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Love With Loss by jane pinkerton

Format: Short story
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 9,028

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Genres: Drama, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew
Pairings: James/Lily, Snape/Lily

First Published: 10/21/2008
Last Chapter: 04/04/2010
Last Updated: 04/04/2010


James and Lily are finally together, but what does that mean for Severus?
Will Lily be able to maintain a friendship while she has everything with James that Severus wants with her?
Inspired by the song Breathe by Anna Nalick

Chapter 1: Confessions by the Lake
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Love With Loss
Confessions by the Lake


The grass was growing green at the beginning of another summer at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Lily Evans, on the other hand, enjoyed the night's stars even more than the itchy blades. She laid on her back staring up into the navy sky, waiting for it to lighten with signs of the morning.

A light breeze made its way from the Forbidden Forest making the grass tickle her face, and she sat up with a faint smile looking up towards her home in the castle. There her smile froze. Coming towards her was the boy she had hated as her worst enemy, who ironically understood her almost more than anyone else. She called herself stupid every time she thought about her and James's relationship. She hated him, but couldn't get enough of him at the same time. Somehow, he even understood that, but it was killing her best friend Severus.

'Oh, Sevy...' her mind was too full to think about him.

James was soon beside her, looking down at her form. She nodded telling him to sit.

They sat there silently for a few minutes until she finally blurted out, "I need help."

"Why do you think I came out here?" he smirked. Lily turned and gave him a serious look. "I'm just saying, why else would you send Black Jack to me unless it was something important?"

Lily remembered the confusion on her owl, Black Jack's, face when she said to take the note to James Potter. She had to smile a little at the thought.

"So what's wrong?" he asked leaning over a little to bump her side.

She looked over at James and stared into his eyes for almost a moment too long before catching herself.

"I did something that I shouldn't have done..."

"Oh my God...did Lily Evans cheat on the History of Magic test?!"

Lily's eyes widened with insult. "I would never!"

James began laughing at her reaction. "I'm only teasing. Now come out with it, what've you done?"

Lily took a deep breath before being able to speak. "The other night...Severus kissed me."


"Will you shut up?! You're going to get us caught!"

James stood up and began pacing. The love of his life, Lily Evans, kissed his enemy. The boy who had called her and many others mudblood. The git that would soon be a death eater in Voldemort's army.

"I didn't know what to do! So I just stood there!" She watched James practically running back and forth in the same spot trying to get himself to calm down.

"So it was sexual harrassment?" He asked nodding his own head for hers. "Then we can go tell Dumbledore and he'll be out of here before you can say 'broomstick'"

"What? No! It wasn't sexual harrassment! It was as innocent as all of those times you tried to kiss me." James scowled and shook his head. "James please, I asked you before anyone else because I knew you could help me through this. I don't know what to do..."

James looked down just in time to see a small tear rolling down her face before she hastily brushed it away. He'd never seen her cry before...

"Why is he so important to you anyways? That bastard is going to be making life a living hell with Voldemort once we get out of here."

"He's been my best friend since I was seven...I can't give up hope on him...I know he's a good person..."

"Lily..." James took a deep breath and rubbed his brow. "There are people in this world that just aren't good. Like Lucius Malfoy. And we both know that Snivellus is right there in his circle of friends. Who do you expect he'll choose to be with when school is done? His group of friends that are all trying to take over the world, or....or a girl who's everything he's been told to avoid his entire life?"

Lily let another few tears escape, "He'll choose his friends. You know why, Potter?"

James sighed at the use of his last name. "I don't know Evans, why?"

"Because of you. When he stepped away from me I told him there was someone else and he knew it was you."

James's eyes snapped to Lily's pink face. "What? How?"

"He must have saw us that day in the corridor when we were patrolling."

James thought back to that glorious Monday night. He and Lily had been flirting back and forth the past couple of weeks and James figured now was better than any other time to finally convince Lily to be with him.

While they were walking down the pitch black hallway, James took hold of Lily's hand and stopped.

"James!" she laughed. "What're you doing?" A giant smile was plastered on her face from the touch of his hand.

He gave a small grin and lifted her small, soft hand to his daring lips. Lily's smile shrunk to a gentle curve of the lips, and waited for him to look up at her.

When he did, he could see in her eyes some passion that was headed his way. He pulled on her hand to bring her closer to his lean, muscular body and was relieved when she didn't pull away, or even worse, yell what a bloody pig he was.

Slowly, their heads came closer and they kissed with small touches. Lily released her hand from his hold and brought both of her arms up around his high, hard shoulders, letting her fingers roam through his wild hair.

James let out a small groan with victory that his fantasy was finally coming true. Her lips were just so soft, hands so powerful, and her gentle nature was slowly disappearing as she pulled harder on his hair. He gave his hands permission to feel her waist and almost went crazy at how good her curves felt.

Without meaning to be so rough, James pushed Lily up against the wall and forced his tongue inside of her mouth. She kissed him back with as much passion letting their tongues wrestle in a never ending match.

After a satisfying time of passion, James pulled back his head and rested his forehead on Lily's to take a breath. He then realized how close his hands were to Lily's breasts and just the thought of being able to touch them...he had to close his eyes and force his hands to move back down to her hips.

"Oh my God..." Lily breathed.

"I know." James laughed.

"We uh...we've got to finish our patrol." she said nervously tucking a strand of her beautiful auburn hair behind her ear.


And even though James could tell their passionate kiss had shaken her, he knew by her sighs, and holding of his hand that Lily wouldn't run away, and for once they would be together.

"How did he see us?" James asked snapping back from his blissful reminiscent.

"I don't know...he just looked in my eyes and said 'Potter...'" Lily shrugged.

" do you feel about all of this then?"

"I don't know James...maybe...maybe we should hold things off between us for the summer." James's eyes widened

"What?!" he croaked.

"I think Severus and I need some time to spend together"


"Not like that!" Lily quickly corrected herself shaking her hands in front of James.

"How do you think he's going to take it Lily?! You leaving me to spend more time with him, and him only?!"

"I'll explain it to him so that he knows it's as friends only." She looked up at James and could tell he still didn't like the idea. "Why don't you trust me?"

James let out a frustrated sigh and roughly cupped Lily's face in his hands for a kiss. It didn't take long for their tongues to meet in the middle or for their hands to begin roaming over each other's bodies. He gently pushed her down to the ground and placed himself on top of her small body. His callused hands slid under her shirt outlining the top of her jeans, and tickled up the side of her waist, all the way to the wire of her bra.

She clawed at James's back showing her obvious liking for the shivers he was leaving on her body when-

"Okay! All done!" James exclaimed bouncing on to his feet.

"What?" Lily said still slightly dazed from their kiss.

"That'll keep you wanting more until summer is done."

"But that's 3 months away!"

"Well maybe you should've thought of that before you decided on this whole 'Save the Bastard' routine."

Lily sent him a small glare when all James could do was smirk with accomplishment.

Lily stood up with him and poked him in the chest, "You are being so arrogant right now."

James winked and started walking towards the castle. With a sigh, she caught up with him, holding his hand before they would make the long journey home, both only thinking what would happen that summer.

A/! That's, that! They get a little intense in the first chapter, but I think we all love that stuff between James and Lily. haha! reviews are always welcome :)

Chapter 2: A Fresh Summer
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Love With Loss
A Fresh Summer


The Hogwarts Express pulled away from the Hogsmead station with a very torn Lily. James held her hand tightly from the moment she came down from the girls dormitory and refused to let go. When she saw Severus waking alone down the hallway looking for a compartment to sit in she attempted to break away to go with him, but James shook his head and pulled her closer to himself.

"James," Lily whined.

"What?" He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her. "He gets you for three months. Can't I have three hours?" When Lily still looked conflicted he reached over and began nibbling on her ear. "I'm going to miss you," he whispered.

Lily smiled and turned her head towards him. "I'm going to miss you too."

They looked into each other's eyes smiling. Lily's eyes sparkled like an emerald while James's winked with happiness.

"Oh come on! You've gone the past six years without her! Three months isn't going to kill you," Sirius piped up.

He and the other Marauders sat in the compartment watching the sickening scene before them. Never in their lives did they expect to see James with Lily! Let alone see the both of them so love struck by each other!

"Lily I am very disappointed," Remus said, "I expected you to break James of this romantic, gushy stuff, but you're promoting it!"

"I'm sorry?" Lily tried.

Everyone except Peter laughed at her obvious lie. Peter was always so sure that he would never get Lily. It was the only thing that proved to him that his life wasn't perfect! But here they were, cuddling away and as happy two love birds.

"Can we play a game now?" he complained. "I didn't buy a new set of Wizard's Chest for nothing."

"Alright then, Petey," Sirius laughed, "Lets see what you've got!"

And so the games began letting James and Lily talk about what they expected they would do during the holiday. Lily was careful not to use Severus's name more than she had to. Not only did Sirius insist on throwing in a comment every time it was said, but it always made James's jaw tighten.

An announcement rang through the train saying they were only a half hour away from King's Cross. At this James tugged Lily outside into the hallway saying he wanted just a moment alone.

"Will you promise me something?"

"James, you're overreacting to this," Lily whispered.

"Just listen," James stopped her, "If any of those guys come, Malfoy, Lestrange, even Sirius's little brother, get away. Just stop hanging out with Snape."

"He wouldn't let them do anything to me," Lily snapped, "And even if they did come around I'm smart enough to know not to hang out with them." Lily crossed her arms and glared up at James. "Do you think I'm that daft?"

"No! Of course not!" James said quickly. He let out a sigh and dropped his head letting it rest against Lily's. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried." Lily still didn't let down her guard. "I don't want to leave with us fighting."

"Well then maybe you should think more before you say something so demeaning to my intelligence," Lily snapped.

"Lily," James said softly. He lifted his head and moved in front of her wrapping his arms around her waist. "Lils," he started to whine.

Lily's arms dropped and she looked up to James.

"I'm sorry," James said. He reached down and kissed her right cheek. "Very sorry." He kissed her left cheek. "Forgive me!" he said loudly. Lily laughed putting a finger to her lips. He buried his face into her neck making his stubble tickle.

"James!" Lily laughed.

"Please, please! Give me another chance!" he yelled.

Other students began poking their heads out of their compartments to see what was going on. Lily was trying her hardest to push James away, but his body was like a rock. A rock that liked to tickle that is.

"Stop it!" Lily's voice rang with laughter.

Severus poked his head out of his own compartment to see what the commotion was all about. Girls giggled enviously while boys nodded in approval. He walked further down the hall to get a view and stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of red hair mixing in with raven black.

James had her up against the wall as he tickled her mercilessly. In an attempt to get him to stop Lily enticed him into a kiss. His hands that had been working to hard to keep tickling her turned soft and carefully stroked up and down her sides now.

Cat whistles filled the air making the pair split apart. Lily blushed not realizing they had a crowd, but James took it all in stride. He flashed a smile to the students before being pulled back into the compartment with the Marauders.

Severus scowled at the sight not believing Lily would really subject herself to such a public display. It was ridiculous that she was even with him. In fact, the sooner he got her away from him, the better.

The rest of the students slowly went back into their own compartments, but Severus stormed down the hallway. He could hear Lily screaming with laughter again and James's voice joking around with her. He stopped outside of the compartment and forced himself to take a calming breath before opening the door.

Sirius, Remus and Peter who had still been playing games of chess looked up with surprise. The three of them scowled with obvious dislike. Sirius and Remus had their hands on their wands ready for any signal of threat.

However, James and Lily were oblivious to the newcomer since they had resumed the tickling war.

"Lily," Severus said loud enough to hear over her screams.

The couple froze and finally looked to the door to see Severus standing there uncomfortably.

"Sev!" She pushed James off of her and straightened herself into a sitting position. "What're you doing here?" she asked.

"Good question," James muttered. He glared up at Severus not liking that he was interrupting his last few minutes with Lily.

"I thought I should find you now instead of on the platform so we can find your mum right away."

"Oh yes. That's a good point," Lily nodded, "James, can you grab my suit case down?"

"We still have ten more minutes though," James complained, "Can't you just agree on a place to meet when we get off?"

"Their timing is alway seven minutes early. We really only have three minutes left before we pull in," Severus said.

James looked at Lily in disbelief, but she nodded in agreement. "We tested it. The conductor is always seven minutes ahead of time."

"Interesting," Remus mumbled.

"Yeah it really is! We weren't sure at first, but we timed all of our trips from first year Christmas holiday to fourth year summer vacation," Lily said.

James sighed, but stood up nonetheless to grab Lily's suitcase from the racks.

"You are so much more nerdy than I had primarily thought, Evans," Sirius commented.

Lily laughed and gave a playful wink. "I can't help it!"

James put the bag on the ground and pulled her into a hug. Over her head he glared at Severus, but tried to be positive and kissed Lily on the top of her head. Lily pulled out of the hug and lightly kissed him on the lips.

"It'll be over before you know it," she promised.

She waved to the rest of the Marauders and picked up her suitcase by the handle. The train started to slow making her grab Severus's wrist to look at his watch.

"Right on time," she smiled. And with that she shut the compartment door following Severus to the nearest exit. "How was the train ride for you?" She had to yell because of the other students now rushing into the hallway.

He shrugged and then turned back to say, "Looked like you had fun on yours."

Lily's shoulders slumped at the comment. She knew how much he hated the two of them together. It especially made her guilt ridden since she practically rejected him for his worst enemy.

They stepped off the train and walked through the crowds of magical parents and through the barrier to where Lily's mum, Margaret, would be waiting for the two of them. At first they didn't spot her, but when Lily stood on her tip toes she spotted her small mum waiting patiently by a bench. SHe rushed forward in front of Severus and jumped at her mum for a hug.

"So how was your year you two!" Margaret asked.

Severus gave her a hug before trying to answer, "It was..." he faltered.

"Interesting to say the very least." Lily finished for him.

They walked through the station and into the parking lot, Severus and Lily slightly behind her. Neither of them said anything to start a conversation, but they still stayed together. Even getting into the car, Lily opted to sit in the back with her friend.

Lily could see the suspicion in her mum's eyes wondering why they were being so uncharacteristically quiet, so she brought up a conversation she knew Severus wouldn't be able to resist.

"Did you see the look on Eileen Lee's face when all of the owls began chasing her two weeks ago?" Severus stayed still in his seat, but nodded his head starting to laugh. "Well, let me just say how good it was that her knowledge of all of the broomstick cupboards in the castle finally came in use." Lily said with a wink.

"Lily!" Margaret gasped.

"Sorry, mum, but it is true. You should just see the girl!"


"It's true, Mrs. Evans...maybe that's why she's in Hufflepuff." he said in an undertone that made Lily snicker.

"And what would her place in Hufflepuff have to do with that?"

"Well...they're just so... friendly."

Lily burst out laughing throwing her beautiful head of red hair back.

Mrs. Evans simply gasped again and shook her head.

Severus could only watch Lily while he could before she stopped laughing that beautiful sound. Her eyes were glistening with a smile and her hair looked like it flowed to its own accord. It curved around her soft face and landed on her round shoulders like-


Severus jumped out of his thoughts to see Lily staring right back at him. He felt so out of control of his mind.

'SAY SOMETHING!' he yelled at himself.

"Did you see that?" he asked calmly, contrary to his thoughts.

"What?" Lily asked turning to look out the window.

"I thought those mountains looked like the ones from out History of Magic book where the giants live."

"Really now Sev, you should know better than that. Those mountains are in Netherlands!" Severus silently thanked Lily's constant will to know answers.

"Oh." he quietly said. Lily took another look at Severus and was about to ask him something else when Mrs. Evans seemed to have realized what shocking information they had just revealed.

"Giants? In Netherlands!?"

Lily laughed, "Yes, mum. And no you cannot go to see them."

Margaret smiled with a shrug, "It was worth a thought."

They pulled onto their street and Margaret dropped off the sad looking Severus at his home. He looked up at it and sighed. Merlin only knew how much he hated this place...

"Hey Sev!" Lily popped herself out of the car window, "When you're all done with unpacking come over for some dinner, yeah?"

"Eh..." he hesitated.

"Petunia's not home." she whispered so her mum wouldn't hear.

"Alright then," he laughed.

"Brilliant! See you then!"

He watched them drive away and relunctantly went up to the door of his house. Even with just his hand on door knob he could hear his dad yelling.


The Potter Mansion

"Mum! Dad! We're home!" James exclaimed at the entrance of his home.

Sirius looked around and smiled happily. His eyes lit up when he saw the big red squishy couch in front of the fireplace. Without a second thought, he tackled James onto it screaming "GERONAMOOOO!"

The boys laughed wrestling each other onto the floor. The power struggle went back and forth, but eventually Sirius had James in a head lock.

"You damn dog! Get off!" James laughed.

"Admit it!"

"Admit what?!"

"Beaters are better than Chasers."

"What?! No way!"

James struggled more trying to get out of the position when his savior entered the room.

"Why 'ello boys! Already creating chaos in my house?" Her chocolate brown eyes were filled with amusement as she watched them still playing like they were 8 years old.

"Mrs. P!" Sirius yelled automatically jumping off of James. He engulfed her in a hug, lifting her off the ground easily with his 6'3'' stance.

She laughed and patted him on the back before turning to her son. "Great to see you, mum." James said with a smile.

"You too, Jamie." He gave her a hug just a big as Sirius', however minus the bone crushing experience.

"You boys ready for your last summer of childhood?"

Sirius' face fell.

"Come on now, mum! You can't put it like that! Just look at the state it puts Sirius in!"

"You'll both need to accept the truth before it gets too late!"

"Yeah, but Mrs. P, we're the Marauders. The way we live doesn't have room for things like 'growing up,'" Sirius explained.

She just shook her light brown hair, and walked away. Half way down the hall she turned and yelled, "Dinner is at 6!"

"Ok-aaggh!" Sirius yelled being pounced on by James. Within seconds he was now the one in head lock. "If you want me to say what I think you want me to say, I'm not going to say it."

"Say it!" James threatened tightening his hold.

"Agh! Fine! James Potter" he gulped, "sexier than me! Now get off!" James fell to the side laughing hysterically. "Don't get too excited, mate. I'm so sexy that women don't ditch me for blokes like Snivellus."

James stopped laughing and glared murderously at Sirius. Sirius was snickering at the look, but immediately ran for the door. "it doesn't matter where you hide, Black! I'll find you!"
Author's Note: Edited 02/10...and much better and longer than the first time! haha!

Diclaimer: Nope. Don't own none, zilch, zero of it.

Chapter 3: Waves of Anger
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Love With Loss
Waves of Anger


A month into the holidays and Lily really felt like she was making progress with Severus. She had gotten him to cut his hair (even after the hair stylist made a snide remark about its greasy contents), swing in the park like they used to, and go to the muggle movies!

They were walking out of seeing 'Dirty Dancing' when Lily and Severus came out of the theater with their arms linked.

"See!" Lily laughed, "That was a great movie!"

Severus threw his head back into a laugh and said "Only because you got to stare at that bloke the whole time!" Lily closed her eyes and sighed contently at the memory. Shaking his head, Severus pushed her from his side saying, "I think I deserve a treat actually! I didn't complain once while we were in there."

"Fine!" Lily laughed, "Lets go get some ice cream!"

"Diagon Alley?"

"Of course!"

They began walking down the road, which was luckily only a few blocks away from the Leaky Cauldron. Lily sometimes still couldn't believe that all those times she had walked by the abandoned record place, listening to her parents mumble how someone should "really fix that place up" that it was the passage way to her magical world.

When they walked in the bartender gave them a nod hello, and they went back to the brick wall, waiting for the bricks to move aside.

Walking to the ice cream parlor they passed by other students from Hogwarts who would warmly greet Lily, but suspiciously look at Severus. At school they hardly hung out because of their friends from the houses, and especially since the one time Severus had called her a mudblood in public.

It was hard, but Lily forgave him. However, even with her forgivenss the rest of the Gryfinndors shunned him more than ever.

They walked the rest of the way smelling the freshly made cones and seeing tubs and tubs of ice cream waiting to be scooped for them.

"What can I get for you?" a cashier asked them.

"Mint n' chip please!" Lily said quickly.


"Um..." Severus took a good thought to it.

"Come on Sev, you know exactly what you want."

"No...I want something different!"

Lily sighed knowing that he did this every time. Since the first time they got ice cream, he always got cookies and cream with extra whipped cream on top. Why he tried to change fate, she really didn't know!


"A line is starting, Sev." Lily said putting her hands on her hips.

"Just a second!" he tried to shoo her away from him.

"He'll have a cookies and cream with extra whipped cream."

"Alrighty then!" The cashier quickly charged them.

"Lily!" Severus complained.

"What? You know you want it."

The cashier quickly got their cones together and handed them off so that he could help the rest of the line.

Severus looked down at his ice cream thinking, " does look delicious..." He leaned down to take a lick when Splat


Lily almost fell to the floor from laughing so hard. "You r-really should have seen that coming"

Severus looked sadly at his cone and knew that almost all of it was now shoved onto his face, or nose more specifically. He quickly grabbed Lily's wrist and began wiping the ice cream from his face onto hers.

She screamed with laughter trying to push him away from her, but his hold on her wrist was locked.

After a second he stopped feeling like enough ice cream had been transferred to her face. Grabbing some napkins he skillfully wiped Lily's face without getting too close to her eyes. He stopped when most of it was gone and looked into her captivating eyes.

Her eyes were so warming with such a solid stare but he pushed through her eyes into her mind needing to know what she thinking.

It was them in the court yard the night he kissed her.

"Lily, I've gotten you something."

"Oh, Sevy! You have once again gotten my birthday wrong. It's not until September!"

Severus gave a light laugh...he was horrible with dates. "No, I know it's in September...or was at least reminded right now." Lily gave a chuckle. "It's just something that made me think of you."

He pulled out a box from his robes and handed it to her. Inside was a beautiful charm bracelet. It had a single purple heart on it, and little diamond like gems around the chain.

"Oh wow!" she gasped. "Thank you..." she looked up at him. He found himself leaning towards her....leaning...leaning....until their lips touched. He noticed how tense her lips were, even with his so loose trying to coax hers into some motion. After trying for a few more seconds, he pulled back, looking into her eyes like he was doing so right now.

All he saw was Lily pushed up against the wall, James's hands moving up and down her body, her lips moving restlessly and passionately, so unlike when he tried.



"No!" he yelled at her. He quickly turned the other way and walked at a running pace back to his dorm.

The scene changed...

She and James were out by the lake.

"...what's wrong...?"

"...Severus kissed me..."

He saw Lily crying and James yelling, and then finally them making up on the grass.

"Severus, stop looking at me like that...It's kind of creepy." Lily suddenly said. He came out of his thoughts, letting go of Lily's wrists that he realized he'd still been grabbing onto. Lily rubbed them trying to get off the finger marks he left behind. "I hate it when you do that..." she whispered turning around.

"Am I some kind of charity case to you?" he snapped at her back.

"Ex-Excuse me?"

"That's why you're with me right now and not Potter, right? You thought I needed a friend?"

"No, I-"

"Because I have friends!"

"I know! I just wanted-"

"And you know what, Lily? I'm lucky they're friends with me even when I'm friends with you!"

Lily's face changed from flustered to fierce. "What's that supposed to mean? Even when you're friends with me?"

"You're a mudblood! That's why!" He yelled, his nostrils flaring. He noticed tears forming behind Lily's eyes, but she tried to blink them away.

"You're going to regret that you ever said that." She threw the rest of her ice cream at his feet and flipped her hair behind her leaving him in the middle of the alley with quite a few people glaring his way.

"Yeah?! Well why don't you just go tell your little boyfriend Potter! I'm sure he'll love to impress everyone by throwing a few more hexes at me just like every other year!" he yelled after her.

Then everyone stopped and stared at him. "What?!" he yelled in the direction of them. He clenched his fists and ran the opposite way of Lily.


When Lily got home she didn't bother to stop and tell her mother that she was back early, but was stopped when she heard Petunia's snide voice.

"Well, well, what's got a broomstick stuck up your ass?"

Lily tightened her fists together, trying not to do something stupid. "Right now is not a good time, Petunia."

"Awe...what's wrong little Lily? " she asked in a baby voice. "Did you finally realize you're the family shame?" Each word hit Lily right in the gut. "That mum and dad have to lie to everyone saying their little girl goes to a mental institute?" She began laughing evilly. "Why do you think none of your old friends come around here anymore?"

"They do not say that."

"Oh...that's right....I was the one who told everyone that. My mistake."

Lily's face was bright red, and suddenly it was her time to let it all out. She screamed like she never had before; loud, long, and from the pit of her stomach.

Feeling relieved, she opened her eyes to find Petunia's room in a mess. "That's strange" she commented.

Petunia sat frozen on her bed, her hair almost as much of a destruction as her room. "Y-Y-YOU WITCH! I MEAN BITCH! AHH I MEAN BOTH!"

Lily put her hand on her hip like she always did when she was annoyed. "What? I didn't do anything!'


Lily raised her eyebrow with a smirk, slightly impressed with herself. But realization dawned on her and her heart stopped. She had done magic. Even if it wasn't intentional she was sure the Ministry would see that magic had been done in a muggle home.

"Oh no..." she gasped.

"That's right! You should feel bad!"

"No, no, no!" She groaned. "I don't care about you! I'm going to get in trouble!"

"Good! You deserve to! I'm telling mum." And with that she stalked away, nose in the air.

Lily began breathing rapidly. "This is all happening too fast!! I need my best friend who I just found out hates me, I'm going to get kicked out of Hogwarts...." her mind buzzed.

She ran down to her room, quickly sitting down on her bed feeling dizzy. She laid there, waiting for a ministry official to come and take her wand. A loud screech outside made her look up and see an owl flying closer to her window.

It patiently hovered outside waiting for her to open the glass and let him in. When she did he dropped the letter just inside the room before turning around and leaving again.

Her hands shook as she picked it up from the ground and tore the envelope open. The letter was thick with dark threatening letters that read:

Dear Miss Evans,
It has come to our attention that you have used your magical powers in front of a muggle today, July 13, 1987, at 4:37 PM. This is a rule we at the Ministry take seriously, but will for now only discipline you with a warning. However, the next time we are informed of your use of magic while you are underage, or in front of a muggle your wand will be taken by a Ministry official and snapped.

Hope all is well,

Matilda Flouring

Head of Wizardry Secrecy

Lily sighed looking at her letter and then began sobbing. She had come so close to losing everything that she had ever cared about. She wouldn't have been able to live in the wizard world anymore, or even go to Hogwarts. James would find another girl...and even worse go around the school unchecked! Who would have made sure Remus came up with a good lie every month to tell everyone why he wasn't there? And who would be number one in academics? Because there was no way in hell she was going to let that snobby prat Stephanie Jenkins take it from her...

"Lily? Dear why are you crying? You have a guest." Lily looked up to see her mum standing in the doorway

"Tell whoever it is that I'll- I'll call them later."

"I think you would have to owl him actually.." her mother said thoughtfully.

"Who besides Severus knows where I live in the muggle world?" she thought.

"If it's Snape then you can tell him to shove it and never come back here again," she buried her head into her arms.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but Lily, this boy is definitely not Severus."

Lily's head popped up. "What? Well then who is it?"

"James Potter I think he said? He's quite handsome." She turned and went back downstairs to entertain the boy while Lily tuned herself up.

"Oh my gosh!" Lily exclaimed. She ran over to the mirror searching like a mad woman for her brush and began trying to flatten the baby hairs on top of her head. Then she saw her make up. All of that sobbing had caused her mascara to drip all the way down to her cheeks. "Oh Merlin..." she groaned. She pulled a few tissues out from the box on her dresser and scrubbed until her face started to turn pink.

"Lily!" she heard her mum call.

"I-I'll be right there!" She could faintly hear James's laugh. She took a final look at herself in her mirror and decided that she looked good enough and took a deep breath. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to see that she had been crying...

Slowly, and still a little shaky, she went down the steps finally coming into the view of her mum and gorgeous boyfriend. He had on muggle clothing, which Lily decided agreed with him even more than his quidditch robes. His smiled widened when he saw her, and she could feel her face light up.

"Hey!" she exclaimed showing her surprise.

"'ello." he grinned.

"Well, i'm going to go start up dinner." Margaret put out there. "Should I set a place for you, James?"

"I would be delighted, Mrs. Evans." he said looking away from Lily for only that second.

Margaret left the room leaving the two of them standing there. Lily laughed and then jumped on him giving him the biggest hug she could muster. She could smell his cologne and felt his soft hair tickle the side of her face.

"How are you, love?" he asked setting her back down

"Better now." Subconsciously she rubbed underneath her eyes incase any mascara was left there. "Want to go for a walk?"

James smiled squeezing her hand, "I would love to."

Lily led them down the road and onto a path that was covered by trees. It was a route she used to always walk when she needed to think and didn't have Severus to talk to. As they walked she would frequently close her eyes trying to stop them from stinging. All of the tears has caused her eyes to be completely dry. When she felt James's hand softly squeeze hers, her eyes flew open to see his face.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this quiet before...or at least in front of me, given our history." he laughed.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes again. "I'm sorry..."

They stopped walking and James put his finger under her chin making her look at him. "Open your eyes." She did and immediately felt her eyes turn from a dessert to a rain forest, and pushed his finger out from underneath her chin before a tear could escape. "Are you mad at me for coming?"


"I know you said we needed to take this break over the summer, but for Merlin's sake its been a month, woman! And you haven't even owled me and I started thinking and listening to Sirius and I had to come and make sure you hadn't forgotten about me, or changed your mind about being my girlfriend. For all I knew you and Snape had run off together!"

Lily let out a small laugh and looked back up at the rambling man. "Believe me, you had nothing to worry about with me and Snape, even though he's been trying really hard to change my mind."

"That little git would!" he said looking around the path like Severus was going to appear. "It's just like him to try- Snape?"

"What? Is he here?" Lily asked looking behind her.

" called him Snape."


"You never call him Snape."

"Well I do now."

"Since when?"

"Since now!" Lily exclaimed. James took a step back feeling herself heating up. "Isn't it possible for me to call anyone besides you or those stupid Marauders by their last names?!"

"Wow! Don't get mad at me! And don't bring my mates into this!"

Lily glared at him and then whipped her hair around to walk in the opposite direction. He placed his hands in his pockets and waited for her to turn back around.

"You know what makes me angry?" she predictably turned.

"Tell me." He moved his arms to cross in front of his chest.

"When you prove me wrong. I positively hate it." she hissed.

"What have I done within the last twenty minutes to do that? We've barely even said a word to each other and then you just blow up at me!" She kept her mouth shut, but still gave a good glare. "If this is all about Snape then go take it up with him since you're supposed to be best friends. I'll be back at your house waiting for you to cool off." And without another word he walked past her and back up the path.

"FINE!" she yelled after him.

She watched him walk away and out of her sigh. Suddenly she felt exhausted from her surge of anger. It wasn't clear to her why she had decided to start a fight with James, but it was the only thing she could think to do! She walked over to a bench and sat down feeling frustrated. She always took her anger out on the wrong people...well, except Petunia.

edt 2/11/10
Author's Note: Soo...a lot happens in this chapter but I love the fight between Severus and sad as it is :( But i hope you guys liked it! and right now i'm begging you guys, PLEASE REVIEW. i have it so that anyone can review and it's so important to me that I know what you guys are thinking!!

oh! and disclaimer. don't own anything :) ...especially, and sadly I don't own Dirty Dancing, or the lovely Patrick Swayze. LOL!!

Chapter 4: One Torn Heart
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Love With Loss
One Torn Heart

James walked back into the Evan's household a little awkward. He was going to wait outside with open arms waiting, but he wanted to get to know Mrs. Evans so that he could learn more about Lily's background.

Quietly shutting the door, he heard someone coming down the stairs and hoped that it wasn't the Mr. Evans that he hadn't met yet. Honestly, how would that look if he knew that he had just left his baby daughter by herself?

Stealthily, he ran across the room and into the kitchen where he found Mrs. Evans chopping carrots.

"Oh hello, dear." She smiled. "You and Lily back already?"

"Er....kind of." he scratched the back of his head. "Lily decided that she still needed some fresh air."

Margaret laughed, "Oh that Lily. She's always saying she wishes she could just live in a forest."


"Oh yes. She's told me all about that forest at Hogwarts where there are centaurs and all those other fairy tale creatures." James raised an eyebrow impressed that Lily had been able to keep out the part about that particular forest being forbidden. "Her and Severus always come home with the most interesting stories from there." She paused. "Has she told you anything about Severus today?"

"No, not yet."

Margaret shook her head. "Sometimes it worries me how much she bottles up all of her emotions. Eventually it all just comes pouring back out!" Their conversation was cut short when they heard the front door open and then shut. "Is that you, poppet?"

"Yeah.." Lily mumbled coming into the kitchen as well. James noticed her cheeks looked pink from being called the pet name. "Mum, is it ok if James and I talk in my room for a bit?"

Margaret looked at both of them and nodded her head. "No funny business, Lily." she warned pointing her chopping knife at Lily.

Lily's cheeks flushed some more, but walked out of the kitchen leading James to the second floor. Down the hall and on the second door on the right, Lily pushed open the door and ushered James inside. He saw a desk chair and took the liberty to take a seat. He swiveled around in it waiting for Lily to make the first move.

She closed her door half way and sighed as she turned around to look at James. She too small steps walking over to him and sat on his lap. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."


"I should have just talked to you instead of...having an outburst." James noticed that she was struggling with her apology, and realized he had never been on the receiving end of one from her.

"It's ok." He said wrapping his arms around her waist. "I've heard worse from you."

Lily laughed turning towards him. "I have missed you," she said leaning towards him.

James was easily enticed by her smiling eyes and puckering lips leaning in towards him, but he put his hand in front of her lips to stop her from coming any closer.

"Wow, wow, wow. Calm down."


"Remember? 'No funny business'"

"Oh come on! I'm sure if it were any other girl you would be snogging her senseless right now!"

"That's where you're wrong... in two ways!" Lily cocked her eye brow at him "One, I never went to other girls houses. It would have given them too much hope that they actually meant something more than a good shag."

"Well, isn't that something I was just dying to hear. I mean really James, must you really make me imagine you doing that?"

"And two!" he said loudly to overcome her complaints. "You aren't just any other girl. You're Lily Evans. And I want everything in our relationship to be perfect. From what Remus has told me, since Sirius didn't understand the term 'serious relationship', having the parents like you is one of the most essential things that helps a relationship work." Lily looked at him ready for him to make his point. "So I will not, and refuse to kiss you in here because with my luck your mum, or even worse your dad, will walk by and they'll hate me forever and never trust me with you again!"

"Whatever," Lily mumbled straightening back up.

"Thank you. Now can we please talk about what's going on with you? Even your mum said you've been acting strange."

Lily sighed and stood from James's lap. "We had a fight today, me and Severus...Snape...whatever I'm supposed to call him now. And I don't know what even brought it about! We were having a great day but then there was this awkward moment and he flipped out at me saying he was a charity case to me! And then we both started yelling at each other and it ended with him calling me mudblood."


"James, please! Must you always yell when something happens between me and Severus?"


"Lily!" Margaret called up the stairs.

"Hold on, mum!" she yelled back through the door. "James Potter you either stop yelling right now or you get out of my house." He was fuming. He stood from the chair and began pacing back and forth again like he had the night by the lake.

"Lily! You've got another visiter!"

"Mum I said hold-" She paused knowing who it was.

'Think, think, THINK!!' Lily knew the only person it would be now...and even though she would have loved to see James tackle and punish Severus...she knew she would never be able to stand it... "Come on, can handle this. Be strong."

"Coming!" she yelled out the door. She turned to see James's reaction, but he hadn't noticed her sudden silence, or her mom's yells at all. "I'll be right back." She muttered and ran downstairs. Severus was standing awkwardly in her living room, looking anxiously at her on the stairs. He opened his mouth to say something, but Lily grabbed him by the arm and led him straight out the door.

"Lily, you've got to listen-"

"No, Severus, you listen. From now on you are Snape to me. I don't care if what you said was out of anger, and I don't care how sorry you are. You have made too many mistakes and I'm sick of pretending like I can change you. Now consider this my last act as a friend because right now James is in that house and I could've had him come down here and punch the lights out of you." Severus's eyes turned cold in a second and were immediately searching all the windows of the house. But it wasn't long before Lily's unnaturally cold voice brought him back to the present situation. "So leave now and we can both continue down the paths we've obviously chosen."

He could see her eyes shining in anger, and even the thought of how beautiful she looked couldn't stop him from knowing that she meant what she said, and he had drawn the last straw.


"Sev....please." she said with her voice's anger changing to sadness. He slowly turned and made his way down the side walk. When he was clear out of her sight, Lily turned to go back into the house only to face James. "I took care of him myself." she said after a quick pause.

"I saw."

Looking James eye to eye, Lily couldn't think of anything else to do but hug him, where she felt safe in his arms.

"He was my first best friend, you know...besides Petunia,"

"Was he?"

"Yeah...and on summer vacations we would sneak out at night just to swing and try to read what was in the stars."

"Did you ever get anything right?"

"Not yet." she chuckled.

And even though her chuckle was believable, she couldn't believe how much of a cry baby she was becoming. Tears were dampening her eyes and she took advantage of their silence to get rid of them before she would have to go back inside.

"Your mum said dinner was ready, so I came out to get you."

She pulled away from his chest and patted his stomach saying, "Thank you." She gave a quick peck to his lips. "Lets go get some food then." And even though Lily pretended she was going to be ok, James knew it would take some time for her heart to heal.

Later that evening, after dinner was served, plates were cleaned, and Lily had given James a kiss her mother probably would not have approved of, James walked out of the house, leading down the street.

Today had definitely cheered up his summer, but he could not block out his blinding hate towards Severus Snape. He had heard him call Lily a mud....mud...oh for Merlin's sake, he couldn't even think of the word, but he had heard him call her that before and he would have liked nothing better than curse the living daylights out of him. It was something his family had always taught him to fight against, and until Snape knew the consequences he would only feel the need to protect Lily from him now that she finally knew the person he had become.

So as he walked down the street he looked for signs of magic...just anything! But they all seemed so boring and...muggle. That one had two cars, the one on the left was bursting with electronics like the tele and stereo...and then half way down the block a house had neither cars or noise. Just blankets drawn perfectly over all of the windows with a faint light behind them. James looked around and noticed there weren't any cars...not even a skateboard or a sign of muggle toys.

He decided he could take the chance and walked up to the door. It took a few minutes for anyone to come to answer and he was reaching to knock again when it swung open.

A man around the age of 50 answered. Like his eyes, his hair was black, cropped short. He looked at James up and down, his face set on a false polite look, and then asked, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, is Severus here?"

The man's look changed drastically to a cold glare. "And what makes you think he's here."

"Er.." James was taken aback by his sudden mood change, "I know him from school and was in the neighborhood and thought I would just-"

"Wait here," he shut the door, cutting off James.

After a few minutes of waiting the door opened again, but instead of short cropped hair, a boy appeared with long greasy strands. And before he had time to register who James was, a fist collided with his crooked nose. He stumbled backwards grabbing his face, yelling in shock.

James grabbed him by the scruffs of his clothing and yanked him outside shutting the door with him. "If you ever hurt her again, I'll kill you," he hissed.

Snape looked up into his eyes and knew this was no school boy rivalry. In those hazel orbs a passion was radiating that Severus would never have. He had chosen to follow Voldemort, hoping it would help to protect Lily at the same time, and it wasn't until now that he saw his greatest mistake.

Lily wasn't, and never had been one to hide away in times of need, or look weak by letting others protect her. James understood an extent. And because of his stupidity he had lost her forever.

Sinking in guilt, and drowning in his pain he didn't even care when James shoved him roughly back into the door.

"And I mean it."

James walked down the steps of the house into the darkness of the street. He distracted himself by trying to find a quiet place to apparate, but all he could think about was how there was still so much more to do before Lily would ever be safe from people like Snape, if she could ever be safe from them. It was a thought that would haunt him day and night, but he would dedicate the rest of his life to trying.


etd. 2/11/10
Author's Note: Special thanks to Chantiella for reviewing! You go girl. lol!!
But ok, this is my last chapter of the story. I hope you don't click away thinking it was a waste of time, and even if not I'll be editing it a lot :)

Disclaimer: Don't own anything :)