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Chemistry by EllaMennowPea

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,188

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature

Genres: Humor, Romance, AU
Characters: Lily, James
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 11/14/2008
Last Chapter: 05/24/2009
Last Updated: 05/24/2009


There's more to chemistry than just equations and conjectures--it's a study of magnetism.

Gorgeous Banner by Pinnie the Wooh @ TDA

Chapter 1: Boyle's Law
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James smiled and kissed me on the cheek before turning and following Sirius to their lab table. I pushed up my upper lip to show how disappointed I was that we couldn’t sit together. Slughorn had decided that he was distracting me from my studies and should “be with someone of similar ability”. This is basically a cop out in order to separate us based on his blatant disdain for James.

James sat down next to Sirius and immediately turned around and blew a kiss in my direction. I smiled brightly and then felt my heart beat a tiny bit faster. He winked and my thoughts turned to last night. We’d gone the farthest we’d ever gone before, and I’ve never felt more happy. I was a bit uncomfortable, but my emotions were in check.

Slughorn began to preach about the basic principles of Boyle’s Law, “Gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed.”

He continued to blab on and on about the chemistry aspect of Potions. We’d been going over this nonstop for the past month, and finally we were so close to being finished with it! But the sight of a lighter horizon didn’t suddenly make the present seem any less bleak.

“So, class, you will see, of course, that exothermic means to give off heat, while endothermic means to absorb heat.” There were a few of those vaguely interested ‘ah’s and a few people nodded, their heads resting on their hands. I tried my best to stay awake, but my concentration level, mixed with my lack of sleep thanks to James last night was not a very good combination. Ha! Combination…we’re talking about chemistry…haha…

Wow, I must be really tired.

I heard a light snore to my left and turned quickly to see who it was. Of course, it was James, his head placed on his hand, his mouth agape and his glasses crooked. He looked adorable, even in sleep. I wanted to rush over and kiss him, but instead I turned around and tried to keep my attention on the subject rather than my handsome boyfriend.

“Mr. Potter!” I heard Slughorn shout. I groaned, expecting yet another episode of James Vs. Slughorn.

James snapped to attention, as awake as I’ve ever saw him. “Yes, professor?”

“Mr. Potter, since you are obviously so enthralled with this lesson on endothermic and exothermic, then will you kindly present your views to the class?” Slughorn said, his tone conveying that he was trying to do James a favor. Sadly, it was the complete opposite. I’d spent two whole night of pure studying with James, and he was still unsure of the difference between the two.

“Professor, I would be delighted, but what views?” He asked. Leave it to James to come off as completely innocent and a great student…

“Is Hell exo or endothermic?” Slughorn smirked wickedly and sat down in his chair, inciting a rumble of sorts to emerge from it. He waited patiently as James sat still, staring at the table, organizing his thoughts. After a few moments of everyone simply gazing at him, waiting for his stumble of a reply, he began.

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.”

James stood, his gaze never leaving Slughorn’s. I was incredibly impressed. He started to weave between lab stations, every so often picking up a pen or dropping on to use as a prop and demonstrate emphasis.

”With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: One, If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, and then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. Two, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?”

I stared in awe. Slughorn was looking extremely affronted and I was dreading the end of this marvelous performance. James passed by me and put a hand on my cheek. I leant into his touch a tiny bit and smiled, hopefully with what appeared as encouragement.

”If we accept the postulate given to me by Lily during fifth year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.”

My cheeks were burning bright red and I tried to hide my face with my hair. Some students were nudging me with their elbows, and saying crude remarks, but James quickly hushed them when he continued to speak. I was counting seconds, literally, until this was over.

“The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Lily kept shouting 'Oh my God.’”

Once more I felt the need to hide under a rock, but James walked very calmly over and knelt down. For a moment I was too preoccupied with the fact that he’d just announced something very private to the entire class, but then I noticed how close he was and how handsome he looked.

Slughorn had to literally separate us this time, and by the time we’d finished snogging, my lips felt swollen. Half the class was cheering and we were both flushed as Hell, which I guess isn’t technically flushed, since according to James, it’s frozen over… 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it! The explanation that James gives was not written by me, and I claim no ownership. It was sent to me in a Myspace bulletin, and immediately I set out to write this. I do not know who is the original author, but no copyright infringement is intended. Thank you, and please review!