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Six and a Half Days by MagicalMiss

Format: Short story
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 6,078
Status: WIP

Rating: 12+
Warnings: No Warnings

Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Characters: Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, OtherCanon
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 03/09/2009
Last Chapter: 03/30/2009
Last Updated: 04/02/2009


We have been outed. The jig is up - even if I don't have a clue what that means. Actually I know exactly what it means; that I haven't spoken to James Potter in six and half days. I think it is starting to affect me. I'm talking to myself. 
And I don't know what is worse... being talked about or not talking to him. 
All I know is I miss him and it is a long story as to why.

Chapter 1: Bliss
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It has been six and a half days since I spoke to James Potter. 

One hundred and fifty six hours. 

Nine thousand, three hundred and sixty minutes. 

Five hundred and sixty one thousand six hundred seconds. 

Basically a long time where I have been forced to think I was wrong and an even  longer time to be miserable and too stubborn and stupid to do anything about it. 

I’m supposed to be angry. That’s what everyone thinks anyway. 

The reason I have not spoken to James Potter in six and a half days is because I am angry. 
He told a lie. He told a lie that everybody now thinks it is the truth and I am supposed to be angry about it. Confused? So am I. 

Seven and a half days ago things were perfect. They were complicated but at least it was a private kind of complicated. I was in a happy relationship. 

Happy might be the wrong word. Blissful. It was a blissful, slightly dysfunctional relationship until and a series of strange and totally unrelated events somehow led to the cultivation of this incredible awkward situation where I am angry and he is a liar. 

Thinking back I don’t even know how that happened. I guess it was the first strange and unrelated event. One moment James Potter and I were fighting – err, I mean having a discussion like the mature people we are about a silly question from herbology then all of a sudden he kissed me. 

Or I kissed him. 

I’m not quite sure. There may have been movement from both parties, I’m sure but it doesn’t really matter who kissed who, right? The point was all of a sudden we were kissing. Each other. In case that wasn’t clear enough. 

In hindsight it may have been a mistake to let it happen but at the time I wasn’t really thinking. It wasn’t what I expected. I don’t think I really expected to like kissing James Potter, I mean I thought I hated him but this was different. This was nice. More than nice; catch my breath, heart stopping life altering nice

More surprisingly for once in my life, possibly the first time too, I didn't freak out. I didn't panic or run or even want to slap him. It was like it was normal. 

It felt right. And I told him that and was rewarded with one of those smiles that lit up his whole face and makes him look like an adorable little kid. 

I am pathetic; my knees actually went weak. 

So the next morning after preparing myself for some sort of intense reaction from his friends and admirers and whatnot I found out he hadn’t told anybody anything that had happened. 

Yeah, say what? I know. 

I had sat down to breakfast confused. James was chatting with his friends as usual when he looked up and gave me a nod. 

Well, not so much of a nod but half nods; you know one of those chin lifts that doesn’t really say anything but is more of an acknowledgement. He acknowledged I was there and he did it all without a pause in his conversation. 

At the time the only conclusion I could come to was that he had changed his mind. I had felt sick, humiliated and just a little bit angry. 

I was ready to either fling my eggs at him or storm out and when he laughed at something Sirius had said I opted for both. 

I have never been what you would call emotional but that really got to me and the sight of a shell shocked James Potter with egg on his face (quite literally) was extremely satisfying. 

My stunt was rewarded with a detention before I could undertake the second step of my brilliant plan. And James being James had quickly recovered and started laughing again, which landed him in detention with me. 


It made me feel a whole lot better. 

I was still mad when he grabbed my arm and dragged me into an empty corridor after potions and asked/demanded to know what was up with the egg tossing. But he said it with a smile like he still found it funny and I may have called him a jerk or something similar and tried to storm off. 

He had looked surprised to which I explained, rationally of course, that he hadn’t told.
He reminded me I hadn’t either and I had made a crack about having no one to tell except Severus Snape to which he did not look amused. 

I had had a few more witty lines ready when he kissed me again. This time I know it was he who made the first move. 

And I forgot everything I wanted to say. 

“I like this.” He told me after years had passed. 

“What is this?” 

He shrugs. “Whatever you want it to be.” 

“You didn't tell.” I say stupidly. He tells me it he was afraid I had changed my mind; it was only something if I wanted it to be. 

It was kind of cute. 

We were just going to give it a few days to you, know see what happened. 

Except a few days turned into months. Almost six months to be exact.

Our relationship was simple. Keeping it a secret? Not so much. 

We snuck around. We lied and made up dodgy excuses for our whereabouts and behaviour. We were almost caught a million times by being too close, saying inappropriate things or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it was strangely exciting; arranging meeting places or sneaking a moment before tea. We were together where people weren’t. I learnt that after all those years of mischief James knew the castle extremely well. He showed me all the passage ways that lead in and around the castle, took me to hallways I had never seen before and to the kitchens for late night trifle. He even showed me the room of requirements. 

With him I didn't mind breaking the rules. 

And I don’t know how we kept it up, how either of us kept it a secret for that long but the more time stretched the harder it was to go public. For some reason it worked because even though I never thought it would happen I was falling in love with James Potter. 

Well, until five months, twenty two days and something like fourteen hours from that first kiss when the masks finally dropped and our secret was exposed. Game over.

Chapter 2: Snowballing
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The incredibly awkward situation began in an actually quite normal way. 

It just snowballed from there on. 

My mind was on an upcoming potions essay when I quite literally ran into Severus Snape. Instantly though, I had taken in his haggard appearance and forgotten the essay to question what was wrong. We didn't talk so much anymore but he used to be my friend. 

However, his only answer was to sneer at me before turning away. 

I had seen what sort of dark magic his so called friends were into and was always scared he was going to follow then too far. So I chased after him, asking again for him to talk to me. “Sev, come on.” I begged. 

“I’m back to Sev now? Leave me alone.” He told me in less than pleasant way. Trust me, the words ‘leave me alone’ were not used. 

“I was just asking if everything was okay.” 

“You haven’t spoken to me in almost two years.” He accused. 

I bit my lip, feeling guilty. “You don’t look so well, are you in trouble?” 

He began to chuckle darkly. “You have no idea what’s going on out there do you? Sheltered Lily Evans locked in her Gryffindor tower thinks I’m in trouble? It’s happening Lily, he is growing stronger and you are on the wrong side.” 

I held my head defiantly, growing angry as he spoke. I had only asked if he was okay. “You have a twisted idea about what is right, Severus.” 

He scoffed. “And James Potter is right? I’ve seen you two together.” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I said growing angry. 

“Pathetic. You can’t even admit it.” 

“I was wrong about him. And you obviously.”
“You think he is better than me? He is a blood traitor and his friends are no better. Blood traitors and animals. The world will be a better place without them.” 

I felt sick. The way he spoke was so cold; this wasn’t the boy I used to know. This Snape was dark and twisted. “And me? The mudblood?” 

He stepped closer again. Our noses were practically touching but I couldn’t step back any further. “You I could save.” 

“What happened to you?” I asked quietly. 

There was a moment’s silence in which I wasn’t sure what he was going to do when all of a sudden he was gone, pulled away from me and thrown to the ground. Snape looked as surprised as I did as James loomed above him. 

“Stay away from her.” He ordered, turning to grab my arm. I pulled away from him at the same time that Snape sent a jinx James’ way. It missed but in the ten seconds James was distracted Snape lunged at him, dragging him to the ground as well. 

All my screaming did nothing as they began to fight for real; a strange mixture of punches with the odd jinx thrown in when possible. 


Horrendously stupid. 

And that was the guy I was supposed to be in love with. One could say that it was self defence but the way he was throwing punches I knew it was way past that. 

Without thinking I pulled out my wand and used the first spell that came to mind. James, strung up by his ankle, looked quite surprised by my choice in spell. One day I would have to thank him for teaching me that one. McGonagall came rushing around the corner as I with another flick of my wand I let him loose again. Sadly he was prepared for the fall and caught himself before his head could hit the ground. A real shame. 

As soon as he was on his feet I pushed him hard. “What the hell was that?” I screamed, pushing him once more for good measure. Not that it did much. He barely moved. I turned to see Severus still crouched on the ground smirking at James like he had won. Oh hell no, no one won; they were both idiots; I just expected more from James. 

With McGonagall on the scene I figure I leave so I, in all my melodramatic glory, gave him one last shove before exiting stage right, leaving them to whatever punishment they were about to receive. 

He may or may not have called after me. I don’t know; the static like anger in my ears made it difficult to hear his voice. 

I mean, I can imagine what it would have looked like from an outsider’s point of view sure; girl trapped in corner, boy in her face… especially when it was Severus Snape but had I ever needed him to rush to my rescue? I really thought he had gotten over his heroics. 

Unfortunately approximately three minutes later he caught up with me on the sixth floor. “I’m not sorry.” he said in way of an opening line. “I hate the guy.”
Well duh. I continued to ignore him. I tried to walk faster but he kept up. 

“And I hate the way he looks at you.” 

He was jealous? I hadn’t been sneaking around with Severus for last few months. I called him an idiot. Again. “We were only talking.” 

“Talking, really? With you pushed up against a wall and him with his greasy face inches from yours?” 

“Maybe we were going in for a snog and you ruined the moment.” 

He didn't even have the decency to pretend to be hurt by that. Disgusted maybe but not hurt. “Oh, another secret romance?” 

“Yeah I have a total of seven going now.” 

“Your lucky number.” He spat back quite bitterly. 

I stopped as we reached the seventh floor corridor, turning to him. “He was actually warning me off you.” 

I was geared up for a good argument but once again James Potter surprised me. Instead of launching into an attack on Snape he rubbed at his eyes and checked his watch. “I have to go.” He told me suddenly, leaving me alone in the hallway as he ran in the opposite direction of the common room. 

Any residual anger had quickly dispersed into a nice well rounded state of confusion. It was almost curfew. Where would he be going at this time? I ran after him, but he had seemingly disappeared. 

Figuring he couldn’t be long anyway I headed back to the common room to wait for him. Something was up if he gave in that easily. 

By midnight I was sitting at the window staring at the moon when I was reminded of Severus’ little digs today. 

The werewolf theory he had told me a couple of years ago. 

That was when my silly brain put two and two together and came up with five. I jumped to the conclusion that his theory was wrong; that it was actually James. 

It’s not that crazy when you think about it either, James was always absent at the full moon, (or I think had been for the last four months), he was always tired and moody around then and often appeared with strange cuts and bruises. I had no other explanation to go on and what can I say? I panicked slightly. 

It was a long night. 

It was just after dawn when he, Sirius and Peter all struggled in looking tired and dirty. I think they were as surprised to see me there as I was to see all of them together. 

Without Remus. 

I got four that time. While James sat in class irritable and half asleep Remus Lupin 
simply didn't show up. 

“Merlins tea cosy Remus really is a werewolf!” Was what I shouted before James, in one giant leap crossed the room and covered my mouth with his hand. 

“You figured that out from what?” James hissed at me after an eternity has passed.
I didn't understand what that is supposed to mean but I bit his hand for good measure and demanded to know what they were doing out there. I mean, full moon, werewolf on the loose and they decide to go for a midnight stroll? I was not stupid enough to believe that was a coincident. 

Total silence. Total awkward silence. There were shuffling feet and sideways glances. “Well?” I pressured. 

Peter looked at Sirius, Sirius looked at James. James seeing the both of them looking at him coughed awkwardly, stalling for time. 

“And don’t you dare lie to me.” I threatened. 

James seemed to weaken at that moment. 

“Prongs.” Sirius cautioned in a low voice. 

Prongs? What does that mean Sirius?” I can’t help but mock. He ignored me, focusing instead on James. “You can’t.” 

“She knows half anyway.” 

How does she know half?” Sirius mocks. 

“I didn't!” James protested quickly. “I wouldn’t.” 

Oh he didn't. “Severus.” I cut in defiantly because James has definitely told me nothing. 

“Bloody Snape.” Sirius mutters. 

“Yeah!” James sneered. “Snape’s fault isn’t it?” 

“You know I never meant it to go that far!” Sirius protested. 

I was so lost by this point. 

“But - ” Peter attempts to cut in. Mistake. It was too meek. You can’t expect to get herd with a tiny interruption like that. I demanded to know what was going on and they both turn to look at me. Then James shot Sirius a look. He took a seat. I sensed defeat and waited, less than patiently, for the truth. 

At this point James gave me a weak half smile. “Remus is a werewolf.” 

I took a deep breath. Ok. That one I kinda knew but still a shock. “And you?” 

He shrugged weakly. “Keep him company.” 

Growing impatient, I ask for the hundredth time how. I guess Sirius was getting impatient also as he reminded James it was almost breakfast. Yet still he stuttered. 

I frowned, growing more and more afraid. My mind was jumping to silly conclusions. Scary conclusions. Was it both of them? Had Remus bitten James? 

That was about when in a huff of impatience and a few choice words, Sirius jumped up from the couch and leaped over the back, landing, much to my surprise, as a huge black dog. 

“Certainly one way to tell her.” Peter mumbled, taking Sirius’ seat. 

Who would have thought right? Animagi. As I opened my mouth again James lunged forward but I step back this time. I wasn’t going to scream. This was a silent kind of shock. 

Okay that was one thing I wasn’t thinking. Animagi never even crossed my mind. Maybe because the idea was positively ludicrous. After another eternity of silence I ask what he is, just because I needed to say something. They are all waiting for my reaction and I was trying so hard not to freak out but it’s not every day you find out your quasi-boyfriend can turn into a giant deer at will. 

I asked all the right questions in a calm voice while feeling anything but calm. And with Sirius pushing at my hand with his nose, his wet, dog nose it was growing more and more difficult to stay composed. The whole situation was just mind boggling. 

All I could think about were the dangers; its true werewolves don’t attack animals but I couldn’t believe they were actually willing to test that. Oh, I hope they had done their research before hand. But then to become an animagi was way beyond a fifth years capability. I was torn between admiration and complete rage. 

Finally I asked the question; “Does anyone know?” 

“Well we always assumed Dumbledore was savvy but it’s never been confirmed.” Sirius joked. “And then Snape… but that’s a long story and doesn’t paint me in the best light.” 

“I can’t believe you never told me.” 

Sirius snorted. “Because this has worked out so well for us.” 

“I’m sorry.” James said sincerely. 

“Would you have ever?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“I’m sorry; I’m tired and a little confused.” Sirius butted in. I look over at him, eyes closed like he was bored with the conversation. He opened them only to glare at me. “Why does this concern you?” 

“Because he should have told me.” I stuttered, seeing my mistake. Why should I care? Sirius snorted indignantly again, accusing me of sounding like a girlfriend. 

There was another awkward silence. I mean, I have lied about our relationship but not outright. In this silence Sirius jumped up, hand covering his mouth. “No way.” he gasped. 

No one could deny anything. 

“How long?” 


James and I just stared at each other until Sirius impatiently repeated his question. 

“Five months.” James answered quietly. Almost six actually. 

“You two have been together for five months and you kept it a secret?” Sirius said very loudly just in time for a few early risers to hear. Fabulous. “What are we talking, a secret date or two, drunken hook-up, smooching in broom cupboards or are we talking -” 

“Sirius…” James cut in tiredly as I grew alarmed. 

He laughed. “Well that about answers that question.” 

And to my horror I start to cry. Trying to avoid eye contact with our ever growing audience I pushed past him and headed for the dorms. It was Sunday; could at least hide for the day and everything would pass… or so I thought. 

Unfortunately the snowball was still baby sized. 

Monday was a full on avalanche.

Chapter 3: Talk
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James Potter was the Hogwarts sweetheart and this wasn’t just gossip, it was a scandal. As I slept most of Sunday the news spread quickly. Wildfire quick. Even though I had sworn never to leave the safety of my bed again my stomach would simply not let me. I talked myself into it. 

It wouldn’t be that bad. 

So we were secretly dating and had been outed. Big deal. I had already been totally humiliated; it couldn’t get any worse. 

Silly me. 

Silly delusional me. 

People actually whispered and laughed as I approached and passed. I could feel my cheeks growing warm by the moment. I was not equipped to handle public attention. I was going to give up when James spotted me and rushed over, instantly in defence mode. I tried to explain that I didn’t care about that. “It’s just the whole deer thing - ” 

“Stag.” He was quick to interrupt. 

“Stag thing then. You should have told me.” 

“It was complicated.” 

“How?” Behind us I hear a few more titters. I tried to ignore them but James grabbed my hand, dragging me outside and away from everyone. 

“How could I tell you without revealing Remus’s secret?” 

“That doesn’t bother me.” 

“It bothers him.” He told me somewhat desperately. “You should have seen him when we confronted him about it. He was terrified we would treat him differently.” 

It suddenly occurred to me at that point that I hadn’t slept at all last night. After reassuring him that I understood I made to move away again. I wasn’t mad anymore; I had just run out of things to say. 

He hadn’t. “I didn't tell them about us either.” 

“That’s different.” 

“Not really.” 

I sighed again, this time in defeat. Maybe I didn’t have any right to be angry. So instead I asked what it is like to turn into an animal. It was a peace offering and he willingly accepted it. His face broke into a grin as he pulled me close in a hug. It was nice for the moment before I heard a small, “Look at that.” 

I stepped away, embarrassed. “Everyone is talking about us.” 

“So? Let them talk.” He says slinging his arm around my shoulders. My smile in return faltered and I found myself moving away from him even more. I was ashamed but he was pretended not to notice. Instead he stepped away and simply led me in the direction of the kitchens where there was no one but house elves. We stayed until close to curfew talking about animagi. 

It was perfect. I had the same privacy of my bed, pot-roast and James Potter. 

Letting them talk was the easy part. Not hexing proved much more difficult. 

“I hear she has to make it extra strong to keep him interested.” Some girl hissed to her friend as I followed after them. Not on purpose either; if there was another way to get to the charms I would have taken it. Ignorant to the fact that I was behind them they openly discussed their theories concerning my ability to brew a love potion. 

As if I would ever be that desperate. 

“They completely do not go together.” The other said. 

“I know! Have you seen her hair? Totally fake.” 

Why the hell would my hair be fake? Irritably, I cleared my throat. They both turn and seeing me there without shame laugh at being caught out before speeding up. They aren’t the last to talk about me. Some I am convinced do so blatantly in hopes of hearing the truth outright. 

When it got a little too much I found myself ducking into the bathrooms. 

Unfortunately Mary Macdonald followed me, just to see if I was okay. I don’t think she cared if I was okay; she just wanted to hear the news straight from me. Apparently me saying I do not want to talk about meant very little. 

That was when Evelyn Gray, a particularly nasty slytherin girl of our year sauntered out of a cubicle proclaiming that she didn't believe any of it. Mary instantly jumped to my defence, proclaiming that we had been a couple for four months. 

I didn't have the heart to correct her. Or maybe I didn't have the energy.

“And if it is true it was a secret because?” Evelyn charges like I wasn’t there anymore. “James Potter must be horrified people are even talking about this.” 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I snapped before Mary has a chance to speak. 

Evelyn stared down her nose at me. “Exactly what it sounded like. Now, James Potter went slumming for a night? That I would believe. He wouldn’t really be concerning himself with the likes of you.” 

“You mean a mudblood like me?” 

Mary gasped, shocked that I would say such a word but Evelyn only shrugged. “You said it not me but everyone agrees. And it is only a matter of time before James Potter realises who he is in this world and realises how people like you don’t belong in it.” 

For the first time in my life I wanted to hex someone for no reason other than she was a bitch. The moment quickly passed as her words sunk in and I found myself agreeing with her. Suddenly I doubted his actions, believing for a moment that he was ashamed. 

I told Mary I would meet her in potions and hiked it up to my dorm instead where I had intended to stay until every single person in the school had left.
In reality thought, I stayed until James sent a first year up to ask where I was. 

Knowing I had no choice I hauled myself from the comfort and security of my bed and met him downstairs. He quickly confirmed his day was fine by taking my hand. 

And for a moment I felt so much better. Like really everything would be okay as long as my hand was in his. 

Then we reached the great hall and Evelyn strolled by. All she did was smirk in our direction and I felt a little sick. James didn't notice. 

Sirius cracked up as we sit across from him. “I still can’t believe you two.” 

I found myself standing up, telling them I was no longer hungry before walking as quickly as my legs would carry me. 

James was of course quick to catch me, begging to know what is wrong. 

“I think it’s over.” I told him in a small voice. “It’s too different now.” 

He looked confused and I try to explain how people have acted all day, how Evelyn was and Severus. How I have been called every foul thing under the sun. 

“There is a rumour I am pregnant.” I tell him desperately when he continues to joke around. 

“Which I hope is so not true.” 

“That we have a financial agreement.” I pressed. 

He grinned at me and I could have smacked him. “You mean that would have worked?” 

Okay I did smack him. “And I use love potions and curses to keep you interested.” 

“As if you would need either.” He cooed. 

I hate when he is cute. 

“Some first year even claims that he saw me sneaking out of your room.” 

He gave me a look on that one. Okay so that one was quite possibly true, I did do that once or twice. I tried not to think about that now, I was trying to end this and remembering the look on his face as I crawled into his bed was not helpful.
James smiled reminiscently. “I’ll have to tell Sirius the real reason I wanted him out of the dorm so early. He kept asking why I was so eager to get to class.” 

“Yeah, run off and tell him I was hiding in your bed. Can you be serious for a moment?” I whined. Whining is always at last resort. It is not pretty. 

His smile drops. “None of it is true. It doesn’t matter.” 

I can’t explain anymore so I repeat myself, telling him whatever it was we had is over. I make it seem like it is his fault because if he is angry at me he might agree. Then I tell him I wish things were back like they were before he kissed me. I tell him it wasn’t real anyway and doesn’t matter. 

But I don’t tell him about Evelyn. I don’t tell him how ashamed I feel to have let her get to me. I don’t tell him that I am starting to feel like they all have a point; we are mismatched.

Shocked doesn’t really explain the look on his face. My chest felt tight like I can’t breathe, from knowing I caused that look. I turned quickly to escape, leaving him alone in the stairway. 

James Potter; my now ex-boyfriend. Who would have thought?

Chapter 4: Gossip
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While standing in front the bathroom mirror each morning it was easy to convince myself that it was just never meant to be. We just didn't match, that we were just too different. For a while I had played by his rules becoming carefree and spontaneous but it wasn’t me. Skipping classes wasn’t me. Lying to my friends wasn’t me. Detention definitely wasn’t me. 

It had just been a little fun. A well played out bit of fun. Almost six months of fun.
I was convinced. 

Then I saw him I was suddenly reminded that there would be no secret meetings or shared smiles across the classroom. I was at a loss of what to do. 

And it didn't help that he was suddenly everywhere. 

Avoidance became my best policy. It may not have been a long term solution but I also thought I would get over it. It had to end sooner or later and six months was definitely longer than I had ever expected. 

I thought it was over but ending things did definitely not put a stop to people talking. I could avoid James but I could not avoid everyone in the school. I kept my head down in hallways; I stayed quiet in classes and ate alone. There was nothing else I could do. I was already a pregnant prostitute that had to use potions and spells to keep a guy interested so what else could they say? 

But almost a week later while I was thanking the heavens that it was almost the weekend, people had started whispering something new. There was a new mood around the school; people were actually casting me sympathetic looks. For a moment I thought the pregnancy rumour may have taken off. 

In the great hall I spotted James easily as I always did. He was uncharacteristically slumped in his chair, keeping in eyes down like an attempting to blend in; something James Potter usually strived to do the complete opposite of. When someone spoke to him I expected him to snap out of it, to greet them with his usual inane grin. Instead his smile was grim as he accepted what ever they said. 

I was confused. I did not understand what was going on. 

Someone touched my arm and I whipped around. The girl smiled at me. “Absolutely pathetic what he did.” 

“Deplorable.” Her friend agreed. 

I wanted to ask what he had done. I was on my way over when Sirius Black got in my way. “What -- ” I asked as I was dragged back out of the great hall. I was ignored until I forceful wrenched my arm from his grasp. “Sirius! What is going on?”

“Hey Lily, have you heard the goss?” He asked in an over excited sing-song voice. “Apparently James Potter made the whole thing up.” 

Say what? 

“So, like, he is so in love with you that he just pretended you were having some sort of secret affair. He was just that desperate. How pathetic right?” 

Well that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. “Who started it?” I asked, although we both knew I already knew the answer. 

“James did.” He said dropping the act. “And by making sure people like Mary Macdonald knew he had it spread around the school before breakfast.” He shrugged his shoulders. “So everything is back to normal now. Just like before.” He said. I had the sinking feeling those were James’ words and not his. 

They stung. 

I couldn’t speak. I had no idea what to say to the idea of James Potter turning himself into today’s gossip to spare me. I did however have a sudden appreciation to what he must have putting up with this morning. Sirius though apparently thought he still had a point to make, letting me know exactly what kind of a person he thought I was. 

I nodded along even though I had only heard half of his speech. I didn't need him to tell me all this. I already felt horrible. 

Every time I saw James that day I wanted to tell him I was sorry, tell him that everything had just sort of tumbled out of control and I hated it. 

A million times I almost walked over to him, with prepared to at least say something but then I lost my nerve. He would just look at me with this sad half smile and shrug as if to say; hey, this is what you wanted. 

What I really wanted to do was to scream at him. It was the complete opposite of what I wanted. I didn't like anything about this situation I had created. 

I didn't like the way he kept his eyes down in the hallway as people teased him. I didn’t like that it was my fault that if I had been able to do that at the start none of this would have happened. 

And I didn’t like that I can’t tell him any of this. I didn't like that we didn't even talk anymore.
We hadn’t spoken since Monday night. 

By the following Sunday I was loosing my mind. 

People must have noticed as when I emerged from the shower Tina and Mary were waiting to talk to me. I immediately had a very bad feeling. 

“What?” I demanded somewhat rudely when it got just a little too awkward. I was waiting for them to act, to do or say anything. Finally Tina Lancrey shot me a sympathetic look and patted the spot next to her on the floor, inviting me to sit. I did so trying desperately not to appear scared. 

Was I scared? Oh yes. This was the girl who could be your friend one minute and be tearing you down behind your back the next. There was no loyalty. 

“Mary told me everything.” 

I glanced at Mary and she nodded, loving the spotlight. 

“Everything what?” I asked quietly, not sure if I really wanted an answer. 

“How James asked me to change the story.” She replies smugly. 

Well that was news to me. “What story?” 

She sighed patiently. “You don’t have to pretend, silly.” She said, climbing down from her bed to sit in front of me. “And you don’t have to worry about us letting this secret out either.” 

Oh, good another secret? I was sick of the word. Secret. It was marred. 

“But you have been miserable for days.” Tina prodded. “And I don’t think he is much better.” 

I nodded slowly. “It’s bit of a mess.” 

“I don’t really understand.” Tina frowns. “Why?” 

I try to explain it as best as possible. How things just escalated. How it really started and the how it really ended. I told them how he was a completely different person to the one I knew before. How when he wasn’t showing off to his friends he was the sweetest person. 

It was nice to have someone to listen even if it was Mary and Tina. 

“It was kind of sweet what he did.” Tina told me afterwards. 

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It was sweet in a totally moronic kind of way. 

A completely James way. 

“I miss him.” I admitted. 

“Then fix it.” Mary told me pragmatically. I didn't think it was that simple. The situation wasn’t messed up, I had messed up. I didn't even know how to begin to fix things. I couldn’t just walk up and tell him I wanted to take it all back. 

"I haven't spoken to him in six and a half days!" I whine.

Mary smiled. "I would start with hello then."