazing with jealousy, “He had his hands all over you!”

“He tried to hold my hand! That’s it! And I stopped him!”

“He wanted to do more than ‘hold your hand’!” Sirius scoffed bitterly as he leaned against the edge wall.

I went over to him and forced him to look at me. “Hey! I did not ask him to sit next to me! Okay? You’re acting like I tried to make this happen…”

“Well you didn’t exactly-“

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK!” I shouted venomously, “Don’t you dare insinuate-“

He pinned me to the wall, “Don’t call me by my full name!”

“Why? What are you going to about it? You big-“  My words were cut off by his lips hot on mine.



Livid, I reacted quickly by pressing myself to him hard and kissing back viciously. For a moment or two we just were there, caught in the fire of our dangerous loving hate of one another. After mere moments we pulled apart. His arms linked around my waist, my arms around his neck, I felt my chest rise and fall as the butterflies in my stomach made me feel weightless. Then he looked at me.



“I’m sorry.” He grunted pushing one of my bangs back behind my ear all romantically, “I shouldn’t have…I just don’t like…Men -or boys in his case- around you.”

I glared up at him intently, “Well you should at least have the decency to trust me.”

“I do trust you.” He rolled his eyes slightly.

“Oh yeah,” I drawled sarcastically, “You really show it.”

Sirius scoffed again. This time he shook his hair out of his eyes. “I trust you. I just don’t want anybody touching you. Alright?”

“What are you going to do? Hit everybody that looks at me?”

“We will start with those who touch,” He smirked arrogantly as he pulled me closer, “Then I will move on to those who have the AUDACITY to look at my girlfriend.”

I froze and starred at him blankly. “Girlfriend?”

“Um….” Sirius went deer in the headlights.


He let go of me and scratched his neck. “Ummm…”

 “Two months and I’m your girlfriend?”


I laughed as he avoided my face. “Sirius?” My jaw dropped as I saw his face getting redder and redder, “ARE YOU BLUSHING?” I cried incredulously as his face became the color of a tomato.

“No…no!” He attempted to reply flippantly. “It’s just hot out here…”

“It’s January.”

“I…” He stammered blushing slightly, “You know what?! Screw it you heard what I said!”

“Are you blushing?!” I questioned incredulously.

“NO!” Sirius hollered rushing towards the door and continuing down the stairs.


“Shut up!”

“SIRIUS BLACK IS BLUSSSSSSSSSSHINNNNNG!”I laughed excitedly as I saw his normally tan skin glow redder and redder with ever step he took.



He groaned as he tried to out walk me. I wasn’t about to let him out walk me. So I bit my lip heroically and lunged at him, tackling him to the ground with all my weight. Knocking him to the floor hard.



 “What-was-that-for?” Sirius snorted as he rolled over and held me as against his chest.

 I frowned down at him, “You were being moody.”

“So you jumped me?”

I smirked and nodded, “Pretty much.”

He shook his head with laughter and pulled us both up to our feet. “You’re such a weird little thing.”

“Little?!” I challenged crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yeah-“ Sirius paused picking me up and pinning me to the wall. “Little. Portable.”

I grinned at him as his hand more securely grabbed my ass. “Oh?”

“Yes.” He muttered before pressing his jaw passionately upon mine.



For a few minutes we stayed there in the open empty corridor snogging determinedly. When he released my lips from his own I tilted back my neck and tried to catch my breath as he left a hot trail of kisses from the tip of my mouth to the top of my bra. My legs grip on his waist tightened and I impulsively jerked his face toward mine. We carried on like this contently for only brief moments before we heard footsteps coming from the staircase only feet from us. Almost instinctively, Sirius dropped me to the floor and half-threw me into the nearest broom closest. I covered my mouth to stop from coughing but Sirius was quick enough to stop himself from sneezing loudly. Panicking, he threw a cloak over me as the footsteps rushed towards us and wrenched the door open.



My jaw dropped as I saw James Potter and Lily Evans glares for Sirius fade into amused grins. “What are you doing Paddy?”

“Um,” Sirius started nervously before chuckling and grabbing a mop. “Needed this.”

“For what?” Evans asked suspiciously raising her light red eyebrows.

Boyishly he shrugged evasively, “Marauder business.”

“Do you know about this?” Evans questioned Potter half-heartedly.

 “No but I wouldn’t question it…” Potter shook his head and snorted. “We’ll leave you to your cleaning supplies.”

Evans grabbed the door, “Don’t get caught Sirius.”

Sirius gave her his full on charming smile. “Honey do I ever?”

“Don’t call me that.” She muttered back snappily walking down the hallway hand in hand with Potter.

I waited then pulled off the cloak. “What’s with this cloak? Why didn’t they see me? Is this an invisibility cloak?”

“…” His face was slightly torn but he nodded, “Yeah but you can’t tell anybody about it…It isn’t exactly mine.”

I went out the door and smiled, “I can keep a secret.” I leaned into his ear, “Snuffles.”

“Snuffles?” He crinkled his nose.

“Could you have sneezed any louder?”

He laughed and ruffled my hair as he wrapped his arm around me, “Whatever Jules.”






I exhaled loudly and raised my head to check the time. I had thirty minutes before I had to go to work. Which meant I slept through my alarm. Which meant I was fucked. It took me an hour to go through my routine of waking up. Shower, change into work clothes, grab morning paper, go to bagel shop, do the crossword at said establishment and walk into work fully awake. Walking up late meant; no crossword, a ten minute shower and no bagel…I love bagels…The only thing I love more than a perfect freshly baked bagel is a sugar butter cookie and I hardly ever get a chance to pick them up. Mortally depressed I rose and rushed into the shower.



Hearing my watch timer go off on the sink I swore and almost slipped into a face plant from getting out of the shower. Already twenty minutes into my day and it was turning out STUPENDOUS. I bolted to my closet and just sloppily grabbed a pair of faded jeans, a plain grey shirt/hoodie and my tennis shoes. My actual work-professional-want-to-be-taken-seriously outfit would take more time than I had to get into successively without fear of something being on wrong. My hair was still sopping wet so I managed to dry half of it, put on some eyeliner and journey into the living room. What I didn’t expect to see was Lorenzo, Nik and Renee having a talk on the couch.



“What’s going on? Which one of you woke me?” I asked them as I searched the kitchen cabinets for a cereal bar or a hidden blueberry muffin.

“What are you doing?” Renee inquired, worried by my erratic appearance.

“Woke up late, need food.” Too early for clear sentences I decided after hearing my words replay in my own head.

Lorenzo laughed, “Ah Paxton?”

I turned to see what he wanted and saw that the glorious man he is stopped and got me bagels…Oh I could kiss him. “I love you man-“ I paused to gulp down the bagel, “How did you know?”

He shrugged sheepishly, “Just did."
“Jules, I woke you.” Nik began bluntly as rubbed his own worn dark eyes, “Listen what are you doing this Friday?”

“What I do every Friday…Work.” I replied buttering another bagel before shoving it down my throat.

“What about after work?”


He sighed, obviously too tired to deal with my routinely boring life. “Before you sleep can you come over? Renee wants you to try on your dress.”

“Is it pink?” I shot at him in between bites, “Because I know that little wench would do that to me.”

“Jules,” He smiled, “You will wear whatever she picks even if she’s making you wear it just to get a rise out of you.”

“Whatever…When is the wedding date?”

“July 24th.”

“Well we have to go but I will make sure to take off.” I squished his cheeks condescendingly, grabbed my shades, half hazardly put them on and threw Renee a bagel –much to her enjoyment.

Lorenzo and I walked down the stair exactly in step with one another. “Who are you taking to the wedding?”

“Um…” The question took me off guard, “I don’t know…I haven’t given it much of a thought…” Tension suddenly surrounded the two of us to the point where I felt the need to lighten up the mood, “I mean you’re always pushing Connor on me so I think maybe I’ll take him as my hot date.”

“Oh?” Lorenzo grinned appreciatively, “Connor will be thrilled. Even right it down in his journal with capital letters.”

“Yes because fourteen year old girls have diaries. Only real men have journals…” I mocked carelessly as we were feet away from the apparation point.

“Finally,” He fake whimpered, “Someone understands.”

I rolled my eyes as we reached the marker, “Shut up and apparate.”



The unusual sensation of my insides twisting and turning seemed almost familiar now. Apparating right in front of Frank Longbottom -as he was pouring his tea- I continued on my office. With a sigh I checked my calendar and was relieved to find that today I didn’t have any meetings. If I had Ms. Dolores would be up my ass about me not wearing the ‘proper work attire.’  Sitting down I cracked my neck and took one step out of my office before almost getting run over by two red head toddlers. Laughing to myself, I stopped them.



“Woah there boys. Where do you think you two are going?”

The one with chocolate on his face smiled mischievously much to my surprise. “Nowheress…”

“Oh really?” I picked them both up shaking my head. “Well good thing I know who you two little rascals belong to.”

“Put us down!” They shouted as I carried them across to the Missue of Muggle Artifacts offices.

“Arthur?” I asked knocking on the door.

“I will get to you in a moment Paxton.” He responded calmly as he finished reading the letter in front of him. “What’s the problem?”

“Well,” I started before showing him what was in my arms, “I found these terrorizing upstairs…I thought you might want them back.”

His face went from confusion to panic, “How did…? I didn’t bring them to work.”

The boys giggled amongst themselves as I set them down in front of him.

“How did you two get here?”

The one without chocolate on his face made his face look so innocent I had trouble believing he had done it. “Daddy…We fell into your bag…”

“I have a hard time believing you fell into my bag George...Your mother must be having a fit. “ He turned to me, “Thank you Paxton.”

I nodded, “Just doing my civic duty.”



On my way out I saw a howler flying into his office and for some reason I had a feeling it was from Mrs. Weasley. Frank Longbottom rushed up to me as I turned to corner up to my cubical.



“They’re interrogating Lestrange downstairs.”

My eyebrows shot up. I was hardly ever asked to join an interrogation. “They want me there?”

“They want you to do it.”

“What?” I all but yelped.

He nodded understanding my confusion. “It’s what they said.”

“Um…” I swallowed my spit nervously, “Okay..”



I followed him and tried to mentally prepare myself. I wasn’t just observing an interrogation. I was leading it. My rusty heart was going so fast I thought it might break. I never thought I’d be put in this situation. If it was any other Death Eater I’d probably be thrilled to be given the chance to grill them for information. Lestrange …I shivered thinking of him. Why did it have to be someone that I have a very sketchy history with? Taking deep breaths I cleared my head. I could do this. I just couldn’t remember the time we went skinny dipping or when he asked me out instead of Bellatrix…It would be okay right? I let out a sharp breath and tried erase it from my memory.



“Paxton,” Kyle Browning nodded at me firmly as I walked in.

I gave him a curt nod in return. “Browning.”



Leo Thompson and Thomas Jefferies glared at me in their usual sexist manner. I sent them icy stares but through my shades they saw nothing but my lips thinning. Kingsley stood in front of the door connecting to the interrogation room with Lestrange’s file. He didn’t look too pleased to hand me it but he did. In my office a grand total of three Aurors like me, four respect me and only two have the decency to be generally indifferent about me. Thompson and Jefferies were chauvinist pricks and if they were watching my interrogation I was more than willing forget my past and man up to the job.



“Am I the only one going in?”

“I start it Paxton,” Lorenzo told me walking past me to the door. “Then you come in after five minutes and then Moody comes in after your done.”

“Alright.”  I pursed my lip determinedly.


Lorenzo then went through the doors without any hesitation. Then again this wasn’t his interrogation. Thou he put in as much time as I had he still was a year older –which made a difference to the administration- and male –made a difference to all the other Auror’s who didn’t appreciate that two Auror’s were females. Kingsley walked out and went back to most likely finish his case work leaving me with dumb and dumber.



“So…Paxton…How did you catch him anyway?” Jefferies started in a sneer.

“Yeah,” Thompson snickered crossing his arms over his vast chest, “Did you flash him your tits or something?”

I scrunched my face up, did he REALLY just say tits?
“Ah…Thompson please tell me that’s not how you stop known murders…One flash of your man boobs surely would make any of them beg for mercy.”

“Oh ha-ha,” Thompson shot back angrily, “You think your hot shit don’t you?

Rolling my eyes I shook my head and ignored him.

Jefferies grabbed a chair and sat in front of me, “What? Not so ballsey when DeMarko leaves the room are you?”

“Yeah,” Thompson agreed standing next to me, “You’d think someone like you would be too high and mighty to associate with him. You know him being half-blood and all. Weren’t you raised to spit on people like him?”

Not going to bite. He wants me to snap at him.

“Did you wear pearls and tiara’s?” Jefferies smirked arrogantly, “Have your six house elves clean your nails after shaking hands with those that didn’t come from noble birth?”

Thompson leaned forward. “Yeah. We’ve been wondering. Why a person like you. Would chose a profession like this.” He paused and lowered is voice, “Getting your hands dirty and all.”

“But then we realized,” Jefferies stepped in darkly, “That you don’t mind getting dirty.”

“If you two don’t get away from her. I will let her hit you.” Alice announced as she came in and gave them both scalthing looks. “Why don’t you two go make yourselves useful and go work on your case loads?”

“Oh because you’re intimidating.”

“What?” I shot removing my shades, “And you are?”

Thompson seemed jumbled by my reaction but Jefferies rose up to meet the challenge. “What are you going to do?”

I smiled at him sweetly before grabbing his ear and twisting it like he was a bad twelve year old. “If you don’t leave I’ll pull it off.”

“Fine!” He shouted enraged that I chose this petty method to defeat him, “Just let go!”

 I ordered, “Apologize to her.”

“I’m sorry,” Jefferies grumbled under his breath bitterly.

I released his ear and kicked him in the ass joyfully, “Run along now.”

Alice starred me in amazement. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”


My question was never answered because at that moment Lorenzo walked out of the room. His face was blank but I could tell what he was thinking. Evenly, I pulled my shades back on my face and offered Alice a small smile.



“Thanks Longbottom.”

“You can call me Alice,” She muttered in quiet voice.

I genially smiled. “Okay, I will then.”

“What’s your first name?”


“Okay then,” Alice grinned unwaveringly in the doorway, “I’ll see you around Juilette.”

I grinned back freely, “You too Alice.”



Lorenzo waited until she was gone to give me a look. “What-was-that?”

“…You were there!”

“You interacting with other life forms besides myself…” He scratched his non-existent beard. “Strange…”

I sighed, “Um…I’m going to go interrogate a mass murderer now…You have fun with ...that.”



He nodded and looked off in the distance wistfully making me seriously question his insanity. Flipping into a professional, indifferent mode I saw him smirk as his eyes traveled over me. I stayed impassive as I moved to sit in the chair across from him.



“Rodolphus.” I muttered crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair.

“Well, well, well isn’t this ironic? The one Slythern girl who didn’t want to marry me became a Auror. Funny really.”

I looked at him blankly, “Yeah. I’m just dying over here.”

“Do you honestly think I will answer your questions?”

“No but if you don’t you’ll just spend some extra time with the dementors.”

His eyebrows rose at my calm response. He wasn’t expecting me to be so neutral. “What are your questions then?”

“How many Death Eater’s do you know of?”

“One,” He smiled arrogantly, “Me.”

“I said ‘know of’ not 'have proof of.'



Lestrange just continued starring at me condescendingly so I put my feet on the table and pulled my hoodie over my face. When we were younger he hated being ignored. So that’s exactly what I was going to do. For a hour and a half I just sat there and pretended to fall asleep. The thing is I’m excellent at it so he couldn’t tell the difference. I could hear his chair rock as he anxious and angry that he wasn’t even important enough to get even half of my attention.



“Wake up!” He screamed finally.

I yawned and opened my eyes. “What?”

“You’re supposed to be interrogating me not sleeping!”

“Well I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” I started casually, “So I figured why not take a nap now? You’re not talking. Which let’s face it what could you know? You were never the brightest blub in the shed-“

“I got all O’s on my O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S!”

“Yeah,” I scrunched up my face, “Well you’re daddy could have easily have changed those results…But it doesn’t matter! The thing is I don’t see you as being one of Voldemorts-“ He shivered at the name but I kept going, “-key people. I mean this is just procedure…The only reason we are giving this any thought,” I muttered under my breath checking my watch.

“Avery, Alecto Carrow, Amycus Carrow, Crabbe, Gibbon, Antonin Dolohov, Jugson, Igor Karkaroff, Lucius Malfoy, Nott, Mulciber, Evan Rosier, Selwyn, Travers, Wilkes, Yaxley and Severus Snape.” He ranted off instantly.



I scowled at the last name but didn’t say anything. That was the only question I could trick out of him and I had a sneaking suspicion that I had help on that.



“Well,” I got up, “I’ll go get some to retrieve you.”

He never came for you!” He shouted at my back trying to get under my skin. “You always said he would and he never did.”

I turned before I reached the door and gave him a condescending look. “Do I really look like I care?”



Then without another word I left and handed Moody the list of Death Eaters. “He’s on something so just make him feel like he’s worthless and you’re wasting your time with him.”

Moody nodded curtly and went in.

I turned to Lorenzo who was smirking like an idiot. “What did you give him?”

Oh nothing…” He mused innocently, his eyes glinting with mischeft.

 "Lorenzo..." I started sternly.

He rolled his eyes, "Oh relax a bit Paxton. Did you get your names?"

I rolled my eyes and checked my watch. I had to drop some files off at the Order in five minutes. “ That's not the point. I'll talk to you about this later. I’m going to go take my lunch break now.”

He looked taken aback. “You never take a lunch break.”

“Well I’m taking one now.” I retorted putting the files carefully in my hoodie pocket. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”

“Get me a bagel!” He shouted to me right before I apparated.

I had only a five minute walk until I saw headquarters. No one would probably be there at this time. Most people usually worked or were gathering research for the Order during the day. Opening the door I organized the files as I walked and stopped watching where I was going. So when I entered the main room and someone was leaving it I knocked right into them and spilled all the papers on the floor. Groaning I was about to bend down to pick them up when I saw who ran into me. There inches away from me was Sirius Black. I was so close to him I could feel his breath on my neck.



Awkwardly he scratched his neck. “Hi…Jules.”

"Um...Hi." I didn't know what else to say. My throat was closing up and my mind was getting cramped with all the in thoughts that were in my head.  So I just bent down picked up the papers and moved around him. "Excuse me."

I put the files down on the table and got out of there as quickly as I could. Lorenzo furrowed his eyebrows at me when I returned, "Where's my bagel?"

 Authors Note:


Chapter 10: Shut Your Eyes
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My face was plastered to my window as I slept on my window ledge uncomfortably. I had been waiting two days for him to write me. This wasn’t like him. Even if he couldn’t talk to me he would usually send a note to tell me that.  I was beginning to worry, I didn’t like this. I had a bad feeling that something had happened to him and it wasn’t doing my already hiked nerves any good. As my drool trickled down the glass surface of the window a slender blonde apparated onto my bed. I jolted upward so fast I fell off the ledge and did a face plant into my carpet painfully.



 Taylor grinned down at me crookedly, “Jay-bird!”

I glared up at her, “Thanks Tay.”

“Anytime bra.”

“I’m not,” I paused to pull myself up to my feet, wipe the drool off the side of my face and smirk at her, “Your bra.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Taylor rolled her watery brown eyes half heartedly, “What were you doing anyway?”

“Ah...Nothing really...”

She bit her lip thoughtfully before beaming brightly. “It’s your ‘secret boyfriend' isn't it?!”

“Why do you think that? I’ve never said anything that would make you assume that.”

“Oh come on! I’ve known you for seven years. You don’t go out parting that much, you disappear after dinner, you always get mysterious Owls and you leave in the dead of night.”

I laid down on my bed numbly. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh and did I mention how happy you’ve been?” She continued laying across from me, “You walk around like you have a light burning inside of you. I don’t know why you just don’t admit it.”

“Taylor honestly it’s not that big of a deal.” I lied to her unsuccessively.

Taylor sighed overdramatically, “Jay-bird honestly I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. It’s good that you have someone who makes you happy. It’s way better than your usual random make-out sessions with Lestrange.”

I cringed, “Okay that was fifth year. You need to let that go.”

“I’m just saying,” she reasoned throwing her hands up defensively.

Slowly, I reached over and threw one of my pillows at her face. “You’re always ‘just saying’.”

“Well I am.”


I yawned at her as my house elf Tootles apparated beside me. At first I paid her no mind but then I saw her face. Immediately I became worried and lunged forward.


“Tootles what’s wrong?”

She looked like wanted to cry, “Mm…master wants to ss..see you.”

I frowned and gave Taylor a look.

“Well,” She shrugged before standing up. “I’ll Owl you later about whatever this is. Don’t forget to come to my party tomorrow. Your presence is required.”

“Fine! I’ll be there.”



Taylor apparated out and I followed Tootles downstairs lazily. My father probably wanted to yell at me about something I didn’t do but Tootles constant expression made me doubt that. What could it be? I made it to the last step of the staircase when I saw Bellatrix. She was standing in the doorway about to leave and she almost didn’t notice me. Almost. Bellatrix turned and sneered at me with a sense of confidence I couldn’t understand. What could she have possibly done to get that feeling of satisfaction? I turned into my father’s study and froze. The look he gave me as I entered the room was the dirtiest look I’d ever received in my life.



“Juliette," He whispered menacingly, "Shut the door all the way.”


Rising from my bed slowly I half-smiled. It was Saturday for the first time in two years that I wasn’t on duty and I wasn’t going to go in. Today I had something that I had to do. Something I could no longer ignore. Before that though I was deadly determined to get a bagel, I could already picture spreading jam over it…oooh. Stretching I went into my bathroom and washed my face with cold water.  I distantly I heard someone throwing up in the other bathroom.  Curiously I walked over and opened the door to find Renee kneeling on the floor with her head half in the toilet.



“Renee?” I whispered squatting down next to her and held her light hair back. “You sick?”

She took a minute to stop but once she did she nodded in between deep breaths.

I grabbed a towel, drenched it with cold water and pressed it loosely to her forehead. “You gonna throw up again?”



Renee focused for a moment through her haze and nodded. Her eyes had deep circles lying under them and she was holding herself tightly.  I stood up, went to the closet, pried open the rusty doors and took some towels out. She was shivering so pulled out my wand and warmed up the first one and put it around her shoulders. Then I placed towels along the floor so if she over shot the toilet or wanted to laid down on something other than the icy tiling. It took her about an hour to finally be done. I wrapped her up in hot towels and carried her to her room. Thankfully Renee was five foot and less than a hundred pounds so I didn’t need magical help to lift her. She was sweating so I put a fan near her bed and slipped her in under the covers. I put a glass of water, a glass of orange juice and some different bottles of pills on her bedside table.



“Okay so is it food poisoning or the flu?” I asked her gently.

“I ate some bad Chinese.”

I snorted as I remembered her stuffing her face with egg rolls the night before. “Here,” I tilted her head up and raised the glass of water to her lips as she grimaced from sitting up. “Drink some of this and in a few minutes I’ll give you some pills.”



She nodded weakly holding her glass close to her chest. I walked out and grabbed a bucket from under the sink. Quietly I dropped it next to her bed and shut her shades. She handed me the glass shakily as I popped to pills into my hand and sat her up.



“Okay. You need to just take two and in six hours you’ll take another two. Until it passes. Do you want anything?”

Renee shook her head.

“Alright well,” I placed the pills in her mouth and tipped her cup so she wouldn’t have to hold it herself. “There you go.”Calmly I brought the pills back to the medicine cabinet and laid the wet towel on her burning forehead.

Feebly she smiled up at me, “Thanks Jules.”

“Of course.” I smiled back at her genially.

She closed her eyes and snuggled up into her covers. “They didn’t deserve you Jules.”




I starred at her wondering what she meant only to find her passed out to the point of snoring. Letting it go, I covered her shoulders with a blanket and left her alone.


I tried to even out my breaths as I sat outside my closet. It was now or never. Renee had been out cold for a few hours. I’d checked on her every half hour and woke her to take more pills. I knew she’d be okay after I helped her take a shower. She even regained some of the color in her face. Now all she needed was to sleep the rest of it off. Even so I made sure to stick around for a little bit longer. It gave me the time to think about what I was doing. Was it healthier this way? To not address it and ignore him completely? Or was I just causing myself more damage? It had been a week and a half since I bumped into him and the entire week my sole focus was closing my eyes to the whole thing. I didn’t go near him; I didn’t think about him (intentionally), I didn’t even look at him. It had worked so far but I knew that if I didn’t face it I would explode. One month of being back into my life and already I couldn’t handle it.  This was only getting worse and the only thing left to do was to take it head on.



Hesitantly I shut my bedroom door and opened my closet. In the bottom right corner hidden under my spare pairs of gym shoes was an old shoe box. I reached forward with trembling fingers until the tips of my fingers felt its cold cardboard surface. My instincts told me it’s arctic temperature was a warning to not take it but I didn’t listen. This was necessary. Slowly I pulled off the cover and saw hundreds of letters and five pictures. It surprised me to find tears lingering in my eyes. Though I knew I wouldn’t cry, I hadn’t in years, I still was amazed that just seeing the letters would get me emotional enough to get close to tears –closer than I’d gotten in a long time. Lightly, I grabbed one in the middle and picked it up to read.




Sorry I couldn’t see you last night. James was drunker than a skunk. This Lily thing is really getting on his nerves. Anyway... how have you been? It's lonely over here now that I barely get to see you anymore. Ever since Dumbledore put the castle on lockdown, all i can do is think about you... and i hate to admit you are the only girl to tie my head up in such abstract coils. you know what? i'll just steal James’s cloak and sneak into your dorm….You wouldn’t mind. Then I could kiss you until you awoke and then cuddle you back asleep! I know what you’re face is doing right now! You’re rolling your eyes! I see you doing that Juliette Paxton! Even through print I know what you’re doing. I’m going to go to bed soon but if you want to talk I’ll stay up….I love you and I don’t care what you say because your expression tells me all i need to hear.




I thumbed through the letters to the pictures. This was worse than anything. Memories get shakier over the years; letters can be flat or lose meaning. Pictures are the only thing that can even scratch the surface of what we were. I knew what it would do to me. I was intentionally re-opening the wounds I’d fought so hard to bandage up. But I couldn’t hide from it anymore. My body was beginning to shake as I quickly lost all composure. A long time ago we were happy and completely in love with one another. I thought to myself sullenly as traced the blissful expressions on our faces. My heart began to burn with happy memories of the two of us together until it was too much. Tears began to build up and I knew I had gone too far. Hurriedly I threw the pictures and letters back into the box randomly and stuffed it back in its hiding space.

Letting out slow heavy breaths I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. This would kill me. Seeing him was killing me.  I slammed the closet door shut so hard it almost snapped of the hinges. Storming into the living room I heard Renee’s snores and a knock on my door. Figuring it was Nik I hastily went to the door and yanked it opened violently.

“Nik I’m really not in the mood for wedding stuff right-“ I halted mid-speech when I saw that it was not my brother but Dumbledore.  “Oh sorry sir. I thought you were my brother."

“It’s no trouble,” His face was expressionless as he spoke politely, “May I come in?”



Shocked I lamely shrugged and moved aside so he could walk in. Renee being the perfectionist she is had just cleaned our flat last night so I wasn’t worried that I’d left something dirty out. I was worried of what Dumbledore could possibly want to talk to me about privately. Trying pitifully to be courteous I wordlessly gestured to the couch and lingered near the coffee table.



“Ah do you want anything?”

“Um do you have any orange juice by any chance?”

I gave me and odd look before nodding. “Ah yeah, I’ll be right back.” After a few moments I returned with a fresh glass of orange juice, “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” He sipped it and smiled, “That hits the spot.”

“So …What’s up?”

“I wanted to speak to you about something.”

I frowned, “Why didn’t you mention it at the last meeting?”

“Well I believe this matter has more of a personal nature in your case.”

“What is it?”

He pressed his fingertips together thoughtfully. “Tonight we are going undercover and I was wondering if you would be alright about that.”

I stared at him blankly, “I’ve done hundreds of under cover’s sir…”

“No I wasn’t apprehensive about your experience towards covers Juliette. I was referring to…” He smiled realizing his error, “Forgive me I seem to have skipped a step. I was planning to ask you to work with Mr. Black in tonight’s operation.”

Sharply I inhaled deeply and avoided his x-ray stare. “Is there any particular reason why him?” I asked struggling to keep my voice even and my expression blank.

“Mr. Pettigrew appears to be ill at the moment. So I figured it would be a nice opportunity to really induct you into the order by involving you with one of our highest members.”

I shot my gaze up rapidly, unsure of what to say. Could I do this? I clashed with my conscious for a few minutes before deciding.  “Yeah,” I smiled flakily, “I’ll do it.”

“Splendid!” He joined his hands together with a smile, “Now I will be out of your way. Delicious orange juice… Did you know it was freshly squeezed?”

I looked at this man strangely. “No Sir. I can honestly say I didn’t know that it was freshly squeezed.”

“It takes a keen knowledge of pulp to know this,” He mused as we reached the door, “It’s been a pleasure. Tell your roommate I hope she feels better.”



I opened my mouth to question it but he was already gone. Closing the door I slid down it and put my head in the gap between my knees. I’m having an emotional crisis and he’s talking to me about orange juice?!

Authors Note:

Chapter 6;    You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away     By: Cobra Starship
Chapter 7;     There Ain't No Rest For The Wicked       By: Cage the Elephant
Chapter 8;      A Rush of Blood to the Head            By: Coldplay
Chapter 9;      Gives You Hell                         By: All American Rejects
Chapter 10;    Shut Your Eyes                   By: Snow Patrol

Thanks for reading!
I hope you liked it. I needed a prelude into the next chapter and that was just it. PLEASE REVIEW! You have no idea how much i love getting feedback!

Chapter 11: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1
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Light. At first that was all I saw. Just this blinding bright white light that made my eyes water and clench shut. Where was I? What happened to me? I tried to open my eyes again. It wasn’t as harsh this time but what I saw scared me more. Everything that wasn’t covered in the hospital gown was broken or bruised and I had a feeling it wasn’t much different under my gown.


Breathing carefully, I focused on not losing it. I had to understand exactly what was going on before I could allow myself to let myself feel it. The problem with that was I was on so much medication my thoughts were getting lost in my head. I didn’t know what was scarier, the fact I couldn’t feel what was wrong with me because I could only see it or that I had trouble remembering how exactly I managed to get hospitalized in the first place. In the back of my memory I tried to recall how I was supposed to get a Healer until a blue button appeared next to me. Reaching forward with difficulty, I pushed it and a Healer’s assistant came into the room.



As bad as I thought I looked apparently was as bad as it was. Her dark eyes were sagging with sadness the minute her eyes met mine. I could tell she didn’t want to look at me. Worn and fragile, I didn’t hold it against her. “Hi.”

She sighed, sat in the chair next to me. “Hi.”

“How long have I been out?” I asked hoarsely.

“Um….I should really get the Healer-“

I gulped hurting my overly dry throat, “Look …I don’t know how I even got here or got like this,” I took a shaky breath, “So if you could at least look at me and acknowledge that I’m a human being…”

Her eyes lifted to mine and I saw that her brown eyes were watering with tears. “I’m …sorry.”

“I look that bad?”

“You…” Her voice got choked up and she tore her eyes away from me, “I can’t okay!”

My jerked forward and grabbed her wrist. “Just tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know how you got like this…”

“I wasn’t in an accident? Where’s my mother? Is my grandmother terrorizing the staff?”

“No.” She whispered quietly, “No one’s here.”

In that moment I was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“No one is here…The young man who brought you in left this for you.”

Tentatively she handed me a ripped up, crumpled up piece of parchment. It took me a minute but I opened it. It only had two lines but I instantly recognized the handwriting.



If I never see you again. Take care.



My blood pressure and heart rate soared on the monitor as I looked at the piece of paper in front of me. I remembered what happened. Tears began to build in my eyes until they overflowed down my mutilated cheek. I remembered everything. As soon as I finished reading the letter it all came back to me in a vivid flash. My father’s face, my own screams. The instant I had come back to reality I found that it was now I who was unable to look at her.



I cleared my throat, “You can leave.”

“Miss…” She started unsurely but I couldn’t handle it.

“My father did this to me…All of this.” My voice cracked and I clenched my eyes tightly.

She seemed to be debating with herself for a moment before she opened her mouth. “Your…father left a message as well. I was going to wait…”

“Just…say it.”

“He said…”

I swiped my eyes clean and glared at her, “Just say it.”

“He wrote, ‘If you ever speak to him again I’ll kill him.’”

I snorted bitterly, “Of course he did.”



I sat on my couch and gazed at the ceiling anxiously. Renee hobbled into the living room covered in thick blankets. She seemed to look at the couch and consider how she would lower herself down. If she wasn’t so sick I would have laughed at the sheer determination on her face.



“You have enough covers there?”

She flashed me her middle figure rudely before laying down. “Where are you going?”


“Then why do you look so…flustered?”

I hated how well she could always read me. “I’m being partnered with him for tonight’s mission.”

Ah….” She grimaced her sickly pale face turning lighter, “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I can’t ignore him anymore but how can I not?” I let out a breath of frustration. “I feel like Dumbledore knows and he’s trying to torture me.”

Renee gave me a look of disbelief, “Dumbledore may know because…we’ll he just knows everything doesn’t he? But I doubt he’s trying to ‘torture’ you. I think he’s trying to help.”

“If he wanted to help he would have ignored it.”

“It’s not right for him to ignore it. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. I know it hurts but from his point of view he probably sees it as him just nudging you two in the right direction.”

I frowned in agreement. “I know he means well …Hell Dumbledore might not even know.”

“That’s possible.” She coughed loudly, covering her mouth and leaning back, “It’s not a big possibility though because I’m sure a man of his stature checks people out before he invites them into his ‘super secret club’,” She mocked lightly as she closed her eyes and got more comfortable in the couch.

I smiled, “Yeah you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” She sighed to herself as yawned against the couch.

“What were you saying earlier?” I questioned quickly before I could stop myself, “Before you fell asleep.”

Renee opened her hazel eyes and squinted them tightly, “Ah….I honestly don’t remember.”

“Oh okay.”


I shook my head stretching and rising up into a sitting position. “No reason. You just …You seemed like you were trying to tell me something. It’s no big deal,” I lied as I pull on my shoes and grabbed my cloak.

“Okay,” She mumbled sleepily as she cuddled closer into her pillow. “Have fun.”

Amused I snorted and put a blanket around her bare shoulders before closing the blinds and kissing her forehead. “Sleep you.”

Renee nodded, “Thanks Jules.”



I stood in the living room a moment longer than I meant to and I realized what was stopping me. In my room, in my second drawer from the left, below my scarves, gloves, sunscreen and my extra sunglasses was a very old box, I went in and picked it up. The second I did, I grazed my fingertips over it and felt the velvet soft exterior on my skin.



 “Come here for a minute,”

I pursed my lips, crossed my arms and groaned. “Sirius…I said I didn’t want anything! Really…I’m serious…Not kidding.”

Sirius scoffed at me and put his hands on my shoulders as the waves crashed nosily around us, “Would you just stay there? You know just NOT move.”

“But whhhhhhhhhhy?!”

“Juliette Paxton!”

I sighed, “Fine.”

“Are you going to do it? Stay there and for once do as I ask?” He mocked playfully.

Smiling brightly I went on my tip toes, grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him. “Fine.”

“Now you and I have been together for awhile.”

“Five months.”

He gave me a dirty look for interrupting but continued anyway. “And you know how I feel.”

“You love me.”

“Are you going to let me finish or are you going to just keep interrupting me?”

“I’m sorry,” I rolled my eyes and released him. “Go on.”

“You sure?”


He crossed his arms, “Positive?”

I smiled bigger, “Yes.”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I do.”

He bit his lip as he grinned giving away how nervous he was. “How much?”

“A lot. Sirius what’s going on?”

“Well,” He lowered down to one knee, “I don’t really how to say this right...You know I’m no good with words…See I can’t live without you. We’ve tried it apart and we couldn’t even last two days. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone like I want you. I want to spend everyday with you. Even if that means sitting around in bagel shops and libraries the rest of my life.”

My jaw had dropped and I was unsure what to say. “Sirius are you…You aren’t…”

“Proposing?” He asked with a twinkle in his eyes as he got out the box and popped it open, “Yes I am.”

“But,” I gulped insecurely, “How can you be so sure? We’ve been dating for five months and we’re only seventeen-“

“Because,” He rose to my level and lowered his tone, “I feel it. This morning I woke up and realized my world would be nothing without you in it. And it’s recently occurred to me that this, you and me, isn’t close enough.”

“What do you mean?” I replied softly as the wind whistled by me.

“What I’m saying is. I love you and I want you and only you forever.”

I gazed into his grey eyes and I took a deep breath, “Forever?”

Before I knew it he was down on his knee again. “Will you marry me?”

“I’ve gotta be the biggest idiot in world to say yes.”

He picked me up and twirled me tightly before kissing me passionately. “Where’s your head at Jules?”

I pulled away and let him slip the ring onto my finger. My smile grew until my face hurt, “That’s a hell yes.”



“Jules?” Renee called from the living room, “You still here?”

I wiped the water from my eyes with the back of my hand and let out a shaky breath, “Yeah…” I called to her before putting my ring back where I found it, “I’m leaving now.”

“Good luck!”



Apparating I closed my eyes, Renee’s words ringing softly in my ears as the iron bands tightened around my chest. I never liked to apparate. It made my stomach nauseous and jacked up my nerves; two things I really didn’t need tonight. Walking down the street I felt the warm May breeze cross my face and regret fill my gut. This was going to be the second hardest thing I ever had to do.




Sirius sat in the Order meeting room with James, Remus and Peter comfortably. It was an hour before the meeting was scheduled and for the first time in months they all came together.



“Okay so explained to me how you forget the name of the girl you slept with?” James shot at Sirius in between sips of Butterbeer, “I mean you must keep count some way right? Tally it on your bed post maybe?”

Sirius smirked, “We’ll you see I haven’t perfected my system yet but I will take any suggestions by owl.”

James laughed heartedly, “Oh I have quite a few suggestions for you.”

“Like what Prongs?” Remus piped in slyly.

“Well I’m glad you asked Moony,” James fired back dryly, “I think maybe you should number them or perhaps come up with catchy nicknames for them like ‘Mimi Thunderkittens’ or ‘thong girl’ .”

“You see I like that.” Sirius smiled easily, “But I think if I do the nicknames it might take an ugly turn.”

Peter frowned, “I don’t see how.”

“Think about it Wormtail. If I forget who they are I can’t exactly ask them, ‘Hey are you Firecrotch or SlimNeasy?’”

Remus grinned but didn’t laugh like the others.  Instead he leaned back in his chair pensively, “You haven’t had anyone around lately though have you?”

 “What do you mean?” Sirius’s smile faded as suspicion filled his voice.

“I mean I’ve seen you talking to girls and trying to get them back to your place but they don’t seem to make it there lately.”

Sirius’s indifference turned to a scowl, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Moony. Same as always.”

“Maybe I’m mistaken.” Remus stated simply as the tension between him and Sirius thickened.

“Yeah,” Sirius announced in a dark tone, “You are.”

James’s eyebrows furrowed together as he moved forward. “Ah anything going on guys?”

“No,” They both answered in unison as Dumbledore walked in.

“Sirius?” Dumbledore asked him lightly, “I was wondering if I could have a word.”

He nodded curtly, stood up and followed him out of the room.



In the past few weeks since she had returned he fought to ignore her and keep his life as normal as possible. But he couldn’t. He hit the bars harder than ever. Dozens of girls he tried to vent his repressed feelings on that all failed. He could never follow through as soon as it came time to take them back to his place he lost his nerve.  It wasn’t just his love life that she was affecting either. It was everything. He couldn’t sleep without having nightmares of her.  The only thing on his mind was her and how much it killed him to lose her the first time. Now she seemed like a robot. She never got angry, upset, happy or sad when she spoke at meetings. And she never held a facial expression that was anything but indifference. Sighing, he shut the door behind him and attempted to empty his thoughts.



“Sirius as you know Ms. Paxton is new.”

His throat clenched as he gave Dumbledore a stiff nod.

“I was wondering if you would mind if I partnered her with you.”

“Excuse me?” He inquired his voice louder than he intended it to be.

Dumbledore smiled at Sirius and put a hand on his shoulder. “Sirius I’ve watched you grow as a young man into a noble man. And I’m proud of you. That you in spite of your parent’s example have chosen to go against prejudices.”

“I’m sorry sir. Thank you. I appreciate that but what does it have to do with-?”

“She was in Slythern, pureblooded and from the same type of family as yours. She had every reason in the world to join them but she didn’t. Out of all the members of this organization I think you can grasp that best and will help me make her more included.”

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but Dumbledore stopped him.

Everyone deserves a second chance Sirius.”

The meaning of his words forced Sirius to accept the consequences of Dumbledore’s words. “Of course sir.”

“Now go back inside and if you could fetch me Remus I would be most grateful.”

“Will do.”

Sirius tapped Remus on the shoulder, “He wants you.”



Sirius then sat down and put his head in his hands. Years of repression and now Dumbledore was asking him to confront everything he’d been trying to forget. It had taken him a long time to get over Juliette Paxton and now he wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. Remus walked through the door Sirius had recently left and closed the door.



“You wanted to see me sir?”

“I did,” Dumbledore’s face grew sober, “I did as you asked. I partnered Juliette with Sirius but I must feed my curiosity a little…”

Remus shrugged, “Naturally you would want to know why I would want them to work together.”

“Well yes.”

“I think they can help each other.” Remus gave him a knowing look as Juliette came in through the front door with a dark scowl on her face, “With everything.”

She stormed over furiously and pushed Remus hard in the chest. “You manipulative asshole!”

Authors Note:

THANK YOU FOR READING! I know they were supposed to confront each other in this chapter but it was getting too long so NEXT CHAPTER they will I swear!  PLEASE REVIEW! I will edit this when i get the chance.

Chapter 12: Learning to Breathe
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Remus went up the boy’s staircase urgently. When he got there he did not find Sirius. What he did find was James standing on his bed with a giant alligator snapping at his heels. Confused but not all together surprised Remus backed away from the alligator and gave James a withering look.


"What the hell is this-?!"

"DON'T-SAY-WHAT-HE-IS!" James shouted as he swatted the reptile away from himself with a pink umbrella, "HIS NAME IS TACO!"

Remus's let his jaw drop in bewilderment. "You named an Alligator, Tac-"

"NOOOOO!" James yelled as the large alligator moved from trying to nibble on his ankles to trying to swallow Remus whole.

Yelping in fear, Remus hurtled over his own bed and jumped into the bathroom. "WHY THE HELL IS THERE A-"

"DON'T SAY WHAT HE IS! He's very sensitive!" James announced in a nurturing way before climbing up onto the window sill away from Taco's reach.

"Okay," Remus sighed in aggravation, "Then would you mind telling me why..."

"Taco," James supplied with a smile.
"Fine, can you tell me why 'Taco' is in our room? Probably eating my bed at this point..."

"He doesn't like your bed but i do see him going for your books."

Remus slammed open the door furiously and pointed his wand at his book bag intimidatingly only to find Taco on the entirely opposite side of the room. "Why you-!" He roared at James menacingly. "How could you lie about such things?!"

"Oh come on we both know you never would have came out of my room if i hadn't of threatened the livelihood of your precious books."

 "Whatever," Remus scouffed testily as he stayed far away from Taco, "Why is he here?"

"Transfig final project. I have to Transfigure my luggage into a...." James eyed Taco carefully, "Into a him and then transfigure him into a bag."

Remus rubbed his eyes in anxiety before sighing. "Okay...I won't even question it...Do you know where Sirius is?"

James's face considerably darkened at that as his face grew sober. "No. Can't say I have."

"Well you have fun with..." Remus rolled his eyes, "Taco and i'll look for him."

"Bye!" James shouted before screeching, "BAD TACO! DON'T CLIMB UP THE WALL! VERY BAD TACO!"



Remus went through the empty charm’s corridor frustrated and tired. He’d been looked for Sirius all over the castle and still nothing. With a week left before school ended it was getting harder and harder to track Sirius down. It really didn't make sense to Remus why he was acting the way he was. When he had come back from Easter break two months previous Remus knew something was wrong. He’d fake smiles and laughs for James’s sake but Remus saw right through it. Sirius was never one to hold a frown even when he was surrounded by people he hated. After Easter he was different. Anyone could be talking to him and his eyes just would be empty of any emotion. Remus was planning on saying something when he started his serial snogging sessions. The odd thing was in October Remus wouldn’t be surprised to find him snogging a new girl every week but since November it was like he was having a women hiatus. He didn't date, or even shoot out nearly as many sleazy pick up lines as normal. It was just so...out of character.



Grunting in frustration, Remus finally gave up. He’d gone so far across the castle he had landed himself in the dungeons. Turning, he let out an irritated sigh and stopped abruptly. He wasn’t completely sure but he could have sworn he heard a woman scream. Acting on his instincts, he rushed towards where he thought he heard the sound. After taking one step into the room he froze. What he saw, he couldn’t believe. There were four Slythern’s in the room; Lestrange, Nott, Malfoy and Paxton.  Two months ago it wouldn’t have been odd to see them all together but this was not right. From what he could see Nott and Lestrange were holding her up.  Her face was blank from emotion. He wouldn’t have even known that she was still living if it weren’t for her eyes. Her black sullen eyes were filled with suffering and regret that he felt his own heart ache with her anguish. Every inch of her was broken and bruised.  Not sure what to do he just stood there and watched in fear.



Pausing between Cruciatus curses, Malfoy wiped the small bead of sweat that was building on his forehead and smirked. “Stings doesn’t it?”

She glared at him hatefully, “You are a spineless coward Malfoy.”

“How am I coward?”

“You didn’t even fight me on your own…You’re not even original,” She spat out some blood and let out a shaky breath, “Yaxley and Nott had this discussion a week ago. Same misunderstanding.” Her eyes lifted to his, “You all seem to think I give a rat’s ass what you think about me…I don’t.”



Remus was surprised to see that as weak as she was she still had the energy to speak full sentences. He was taken aback by the look of loathing that intensified on their already furious faces.



Malfoy punched her so hard in the face Remus knew Malfoy had broke her jaw.  She started to actually physically shake in pain as he sneered and lowered his face to hers. “You are lower than that blood traitor you love and now for the rest of your life you will pay for this.”



She looked like she was going unconscious and Remus rushed forward. After taking one step Lestrange whipped out his wand and sent him flying into the hall. He woke to Sirius picking up off the ground. "You okay mate?"

"Yeah," Remus slurred disoriented, "Where is she?"

"Where is who?"



Remus looked over Sirius's shoulder and saw that the room was empty. Suddenly her voice sounded in his ears, the fierce tone, the wounded scream. She didn't care what they did to here because she'd already been hurt beyond her limit. Something in Sirius's face gave away the truth. Sirius's didn't have to admit it. Remus now knew why he'd been so depressed and why now he was almost obsessively dating. He was trying to forget her. And every time he'd switch girls thinking maybe that girl would be the one girl to help him be able to he'd be disappointed. Comprehension filled Remus's face as he starred at Sirius's.

Clueless, Sirius gave him a worried look, "You okay Moony? Did you hit your head too hard?"

"No," Remus spoke simply giving him a knowing look, "Just hard enough."



I was almost there. Just a few steps and I would be in the order headquarters. It had nearly taken me the entire ten minute walk to gather enough sanity to calm down. I was going to be okay. I would be diplomatic and treat him the same as I did Potter and Lupin. Nothing would be awkward or change. At least that's what i needed to believe. Sighing, I stopped and picked up a wrapper that was laying on the floor. Unconsciously I was about to stuff it in my pocket when i found both my pocket's were already stuffed with bagel wrappings. I was about to just cram room for it when i saw it was the exact same wrapper. Examining it closely I even saw that the date stamp was two minutes before my other one from Tuesday. No i wouldn't normally remember if i went twice in the same day but i would however remember if they messed up my order and i had to get in line again a few moments later.

Frowning, I closed my eyes and focused on the day. I had woken up early, took a shower, went to the bagel shop, went to work, went home, slept. There was nothing out of the ordinary about that day. At work i had just paperwork and it only took me five minutes to get in, get my bagel, and get out. I really wanted to let it go and allow myself to think that i was just been overly-analytical but I couldn't. I stopped walking and perched myself on a big random nearby boulder. What was i missing? What was it that I wasn't seeing. I needed a pensive. Off in the close distance I saw an abandoned house. No one was on the road and I was already two minutes late for the meeting. I figured what the hell. I needed to know. Taking my pocket pensive out I went into the house and shut the door. For a second I hesitated. I glanced around the broken down house suspiciously and continued to pause. A  few moments later I decided it was safe. Carefully I put the silver tub horizontal and pressed it to my temple....



Violently i was thrown down hard into an unforgiving brown hard wood floor. I groaned aggregately before pushing myself up off the floor to my feet. It was Tuesday again. There was a long line of muggles in front and behind me as I waited patiently for my food. I backed away to the counter see the entire shop. There was nothing odd about the scene. There was a lady with a bright scarlet serpent on her hat in line behind me, at a nearby table there were muggles talking about football and there was Remus Lupin five people behind me. For a second my mind lapsed and I thought that would be a normal occurrence. That Remus Lupin would, on his daily travels, go into MY bagel shop decked out in a baseball cap and jeans. I went over to him and saw that he was watching me. Not me at that moment but the me in the memory. I would towards him and saw him write something I couldn't see. For a little while I waited. I waited as the line moved along, for him to reveal what he'd been waiting. Then I saw it.



May 27th, 1980:

-No Death Eater's in sight.

May 28, 1980:

-No Death Eaters in sight.

June 1st, 1980:

-No Death Eaters in sight.

June 5th, 1980:

-No Death Eaters in sight.



My jaw locked tightly as my eyes narrowed dangerously. He was spying on me. I groaned and fell to the floor of the abandoned house. I pulled out my memory too quick. My temples felt like they were on fire. The sliver tub was ejecting out of the pensive so I slid it back in, shoved it into my pocket and began rubbing my temples. A anger started in my stomach, scampered up my body and rose up through my stomach to my chest. I stomped out of the house and stormed to headquarters. I never expected them to accept me. I was a Slythern through and through. I was on the Quidditch team, I dated a lot of Slythern guys and my family was psychotically pure-blood. I understood that they wouldn't like me. But blatantly going behind my back and following me! I was beyond livid.

There was nothing holding me back as I reached the door. In my head I already had the situation planned. My anger was later fueled by the fact that he was standing right by the door. I took one aggressive step forward before seeing Dumbledore next to him. Unable to completely control my anger, I marched forward and shoved him so hard in the chest he staggered backward.

"You manipulative asshole!" I dropped my hood and glowered at him hatefully. "Excuse me sir, but I don't think I can work here anymore." I turned to direct my anger at Remus. "Some people apparently hate me to the point of going behind my back."

"Well," Dumbledore smiled pleasantly, "I'll leave you two to it."

The second he left I approached him. "What's your problem?"

He tensed up, "I don't know what you're talking about Paxton..."

"You've been following me!"


My eyes dilated as I raised my hands in frustration, "You're not even going to bother denying it?!"

"Paxton calm down."

That set me off. I hated that. Why do people think that by just saying the words calm down that that phrase will have any effect on the person? It normally stimulates a stronger, more violent response like the one pulsing through my veins. Who was he to tell me to calm down? I'm about a third of his size and i could throw through the door he's leaning on. Fists clenching, I took an aggressive step towards him.

"Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me to calm down?! You don't even know me and yet you're self entitled enough to think that i'm evil or something! Why were you even following me?!"

Then he did the most irritating thing. First he let out a sigh of relief and then he started laughing, at me. "Paxton, I wasn't following you because i think you're a Death Eater. I was following you because I thought you were being followed."

"Why would you think that?"

He pulled out a piece of parchment with a list of names on it. "Our inside source wrote that this is their most wanted list."

I scrolled from the twenty to the first and saw a few names I recognized;
Stephen Drake # 20,
Christian Savage #19,
Matthew Marowski #18,
Benji Fenwick #17,
Richard Lester #16,
Kingsley Shacklebolt #15,
Lily Potter #14,
Joe Tritt # 13,
Remus Lupin #12,
James Potter #11,
Daniel Proudfoot # 10,
Alexander Williamson #9,
Nathan Crestwood #8,

Alice Longbottom #7,
Frank Longbottom #6,
Sirius Black #5,
Lorenzo DeMarko #4,
Juliette Paxton #3,
Alastor Moody #2,
Albus Dumbledore #1.

In confusion I furrowed my eyebrows. How could I possibly be considered 2nd? Out of twenty people on the list how was I even in the top five? Top ten yes but top three? I gave Lupin a look of severe disbelief.

"This is the hit list?"


I scowled, "So...You are following me to make sure i'm not being followed because someone made a list of who they didn't like...Am i getting that right?"

Remus blushed angrily. "No. I just...Never mind. Sorry for trying to be nice."

"How is it nice to follow me? You could have at least ran it past me."

"Dumbledore asked me not to."

I bit my lip bitterly. Of course, Dumbledore. Lupin would never do this FOR ME. Dumbledore was pulling the strings. What was that man up to? "Well I'll tell Dumbledore I can take care of myself...But-" I glanced away, "Thanks..."


Awkwardly we looked at each other until finally I broke his glance and walked into the meeting room. As soon as I sat down in between Alice and Dumbledore, Dumbledore slid me a glass of orange juice. Incredulously my jaw lowered as my face contorted in confusion.

He only smiled, "Orange juice?"


Sitting back I drank my orange juice with a blank expression. All I could think about was WHY Dumbledore had this odd fascination with orange juice and why he shared it with me. Lupin came in behind me and Dumbledore stood to initiate that the meeting was about to start. Everyone's eyes were magnetized to him as he grabbed the list from Remus.



"Before I hand out our missions..." He began diplomatically, " I just thought I should once again press opon you the danger I so carelessly throw you into everyday." All eyes then became glued to the parchment as I alone starred at the table top in front of me, "Some of you this may not come as much of a surprise," His eyes lingered over Sirius's as he moved around the table slowly, "And some of you this may come as a shock," Dumbledore then chose to set his spectacled eyes on me, "But all of you should be on you're guard. What we do here is a risk but a risk we all believe in taking."

Moody let out a gruff grunt off approval across from me. I half-smiled.

"So!" Dumbledore beamed, bringing his hands together and loosing his morose tone, "Here are you're assignments. Potter and Lupin-" He handed them an envelope and they stood up and left," Vance and Longbottom.... Prewett and Evans....Black and Paxton-" He rose and snatched the envelope, turned away from me before leaving for the entryway.




I stood and followed Sirius. My head was spinning as my heart slammed against my ribs violently. I focused on staying calm. I would channel all my left over aggression from Lupin and use it to ignore everything but the mission. It took him a long time to look me in the face  but when he did I recognized his expression as the same one Renee wore when she went to visit her grandmother. Tighting my lips, I collected myself. I could handle this. I was strong enough to deal with this. So I took a step toward him and nodded at him. We were two feet apart but it was still close. I could now see the tight jaw line, strong lips and the two small birth marks that hovered over his left eyebrow that I tried to forget. I didn't say a thing. All i did was stand there and convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. A distinctive mix of his natural scent and deodorant wafted over me and I prayed he would break the silence. I wanted to break it but I couldn't. All the walls I had closely wound around me were shaking.



He cleared his throat and shifted his eyes to the envelope as quickly as he could. "We have to break into Malfoy's House."

"And do what?"

"...." Sirius raised his eyebrows in bewilderment, "We have to get the ingredient's to make a polyjuice potion."

"So DNA....I guess we could grab her brush and his...." I scowled trying to think of something, "What would we get of his?"

He shrugged dismissively, "We can figure it out when we get there."

I nodded again and crossed my arms over my chest. "We should go then."


"I ah..." I started uncomfortably.


I lifted my lower lip over my teeth and starred at my feet angrily. "I don't know where they live."

"Oh..." He frowned. "You could side along apparate with me."




We walked outside and he moved his arm out a fraction of an inch for me to hold onto. I looked up into his eyes and saw nothing. Something about his indifference gave me the confidence to put my feelings aside, grab his arm and apparate with him to the Malfoy's.

Authors Note:

This chapter isn't edited yet but I will do so in my free time. PLEASE REVIEW! THANK YOU FOR READING!

Chapter 13: Everything We Had
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“Hello Sirius.”

Sirius’s mouth dropped open. “You?!”

She smiled at him almost condescendingly. “Yes, me.”

“But …what…how..?!”

“I told you, you knew me.”

His eyes grew dark as they intensified with dislike. If he had known he wouldn’t have spoken to her. Sirius made sure to make this clear in his tone, “So you did it to mess around with me then?”

“I believe it was you that wouldn’t leave me alone.” She pointed out crossing her arms over her Slythern tie.

“…Fine.” He sulked immaturely, annoyed that his anger was his own fault.



Her hair fell into her face as she pulled out some spare parchment and began doodling on the edge of it. Sirius was planning on ignoring her. He would wait until McGonagall gave them an assignment, he would finish it and then he would talk to Remus about James’s eighteenth birthday party. At least that’s what he intended on doing. The one thing about Sirius was if he got a thought in his head it was nearly impossible to get it out.  At that moment he was watching Juliette doodle as McGonagall re-explained the notes from the last class to Alice Prewett. What kept his interest was how beautiful she looked as she concentrated on drawing unusual sketches. Her jet-black hair was sprawled across her parchment, she bit her bottom lip in focus and a small crinkle in her forehead appeared. He began to allow his eyes to wonder and fully gather her appearance. She was about five foot four with clear, smooth, tan skin, a button nose, long neck and thin lips. His curiosity widened when he subtly saw that despite her petite frame she didn’t run small in the bra department.  Going against his better judgment he decided to test the waters. Maybe a fling with a Slythern would be fun.



Turning in his chair he prepared himself on what he should say to her. Before he had the chance she sighed and glanced up at him. “Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m not!” He lied horribly shifting away from her.

“So then you had a particular interest in the mid-section of my blouse for academic purposes?”

Sirius began feeling his cheeks heat up and he didn’t understand what was happening. Why did he feel so hot all of a sudden. “Um… ”

“You’re blushing.” She smiled lightly flashing him her set of flawless white teeth. “Why are you blushing?”

“Ah…” He couldn’t be blushing. He had never blushed in his life. Sirius actively made fun of James every time he did so.  “I don’t blush.”

“Well that’s too bad for you because your entire face looks like a swollen tomato.”

Sirius felt his face grow even hotter until he had to force himself to look away from her. “No it’s not.”

“Look,” She took out a mirror and slid it across the table so it was directly under his face. “You’re blushing.”



Sirius starred at his own striking face and saw that it was a deep shade of crimson. Angry he tossed the mirror back to her and refused to look at her. He couldn’t believe she of all people made him blush. Where was the cocky arrogant punk now? Right from the start he was full of himself and confident. At that moment he couldn’t seem to find the assurance to shoot back a smug line. Juliette Paxton grinned tightly at him as if she knew that she would have this effect on him. This made him furious. She must have slipped him a potion. He was acting completely out of character. Grabbing his quill he ignored McGonagall when she started to speak. Instead Sirius used his linked parchment to send Remus a message.



Sirius: Help!

Remus: What’s wrong?

Sirius: This chick is going to be the death of me!

Remus: Why?



That stopped him. Why was he blushing? He should have moved over and thrown a suggestive line at her but he didn’t. Carefully he lifted his eyes to hers and found her reading. The doodle on the side of her parchment was finished.  He peeked at it and found an oddly shaped drawing of himself and her. The bubble that was connected to her mouth said, “Want to make out sometime?” The bubble outside his mouth was empty and he felt himself smile. Not grin or smirk but genially smile. Though he knew she was reading her book (Wuthering Heights) Sirius suspected she was waiting for him to fill in the space.



Reaching over he got steam back just before he pressed his quill down against the parchment, “Ready when you are sweetheart.”



He waited for her. In about ten minutes she would get out of Astronomy and round the corner. It was weird but he had started to plan his day around their snogging sessions. After seven years at Hogwarts, he’d chased every skirt in the place but there was something different about this one. After the first week he thought it was just the danger element that kept him so interested in this but after snogging only one girl for three weeks he was beginning to see that there was more to it than that. Sirius found himself wanting to take her out. To flaunt her to the whole school and show that she was his and his alone. It was an odd and unfamiliar emotion but as the weeks grew on he began to …like it. How strange it was that all this time he’d been unable to find a girl he could have more than just a good snog with. The only problem was he couldn’t silence all the boys who were after her because they couldn’t know how Sirius felt. Shrugging he leaned against the stone wall bored and slightly tired. So he wouldn’t owl her he worked out for two hours and threw things at James for another three before going to bed.



Yawning he saw her walk up alone. Her dark eyes searched for him as she shifted her wavy hair over her right shoulder. Smirking he grabbed her spun her around and pin her against the cold stone wall.


“Hey,” he smiled devilishly.

She grinned back amusedly. “Hello. How are you?”




Sirius took no time in wasting with meaningless pleasantries. He went in for her lips and he didn’t leave them until they were successively swollen. Then he released her and pressed his cool forehead against hers. She smiled brightly at him as their breathing slowed down. Unsurely moved her hair behind her ear and backed away.



She crossed her arms suspiciously. “Yes?”

“Would you mind or I should say would you like to …you know.”

“No I don’t know Sirius.”

He blushed slightly, much to his own annoyance.

She loved it. Juliette came closer and cupped his face though he was much taller than she was. “Why are you blushing this time?”

“I’m not blushing…All that snogging just made my face warm…” He grumbled furiously.

“What did you want to ask me?”

“If you wanted to…You know do something other than snog…”

Her hands dropped and her eyes narrowed. “I’m not having sex with you Black!”

“No! Not that…Well that would be nice but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“What were you talking about then?”

He scowled at her condescending tone. “I was talking about going on a date.”

“Oh…” She mumbled her hands dropping into her pockets, her face falling slightly.

“I mean…” He started feeling incredibly stupid for even bringing it up. “We don’t have to it was just a suggestion.”

“Oh no! It’s not that I don’t want to go. I was just wondering when we could do that.”

Sirius felt his heart rise and the smile return to his face. “Oh well. I know how to get to Hogsmede when we don’t go for school trips.”

“Okay…” She beamed unsurely before kissing him hard on the lips. “When?”

“What are you doing on Saturday?”

“I guess I’m going out with you.”

“Okay,” Sirius smiled harder before taking her face and bringing it gently to his own. “It’s a date.”



This wasn’t normal. He shouldn’t be this nervous. Sirius had been on dozens of dates before he even referred to himself as a seasoned expert but this wasn’t the same. He knew what kind of person she was and what positions she preferred to make out in but not any of the little details he wanted to know. Like what her favorite; color, food, book, class, season, chocolate, flower and animal were -simple things that if they had met a normal way he would have discovered. Leaning against the wall next to the one eyed witch he waited for her impatiently. His mind began to wonder how many dates she had been on. Over the years he had often seen her with various guys but he was never sure which of them she dated and which were just her friends. Letting out an irritated sigh he let his head rest back on the wall. Peeves came by stopped at the sight of him.



“Oooh Blackhead isn’t at dinner! What mischief do you start?”

“Nothing tonight Peeves but tomorrow night be in Ravenclaw common room.”

Peeves seemed delighted at this thought and moved on. “Blackhead blackhead how he causes trouble wherever he goes! With Loony Lupin, Pothead Potter-“

Sirius stopped listening to Peeves song as a small hand tugged on his sleeve.

“What were you talking to Peeves for?” Juliette questioned confusedly.

“He came by but I sent him off quickly.” He shrugged indifferently.

“So where we going?”

He gave her a blindfold and she gave him a dirty look. “Just trust me.”

“Alright …but if we end up somewhere weird I’m going to kick your ass.”

Sirius tied the blindfold over her eyes, “Got it,” before whispering, “Dissendium,” and climbing have way down. “Okay turn around and walk straight.”

“Sirius…” She began unsurely.

“Trust me.” He repeated again prepared to catch her.

She bit her lip but did as he asked and fell right on top of him. Involuntarily she let out a scream that was silenced the she felt him hold her. “Sirius?!”

“You’re fine,” He laughed heartedly as he went down the stairs. “You’re blind fold will be off in a few minutes.”

“So what are you going to carry me all the way there?” The disbelief in her voice made him want to prove her wrong but he didn’t.

“I could but I’m not going to.” He put her down on the wet floor and grabbed her hand. A weird sensation traveled up his fingertips to his shoulder. Suddenly he became glad she could see or he was sure she’d tease him for the giant grin on his face from just holding her hand. For the rest of the walk she didn’t say a word. No complaining or whining about how her feet hurt, no, ‘are we there yet,’ she just walked alongside him excited for whatever came next.



Finally they made it to the latch underneath honey dukes cellar and Sirius opened it and gave her a boost up. He locked the latch and helped her to her feet easily. Then he took off her blindfold and watched her face light up. She jumped up and hugged him tightly, wrapping her legs around his waist, winding her hands around his back and pressing her face into the back of his neck.



“It’s not that deep,” He snorted obviously pleased with her enthusiastic reaction.

She pulled her face inches away from his, a lock of her hair brushing his face. “I LOVE chocolate.”

“Well let’s get you some then.” He put her down and put out his hand.

“Fine,” She smirked grabbing his hand tightly, “but I pay for my own.”

His eyebrows raised in surprise but he allowed it. “Fine but I still get dinner.”




Intertwining their fingers, they walked up the cellar of honey dukes up to the shop together and started picking out sweets. Sirius went for anything with butterscotch or white chocolate. Juliette went for all the dark chocolate, candy corn and caramels. Within fifteen minutes they each had a bowlful of candies each. The man at the register looked at her in surprise but didn’t say anything as he rang her up. Sirius faintly wondered if he was more curious about how someone so small could eat so much or why she was paying for her own candy. The last did puzzle Sirius; even though he was short on funds he still wouldn’t have minded paying. Normally the girls he went out with didn’t think anything of it and bought as much as they wanted. Next time he wouldn’t let her buy but it meant something to him that she was considerate enough to pay for her own things instead of expecting him to do so.



“Where do you want to go next?” Sirius asked as snow began to fall around them.

“I dunno,” She scrunched her face up in thought. “Want to just wander around the shops?”




Stepping into a girly clothing shop she picked out a few dresses and he put on a face. He hoped she didn’t want to try a lot of them on. She didn’t actually intend for herself to try it on but for him to.



Sirius held the clothes with a blank look on his face. “What am I holding this for you to try on?”

“No,” She snorted, “That is for YOU to try on.”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you chicken?”


Juliette got closer to him and gave him a playful patronizing look. “Are-you-chicken?”

“Call me chicken…one..more…time.” He dared her, his face mere centimeters away from hers.

A fresh smile appeared on her face as she got even closer to him. “Chicken.”



For a moment he just starred at her before snatching one of the dresses and jumping into the dressing room. Sirius caught the sales lady giving Juliette a terrified look but he didn’t care. His arrogance however over powered any ounce of self consciousness he might have and he took off his clothes and pulled on the dress. She must have known his general size because the only thing that didn’t fit was the butt. For a guy he did have a big ass. After a few moments he walked out without any reservations.



“I’ve got to say,” He started with poise, “I probably look better in this then you would.”

She was hysterical. The second he came out she fell to the floor crying because she was laughing so hard. “You really do though.”

He struck a pose which only made her double over more.

“Stttop!” She begged him weakly as she wiped the tears of enjoyment off her cheeks.

“Oh don’t think you’re not next little missy.”




He went over –still clad in his bright bubblegum, knee length party dress- to the lingerie aisle. Sirius browsed for a few minutes until he found a matching black lacy set. It wasn’t overly sluty but it was sluty enough for pay back –not to mention he wouldn’t mind seeing her in it. So he marched right to the changing room and changed back into his t-shirt and loose fitting jeans.



“Yes,” He announced strutting back over to her and handing the hanger over to her. “You.”

“You must be delusional if you think I’m wearing …this...” She muttered in disgust.

He crossed his arms. “Not delusional. Just calling it even, unless you’re chicken.”

“Fine. I’m a big fat chicken! I’m not putting it on.”

Scowling he decided to go another route. “Fine. If I pick something that isn’t lingerie you have to wear it then.”

“…Fine.” She agreed narrowing her eyes in distrust.

Sighing in slight disappointment he just grabbed the first short black dress he could find. “Here go.”

“So Sirius-“ She started as she began to change behind the curtain. “How did you meet Lupin and Potter?”

He sat down on the stairs leading to the changing rooms and furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “I met James on the train ride first year. Remus was in our Transfiguration class…” Sirius broke off to give a quick bark of laugh, “He took notes so determinedly that we started watching him and noticed he sat alone at lunch so we just joined him and that was it.”

“That simple?”

“Yeah,” He paused before clearing his throat uneasily. “Um…what about your friends?”

“Oh well I’ve been friends with Parker forever. We practically grew up together. Nott, Thorn, Lestrange and I have been friends for nearly a decade. I’d always be hanging around them for those stupid boring pureblood parties…Taylor and Angie have been friends with me since the second year. We met in Potions class.”

He frowned, “Oh.”



He couldn’t really get as into her answer as he wanted to. Her friends were his enemies. It was beyond clear that he would never be eye to eye with her when it came to them but he didn’t want to push it. She was polite enough to ask about his friends when it was obvious that she didn’t like them. There was also a part of him that felt like she held back from adding his brother from that list. Sirius wasn’t blind. When he was disowned Regulus and Sirius refused to speak to one another but that didn’t stop Sirius from seeing who he spent his time with. Often he caught him lingering around her and he didn’t like it. Sighing he caught the saleswoman’s unapproving eye. Used to the gesture he just winked at her and turned away.



“Okay if you make fun of me. I’m going to beat you to a pulp.” Juliette warned from behind him.

He rolled his eyes at her empty threat, “Yeah with your t-rex arms….” Sirius’s sentence died out as he saw her.

“What?” She questioned moving over to look at herself in the mirror. “Oh come on it doesn’t look THAT bad!”



Sirius glanced over and saw that the saleswoman was helping a woman find a size that fit her. After that, he didn’t give the lady a second thought. He seized her in his arms, went into the changing room and shut the curtain. Her eyes widened in bewilderment but he didn’t give her time to ask what he was doing. With immediate force he cupped her face with one and with the other one he lifted her up so he could pin her to the wall. A loud gasp escaped her lips as he hovered over her jaw for a moment prior to enveloping his lips with hers. Her reaction was just as fervent as his initiation. They didn’t separate until the saleswoman banged on the wall.



“One to a stall!”



Sirius grinned at that and dropped her to her feet. He took a moment to admire the beauty that had hit him so hard moments ago. The dress fit her perfectly. It accented her slender waist, hips and stomach while showing off her busty chest and athletically tan legs. Her lips were pleasantly puffy as she pushed him out of the dressing room. The look he received when came out from the ladies waiting in line was one of contempt and displeasure. A proud gritty smile came on his face. Jules came out quickly, promptly giving him a kiss on his cheek.



“Let’s go!”

He opened the door for her and gave the saleslady one last wink before taking Jules’s hand. “So tell me something?”


“ What is your favorite color, food, book, class, season, flower and animal?”

She laughed lightly trying to think of all the answers. “Well …dark green, spaghetti, …ah hard one um…I gotta say I’m a sucker for Wuthering Heights as cliqued as it is, class has got to be Transfiguration, season…” Jules let her dark eyes stray from the road for an instant to just watch the snow fall. “Winter, I love snow. It’s pretty in the quiet kind of way….” Her thoughts led her astray until she came back to him, “Sunflower is my favorite flower. Roses are over rated. Animal…You know I’m pretty basic I like cats and everything but I like dogs better. They are just so sweet and honest….”

Sirius beamed at her answers and held her hand tighter. “Oh.”

“What about you? What’s your favorite color, Quidditch team…, class, season, animal and time of day?”

“Brown, …Sadly the Cannons are my team,” He chuckled to himself fake bitterly, “Class it’s a tie I like Transfiguration and Defense about the same. I like fall, leaves are falling and I dunno it looks..nice.”

She snorted at that but said nothing.

“I like the morning, I actually wake up early usually.”

“What about animal?”

He shrugged liking that she caught his subtle side step. “Dog too …I suppose.”

“You suppose?” She teased nudging his side.




They were about to go into the three broomsticks when she stopped him. She wouldn’t look him in the eye but he saw the regret and faded anger in her eyes. “We can’t go in there.”

“Why? No one will be in there.”

Her voice was faint. “My parent’s friend owns the place…”

“Oh.” Sirius couldn’t keep all frustration out of his voice but he didn’t force it. “We can just go somewhere else.””

“Okay…” She bit her lip, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay…No really.” He tipped her face up so she had to look into his eyes, “It’s fine.”

She poorly attempted a smile and tried to start walking. “So do you talk to any of your family still?”

This brought a grim smile on his face, “No. I don’t.”




Where was she? His mind raced as he continuously switched from checking his watch to checking the hallway. All break he didn’t hear a thing from her. Not a single peep from her in ten days wasn’t like her. Every day over Christmas break he received a very long letter detailing all the things that she had done that day. The break after he ....he expected to hear from her at least once a day. The fact that she said nothing made him worry that something went wrong. Had her parent’s found out? Did they forbid her from coming back to Hogwarts? Was she in some kind of trouble? And why wasn’t she answering his owls? Was she kidnapped by the circus or something? He didn’t even see her on the platform. They couldn’t make her not go to the last two months of school. She wouldn’t graduate.



A deep breath helped Sirius keep his frantic mind from exploding but didn’t help his nerves any. Pacing fiercely, he finally felt claustrophobic in a ten by eight compartment and had to get out. He didn’t know where he was going but he knew he could stand still any longer. He had to get to her. He had to find her. Passing by the candy cart lady he realized where he was going. It was suicide but he didn’t care. Whatever happened to him didn’t matter all he cared about was her. If that meant he had to ask a Slythern well…. he would have to do it. He would cozy up to a scum sucking, vomit inducing Slythern any day if it meant that he could know where she was. The truth was that he meant everything he had said. Over the years he had a talent for making promises he couldn’t keep but he meant every word he had ever said to her. Pushing his way to the last aisle boldly he set his face. Surely there would be a fight but he was ready. They could beat the shit out of him if they wanted, it didn’t matter.  His rush of adrenaline accelerated as soon as the compartment in question opened. Sirius stopped dead as soon as he saw it was a girl with black hair. His jaw tightened however when she turned and wasn’t Juliette but his dear dear cousin Bellatrix. If it was for anyone else he would have left but he couldn’t leave. This wasn’t something he could let go of.



Bellatrix crossed her arms and for once wasn’t sneering. In fact she looked surprised. “Well I didn’t expect you to come for her.”

“Excuse me?”

“She’s not here.” She told him honestly, “You can look in my fiancée’ compartment if you don’t believe me.”

“Fiancée?” He asked tonelessly.

Her lips curved into an unmistakable smirk of triumph. “I believe you know him, Rodolphus Lestrange.”

“Of course.” Sirius scoffed, “But you don’t know who I’m looking for.”

“Juliette Paxton didn’t get on the train. In fact I doubt that she is returning to Hogwarts at all.”

“Well I’m not looking for her,” He lied easily as he turned to leave.

“But weren’t you?” She smirked blinding him with her bright teeth. “It’s kind of sad really. I never knew you were one to commit to really anything dear cousin let alone a sad pity case like Juliette.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you?”

He gave her an odd look. “What are you getting at?”

“Forgive me but were you not engaged to her just three weeks ago?”

“What’s your angle Bella?”

She gave him another painfully bright smile. “No angle. I just thought you should know why she is gone.”

“Do tell since you supposedly know my motivation for everything.” Sirius spat at her hatefully.

“She’s engaged to your brother,” She giggled delightfully. “They are trying to keep it all hushed up but you know how it is with our families…good news gets spread around.”

He let out a short cold laugh before shaking his head and moving around. “I don’t believe you.”

“He’s not here either.” She called to him making him pause in his tracks. “They are making wedding plans before she graduates. I think he’ll be at the castle before we get there though. Just think your own brother marrying the only girl you ever loved….How ironic.”



He never wanted to hit a woman more in that moment than any other time in the rest of his life. Inhaling sharply he curled his fist and kept walking. Her words hung in his head heavy as the gleam from her predator teeth stayed in his mind. Though he wanted so desperately to not let his cousin get under skin he could stop himself from hearing her words. She had intentionally and maliciously sent a shiver of doubt in the trust he had for his and Juliette’s relationship. Moving forward he felt his eyes begin to brim with tears. This wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be. Going into the head’s department he sat next to the window and ignored the curious stares he received from James, Lily, Remus, Peter and Emmeline. Sirius couldn’t let this go. There wasn’t a bone in his body that didn’t want to fight for her. He feared though that they might have gotten to her to the point where nothing he could say would bring her back to him. Rolling his bottom lip over his bottom teeth he formulated a plan. He had to see her. The word of his cousin wasn’t nearly enough. As the train hurdled through the fog and pouring rain one thought endured, she loved him, she said yes. One look at her face would remind him of that and that’s all he really needed.



“Sirius? You okay?”

He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Around him, he felt several worried glances. “I’m fine.”

It was James who spoke. “You sure? You zoned out for about five minutes there.”

“Yeah I’m fine…Just tired.”

“Okay…” James frowned in disbelief giving Lily a worried look.




He had to turn it off. All his feelings and emotions had to be gone. If this mission was going to work he needed to shut it all off.  Every memory every attachment had to be severed now. It would be too painful to hold onto all of it with her only four inches away. Breathing in deeply he saw Lily giving him a tentative smile. Weakly he returned it. This wasn’t the time for a Lily Evans heart to heart. If she wanted to see what was wrong with him she would be waiting for a long time. 



Peter twisted in his chair to at Sirius, “What did Dumbledore tell you?”

“That …ah that I’m working with Paxton.”

Emmeline make a sound of disgust. “I’m sorry Sirius. That sucks.”

Sirius gave her an odd look and lied, “It’s not that bad.”

“I don’t know how you are going to deal with it…She’s so full of herself.  Like it’s a privilege for us to have someone like her to give us help.” She scoffed leaning back in her chair and frowning.

Lily sighed with a torn look on her face, “I have to disagree with you there Em. I think she joined the order to actually help.”

“Lily you’re only saying that.” Emmeline mumbled throwing Lily’s comment out, “You like to see the best in everybody.”

Dorcas raised her nose in agreement. “Yeah she’s really stuck up. Would it kill her to talk to us? We only have to trust her with our lives!”

“She’s a good person,” Alice commented quietly, “She’s just reserved.”

“I don’t like her.” Emmeline declared pursing her lips for effect.



Sirius glanced over and held his tongue. His instinct was to defend her but he couldn’t do that anymore.  Emmeline was a judgmental person.  She was five foot seven with dark raven hair, electric blue eyes and endless legs. At one point Sirius had snogged her put he now remembered cutting it off because of nasty comments she made about a female friend of his. Alice, half-nestled in her husband’s chest was visibly disappointed. Her straight black hair was parted to the side, her thin eyebrows shifted downward as her dark grey eyes filled with distress.  Dorcas’s chair was so close to Emmeline’s, her long blonde hair flowed down on Emmeline’s shoulder.  Rick, who was listening closely from James’s side cleared his throat. His curly dark brown hair stuck up in the back and his voice was low but jagged.



“I don’t think you give her a chance.” Rick told her honestly, “She’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“Then why won’t she talk to us?” Dorcas challenged again. “We don’t bite!”

He smiled at her sarcastically, “Well with your high opinion of her I can’t see why not.”

Alice nodded, “Seriously did you two ever consider why she’s so guarded? She was disowned for a reason.”

Who says they didn’t have the right idea about her?” Dorcas responded quickly.

“So let me get this straight,” Lily began with a wary smile, “You think that if Death Eater’s don’t want her she must be more evil?”

Emmeline let out a long exaggerated sigh. “That’s not what she’s saying! She’s saying that just because she’s in the order doesn’t mean we should trust her. Nobody knows precisely why she was disowned. Maybe she didn’t chose to be good, maybe she was forced to be a double.”

“Okay that’s enough.” James interjected sending them a dirty look. “Whether she’s satan or not doesn’t matter. Dumbledore trusts her and that’s enough for me. That should be enough for the both of you too.”



They all fell into silence before Dumbledore himself walked in.  Sirius allowed his gaze to drop. The last thing he needed was a searing look from Dumbledore to get him thinking. For the next few minutes he zoned out. All he could see was her face and then he really did see it. She looked livid but he could tell she was trying to hide it. His eyes dropped again to the table and he didn’t listen until he heard his name called.  She rose the same time he did and they walked to the entrance room. Seeing her walk towards him looking empty and lifeless broke what was left of his heart.



He cleared his throat and tried to focus on the task at hand. "We have to break into Malfoy's House."

She unconsciously bit her bottom lip, "And do what?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows in bewilderment at how simple the task was. "We have to get the ingredient's to make a polyjuice potion."

"So DNA....I guess we could grab her brush and his...." She scowled making her face scrunch up adorably, "What would we get of his?"

He shrugged and tried to seem indifferent, "We can figure it out when we get there."

She nodded again and crossed her arms over her chest. "We should go then."

"Um...Yeah...." He offered lamely.

"I ah..."

The anxiety of what she could say made his heart jump into his throat, "What?"

She lifted her lower lip over my teeth and starred at her small feet furiously. "I don't know where they live."

"Oh..." He frowned hating and loving the thought of her having to touch his skin, "You could side along apparate with me."




They walked outside and he moved his arm out a fraction of an inch out cautiously for her to grab onto. Her black wide eyes looked into his searching for something but Sirius was determined to not give it to her. That seemed the right response because she quickly wrapped her small arm around his elbow. For one moment he masochistically let himself enjoy how close she was to him. Then he got a grip and apparated them to the Malfoy’s.

Authors Note:

I'm exhausted. That took me five days to re-write (my computer deleted the first version). For the love of everything Harry Potter PLEEEEEEEEASE REVIEW! I can't tell you how much i look forward to them...It's a bit sad really. I did not edit this so if there's a mistake I appologize. THANK YOU FOR READING! And I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving break.

Chapter 14: Up Against a Wall
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

I was trapped. Regulus hadn’t arrived yet so I was alone. I didn’t mind until the boys started drinking and drooling on anything in a dress. Protectively, I crossed my arms around my chest and sat in between Mim and my father. She put her long slender arm around me and squeezed my shoulder as I leaned against her silky silver shawl. Always the conservative, Mim wore an elegant but plain black dress. High necklines and no hint of sex appeal was her style. Most 50 something pureblooded women knew their place but tried to wear designer clothes. She followed that example to the tee. I on the other hand wore an expensive handmade dark olive dress. The dress itself was tight but it fit me a little too well. It was backless with a swooping neckline and no sleeves. I would have actually liked the dress if it wasn’t an inch and a half above my knee. Another inch and I could have sued my mother for false advertisement. I would have won too... My mother had yet to understand that just because she wore scandalous dresses at fifteen didn’t mean I should be granted the same privilege. Twice that night I had to roughly push a drunk Rastaban off me without any help. His brother was too busy screwing some waitress to keep his brother off of his girlfriend. I could sue my mother for wrongful advertisement but she wasn’t worth the paperwork.



Sighing I glanced around the room. Everyone my age was either drunk or snogging each other in one of the several dark corners. I wouldn’t have minded the second but I didn’t feel like snogging any of the guys in attendance. They were all too vile or too drunk to be worth getting up for. I looked at my mother emptily and saw her talking to Mrs. Lestrange. Her lengthy black hair was swept up in a tight bun and her gorgeous face was pale from the pounds of useless make up she had applied. My father sat perfectly straight with his hand calmly around the small in my mother’s back. His pale blue eyes were blank as he listened to Mr. Nott talk about some new ministry policy. He held no emotion in his square face as he occasionally made quick but quiet replies to Mr. Nott. He didn’t say much but then again he never really did. My mother discussed some news with Mrs. Lestrange freely until Mr. Nott interjected his own thoughts. Then it was as if a switch were hit. She fell silent and listened without any comment. He wasn’t necessarily disagreeing with her but he wasn’t giving her any positive feedback either. She didn’t refute anything. Like the model pureblood wife she said nothing and let him boost his own ideas instead of contributing any more of her own. I wanted to slap her but I just scowled. No one noticed. After a few minutes my mother saw me sitting and the little crease between her eyebrows appeared.



“Juliette? Why aren’t you with your friends?”

Because the two friends that are here are drunk of their asses.

Mim answered for me, clutching me closer to her for affect, “Can’t she spend time with her dear grandmother in the last few years she has?”

Thank Merlin for Mim.

My mother rolled her eyes. “Mum you receive a full bill of health every trip to St. Mungos.”

“You never know what could happen.”


I could sense my mother’s fury at my lack of social grace but in the presence of other’s she put on a wary smile and moved on. Mim winked at me and hugged her tighter.



“How are you bebe?” She asked me as she gently stroked my hair out of my face.

I smiled up at her softly. “I’m fine, how are you?”

“Just glorious,” She looked and checked over to see if my parents were listening. “Your brother owled me today. He got a job with the Daily Prophet.”

“Oh,” I nodded politely. “That’s nice.”

“Would it kill you to care?"
I sighed indifferently. “It’s not that I don’t care…Actually I take that back I don’t care. I’m sorry Mim but I haven’t seen him since my thirteenth birthday and I haven’t heard from him since last Christmas. Some siblings are close me and Nik just …aren’t. We are too different. Sure as kids we were close but we’ve changed.... I’m sorry Mim.”

Mim nodded with a sad smile. “Maybe that will change one day.

“Yeah,” I lied with false hope, “Maybe.”



We stayed quiet for awhile and I started to feel bad. She was always in an awkward place. Mim loved Nik but she couldn’t openly defy his unofficial disownment and openly accepted him. The pureblood in her would always keep her from him. I tried to picture his face in my mind but I wasn’t able to. It had been too long. Biting my lip I looked around the room and saw Regulus. I jumped to my feet and rushed over to him. His parents and brother were a few feet behind him but I paid them no attention. My soul focus was the handsome boy in front of me. I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly, much to his delight.




“Don’t ever be late for a party again!"

He laughed brandishing his perfect teeth. “I won’t!” Regulus hugged me tightly, “Where’s everyone?”

“Let’s see,” I started pulling away and pursing my lips, “Taylor’s drunk, Parker is sick, Lestrange is…indisposed, Nott is snogging, Angie is snogging, Avery is M.I.A, Malfoy is with Narcissa in the drawing room and your little girlfriend was here just a moment ago…”

Regulus gave me a dirty look and shook his head. “She’s not my girlfriend…”

“Yeah,” I scoffed, “Because you won’t give her a second glance. Why is that sparky? Too good for little miss pink?”

“Pretty much.”


I laughed and watched his father shake my father’s hand. They were the same brand, not too talkative but menacing creatures all the same. His mother on the other hand was nothing like my own. Mrs. Black was short, pale and almost anorexic. Her black hair was chin length and her caramel brown eyes were oddly cold for the natural warmth the color gave off. I didn’t look at them too long. My parents may have been in a loveless marriage but they were cordial. It was a known fact that the Black family was one big fight. Mr. Black fighting with Mrs. Black, Regulus fighting with Sirius, there was hardly a time when they weren’t arguing amongst themselves. I glanced over at Regulus’s brother. He stood in the corner furiously. His eye was bruised and he had a cup of Firewiskey in his hand.


“Your brother looks pissed.”

Regulus scowled, “Yeah…He usually does.”

“Let me guess he doesn’t want to be here?”

“Understatement of the year,” He breathed under his breath so only I could hear it.

I hugged him I leaned against his shoulder with a sigh. “You know that’s gonna be us.”

He turned to see at what I was seeing and laughed at the old arguing couple I pointed out. “Oh yeah that’s us alright."

“Come on! Don’t you see it?!” I teased him easily resting my head on his arm.

He ruffled my hair mockingly, “Completely!”

“Are you saying you can’t see us married in fifty years?”

“To each other?!” His voice cracked but I could tell it wasn’t because he was opposed to the statement.

“Do you mind?”

Regulus rolled his eyes dryly. “Just a bit.”

“KIDS!” A fat little man shouted in the middle of the ballroom. “Kids! Come to the center. Picture time!”


Sirius sulked off somewhere as I grabbed Regulus’s hand and dragged him to the plump little man. Everyone seemed to emerge for the occasion. Nott pulled me into the center and wrapped his arm around me. Regulus got on my other side and wrapped his arm around my waist. Malfoy was on his right side with his arms wrapped around Narcissa. Taylor and Connor were next to them and Bellatrix managed to slink in with Avery and Yaxley next to Nott. Before the tiny man could take the picture Lestrange jumped next to Connor and tossed his arm around Connors shoulder.



“Say Cheese!”

“NO!” We laughed in unison.

“One more shot. Try to be more fun…in this one.” I couldn’t help but laugh. The man looked like he had never seen a fun thing in his life. Before I could share this thought with anyone though Lestrange rushed over and picked me up bridal style. Shocked I glued my arms to his neck as all the men followed the suite. I could hear the adults chuckling at the spectacle from their tables.


“One…two …three-“ The man called loudly.




Lestrange put me down and I felt my mother’s approving gaze on me. Disgust filled me. Lestrange lowered me and kissed me hard. I didn’t fight it; I just let it happen and kind of hated myself for it.




The instant my feet hit the grass I let go off his arm and went to the gate. I didn’t look at him. I just took out my wand and unlocked the thick three inch lock. I would have just used my wand but I wanted to make sure I didn’t set off some kind of silent alarm. Once I heard the lock click open I pushed it open and walked through it. I didn’t wait for him. I knew he would follow. We went to the back of the massive manor to where Lucius’s room was when he was a child. No one would use it now. The instant his parent’s died Malfoy took over the estate and moved back in with Narcissa. My knowledge of their years together after Hogwarts didn’t extend much farther than that. I grabbed grippers from my back pocket and threw him my spare pair. He looked confused on how to use them but I knew he would never ask me. So I just tucked my hair inside of my black camouflage hoodie and slid my hands through the grippers hands. Then I backed away a few feet away from the house before running at it full speed and going up the wall. Invisible sticky strings attached to the wall in front of me and held me in place. When I moved up they extended up the wall and stuck to the wall above me. It was like a wizard’s version of a spider web and I loved it. Reaching the window I magically opened it and sit on the ledge. Down below his mouth was ajar.



“Come on!”

He did exactly what I did but looked unsure as he was walking up. “What if I fall?!”

“You’ll just hang upside down. Unless you let go then you fall.”



We said nothing else to each other. Maybe it was his determination to get this mission over with or his ruthlessness to not be worse than me at something but Sirius made it up the wall quickly. In training it took me a few tries to get good at using grippers I couldn’t see to get over the fact that I couldn’t see what was holding me up. He just did it on his first try. One trait I always admired about him was just what a fast learner he was. Just watching me do something and he could do the same thing. I never could do that. Though I do have a somewhat photographic memory I’m not as adaptable as him in new situations. I envy that about him. Shaking my head, I actively stop thinking about him.

I started letting my mind govern me less and rely on my senses. My ears were on alert for any suspicious sound. My eyes scanned the room. It was perfectly clean despite its obvious lack of use. I was taken aback by the size of it. My entire flat wasn’t half the size of this room. He had Slythern colors on every corner. Books, magazines, clothes were took up a library size book shelf and he had the largest rug I’d ever seen in the center. Then it hit me. All of my friends had rooms this size when I was growing up. Mine wasn’t as big as his but it wasn’t as small as my room now. In the corner of my eye I saw a picture and went towards it. I don’t know what possessed me to do so but I just had to go near it. It wasn’t until I saw my own giggling face that I understood why.



Lestrange was holding me bridal style and I was hanging onto his neck tightly for fear of death. I wondered why he kept this picture until I saw everyone else. We all looked so happy and…together. Everyone was coupled off and the two who looked completely in love were Lucius and Narcissa. A surge of jealously weaved through me as I forced myself to turn away and leave the room. He was waiting in the hallway he was about to ask what took me when he stopped himself. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t anymore. It hurt too much. The image of two people fall in love and stay in love successfully was too much for me to handle. Especially with the only man I ever loved a foot away me. Tightening my jaw, I pulled out my wand and focused on everything but him. Lucius and Narcissa were supposed to be out at a pureblood society function leaving the house to us. Turning the corner I felt myself slip into the very memories I had been fighting years to forget.




“Juliette,” My father whispered menacingly. “Shut the door all the way.”


I felt the goose bumps on my arm emerge as I closed the door as instructed. I didn’t say anything. I was probably in trouble for something I didn’t even remember doing. I was used to getting lectured for stupid useless things. He could tell me how awful I was and try to belittle me but I didn’t care. I was so far from caring what he thought about me. I was going to get out.  Get a job, a flat with Sirius and a life free from all of this. No more little white gloves.



“What do you think you’re doing?”

I starred at him stupidly, “Standing here?”

He closed his eyes, incensed by answer. “What do you think you’re doing with Sirius Black?”

My throat tightened but I forced myself to stare back at him. “I don’t know what you’re-“

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” He roared standing up suddenly. My eyes widened and I took an unsure step back.

“I’m not…”

“Bellatrix told me the truth.”

I gritted my teeth. “Oh she did did she?”

“What do you think you’re doing?” He repeated this time more controlled. “You think I’m going to allow you to see this boy? Did you really think you were going to get away with this?”

“He’s more than just a boy.” I reached into my pocket and slipped the ring from inside it on my left index finger.

I’d never seen anyone so angry in my life. He started shaking. “Juliette…You are never to see this boy again….”

“I’m sorry,” I told him indifferently, “But I’m afraid you’re wrong. I’ve already made the commitment.”

“Engagements are broken all the time. Especially to worthless blood traitors!”

I moved for the door. “I’m sorry father but I’m not giving in this time.”




I dropped to the floor and withered in pain. As my bones were set on fire I screamed out in agony. He stood above me, his expression was maddened. He took the spell off and I was left on the floor, sticky from my own blood.



“Juliette you will break this engagement and marry your betrothed Rudolphus.”

I stared up at him through watery eyes, “We’re not just engaged.”



I could have lied and I should have but I didn’t. He knew exactly what I meant and he completely let go. All the years he wished he could beat me as freely as he wished were unleashed in this moment. Until I was barely breathing, laying on the cold floor in a pool of my own blood. I heard someone’s screaming and it took awhile before I understood it was me. I knew I was alone and that no one would find me in time to save me. Crying hysterically I’d never felt so helpless in my entire life. I started uncontrollably convulsing as I spit up blood. My ears picked up familiar voices but they sounded too far away for me to know who they were. Then I felt a rush of air and movement. I couldn’t handle being moved. The torture increased and I found myself wishing I were dead. Then I was in a hospital bed.



A voice asked, “How long has she been pregnant?” And I passed out.




“This isn’t right,” Sirius whispered as we rounded yet another corner.

I paused and faced him, “What do you mean?”

“We should have run into a house elf by now.” He explained logically.

“Where did it say they were?”

He pulled out the paper and read, “The Nott’s Annual Pureblood Ball.”

My eyes widened in fear, “That’s always in January.”

“Very smart Jules.” A slimy voice sneered behind me, “Too bad you didn’t figure that out before you climbed through the window.”

I turned to find Malfoy looking at me. “Lucius, what do we owe the pleasure?”

Several death eaters surrounded us and he smirked. “Oh I believe the pleasure is all ours."
“….fuck…” I scoffed under my breath as Sirius was pushed to my side.


Lucius flicked his wand and my hands tied behind my back. I saw he did the same to Sirius and frowned. We followed Malfoy down to the dungeons and stopped as he unlocked the door. For just a second our eyes locked. Our guard’s were down and I saw everything; his pain, his love for me, his anguish over loosing me. I was shocked by the intensity of it. I knew he loved me but to what depth I never knew. My eyes watered and I wanted more than anything to go to him. I never got the chance. We were thrown down against the stone wall hard and the last thing we saw was Bellatrix’s leering face before she slammed the door shut.


I laughed to myself bitterly, “If we make it through this. I’m beating the shit out of her.”

Authors Note:

Thank you for reading! I probably will update again this week. Incase I don't Happy Christmas! PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 15: All The Right Moves
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Blood. Blood on my hands. Blood on my clothes. Blood on my skin. Blood on my heart. My hair was a mess, my face was all scratched up and my clothes were ripped. I didn’t care about me. I held his limp hand as he was carted down the hall fast.  I wouldn’t let go. Not again. We were close to the operation room doors, the fear of losing him for good made me start to shake. One of the assistant healers looked at me concernedly but I barely noticed. Once we reached the doors I felt tears roll down my cheeks until my vision became blurred. I tightened my grip on his hand but it was ripped out of my hands as he was wheeled through the excruciating white doors.



The taller stern Spanish woman came towards me, “Miss he’s going to need emergency surgery. Are you next of kin?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Are you a relative, spouse or down as Mr. Black’s emergency contact person? We need permission to operate.”

“Well you have it…” I stammered clenching my eyes shut in anguish. 
I’m his wife.”

Eight Hours Earlier….



I sat up and sighed. The moment had passed. We were back to where we started. In just a second he had let his guard down but I could tell just from his breathing it was back up. I didn’t test that theory. We hadn’t really spoken in years I wasn’t going to grow a pair and start a conversation about us. I frowned and tried to sit up. My hands were tied behind my back so I shimmied up the wall into a sitting position. He did the same and looked anywhere but at me. We stayed like that for hours. Staring in opposite directions, not saying a word to one another we formed a silent pact to stick it out. I held my end up poorly. He was a few inches away from me. All the things I wanted to say…All the things I wanted to know were just lingering on the tip of my tongue wishing to get out. I stubbornly held my tongue back and refocused on the situation.

No windows, no outlet. Fuck. The door was triple bolted so unless I managed to get my wand back or build a hundred pounds of muscle ….I then began to explore the possibility of overpower our captors and simply walking out. Chances? Not even slim to none. Bound by magical chains, wandless and outnumbered we were screwed. I didn’t even hope to be rescued. No one would notice our absence until the next morning and even then they wouldn’t know how to help us. It was easy to break into someones house. It wasn't so easy to save two people from in the inside of it when there were an unknown number of Death Eater's lingering inside.



I chewed the side of lip irritated by our predicament. Out of all the people I had to die with why him? I could have tolerated Pettigrew. A simple kick to the face and he would have shut up leaving me to deal with the dilemma alone as god intended. Sirius wouldn’t take that. Not only would he be able to stop me from kicking him in the face but he would never let me be the hero. Oh no, Sirius Black couldn’t possibly let me handle this. He would have to contribute something of his own accord. Pettigrew would follow orders aimlessly Sirius wouldn’t. Plus I wouldn’t have to deal with my past, which therefore wouldn’t cloud my judgment and enable me to think correctly. The Renee in my head sighed at me, “Sadly you’re not stuck with wimpy Pettigrew.”  

I glanced over at him and regretted it. The cold, callous nature of his expression frightened me. Though I probably did my own part in damaging him I never thought I’d see the day when he wouldn’t be able to crack a joke or smile. His seemingly unfeeling deposition made a wave of depression over to me. Surely I couldn’t have done this to him. Yes, I was the one that was forced to let him go but how long did it take him to start chasing every girl in site? He couldn’t have been that broken up about it to cause internal damage.



This was going to be a long night.


I was about to close my eyes when the fear started trickling down my spine. Fear was a fickle a bitter thing. It catches up to you just when you think you’re beyond being scared. I didn’t recognize it at first. It didn’t happen like an instinctual fear. Instead it snuck up on me and started making me anxious and nervous. What if this was it? All the training, all the bullshit, to die right in front of the man I love without him knowing I still love him seemed …possible. To die in an ironic twist of fate would fit my life story. I fell in love with my enemy only to become the enemy. Gave my life for the man I loved to prove my commitment and loyalty only to have him not know it now when I die. I wanted to see a way of this but as time went on my optimism failed. I wanted to say it. To explain everything so that even if he hated me to my core for what I did he would at least know me for what I am and not for what I was. When the fear came I couldn’t bear to make myself think little of him because no matter what perspective i saw him through the fact was, I loved him. In the deepest essence of my bones I knew it. I loved each and everything about him. His flaws, his qualities, all of it. He may have changed but I still saw through him. He was the same boy who would have given up anything for me in a moment’s notice. The problem was he didn’t know that I was the girl who would always give up everything for him.



I leaned against the wall and felt like crying. Why couldn’t I say it?




I turned and looked at him softly. “Yeah?”

“Why did you become an Auror?...” His voice was undemanding and faint,  “You always made fun of me when I said I was thinking about it. So why did you?”

I considered the question thoughtfully. Then I figured what did I have left to lose? “I was waitressing and the cheesy dinner for minimum wage….I had no family left, no real friends and Parker came by to see me one day at work. We were talking and he pointed out a flyer on the wall that said ‘apply now for training’…Something in me made me try it. I was always fast with quick reflexes but I’d never been much of a fighter. So I tried it. Every test I became more determined and confident in myself until I passed the training….” I dropped my gaze, “I was the first woman to complete the entire program…Alice failed a portion otherwise she would have been.”

“Are you good?”

I shrugged, “I’m alright.”

“If you were just alright Dumbledore wouldn’t have recruited you.”

“Thanks," I blushed slightly embarrased,"…I shouldn’t have been surprised that you were.” I commented to him innocently.

His tone dimmed slightly. “But you were.”

“Not because of your skill or ability…I just…” I stared at my knee, “I never thought I would see you again.”

“Well I’m sorry.”

I twisted back to face him. “I’m not.”

“You seem too.”

“…I don’t like to show …I feel uncomfortable.” I admitted honestly,  “Our…history I suppose is complicated and …I know you don’t particularly like me.”

His face loosened faintly as starred at me. “Well…That’s complicated too.”

“I know.”


Then there was silence. My heart was hammering in my chest as I began to feel my grip on my own self control loosening as memories raced through me. All the moments we’d spent together. We’d come full circle back to the way we started off, strangers with only assumptions about one another. I must seem like a cold robotic working stiff compared to who I once was. When were together I was reckless, fearless and completely careless. Saturday nights I would be more likely dancing on a table top with total strangers then doing word searches alone. I’d done a complete 180 but he seemed the same. I heard Potter joking about all his girlfriends and I knew he lived off his inheritance from his uncle but beyond that his life didn’t radically change. At least not like mine which forced me to ask if ever really loved me to begin with. Questions were smarming around in my brain until I couldn’t take it anymore.



“Sirius …” I whispered quietly glancing away from him. “Why did you kiss her?”


I shook my head and grimaced. “Nothing…Nevermind.” I hated myself for even mentioning it.

“I think you’re referring to Evangeline but I don’t see what that matter’s. You’re the one who left me remember.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed darkly. “That’s exactly how it happened.”

“Fine then Jules.” He glared at me, “Why don’t you tell me what happened? Because for the past few years I’ve been wondering what the hell happened and can’t seem to understand how my wife-“

I grimaced at the word.

He gritted his teeth. “How my wife could break my heart, become engaged to …my own brother …and not even say a word to me about any of it.”

“What?” I turned quickly, “I was never engaged to Regulus.”

Surprise fitted his face. “What?”

“Who told you that?”

He looked murderous. “Bellatrix.

“Well that explains it doesn’t?”

“But….” He furrowed his eyebrows. “You weren’t there….”

I scoffed again, “Yeah because I was in the hospital bleeding to death.” The words slipped out of my lips before I could even process what I was saying.

His face dropped and he came closer to me. “What?!”


“Oh no no no no. What did you mean?”

I moved away from him. I couldn’t bare it. How could I have just let that slip?! Was I crazy? “Nothing.”

He wasn’t going to let this go. “Jules!”

“Just let it go!” I shouted furiously, “You didn’t give a shit then so don’t pretend you give a shit now!”


Another silence lingered between us as I refused to look at him. I knew it wouldn’t last. He wasn’t one to let things go. At least not when they were within arms reach.


He moved over and lowered his face so I was forced to look at him. “Okay maybe you weren’t engaged but you never replied to any of my owls. You owe me an explanation.“

“I don’t owe you anything! You never spent me any owls because you never cared!”

“Never cared?” The intensity of his tone was so strong I felt myself falter. “Never….” He began to shake as he moved back to where he was sitting, “You almost killed me.”

“I almost killed you?” My voice shook with anger. “Do you have any idea….Of course you don’t!”

“WHAT? Oh no please elaborate on just how you could have done what you did!”

I was furious, “You want to know what happened to me? YOU HAPPENED TO ME! I didn’t ever give a shit until you! Then after five months with you I gave up my family, my friends, everything for you for what?! Bellatrix told my father about us. If you did send some letters I never got them because my mother intercepted all of them. “ I noticed I was shouting but I didn’t stop, “My father called me into his den and told me that I would never see you again. I showed him I was engaged he said he didn’t care and that it could be broken easily. I said no and he beat me until I laying on the floor in a pool of my own blood.” I glared at him. “When I got out of the hospital I was disowned from everything. The first week they just fazed me out then they began to beat me.” My glared intensified. “And my father told me if I ever spoke to you again he’d kill you and considering what he did to me I obliged….” I frowned, “Then I saw you with Evangeline…That shanky whore…And the next week I saw you snogging every whore in sight..Never the same one either…I finished the term and thought I’d never see you again.”

His face was blank and he said nothing.

“So when you think I was the one that broke your heart. Think again. You seem just fine to me.”



I lied. He looked destroyed. I tried to be the cold and unfeeling thing he thought me to be and think he was awful. That didn’t suffer but his eyes betrayed me.



“I went for you.” He muttered almost under his breath, “I went to the Slythern compartment and couldn’t find you. That’s when I ran into Bellatrix. I broke into your house and searched for any trace of you and found nothing. I practically slept outside the Slythern come room trying to get information out of that friend of yours. I sent you letter after letter and when I did see you in school I got a letter in your handwriting telling me to leave you alone. So never say I gave up on you,” He shifted his weight to draw attention to the chain around his neck. Through the shirt I saw the outline of a ring and my jaw dropped, “Because I never did.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this.  “I thought…”

“Well you thought wrong didn’t you?” He sighed, “I understand why you did it…but after everything why didn’t you fight?”

“I was pregnant."

His breathing became sharp and ragged as his eyes began to water with rage.

My voice grew soft, “Before you yell at me about not telling you. I didn’t know until they told me i…” I never finished the sentence. I couldn’t.


Tears welled up in my eyes and for once I let them fall. I was tired of lying, tired of hiding the truth from everyone, including myself. And for the first time since I left Hogwarts, I cried. It wasn’t sobbing or hysterical crying but it was tears none the less.



“How far along were you?”

“I don’t know…They never said.”

He came over to me, “I…” His voice shook and I saw how sorry he was, every fiber of it was on the surface of his watering eyes.

“You couldn’t have known.” I told him as he drew closer. I put my head on his chest.

“I was so stupid.”


He rested his forehead on mine and smiled sadly. “To think you would just leave without a good reason.”

I lifted my head and raised my lips. His expression changed from light joking to sincere longing. I knew what was going to happen. I felt it growing in my stomach and rise up in my chest. Everything was in that moment. 

“Didn’t I break you two up already?”

And then the bitch came…



I tightened my jaw so suddenly a jolt of pain echoed through my mouth. I wanted to break her limb from limb. Every fiber being of me hated her and yet I had to give it to her. She was clever. Only a cleverly constructed plan would have separated me and Sirius.



“He wants to see you,” She smiled at us evilly, “Both of you actually.”

Authors Note:

Thank you for all the reviews you have no idea how much it means to me! THANK YOU FOR READING! I hope you liked this chapter. I'm about to move onto writing the next one! PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter Eleven:    Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1
    By: The Flaming Lips
Chapter Twelve:    Learning to Breathe      By: Switchfoot
Chapter Thriteen:   Everything We Had     By: The Academy Is...
Chapter Fourteen:   Up Against A Wall     By: Boys Like Girls
Chapter Fifteen:     All the Right Moves      By: OneRepublic

Chapter 16: Loosing All Control
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Breathe Juliette Paxton. Just breathe. I told myself nervously as I changed into my gown.

It was March 28th 1978, my wedding day.
..Merlin help me.


I bit my lip and eyed myself in the mirror. I tried to the best of my ability to make myself look pretty. I put on make up, did my hair. I should look gorgeous on my wedding day. I should have all my friends fixing and fluffy my dress while all I have to do is focus on staying calm. All I had was Parker and he didn’t know shit about how girls became pretty.


He patted me on the shoulder, “How you feeling girlie?”

I breathed out slowly and nodded nervously. “You know…nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“Let see.” I laughed half heartedly as I sat down. “I’m in the church minister’s office with my best friend. Who refuses to say anything but, ‘You look fine.’ Which let me tell you does the opposite of reassuring me…I’m supposed to look stunning not …alright.”

He sighed with a smile as he grabbed my hand sincerely. “You look nice Jules.”

“Thanks,” I rolled my eyes at his attempt.

“Is anyone from his side here?”

My smile dropped. “No.”

His grip on my hand increased as sympathy shined through his eyes. “It’ll work out. Trust me.”

“What if they all hate me when they find out?” I whispered shyly.

“How could anyone hate you?”

I gave him a look. “I’m sure a Slythern who has been best friends with Death Eaters since she was born isn’t the best match for their best friend.”

“Don’t worry about it. They’ll love you.” He reassured me softly, “Once they see how much you love each other they will welcome you with welcome arms.”

“And if they don’t?”

“I’ll beat them up for you,” Parker grinned teasingly, “Come on since when do you care what people think of you?”

I shrugged timidly, “I just don’t want them all to hate me.”

“They won’t. He won’t let them.”

I smiled brightly at Parker before pulling him into a hug, “Thanks Parker. You’ve been more than supportive.”

“Anytime Baby girl.”

“What time do we have to be out there?”

He checked his watch, “Five minutes.”

My whole body tensed up. What if he ran out? What if he said he didn’t want to marry me? What if my father came in and stopped us? My palms started getting really sweaty as I started keeping time with my heel.

“Hey,” He grabbed my shoulders, “You’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen. I’m your maid of honor for a reason.”

I nodded anxiously. “Yeah because you’re the only one of us that would look worse than me in a dress.”

Parker’s wide smile returned. “There she is! Now come on perk up! Do you think I would let just anyone marry you? He’s going to make you happy.”

“Yeah if he shows up...” I muttered tensely peering over to see the face of his watch.

He clamped a hand over his watch. “I’m going to go talk to him. Would that make you feel better?”

I numbly bobbed my head.



Parker kissed my forehead and walked out. I heard him talking through the door and my heart leapt as I recognized who he was talking to. Unable to stop myself I sprinted over to the crease between the door and the wall. Peeking through it my face broke out into a grin of relief. He was here! I tried to control my breathing until I could hear what they were saying.



Sirius snorted, “So how is she?”

“A nervous wreck.” Parker admitted rolling his eyes. “She’ll be alright.”

“She thinks I’m going to bolt doesn’t she?” He mumbled disappointedly.

Parker shrugged, “She just needs to calm down.”

Sirius let out a heavy breath before running a hand through his hair and shifting his weight.

“I guess she’s not the only one.” Parker remarked vaguely.

“Well,” Sirius blushed sheepishly, “You know…”

“Can I ask you something?”


Parker’s face became abruptly serious. “You know what will happen if you break your heart right?”

“I have to deal with you.”

“As long as that’s clear," His eyes shot down to his watch and he patted Sirius hard on the back, "It's time. Good luck and ...remember what I said."

Sirius's jaw tightened as he elevated his face to Parker's. "I will."

"Good." Parker waved down the minister before heading for me.

I sat down and closed the door. It was okay. I could do this.

The door swung open and he came in, his face examining me carefully. "You ready?"



I rose from my chair and grabbed the bottom of my dress off as I traveled to the door. The mirror stopped me as I waited for the wedding march to begin. My naturally tan face was blemish less with subtle eyeliner, mascara and eye shadow around my eyes. My normal black straight hair was wavy and soft on either sides of my collarbone. I felt like I was going to faint.



Then it started.



My knees were shaking and I wasn't sure I could walk a straight line. Flowers were handed to me. Probably from Parker but I was too out of it to recognize that. I determinedly starred at the carpet and the criss-cross black heels I wore under my dress. I didn't say anything I couldn't. I was having a silent panic attack and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Why was I doing this? My friends would never speak to me again. My family would hate me and probably send me away. Parker took my arm and began to lead me out into the church. The charcoal typical church carpet moved so fast from beneath me i began to get dizzy. I opted for raising my eyes to the seats around me. Rows of golden polished wood seats remained vacant as I passed by them giving me a hollow feeling. No one was here. Miserable at the thought i directed my eyes back on my feet.



"Hey," Parker whispered into my ear, "Why don't you look up?"

"Because," I whimpered back pathetically, "I'll fall."

He snorted under his breath at how stupid i sounded. "I promise i'll catch you."

"If I fall...I'm taking off these heels and beat you with them," I vowed quietly.

"Jules look up. He can't his eyes off of you."



Rolling my eyes I expected to meet Sirius's glance. What i didn't expect was how he'd be looking at me. The admiration and affection pounding in his grey orbs was unbreakable. He looked so handsome and all he did was put on a suit. His glossy black hair was wavy, his pale skin made his eyes pop. That was the moment i was absolutely sure i was doing the right thing. My doubts faded and i felt my cheeks blush at his gaze. I loved him. I beamed and followed Parker the final few steps.



"Who gives away this woman?" The minister asked aloud.

"I do," Parker answered taking my hand from around his arm, kissing it and giving it to Sirius.
"Alright then," The minister cleared his throat, survayed us over his overly large glasses and continued, "We gathered together here in the family to celebrate the love which Bride and Groom have for each other, to give social recognition to their decision to commit their lives and accept each other completely, to learn how to help and understand each other, to build a family, and together, to travel through life."

He took a breath as he continued in his little irish accent, "If any of you has anything to say that might change their minds… they… don’t want to hear it."

We laughed at his bluntness.

"However, they do want to hear from you that you are their family, and will always support and encourage them as they discover the commitment and dedication needed to make marriage work. And that is why you are here today."

"So Bride and Groom, please focus your attention on one another and also answer my questions.."

"Juliette," He adressed me, "Do you take Sirius to be your wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with him, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?"

My eyes floated up to Sirius's, my voice shook with happiness, "I do." He glowed.

"Sirius," He turned, "Do you take Juliette to be your wedded wife, to share your life openly, standing with her, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?"

My throat clamped up in those three seconds before he answered. "Yes, I do," He vowed clearly.

"Before you exchange rings and vows, I’d like to remind you what the Bible has to say about love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

The minister chuckled slightly, "Maid of honor the rings please."

A gentle quiet hummed in the church as candles flickered and Parker placed my wedding ring in Sirius's and his in mine. "Sirius as you place this ring on Juliette's hand, please repeat after me...'

"I take you, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part," He recited perfectly.

Sirius's eyes bore into mine, "Jules, I take you to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish. Till death us do part."

It was my turn. The minister faced me,"Juliette as you place this ring on Groom’s hand, please repeat after me .."

"I take you Groom to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

"I take you Sirius to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

"Bride and Groom,

You were born together and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. "

 He smiled at us brightly his large glasses shinned in the light. " You may kiss your bride. "

Sirius didn't need to be told twice, he took me by the back of my waist and cupped my face and gently brushed his lips against mine. He pulled away, his voice so warm and soft, "I love you Juliette Black."

I grinned, "I'm keeping my name Sirius."



The hallway was darker and colder than I remembered it being just a few hours before. My bones began to feel heavier and my eyelids throbbed from overuse. I followed Bellatrix thoughtlessly. We had no way out. Her wand was glued to her hand and if we were being taken to Voldemort there was nothing more we could do. My stomach growled but I ignored it. I didn’t have the strength to think about how long it had been since I had eaten anything. Everything felt irrelevant. I was in this odd haze. Blame it on my lack of sleep or food whatever it was it gave me something I’d be begging for for a long time. Clarity. Clarity is what made me see the truth: nothing mattered. We were going to die. I looked at him and felt tears slip down my cheeks. Merlin how I loved him. How he could make me weak with just a glance. A seemingly impossible task that he always mastered with such ease, I never understood how. He starred back with the same tears in his own eyes now. I started shaking as I cried harder and harder. Why had I been so stupid? I should have known he would have never give up. Not on us. We stopped at a heavy wooden black door near the end of the hallway. The stone walls and floors eerie disposition somehow gave me comfort.



“Wait out here,” Bellatrix ordered, “There’s no escape. So don’t even bother.”



I believed her and did as I was told though I wished nothing more than to throw sharp mini knives at her. So we stood and waited. The air around me was crowding me until I was unable to stay calm. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. No longer had I the ability to pretend that he meant nothing to me. No longer could I fight the urge to be near him. So I moved to him, my hands still chained behind my back.




My lips started trembling, “I love you…” I gulped involuntarily, “I always have.”



He pressed his cool forehead against mine. Our faces matched each other. Tear for tear. Heartache for heartache. I saw his shoulders slant forward. I could feel how much his arms yearned to hold me. Why had it come to this? I was only 20, he was only 21. How could we lose each other now? A loud clank sounded through the hall as I heard our chains break and fall to the floor. I didn’t pay attention to why or how. All I cared about was him. My eyes drifted down as I started crying harder and harder. He wrapped his left arm around my waist, pulled me closer and he tilted my face up to his eye level before brushing my tears away with the tips of his knuckles.  



Sirius squared his broad shoulders, his eyes just a few centimeters away from my own. His passionate grey eyes watered heavily but he remained serenely calm. “Jules.” He began surely, “I just want you to know-“

Don’t-!” I cried quietly putting a hand on his chest to stop him.

“Let me get this out.” He begged in a whisper, I wordlessly gave him permission. “I don’t regret anything. I don’t even regret our time apart because it showed me something.”

I hint of anger surfaced but I didn’t expose it. “What?”

“Because, I can't say that I loved all the fighting or being without you, but because of it, I found out exactly how much I love you.” He laughed coldly, “I thought I was fine…I was so stupid. So deep in denial. I thought if I went out with other girls but they were never enough. I tried getting a job and thought about moving but I just couldn’t. Then Dumbledore introduced me to you…” He gave me a broken smile. “And the hole in me that I’d been trying to replace with other things ached because I knew I’d never be truly be happy without you.” He let out a shaky breath as overwhelming sincerity shined in his eyes, “I tried to love or even like a hundred girls in the past three years and none of them fit the bill because none of them were you.”

And for the first time in three years I genuinely smiled.

“You are the most…” Sirius stopped as his voice got chocked up, “You are the most important thing in my life.”

“Even after all this time?”



His hand shot back to the back of my neck and yanked my face to his. I lost all my inhibitions. I pressed my entire body against the core of his and I threw my arms around his neck.  He snaked his hand behind my waist and lifted me off the ground as his other hand kept a firm grip on the back of my neck. Alive. Finally. Alive. We kissed so hard I forgot where I was and who I was.  It didn’t matter. Every nerve on my skin exploded at his touch. I felt seventeen again. I felt like I could breathe again. Like all these weeks, months and years I’d been suffocated and gagged and now I could exhale. Feverishly I closed my eyes and got more into the kiss, constricting my grip on him. Every kiss, every touch, echoes of every everything circling in the air around us. It gave me a surge of energy I didn’t know I could possess. He groaned hungrily as I kissed him harder. Within seconds he forced himself to break the kiss off, panting somewhat was he did so. His mouth was still ajar and we still held each other close as he starred into my eyes.



“I’ve missed those eyes.”

I gave a watery smile before burrowing my face into his chest and clamping my arms around his back. “Not as much as I’ve missed this.”

He laughed smugly as he rested his chin on the top of my head and stroked my hair gently.



I melted into his arms and clamped my eyes shut. That’s when the door opened.

My nails tore into Sirius’s back as he locked his arms around me. Someone pulled me away from him but it was no use I wasn’t going away from Sirius. I kicked them as hard as could and I could feel my foot break their bone.



“GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME! NO!” I shouted and screamed as I felt an arm slink around my waist and tug me away from Sirius.

“DEPRIMO!” A cold voice called and in an instant a hollowing wind sent us flying across the hall into the stone wall.
I groaned and tried to get up but my eyesight was fuzzy. The fierce wind had knocked the wind out of me. Two people grabbed me by my armpits and dragged me across the icy floor. I was too weak to fight them. When they dropped me to the floor I looked over my shoulder and saw Sirius take a punch to his stomach. I moved over and crawled towards the door with every bit of strength I had left. Bellatrix slammed the door shut and bolted it.
I sighed and kneeled still disoriented. “Okay …I get the picture. I’m going to die…but could you please stop being such-ah-bitch?!” I scoffed irritated at the charade.


A cold calculating laugh was louder than the rest and I was unsure why the tone seemed familiar to me. My heart started pounding in my chest as a cold chill ran up and down my spine. I started shaking.



“What do you want?”

A girl walked out from the darkness slowly and decisively, her face curved into a smile as I felt hatred burn from every nerve in my body. “Oh Jules,” Renee laughed, “You’re just so …predictable.”

Amy Brown followed her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, her sneer prominant and smug. “Pathetic too.”

Authors Note:

Sorry this took me so long to write! I kept wondering how i should go about this chapter. I hope you liked it! PLEASE REVIEW! And always THANK YOU FOR JUST READING IT! You have no idea how much your support means to me!

Chapter 17: Uprising
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“As an Auror you trained to be adaptable,” Rudolf informed us, pacing down the line of trainees, “You will be trained how to disarm, fight and even kill criminals when necessary. You will learn not only how to contain your emotions but how to stop your natural instincts of fear or remorse. You are machines. On the job you are hunting. You are ruthless. You will see things that will alter your sense of humanity. Most of you are not strong enough to handle it. Today we will be testing you,” He sighed and clenched his jaw, “Today is the day we weed out those of you who are truly built and meant to carry out the duty and privilege of serving the wizarding community. I won’t lie. This won’t be easy. What we are doing is cruel but it is for your own safety. If you can’t deal with the procedure we are about to conduct on you than you cannot possibly come to grips with the pressure that comes with being an Auror.”

He gave us a stern look before focusing on me. “Paxton…Since you are the only female left you are first.”



I can’t say I wasn’t scared but I was ready. Lorenzo sent me a reassuring look before I went over to stand next to Rudolf. A moment of silence echoed through the room before he sighed again.


“Paxton if you can’t handle it say something immediately, understand?”


Rudolf looked disappointed. He thought I was too weak for this. “Imperio!”


I instantly felt...relieved. All of my baggage was gone. I felt no responsibility, like I could do anything without any consequences. Then I heard Rudolf’s calm deep voice in my head, ‘Crawl like a snail.’ I moved half an inch before I stopped myself. Why would I do that? Again Rudolf’s voice sounded in my ears, ‘Bark like a dog.’ Yet again I started to do as he asked when I stopped myself. Why would I do that? I’m not a dog. I glanced upward and saw him starring at me stunned.



I furrowed my eyebrows, “What?”

He shook his head, “Next test…This one will hurt.”

I prepared myself for round two. It didn’t take long for the pain to come. My bones were blazing and I felt my eyes whelp up with tears of pain as my body shook like it was being electrified but I did not scream. I wanted to scream more than I could ever explain. My body wanted me to beg him to stop, to plead with him but I couldn’t. The resolve inside me started out as liquid but slowly became solid and eventually began to fight it off. I seized every fiber of hatred I held inside me and used it. Rudolf’s voice was in my head again this time he sounded cold and heartless, ‘It would be easier to give up. You are weak and defenseless.’ Sharply my eyes snapped open and I rose from my kneeling position to where I was standing. He no longer looked astounded. Now he looked enraged.



“Legilimens!” He whispered fiercely.


I saw me at age eleven heading on the boat to Hogwarts. I saw me kissing a boy blindfolded at age nine at a pureblood birthday party. I saw Lestrange coming towards me to hit me and a surge of anger pulsed through me. I couldn’t let Rudolf see that. To see me unable to defend myself. I concentrated on black, seeing just black and he moved on to a new memory. A more horrific memory. My father spoke and I shut the door of his den. I didn’t have a lot of time soon my father would attack me. I decided to go for white instead. Light would protect me from this. A bright all consuming white filled my mind, blinding the memories. It took all of my energy but I woke. I was on the floor and I was sweating profusely but I wasn’t in pain anymore. I hesitated for a moment. I focused on steading myself. Lorenzo walked over and gave me a hand up. His grin was contagious.


“You did great Paxton,” He whispered in my ear.

I glanced over and saw Rudolf seething. A sense of pride built up in me like nothing I’d ever felt before. I wasn’t weak. I was capable of fighting back. I just never knew it.


Waiting was awful. Not only did I have no idea how I did I had to wait with 30 other people in a tiny cramped -supposedly neutral- grey room. I leaned forward in my chair, digging my elbows into my armrests as I bit my lip. Lorenzo looked at me from across the room but I paid him no attention. I knew I looked like a drug addict, fidgeting all the time, starring at the door but I was worried. Lorenzo had five sisters, he could stay with any of them and become a Ministry official like his father. His next life path wasn’t brain surgery. I literally had nothing if this didn’t pan out. Where was I going to go? I lived in a barely hospitable room above an old muggle man for 100 pounds a month, the life of luxury. I had nothing to fall back on. This was it. Yeah I always had the brains but it didn’t matter. This was the one thing my family didn’t have the power to blacklist me from. This was everything. If I lost this…I didn’t know what i'd do. 




I searched for the source of the voice and was surprised to find Moody addressing me. He supervised a few of our training sessions but he was known for not getting involved in who was selected. Rising from my chair, I rubbed my sore elbows before following Moody into his office and shoving my hands into my pocket. What would he say? 


“Sit,” He ordered in his usual blunt manner before walking to the back of his desk.

I didn’t say anything. I waited for him. After ten minutes of silence it was apparent he wanted me to speak first. I took a deep breath.


He let out a grunt of relief, “Good. I thought you were going to be a chicken. Never be too afraid to speak first.”

I wasn’t. I was trying to be polite but I didn’t say that. “Yes sir.”

“You passed but it won’t be easy."

I was confused. Was he serious? “I …passed?” My voice cracked with anxiety at the end.

“Don’t sound so surprised. You were the only one to immediately fight of the Imperio and not scream under the influence of the Cruciatus Curse.”

I was stunned. No one else had been able to do that? “Really?”


He pulled out my file, “You are fluent in English, French, German, Greek, Japanese, Korean, Russian, Spanish, Dutch, Italian, Polish.  And can understand Portuguese, Swedish and Hungarian correct?”

I nodded. “I have a photographic memory.”

“You passed everything,” Moody closed my file and scratched the side of his neck, “Rudolf wanted to hold you back and have you take your tests again. So you would get better at wandless hand to hand to combat,” He darkly rolled his eyes, “I told him to shove it. That isn’t your strongest area but you are decent enough to pass.”


“I will however have you training minute you aren’t following me around. Rudolf has it out for you. He thinks you’re too weak. When you proved him wrong he didn’t like it but he is right. You do need some extra work. So you better get used to long hours.”

“Yes sir.”

He gave me a careful once over. “I usually don’t take on post trainees but I started complaining at the stock of Auror’s they were sending through….”

“So they made you take one on?”

“Oh no.” He shook his head gruffly, “I’ve done my dues but I was forced to supervise your training sessions to see where there could be improvement…I don’t think they test you lot long enough and I don’t give a damn who knows it. There’s a war but I don’t reckon that means we should lower our standards and send out unqualified idiots…” Moody took a swig from his emerald flask, “But you have real potential I haven’t seen in years.”

I glanced at him amazed.

“Don’t get cocky though. None of the other trainees know exactly what was done to you. They only know how they themselves were tested. So If I hear you bragging-“
“Trust me, “I interrupted bluntly, “I won’t.”

“Alright,” He twisted his mouth to the side making his scars stand out in the candlelight. Moody stood and shoved his hand out for me to shake. “Welcome Paxton.”



Benji ran. He couldn’t apparate on Hogwarts property and the closest fireplace he could floo to was McGonagall’s. Sweat ran down his neck slowly as he raced up the final staircase. He busted through the door.



“Dumbledore! Sorry to bother you-!”

Dumbledore raised his hand. “I know. Juliette and Sirius have been caught in a trap. Remus sent me an owl.”

“Amy Brown gave us false Intel. She’s a Death Eater.”

“I know this as well.”

Benji stood in the doorway stupidly. Of course he did. “Well…Ah.”

“Could you do me a favor and send for Alastor?”

“Moody? Yeah…That I can manage.” He muttered under his breath before shutting the door.



Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sighed forlornly before taking off his half-moon spectacles and rubbing the sides of his nose. Within minutes Moody arrived promptly.


“You rang Albus?”

"Juliette’s been captured.”

Moody’s face tightened. “How long?”

“A few hours.”

“What can I do?”

Dumbledore face hardened. “My source says they haven’t been tortured yet but within the hour they should be. I can’t get a team in there. It would be a suicide mission. I need you to alert her family and if we don’t hear anything …tell the Ministry whatever you think is best.”

Moody gave him a curt nod before speaking, “She doesn’t have any family.”

Dumbledore considered this. “I think she is in contact with her brother.”

“I’ll let him now,” Moody frowned.

“I’m sorry Alastor…”

“She’s not dead yet Albus…” Moody moved for the door, “This is my fault. I suggested you take her on…" His face sagged then turned prideful as he pictured her face. "If they do get her she’ll take as many of them down with her as she can though…”

He smiled sadly at that, “I’m sure she will Alastor.”



There are two things a person like me could do when faced with a stressed situation like this. Break down, accept defeat and just acknowledge that nothing they could do would do anything….Or laugh. I choose the later. My exhaustion, my pain, my fear, everything that weighed me down faded as I just let out this quiet hallow little chuckle. After awhile I became delirious from laughing for so long. It all seemed…funny.


Amy Brown came over to me and kneeled down to my level. “What’s so funny?”


I wouldn’t have answered her seriously anyway but I was too caught up in my own amusement to respond. She kicked me –supposedly- hard in my stomach but I started laughing harder. This seemed to infuriate her further. This stick thin brunette tried desperately to express her hatred by hitting me harder but it just made me laugh harder.  Amy snatched her wand out of her pocket but I was too quick for her. I head butted her, took her wand and turned it against her. It was hard to stand, my legs were shaky but I ignored it. All the shadows started moving closer. I didn’t acknowledge them. I went to her and decked her in the face.



“If you’re going to hit someone,” I told her as she wailed on the floor in pain, “Hit them.”


I threw her wand to Renee or the Renee double or whatever the hell she was and crossed my arms. Bellatrix walked over, magically tied my hands behind my back before giving Amy a look of utter disgust and throwing her out of the room. She then knocked me back down to my knees and pulled a chair from across the room over to sit in.


“Here’s the deal Paxton. We are going to kill you.” She sighed dropping into her seat, “You knew this.”

“I do.”

“The matter if your precious ‘husband’ makes it is all up to you.”

“Are we really in this scenario?” I asked her with a fake coy groan. “You smack him around I don’t do anything we both die…It’s more predictable than Renee over there…”

‘Renee’ looked like I had thwarted her dignity somehow. “Excuse me?”

“Oh I’ll get you later.” I smiled at her sweetly before turning back to Bellatrix, “But really Bella aren’t we over this? Why don’t just admit it? I won’t tell you. Just kill me.”

She sighed with a big fake smile, much like the one on my face. “I would dearest Juliette but the Dark Lord himself is going to be doing the questioning and…” She inhaled harshly, “He tends to be more persuasive than I…”

“I can’t imagine how,” I mused aloud, “Well while we wait for satan why don’t we all catch up?!” I asked her raising my voice at the end. “You know. You share what new deceitful bitchy malevolent things you’ve been up to and I'll tell you how much I’ve missed you in our time a part...Whatdda say?”

She grinned menacingly at that. “I would love to but he should be here soon…speaking of which.”

The joking banter died as I felt my body shake again. This time it wasn’t from a cold. It was from a new presence that had slipped into the room. All of the people who were in the room slowly exited the room as if silently ordered to do so. My eyes snapped shut as I immediately closed my mind. He wouldn’t get into my head. Torture me yes, control me, fuck no. All the pain from my body came roaring back as I concentrated on sealing my mind from him. When I opened my eyes they all were gone and my lip was bleeding from the pressure I had unknowing applied with my teeth.


“Ms. Paxton,” He spoke coolly, “Pleasure.”

“Wish I could say the same,” I forced myself to look at him, “Voldemort.”


I had the strong urge to throw up. I was standing in front of a raging mass murder. All of my bullshit wouldn’t save me. I couldn’t just out think him. He wasn’t another enemy. I kept a firm gaze on him. His very pale skin, chalk-white, skull-like face, skeletally thin body and long, thin hands were vivid. The only tangible thought in my mind was how I wish Dumbledore would appear with a glass of orange juice.

“Ms. Paxton…Do you mind if I call you Juliette?”

I didn’t reply.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He smiled. It was disturbingly sinister with his face so distorted and inhuman to see him attempt a human action. “I must formally ask you to join the Death Eater’s. Your charisma will be well rewarded and you will no longer have to worry about the welfare of your family. We will keep them safe.”

I raised my eyebrows as he violently but silently attempted to penetrate my mind. “My allegiance is and will always be with the Order and Dumbledore.”


His distinctive snake face became suddenly darker, whether it was because I spoke of Dumbledore or because he was having difficulty breaking into my mind I didn’t know but I knew there was a reason for it. There was no more speaking. He just stared into my eyes for a few moments. His expression was crazed and I had to fight every impulse to look away. I couldn’t let him win. I would let him kill me and make a coward out of me. 


“Impressive,” He decided finally breaking the silence and standing up from his chair. “I see you are skilled at Occlumency.”

I heard a door open behind him and watched as Bellatrix gave me one last sneer, handed him his wand and left with a flash of her hair.

I starred at his wand and my breath began to shiver.

He smiled at me again. “Well I’m sorry you feel the way you do but I do have some questions and you will answer them.”


His voice made me think of death. How easily he could and would kill me but I wouldn’t give in. After that first question I didn’t answer. The pain I experienced was by far the worst pain i'd ever physically felt in my life. My body fell to the ground and convulsed as an electric circuit of fire racketed through my bones. He asked question after question and it ended the same. After the seventh crucio I saw nothing but darkness. My eyes wouldn’t open. It hurt too much. Everything ached and felt like everything was broken. I definitely had at least two broken ribs. My throat was dry and I heard someone breathing. I wanted to know who.



“Hold on,” A voice reassured me quietly but I hesitated to trust it. It was a female’s voice and not one I recognized. I didn’t know whether I should take that as a good or bad sign.


When I had the strength to open my eyes I found a large needle in my chest and a seventeen year old girl administrating it to me. Weakly I tried to stop her but even my strongest attempts were so feeble she didn’t notice that I was even awake. When she did she offered me a reluctant smile.

“I’m putting adrenaline into you. I’ll explain everything later. All you need to know is we have limited time before they are going to kill your husband and we don’t have any time to waste.”


I glanced at her for a moment. She was shorter than me but around the same stature. She had tan skin, swept back ink black hair and piercing grey eyes. Why would I trust her? She sensed this question and gave me a sigh.


“Just trust me.”

I nodded and she pulled out the needle.


I can’t explain why I trusted her. Just that it was in her face. Something was there, a type of honesty that I believed. She put out her hand and I had no choice but to take it. When she pulled me to my feet I felt the adrenaline kick in hard. My vision had returned crystal clear, all of my pains faded and I focused. I needed a wand.


“How did you get in here?"

She shook her head and gave me her wand. “It doesn’t matter. We don’t have time. Take my wand. He’s in the second room from the left. I don’t know what state he’s in...”

“…Thank you…” I whispered to her unsurely.

She raised her eyebrows with a Dumbledore like knowing, “Believe me you owe me nothing.”


She vanished down the hall, wandless while I went for Sirius. I couldn’t think of anything else. I broke open the door to find Bellatrix torturing what was left of him.


“Expelliarmus!” I shouted violently sending her wand flying across the room. Her eyes blazed into mine as I starred at her with overwhelming hatred. No more games. No more jokes. I was done. “Incarcerous!”




Tight ropes snarled around her. I mumbled another spell leaving her glued to the ceiling. I wanted to hall her ass in jail. To bring her back to the ministry myself and have the satisfaction of seeing her locked up like the animal she was but I didn’t have the time. Sirius was paler than I’d ever seen him. He looked like he'd spent the past few hours having the energy sucked out of him. There were cuts and bruises all over him, his clothes ragged and ripped. I took off his chains with my hands and kissed every surface of his face. He let out a shallow breath and I knew he was still in there. Beaten and broken but still breathing.

“Ferula,” I sighed covering his gashes with bandages. “Can you stand?”



I saw his stubbornness shine through as shook and fought to stand on his own. I grabbed his middle section and helped him. This killed his pride but even he knew he needed my help. We went to the door and I heard footsteps. I pulled out my wand and put him against a wall. I dueled three Death Eaters and sent them all flying with a single spell before going back for Sirius. We went as fast as we could. Everything became a blur from moving so rapidly. When we got to the apparation point he was so drained all his weight was on me. I held him, tearfully and apparated to St. Mungos.

Authors Note:

Not as much action as i would have liked but she had limited time. THANK YOU FOR READING! PLEASE REVIEW! Everything (the confusion and random things) will come together in the next two chapters so if you're like WHAT THE HELL? It will make sense soon. Oh and would someone please make me a cool banner? I keep trying to make one but it's not good enough...HELP!

Chapter 18: Won't Stop
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Sirius stood in the dungeons hallway numbly. They were beating her. He heard her screaming. He couldn’t ignore this. Forcing himself to move he saw Remus a few feet ahead of him and froze. What was Remus doing down here? Sirius was watched his best friend get thrown back into a wall by a spell. He bolted forward with his wand raised and used a immobilize charm on all three of them. Lestrange, Nott, Malfoy all fell to the floor, frozen. He obliviated their memory so they would think Jules did this and they would be too afraid of her to go after her again. Remus was soundly unconscious in the hallway but he didn’t have a lot of time. Juliette was going in and out of consciousness and she was bleeding. He’d never see her so pale. Along with her natural bronze skin tone her weight was gone too. When he picked her up it pained him to feel how much weight she had lost.



He ran to the hospital wing with her tiny body in his arms. Luckily it was late so no one was in the hallway or in the hospital wing. Madame Promfrey came out of her quarters in her nightgown, bewildered.




“What happened to her Mr. Black?!”

He lied. “I don’t know. I found her in the hallway…” His eyes locked on Juliette as she started shaking. “You have to keep her here.”

“Well of course I have to treat her-“

“No I mean can she stay here?”

"Mr. Black-"

He looked up from Juliette. “She isn’t safe.”




Madame Promfrey looked like she was struggling with an answer. It was against the rules for students to stay in the Hospital wing after they were healed but she couldn’t bring herself to say no. The girl had such deep damage she knew this wasn’t the first incident and it wouldn't be the last.




“We’ll see about that later…” Madame Promfrey sedated her and started giving her medicines. “She’s going to be in here awhile…” Her hazel eyes gave away her guilt. “If she sleeps here after treatment… I won’t say anything but you should say something to Dumbledore.

Sirius stood up, took one last look at Juliette’s sleeping figure and walked towards the door. “It’s not my area anymore…Don’t tell anyone I helped her. it’ll make things worse for her…”

“Are you sure?” 

He nodded and walked away.




Tears filled his eyes as he walked down the hall and went to the owlery. He pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill from the basket and started to write.






I don’t know what’s going on with Jules. She wouldn’t talk to me all through break. She came back and runs from me when she sees me. I’m not in a position to help her..even if she’d let me…I wish I could do more but I guess it’s up to you now. She’s in the hospital wing. Some Slythern’s were torturing her…Maybe she’ll talk to you.






He bit his lip and put the letter on a pale faced owl with dark rings around the eyes, a yellow beak and brown eyes. The owl flapped its wings and left. Sirius finally realized. If he loved her, he should love her enough to let her go. So as the owl flew through the darkness of the night to find Parker Sirius wiped his eyes, sucked it up, and focused on finding a bottle of Firewiskey.




Waiting rooms were normally loud places. People crying, families arguing. There were several people in this waiting room. I didn’t look at a single one of them. I couldn’t. I was too weak to move from my spot on the floor and I was too tired to care how awful I look. My body constantly shook but after a few hours I stopped noticing. The healer would get me when he was out of surgery. She wanted to exam me but I ignored her. Why did I need to be examined? I was still breathing wasn’t I?




I was sitting in the farthest corner, away from everyone. My knees were up to my chest; my arms were banded around my legs as I rested the side of my face on the top of my knees. On my left hand, on the second finger laid a cold ring that was far too big for my hand. The Healer’s assistant had handed it to me and I instantly slipped it where my ring once sat. The air around me was too warm, too cramped. I felt suffocated. My breaths sounding like hollow shudders in my own ears I began to wonder how long I had been sitting there. I’d stopped watching the clock then, ever so softly; his face came to my mind. His smile, that seemed to exude rays of light with every flash of his dimples.  I closed my eyes and felt every memory. The good the bad, all of our memories played in my head like a movie reel. I felt him throwing me over his shoulder against my will, I felt him holding me tightly as he twirled me around in my formal dress, I felt him kissing me for the first time and how my heart accelerated just at this slight touch. Now at this moment I was lost. Lost in my memories. Lost in time. I felt myself drifting off. I wasn’t going to sleep. I was falling unconscious and I didn’t have the strength to stop it.




Someone began shaking me, “Oh no you don’t.” I opened my eyes to find the girl from before sitting beside me. She lifted me up. “I NEED HELP!”



Strong, rough hands lifted me to a bed. I passed out quickly. When I woke I had healers standing over my bed. None of them looked at me. I sat up and felt an ache. Nothing like before but still mild pain nonetheless. My vigor wasn’t back but I had enough energy to stand.




“Um Mam! You suffered severe injuries you must lay down! We only fixed the major damage-!”

I held onto the wall next to me and gave her a scathing look. “How long have I been out?”

“Just a couple of hours-“

I snatched my clothes from the cupboard and pulled them on. I didn’t care if they saw. I couldn’t afford to be out a few hours. Passing through the hallway I went up to the Healer’s station. The receptionist looked at me in alarm.




“I thought you were hospitalized-“

“I’ve been released,” I told her offhandedly, “Where’s my husband?”

She pointed to the room across the way.  “He’s in a coma but you really shouldn’t-”

I didn’t listen. I trudged on to his room. Outside the girl stood against the wall. Her leg was against the wall and her eyes were glued to her watch.





Her eyes lifted and I was taken aback. I’d seen her before but I’d never really looked this closely. She looked so familiar. It was remarkable how I recognized her features so clearly and couldn’t put a finger on who she reminded me of.




She smiled, “Come on. I’ve got a lot to explain to you before you see him. James is in with him right now anyway.”





I followed her. Everything in me pulsed to see Sirius but the fear of his condition added with James’s presence forced me to give into my curiosity. She walked a few feet away to two chairs. I sat down next to her. My body practically moaned in relief at the prospect of resting. She flipped her long wavy shiny black hair out of her face and crossed her legs.  She wore tight black dark blue jeans with a brown belt, jet black go-go boots, a leather well fitted bomber jacket and loose with a simple form fitting white v-neck underneath. This girl had naturally tan skin, wide eyes, full lips and a narrow nose.  She cleared her throat and leaned back in her chair.




“They fixed your ribs and your leg but you still have a lot of internal shit going on,” She sighed bluntly scratching the side of her nose. “Now you are on a lot of meds but as long as you stay here which I doubt is a problem…You should be fine.”

“What happened? Who are you? Why did you save us?”

She seemed to struggle for a moment before extending her hand. “My name’s Lexi and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you why sooo.... let’s just skip it. Voldemort,” Lexi began. I starred at her in surprise she was so blunt about it. “Was done with you. He was about to go torture your husband when I sent manipulated them into believing the order was coming. Most of the Death Eaters cleared out by the time you came to except Bellatrix…Your friend Renee...made it but she’s in protective custody…You probably won’t see her for awhile.” 

Because of me….I was like a plague. Tears welled up in my eyes. “How long did they have her?”

“I can’t tell you that.” Lexi frowned cryptically, “I’m sorry. There’s certain information I’m not allowed to give you.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

She lifted a chain from her shirt. “I’m from the future. Don’t ask how far from now because I can’t say. All you need to know is that you need to know is that you should trust me.”




I didn’t understand why. She didn’t have to ask for me to trust her I just did gave it. Her watch alarm went off. Lexi rose from her chair and glanced at me carefully.




“I have to go. I don’t know if I’ll be back,” She once again extended her hand to me. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

Lexi gave me a thoughtful look. “See him…Learn from the past don’t dwell on it. If you let your guilt drive you…it will eat you up.”

I bit my lip. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it.”



Lexi calmly went over the emergency exit stairs, leaned against the railing and vanished. I pushed myself up to stand and then walked to Sirius’s room with a new sense of empowerment. I let go of guilt for the moment and opened the door. I was expecting Potter but I wasn’t expecting to find Evans and Dumbledore in there. I held my breath and waited for the glares.




Lily stood up came over and gave me an awkward hug. “Thank you.” 

“For what?”

She released me with a bewildered face. “For lying of course.”


“You said you were his wife…”

My jaw dropped open slightly in shock and my eyes caught with Dumbledore’s, “Uh….”

She started looking at me funny. “Are you okay?”

“Ah yeah…um…” I sat in the chair next to Dumbledore. “I’ll just sit here for a minute.”




My throat was incredibly dry but that wasn’t the reason I suddenly lost the ability to speak. How was I supposed to tell them the truth? Clearly Sirius didn’t ever say anything so how was I supposed to do it? I starred at everywhere but at Sirius. Dumbledore extended his hand, inside was a spoon.




I furrowed my eyebrows at him. He gave me a small smile, “Pudding?”




It was like I was living in an episode of the Twilight Zone. How had everything gotten so screwed up? Dumbledore handed me the cup and despite myself I ate it. I needed something. Even if it was just chocolate. I needed something to keep me from going insane. No one was saying anything and I couldn’t bear to look Sirius. James cleared his throat awkwardly as a knocked sounded at the door. I turned and saw Lupin standing there. I glanced away and starred at the floor. I was shocked when I saw him come towards me and hug me.



“I’m sorry Juliette.”




That simple gesture was everything I needed it to be. He grabbed a chair and continued the hug. I heard myself sob into his chest, all my inhibitions gone. I didn’t care that I barely knew him. I just needed to cry. I needed to get it out. I couldn’t take it anymore. My best friend had been duplicated and beaten. I couldn’t apologize to her or even see her. My husband was in coma suffering from extensive damage and there was doubt as to whether he would ever wake up. The pressure broke me. Lupin, held me close to the point where he was cradling me. I was too immersed in my own emotions to see Dumbledore take Lily and James out of the room.




“Hey,” He wiped my face, “It’s not your fault.”

“I should have fought harder,” I told him through the hysterical tears, “I should have went to the authorities and sent my father to jail....Instead…Instead of…” I stopped, unable to keep going. “Merlin…”

Remus frowned, his own eyes already drenched in tears. “Juliette listen to me. Do you remember a time in seventh year towards the end after you two were a part? A bunch of Slythern’s had jumped you in the dungeons…”

I let out a hollow laugh, wiping my face, “There were a lot of times that happened.”

“Well…One of those times I was there.”

“You were?”

He nodded and went on, “I saw them hitting you and then I was knocked unconscious. Before that I saw you for what you were. Brave, loyal, resilient. You didn’t care what they did to you because if you had to choose all over again you would choose Sirius,” Remus raised my chin, “In that moment everything fell together. The way he’d been acting. All the little things I’d ignored…I want you to know. No matter what happens he loves you.”

“I know…” I breathed sharply.

“I never saw him care about someone as much as he cares about you.”

I put my head in my hands. “He …has…He’s going to wake up…Too much shit has happened…I can’t bear …” 


My eyes shot up to see Sirius smiling at me. I rushed forward. All the gashes on him had bandages and the bruises on his face were healed. His color wasn’t back but it was the same as the sheet of paper it once had been. “…Sirius…” 

“You know darling,” He started in a dry hoarse voice, “You look like hell.”

I laughed and held back the urge to hit him. Instead I reached forward and kissed him. He smiled so big I half-expected him to wince in pain. He let out a weightless sigh and closed his eyes still grinning. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for that.”

Remus smiled and headed for the door. “I’ll tell the others.”





Carefully I intertwined my hand with his undamaged hand. I took my other hand and swiped his long wavy black hair out of his face. His eyes pierced into mine as we were left alone.




“How are you feeling?”

He shook his head as he leaned his cheek into my hand. “Better.”

“Do you want anything?” 

“Shouldn’t you be in a bed?”

I laughed, “Was that a come on?”

“Isn’t it always?” He murmured in his usual cavalier tone before looking concerned.  “Seriously though Jules…You should lay down.”

“Well where do you suggest I do that? There’s no room for anything but chairs in here.”

He grimaced and moved.

“Sirius!” I whispered not knowing how to stop him without hurting him.




Sirius scooted over and made enough room for me. I beamed at this small action. I then slipped off my shoes and raised the cover so I could slide under without bumping into him. When I got there I was unsure where to place my head but he had an idea for that too. Stubbornly he tried to stifle his groan as he lifted his arm over my head to my back so I could rest my head on his chest. My heart was going crazy as I shut my eyes and put my head in between the bandages on his chest.  




“Am I hurting you?”


I got up fast, “I’m sorry!”

He laughed, nudged me back down reassuringly. “I can handle it.”

“You sure?”

“Jules…Lay down.”




I reluctantly followed his instructions and let the quiet of the room consume me. Tenderly I felt him kiss my forehead.  “I wouldn’t do that…I’m pretty nasty.”

“Do you remember that time it was raining and we got into a fight?”

I put my hand over my eyes as I shook with laughter. “So I pushed you into mud and we ended up rolling around in it.”

“Well I kissed you then didn’t I?”

“Yes…” I shook my head at his ridiculousness.

“See that just proves. I don’t care how disgusting you are,” He leaned forward with his smirk and kissed my cheek. “I’ll always want to kiss you.”





Happiness filled every fiber of my body and I refused to give it up. It was like nothing bad could hurt me while I was with him. A thought then popped into my head as I started to feel like I was going to fall asleep.





“What the hell are we going to tell everyone?”

He let out a calm but restricted sigh. “Well I was thinking something along the lines of, ‘Hey guys, this is my wife.’”

I waited for there to be more and snorted when I realized he had finished. “You are such an idiot! It’s not that simple. For one all of your friends hate me.”

“Well…” He pondered that for a moment, “Remus clearly doesn’t.”

“Okay but what about everyone else?”

“Honestly? For three years I’ve been alone with this giant hole in me and now that I have you in my arms. I really could care less about the rest. Fuck them all.” He used his good hand to tip my face towards his, “I love you and I’m not loosing you twice.”

I smiled at that and turned my head as i heard the door open. Parker came into the room with a fake sigh of irritation. “Oh not you two again…Didn’t we try this before?”

I laughed, “Hey you.”

“You going to get up and hug me or are you too content in your adultery?”


He scratched his neck and pretended to look tearful, “Black …you never told her about us?”

Sirius shook his head. “I thought now…wasn’t the right time.”

Pushing myself to sit I realized I moved to fast and grabbed the bed to steady myself. Sirius sat up slowly as Parker moved to my side, both wearing worried expressions.  I raised my hand and let out a gradual breath. “I’m alright boys…”

Parker felt my forehead concernedly. “Are you sure? They said you left too early…”

I knocked his hand away. “That’ll do pig.”

“What do you mean she left early?” Sirius questioned ignoring me. 

“I talked to a Healer to find her and she told me that she wasn’t fully healed but in here.” He told him simply. “You look alright to me kid,” Parker told me swiping the hair out of my face.

I smiled and gave him the world’s most pathetic hug. Which he treated as gold of course.  “Thanks for coming Parker…Who told you?” 

“Yeah…” He grimaced. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t ask me that.”




Parker cocked his head to the side and sat in the empty chair. “Lorenzo did.”




My face dropped temperature a few degrees as guilt filled me. Lorenzo…How could I have forgotten? Of course they would call him.




“Did he just leave?”

“No…He went into see you but…” Parker gave me an uneasy look.


He scowled awkwardly. “I guess he heard something that…dissuaded him from seeing you.”

“Like? Why are you being so cryptic?”

“Jules …am I the only one that knows about you two?”

I glanced at Sirius and he nodded. “Well at least before this…”

“Well…Jules…” Parker looked excessively uncomfortable. He even started looking away from me. “You had to know…”




“So!” James cleared his throat walking in and accidently cutting Parker of. “You got hitched and you didn’t let me throw a bachelor party?”

My mind shifted from Parker’s observations –much to his relief I’m sure- to Potter. “You’re…Okay with this?”

He came over to me with a scrunched up face. “I don’t get it but I don’t mind it.”

“Who told you?”

“Well Dumbledore did and Remus just confirmed it.”

I flinched, “What about your wife?”

“She’s …” James cringed, “Well she feels like a dumbass because she hugged you and thought you just saved his life out of the kindness out your heart. Then she finds out you are his wife and....she hugged you and made everything awkward…”

I laid back down next to Sirius and laughed. “It’s okay. I just didn’t know how to tell her…” I turned to Sirius, “Which is why I said how are we going to explain this to people.”

“It’s not that complicated.”

“We are the definition of complicated.”

He frowned in indifference. “Whatever.” James laughed and left as Parker came closer to me.




“Ah Jules?”


“You know Nik is waiting outside right?”

I pulled the covers up over my face. “No!”


“You know Parker. I’m tired and I’m not dealing with him. So say I was passed out.”


I rested my head on Sirius, “Say it. I don’t care if he doesn’t believe you. I’m not dealing with him today...I actually am a little tired.”

Sirius gently kissed my forehead, trying not to hurt himself in the effort. “Go to sleep honey.”




I nodded and Parker sighed. “Fine,” He came over and brushed my hair out of my face. “I’ll tell him you’re asleep and I’ll come by and see you tomorrow okay?”

“Thanks Parker.”

“Anytime baby girl.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “You’re such a tool Parker.”

He winked at me and shut the door.




I sighed, closed my eyes and fell asleep. My dreams weren’t anything concrete, just colors swirling around in the wind. Even unconscious I knew he was holding me tight. That sensation made me sleep more soundly then I had in a long time.



Authors Note:

THANK YOU FOR READING! Sorry this took so long. I just kept getting writers block. Anyway. I'm writing the next chapter as we speak. PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 19: Yesterday
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I laughed uncontrollably as he carried me into the hotel room. "Is this really necessary?"

"You may not get to have the real wedding you deserve but you're crazy if you think I’m skipping this!"

"You just want to prove you can lift me. So you can feel all masculine..."

He rolled his eyes, "First of all a dwarf could lift you. Second of all I don’t need to lift you to prove how manly I am."

“Oh really?” I posed raising my eyebrows.

“That’s it.” He dropped me on the bed, “I’ve had just about enough of you.”

“Oh you have? Have you?”

I ran the to the bathroom with him sprinting after me. Sirius caught me and grinned. “What do you have say now?”

“I love you.”

He cupped my face and kissed me intensely pinning me against the wall. Sirius released me with a smirk. “I love you too.”



I laid on his bare chest, white covers covering us both. Gingerly I moved over and grabbed his wrist to see his watch. A frown crawled onto my face when I saw the time. Sirius shifted his hand out of my grip and wrapped his arms around me tightly.



“Don’t worry honey.”

I sighed thoughtfully, “How can I not? I have to leave in an hour, go back to my dorm, pack my things and leave for my parent’s house…I won’t see you for almost two weeks.”

“What do you think I’ll change my mind or something?” He teased half-heartedly then his face dropped when he realized what I was thinking. Sirius boosted me up so he was eye level with me. “Don’t you dare ever think for a second that I regret this.”

“I’m scared okay…” I admitted ashamedly, “I love you and I don’t regret this but I’m afraid of what’s going to happen when they find out...” I forced myself to look at him, “They’re not going to just let me go Sirius…”

He brushed my bangs out of my face tenderly, “Whatever happens, no matter how long it takes I will always come for you.”

“….Okay.” I muttered in a small voice.



“Wanna go for round three now?” He teased slightly, “I mean we do have an hour.”

I raised my arm to smack him but he caught my arm, flipped me and eyed me hungrily. I snorted, “Yes?”

“Well?” He brushed the ridge of his lips along my jaw softly planted soft kisses on my neck.

I sighed and grabbed his face, “You are such an asshole.”


I woke with crumbs of slumber still in the crease of my eyes. For a moment, when my eyes were closed I forgot where I was. The smell around me was comfortingly familiar. A warm hand brushed my cheek and I smiled. It was then I knew. It wasn’t a dream. It happened. When I opened my eyes I found Sirius staring at me lovingly, his face nearly fully healed with minor scratches. His heavy bandages gone.


“Hey you.”

“Hey…What time is it?”

He shrugged, “It might be better if you asked what day it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been asleep for three days. Look, we aren’t in the hospital anymore.”



I tilted my head and saw we were in a flat; A white large flat that I couldn’t ever afford even if I worked till I died. My clothes were different too. I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown or even my own clothes. I was wearing oversized pajamas with puppies all over them. Judging by the looseness of the clothes and the scent I assumed they were Sirius’s. Which means he dressed me. Which means he saw me naked. Which hasn’t happened in years ……and it happens when I’m UNCONCIOUS?! I suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious.



“Hey what’s wrong?”

“Ah…This is weird but…what’s happened? How did I get in these clothes and in your apartment? Parker just let you take me?!”

Sirius smiled. “Jules…breathe.”

“Sirius…speak.” I mocked him sitting up.

“Okay I got out yesterday. I’m fully healed and they gave you a strong sedative so you could heal faster. They said you would be fine and you didn’t have to stay there so I brought you here.”

“And that was okay with Parker?” I questioned in disbelief. “Where is he? Parker?”

“I dunno actually. He came by this morning and we had breakfast.”

My eyebrows shot up, “Parker had breakfast with …you?”

“Parker likes me.” He told me with a hint of hurt.

“I’m sorry.” I muttered rubbing my eyes, “I’m just surprised…He always seemed to not trust you.”

“Well things change,” Sirius replied vaguely.

I shrugged. “I won’t complain.”

“Good. Now are you hungry?”

“Ah yeah…First though…Do you have my clothes? Cause I feel like if I stand up these clothes would slide off me.”

He nodded and rose from the bed. Sirius snatched a shirt for himself and picked up a stack of my clothes, freshly cleaned. “Here.”

“Thanks.” I didn’t bother asking who had took the time to clean them.

“Do you want me to…” He started lamely and I nodded quickly and avoided his gaze.



I knew he had been the one to dress me and he had already seen me naked but I felt …exposed. I hadn’t felt sexy in years. I didn’t even think anything of it when I changed in front of guys at work but Sirius was different. He’d seen me before the scars, when my skin was smooth and flawless. I felt so small. I had built a great wall around myself. A solid system that had protected me from getting hurt and he broke a crack into it without even trying. I heard him fumbling around in the kitchen and I felt suffocated. I couldn’t handle this. I wasn’t that girl anymore. I’m not the woman he married anymore. As good as it felt to be with him I couldn’t just dive into it again. I shouldn’t be with him right now. I had a life, I had manufactured a life out of the wreckage and I had more to my life then what me and Sirius once had.



“Jules? Do you want Pancakes or eggs?!”



My jeans were on, shirt was on. I stopped moving and just sat on his bed. What did I want? I closed my eyes and focused. I didn’t know. So I didn’t answer him. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was I couldn't be here. I grabbed my jacket and apparated to Parkers flat.

He was eating a sandwich and reading the paper before I arrived when I came in he rushed to me. It was then I noticed how heavily I was breathing.



“What are you doing here?”

I shook my head, my eyes clenched tight. “I couldn’t…I just needed to…breathe.”

“Alright …” He got me a glass of water and sat back in his chair as I perched on the edge of his couch. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I let out a breath of relief and held my arms to stop them from shaking. “I just got scared…I woke up and I was at Sirius’s flat. Nobody else was there and it freaked me out.”

“Why? Did he do something?”

“No…He was perfect…That was the problem….”

Parker furrowed his eyebrows. “Elaborate. How is that a problem?”

I put my head in my hands and sighed. “Can I just stay here?! Please? Until I can just…clear my head?”

“You know you can. I just don’t get you.”

“I know…I’m sorry.”

He groaned as he checked his watch. “Okay well stay as long as you like. I have to go to work.”

I nodded and laid back, clutching one of his pillows tighter than necessary.

He snorted and sat next to me. “Jules…I don’t know what’s wrong with you but if you don’t deal with it it’s going to drive you crazy.”

“I know.”

“Well…” He kissed my forehead and hugged me. “I’m glad you at least are healthy.”




Parker waved his hand at me dismissively and left. I appreciated this more than I could explain. My head was spinning with the chaos of my life and I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought if we got back together if we saw each other again everything would fall into place. The past wouldn’t matter and I would be able to get beyond what happened to me but life didn’t work like that. The minute I realized he had been the one to take care of me I froze. We didn’t even know each other anymore. Grabbing one of Parker’s blankets I sighed because there was something I was avoiding. The face popped into my head and I frowned. I loved Sirius with every fiber of my being but …there was some hesitation. I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't be near him right now.



I wished I stayed asleep. Sleeping isn’t complicated. No I wished I could go back to three months earlier before anything had happened. Back when I didn’t have to feel anything. Pulling the blanket higher up to my neck I wished more than anything I could talk to Renee. I could contact her, use my connections to see her but I doubted she’d want to see me. Biting my lip I sunk deeper into the couch and felt like there was a dark cloud above me. A large apparatition pop sounded loudly, I jumped, whipped out my wand and pointed it right at Lexi’s heart she raised her hands with a condescending look on her face.



“Don’t shoot!”

I lowered my wand and gave her an odd look. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to help you. Now go clean up,” She pushed herself up onto Parkers kitchen counter and snatched an apple before taking a large bite into it. I watched the juice rolled down her cheek until she took the edge of her red plaid sleeve and swiped it off. Lexi furrowed her eyebrows at me. “What?”

“Where are you going to take me?”

Lexi sighed exaggeratedly crossing her jean padded legs. “You really don’t trust anyone do you?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well it’s kind of hard when you won’t give me any information about yourself.”

“Okay if I get Dumbledore to say he trusts me will you come with me?”

“Yeah,” I answered automatically not believing she could get Dumbledore’s trust in just a brief conversation.

Lexi just shrugged and glanced around the flat. “Then go take a shower and change your clothes,“ She took another bite of the apple and made a face at me, “Cause you look like hell.”

“I don’t have any spare clothes.”

“Yes you do. Look in there.”

I gave her a doubtful look but sure enough when I went into Parker’s olive bathroom I found a dark pair of jeans and a bright blue flowy top that I never wore. She came in with a smirk. “How did you-?”

She grabbed the door handle with her left hand as she continued eating with the other. “You ask too many questions.”



I took a long shower. I washed the dirt and grime out of my hair, the sweat and medicine off my skin and the worries off my mind. It was an odd situation but I just kind of accepted it. Lexi was weird but I wanted to see what she was planning. I got out of the shower, changed into my clothes and leaned over the sink. I looked up and found my own face. I had scratches on my cheeks and two deep bruises; one was extended from my right temple down to my cheek bone the other was just a bit farther down along my jawline. The dark circles under my eyes were almost dug in, the type that could only be caused from years of sleepless nights. I remembered why I never looked in mirrors anymore. Glancing away I saw my makeup case. It had a layer of dusty covering it with a note on top. Printed on top of the paper very neatly was three words, “Put-it-on.”



I grabbed the makeup and slowly pulled out all of the tubes. First I had applied the cover up. I didn’t apply it anywhere but my bruises. It took a few painful minutes but finally I no longer looked like a boxing champ. Then I put some medicine on my cuts and put some makeup under my eyes. When I walked out of the bathroom my hair was dry and down, I wore eyeliner, eyeshadow and had managed to apply some blush. I don’t know why but the process made me feel more…human.  Lexi was sitting on Parker’s couch. The Daily Prophet was opened and folded onto the coffee table but she wasn’t reading it. Her face was filled with several emotions but none of them were the nonchalant attitude I’d seen her hold so easily the past three times I’d seen her. Lexi’s pale eyes searched through Parker’s pictures with fascination. I wondered where this interest had come from. This wasn’t personal for her so why was she so involved?



She smiled at something she saw, closed the photo book and shoved it back on the shelf under the coffee table. I saw a flash of the year before she closed it. Mentally I turned the numbers around and furrowed my eyebrows. She was looking at 1976.



“Hey look who’s decided to look better than a corpse!” She smiled suggestively.

I rolled my eyes. “So where do you think you’ll find Dumbledore?”

“Where he always is.”

I gave her a blank look. Dumbledore always seemed like he could pop up anywhere and make it look like he’d been there all the time.

Lexi's eyes widened in annoyance, “Jesus! Never mind. You’ll see.” She shook her head and offered her arm to me.

I took it. “I hope you at least know what you’re doing.”

“Nah,” She shrugged with a sly smile, “I mostly make it up as I go along.”

Authors Note:

Short I know but the next chapter is going to be really long. THANK YOU FOR READING! I really appreciated that you guy take the time to read this! PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 20: When It Rains
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]


I’ve always thought it was weird that Muggles have school reunions. You come back twenty years later for what? To see who made something of themselves and who become slobs. I never wanted to return to Hogwarts. I didn’t want to go back down memory lane. It was painful enough the first time around. We were dropped into the Hogsmede square. From the moment I saw the castle from the distance I felt my heart drop. I prayed silently that this would be quick. That we would get in and get out and I'd never have to see this place again. I think somehow I knew that we were just going to leave after we saw Dumbledore.



Silently I followed her down the path I knew all too well. My stomach started tangling up in knots as my emotions got the better of me. My body moved but I took no recognition of it. After a twenty minute walk we stopped right in front of Hagrid’s house. She took an interest but I stopped paying attention to her. The light hit my face as wind flowed around the grounds and I felt myself zoning out into my thoughts. I watched light wind ruffle the grass, skim the icy surface of the lake, and shake the leaves on the trees before finally grazing the side of my face. I felt the grip of the ghosts of my past. Away from here i could fight it with a strong dose of denial and pretend it wasn't as bad as it was.


Off in the distance I saw me and Parker chasing each other the fields of grass mercilessly. His short blonde flickered in the wind as I ran past a close group of trees, we were twelve. Then I saw me and Taylor racing up those trees after our finals. We were laughing hysterically the whole time as we each tried to go faster than the other without falling, we were thirteen. I saw Lestrange and me playing a very competitive game of chicken against Malfoy and Narcissa. Narcissa giggled as I tossed her tiny bikini claded body into the water. Lestrange dropped and I screamed our victory loudly and proudly, we were fifteen. Regulus and I were by the lake, our feet in the shallow part of the water as we laid back and tanned. We laughed and talked about where we'd been in twenty years, I was sixteen, he was fifteen. By the tree next to the lake I saw me sitting against the tree by the lake reading, Parker raced by and threw me over his shoulder and ran around with me screaming on his back. I begged him to put me down but he just ran faster until finally dropping me inches above the lake's surface, we were fourteen. I saw me, Narcissa, Taylor, Parker, Malfoy, Lestrange, Angie and Nott all laying in the grass counting the stars after a night of partying; we just started our seventh year of Hogwarts. I glanced by the lake side and saw me and Sirius, we were dancing in the moonlight half-drunkenly, we were seventeen. 



Lexi came back and tapped me on the shoulder. I jumped slightly and turned to her. The bright sun beating down on us I had to squint to see her. I tried to make myself believe that was the only reason my eyes were watering. She motioned for us to keep going up to the school. I shoved my hands into my pockets and allowed my feet to glide up the familiar steps. Steps I often sat on during days like these to studying with my friends for finals. She opened the door and I attempted to louder my rapid heart beat. It didn't work. I was lying to myself. I knew why we were here. Somehow I already knew what was going to happen.


“Mate?” James called walking into Sirius’s flat. “Paddy?”


James let out a sigh of relief. “That guy …Parker I think it was…Is looking for you.”

“He is?”

“He said that she was safe. Just freaked out.”

Sirius relaxed. “Good…I wish I knew why she ran.”

“Maybe it’s your body odor.” James muttered loudly.

“Oh yeah,” Sirius rolled his eyes half-heartedly, “That’s it.”

“Oh! Her brother’s looking for her too.”

“Okay how did you run into all these people?”

James’s face darkened and he sat on Sirius’s bed. From that point on he refused to look anywhere but at the floor. “…Lily had a miscarriage.”

Merlin…Man I’m sorry. Here I am bitching-“

He held up a hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll…be..fine…I don’t know what I’m going to do about Lily…”

“Where is she?”

“With her mom at our place.”

Sirius walked over and clamped his arm around his shoulder. “If you need anything-“

“Paddy you have enough problems.” James frowned, “I still can’t believe you got married.”


His face was solemn as he turned to look at Sirius. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I don’t know…” Sirius lowered his face. “I just…didn’t want to ruin it.”

“How would we have ruined it?”

“That’s not what I meant…Everything was complicated but us. I didn’t want to scare her off by bringing you guys. Not to mention she thought you would hate her.”

James furrowed his eyebrows, “Why would she think that?”

“Think back. In the midst of our rivalry with pureblood Slythern’s would you really have accepted her? It’s taken a lot for Lily not to openly hate her.”

“That’s true.” James let out a sigh. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

Sirius shrugged, “I tried to be subtle.”

“It worked.”

“She was pregnant.”

James’s face became uncomfortably pale. “You …she…”

Sirius’s eyes watered slightly as he shook his head.


“Just a few weeks after we got married…I never knew. She didn’t tell me.”

James looked at him. “She was trying to spare you.”

“Spare me?”

“I don’t know her very well but I’ve been watching her since she joined…She’s very careful. She stays back, doesn’t say much and always wears sunglasses…I always thought that she wasn’t being secretive she was just hiding.”

Sirius put his head in hands. “I can’t believe I didn’t fight harder. I should have known that she wouldn’t just give up.”

“I know this a lot to ask but…” James cleared his throat emotionally. “I don’t know what to say to Lily…When we left her checkup she wouldn’t even look at me…I was going to ask Juliette to talk to her.”

“I dunno…”

“She can say no. I would never hold it against her…I just don’t know who else to ask.”

“Things are just bad all over.”



There was a loud knock on the door, Sirius walked over and opened the door. There was a man a few years older than he, about the same height, with dark skin, black eyes and a sharp jaw. Sirius vaguely recognized him as Juliette’s brother.



“Are you Sirius?”

He blinked unsurely, “Yes.”

Then he was sent to the ground in agony as Nik decked him as hard as he could in the face. “That’s for beating the shit out of her you bastard.”

We were almost to Dumbledore’s office when we stopped. I wasn't paying attention. Every hallway I saw held a memory and so far most of them had been pleasant tedious ones. The strips of memories weren’t strong; they were just wisps of time that would appear whenever I walked by them. They weren't real. The clearest one so far was the one occurring right in front of me. McGonagall was pulling my arm up the stairs in my snake costume. I had just turned seventeen.



“Ms. Paxton…” McGonagall shook her head furiously. “I cannot believe you would do such a thing!”

I snorted, “Oh it’s so not that bad. I’M fully clothed...” I implied heavily.

“That’s another thing! I’m going to send to detention if you don’t give me there names!”

“I’m not telling you professor. So you might as well give me a detention for me out after hours.”

She glared down at me knowing that despite what my friends were doing I could barely be punished.



“You okay?”

I blinked and saw Lexi looking at me oddly. I gave her a loose nod and followed her up the stairs.

I'd never been to Dumbledore office before. The day McGonagall caught me Dumbledore was out. So she just gave me a bunch of detentions and sent me back to my dorm. I rose up the steps gradually, taking in every little new detail of my surroundings. When we got up to the final step she simply knocked on the door without any hesitation.


"Enter," A calm voice answered through the door.

Lexi pushed open the door and beamed at him. "Professor."


For the first time in the time I’d known Dumbledore he looked...confused. Lexi walked over to his desk with a letter. The letter had his name on it in red ink and ...familiar handwriting. She handed it to him and watched his reaction. After a few moments he shifted his gaze up to her.


"Very well." Dumbledore glanced over to me. "Juliette trust her." He almost ordered.

"Ah..." I scrunched up my face trying not to quesiton him. "…Alright?...” I let out a sigh of frustration before finally giving letting out my frustration. “Okay I’m really getting tired of this. Who is she?”


Dumbledore looked over at Lexi tentatively. Her gaze was focused determinedly at the floor as her eyes flashed the slightest hint of depression before returning back to indifference. If I hadn't been watching her so closely i would have surely missed it. A jolt of emotion rushed through me. It wasn't one i recognized. My instincts where screaming something at me but I couldn’t make out what it was and it was driving me crazy. I knew i was here for a reason. I couldn't fight the sense that she had a purpose for bringing me here instead of just asking Dumbledore to meet us somewhere. I wish i understood her intentions.



“Don’t worry. I’ll tell you soon enough.” She answered in a quiet voice barely being able to look me in the eye. “Let’s go.”

I trailed after for a few minutes then stopped. This was too far. “Okay what are we doing?!”

“You said if I got Dumbledore to show his trust-“

“I don’t care anymore alright!” I paced anxiously, “I’m so sick of this shit! The lies, the secrets! Why can’t you just say why you’re here and what you want?!”

She approached me with her hands in her pant pockets. “If you come with me and just do as I ask. I will leave you alone after that if that's what you want.”

“Promise?” I scoffed immaturely.

“I don’t make promises,” Lexi replied firmly moving towards the steps.

For some messed up reason I felt compelled to continue following her. I called her name but she kept walking till she was on the second floor. As she stopped I paused too. My eyes closed as I inhaled sharply and a strong memory all but consumed me.


“You ready?”

I blinked, this time having a hard time coming back to reality. “For what?”

Lexi said nothing in response.



She grabbed a bag out of her pocket, took a pinch of the dust in side and threw it around the room. It felt to the ground and laid there motionlessly. I was about to speak when the dust rose and began spinning around us. I closed my eyes involuntarily. When I opened my eyes there I was, seventeen, in a red gown with Sirius in front of me. It was real. Unlike the other memories I actually saw every detail as if it was happening at that very moment. I became nervous. I knew what happened and I didn't need to see it happen. I lived it.  Lexi came over and stood next to me, her face as impassive as ever.



“What is this?”

She shrugged softly, “Your memories.”


I turned away from her and watched the younger version of myself slap Sirius as hard as i could across his face. He was wearing dress robes but his tie was undone and his hair was messy. I could smell the firewiskey even though I was a few feet away from him.



“Who do you think you are?!” I screamed at him.

“What did you want me to do?! Let him put his hands all over you?”

“You chose this Black!” I said moving closer to him furiously. “You were the one who said you wanted to end it! You said you couldn’t handle lying to everyone anymore! Remember?!”

He got closer to my face. “What and I’m suddenly supposed to feel nothing for you? While you let Snevillus… manhandle you like you’re his little whore?”

“I SWEAR IF YOU CALL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME-!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

“Well that’s EXACTLY what you were acting like sweetheart.” He told me coldly, hatred shining through his eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at him icily. “And you weren’t?! Correct me if I’m wrong but you weren’t complaining when Tracy shoved her tongue down your throat.”

His lips thinned and he moved away from me.

I didn’t take that. “So quit pretending you care.” I spat at him hatefully, “You’re just jealous because you can’t just take me whenever you want because i'm not you're property.”

“…That’s what you think?” His voice turned soft in an instant. I wanted to give in. To kiss him just one more time but I couldn’t. He broke up with me not the other way around.

“Yeah,” I answered callously. “That’s what I think.”

He whipped around and in one fluid motion put his arms on either side of the wall around me. “I'm not one of them...You know that Jules."

"Really?" I scoffed sarcastically, "Because you're the spitting image of every one of them right now."

"Jules... I...I love you."

I glared at him, my anger rising as disbelief filled my core. “…You didn’t…you don’t….How dare you?!”

“Yes I do.” Ignoring my last response he snaked his arm around my waist and looked at me unsurely. “…I just…I’m not good at this okay? I thought if I broke up with you everything would be easier.”

“And is it?”

Sirius gave me the most miserable look as leaned his head against my forehead. “I haven’t slept at all in the past 48 hours. I can’t stop thinking about you…”

“Really? Then would you mind explaining just why were you just snogging the face of-“

He cupped my face securely, his eyes beating down on my own. “I was just trying to make you jealous. I swear. You know I would never...”

“Well! It worked!” I shouted pushing him off me.

“I’m sorry…Do you think this can work?” He whispered to me gently holding my gaze.

I looked into his eyes hesitantly, my fear growing. “I ..don’t know.”

“Do you love me?”

I pushed him away and walked away. “Stop…You made a decision.” Tears started building up in my eyes as my voice grew thicker, “Just stick to it…”

“Jules…” He spoke quietly giving me a pleading look.

“No…you have to stick to it.” I whispered closing my eyes in defiance. “…Just…stop.”

Sirius scowled at me. “If you don’t love me you can just say so.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Then what are you saying? Because if you’re afraid-“

“You’re right. Okay? I'm afraid.” I took a few steps towards him. “I am afraid to put my guard down. I am afraid that if you know all that I am, you won't feel the same. And I'm afraid that once my barrier is gone, and I'm comfortable, that you'll walk away. Does that make you happy?!”

He came to me. “Yes. It does because guess what? I’m just as terrified as you are but fuck it I’m willing to give this a shot!”

“What makes you think this will work?! We fight all the time! We have to sneak around!" I was inches away from his face. “So you tell me when enough is enough.”

He stayed silent.

“If two people love each other but they can't seem to get it together you tell me when enough is enough." I pressed him furiously.

“Never.” He replied simply.

Taken aback by the blunt firmness of his answer I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Do you love me?”

"Sirius..." I cried quietly.

He was centimeters away now. "If you don't just say it and i'll leave you alone." 

I forced my face away from him.

"Jules." He begged tilting my face towards his.

"...Yes." I told him as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I do."

“Well then. I guess you’re stuck with me until that changes.” He declared wrapping his arm around me. “Because I can tell you right now it’s going to take a long time for me to get over you.”



My throat constricted as the younger me disappeared and the dust reappeared. I watched as it fell to the floor as slow as snowflakes. That's when I really started to lose it. I could sense I was shaking but it was like my body and my mind were separate from one another. I starred at the dust pile hollowly longer than I should have. When I snapped out of it Lexi was dripping an emerald potion on the dust. Before corking the potion and placing it in her back pocket. The dust started bubbling, steaming and evaporating. Before it was gone Lexi left. I went after her silently. She halted at the third step from the top, snatched the bag and threw another pinch of dust down the stairs. Again a younger version of myself reappeared this time I was with Parker.


"Ah Parker..."

He stopped walking, "Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something...Well I need to ask you something too-"

"Just spit out Jules," Parker snorted offhandly.

"Willoubeemibestman?" I blurted out quickly making give me an odd look.

He snorted, "Come again?"

"Will you...Actually," My face became red in embarrassment. "Will you be my best man?"

"Oh?" He teased, "To whom are we marrying?"

I opened my mouth to say his name but the words wouldn't come.



Coincidentally Sirius came down the stairs with his bag over his shoulder. I thought he was going to keep going until I felt him standing right next to me. Parker didn't acknowledge him at first. Slythern's didn't talk to Gryffindors on principal. When Parker saw Sirius wasn't leaving he crossed his arms and took a step towards him aggressively.



"You have a problem Black?"

Sirius shook his head, "No."

"Then do you mind?" He questioned gesturing he move but Sirius stayed put.

"Ah Parker," I muttered uncomfortably. "You know what we were just talking about...?"

Parker looked at me like i was insane. "Yeah?"

Sirius checked to make sure no one was coming before taking my right hand with his left.

Parker laughed hard. "Funny! I have to say this is a good one. I can't believe you guys would go this far for a prank though."

"Parker...I'm not joking."

"Of course you are." Parker voiced back, the smile sliding off his face as he examined mine.



I pulled the ring out of my pocket and put it on my left hand ring finger. Parker just about fainted. His normally pale skin grew paler than parchment as he stared wild-eyed at the scene in front of him.


"Now I know this is a lot and I’ll understand if you're mad that I didn't tell you-"

Parker held his hand up to silence me. "How long has this been going on?"

"A few months." Sirius answered calmly.

"Does anyone else know?"

We shook our heads.

"Look," I approached Parker carefully, "I understand if you don't want to be apart of this-"

"Firstly: You're my best friend of course I’m there." He interrupted me sternly, "Secondly: Who the hell is going to walk you down the aisle?"

I hung my head slightly. "No one."

"Wrong. Wrong and wrong!" He faced Sirius, "I'm walking her down the aisle if she gets married you understand me?"

Sirius said nothing.

"And if you're going to marry her you need my permission to do so."

I smiled. "You're really okay with this?"

"If he passes inspection..." Parker glared at Sirius doubtfully.

I threw my arms around Parker. "Thank you!"

"No need to thank me..." He eyed Sirius darkly, "I haven't cleared him yet."


That memory faded and died like the last but I had a feeling it was going to get worse. These memories were baby ones. She was starting it off light to prepare me for the worse. We did this with family of a deceased colleague. First we say what they accomplished in their career, what they meant to the ministry and how their sacrifice helped pave the way to save the lives of dozens. If we just started out with, “Hey you’re husband/father/brother/nephew/cousin/godson/son/brother is dead.”  It would be too direct if we said it like that. Too blunt and cold for the grieving relative. So we sugar code it. We start with the easy stuff so they can ease into it and not cry. Auror’s don’t handle crying well. From training we are taught to conceal and withhold emotions from difficult situations. A sobbing woman kind of puts a damper on that. But I wasn’t a sobbing widow. I was still rational enough to know what was happening and I wasn’t going to go along with it.



“Lexi…I’m done.”

She came to me with a smile. “You really are a whiner.”

“Excuse me?” I retorted lethally.

“I said you’re a whiner." She snapped back fearlessly, "I told you I would leave you alone if you just went along with everything and you can’t even manage that.”

I was about to deck her in the face. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I know what you’re scared of.” She sneered, “It’s the reason you didn’t fight for Sirius. It’s the reason you assumed he didn’t fight and it’s the reason you refuse to come with me now.”

I scoffed darkly. “Oh what is that? I would love to hear from a twelve year olds perspective.”

“You know it’s your entire fault.”

“What is?”

She sighed sadly. “The baby.”



All the oxygen in the room seemed to cease to exist. I’d never been so angry in my whole life; Not at Bellatrix for ruining my life, not at my father for nearly killing me. I started visibly shaking as tears of fury rocked in my eyes.

Authors Note:

Chapter Sixteen:            Loosing All Control   By: Rooney
Chapter Seventeen:      Uprising                      By: Muse
Chapter Eighteen:         Won't Stop                   By:  OneRepublic
Chapter Nineteen:         Yesterday                    By: The Beatles
Chapter Twenty:             When it Rains             By: Paramore

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it. I worked really hard on this chapter so do me a favor PLEASE REVIEW! I don't care if it's just a line i just would love to hear anything from you guys! Oh and can someone PLEASE make me a banner? I can't stand mine and i can't seem to make a better one. So if someone would PLEEEEEEASE make one i'd be eternally in their debt.

Chapter 21: The World Will Never Do
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]


I felt myself shaking as tears flowed down my cheeks recklessly but I couldn’t comprehend it. She didn’t say it. I felt the electricifying infuriation surge through my veins as she stood in front of me unruffled and still. I hated her.



“Get the fuck away from me.”



I practically ran away from her. I didn’t know where I was going but I just had to move. I couldn’t stay there…She kept an even distance from as she walked behind me as I rushed down the steps as fast as I could walk. I just had to keep moving. I was so fragile I knew if I even slowed down in the slightest I’d break. It wouldn’t be a small thing. My armor was cracking and I didn’t think I could take the downfall.




“You’re,” I gulped down some saliva violently, “Saying I caused it?!”

“Yes,” She told me simply, “It as in all of it.”

I wanted to throttle her throat and I nearly did. “How the HELL was it my fault?!”

“You could have lied to your father.”

“I wasn’t ashamed of it! I wasn’t going to lie anymore about Sirius!”

She shrugged, “And you see how that worked out.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! IT WASN’T MY FAULT!” I spat venomously pacing back and forth to steady myself.

Her voice was cold. “You assumed Sirius didn’t love you and gave up on you so you wouldn’t feel so guilty about what you did.”


Lexi wouldn’t. She wasn’t scared of me; I could see it in her eyes. She knew she was right.  “You could have ran away with him. Instead you faced the one man you knew would hate you for what you did. Then you couldn’t bear to look Sirius in the face because you knew-“

“SHUT UP!” I roared taking her by the throat.

“You knew,” she continued in a ragged whisper as I pinned her against the cold hard stone wall, “He wouldn’t look at you the same way. That he’d blame you.”

I was crying too hard. It was hard to see. “No!”

“You don’t want to see these memories because you know he’d be right. That everyone was right for blaming you.”

“No! THAT’S NOT TRUE!” I shouted loudly dropping her and rushing away from her.

“Really? Then why are you running away?”

I was half way down the staircase when she said that. I froze and crumbled. She was right. I couldn’t take it. The healers words started echoing in my head as I dropped to the floor. I fought to gain control but I couldn’t. “SHUT ….UH UP!”

“And whatever part of you didn’t blame yourself blamed him too.” She told me softly.

I didn’t deny it.

“Because if he hadn’t made you fall in love with him you would have never married him and gotten pregnant.”



I didn’t say anything. I just curled my knees up into my chest and tried to clear my eyes of the water that had sprouted out of them. After a minute I was able to see her again. She looked like she regretted this conversation. Not because of what she said but of the effect it had on me. I then stopped crying so hysterically and considered what she said without letting myself get worked up again. It hit me hard and swiftly. The sincerity of her tone, the knowing in her eyes; she was right. It was my fault and…I did blame Sirius. I couldn’t legalize it until I saw that girl kiss him. I propelled that into a reason to hate him. To blame him for…everything. My excuse was that the miscarriage killed me, which wasn’t far from the truth but wasn’t the truth. The truth was I was scared to try. In one fail swoop I lost everything and I was terrified that if Sirius had found that I lost his baby he would hate me and blame me like I did. So I didn’t fight. Lexi sat on the floor in front of me attentively.



“You done?” I asked her in a breath.

She shook her head and moved forward. I froze until I felt her small muscular arms wrap around me. “Almost.”

I let out a shaky laugh because…I needed that. “...Why did you do this?”

“Because,” She helped me to my feet. “It really wasn’t your fault.”

I starred at her oddly. “What?”

“Come on how were you supposed to know how you’re father would react? He wasn’t violent when you were growing up plus you didn’t know you were pregnant.”

“…Then why did you just say all that to me then?”

“To make you see clearly. Come on.”



I followed her down the remaining staircase in haze. I didn’t know what else she was going to throw at me but considering I was already broken I just let it happen. She went into the empty hospital wing and my legs locked at the door way. She didn’t make me move or ask me to. Lexi just got out the same dust and spread it across the room.




This time I was in the bed unconscious while Sirius and Parker stood above my bed. No one else was in the room but from the darkness of the room I could tell it was late. I never saw how bad I looked. My body was completely broken from all the hits I had taken and Madame Promfrey had me on a strong sedative so I could sleep dreamlessly while she healed me. Parker and Sirius looked shattered. Sirius’s was in a chair directly next to my bed. He held my hand, his wedding ring prominently beaming on his left hand and his head hung in anguish. Parker was trying to stay composed but failing horribly as he looked anywhere but at me.



“What are you going to do?” Parker asked quietly.

Sirius shook his head, “I don’t know what I can do.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we got back from break I went to her house to see her…She wouldn’t see me. I’ve tried to talk to her several times but she just disappeared. I’ve owled her at least 10 times a day…” He gritted his teeth. “And I heard she’s engaged to Regulus.”

Parker’s scowled darkly. “I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“Why wouldn’t she see me?” Sirius glanced up with Parker, tears gleaming in his grey eyes, “Why won’t she let me help her out of this?”

“I dunno mate.” Parker sat in the seat across from Sirius’s dejectedly, “I don’t know how she got herself into this hole but she refuses to see me. She says she doesn’t want to me bring me down with her.”

“It’s only going to get worse for her.”

“I know this is the last thing you want to hear but …” Parker let out sharp breath, “You might need to let go mate. Honestly whatever she’s gotten herself into it’s obvious she doesn’t want you involved. I will start walking with her everywhere and alert the teachers but …you may being her more harm than good. She wouldn’t push you away if she didn’t have a good reason.”




Sirius took this information in slowly before reaching over touching my face lightly with the side of his hand. His expression was so tender and sincere. In that moment Parker saw just how much Sirius loved me.



I felt the tears come back, this time I let them.



If you love her.” Parker began now positive of the answer, “You have to let her go.”

Sirius took back his hand. “I don’t…” He blinked back tears angrily, “I don’t know if I can.”

“Sometimes loving someone is putting them first and even breaking your heart to do it. It’s a lot but I’m not asking for me. Look at her tell me and you wouldn’t do this for her.”



Sirius looked at me. He focused on my features, clenched his eyes tightly before opening his eyes and letting go of my hand. Then…with everything in him telling him not to he got up and went to the door. He stopped for a minute with a laugh.




“You know I’d always thought I’d screw this up.” He admitted to Parker, “I always thought she was way too good for me and there was no way I’d be able to compete…” Then he looked at me. He looked at me like he would never see me again. Like he was trying to capture every moment in that one glance. “Now…I know that at least I walk away being a better man.”



And he was gone.



Lexi walked over to me and slinked her arm around me so I would cry into her shoulder. I was a fool. I ran away from him because I was scared. But that was…stupid. He forgave me. He still loved me. After everything that man still loved me.



“I’ve been so stupid.” I stammered.

She laughed heartedly. “It’s understandable but guess what?”


“You can leave now.”

I never really needed her permission she never made me stay but her saying so made me feel free. “Thanks.”

She stared at me in a way I didn’t recognize. “You’re welcome.”




I wiped my face laughingly. “I must look awful.”

“Come on,” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and steered me to the bathroom. “Let’s clean you up.”



I wiped off my smeared makeup, washed my face. I felt like I was washing my life, washing my soul. I took a few breaths to calm myself and allowed the serene silence to take me over as my heart started beating a little slower. Lexi pushed herself up onto the counter next to the sink. She looked around the room with an odd expression. I couldn’t read her. Catching me looking at her she pulled out some tubes of make-up.



“Re-apply.” She told me simply.

I did.



It didn’t take as long before. It was more natural, like it used to be. This bathroom held a lot of those memories, the kind that were so simple I didn’t need Lexi’s dust for me to remember….




“Jules,” Taylor scoffed as she added some eyeliner. “Can you pass me my mascara?”

I threw it at her as I put some chapstick on and kicked my legs off the counters edge.




“Can I ask you something?”


“Why weren’t you mad at your friends?” She muttered as she tucked her hair behind her ear, “I mean they gave you up.”

I stopped and shrugged, “Because I knew they would. I grew up with them. I knew from the start what they would do if I went rogue.”

“So you just let it go?”

“Yeah…I mean they were my closest friends but at the end of the day they weren’t what was important.” I frowned, “It hurt but it was manageable.”




I didn’t look at her but I knew that question wasn’t just out of curiosity. That question came from a personal place. I wish I knew why she just seemed so …familiar.  Her eyes especially….i couldn’t quite seem to put my finger on it…



“You look pretty.” She remarked jumping off the counter gracefully and distracting me from my thoughts.

“Thank you.”



We walked out and I sighed. Memories swirled around me. I spent seven years in this castle but instead of getting sad I let go. I let go of the baggage that prevented me from wanting to enter this place in the first place. The past was the past and it was about time I learned to not forget it or bury it but to leave it. Lexi and I walked to the boundary point and I saw her face start to fall the closer we got. When we reached it she let out a long breath.



“This is where I leave you.”

I frowned. I had really become attached to this persistent teenager kicking my ass. “Do you have to?”

“Unfortunately.” Lexi answered gloomly.



Then I moved forward and hugged her. She was taken completely off-guard which wasn’t surprising given my chilliness but it felt good. No it felt right.




“Thank you.” I told her sincerely.

She gave me a watery smile. “You’re welcome.”

“Why are you so familiar?” I just blurted it out. I couldn’t help it. She did so much she had to have a reason.

Lexi gave me a mysterious smirk. “Don’t worry you’ll meet me soon.”



And with that she took out her time turner and left. Somehow it felt like a little piece of me went with her.



I apparated to Sirius’s flat apprehensively. I wasn’t sure how he’d react. Would he be mad I left? Would he understand? I raised my knuckles to the door when I heard a loud crashing sound inside. Scared I whipped out my wand and broke the door open. My jaw dropped as I saw my own brother being pulled off Sirius by James. I got in between them and threw my brother off of my husband.




Nik then looked at me as if he never saw me before. “Jules I-“

“Why would you attack him?!”

“Because Mim said he was so abusive he sent you to the hospital three years ago.”

I glowered. Mim… “That would be dad Nik.”


“Look,” I sighed wearingly, “I really don’t have the energy to explain it to you but you owe him one hell of an apology.”

Nik didn’t look convinced. “If he didn’t hit you why did Mim think he did?”

“I don’t know!” I shouted back frustratedly.

“Well then who is he?!”

“My husband you jack ass!”



There are many silences in the world that are comfortable but this wasn’t one of them. With the heavy mounts of testosterone and tension running high in the room added with that lovely chaotic revelation there was no way it could be. No one said anything for a moment. I took the lead.



I went over to Sirius. “Sirius this is my older brother Nik. He works at the daily prophet.” I gave my brother a steely glare, “Nik this is Sirius.”

Neither put out a hand.

“DEAR GOD!” I yelled angrily. “Look Sirius,” I turned to him softly. “I’m sorry okay. I just…I was scared. It was a lot to process and I just couldn’t…” I then moved on to Nik. “You are a complete tool. You didn’t speak to me until two years ago when we just ran into each other. I’m not married to an abusive asshole! I fell in love with Sirius and married him. Dad didn’t approve so he beat me so hard I had a miscarriage and BEFORE YOU ASK I wasn’t pregnant before I said 'I do.' Then dad said if I ever spoke to Sirius again he’d kill him.”

Nik was at a loss for words. He ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. “Um...Wow…”

“Yeah,” I snapped at him feisty, “So if you don’t mind I will see you tomorrow.”

He nodded numbly walking out the door. “Married…” He muttered under his breath confusedly.



I shut the door and smiled at James. “Hi James.”

He raised his eyebrows at the use of his first name. “Hi …uh…”

“You don’t have to call me by my first name.” I laughed at his uneasiness.


James gave Sirius a look. “Um…I’ll see you later mate and …yeah.” Then he apparated out leaving me with Sirius.



“You mad?”

He shook his head and leaned back against the wall.

“You upset?”

“No Jules.”

I moved to him and looked at the black eye that was swelling over his eye. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius looked at me and I knew he realized I wasn’t just talking about Nik. He glanced away. “Look if this is not going to work…If I pushed you too hard. If you don’t want-“

I cupped his face boldly. “I love you.”

“You don’t have to-“



I jumped up and kissed him. It was an impulse but I didn’t regret it. I missed this. This fire. I brought my hands to his neck and tugged his face towards mine as his hands went up the back of my shirt. He pulled me tighter against his muscular chest as our lips parted with each burning touch. Jolts of heat shoot from my lips to my toes as he kissed me feverishly. I melted into him as I released any inhibitions and showed him exactly how I’d always felt about him. When he broke it off I smiled so big I could almost hear my cheeks crying out in pain but I didn’t care. He hoisted me up so I was inches from his face so close I could see the three speck freckles along the side of his nose.



“Are you sure?”

I nodded beaming, “Never been so sure.”

“Good,” He breathed happily, “Because I wasn’t prepared to lose you twice. As soon as I saw you when Dumbledore brought you to the order I knew…”

“What? What did you know?”

His smile broke slightly, “That this would happen.”

“I thought you stopped caring…” I admitted sadly.

He tipped up my chin with his free hand lovingly. “I will always give a damn about you. There's nobody else to care so much about.” Sirius lowered his head to my neck smoothly, “I love you too much for me to let us become a memory of what could have been.”

“So, I’m guessing living together isn’t out of the question.” I smiled coyly.

Sirius put me down and grabbed his necklace. I watched as he took it apart and slipped the ring on his finger. “Let’s go get yours…Please tell me you didn’t burn it.”

I laughed. “No, of course not.”

“Well then come on.”

I grabbed his hand and apparated to my old flat. It was quiet and hollow. No Renee. I didn’t let it get to me I went into my room, into my drawer and held the box out to him. “See for yourself.”



Sirius opened the box and smirked before taking it out and putting over my second finger. I felt my face glow as he slipped it all the way down. It still fit.



“Mrs. Black-“

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around him warmly. “As I said before. I’m keeping my name.”

Authors Note:

Thank you for reading! Only a few chapters left guys. So PLEASE REVIEW! I don't know why theres been a sudden drop of reviews. Have you guys lost interest?! Have you stopped liking this story?! It makes me worry when i get no feedback. Like you guys don't like it enough to review. So please prove me wrong!

Chapter 22: All I Wanted
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A loud annoying buzzer went off next to me, I groaned. I had to get up. Yawning I hit the button to stop the alarm from blaring in my ear any longer and sat up. Sirius turned over and pulled his pillow over his head maturely. I snorted at that and went to take a shower. It was weird but after two days of living here I had learned my way around perfectly. So barefoot I slipped into the shower and used his shampoo. Half way through shampooing I started laughing because printed clearly on the bottle were the words baby shampoo. It took me only fifteen minutes to fully shower. Then I grabbed a towel from the counter and wrapped it around myself tightly before going back into the living area. Sirius was sitting up, shirtless, reading the daily prophet with a grin on his face.



“You know this area is pretty damn open.” I remarked as I rushed over to my box of clothes.

He shrugged. “I never had a problem.”

“Of course you didn’t. You don’t mind if someone walks in while you’re sleeping.” I told him snottily as I grabbed a long sleeve shirt and some jeans.

“You want to move into a bigger place?”

I shrugged half heartedly, “The only problem with this one is we have no privacy.”

“Want to move into yours?”

“I don’t know…I mean do you want to live there?”

He smiled. “It didn’t look too bad. This is more of a bachelor pad anyway.”

With baby shampoo included,” I added under my breath wryly.

“You got a problem with my shampoo?”

I smirked, “I just forgot that I was married to a man boy.”

“Well I’m glad you’ve received the memo.” Sirius spread out his arms and stretched gradually. “What do you have to do today?”

“Go to work, fill out some paper work and probably go on mission. Then at like two lunch with Chloe. Before we go see the church and make sure everything’s set up. Then the rehearsal dinner.”

“Which I have to dress nice to?”

I nodded and pulled on a bra and tugged my shirt over my head. “And please try to ignore me brother. I don’t know if he’s just reincarnating five years of buried brotherly concern or what but he’ll get over it.”

“Why doesn’t like me?”

“To be honest with you I have no idea…” I let out a low breath and pulled on my underwear and dropped the towel.

“Are you hungry?”

I smiled at him. “Yeah.”

“Want some pancakes?”

“Sure,” I pulled on my pants and leaned over to kiss him. “Will you burn them again?"

He brought me down to the bed bluntly and tossed me on top of him. Before gently brushing my hair out of my face, “You still don’t know how to cook anything but eggs do you?”

“Oh sod off!” I scoffed heaving myself off him only to be grabbed into a kiss.



It was gentle at first. His lip were barely brushing against mine for moments until our lips parted and his tongue slipped into my mouth. His grip on me tightened. Sirius flipped me over without breaking the kiss, his hand moving up my shirt as the other caressed my cheek. I shivered at his touch and ran my hands along his soft well-built back. Then, without any warning, he stopped. Aburptly he went into the kitchen and started getting out cooking supplies.



“What was that?!”

He turned to look at me with a look of exhaustion. “If we kept that up you wouldn’t make it to work.”



I laughed as he faced the stove and began cooking. With a sigh I buttoned up the buttons on my shirt that had somehow come undone. With little effort I went up behind him, tilted my neck up so I could reach his shoulder and left a trail of small kisses.



“Thank you.”

I felt his torso shake as he snorted, “As much as I want to ...and believe me I do. I know how important your job is to you.”

“Oh well thank you for not tempting me.” I leaned against him but a dark owl in the window caught my eye.



Opening the window the owl dropped a letter in my hands with my name labed on it. I opened it and found a list of names. There must have been a hundred names of girls. I didn’t understand the importance until I read the bottom.


‘All girls who have slept with your husband in the past three years.’



I sat on his bed and starred over at him. He whistled innocently as he flipped my pancakes and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Instead I walked over to him, handed him the letter and said. “I’m not hungry anymore.”


I grabbed my purse and walked out of his apartment. I could have apparated out but I had too much anger going on to think logically. Of course he had girlfriends in the past three years. I didn’t expect him to be a monk like me... or did I? I mean I clearly wasn’t coming back so could I really be mad at him? Going outside I walked down the street and apparated out of an alley and into the ministry. No one gave me weird looks I was in a thick crowd of people and for once I blended in. It took a few minutes to fight through the crowd before I made it to the elevator. I was next to a bunch of people I knew but never worked with. None of them acknowledged me. It wasn’t untypical but it was a bit weird. Usually one of them would say something to me but instead they all just starred forward like I didn’t exist. I got off on the third floor and walked over to my cubical. Alice got to me first. Her hair was piled ontop of her head and her jeans were ripped. She looked



“Alice what’s-“

She grabbed my arms. “Some high ministry official is interrogating us to look for moles.”


“Lestrange escaped custody last night.”

My jaw tightened. “WHAT?!”

“Yeah! So she’s interrogating people she already fired three people for insubordination.”


“Yeah. I checked your appointment's in twenty minutes.”

I swore under my breath. “Great….Thanks for warning me Alice. I’ll go get my paperwork together.”



I rushed off to my desk to find it in disarray. Someone had gone through all my files. All of them. I went over to Lorenzo’s desk to find him reading the Daily Prophet calmly. None of his desk was disturbed. His legs were propped up on his desk his face was somber, his eyes had deep setted bags underneath them and he looked …miserable. When I cleared my throat I saw his eyes darken and his chin tense up. Clearly I was not wanted.



“What happened to my desk?”

He refused to answer.


Nothing. He even turned the page and pretended to read the next one. Which I would have believed if his eyes had moved even just an inch from the spot he was glaring at on the paper.

Lor-enzo.” I repeated scathingly as I moved next to him.

He still didn’t give me the time of day.

“Look I don’t know what your problem is. I’ve been owling you since I got out of the hospital.” I told him hotly but he remained unfazed.

Lorenzo then had the nerve to turn to the next page.

“You’re being a baby. Just talk to me.”


“Lorenzo. Are you serious right now you are being so fuc-“ I started fiercly but I was interrupted.

“Hem-Hem.” A high pitched woman cleared her throat nosily causing me to turn and stare at her furiously. There stood a squat little woman with a bow in her hair and a bright pink cardigan on.


She chuckled at me condescendingly and I had the strangest urge to slap her across herself entitled face. “Ms. Paxton I’m assuming?”

“How can I help you?”

She chuckled again. “Well I’m here to fix some of the leaks in this department. So I was wondering if we could have a quick chat to see how we can improve your work activity.”

I looked at Lorenzo for support. I didn’t get it so I shrugged and put a big fake smile on my face. “Sure.”


“Please sit down Ms. Paxton.”

I shook my head feigning politeness. “No thank you. I’d rather stand.”

“Okay well then let’s just get down to it then.”


“First question,” She smiled creepily.

“How long have you been working here?”

I crossed my arms. “Three years.”

“Oh no," She laughed coldly to herself, "I was referring to your actual active duty not your internship.”

“Seven months,” I told her icily.

“And what is the relationship between you and Lorenzo DeMarko?”

My body tensed up involuntarily. “Excuse me?”

“What is the relationship between you and Lorenzo DeMarko?”

“He’s my partner.”

She pushed on. “Just your partner?”

“What are you implying?”

“I have some reports,” She pulled out a file with my name written on it. It was pretty thick. “That say otherwise.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Look I’ve never had anything but a professional relationship with him but I would like to know who my accuser is.”

That’s classified. Now I see her you were at St. Mungos recently…right when Rudolphus Lestrange escaped actually…”

“I was the one who arrested him.” I breathed furiously, “How can you think I had something to do with this?”

She smiled up at me sweetly it made me sick. “I’m not accusing you of anything Ms. Paxton I’m merely inquiring on your whereabouts. Just how did a qualified Auror get captured by Death Eaters and manage to escape?”

“They kidnapped my roommate. I went after her and they caught me.”

“How did you get out? Did you make a deal with them?”

I seethed at her. “No. My husband came and rescued us.”

“Ah yes…A Mr.….Mr. Black. A man with no experience or knowledge of rescue work.”

“Do you have any concrete questions? I have some work I have to get back to. If you don’t believe my sincerity read my case file more clearly. I have more arrests than Thompson and Jefferies combined!”

She surveyed my reaction and wrote a small note in her notes. “I see.”

“I understand your purpose here but honestly I don’t see what my relationships have anything to do with my loyalty to the ministry.”

“Your husband is Sirius Black as in the heir to the Black family fortune. His cousin is Bellatrix Lestrange Rudolphus’s wife. See the connection?”

I was livid. “My husband,” I spat defensively, “Was disowned. He hasn’t seen any of his relatives in years and if he did he would turn them in. He didn’t want to be in that family. He couldn’t help who he’s related to.”

“It still leaves questions-”

“Well I’m answering them. I’m in no way affiliated with any Death Eater and neither is my husband.”

Umbridge screwed her face up. “Very well.”

“Any job related questions or concerns?”

“No,” She shuffled her papers, “I will meet with you later this we to continue this session.”

I headed to the door, “Looking forward to it!”



Storming back to my cubical I felt enraged at myself. Why did I just walk out on Sirius? I needed to stop running away from him. If that little meeting with Umbridge taught me anything it was that I needed to stop holding onto the bad things and just talk to him. I had expected him to wait for me. It was unreasonable. He was guy and I had kicked him to the curb. How could I expect him to just be celibate and miss me? My coping method was becoming detached and refusing to get close to anyone. His was sex. It was meaningless so how could I have gotten so furious? And what the hell was with Lorenzo? Did i do something to personally offend that asshole? And why did Umbridge think I was the leak? I was more loyal than half the Auror’s in this place!



Storming out of the interrogation room I planned my next actions. I would owl Sirius and apologize. I had to stop leaving when I didn’t like something. It wasn’t a good habit and I needed to stop. I would confront Lorenzo, shake him if necessary and demand to know what the hell his problem was. Tell Moody about Umbridge and see if he could back me so I wouldn’t have to do so much damage control. I can’t believe I yelled at her….I never lose my cool at work. Ever. I was losing my mind. Turning the corner I was fully ready to handle my life when I saw Sirius by my desk. A smile jumped onto my face as I realized he came to speak to me.He came after me... I moved faster until I saw Lorenzo stand up and say something  to him. Lorenzo then shoved Sirius hard in the chest. I paused in horror watching helplessly as Lorenzo decked Sirius in the face. I ran to get in between them.



“WHAT IN-THE-HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” I turned on Lorenzo’s smirking face quickly, “WHY DID YOU HIT HIM?!”

Lorenzo glowered at Sirius darkly. “He had it coming.”


“You wouldn’t understand!”

I poked him hard in the chest. “Oh really I wouldn’t?! Then explain it to me.”

“He has you!”

My heart stopped in my chest. “What?”



Lorenzo looked at my left hand and walked away without another word, leaving a crestfallen me and a bruised Sirius alone in his wake. I didn’t know what to say. I moved towards Sirius in bewilderment.



“What was that about?”

He scowled. “Clearly you.”

But …” I hesitated, “I don’t understand. He’s never ... why would he be mad at you?”

“I’ll explain it later,” He told me hastily rubbing his swollen eye. “This is what I get for coming to apologize for something."

“You don’t need to apologize. I do. I should have expected you to be a virgin after we broke up.” I told him taking out my wand and creating ice to put on his face. “You don’t deserve this.”

He sighed, “Actually he owed me one.”


“Look I’ll explain it later. I’ll see you at the rehersal dinner okay?”

“Yeah…Okay.” I kissed him gently and he went off moodily.

Alice came over mystified. “Well you know how to clear a room.”

“Yeah,” I glanced at Lorenzo’s empty desk. “I guess I do.”

“Come on,” She moved me into my cubical.

I sat down at my desk and leaned back in my chair uneasily. “I really am skilled at getting myself in the worst situations.”

“Here I’ll tell you what. I’ll help you with your paperwork if you talk.”

I starred at her in surprise. “Okay.”

“Start with Sirius. When the hell did you two have time to get married?”

I laughed and it broke any lingering tension in the air. “Three years ago.”

 “Do you love him?”

“Yeah…” I sighed, “Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I didn’t.”

“That’s a pretty ring.” Her smiled warmly.

My smiled matched hers as I stared down on it. “Yeah,” I whispered fondly, “He couldn’t  afford anything else. He didn’t have money back then….He spent all the money had on it.”



“Sirius,” I breathed happily starring down at my own hand. “It’s beautiful.”

“It better be.”

I gave him a confused look then frowned. “Please don’t tell me you spent all your money on me.”

“What if I did?”

“Sirius! I can’t accept this! It’s too much-“

He put a finger to my lips and he smiled. “I don’t care how much it costed. Money I can make. You deserve something as beautiful as you are.”


“Do you not like it?”

I looked horrified at the thought. “Of course I like it!”

“Then shut up and accept it.” Then before I could protest he drew me into another kiss.



“That’s sweet…you know.” Alice beamed pulling me out of my memory. “It sucks though.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at her. “Why?”

“Because.” She shrugged, “You could have been with him all this time. I mean when you came in I couldn’t even tell you two knew each other let alone…” Alice drifted off, “And we’re trained to see that kind of stuff.”

“We were trying to forget it.” I admitted sheepishly.

Alice put the finished papers on the counter and we continued talking. “How’d your interrogation go?”

“I’m probably going to be on probation. “ I revealed guiltily, “I didn’t mean to well…yell at her but I couldn’t help it she was being completely unprofessional.”

“Me too.” Alice scoffed, “She kept asking if I planned on being pregnant in the next year. I was like, ‘How the hell is that any of your business?’”

“Yeah I was about to deck her in the face.”

Alice snorted, “Not the wisest decision but I wouldn’t hold you back.”

I paused and considered something before speaking. “How’s Lily?”

Alice’s face darkened. “Not so good.”

“…I was thinking…” I blurted out loud. “I could …talk to her. I mean I know it’s weird between us and she hardly knows me but…I lost a baby too. I can’t understand how she feels exactly but I can relate.”

“You…” Alice stared at me oddly, “You lost a baby?”

“Three years ago.” I confessed.

She put down the papers and starred at me sympathetically. “I’m sorry…I had no idea.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“Well,” Alice began uncertainly, “If you feel up to talking to her. I’m sure it would make a difference.”

I shifted my weight. “If it wouldn’t be too awkward. I don’t want to upset her.”

“Honestly I don’t think James knows what to do anymore.”

“I’ll try and see if I can help.”



We spent the next three and half hours on small talk. It was strange. Alice was always very nice to me but this was so unusual. I was never was the girl that had a group of girlfriends. I always just got along better with guys they are more…manageable. But after a few minutes of conversation my perception was altering. I could talk to girls. I just needed to ease into it. We even laughed a few times. When my  timer went off I felt sad. I didn’t want to leave my new friend but Alice understood.



“Thanks for helping me. “ I smiled at her sincerely.

She grinned back. “Anytime. Owl me about Lily later.”

“I will.”

“Are you off the rest of the day?”

“Yep, I have to help the bride to be.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I laughed clearing off my desk and making my way to the elevators.


Making my way into the elevator I rubbed my eyes. It was two o’clock and already I was ready for sleep.



Chloe sat in the back of the restaurant. She wore white long earrings with her chocolate hair pulled back off her face and an adorable blue and white pokadot dress. Her bright eyes searched across the massive seating chart that took up nearly half the table. I laughed at her and sat down in the chair opposite her.



“Are you okay?”

“If I can’t figure this out I’m going to throw my plate at the ugly mustached guy that keeps starring at me.” Chloe threatened grumpily.

I took the plate from her and scooted my chair closer to hers so I could examine the problem. “Okay Maid of Honor reporting for duty. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t figure out what to do. My families so big….and like ten of your relatives are even bothering to show up.”

“Believe me it’s better that way.” I glanced at the tables and shook my head at her. “You put my Uncle Henry at the back table with Aunt Mindy…”

Chloe looked at me confusedly. “Yeah your uncle who’s in the wheel chair and his sister whose-“

The one that crippled him in the first place.” I finished in agony, “You realized you put him between her in the bar right?”

“Oh shit.”

I pulled out my wand and put Aunt Mindy next to the bar and Uncle Henry three people down from her. “Mind if I fix a few other things?”

She raised her hands in agreement.

I waved my wand and fixed a few easy mistakes and struggled to remember her family history. “Wait Chloe. Doesn’t your mother hate your grandfather?”


“Well you put them right next to each other.” I laughed softly, “Here,” I put my wand back in my pocket. “How’s that?”

She let out a sigh of relief after taking in the changes. “Better. Thanks.”

“Anything else?”

“We have to check out the church after we’re done eating and …” She held her breath for exaggeration. “Talk to Mim.”

I wasn’t too pleased with Mim but I thought it was funny how Chloe felt about Mim. “She’s really not that bad.”

“She tried to manipulate Nik to see her so he could set her up with ‘nice girls’ while we were dating, tried to break us up by telling Nik that I seemed like a decent girl but not good enough for him and made Nik attack your husband for some ass-backwards reason.”

I cringed. “Yeah…I guess you’re right.”

“Speaking of which have you talked to Nik?”

“He sent me an apology letter but I’m sure you pushed him to write it.”

Chloe didn’t refute it. “You know you’re brother better than anybody. He’s stubborn as hell. I did inform him that you were bringing Sirius to the wedding and if he had any problems he could shove off.”

“Thanks Chloe.” I replied before sipping my water.

“Of course… Though I have yet to meet this guy. I feel like I’ve heard his name before though….Anyway what’s going on with you? You look frazzled.”

I massaged my temples. “Just …stuff.”


“Lorenzo getting into a fight with Sirius at the ministry…”

Her eyes widened with delight. “They fought over you?!”

“I’m not sure but Lorenzo said something weird…”

“That he loves you?”

I let out a sharp breath of outrage. “Why does everybody think that?”

“Because he does.” Chloe answered simply before turning to the waiter and ordering, “What do you want Jules?”

“Hamburger, fries and a big chocolate shake please.”

She let out a low whistle as the waiter left. “Stress eating much?”

“Yeah well I deserve it.”

“Alright well then let’s talk about a brighter subject…Have you spoken to your parent’s recently?”

I let out a grunt of laughter. “What?”

“Well I thought if I went into the subject from an odd angle…” She began with a knowing smile on her face.

“No. I have not.”

Chloe pursed her lips. “They sent RSVP’s.”

“I thought they refused.” I whined immaturely.

“Apparently your grandmother spoke with them.”

I gave her an questioning glance. “They weren’t on the seating chart.”

“You bet your ass they aren’t. I refuse to be in the same room as those people. They can come to the ceremony but I’ll be damned if they show up to the reception.”

I could have hugged her. “Thatta girl.”

“There's just so much shit...I almost wish we would just go to a minister and ask him to marry us."

"Except that you've already paid for everything."

"So?" Chloe complained softly.

I reached over and rubbed her back sympathetically. "Think about it this way. You get to show everyone how much you love my dumb ass brother and wear a pretty dress."

"Yeah but wasn't it easier the way you did it?"

"Honestly i always wanted a big wedding. The cake, the guests, the band. I wanted all of that."

Chloe looked shocked. "Really?"

"Well i figured if i was going to commit my whole life to somebody i might as well kiss my single life goodbye with a bang."

"Good point," She mused thoughtfully, "What's your song anyway?"

"We don't have one...What's yours?"

A smile crept onto her lips. "The Sweetest Thing By: U2."


"You really don't have a song?"

An embarrassed blush consumed my face and i shifted in my seat.

"You totally do."

"Shut up."

"What is it? I bet it's really sappy."

I glowered and took my food from the waiter. "Don't worry about it."

"I'll figure it out." She assured me.

"Alright." I shot back grabbing the ketchup bottle. "But Parker doesn't know that and Sirius probably doesn't remember it."

Chloe shook her head, "I'm sure he does. Don't worry I’ll interrogate him during the rehearsal dinner tonight."

"Yeah," I mocked as she practically swallowed her club sandwich whole, "Because that's what I’m worried about."



An hour and a half later I was sitting in a well lit church. Chloe was talking to the minister about something but I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t needed. As I rested my back against the bench I began to drift off into my thoughts. Mim came over and took the seat next to me.



“Chloe may be French but she has no sense of style.” Mim breathed haughtily. “I mean really…cherry for the bridesmaid’s dresses?”

It took me a few seconds to work up the nerve to speak. When I did my voice was calm and rational. “Why did you lie to Nik?

"Juliette this is neither the time nor the place-“Mim started with her heavy accent but I cut her off with a glance.

“My father hit me.” I declared softly, my lips trembling. “My father nearly killed me. My father was the one to blame.”

Mim glanced away from me evasively. “That’s not the point.”

“That’s the entire point.” I stared at her unwaveringly. “Mim, look at me.”

“Juliette…don’t push it.”

“You can ignore me but I’m not going to stop talking. You knew what happened. I know you did. So why would you try and punish Sirius?”

She let out a scaling breath. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“Bullshit.” I told her scornfully, “I don’t even know why you like Lorenzo so much.”

“Because he’s good for you and I know you love him.”

I scowled. “No I don’t. I used to have feelings for him when I met him but I realized that I’d rather be alone then be in a relationship someone that I just care for. I don’t think that’s something you’d understand.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I saw how you were with Pepere. You loved him. You were devoted to him and you married him because you loved him. Can you say the same for your current marriage?” I felt my voice shake, “I lied to you because I knew you wouldn’t understand.”



Mim remained silent and I knew I was right. She was racist but she usually never enforced it. I always let her believe I was engaged to Regulus and that it all was just one big accident that just...happened. I wasn’t pretending anymore. The truth was out and I wasn’t going to go around anybody’s feelings anymore.




“I love you Mim but I haven’t spoken to my parent’s, family and friends since that night and I don’t intend to break that,” My gaze was fierce. “Right now you and Nik are the only exceptions…Don’t make me put you on that list.”



Then I forced myself to stand up and walk away.



When I got home it was seven and Sirius was nowhere to be found. We had the rehearsal dinner in a half hour and somehow I knew he wouldn’t be coming. Walking over to the closet I found my dress for tomorrow next to his suite. I pushed them out of the way and grabbed the knee length black dress I had planned to wear tonight and started to put it on.

Authors Note:

Thank you for reading! I truly appreciate the reviews you guys! I almost cried when i saw how many their were. PLEASE CONTINUE REVIEWING! I only have a few chapters left before this story is over so please tell me what you think before it's too late!

Chapter 23: What It's Like
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The rehearsal dinner went well. Chloe was glowing, Nik talked about how much he loved her. My brother looked adorable in his tie and jacket, almost like a grown up. I couldn’t believe he was getting married he’s only twenty four but then again Chloe is twenty three. Other than that though it was what you'd expect. Everyone was dancing and boozing it up but I couldn’t find it in myself to have fun. I could have put it off as I was tired but the truth was I didn’t feel like partying. My heart wasn't in it. When I got back to the flat Sirius wasn’t there. So I just sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the vacant space blankly. I didn’t know where he was  for sure but I had a vague idea. Something however stopped me from going there now. Maybe it was the fact that in just a few hours I would be in hell. Chloe…dear, sweet Chloe didn’t ask her sister to be her Maid of Honor. No she asked me because she knows that her seventeen year old sister could not come close to handling all the drama that naturally erupts from a simple wedding ceremony.


I took of my dress combed out my hair and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank top on. It was nine o’clock; I left the party early. Rising I went over to his dresser. There were some odd knickknacks scattered across the surface but my eyes focused on the five framed pictures standing boldly in the center. The first was of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Judging by their uniform of no shirts, swim trunks and dripping hair, I assumed they all had just gotten out of the black lake.  They had their arms around each other and were grinning ear to ear; they couldn’t have been older than sixteen. The next was of James, Lily, Sirius and Remus at what looked like James’s wedding considering their age and their dressage.  Remus had one of James’s arms while Sirius had the other. Lily was beaming as she shoved a piece of white cake into her husband’s face. A smile floated onto my face at the pure revulsion and betrayal on James’s face. The next was of James and Sirius. They had to have been twelve with Sirius’s lack of five o’clock shadow and their small sizes. They were in their Gryffindor Quidditch robes with huge grins on their faces.  The next frame was of Sirius and James with what looked like James’s parents. Mrs. Potter was a petite woman, with large dark eyes and a kind smile. Mr. Potter on the other hand was a tall and fit man even though he looked well into his fifties. He also had James’s half hazard jet black hair and wore glasses similar to the ones I always saw James wear. My smile faltered slightly when I saw the last picture. It was of Sirius when he was around thirteen with his Uncle Alphard. His uncle had his arm around the small boys shoulder with a look of pure affection, something I knew Sirius never received from the rest of his family.



I let out a shallow breath and fidgeted nervously. Sirius noticed and gave me an easy smile. “Hey.”

“What?” I retorted too quickly as I became defensive.

“You nervous?”

I gave him a look. “No,” I lied horribly.

“Jules.” He muttered knowingly.

“Fine!” I whispered surprisingly loudly, “I’m nervous!” I let out another cutting breath. “I’ve met your horrible parent’s on several occasions and you hate them so I never had to worry about impressing them because you hate them and now I have to find out there actually is a relative of yours you like!”

He let out a bark of laughter. “Honey,” He rubbed my shoulder as we walked up the path to his uncle’s house. “You’ll be fine. He’ll love you.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed critically, “Easy for you to say.”



Sirius knocked on the door and I could feel myself getting overly anxious as we waited for someone to answer the door. When the door opened I expected to see a house elf answering it but i didn't. Even at houses a quarter of this size they had dozens of house elves. Which is why I was astounded when his uncle answered the door. He looked a great deal like Sirius and he even had his grey eyes. I stood remote as he dragged Sirius into a bear hug.



“Sirius! My favorite nephew!” His uncle beamed, “How are you my boy?”

Sirius smiled happily. “Good…Uncle Alphard this is Juliette Paxton.”

I tensed up immediately but the man just smiled at me. “Hello my dear.”

“She’s my wife.” Sirius continued bravely.

I observed every second of his uncles reaction. It wasn’t hard because within a second of the news he came to life and threw me into a large hug. “YOUR WIFE! WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?!”

I laughed cheerfully as he released me. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

“Of course I am!” He pulled us both inside. “This is not everyday news! Please forgive the state of things I gave my house elves the week off.” He added casually as he ushered us into his spacious living room. “I can’t believe you’re settling down with such a lovely young lady!”

Sirius wrapped his arm around me as we sat on the sofa. “What are you saying Uncle?”

“Obviously that you must have drugged this woman.” His uncle teased him handing him a drink. “Why else would she be with you?”

I snorted, “That’s so true…”

Sirius put his face pulled me tighter as I laughed. The first and last time I’d meet his uncle.


It took me a minute to decide on what to do before I apparated to Godric’s Hollow. It was too late for a house call but for some reason I knew it would be okay. It was a warm night so I didn’t have to worry about the walk. It gave me time to think. By the time I made it to the house, went up the walkway leading to the house and knocked onto the door I was ready. For what I didn’t know all I knew was I could handle this. James was the one that answered the door. This man looked so …gone. His face was unshaven, his clothes weren’t buttoned up right and it was obvious that he hadn’t slept in days. I took a deep breath and steadied myself.



“I’m sorry, I know it’s late but I came to see Lily.”



His face showed subtle signs of shock but he moved and let me pass. Like the outside the inside looked like it could have been cut out of a magazine. Everything had its place and looked perfect. I wondered faintly who had the time to clean this house when it occurred to me that Lily probably did. It was weird. It was like I was stepping into a different world, a different life. A life I could have had. I could have been these people. Sirius and I could have stayed together, gotten a house, fought in the order together all these years…James shut the door and gestured for me to follow him to the living room. The room was painted a rich emerald green with gold crowning. I don’t know why that was interesting to me but I thought the color choice was unusual.



“I don’t know if she feels well enough to come down.” James told me bluntly.

I nodded. “I would come to her but I doubt that she would want that.”



He didn’t reply. Instead he went upstairs to get his wife. I sat down on the sofa and tried to think of what to say to her. No words came to mind. Then again I never had anyone say anything to me other than I’m sorry. What was I going to tell her? Back at Hogwarts I always thought she’d had it made. She was Headgirl, prefect, top of our class, beloved by all and girlfriend to the second most popular boy in school. Outside of Hogwarts she joined the order married the man of her dreams and bought a nice house. Until now I never saw any problems in her life. It occurred to me that she went through hard times too. I glanced up at the sound of footsteps. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised she came down at all. Lily came into the room followed closely by her concerned husband. He didn’t touch her but I could tell it was killing him that he couldn’t do anything. His hazel eyes were so intense I could practically feel how much it hurt him to see his wife this way. She was just so destroyed. I thought i knew the expression well but looking at her face i knew there was still some broken mystery to it.



“Hi,” I whispered softly.

She attempted a smile but it failed. “Hi.”

“I’m sorry to bother you…I just wanted to …” I stopped talking and shifted my gaze. “I know it probably doesn’t help much but I can relate to…you know.”

That seemed to hurt her more. “How?”

“I lost a baby too. I didn’t know about it and I didn’t plan it so that I can’t understand but if…” I pulled my strength together to look at her. “You need to talk…I mean you probably wouldn’t want to talk to me but…I’m here if you do.”

“Was it a girl or a boy?”

“I don’t know. The doctor never told me.”

Her big sad green eyes seeped into me as she surveyed me. “Was Sirius the father?”

I nodded.

“Did he know?”

I shook my head. “He found out a couple of days ago.”

“Would you have kept it?”

Without hesitating I nodded.

“Will you try to have kids again?”

I paused. “Probably. It wasn’t my choice to not have that baby. I used to blame myself but it won’t bring that baby back. It won’t make that pain go away.”

That seemed to impact her. “I keep thinking…I could have done something…I should have done something.”

I took her hand. “Don’t. We make a billion decisions in a day. Some work out some don’t. Maybe you weren’t meant to have a baby now but you will later. The doctor didn’t say you couldn’t have children did he?”


“Then there’s no reason for you not to.” I smiled at her benevolently. “Grieve your loss Lily but don’t let it stop you from living. I made that mistake.”



Lily then shifted forward and shocked the hell out of me by crying. It was like her armor had broken and all that was left was this helpless woman. I couldn't think of anything else to do so I cautiously wrapped my arms around her and rubbed her back. “Shhhh…You got you….I gotcha…”



At some point James left the room but I didn’t acknowledge it. It was like I wasn’t just healing Lily. I was healing myself. I was giving to her what I never got myself and it felt good. She collected herself after a half hour of crying, let go of me and wiped her puffy face.



She was about to say sorry when she changed course and gave me a watery smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“Are you staying with Sirius?” She questioned almost instantly.

I gave a non committal shrug. “I have no idea what’s going on with that. I haven’t seen him since this morning and he ran off so yeah.”

“Well come on,” She stood up and went to the kitchen. “I’m starving.”

I followed her into the kitchen. Her baggy pajama pants dragged on the clean floor as i parked myself down onto one of the kitchen chairs. "What are you making?"

"I actually was going to just eat some cookies with milk. My favorite's oreo."

"No way. Me too."

She poured out two glasses of milk and took out a large case of oreos. "Here you go."

"Thanks." I checked my watch and laughed. "I'm never going to sleep."

"Oh i'm sorry-"

I held up my hand to stop her. "Honestly i don't sleep much anyway. My brother's wedding is tommorow so i have a lot of things on my mind anyway."


"Well for one i'm maid of honor so i have to keep everybody happy."

She nodded understandly. "For Alice's wedding i was maid of honor and she was mine but for hers it was so difficult to keep the side of her family that hated each other away from the side that was Frank's."

"Yeah Pureblood's are like that." I mused aloud. "Alice's family is crazy but they aren't as bad as mine. We grew up together before Hogwarts," I added at her confused look. "I actually met James's parents when we were kids. The families weren't so blood oreinted back then."

"It's weird." Lily whispered distantly. "You all knew each other since you were born."

I half smiled. "Yeah we all have. We used to have mini-pureblood parties...In a lot of ways i envy you though. It would have been nice to not have my whole future picked for me."

"I never thought of it that way...You are an Auror though."

"By that time i was already disowned so it was just another log onto the fire." I continued when she looked confused. "I was supposed to get married to a pureblood, produce babies and be a house wife. So being the first female Auror wouldn't make my parent's proud."

Lily dunked her oreo thoughtfully as chocolate specks circled around in her creamy milk. "Yeah my parent's were proud of me being a witch...It took awhile but then after some time they began to see the positves. My sister didn't. We used to be really close too.."

"She's probably just jealous." I stated simply. "I've seen it with squibs often."

"I just wish we could go back to the way we were."

"Well you never know." I mumbled before taking a bite of my dripping cookie. "My brother and i didn't talk for years and now i can't get away from him."

Lily smiled at me quietly. "You love him though."

"I didn't love him any less then. He just didn't want me to become like all those other girls so he stopped writing."

"When did you guys reconnect?"

"Umm..I just got out of trainning and he was getting a story from a ministry offical."

"Wow," She shrugged eating another oreo. "So just like that?"

"Well no. I was a bit icy and defensive but after some time i came around and forgave him for being a jerk."'

"Maybe Petunia will..." Lily commented softly.

I tucked my hair behind my ear thoughtfully. "Does she still send christmas and birthday presents?"

"Yeah but they're pathetic..." She laughed heartedly, "She always sends me the ugliest useless things."

"But she still sends you things because deep down she cares she just can't get over herself."

Lily eyed me. "You know I always thought you were a bitch."

"That's because i was."

"I think it's just because of who you hung out with."

I frowned. "They all didn't start out bad it's just the worst the war got the worst they got. Like Regulus..." I felt my eyes water but I didn't let them overflow. "He was a good guy in an impossible situation."

"He could have done what Sirius did."

"No he couldn't. He loved his parent's he had no one outside of the pureblood society." I glanced at a picture of James and Sirius in the corner. "James saved him from it all."

Lily didn't deny it. Instead her smile grew. "They really are as close as it gets."

"I remember their pranks....Especially during Quidditch season."

"You played?"

"Yeah. Only girl on the team."

She snorted. "That seems to be a theme for you."

"I know." I groaned slightly. "But it was alright."

"Do you still play?"

My face darkened. "No."

"Why not?"

"My father was obessed. We used to go to games and stuff together. After what happened i just ...couldn't."

An awkward tension hung thick in the air and Lily was quick to change the subject. "How did you and Sirius get together?"


"Figures," She replied wryly. "He spent half his time in there."

"Usually with me." James pipped up walking into the room and straddling the chair next to me.

"Well," I smirked, "We did get you back that one time."

"What time?"

I leaned back and moved my glass over. "You don't remember? We took your quidditch robes, wrote losers on them and hung them off the Quidditch stands after the final."

James glowered at me. "And you strung our clothes around the great hall."

I took a luxurious sip of milk. "Oh that was so sweet."

"Is that what you got detention for?" Lily questioned.

I shook my head mid-drink. "No the boys were streaking after our game at midnight and i was in a huge badger uniform because we beat them. Filch saw us and I tripped and couldn't get back up."

Lily and James started rolling with laughter. "Wait," James started, "I can't stop picturing you rolling on the floor helplessly in a huge chicken costume."

"Imagine how McGonagall felt she was the one who found me."

James shook with laughter. "What did she do?"

"She couldn't really punish me for anything other than being out after hours."


I took another sip of my milk and relaxed. I couldn't believe i was sitting here laughing with Hogwarts's it couple.It seemed like a decade ago we hated each other on principal.

I thought carefully before turning to James. "How's Remus going with the job hunting?"

"Not so great."

I shook my head disapprovingly. "It's ridiculous how he gets treated."

Lily and James both starred at me.

"I know he's a werewolf. I've known for years." I told them casually.

"And you're not scared of me?" A voice whispered a few feet away from me.

I twisted my neck to see him standing in the stairwell. "No."

"And I didn't tell her." Sirius announced coming into the room with his hands in his pockets.

"I figured it out." I told Remus, not looking at Sirius.

Remus walked over and sat in the chair across from me, Sirius didn't move. The uncomfortableness set in rapidly. It didn't take long for me to feel unease enough to get up to go. "Thanks Lily." She took my empty glass from me and put it in the sink.


I went to the door and was about to just leave when Lily pulled me into a hug. I couldn't help it. I smiled brightly and hugged her back. It didn't make sense but maybe for once it didn't have to. James waved and I nodded in return. Remus stayed with them but Sirius came out with me. He said nothing to me until we were half way down the street.


"That was nice of you."

"Yeah." I scoffed speeding up.

"Are you mad at me?"

I halted and gave him a dirty look. "Are you serious? Am I mad at you?"


"Where have you been all day? I've been owling you and you never responded.You haven't been home and you didn't go with me to the rehersal dinner. Want to rethink your question?!"

Sirius snapped, "I'm sorry i wasn't at your beck and call."

"Why did Lorenzo hit you?" I blurted out angrily.

"Is that all you can think about?" He rounded on me furiously. "Even when it happened you were more concerned with why it happened then if i was okay!"

"Oh i'm so sorry!" I mocked sarcastically. "You big baby it's not like i didn't put ice on your small wound or anything."

Sirius started storming of but I grabbed his arm.

"No! You are going to be an adult and talk to me!"

"He's inlove with you!" Sirius yelled, "I was at a bar a month and a half ago and there he was two stools down from me telling the bartender how he felt about you. At first I felt sorry for the guy until he said your name."

It all fell into place. Twenty something, black hair and leather jacket. At the time I thought it was Sirius but brushed it off because I didn't understand why Sirius would hit Lorenzo. Now it all became too clear. All the flirting, friendly visits and openly defending me. I had met his family, all five of his sisters and his mom. I had gone with him to dinner, to the movies. I guess we had everything but the physical element. Lorenzo was very attractive but I never could seem to forget about Sirius long enough to really notice. I just made him out to be this player so i wouldn't have to think about it.


"What did he say before he hit you?"


I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the white picket fence behind me. "You heard me."

"He said to leave."


"Okay?" He echoed still fuming. "How is that okay?"

I ignored him. "Where were you tonight?"

"I was with James until Remus owled me."

I gave him a curt nod before I continued moving.

"Where are you going?"

I gave him a look. "It's ten thrity. I'm tired, i'm crabby and I have to be up at seven tommorow. I get you had things to do but just because someone else likes me doesn't mean you can blow me off and act like it's all my fault. I never lead him on. So you can either come home with me or be a little bitch a complain about things i can't control. Which is it going to be?"

"I don't remember you being this fiesty."

"Well I am!"

His jaw loosened and put his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I just ...don't like him."

"Noted." I remarked lightly.

Sirius reached down and grabbed my hand before interlacking his fingers with mine. "We okay?"


"Good." He let out a long sigh. "Let's go home."

Authors Note:

So close to the end guys. *Cries* I hope you guys are like the updates! I can space them out if that would be preferable. THANK YOU FOR READING!. I would love some feedback but I understand that sometimes it's really exhausting to leave one after reading a chapter so PLEASE REVIEW but more THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR READING! That's more what this is for than anything!

Chapter 24: Atonement
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I’ve never been one to think I was meant to do anything. Growing up I was always told I was meant to be a pureblood housewife but apparently that wasn’t true. My O.W.L.S said I should be a healer…and considering my lack of people skills and current career path I can say with ease that I wasn’t meant to be a healer. My father came from a long line of males. I’m actually the first girl in five generations. Pattern wise I was meant to be a boy but I’m not. So I’d never believed in, ‘meant to be,’ because I never in my life came across something that was actually meant to be. I mean I think we all make our choices and get where we get.  Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memory made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. That was until the next day.



I was deep asleep in Sirius’s arms. I didn’t have to wake up for a few more hours. My dream was so…real. I was younger, much younger, definitely before I started Hogwarts…



I was moving through the crowd in a dress my mother had picked out for me. All the kids around me were laughing and playing around. I found Parker in the corner with five other people playing spin the bottle. I sat down and leaned against the wall next to Parker. I watched as the person who spun the bottle was blindfolded beforehand so they wouldn’t know who they were kissing. I laughed as Parker unknowingly kissed Alice Prewett. When he took off his blindfold I laughed harder as they both blushed. Parker gave me the bottle, wrapped the black material around my eyes and placed my hand on the bottle. I jerked the bottle and it began to turn. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to kiss Nott or someone awful like that. I heard giggling and I knew the bottle had stopped. I leaned forward unsurely. This wasn’t the way I wanted to get my first kiss but by the time I thought about walking away a pair of lips was already on mine. I froze and didn’t kiss back for a moment until I felt a whirl inside the pit of my stomach. His lips were soft and I wanted to keep kissing him but he pulled away just as I started to kiss back. Did all first kisses feel like this? I didn’t know how but I knew that it wasn’t. Nervously I took off my blindfold and searched for the boy who had kissed me. I looked around to see everyone laughing. I passed the bottle over and saw a dark haired boy walking away. He turned before I could see his face. I got up to follow him. I heard my friends calling me but I ignored them. I needed to know how he was. I went into the next room to find him but didn’t see anyone my age. All the adults were drinking it up and I felt lost.



Then my dream faded into when I was fifteen. I was at a party with a bunch of pureblood’s I didn’t know. It wasn’t a distinctive memory until I walked over to the stairs to find Sirius arguing loudly with his father. They didn’t see me, I backed away slightly to keep it that way and listened.



“I WON’T DO IT!” Sirius roared at his father defiantly.


“No,” Sirius laughed bitterly to himself, “I won’t.”

I watched quietly as Mr. Black got in Sirius’s face and seethed in front of him. “You have been a failure long enough. I will not have you make a fool out of me any longer. You will marry this Evangeline girl-“

“Or what?” Sirius dared his eyes fiery with intensity. His voice lowered as it got darker. “I refuse to marry that money grubbing whore.”

“You will not defy me.”

“Watch me.” Sirius announced storming off.





I opened my eyes to Sirius holding me in a tight embrace. “Shhhh…”

I let out shallow breaths and felt tears filling up in my eyes. “What happened?”

“You were screaming.” He told me softly stroking my hair, “What did you dream about?”

I furrowed my eyebrows trying to remember. “The first part…I think…I was playing spin the bottle…Then the next dream …I can’t remember.”

“Oh.” He loosened his grip a bit and he smiled at me. “They always had spin the bottle at those parties. It was before we could bewitch them to land on who we wanted them to.”

“Yeah.” I wiped my eyes. “I don’t know why I would cry at that…”

He smirked at me cockily, “Maybe you wanted to protect me.”

I scoffed and laughed, “You can take care of yourself.”

“So who’d you kiss?”

“I don’t know…” I frowned, “Never saw the kids face…” I looked up at his face as the moon light accented his rugged face. “When did you have your first kiss?”

Sirius yawned. “Um…No idea…Couldn’t have been too long before I started Hogwarts…Guys don’t really track that as well as girls.”

“It’s a bigger deal to us.” I shrugged knowingly.

“Merlin…” He groaned checking his watch.


He showed me the time. 4:20 flashed back at me. I whimpered angrily. “I’m going to look like hell tomorrow.”

“Nothing a few pounds of makeup can’t fix.”

“Oh thanks.” I drawled sarcastically. “Your everlasting support is just dandy.”

Sirius snickered and laid down. “I’ll get you a bagel later.”



Tiredly I shifted over and adjusted myself to fit in the gap between his arm and his torso. I rested my head on his chest, tucked one hand under his back while I dropped the other carelessly to his abs.  Sirius cradled me into him as he kissed the top of my head gently. His hand intertwined with mine and I saw his gold banded ring shining back at me. A smile spread across my face as I traced the ring with my thumb.



Sirius shifted awkwardly and had trouble looking me in the eye. It had been a week since he dropped the I love you bomb and I was beginning to suspect that he regretted saying it. 

“Okay look,” I told him firmly as I sat next to him on the staircase. “If you are trying to take it back just tell me.”

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows at me. “Take what back?”

I moved away from him. “What you said.”

“What? That I love you?”

“You don’t have to say that just because you think that’s what you think I want to hear.” I told him sulkily.

He turned to me. “What are you talking about?”

I hated him for lying to me. “Just say it okay? You don’t really love me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been cold for the past week. I know why.”

He wrapped his arm around me and forced me to face him. “Jules. I told you I love you and I meant it.”

“You’re not taking It back?”

“No,” He laughed softly. “Why would I take it back?”

“Then what’s been bothering you?”

He looked down. “…I saw my brother…he had a gauze over his left arm.”

“Yeah…” My face dropped, “I asked him about it. He wouldn’t tell me.”

“They didn’t ask you to join?”

I didn’t answer.


“Don’t worry I can handle it.”

He pulled me into his chest gently. “If anyone so much as says a word to threaten you into doing it I’ll break their knee caps.”

I smiled at the thought of him protecting me and held him tighter.



“Whatcha thinking about?”

I looked into his eyes. “You.”

“My rugged good looks?”

“More like your supersized ego.”

He grinned down at me cockily. “Oh that’s what you think is it?”

“What are you going to do about it?” I taunted him knowingly.



He moved so he was hovering over me.  In the darkest I could barely make out his body but I reached up and kissed where I thought his lips might be and hit my target anyway. He lowered his body down upon mine as I threw my arms around his neck. His tongue thrusted into my mouth proficiently as one of his hands wrapped itself around the back of my neck and the other began unbuttoning my night shirt leisurely, like he had all the time in the world. Our snogging became ravenous as he pulled off my shirt and I tugged his boxers down.  The next half hour was a blur. A very rapturous blissful blur. I rested on his rib cage once again this time my heart was poorly attempting to slow down.






“Well,” He mused loudly with a grin.

I laughed easily. “Oh aren’t you proud of yourself?”

“Oh and you aren’t?”

I rolled my eyes and yawned.

He groaned and traced my stomach with his free hand. “Don’t do that unless you want round four.”

“Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

“How can I with you stretching your sexy body right in front of me?”

I snorted, got up and started buttoning up my shirt. “Sirius…shut up.”

“What are you rebuttoning those for? It’s just more work for me later.”

I laughed and moved out of his grasp. “I have to take a shower!”

“It’s not seven yet!”

“Yeah but I doubt if I lay down I’ll get any sleep.” I told him accusingly.

Sirius raised his hands in defense. “It’s not my fault you look like that.”




I laughed and took a long relaxing shower. I was surprised he never joined me but then I figured he might have fallen asleep. It was still early in the morning. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around myself and dried myself off.  Then I changed into jeans and Sirius’s old Quidditch jersey. By the time I was done I peeked out and saw that Sirius wasn’t in bed still. I turned the corner and found a blonde tiny girl throwing her arms around my husband. The look of disgust on his face was plainly obvious but the girl clearly wasn’t getting it. I walked over, pretending I didn’t see her and planted a wet hot kiss on him. Before smiling at him and putting my hand out.




“Hi, I’m Juliette, his wife. Nice to meet you.”

The girl looked shocked. “Sirius…you’re married?!”

“Yes,” I answered on his behalf with a big fake smile. “He is. Now honey I have to go into the office for a quick second but I’ll see you at the church. Okay? “

He peered down at me curiously but nodded and kissed me. “Yeah.”

I walked pass the girl. “Please bring my dress to the church honey.”




I apparated to the ministry to find it pleasantly vacant. I went to my cubical did all the new paper work and signed up to work with the interns tomorrow morning. Everything was all set. When I went out I saw someone under Lorenzo’s desk. After one look I could tell it was Lorenzo himself. He’d been an ass for the past week. To the point where I was ready to just stop trying even but seeing him there I knew better. He was still the guy who had been there for me for years without asking for anything in return. I put my pride aside and slumped next to him. His eyes opened and I could smell the booze from his breath.



“Hi.” I muttered.

He looked at me and for the first time I saw the longing there I don’t know how I missed it before. “Hi.”

“I’m sorry Lorenzo...You never made a move so I assumed everybody was just…saying it.”

Lorenzo shook his head. “It’s my own fault.”

“Are we going to be okay?”

He took a minute to answer, his face low and his eyes set. “I’ll be going undercover for awhile.”



My heart broke slightly but I didn’t let it show. “Oh.”

“This is for the best I think…”



What was I supposed to say? I’m sorry you’re in love with me but I’m in love with my husband. I did love Lorenzo and if I never met Sirius I would feel the same way he did about me. But I did meet Sirius and even If I tried to fight it I wouldn’t win. The problem was Lorenzo was one of my closest friends. One of the few people I could always count on when the chips were down to have my back. I would get another partner. With my luck he’d be some arrogant, sexist, bigoted, asshole with zero common sense. Plus…I really liked being partners with Lorenzo. I hated that because of …this mess we had to go our separate ways. He rose to his feet with ease proving that though he might have been drinking but he had spent the past few hours to sobering up. He gave me a hand up and gave me an even glance. I hugged his torso quickly taking him off guard. Despite the anger that my feelings didn’t match his he still found the kindness to hug me back.



“I guess this is goodbye…” He told me barely audibly.



I held him more closely hoping my grip would convince him to stay but I knew better. He couldn’t pull out of a mission once he signed on for it. But I was afraid for him. Undercover was no joke. Our job had risks but undercover was constantly lying and worrying about whether everyone believes your cover or not.



“I didn’t want this.”

He broke my grip and held my shoulders. “It’s for the best...”

“Be safe okay?”

He kissed my forehead tenderly. “I’ll do what I can Paxton,” and he was gone.





Chloe was traditional when it came to marriage. She slept at her mother’s house while Nik remained at their apartment. Under the protection of her three brothers Nik wouldn’t dare try and see his bride before the wedding. It was six forty and only Chloe’s mother was awake at this hour. I knocked on the door quietly and she opened the door, her robe and curlers still in her hair.



“Oh Juliette! Come in dear.”

I smiled at her and took a seat at the kitchen table. “How are you?”

“Oh as you’d expect I’d be.” She sighed and started flipping some eggs manually. “I heard what your present was to Chloe for the wedding. I think three hours of professional pampering is just what she needs to bring down her stress.”

“And gives me time to make sure everything’s in place.” I grinned half honestly.

She shook her head at me. “Don’t you pull out that modest against me dearie I know you did it just for her.”

I shrugged and didn’t deny it.

“Here sweetie.” She handed me a plate with a bunch of eggs on it. “Eat.”

“Thank you.” I took the plate and ate gratefully.

She sat across from me and poured some milk for me and herself. “What are you plans for today?”

I swallowed a chunk of food and squinted my eyes thoughtfully. “In a half hour I have to go check on the church, make sure everything is set. Then go check on the caterer, get in touch with the band and talk to the staff all before picking up your daughter and delivering her to get her hair and makeup done. While she’s doing that I have to talk to the minister, pick up Chloe’s wedding dress, orchestrate the rest of the the brides maids, talk to the groomsmen, check on Nik.” I let out a long sigh, “Then I have to get the bride, bring her to the church, help her into her dress, make sure she’s set, help the guests, make sure everyone is good, go get Chloe for her entrance.”

Chloe’s mother looked at me exhaustedly. “You’re going to have one hell of a long day my dear.”

“Yep…Oh and somewhere in there. I have to get dressed and eat lunch.”

She smiled at me fondly. “I couldn’t be happier that my daughter is marrying your brother because that means that not only do I get yet another son but I get another kind sister for Chloe.”

“I’m glad too.”

I finished my plate and checked my watch. “Damn…I have to go. Thank you-“

“Oh nonsense honey you’re family. I feed all my children.”



I hugged her warmly and left in a happier mood than I came in.



The church was already set up thankfully. By the door were boxes upon boxes pink roses, Chloe’s favorite color. The windows had pink tinted veils covering them and the wedding booklets were already laid out on the tables leading into where the ceremony would take place. Someone tapped my shoulder, I spun around to find Sirius with my dress carelessly over his shoulder. I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows at him.



“You’re a bit early.”

He gritted his teeth. “Thanks for leaving me to deal with that.”

I grabbed my dress from him swiftly with a fierce stare. “She’s your fuck bunny, not mine.”




I continued to the brides dressing room and hung my dress up in one of the wardrobes when something clicked in my mind. “FUCK….” I swore loudly and started repeating the same word until Sirius grabbed me.

“What is wrong?”

“Mim.” I whined furiously. “I forgot someone has to get her….”

Sirius was torn for a moment before briefly closing his eyes. “I’ll do it.”

“And I don’t have time to go. Even if I put my own feelings aside-“

“Jules,” He held my face, “I’ll do it.”



I stared at Sirius liked I never had seen him before. His appearance hadn’t changed same strong facial features, sharp gaze and muscular build. But this couldn’t be Sirius. Sirius Orion Black would never talk to bigoted purebloods. The very essence of them insulted him and he was standing here with a straight face telling me he would go pick up one of their finest? He had to have gone insane.



I felt his forehead worriedly. “Are you feeling alright?!”

He grabbed my hands with one of his with an amused expression. “Jules. I got this. Don’t worry about it.”

“How are you going to convince Mim to come with you?”

Sirius gave one of his smirks, dipped me very low to the ground so I was forced to cling to him and eyed me like I was the most coveted scoop of his favorite ice cream. “Honey despite what you think I have a way with woman. I got you didn’t i?”



Then before I could reply he kissed me. One of those spine tingling kisses that I felt all the way down to my toes previous to putting me back up right and leaving the room. I tried to say something anything but my mind was clouded as I was flabbergasted. What did I just agree to?





“Chloe dear how are you?” I greeted her affectionately as I dragged her out of her house.

She glared at me grumpily. “Oh just splendid.”

“Come on three hours of them making you look and feel gorgeous?” I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed it. “What could be better?”

“You are really freaking me out with this optimistic thing you’ve got going on.”

I rolled my eyes at her, “Look just relax okay? I got it all covered. I swear.”

“Why are you so together?”

“Because I’m try to make sure everything goes as its planned.” I apparated to the spa and checked her in. “Look just relax. I got this.”

She yawned and nodded. “Okay.”



Chloe then mindlessly followed one of the ‘spa technicians’ to a room in the back. I glanced down at my watch anxiously before rushing out of the room. I was late.



Hours later I was resting in the bridal suite. I thought maybe I could get a few minutes of sleep before I had to go get Chloe. I had been working my ass off with out stopping and I just wanted a few minutes to de-stress. To collect myself fully so I could better organize the tasks i had to perform. Of course that wasn’t happening. All I could do was worry and when I finally drifted off to sleep i was interrupted.




I groaned and looked up to find Parker hovering above me. “Yeah?”

“The caterer wants to talk to you.”

I swore and followed him into the lobby to find a squat Pilipino man with a chef’s outfit. “Ms. Paxton! We have a problem.”


“There is no dessert.”

My jaw dropped. “What do you mean there’s no desert?”

“It was accidently sent to another wedding and they already cut the cake.”

“Okay…” I closed my eyes and tried to think of a solution and after a few moments I thought of something that could possibly work. “Alright…Frank,” I addressed the chef, “Can you make me a cake in the next two hours?”

He grimaced. “I don’t know…”

“Look,” I told him fiercely. “There is a huge wedding happening today and despite the fact that you’ve already been paid and you should have this under control I’m letting you off the hook here. I’m not asking for much. I’m not asking for the lavish desert that we ordered I’m just asking for one medium sized delicious cake.” I grew dangerously closer to him. “I’m aware it’s hard under the time crunch but I think under the right pressure you can come up with a magnificent cake. The better tasting the better.”

“It won’t be enough to feed more than a few-“

“I will take care of the rest.” I cut him off sharply. “You get me a well made cake and I will figure something out.”



Parker kept up with me with ease as I sped out of the church and down the steps. “So what’s the plan?”

I held out my arm for him to grab. “We are going for a little detour.”



I raced up the stone steps leading up to the house and nearly broke the door from pounding on it so hard. Alice came to the door immediately startled. “Juliette what’s-?”

“I need a favor.” I blurted out rudely.

She moved out of the way and let us walk in. “What’s the problem?”

“The caterer for the wedding messed up and didn’t make enough food for everyone so I was hoping you could make some of your mince cakes.”

“How long are we talking?”

I cringed. “Two hours.”

“I think I can get you four but that probably won’t be enough….”

I paced and rubbed my temples. “Okay…I can multiply them magically to equal sixteen…Shit!”

“Lily’s a good cook. I’m sure she could cork out ten.”

“Alice…” I beamed. “I could kiss you!”

She laughed. “Just owl me the location of the reception and I’ll be there.”

“THANK YOU!” I shouted before apparating to Godric’s Hollow.



I was in a frantic state of mind. All i could keep thinking about was Chloe. This was the one day she didn't have to worry about anything and just be pretty. If I didn't make it perfect i would be failing Chloe. She put this important day in my hands and i had to make everything work. I just had to. Lily thankfully was a good sport.



“Yeah I can get you twelve." She told me graciously. "And then you can multiply them and have more than enough for everyone.”

I sat down in one of her dining room chairs and let out a large sigh of relief. “Thank you so much!”

Parker sat next to me. “Where’s Sirius?”

“Getting Mim.” I laughed exhaustedly.

“Yeah okay where is he really?”


Parker gave me one of those looks where he was try to decide if i was trying to be funny or just being mean.

"Who's Mim?" Lily piped in curiously.

I lowered my head to the table. "My grandmother."

"You can't be serious." Parker murmured. "I mean even as tolerant as she's been she hates muggleborns and loathes blood traitors."

And the quietest voice I responded. "He offered."

"Why would he offer that?" Parker clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth cynically. "It's a death sentence."

"I didn't have the time or the energy so he offered and I accepted."

He traced his chin thoughtfully. "You were going to make me do it weren't you?"

"Yeah," I sat up straight. "She likes you."

Lily gave us a funny look as she stirred a large bowl of butter. "Maybe he's trying to help."

"If you knew Mim. It's a little above and beyond the means of just being kind to spend time with her." Parker proclaimed darkly.

I rolled my eyes. "She's always been nice to you."

"Not to Chloe. It's her wedding and last night she practically shouted her disapproval with the death glares she was sending her."



I rolled my wrist over to see to see my watch sneering at me tauntingly. I had to pick up Chloe in one minute exactly. Tucking the strands of hair that had come out of my ponytail behind my ear I got up from my chair.



"Thank you so much Lily. I owe you one."

She waved it off. "You're giving me an excuse to cook."

"Nice meeting you Lily," Parker smiled at her politely.

"You too."



I shut the front door and exhaled deeply. "Okay I need a favor. Can you go to the store and get different colored cupcakes? As many as you can find?"

"...Yeah sure."

"Thanks," I handed him money. "Just make sure you get them as quick as you can."

"I will Jay."

I glared at him. "What's with the smirk?"

"Oh nothing...I'm sure you'll figure it out." And Parker apparated leaving me clueless as to what he was talking about.



Chloe's skin was glowing and she couldn't look more relaxed. I was grateful. One of us had to be a nervous wreck and I was glad for once that it was me.



"You look awful."

I side-glared at her. "Oh's the look I was going for."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I answered naturally, "Just a lot of stuff I have to get down before I can toss you down that aisle."

She bought it. "Are there any problems?"

"Nope," I lied through my teeth.

“You’d tell me wouldn’t you?”

I starred at her directly in the eye and smiled. “Of course Chloe.”





I had an hour. To get dressed, put on make-up, do something with my hair and check on everyone. First I went for the cupcakes. I had all the chef’s assistant’s write the date on each and every cupcake as I hung the banner with their names in bold above the large table. Parker helped me down with a smirk.



“So guess what?”


He gestured to the long three rows of freshly made deserts on the table. “Compliments of Alice and Lily.”

I beamed and hugged I him in relief. “Thank Merlin.”

“I thought that might cheer you up.”

“You have…no idea!”

Parker took my hands. “Look I’ll check with everybody.”

“No Parker you’ve done enough I really should-“

“You look like shit Jules.” He interrupted bluntly. “You need to look nice today. You’re maid of honor. So while you are cleaning up I will take care of all of it. Because really all I have to do is put on a suit.”

I laughed softly. “Thanks…I think.”



Turning into the bridal suite I moved past the brides maids and female relatives and snatched my dress. In the roomy bathroom I finally decompressed. At this point the rest of it was out of my hands. All the planning and preparation would have to hold up. I carefully stepped into the dress, shimmied it up my body and zipped it up. The dress didn’t look bad…but the color…ugh. That was another story. I went over to the mirror got out my small bag of make up and went to work. Gone were the dark circles. Gone were the uneven skin tones. Pop goes the eyes. When I was done I looked quite good the problem was I had no idea what to do with my hair. After a moment of thought I realized I didn’t have the time to put it up and make it look nice so I was going to curl it. Using my wand I took my hair strand by strand and curled it before adding some gloss to it to make it shiny. Last touch, deodorant. I was going to be running around for the rest of the day and the last thing I needed was to smell like a horse. I finished with ten minutes to spare.



All the brides maids were getting instructions outside of the chapel. I headed for the bridal suite to find Chloe alone. She was starring at herself in a floor length mirror with an anxious expression on her face. Chloe looked stunning, I had never seen her so gorgeous. A smile jumped to my face as my eyes became oddly wet.



“Chloe…” I murmured gently.

She smiled at me shyly. “Yeah…It’s a bit much-“

I think it’s just enough.” I hugged her from behind. “How are you feeling?”

Chloe gave me a heartened laugh. “You’re the first person to ask me that. I’m nervous.”

“About? Nik?”

“No no nothing like that…You know that one line…”

I held her tighter. “Honey…I asked the minister to exclude it.”

“You did?!” She brightened up instantly.

“Of course. I wouldn’t give anyone the chance to ruin this.”

“I’d hug you back but I’m not suppose to move too much.” She laughed tearfully.

I grinned. “It’s alright honey.”

Chloe’s eldest brother Jake popped in. “Batters up Chlo.”

“You ready?” I asked her

She nodded and carefully wiped her eyes. “I’m ready.”



Her brother came over and she linked arms with him. I went outside and got in the line behind the four other girls. Chloe and her brother came along a minute later. Just as the music started. As each girl in pink left to walk down the aisle I felt my heart sink. Did I do this for Chloe? Or did I do this because nobody would have done it for me? This is what I wanted, a huge wedding, tons of people and the guy of my dreams waiting down the aisle for me. Where was that guy now? I’d rather Mim refuse to come then Sirius not show up at all. As it was my turn to go up my chest clamped up. I knew it was ridiculous. I knew I was being a weak idiot but I couldn’t help how I felt. I was always the girl that never needed saving and always saved herself with minor exceptions. Now I felt alone.



“Jules it’s your turn!” Chloe whispered roughly.



I nodded numbly and started moving. Not for me but for Chloe. I glanced around the crowd. I saw many familiar faces and a few strangers gawking at me. I didn’t care because at the moment Sirius’s smirk caught my eye. That one of a kind cocky smirk that gave me the strength to keep going. My jaw dropped as I saw that the woman sitting next to him. The woman with the biggest ass hat I’d ever seen and the biggest grin on her face was in fact Mim. I couldn't believe it. How the hell did he convince her to come? In awe I forced myself to quit gawking and kept moving to the tempo of the wedding march beat. I stood next to Chloe's only sister in a right state.



Kimberly gave me a strange side glance. "What's wrong with you?"

I shook my head. "Nevermind."

"Holy shit is that your parents?"




No...fucking way. Just before the music slowed down. Just before Chloe made her long awaited début. Just before I the air completely vacated my lungs. Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Paxton slid into seats in the very back of the church. I couldn't breathe. Literally the air around my body seemed to be as far away from me as possible so i was silently but effectively suffocating. Nik's eyes were as big as saucers as he seemed to be rooted in his spot. Yes my parent's had been invited but it was always a polite thing. A oh-they-would-never-come-thing-so-why-not-invite-them scenario? Never did anyone even think for a second that they'd actually show up. Chloe didn't even put them on the seating chart for the reception. The saying, 'when hell freezes over,' became all too real. Nik's face became abnormally pale but he didn't have time to react because that's the particular moment when the potent music began to prelude to the brides arrival. Chloe as always, was perfectly on time.






The minute the doors opened to reveal her and her brother though I forgot all about my parents. Which would have seemed truly impossible moments before her entrance but now made perfect sense. The way she looked, the sheer determination on her face, she didn't care that they were there she was going to marry their son no matter what they said or did. When she got to the end of the aisle she stood next to my brother and sent a wink. I grinned at her proudly as my brother took her hands in his. I will never forget the look on his face as he recited his vows. My brother had always liked things; quidditch, writing, a good ham and cheese sandwich but I'd never seen him love something as much as he loved Chloe. It was like there was a light in his eyes that was sparkling so bright that the brown in his eyes seemed several shades lighter.




"I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife," He told her devotedly, "In sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live."

The minister closed the book in his hands and smiled at the couple. "I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."




Nik didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed Chloe by her waist and kissed her deeply. Applause broke out when they separated, grinning like fools.



"Thank you Merlin." I breathed thankfully as Nik and Chloe went down the aisle without any interruption.

Kimberley raised her thick blond eyebrows at me bemusedly. "Well that went well."





Kim picked up the bottom of her dress and walked out with the rest of the crowd. I didn’t. The wedding party would get to the reception in next few minutes but I needed to sit down for a minute and get it together. When everyone had left that church I held my head in my hands, trying desperately to get my head to stop spinning. Sirius popped up out of nowhere and sat next to me.




I threw my arms around him and seized him.

“What’s wrong Jules?”

“My parents came to the wedding.”

I didn’t have to see his face to know how he felt about that. Sirius kissed my forehead. “They won’t make a scene. They are just trying to get under your skin.”

“Well it’s working.” I told him faintly.

He slipped his arms underneath me and lifted me off the ground without staggering for even a second. “Come on.”




Sirius carried me all the way down the aisle without even a flicker of discomfort before lowering me to my feet at the entrance. He cupped my face. “Jules. You need to loosen up. They won’t cause a scene because that would only make them look worse. Just don’t talk or look at them. You planned this entire thing without a hitch. Now you need to go make your toast and dance with me the rest of the night. You are a strong independent woman.... Now this doesn’t sound too hard does it?”

I shook my head. “No it doesn’t.” My resolve was flimsy before but after a speech like that it hardened. I wasn’t a seventeen year old teenager. I was twenty year old woman and I was more than capable of handling this. “Let’s go.” I grabbed his hand and apparated to the reception.






The reception was in a hall right on the beach. When Sirius and I came in I couldn’t help but beam at how well everything looked. Everyone was lined up at the bar, filing through name cards to find their own and see what table they were at. I didn’t need a name card. I went straight for the head table with Sirius in tow. Nik and Chloe weren’t there but the rest of the table was filled out. We sat on the groom’s side next to Mim and his best friends and grooms men Charlie, Noah and John.




“Sirius,” I asked simply, “How did you convince Mim to com-?”

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” A tiny old man interrupted me loudly, “Welcome MR. AND MRS. NIKOLAS PAXTON!”




I stood up just as Nik and Chloe came marching into the room. Their jaws stretched far past their limit with the wideness of their smiles. They walked over and sat in the empty seats next to me. All of the people who were standing sat down except for me. Speech time. This was the easy part. I put my wand to my throat to make my voice louder.




“Hi everyone I’m Juliette Paxton.” I smiled at the crowd, “I’m the groom’s little sister and the Maid of honor. I’ve known Chloe for the past two years and I’ve grown to see that she is a kind, hard working and warm hearted person who is frankly too good for my brother.” That earned a collective laugh from the guests as I continued, “Thankfully she doesn’t see that way…I was there the night my brother was trying to figure out how to propose to Chloe. He was so nervous and though I didn’t keep up with him for a few years I did see him with girls at Hogwarts and he never got as worked up about any of those girls the way he does about Chloe. And Chloe I know how you love my brother too by just the way you look at him. So Chloe I welcome you proudly into our family and hope that you will continue to put up with my way ward brother.” I finished laughing.

Chloe stood up with tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Anytime Sis.” I replied.




The best man gave a short speech and I got back into my seat. Sirius had one arm around the back of my chair and his other hand was tightly clamped onto mine. If he was trying to make me feel better it was working. His presence was soothing and after just a few minutes of sitting with him I felt remarkably calm. I turned and found him staring at me with a grin on his face. I leaned forward and kissed him. When we broke apart that oddly familiar little man appeared again this time he announced that it was time for Nik and Chloe’s first dance as a married couple. Sentimentally I wrapped Sirius’s arm around my waist and watched.



“Now,” The man announced after their song ended, “The couple would like to invite other couples to the floor.”



Sirius lifted me to my feet and led me to the dance floor. He wrapped his one arm around my waist and the other held my hand firmly.



“Going old school huh?”

He gave a half hearted glare. “This is the only way I know how to slow dance.”

I let go of his hand, put it on my waist and threw my arms around his neck. “This is the more modern version honey."

“What were you going to ask me before?”

“Oh,” I exclaimed, “How did you get her here?”

Sirius smiled.



He stood outside her door for a half hour before she decided to come out. “Young man. I suggest you leave. I will not be escorted by you.”

“Well,” He sighed purposefully. “That’s too bad because I’m not leaving without you so…” Sirius sat on her porch, stretched out his legs and leaned against the closest pillar.




Mim left irritated by him. Sirius though true to his word didn’t leave. Instead he pulled out the Daily Prophet and began reading it. From the window Mim checked on him from time to time in between cleaning and cooking. Once he was done reading the paper he did the crossword puzzle on the last page of the paper. Hours passed and he remained on her porch. He whistled to himself, he took a nap, he started reading a book he brought with him. Sirius was determined and despite herself Mim found herself admiring him.



“How long do you intend on sitting there?” She barked from the window.

“Until you are ready to go.” He replied confidently.



Mim felt an odd sense of guilt the boy had to be starving he had been sitting outside of her house without so much as a meal in hours. So she called Etienne into the room.



“Yes Marianne?”

“Tell that boy to leave.”

Etienne scowled. “No.”


“You’re being ridiculous,” He told her bluntly, “Her partner at the ministry was half blood. Why should it matter then if her husband is one of those blood traitors?”

Mim frowned. “He’s not good enough for her.”

“Dear,” He kissed her cheek, “You are too picky.” Then he went into the kitchen made Sirius a sandwich against his wife’s wishes. “Here. She’s as stubborn as Juliette so you might be out here awhile.”

Sirius grinned appreciatively. “Thanks. I’m prepared to wait.”

“Good man.” Etienne replied happily walking by his wife unconcernedly.




Mim struggled with herself but finally caved and went outside. “How are you going to make her happy?”

“Love her.”

“It’s not that simple. She has a demanding job-“

Sirius stood up. “I know she does.”

“And it’s taken her a long time to come back from what happened to her.”

“I know that too.”

Mim surveyed him cynically. “How do I know you won’t leave her again?”

“I already lost her once. I wouldn’t let her go again."

“And you absolutely love her?”

Sirius rose to his feet. “Yes. I do.”




Mim took of one of her rings it wasn’t the most modest of the three on her left wedding finger but it was definitely the most polished one. She handed the ring to him firmly.



“Fine. Then that ring you gave her is your engagement ring.”

Sirius was perplexed. “I don’t understand....”

She turned her nose down at him.“I expect you to remarry…Recommit and all that. And this will be your wedding ring for her. It was mine when I married her grandfather.” She announced clearly.


“But we are already married.”


“Yes,” Mim spat bitterly. “Something I did not witness nor did her brother so I suggest you remarry so we can be allowed to celebrate this…union.”

Sirius laughed, “I’ll ask her.”

“Yes, you will…. Garçons anglais.” She muttered under breath. “Now I will be out in an hour. I suggest you come in and change into your tux.”

“Yes Mam.”

She scoffed. “That’s Mim to you.”






I shook with laughter. “She’s so funny.”

He slipped the ring in question onto my finger. “So what do you think?”

“You actually want to?”

“Yeah…She’s right. We didn’t get a chance to do it right the first time…Not that I regret it or anything but it would have nice to have our friends and your family there.”

I bit my lip. “I’d love to.”

“Oh and I hope you don’t mind but I’d kind of like a big wedding.”

I reached up and kissed him hard. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I’ll be right back.” He told me as Parker slid into his place.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Where’d did he go?”

“No idea.” Parker shrugged and started moving along with the new faster beat of the song. “Think you can keep up.”

“Yeah,” I snorted sarcastically, “I think I can manage.”

He twirled me and dipped me with a smirk. “Good.”

“Where’s your date?”

“At the bar…What’s he doing?”

I followed his gaze to see Sirius talking to…oh no. I mumbled an apology and went to him. “Sirius….”

“Hi honey.”

I looked at my mum. “Hi.”

She nodded at me emptily and I became enraged. That’s all she had? “Why are you two here?”

“We were invited.” My father answered rigidly.

“Fine.” I told them stiffly. “We will stay on our side and you better stay on yours. If you say one word to upset Chloe-“

My mother suddenly grabbed my hand. “Honey.”

I shook it off. “Don’t you …dare.” I whispered harshly.

“I didn’t know-“

“What you didn’t hear him screaming at me?” I spat at her lividly, “You didn’t know what would happened when he confronted me? Go fuck yourself. I always thought you were just a product of your environment and that’s why you never showed me any affection but now I know that you are just a cold heartless bitch who doesn’t deserve to have any children.” I glared so hatefully at my father. “And I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”



I then took Sirius’s hand and went over to get some food. He kissed my cheek cheerfully. “I’m so proud of you honey.”

“What were you saying to them?”

“Actually the exact same thing you did.”

I piled food onto my plate. “I thought you were going to deck my father in the face.”

“I was tempted.” He revealed honestly. “But it wasn’t my place."

“Well thank you…I thought for a second there I thought you might have to hold me back.”

“I would’ve.” Sirius promised nudging my side teasingly. “You know you look really beautiful.”

My cheeks lit up scarlet. “…Thanks…I trust I don’t have to tell you how good you look.”

“Nope. I already know.” He snickered softly.

I slapped his arm half heartedly. “Conceited.”

“You knew that when you married me.”

“Jules?” Nik sighed as he grabbed some desert. “What are these?”

I cringed hesitantly. “Cupcakes…”

He took a bite into one of them and nodded. “They’re good. I don’t remember them being a desert option.”

“Well they are obviously.”

“Huh…” He muttered before walking to the head table.

I let out a throaty and grabbed a cupcake. “I’m so glad he’s so stupid.”




After we ate Chloe got up to make a speech. “Now we will have music playing all night so don’t get worried but I want to thank all of you for coming and most importantly for your support. Now there has been one person who has gone above and beyond. Today I didn’t have to worry about a single thing because I knew my Maid of Honor would take care of it. I want to publically thank her for basically being my unpaid wedding planner.”

I grinned up at her. “Never again Chloe.”

She laughed sweetly. “So to pay her back I’ve devised a plan. At her wedding to her husband they couldn’t afford a reception like this. I’ve heard they are going to renew their vows soon but I thought before that I would let them slow dance to their own song.”

“But you don’t know it.” I told her loudly.

She shook her head mischievously. “I have sources…So I would like to ask that all of you stay of the dance floor for this one song. Enjoy the food and I thank all of you for coming.”




I glared at Chloe. Why did she have to put the spotlight on me? Sirius had to pull me out of my seat and onto the dance floor. He was enjoying this far too much.



“It’s probably going to be Ozzy Osbourne.” I joked.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah that’s definitely romantic.”

“Well it would suit us.” I argued without logic. I looked into the crowd and saw …Lexi. Except she didn’t look like the girl I had seen before. The girl I knew was put together and well dressed. This Lexi had her robes torn and cuts on her face. She was fighting with a boy that looked oddly like James Potter. “Hey-“ I began trying to draw Sirius’s attention to the pair when she turned and her robes came into full view.



She was wearing Gryffindor robes with the last name Black on the back. My voice caught in my throat. Then she was gone. I knew there was no way she could have apparated because I’d put a spell on the hall to prevent that very thing. This meant she must have used a time turner…. I was in a total state of shock when the music finally came on. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you're the best

I wasn't lookin' but somehow you found me
It tried to hide from your love light
But like heaven above me
The spy who loved me
Is keepin' all my secrets safe tonight

And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?



“You know,” Sirius whispered, “I lied.”

I gave him a confused look.

“I know who was my first kiss.”


Sirius peered down at me. “You.”

“No…I couldn’t have been.”

“You’re right in a way because I kissed you.”

I gave him a look and he continued.

“I was at that party you told me about this morning. I hadn’t thought of it in years because I never knew who the girl was because the minute I sat down to steal some of Regulus’s Butterbeer the bottle landed on me. Now I was fully prepared to walk away. I had no idea who you were but I felt bad. Besides the blindfold you were cute. Your black hair was down and you were wearing a tiny little blue dress. Now if that didn’t sway me it helped that your lips were all puckered out, ready to go. So I figured, what the hell. Why not get it out of the way? You would never know who I was. Then I kissed you….” His smile was blinding. “I never thought I would enjoy it so much. It actually scared me a bit so I walked away and I never thought about it since.”



I kissed him because in that instead everything was as it was meant to be. Yeah I could have chosen differently but whenever Sirius’s path was thrown into mine I choose to love him even from the start when I had no idea what could happen. So maybe meant to be was bullshit and I just simply chose him but I’d like to think fate had a hand in giving us so many chances.



“I love you Sirius.”

He held me tight. “Forever.”




Authors Note:

It has been a delight writing this novel. I thank everyone who has reviewed and read since i started writing this last year. It meant a lot to me. Now Juliette's story isn't completely over. Now you will see the world through her daughter Lexi's eyes. PLEASE REVIEW. I hope you'll like it. I've been working on that story on the side and I think it ties in nicely. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Chapter Twenty One:     
The World Will Never Do       By: Cobrastairship
Chapter Twnety Two:     All I Wanted                             By: Paramore


Chapter Twenty Three:   What It's Like                         By: Everlast