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Cheating and Choosing by smart_ravenclaw

Format: Novella
Chapters: 6
Word Count: 10,574
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, OC
Pairings: Sirius/OC, James/Lily, OC/OC, Remus/OC

First Published: 02/08/2009
Last Chapter: 03/04/2009
Last Updated: 03/07/2009

Summary:
beautiful banner by hannah17 at TDA



Addison Marcotte's broken hearted, and upset, so she sleeps with her ex boyfriend, Remus Lupin's best friend... the same night Remus broke up with her.Oops.

Now her ex wants her back... until he finds out she slept with another guy.

Addison is still in love with Remus... yet she'sbeginning to fall for a guy she never expected.

"I choose you, I'm in love with you."


Chapter 1: What a huge mistake...
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I pushed my way through the window, and my knee snagged on the sill causing me to tumble forward and smack my face on the floor. I groaned and pushed myself up. I swayed to the side and grabbed the shower curtain for support. Of course, with my luck, the shower curtain ripped at the top and I fell once again into the bathtub with a screech.

I breathed deeply thinking regretfully of what I had just done. It wasn’t suppose to go this way, I was suppose to at least remember all of it, every detail, but my brain was too fuzzy from the alcohol.

There was rushing and the bathroom door burst open. “Addy!” I moaned in response to my name. Now that I thought about it my knee hurt. Really hurt. “Merlin, Addy! Your knee! It’s the size of a watermelon!” I opened my eyes and saw my older sister leaning over me.

“Hi Rina!” I said loudly in a silly sounding voice.

“Addy!” She whisper-shouted. “Shh! You’ll wake mum, and what are you doing, this is my department not yours! I’m the one whose suppose to be crawling through windows at three in the morning.” Suddenly I found something hilarious, and I started giggling hysterically.

“Really, Ad. You are NOT a good drunk.” She tucked one arm under my knees and the other behind my back and began to lift me. “Here we go.” She said in a somewhat strained voice as she lifted my weight. “Be glad you’re not fat.” She mumbled pulling me out into the hallway.

“My knee!” I moaned.

“Shh! I’ll get you some ice just be quiet!” She pulled open my bedroom door. And then flicked on the light and shuffled me over to my bed and gently lay me across it. She pulled her wand out of her pajama pocket and silently conjured an ice pack. “Here.” She pressed the ice pack to my knee and quickly wrapped it tightly with a bandage she must have acquired while I wasn’t looking.

“Rin, I did something not that great.” I said quietly snuggling into my pillow.

“Oh come on, everyone drinks every now and then.” She was pulling off my shoes and tossing them to the side. She grabbed my pajama pants and slipped them on under my dress before helping me into a tank top and tucking my covers over me. “Now we’re even for the times you covered for me. Now good night. You’ll feel like hell in the morning, at least get some sleep.” She turned and left flicking the lights off as she did.

I cuddled under my blankets. And then it hit me. The regret really hit me. Why had I done it? Intoxication really wasn’t an excuse because I shouldn’t have gotten drunk in the first place. I couldn’t believe this. I followed the rules. I never broke curfew, I had never even gone to third base, and now this. I had the image of being the biggest goody good there was, and I liked that, but now that image wasn’t true…

***

“Addison, wake up.” My head pounded as I opened my eyes, who was yelling? I rolled over and my heart stopped, and I actually screamed. I rolled back over and covered my face with my pillow.

“Wow.” I felt my bed sag as he sat down. “Impressive lungs you got there.”

“Why are you here?” I mumbled through my pillow.

“I thought we should talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I want to go to sleep and not wake up for a good year or so.” I said trying to imagine how horrible I looked and not wanting to raise my head from my pillow just in case I looked as bad as I thought and felt.

“Aw, you don’t mean that.” He reached out and touched my shoulder gently pulling me to turn over. “Come on.” He said in a sweet voice.

“No.”

“Addy.” He prodded.

“No.”

“Come on.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.” He laughed and pulled at my shoulder harder, and this time I gave in turning on my back and looking up into his beautifully golden eyes. My heart ached, and I felt suddenly worse than I had two seconds ago.

“Why are you here?” I repeated the question.

“I said I thought we should talk.”

“What’s there to talk about?” I said pushing myself up and sitting upright.

“I think I made a mistake.” My heart slammed. Great, this was just great.

“Remus-”

“Hear me out, okay? I went home and thought about it, and I realized I missed you so much, and I didn’t realize how much you really meant to me, and I really REALLY truly want to be with you. So please, Ad, will you take me back?” He cupped my face in his hands but I moved out of them. I felt like I was about to barf and I don’t think it was from the hangover.

“Uh, Remus, it’s kind of too late…” I said quietly getting up and fiddle with things around my room.

“What… what do you mean?” Remus said, and I dared a look at him. It was then that I noticed that I still had an ice pack around my knee and that it was really sore. I sat on the opposite edge of the bed of him and quickly took off my ice pack.

“I mean… I don’t think it would be fair to you if we went back out…” Remus and I had been going out for three years, and it took everything I had to not take him back right then and there. I had cared about him so much, and he had broken my heart last night. He had really hurt me. He had really really hurt me. “And I don’t think I’m ready to go back out with you…” I added quietly, forcing the words out. I felt tears accumulating in my eyes.

“Addy.” He reached out for me and then stopped. “Wait, what do you mean it wouldn’t be fair to me?”

“Nothing.” I didn’t want to tell him, I was too ashamed. Plus, if I didn’t let myself go back out with him, why would I have to tell him? I didn’t want to hurt him.

“No, why wouldn’t it be fair?”

“It’s… nothing.”

“Addison.” He said in a stern voice.

“I just, I did something I’m not proud of… last night.”

“What do you mean?” I wasn’t even touching him and I could still feel him go rigid.

“I was really upset, and I had a bit too much to drink and there was this guy…”

“You kissed him.” I snorted; oh boy did I wish that were all I had done. “You hooked up with him…?”

“Closer.” I muttered.

“Addison, you slept with him!” He yelled it and jumped up from the bed punching the lamp near my bed. I turned quickly to look at him in horror, and leapt up. “You cheated on me!”

“What? No! We weren’t together. We AREN’T together. Remus, calm down!”

“You cheated on me!” He screamed again pacing around the room his face red with anger, and his fists clenched so tight his knuckles were white.

“No I didn’t! Remus, please!” I reached out to him to touch his shoulder but he shoved it off.

“You didn’t sleep with him?” He stopped and glared me down.

“Remus… I did, but I didn’t cheat on you.” I said and I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. His eyes were ferocious, but I could still see hurt in them.

“I can’t believe you. Why would you do this to me?” He said suddenly quiet.

“Remus, you broke up with me.” But he just brushed past me and out of my room. I knew I should go after him, but I didn’t. I didn’t move. I felt so guilty. I felt horrible. How could I have done this to him? What a huge mistake…

---
A/N: This is just a prologue type of chapter outlining the main events, and setting the mood. Don't worry more details and such is chapters to follow! Don't be too hard on this chapter, it took me a while to figure out how to start it so I just settled with this...

Chapter 2: Feeling Unloved
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Flashback: August 28th, 9:03 p.m.
“Where’s Remus?” Marlene yelled over the pounding music. She swung her bottle of firewhiskey around in the air, and I grabbed at it laughing so she wouldn’t knock anyone out. Marlene was a horrible drunk, and I didn’t understand why anyone would drink that much…

“I don’t know he said he would be here. I’m sure he’s on his way.” I called at an equally loud volume. We were at one of James Potter’s infamous end of the summer parties. The music was booming, the firewhiskey was flowing, and everyone was dancing. It was one of his best ever. He had out done himself with the decorations as well. There were flashing lights, and sparkling streamers everywhere. I would have to ask him what charms he used some other time.

“He’s missing the best party ever! Woo!” She said swinging her hips around erotically and gaining attention of a few guys that were sliding by, one of which grabbed her and began to dance with her. Poor guy, drunk Marlene was a wild dancer that no guy was ever ready for.

“I’m going to go look for him, ‘kay?” I called to her though she wasn’t paying attention and instead focusing on her next dancing victim. I laughed as I turned and began to look around the party.

It didn’t take me long to spot his gorgeous reddish-brown hair. I hurried over to him and covered his eyes with my hands from behind. He jumped, startled.

“Guess who?” I said into his ear, smiling. He took my hands and lowered them from his face before turning around. He didn’t even have to speak for me to notice something was off. “What’s up?” I said slowly as his amber eyes looked at me with exhaustion.

“Can we talk?” He said slowly. I nodded, and he took my wrist and pulled me through the crowded room. He pulled open a door that led to the Potter’s study. There were bookshelves lining the walls and large brown armchairs in the middle. He leaned against one, not meeting my gaze.

“Remus, what is it?” I reached for him. Had someone died? But he didn’t look sad… He looked like he was being forced to do something, but not even that. He looked like he was about to do a chore.

“I don’t really know how to say this.” He rubbed the side of his face with his hand. A gesture he did whenever he wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t know where to begin. So I’m just going to come right out with it.”

“Okay.” I said slowly, my stomach knotted.

“I think we should break up.” I heard the words he said, but they didn’t registered. I stared at his face as though waiting for him to tell me he was joking. I stared at him for what seemed like hours, but he didn’t say anything more. Emotions started to build inside me, sadness, pain, confusion, anger… Then one took over.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” He obviously wasn’t expecting that outburst, and he jumped back away from me a few inches. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” I screamed on the top of my lungs.

“Addy, I… I just don’t think that this is a good relationship for either of us.”

“BULLSHIT! THAT’S THE STUPIDEST REASON I’VE EVER HEARD!” The other emotions caught up with me, and my voice cracked as I said, “You better give me a good reason right now!”

“I-I don’t think I love you anymore. I just think it’s time.” He said tentatively. Then I humiliatingly burst into tears. He reached for me, but I moved away.

“How can you not love me? I’ve given you everything! I’ve done everything!” I cried.

“Addy, it’s not you it’s – ”

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare give me that line! So what, we go out for three fucking years and you just decide out of the blue that you don’t love me anymore?” I said covering my face.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

“Great! So I’m just the fool. Thanks a lot!” He reached for me again, but I pushed him away. “Don’t touch me! Don’t act like you care! Save it!”

I turned and pushed through the door back into the booming music. I gasped for air in between my sobs, and ignored the looks that people were giving me. I felt like someone had ripped out my heart, trampled on it, and tried to put the broken pieces back in place. I felt so rejected, so horrible…

I elbowed my way through the crowd ignoring the many rude comments I received. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I ended up at the bar. The man behind it smiled at me, and said something like I must be having a rough time and told me the drink he shoved at me would take my problems away. I drank, wanting to find an escape, wanting the burning liquid to somehow, some way, take away the pain.

It didn’t help. After I had had too many drinks to count I felt horrible, and now I couldn’t even walk straight. I bumped into person after person. I would reach for someone for support, but they kept pushing me away; rejecting me.

I somehow made it to the stairwell. A rope blocked it off, but I pushed by it and stumbled my way up the stairs wanting to escape. I pushed through the first door I saw, and fell onto the unmade bed inside of it.

“Uh, hello?” A voice said from the corner. It was only then that I looked up and saw Sirius lounging in an armchair in the corner holding a letter in his hand.

“What are you up here?” The sentence didn’t sound right, and my words were slurred.

“I’m taking a breather…” Why was the room spinning? “What are you doing up here?”

“Suffering.” I said matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” He got up slowly and set the letter onto his window sill, crossing the room and sitting next to me where I leaned against the bed from a kneeling position on the floor that I had somehow gotten into. He grabbed me tightly around the waist, and effortlessly pulled me onto the bed beside him.

“Am I pretty?” I said drunkenly. My head felt fuzzy and I couldn’t make out his face so I leaned in closer.

He chuckled. “Your breath smells horrible. You’re so wasted.”

“Am I pretty?” I demanded.

“Of course you are, Addison.” I fell back onto his bed staring at his ceiling. I didn’t feel all that great. On top of my broken heart, my stomach now felt horrible. My heart, the pain hit me in full force. Tears were flowing from my eyes within seconds. “Woah, woah, Addison! What’s wrong?” He was touching my face.

“Why doesn’t he love me? Why aren’t I good enough?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, like you don’t know.” I scoffed. “He probably told you WEEKS ago, and you’ve just been laughing at me ever since knowing that I – ”

“Stop! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He broke up with me! Okay? There! I said it!”

“Remus broke up with you?” He sounded astounded maybe he really hadn’t known.

“Are you going to make me say it again?”

“No, no, but Addison. I’m so sorry.” He was leaning back on his elbow beside me, and I didn’t know what made me do it. Maybe it was the my desperation to want to feel loved, or the high amounts of alcohol pulsing through my body, but suddenly I was on top of him kissing him urgently willing him to kiss me back. At first he was frozen, and I felt my heart beginning to fall a part even more; I was about to be rejected again. And then just as I was about to pull away, his arms wrapped around me, and he kissed me back.

***

I should have gone after him, but I couldn’t. I sat frozen to my bed. I had really hurt him, and whether or not we were broken up, I had still hurt him, and I loved him, so that hurt me as well.

I sat there for I don’t know how long. Carina came in a sat with me for a while, her arm around me, holding me comfortingly. I barely heard her reassure me that mum and dad had gone to London early in the morning so they had heard nothing. After a while she whispered her apologizes and left to go somewhere.

I stared at the wall. It was off white, and had a nice texture. The longer I focused on it, the more I could work out pictures from the shadows. There was a bird, and then a bird perched on a nest, then a bird on a nest in a tree.

The tapping brought me back. It was persistent, and my need to shut it up broke me from my statue form. I turned and looked at the window. There was a mangy owl sitting there in the rain waiting impatiently with a letter tied to its leg.

I slowly got up and walked over to it, pulling the window open. It hopped in shaking off its wings as it did.

I untied the piece of parchment from its leg, and shooed it back outside, shutting the window behind it. I unrolled it slowly:

Addison,
    I think we really need to talk. Please meet me.
-Sirius


I crumpled the note in my hand and threw it at the off white wall. My body shook as I cried the tears I had been holding in all day. I threw open my closet’s door and pulled out my old broomstick.

I needed something to keep my mind off of what had happened. Flying through a dense forest at high speeds seemed to be a good plan.

---

A/N: Chapter two! I hope you liked it. I hoped you got the it was a flashback in the begnning and then present at the end. Tell me what you think. I love reviews! Chapter three coming soon.

P.S. I'm going to be changing the banner to my story in the near future, so if that's how you like identify it, just be aware it's going to be changed.


Chapter 3: Please Leave
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There was a huge forest just behind my house, with so many trees that from a distance it looked like a wall of bark. I use to go in it all the time when I was younger. I never went very far from fear of getting lost, but today I didn’t care where I was headed.

As soon as I saw the thousands of trees I kicked off of the rain-muddy ground. I began to fly as fast as my broom would allow my. The rain felt like daggers on my face but I ignored it as I entered the forest. I wove through it expertly. I wove between trunks, branches and leaves. Up, down, left, right…

I had to concentrate so hard on not fitting a tree and dying that every thought was banished from my mind. All I could think about was how far from that tree am I? Will the back of my broom hit it if I swerve? Is that branch going to slap me in the face?

I flew for hours, I was sure about it. The only thing that penetrated my intense concentration was the nagging hunger in my stomach. I jerked my broom around into the opposite direction that I believed was where my house was.

It took a good amount of time to finally find my way home. I cleared the tree, and landed at a run. I ran up onto my porch and then pushed through the door. I slowed to kick off my muddy shows as I entered my house. I moved quickly not wanting to have time to think, and ran up the stairs and hopped in the shower. I focused on scrubbing every inch of my body, properly conditioning my hair, and shaving my legs the muggle way without cutting myself accidentally.

I shut off the water, and then concentrated more than needed on what I was going to wear. When I was ready, I hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen. My dad was standing beside the stove with his wand out charming the pots to make our dinner.

“Hey, Ads.” He said looking up at me and smiling. My dad had dark brown hair that was long and floppy. He always smiled and was always there to say what you needed to hear to keep you going. Carina and him looked a lot alike. He had caring chocolate brown eyes, and pretty tanned skin. “Dinner will be ready, in… about 15 minutes.”

“When did you get back?” I asked him, curious. I hadn’t seen him and mum come home. Then again, I was in the forest flying at dangerous speeds.

“About an hour ago. Your mum’s working upstairs. “Rin is with Jonathan, but should be home shortly.” I nodded. That’s all he said before turning back and monitoring the cooking. Even with magic, he was horrible at cooking. Mum (being a muggle) didn’t have magic to use, and she was still better.

I tapped my fingers on the table, and they slowed as I remembered the many times Remus and I had sat here together in the early morning eating ice cream and how ---

I snapped my memories off, and was walking into the living room briskly looking for something to do. Then, I spotted it.

The piano. It was a beautiful baby grand. I hurried over to and sat on the bench pushing its lid back. I hadn’t played it in a long time. I lightly ran my fingers over the keys before pushing the middle C closing my eyes and enjoying it joyous tinkling sound. I had been playing ever since I was little, my mum had taught me, then I surpassed what she knew and I taught myself. I had always loved how it sounded.

Eyes still closed I began to play out a simple rhythm loving the clear sound of the keys. My simple song began to evolve into something slower yet more complicated. I started to think of Remus and Sirius and what had happened, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt as I played out my emotions on the piano. I was pounding on them swaying with the rhythm. The complicated patterns flying by before I could register what I, myself, was even playing.

A feeling of relief filled me as I played more and more, my song building. Then it transformed as I thought of the hurt I had seen in Remus’ eyes. I heard a stair creak behind me, and I stopped, the relief vanishing.

I turned quickly. My mum was standing on the staircase smiling at me, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, her blue eyes sparkling.

“Don’t stop.” She said quietly. “You haven’t played in so long. Please keep playing.” And I did. I kept playing. I didn’t know for how long, but I played as long as my fingers allowed, loving the feeling of relief that filled me. Later I wondered what happened to eating, but as I sat there playing I thought of my problems and in that moment they didn’t hurt.

***

Eventually I stopped playing, my hands were cramping up, and my dad finally said that if we didn’t eat then the food would be ice cubes. I had played so long, the Carina had come home and she joined us for dinner. I didn’t have to worry about thinking about my life since my family talked so much.

I was clearing the table when there was a knock on the door. Carina skipped over and answered it. I didn’t hear who it was over the running water of the sink as I charmed it to clean the dishes.

“Addy?” Carina said popping her head around the corner. “Someone here to see you.” It was probably Marlene. I needed to talk to her.

I hurried into the living room ready to cry on her shoulder and to tell her everything, but instead I saw Sirius standing, looking awkward. My heart thudded and my stomach knotted painfully.

“Addison?” He said, as I stood there frozen to the spot my eyes wide. So many emotions filled me. Every memory I had of last night popping into my mind, every pain I had felt this morning hit me like they had just happened. “Addison, are you okay?”

I paused before almost whispering, “No.” His face looked pained as I said the word, he had obviously been hoping for a different answer. He hesitantly took a step towards me; afraid I would run.

“Let talk, okay?” He said gently. I still didn’t move. “It stopped raining, and it’s contently warm out. Do you want to go on the porch?” He took another step.

“I don’t want to talk.” I said. My mind wasn’t even made up on the fact, but it was slowly coming around. “I just want to forget it.”

“Please.” His eyes looked pleading, and he was now standing in front of me and he reached out and gently touched my arm. I winced at his touch and moved away. It hurt… “Just give me a minute.”

“No.”

“30 seconds?” I heard my parents talking upstairs, and that made it okay to say what I was about it.

“What are you going to say to me that could possibly make me feel better, Sirius? I got drunk, and lost to my virginity to some guy who I don’t love, and I barely remember a thing.” He looked stunned.

“You… you were a… virgin?” I finally looked him in the eye. “Didn’t you a Remus…?”

“No, we didn’t.” I said pointedly. “I was waiting.”

“For marriage?”

“Does it matter?” I said getting annoyed.

“I’m really sorry, Addison. I didn’t know…”

“And what if you had, would that have changed things?”

“I… I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.”

“Please leave.” I said quietly. I didn’t want him to make me remember all of this. It hurt to look at him.

“Addison.” He said in a pained voice taking my hand in his, and I tugged it away.

“Please?” I looked up at him, and felt a tear drip down my cheek. He lifted his hand to wipe it away, but then dropped it thinking otherwise. He turned a left. I stood there staring after him, trying to erase the memories.

When I was in my room I pulled a piece parchment, and quickly began to write on it.

Marlene,
    Please come over tomorrow. I need you, I’m falling apart. I did something stupid. Tomorrow in the morning. Please.
--- Addy

---

A/N: I promise it will get less depressing! Soon, too =) . I have trusted author status, so I will be updating fairly quickly. Please review. I would like to hear you thoughts! Like? Hate? Love?

They're going to be heading for Hogwarts soon! Yay!

Chapter 4: I Think We Should Talk
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I woke up to the crinkling of a plastic bag. I turned onto my right side slowly to see Marlene setting out two small cartons of my favorite ice cream - Phish Food - onto my bedside table. She smiled at me like she was a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar, and then she smiled at me.

"'Morning, sleepy head." She said sitting next to me as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I hadn't slept much last night. "So." She said slowly. "I talked to Carina, and she told me that you were a wreck yesterday, and your note is worrying me. So what's up?"

I swallowed, and took a deep breath. "After I left you to go find Remus, I found him. And he...” I trailed off.

"He...?" She prodded touching my arm.

"He broke up with me." And the pain in my heart came back.

"Oh my gosh, Addy! I am so sorry." She scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"That's not it." I whispered quietly.

"Oh?" She said, obviously surprised.

"I told you I did something bad." I said pained, I didn't want to talk about it, but I knew that Marlene would know what to do, and that she would be there for me. "After that, I was so hurt that I drank... a lot."

"You drank?" She was surprised again.

I ignored the comment and moved on. "I got kind of loopy, and well, everyone kept pushing me around so I just went upstairs. I went into the first door I that saw hoping for some quiet, and, well, Sirius was there. I basically started bawling, and then I can't even remember the rest, but I woke up in his bed naked, and I could just tell we'd done it..."

"Oh my gosh. Were you safe?"

"I don't even know!" The tears were on their way. "I don't even remember barely any of it! I don't remember how long we did, how we did, where we did it, or even if I had thrown up on him while we did which is very possible seeing as how drunk I was." The tears spilled over. Marlene squeezed me.

"So what did you do after you woke up?" She said gently.

"It's not that clear of a memory... But I left. And I climbed up the tree on the side of my house and somehow got into the bathroom window, then Carina helped me the rest of the way. And then yesterday morning Remus came over, and woke me up telling me he wanted me back!" I started sobbing.

"And do you? Do you want to be back with him?" Marlene said rubbing my arm.

"I don't know. I don't think I do. I still really love him, but I can't." Then it was clear. "I can't go back out with him, Marlene. I don't want to be hurt like that again. And if he did it once, who's to say he won't again?"

"You're right." Marlene said. I felt a little better, it was good to hear someone agree with me; Marlene always knew what to say. "Does Remus know?"

"He knows who I slept with someone and it really hurt him, but I can't tell him who it was with. Sirius is his best friend. I still love him, Marlene, and that would kill him."

"I understand. Have you talked to Sirius?"

"Well, he came over, but it hurt too much to see him so I told him to leave."

"Addy, I think you need to talk to him."

"I don't want too." I said looking at her, confused. Why should I talk to him?

"Because, whether you remember it or not, you had sex with him. Talking to him will make you feel a little better, not all the way, but better. You need to work things out; you need to talk about it. To make sure both of you are on the same page. You have to make sure that he doesn't read too much into it." I knew she was right.

"It hurts too much..." Marlene reached over and popped an ice cream carton open, grabbed a spoon and handed it too me. I scooped it, and took a bite, the chocolate and caramel oddly helped.

"I know, Ads. But I think you have too."

"Sadly, I think you're right." I took a deep breath and wiped my face clear. Having her here helped me think more clearly. I unexpectantly hugged her, and smiled weakly. "Thanks, Marlene."

"And, hey, I know how much it hurts. I've had my fair share of heartbreaks. It'll get better in time. I promise you." She rubbed my back, and grabbed at my ice cream, and we laughed together as I pulled it away out of her reach.

***

The night was warm as I walked down the street. It was a bit of a walk, but it gave me time to clear my head. Seeing Marlene this morning had really helped. Hanging out with her had helped me feel better, and I felt better by not ignoring my problems, but by talking about them. That had caused my breakthrough. I could push everything away, but in the end it was still going to be there and still hurt, or I accept what happened, and start getting over it.

I had made a mistake. An enormous mistake, but just because I didn't think about didn't mean that it hadn't happened. I realized that it was going to hurt for a while, but I would get over it... hopefully.

I came to the house I had been looking for and I stepped up onto the porch and crossed over to the door.

I took a deep breath and knocked three times on it. My heartbeat sped as I waited. I heard footsteps, and took another deep breath as the door opened.

"Addison Marcotte." James said with a goofy smile.

"Hi." He was wearing boxers and a T-shirt, and I felt really uncomfortable. "Is Sirius home?"

"Booty call?" Without thinking, I slapped him hard across the face. Where had that come from? "Ow!" he said rubbing his face. "I get it, sore subject." I pushed past him; I would find Sirius myself. I was angry, and I had wanted to handle this calmly.

I found the door I had gone in that night and I pulled it open. The room was dark and I almost left, but I noticed him lying in the bed. I checked the time; it was 9 o'clock, I never thought he'd be going to bed this early during the summer.

I kicked the bed with my foot. "Get up!" He leaped about four feet into the air, and then turned around and glared at me. Suddenly his face softened.

"Addison. What are you doing here?"

"You told him?!" I said loudly.

"Woah, woah, what?"

"You told James that we slept together?!" He looked frightened.

"Addison! I'm sorry, he's my best mate. Please calm down." I stood there fuming for a few seconds, and he reached over and turned on a lamp. It was then that I noticed that he was shirtless. I averted me eyes, not wanted to swoon over his perfect muscles as so many others did. I think he noticed, because he grabbed a shirt from the ground and pulled it over his head. He swung his legs off his bed, and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told him.”

"I think we should talk." I said. He looked up at me.

"What?"

"I think we should talk." I repeated in an even voice, forcing myself to be calm and not angry.

"Oh, um, okay." He paused and then patted the bed beside him. I hesitated; I didn't want to be on his bed, it brought back memories. I glanced around the room. "Uh... Here." Sirius said getting up and walking over to his desk and pulling out the chair and setting it in front of his bed where he sat, and motioned towards it.

I sat down slowly.

"So." Sirius said studying my face. "Why the change? You looked pretty made up when I came and tried to see you last night."

"Yeah, well I talked to Marlene and I just think this is best."

"Okay, so what's on your mind?"

“I just wanted to make sure, that you know that it didn’t mean anything.” I said watching him. In the dim light of the one lamp I couldn’t quite make out the details of his facial expression, but he was massaging his forearm with his hand gently.

“I… yeah, I figured.”

“I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Did you... do you have a girlfriend?” He looked up at me them, and smiled oddly.

“No. I don’t and I didn’t.”

“Good because I would’ve felt even worse.”

“You feel bad?” The answer seemed so obvious, did he even have to ask?

“Yeah. I do. How am I supposed to feel? I mean… my boyfriend breaks up with me for no good reason, I get so drunk, and now I feel so… slutty. I told myself I would never have a one night stand.” I said my voice cracking a little. Tears didn’t come, I think I was too cried out to cry again.

“Addison.” He reached out for me and I flinched away, but he reached again, and took my hand in his and held it between the two of his. I didn’t want him touching me, and I tried to pull away, but he held my hands firmly. “Addison, listen to me, okay?” He found my eyes. “Remus doesn’t deserve you, if he is going to be inconsiderate enough to break your heart without so much as a reason, then he’s not worth it.”

“He tried to get back together the next morning.” I said quietly. I felt his grip loosened, and somewhere in the back of my mind panicked because it didn’t want him to let go. The panic surprised me, two seconds ago I hadn’t even wanted him to touch me, but I welcomed his warmth.

“Tried?” His hands stayed around mine, and that small part of my mind was happy.

“I didn’t… get back with him. I don’t want to hurt like that again.” There was silence, and neither of us spoke for a moment. I’m not sure that he knew what to say.

“Oh.” Was all that came out; he seemed surprised. “You’re not slutty, you know?”

“I slept with you, while drunk, and we’re not even in a relationship. Heck, you’re my ex’s – ” that word felt foreign on my tongue “ – best friend!”

“We all do things we regret. But that doesn’t change who we are.”

I considered that, and it seemed true. I felt a little better. Then I had to ask; “Were we safe…?” I said timidly looking down at our hands. I had to know. He squeezed my hand.

“Yes, Addison, we were.”

“Good.”

“This is going to change things isn’t it?” I looked up at him, not sure what he was talking about. “Are we still going to be friends?” Sirius and I had never been really close, but we had been friends. It was inevitable; he was one of Remus’ best friends, so we spent a lot of time together.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully. His expression changed, and I saw something that looked like sadness in his eyes. “It’ll be… weird. And I don’t know if I can be around Remus. At least not right now…”

“I’m not with him all the time.” His voice almost sounded pleading.

“I just don’t know, Sirius.”

“Okay.” He said quietly.

“And don’t tell him, okay?”

“Who?”

“Remus. I think it will really hurt him if he knew, and I don’t want to hurt him… at least I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I have.”

He kissed my hand gently, so suddenly I didn’t even realize what he was doing. Then he looked into my eyes, “I promise I won’t.”

---

A/N: I don't know, this chapter seemed a bit rushed to me, but I'm just too excited to get to the good parts! Which are coming up. And, honestly, I didn't want to write depressingly (haha, is that a word) anymore. I was going through a bunch of different emotions when I wrote this so sorry if it seems as those Addison has major mood swings. Hahaa, I wrote half of it at one time and then another half the next day.

Please review! I want some feedback here people!
Thanks, I love you my lovely readers!

Chapter 5: Holding Me
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I felt kind of stupid. Just staring at him, frozen to the spot, but I couldn't take my eyes away as much as my heart was aching right now. I knew if they saw me they would think I was the creepiest girl ever, and Remus would  probably just throw another tantrum or something along those lines, but he just looked so... sad.

He sat in the corner, his head resting against the window watching as the trees whizzed past. His expression sullen, his body slouched. I couldn't see his eyes, and part of me was glad because they would probably just hurt me more. I just wanted to rush in there and curl up in his arms, and say something to make everything okay, but I I knew I couldn't.

I shouldn't feel this bad. I really shouldn't. He had hurt me first after all. He was the one who had broken the tie between us that included the 'no cheating' clause. We were broken up, and I still didn't understand why I still felt so guilty. It might have to do with the fact that I had slept with his best friend.

Speaking of whom, was completely the opposite of Remus at the moment. Sirius and James were laughing hysterically at something that had been said. James even went so far as to slapping his knee.

I should leave. I shouldn't just be standing here staring through the door's window. They would notice me eventually --- .

Sirius' laughter suddenly stopped, and I tore my eyes away from Remus, the abrupt sound change startling me. My cheeks burned as I saw Sirius staring at me. He seemed to be searching my expression, and I tugged at my sleeve uncomfortably. Then he glanced at Remus, and back to me. James, Remus, and Peter (who was sitting awkwardly in the corner) hadn't noticed.

After a few seconds (which felt like hours), I finally tore my feet from the place were I stood, and walked hurriedly away. I hurried down the corridor until I got back to my compartment where Marlene was talking to two good friends of ours; Jakarta and Colleen.

I pushed my way through the door and sat beside Marlene with a sigh.

"What's up, girly?" Marlene said with a smile that faltered a bit upon seeing my face. I wasn't sure what emotion I was displaying. She wrapped an arm around me squeezing me.

"I saw Remus." I said quietly. Jakarta (or Jack) reached out and squeezed my knee sympathetically, I smiled at her. "No, I think I'll be okay. It's just a little hard."

"Of course it is. But it'll get better." Colleen said reassuringly. Marlene must have told them about the breakup.

I sighed pushing it out of my mind. "I hope you're right." Then there was an awkward silence.

"So, anyway!" Marlene said. "Who's looking forward to classes?" All of us groaned.

***

"I must say, I did miss the food!" Jack exclaimed as she quickly began shoveling food onto her plate as soon as it appeared.

Marlene, Colleen, and I laughed. "Doesn't your mum cook?"

"Are you kidding me?" She said spraying bits of food on the table as she talked through a mouthful of food. "She's a horrible cook!"

"I know how you feel." I chuckled. "My dad tries, but he does not succeed."

"Haaa. It stinks. I become so malnurished!" We all cracked up, because her cheeks looked like a chipmunk's.

Lily Evans suddenly appeared at my side. "Hey you guys." She said brushing her fiery hair out of her eyes, and taking a big breath.

"Where have you been, Lils'?" Marlene asked leaning around me to look at her.

"Head Girl stuff." She said. "Guess who is Head Boy?!"

"Who?" I asked through a mouthful of food. I really couldn't make fun of Jack for eating so much, because I ate just as much as she did.

"James freakin' Potter!" Her cheeks touched with pink and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or not. Her voice didn't have the same edge it usually did. No one else seemed to notice though.

"Oh my gosh!" Marlene.

"Are you serious?!" Jack.

"No way!" Colleen.

"I know! It's so horrible." Lily exclaimed scooping some food onto her plate. Her hair was about to dip into a sauce and I pulled it back for her just as James himself practically skipped over and squeezed himself between Lily and I.

"Ow, Potter!" Protested Lily and I, and then Marlene as I was squished against her.

"So, ladies." James said wrapping his arm around Lily (did anyone else notice how she hesitated before she pushed it away?). "There is the annual back to school party tonight. Are you all attending?"

"For sure!" Both Jakarta, and Marlene piped up. I thought for a second, Remus was going to be there... Would  it hurt? I decided it would hurt more staying back by myself then going. What were the odds of having to talk to him there anyway? All of the 5th, 6th, and 7th years were going to be there. For every house! That's so many people.

"Count me in." I said, with a smile. Marlene squeezed my hand with a smile.

"Lily-bear?" James said looking at her lovingly, and hopefully.

"Okay, a. don't call me that. And b. I guess I am if everyone else is." James started hopping up and down like a child.

"Yes!" He said so loudly that a few people turned around and gave him a weird look, but seeing who it was they simply smiled and turned back around.

"James!" Giggled a girl coming up behind him and leaning over to touch his shoulder so her boobs looked bigger.

"Hey, Ginger." Now I know that the others had to see the flash of anger in Lily's eyes, but they kept going about their business, so I guess they hadn't...

"I'll see you at the party, right?" She was so stupid. It was his party, why wouldn't he be there?

"Of course." He said turning to look at her, smilng.

"Save me a dance." She said with a wink before walking away, strutting was more like it.

James turned back to Lily, and smiled at her. "See you there, love." Then he leaned down and quickly pecked her on  the cheek, hurrying off before she could slap him. Her cheeks turned pink and she didn't even comment on what happened. This is when the others finally noticed something.

***

We were seriously late to the party, but we all just decided that we were going to say we wanted to be 'fashionably late' and not admit  to the fact that we couldn't figure out what to wear. After about to hours though, we'd gotten it down:

Lily was wearing a pretty green V-neck shirt with a white tank top underneath, jeans and green flipflops (always the conservative). However simple, her outfit sounds, she looked absolutely stunning.

Marlene was in light blue shorts (they were just that - SHORT) a black tank top and sparkly light blue flats. Of course, her normally good looking legs looked amazing. Her golden hair was up in some style that looked simple but had taken her forever to do.

Jack was wearing shorts too, and a red V-neck (which looked nice with her brunette hair), only she didn't wear a tank top under it.

Colleen wore what she normally did (a pretty sundress), not bothering dressing up (to her, a sundress is casual), but she opted for wearing her contacts instead of her glasses.

I wore a black miniskirt with small pink flowers (mid-thigh), a pink tank, and black heels. The girls that I should  look sexy and make Remus regret ever breaking up with me. I really didn't want to do that, I felt bad enough already, but they told me looking sexy would make me feel better, so I ended up giving in.

We reached the Room of Requirement and could already hear the pulsing music before we even opened the door. After, we stood in awe looking at the amazingly decorated room.

There were different platforms. The first was the largest, and the dance floor where already tons of bodies were smooshed together. Then, along the walls, there were assorted platforms about two feet higher off the ground with couches and punch bowls (though I figured they weren't holding fruit punch).

The lighting was amazing. Colorful lights light the floors, and they moved around, disco balls placed around on the extremely high ceilings.

"Wow." Breathed Marlene next to me.

"Wow, indeed." Jack said in agreement.

"James really outdid himself." I said in awe.

"That he did." Lily added in.

"Jack!" Collin Ambers exclaimed spotting us. Jack beamed.

"Hey, Collin!" She said, and reached out her hand which he immediately took and pulled her away. She waved over her shoulder. Colleen and Lily, smiled at us and headed for the couches, as they left I saw James following after them. I laughed.

"Drinks?" Marlene said turning to me.

"Sure." I said smiling, and she pulled me off towards the punch bowl. I took one sip and I knew I was right about this not being fruit punch. I coughed a little as it went down. "Okay, I'm done."

Marlene laughed. "Never were a big drinker."

"Let's dance!" I exclaimed as one of my favorite songs came on. I grabbed Marlene's hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. I loved to dance! I loved listening to songs and keeping time with their rhythms...

Eventually I felt Marlene be pulled away, and when I glanced over my shoulder I smiled seeing her dancing wildly with some boy. I laughed, and kept on dancing not caring that I was alone.

I felt hands land on my waist, and someone come up behind me. I smiled. Sure mister whoever-you-are, I'd love to dance.

I pushed myself against him swaying my body with his, not knowing or caring who he was. I was surprised at how great he was of a dancer, really surprised. Most guys at Hogwarts couldn't even keep a beat. When I started recieving glares of jealousy from multiple girls after the third song, I turned curiously around and was planning on dancing front-to-front, but I stopped dead  when I saw my dancing partner.

"Sirius!" I yelled. "What the hell?!" He looked confused.

"What?"

"Why are you dancing with me?" I accused.

"We've danced before..." He said slowly, having to raise his  voice a little over the music.

"That was before - " I stopped myself.

"So, we can't dance now because we've had sex?" My eyes widened.

"Shhh!" I shushed angrily. I glanced around but no one had seemed to notice, they were too busy humping their dancing partners.

"Please, Addison. Just a dance?" He widened his eyes adorably, and gave me the cutest puppy-dog look I'd ever seen. How could I say 'no' to that?

"Fine. Only ONE!" He smiled widely, and I noticed for the first time the dimple in his left cheek.

He moved towards me and placed his hands on my hips and pulled me against him in one quick, smooth motion. My arms instinctively went around his neck and we were dancing again. I couldn't get lost in the rhytm as easily this time, I was looking around. I didn't want him to see... Could he tell that something had happened between me and Sirius if he did? But it was true, Sirius and I had danced before (I actually couldn't believe I hadn't knew right off the bat that it was Sirius whom I was dancing with, he was the best dancer in the school).

"Don't worry." Sirius said whispering in my ear. I felt his hot breath on my cheek. "He's not here. He didn't come, he didn't feel good. You know, full moon tomorrow..." Suddenly I felt relief, and I smiled up at him - his face was only inches away.

"Thank you."

"I just can't have you distracted during the one dance I get to have with you." And he pulled me closer wrapping one of his arms around my waist, holding me. "By the way." He added after a while, "You look incredible tonight."

I was pretty sure we danced for more than just one song...

***
A/N: So, what did you think? This was again more of a background chapter on her friends and stuff, but a little bit of Sirius coming in! Chapters pick up from here.

Reviews are loved quite a lot!

Chapter 6: Thanks for the Dances
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I don't remember how long I was dancing with him, I just remember that I enjoyed it. It was weird. I always thought it was a rule that every girl he danced with Sirius made a move on... but he was a perfect gentlemen. Well... sort of... he wasn't really a conservative dancer, but who was at seventeen?

Suddenly, I noticed that the crowd was gone, and that there were people leaving, and others passed out on the couches. Then the music changed, and it was the infamous last dance slow song. I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I had only danced this dance with Remus, and it felt weird to do it with Sirius when we were just friends, if we were even that.

I started to pull away, but he just smiled at me and pulled me back. "Don't worry, Marcotte. I'm not going to kiss you." I laughed a little, as he reached for my left hand and put the other on my waist quite gentlemen-like.

"Are we going to do the waltz?" I asked smiling at how far apart we were.

"If you would like." Then out of no where he actually began to waltz. Of course, resulting in me stepping on his feet because I had no idea what I was doing.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He asked laughing and feigning intense pain in his foot.

"Sorry," I said, slightly embarrassed.

"It wasn't a waltzing song anyway..." He said, then he gave me the genuine smile again reavealing his dimple, and I couldn't help but smile back. "It's nice to see you smile again."

I sighed, remembering why exactly I hadn't been smiling too much lately.

"Sorry I brought it up." He said quietly, sensing my mood shift.

"It's okay." I said looking away. "Does he hate me?"

"Who?"

"Remus." Who else?

I felt him shrug. "No, I think he's just hurt."

"I feel so horrible."

"Don't," he said gently. "Okay? He hurt himself." I couldn't answer. I knew that wasn't true though, I had hurt him. "Come on, cheer up." He said, pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around my waist, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, and remembered last year, when it was Remus who was holding me...

When I opened my eyes, I screamed.

"What the hell?" Sirius said alarmed lifting his head from where it had been resting on me, and pulling back to look at me with a confused look. I covered my mouth in astonishment, and pointed across the empty dance floor to the dark corner. There in the shadows were James and Lily... snogging. "Whoa." Sirius said, equally astonished."

"Oh merlin." I whispered, thinking that I was imagining things. "Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. When did this happen?"

"Well when two people want to show affection..." Sirius started mocking a teacher's voice. I hit him in the stomach.

"Not what I meant." He laughed.

"Oh come, it had to happen some time. I mean he has been obsessed with her for years now."

"But... wow, I just wasn't ready for it." I smiled, "Good for them though. Now that I'm over the shock, they look like a cute couple." Then I noticed something. "How long has there been no music playing?"

"I don't know, like five minutes?"

"Wow, I didn't notice." I said thoughtfully.

"Me either." Sirius said almost too quiet for me to hear.

"Time?" I said as I walked over to the couch where I saw Jack passed out.

"3am." Sirius said, following me.

"That late? Or... early? Whatever." I reached Jack and pulled her off the couch trying to pull her over my shoulder, but I nearly collasped under her weight.

"Here." Sirius said, reaching for her. I nestled her in his arms, as she murmured something.

"Thanks. I should get going."

"I'll come with you. I mean, how else are you going to get Jack to the dormitory?"

"Right. Let's go then." I snatched Jakarta's purse off the couch and fell in step beside Sirius as we left the Room of Requirement. "Hope we don't get caught." I said quietly.

"Don't worry, we won't. Reach into my back pocket, will you?"

"Err..."

"Really, Addison? I've been inside you, touching my butt is not a big deal." My face became red, and I snatched the piece of parchment out of his pocket and smacked him across the face with it. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Stop talking about it!" I said angrily. "And stop being so blunt." I thrust the paper at him, and with a bit of juggling of Jack he managed to hold it in his hand and tap it with his wand. Ink started to spill across the page, and it soon became a map of the school.

"Ah, so you have the map tonight?" I said taking it from him.

"How did you know - Right, Remus... I guess you know all our secrets." I nodded and searched the map for Filch's name.

"We're in the clear, he's on the other side of the castle." I said folding it and stuffing it back into his pocket.

"Cool." We walked in silence for a while, and I was surprised that it wasn't uncomfortable, but after a while, I decided to break it.

"So, how concerned should I be?"

"About what?" Sirius said looking at me confused.

"About how many fan girls are going to attack me tomorrow, because I was dancing with you?" He chuckled.

"Ahh, maybe a little bit concerned. They're pretty hardcore."

"Polyjuice Potion." I said to the Fat Lady, she scowled, said something about us waking her, and then swung open. "Well, if I'm in the hospital wing, you'll know why."

"Haa," he said smiling, and then we awkwardly stood at the top of the stairs. "Right, here you go." He said holding Jack out to me. I positioned her so she was standing, and I was supporting all of her weight.

"Umm, thanks for the dance. Well dances." I said looking down at my feet.

"No problem. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah." Then I turned and headed up the remaining stairs and as I pushed through the door to my dormitory, I looked back, and saw he was gone.

As I lay in bed, it all came crushing back to me, Remus, the breakup, how he hadn't even tried to talk to me since... and I felt sad. It took me a while to get to sleep that night, but eventually I drifted off.

***

I woke up with a slight headache, but nothing too bad. I heard Jack moaning on my one side, and Marlene on the other.

"Make the tapping stop!!!" Marlene cried. "It's so loud!" I listened carfully, and heard the small tapping sound that she was referring too. I pushed myself up and headed towards the window.

A scrawny owl was sitting there in the rain. I pushed it open and it hopped it spraying water on me as it shook out it's wings.

I took the not-so-small package from it's foot and it flew back out into the rain almost immediately. I walked back over to my bed and unwrapped. There were about fifteen vials of a dark green liquid, and I pulled out the note.

Hey Little Sis,
I rememberd that there was the big back to school bash yesterday, and I thought I would send you over some of my famous hangover-be-gone potions for you and your friends. Enjoy =) .
--- Carina


I loved my sister! This would rid the world of two grouchy people. I set one vial on Marlene's bedside table, and one on Jack's. Lily was already gone, and I knew Colleen to well to know she would never drink.

I took on sip of one, just to clear my head a little, and then headed into the bathroom. I jumped in the shower, and washed myself, before changing into a t-shirt and sweat pants. It was a saturday after all.

I left my hair wet and wavey and headed out of the dormitory and down the stairs.

"Do you and Sirius go out?" Three 5th year girls swooped in out of no where and surrounded me.

"Err..." I stammered unable to comprehend what they were even saying they had come at me so fast. Seriously? Had they been waiting for me?

"Don't youo go out with Remus Lupin?" A girl with way too much eyeliner piped up.

"I,uh. I don't think it's any of your business."

"It's definitely my business." The third girl said, she looked like the leader of these fan boppers.

"How do you figure?" I said recovering.

"Because we're going to be going out soon." I couldn't help but burst out laughing at how serious she said it.

"Sure -- you -- are." I said between gasps.

"Don't worry about her, Angie. She's obviously mental. Your Siri wouldn't go for a girl like that." One girl said turning to the leader. I started laughihng even harder, and I wasn't exactly sure why, it was just really funny. I held the banister for support. The girls walked away rolling their eyes at me.

"Are you okay?" James asked from behind me descending the stairs.

I finally caught my breath and calmed myself. "Woo, yeah." James gave me a weird look and walked on by me, and then I noticed Sirius following behind him.

"Angie talked to you didn't she?" He asked stopping, and smiling.

"Are you psychic?" I asked looking at him.

"Yes, and I was watching from the stairs." He said.

"Oh, that would explain it." I said nodding. "She's obsessed with you. I think she's waiting on a marriage proposal."

"Ha, yeah. You snog a girl once..."

"You snogged her?" I asked. I couldn't see it, and I wasn't sure why.

"Yeah, the end of last year. I was drunk... it didn't mean anything." He added quickly.

"No need to explain."

"Right." Silence.

"Addy?" My heart seized as I heard a familiar voice. I looked up at Sirius and he had an odd scowl on his face. "Can I talk to you?" Remus said from the stairwell.

***

A/N: There ya' go. Dun dun dunnn, cliff hanger anyone? =) don't hurt me. Please REVIEW! Because I love hearing from you <33

Oh, and it's really late here, so I didn't feel like reading over it... sorry if there's any mistakes... I'll read it tomorrow, right now I feel like I'm about to pass out, but I wanted to get this done and out there...

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